This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
↧
↧
Busty Babe Angie Varona Loves Selfies
↧
Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull in Front of His Neighbors
It wouldn't be a complete week on Planet Earth without some sick, twisted, "hillbilly humping something that isn't human" story out of Florida.
Thanks to Bernard Marsonek and his poor pit bull, we can now file this week under the complete category.
According to the Tampa Tribune, police arrived at the 57-year-old Marsonek's home after numerous complaints that he was literally going to town on one of his pit bulls in his yard. Shocked neighbors said they pleaded with him to stop, and we're pretty sure if that pit bull could have spoken English, he would have been doing some pleading, as well.
When the police arrived on the scene, they found Marsonek sitting quietly inside his home, but they eventually booked him on felony charges of aggravated animal cruelty, two counts of being a felon in possession of a firearm, and one misdemeanor count of sexual activity involving animals.
If you find yourself asking, "Who in the hell would rape a pit bull?" - the answer is: this guy.
![bernard marsonek man sex with pit bull]()
What in the hell is going on out there? Two New York Men Busted For Sexually Abusing Cows
Thanks to Bernard Marsonek and his poor pit bull, we can now file this week under the complete category.
According to the Tampa Tribune, police arrived at the 57-year-old Marsonek's home after numerous complaints that he was literally going to town on one of his pit bulls in his yard. Shocked neighbors said they pleaded with him to stop, and we're pretty sure if that pit bull could have spoken English, he would have been doing some pleading, as well.
When the police arrived on the scene, they found Marsonek sitting quietly inside his home, but they eventually booked him on felony charges of aggravated animal cruelty, two counts of being a felon in possession of a firearm, and one misdemeanor count of sexual activity involving animals.
If you find yourself asking, "Who in the hell would rape a pit bull?" - the answer is: this guy.
What in the hell is going on out there? Two New York Men Busted For Sexually Abusing Cows
↧
Idiot UCSB Student Runs Onto the Court and Gets in Coach's Face
Odds are you weren't watching the UCSB-Hawai'i college basketball game on ESPNU last night, and it's probably because it was a college basketball game featuring UCSB and Hawai'i.
UC Santa Barbara won the game 86-77, but you'll be more likely to find a naked picture of Barbara Bush before you find anybody talking about the final score.
That's because with just over six minutes left in the first half, Hawai'i head coach Gib Arnold was slapped with a technical foul as he made his way onto the court. And just when you thought it couldn't get any crazier than a head coach wearing a Hawaiian shirt making his way out to half court combined with the fact that Hawaii is actually supposed to be spelled with an apostrophe in it, this happened:
Um, security anyone?
According to his T-shirt, that clown and his skinny jeans were supposed to be graduating sometime this year. But according to the UC-Santa Barbara sports information director, he now risks expulsion. And if he had to spend last night behind bars, expulsion might be the least of his worries.
(via Deadspin)
At least he didn't do this to the Hawaii coach: This is the Worst Cheap Shot We Have Ever Seen In Sports
UC Santa Barbara won the game 86-77, but you'll be more likely to find a naked picture of Barbara Bush before you find anybody talking about the final score.
That's because with just over six minutes left in the first half, Hawai'i head coach Gib Arnold was slapped with a technical foul as he made his way onto the court. And just when you thought it couldn't get any crazier than a head coach wearing a Hawaiian shirt making his way out to half court combined with the fact that Hawaii is actually supposed to be spelled with an apostrophe in it, this happened:
Um, security anyone?
According to his T-shirt, that clown and his skinny jeans were supposed to be graduating sometime this year. But according to the UC-Santa Barbara sports information director, he now risks expulsion. And if he had to spend last night behind bars, expulsion might be the least of his worries.
(via Deadspin)
At least he didn't do this to the Hawaii coach: This is the Worst Cheap Shot We Have Ever Seen In Sports
↧
If You've Been Dying to See Rihanna's Nipples, You're in Luck
What is it about going to France that makes celebrity women stop showering, shaving their pits, and covering up their nipples?
Actually, that last part sounds extremely positive.
The latest female celeb to make her way to Paris and reveal that she has more than just a lovely singing voice is - wait for it - Rihanna.
According to the site TooFab, the multi-platinum recording artist was able to pry herself off Drake for a few moments to attend the Balmain Fashion Show after-party in Paris on Thursday. Even better, she was at the after-party wearing a fishnet top sans bra:
![rihanna nipples fishnet top]()
If you think black boxes are best saved for airplanes, then you can check out the real deal at designer Jeremy Scott's Instagram page. But we do have to warn you that - as is the case with most nipples - the picture is NSFW.
Apparently, it's Nipple Friday: Lina Esco Wants To Free the Nipple
Actually, that last part sounds extremely positive.
The latest female celeb to make her way to Paris and reveal that she has more than just a lovely singing voice is - wait for it - Rihanna.
According to the site TooFab, the multi-platinum recording artist was able to pry herself off Drake for a few moments to attend the Balmain Fashion Show after-party in Paris on Thursday. Even better, she was at the after-party wearing a fishnet top sans bra:
If you think black boxes are best saved for airplanes, then you can check out the real deal at designer Jeremy Scott's Instagram page. But we do have to warn you that - as is the case with most nipples - the picture is NSFW.
Apparently, it's Nipple Friday: Lina Esco Wants To Free the Nipple
↧
↧
9 Names You Call Stuff When You Can't Remember What It's Really Called
Can someone hand me the things to turn on the candle? I need to use the stove bowl.
via tumblrhttp://iraffiruse.net/
↧
The Best Alarm Clock Is a Laser Pointer and a Dog
Tired of oversleeping? Is the sound of your alarm clock not loud enough to actually wake you up? Do you usually just turn it off and go right back sleep? Well, have we got a solution for you. If you have a laser pointer, a dog and an a-hole of a significant other, you will no longer be able to sleep in. Just follow the steps in this short video and you'll be angrily taking on the morning in no time.
↧
33 Sexy Photos of Hot Girls in Yoga Pants
↧
House Pets vs. Human Furniture: The Ultimate Battle
↧
↧
This Is Why You Don't Let A Blind Man Give You A Tattoo
↧
Did Johnny Carson Make a Sex Tape?
Heeeeeeere's Johnny...and his alleged 10-inch hog.
That's right. According to TMZ, legendary king of late night Johnny Carson made a sex tape more than 40 years ago, and it's currently being shopped by its owner.
![johnny carson sex tape]()
The smut owner allegedly approached the Carson estate last year, and they threatened to sue if the tape ever got out.
Citing sources who have seen the skin flick, Carson wasn't just blessed with a golden sense of humor. One source claims his blood lumber was at least ten inches long and can be seen for an extended period of time at the beginning of the movie while he's stroking it.
The movie eventually cuts to a sex scene in Johnny's bedroom, where he wails away on one of his wives for about 20 minutes. The video is so grainy, though, that it's tough to determine exactly which wife it is.
TMZ also learned that the tape of Carson and his enormous man meat cannot be sold to a pornography company for legal reasons, so the tape's owner has been shopping it around to private collectors.
Here's to hoping we never have to write the same thing about Jay Leno's massive chin finding its way into some kind of celebrity smut.
This is probably the only time Vince Neil, Dustin Diamond and Johnny Carson are ever going to be mentioned in the same sentence: 12 Celebrity Sex Tape Scandals
That's right. According to TMZ, legendary king of late night Johnny Carson made a sex tape more than 40 years ago, and it's currently being shopped by its owner.
The smut owner allegedly approached the Carson estate last year, and they threatened to sue if the tape ever got out.
Citing sources who have seen the skin flick, Carson wasn't just blessed with a golden sense of humor. One source claims his blood lumber was at least ten inches long and can be seen for an extended period of time at the beginning of the movie while he's stroking it.
The movie eventually cuts to a sex scene in Johnny's bedroom, where he wails away on one of his wives for about 20 minutes. The video is so grainy, though, that it's tough to determine exactly which wife it is.
TMZ also learned that the tape of Carson and his enormous man meat cannot be sold to a pornography company for legal reasons, so the tape's owner has been shopping it around to private collectors.
Here's to hoping we never have to write the same thing about Jay Leno's massive chin finding its way into some kind of celebrity smut.
This is probably the only time Vince Neil, Dustin Diamond and Johnny Carson are ever going to be mentioned in the same sentence: 12 Celebrity Sex Tape Scandals
↧
12 Reasons Why 'Slither' is the Best Movie You've Never Seen
↧
The 10 Sexiest Foreign Commercials Ever
↧
↧
Today's Funniest Photos
↧
Woman Wins Lottery By Using Numbers From a Fortune Cookie
She's either a simpleton, liar, or the luckiest damn person to ever walk the face of the Earth.
A 75-year-old New York woman says she correctly matched five numbers in a Powerball drawing last month using a slip from the inside of a fortune cookie. While she missed matching the Powerball, the other five numbers combined![woman wins lottery with fortune cookie numbers]()
with her Power Play option were worth a grand total of two million dollars.
Emma Duvoll collected her winnings last week and told reporters she and her sons got the fortune cookie from a small noodle shop in Greenwich Village. When she cracked open the tasteless wafer and found a set of lucky numbers inside, she decided to give them a whirl.
"I heard about it once, a long time ago," she said. "You try anything once. And this time it worked!"
In a related story, 14 other customers at Sammy's Noodle Shop & Grill who also got fortune cookies that day are still waiting for their ability of accomplishment to be followed by success.
(via UPI)
Hopefully she doesn't make it on this list of life turds: 10 Lottery Winners Who Lost It All
A 75-year-old New York woman says she correctly matched five numbers in a Powerball drawing last month using a slip from the inside of a fortune cookie. While she missed matching the Powerball, the other five numbers combined
with her Power Play option were worth a grand total of two million dollars.Emma Duvoll collected her winnings last week and told reporters she and her sons got the fortune cookie from a small noodle shop in Greenwich Village. When she cracked open the tasteless wafer and found a set of lucky numbers inside, she decided to give them a whirl.
"I heard about it once, a long time ago," she said. "You try anything once. And this time it worked!"
In a related story, 14 other customers at Sammy's Noodle Shop & Grill who also got fortune cookies that day are still waiting for their ability of accomplishment to be followed by success.
(via UPI)
Hopefully she doesn't make it on this list of life turds: 10 Lottery Winners Who Lost It All
↧
The 10 Worst Actors on Hugely Popular TV Shows
↧
Teacher Plays Her Homemade Sex Tape For Students
Okay, kids. Today we're going to learn about the Pythagorean theorem as well as what I do to get men to buy me jewelry.
![teacher shows students homemade sex tape]()
An unnamed teacher in Arkansas is in deep shit after accidentally showing her students a homemade sex tape that somehow got mixed up in her lesson plans.
According to KARK-TV, the seventh grade teacher at Forest Heights Middle School in Little Rock was seen "performing sex acts" on a tape that was viewed by her students. After realizing what she did, she immediately contacted school officials and even went as far as calling the parents of every student in the class.
But that's not good enough for at least one parent. Nicholas Tolerson says he wants something done because his son was put in that environment.
We're sure other fathers are upset that their seventh grade experience wasn't as titillating.
The school district is still investigating the incident and has yet to determine what disciplinary action will be taken, and that will probably come down to whether or not she's attractive.
(via The Independent)
We're pretty sure the dads wouldn't have been as upset if this was the teacher: Teacher's Aide Kaitlin Pearson Gets Her Job Back After Leaked Nude Photos
An unnamed teacher in Arkansas is in deep shit after accidentally showing her students a homemade sex tape that somehow got mixed up in her lesson plans.
According to KARK-TV, the seventh grade teacher at Forest Heights Middle School in Little Rock was seen "performing sex acts" on a tape that was viewed by her students. After realizing what she did, she immediately contacted school officials and even went as far as calling the parents of every student in the class.
But that's not good enough for at least one parent. Nicholas Tolerson says he wants something done because his son was put in that environment.
We're sure other fathers are upset that their seventh grade experience wasn't as titillating.
The school district is still investigating the incident and has yet to determine what disciplinary action will be taken, and that will probably come down to whether or not she's attractive.
(via The Independent)
We're pretty sure the dads wouldn't have been as upset if this was the teacher: Teacher's Aide Kaitlin Pearson Gets Her Job Back After Leaked Nude Photos
↧
↧
This Cat Really Knows How To Interrupt A Yoga Session
This cat really wants some attention. Like, right now. If that means interrupting its owner's yoga session and smashing a camera to the ground, well, that's just how it is.
↧
Pissed Off Cat Traps Family in Bedroom
None of us here are zoologists, but we're willing to bet that when a 22-pound cat is so vicious that it has the ability to trap an entire family in a room, it's time to start calling it a tiger.
![cat traps family in bedroom]()
According to Reuters, a family in Portand, Oregon was forced to call 911 after its fat cat did just that.
A Portland Police Bureau spokesman said the incident began when the cat scratched the family's seven-month-old baby and received a swift kick in the ass for it.
But instead of running into the bedroom and hiding like a coward, this cat went into a bath salts-esque rage that forced the entire family and its dog into a bedroom. In fact, the cat was so pissed that it could be heard screeching in the background of the 911 call.
The spokesman said the cat did have a history of violence, so why the family was still in possession of it after the first few incidents is as good of a guess as why in the hell they didn't let the dog go to town on it.
Even crazier than that, upon arriving on the scene and catching the feline, the police released it back to the family.
Even crazier than that? You guessed it: Amanda Bynes.
We found a ton of other cats related to this one: Cats Are A-holes: A Retrospective
According to Reuters, a family in Portand, Oregon was forced to call 911 after its fat cat did just that.
A Portland Police Bureau spokesman said the incident began when the cat scratched the family's seven-month-old baby and received a swift kick in the ass for it.
But instead of running into the bedroom and hiding like a coward, this cat went into a bath salts-esque rage that forced the entire family and its dog into a bedroom. In fact, the cat was so pissed that it could be heard screeching in the background of the 911 call.
The spokesman said the cat did have a history of violence, so why the family was still in possession of it after the first few incidents is as good of a guess as why in the hell they didn't let the dog go to town on it.
Even crazier than that, upon arriving on the scene and catching the feline, the police released it back to the family.
Even crazier than that? You guessed it: Amanda Bynes.
We found a ton of other cats related to this one: Cats Are A-holes: A Retrospective
↧
Elderly California Woman Survives More Than 1,000 Bee Stings
Remember four or five years ago when scientists were wondering what happened to all of the bees? Well, it turns out they all moved to Palm Desert, and they are pissed.
![Killer bees sting woman 1,000 times]()
According to CBS Los Angeles, a 71-year-old woman is still alive after being stung more than 1,000 times last week by an angry swarm of nearly 75,000 Afrikanized bees.
The woman, a local telecommunications worker, had parked her car near an underground Verizon cable box when the swarm ascended from their nest and attacked her in her car. When firefighters arrived on the scene, they said it looked like the woman was wearing a "suit of bees."
Five firefighters were also injured while assisting the woman, and three of them suffered stings severe enough they were sent to a nearby hospital for treatment.
A bee removal expert eventually was able to rid the area of the bees without getting stung and is actually planning on taking them to several bee farms across the desert.
No word as to whether or not the woman is planning to sue her financial planner because of the fact she is a 71-year-old woman who isn't retired yet.
These bees sure know how to party: Dewar's Is Using 80,000 Bees To Build Two Honeycomb Sculptures
According to CBS Los Angeles, a 71-year-old woman is still alive after being stung more than 1,000 times last week by an angry swarm of nearly 75,000 Afrikanized bees.
The woman, a local telecommunications worker, had parked her car near an underground Verizon cable box when the swarm ascended from their nest and attacked her in her car. When firefighters arrived on the scene, they said it looked like the woman was wearing a "suit of bees."
Five firefighters were also injured while assisting the woman, and three of them suffered stings severe enough they were sent to a nearby hospital for treatment.
A bee removal expert eventually was able to rid the area of the bees without getting stung and is actually planning on taking them to several bee farms across the desert.
No word as to whether or not the woman is planning to sue her financial planner because of the fact she is a 71-year-old woman who isn't retired yet.
These bees sure know how to party: Dewar's Is Using 80,000 Bees To Build Two Honeycomb Sculptures
↧
More Pages to Explore .....
