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Woman Congratulates Cheating Husband in Newspaper

March 5, 2014, 3:00 am
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People have different ways of dealing with cheating spouses, usually ranging from giving him or her another chance and making them take you out for a steak at Applebee's to the much more frowned upon murder-suicide.

We'll say that placing an ad in a local newspaper congratulating both your cheating husband and his pregnant mistress falls somewhere in the middle but right next to awesome.

That's exactly what Timeshia Brown did recently after finding out her husband Patrick was having an affair with another local woman named Shara Cormier:

woman congratulates cheating husband in newspaper

The ad first appeared in a local Texas newspaper but has since been passed around like the village hooker on Facebook, Twitter, and Reddit.

Shara Cormier of Hemphill, Texas, does have a Facebook page, and she is "friends" with a Patrick Brown from the same town. Let's just say if the child turns out to be a mixture of those two, it's going to be the fugliest kid in eastern Texas.

In a related story, realtor Stephanie Corley would probably tell you this was the best $25 she has ever spent on advertising.

(via The Daily Mail)

Hey, at least she didn't stab him with a squirrel: Woman Stabs Husband With Ceramic Squirrel For Not Bringing Home Beer

 

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Miley Cyrus Makes Out With Smoking Hottie at Las Vegas Concert

March 5, 2014, 3:25 am
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Miley Cyrus is currently touring the country on her "Bangerz" tour, and it looks like the only thing she's interested in banging is other chicks.

While she was pretty much denied a six-second tonguing sesh by fellow pop star Katy Perry at a Staples Center show almost two weeks ago, the same can't be said for Cyrus after her Las Vegas performance over the weekend.

According to Huffington Post, a kiss cam usually spotlights same-sex couples when Cyrus performs her hit song "Adore You." But this time around, Cyrus herself got in on a little girl-on-girl action.



We originally thought Cyrus went all Forrest Gump on the smoking hottie because she tasted like cigarettes, but it turns out she was just wiping some dark lipstick residue from her pie hole.



Cyrus will probably have a much harder time finding a makeout partner that hot when she travels to Wisconsin for a show this Sunday.

Want to see Miley Cyrus ride some Kohl's Cash? Miley Cyrus Riding Things Other Than The Wrecking Ball

 

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Nicola Peltz Has Transformed Into a Star

March 5, 2014, 4:51 am
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Jeff Goldblum's Crazy 'Jurassic Park' Laugh is Now a Great Song

March 5, 2014, 8:01 am
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If you are new to Mandatory, consider this your warning that if you don't like "Jurassic Park"-related humor, then you should probably leave. Having said that, please click here, here and here.

All JP fans remember Dr. Ian Malcolm' s strange laugh in the helicopter flight with fellow doctors Hammond, Grant and Sattler. Now, there is an entire remix of that iconic scene that everyone can enjoy 20+ years later.

Related: NIN Parody Song Teaches You How to Make Music Like Trent Reznor

 

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Sexy Model Shontelle McFarlane is a Miss Hawaiian Tropic Finalist

March 5, 2014, 9:25 am
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The Craziest Food Stuffed in Food Dishes

March 5, 2014, 11:35 pm
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10 of the Best Improvised Lines in Film History

March 6, 2014, 12:25 am
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  • People quote movies every day, and most of the time, the lines they are quoting are the more iconic ones from the film. While a fair share of famous movie lines come directly from the script, you might be surprised to hear that a great many were not only never written down on paper beforehand, but were completely made up on the spot. And while improvisation can often end badly in the wrong hands, when it hits, it can be unforgettable in all the right ways. The following list details the stories behind some of the more famous lines from movies that you may not have known were completely made up off the top of the actors' heads.

     

    "But why male models?" - Ben Stiller in "Zoolander"

     

    It's hard to pick the funniest line in the film, "Zoolander," but this one has got to be in the top ten. Surprisingly, the line itself and David Duchovney's response was the result of Stiller forgetting the original line he was supposed to say, and instead simply repeating the same one he'd said prior to the scripted answer. This resulted in the perfect illustration of why male models were being used for the bad guy's diabolical plan, and better dialogue to illustrate the point simply couldn't have been written any better if they'd tried.

  • "It's in the hole!" - Bill Murray in "Caddyshack"

     

    If anyone were to be crowned the master of improv, we could only hope that man would be Bill Murray. After all, who hasn't uttered this phrase at least once in their lifetime, even if they were unaware of the source. The story goes that Murray made up the entirety of his now classic "Cinderalla Story" scene on the spot. All he asked for before they began shooting the scene was four rows of mums. The rest, as they say, is history.

  • "That's it, man! Game over, man! Game over!" - Bill Paxton in "Aliens"

     

    It's funny what a difference two words can make. The original script for this scene called simply for the actors to be in dismay after their first encounter with the aliens. Bill Paxton's character was to simply say his lines, but they didn't include the words "game over" at all. That was completely made up by him on the spot, and ended up being quite possibly the most quoted line of the whole film, if not the franchise.

  • "Warriors, come out to play-yay!" - David Patrick Kelly in "The Warriors"

     

    Scenes where the script calls for no dialogue whatsoever can often work in an actor's favor if he decides to try out a line. After all, how can anyone be upset or think it isn't as good as what's written if there's nothing there to begin with? For David Patrick Kelly, all he was instructed to do in this now iconic scene was clang bottles on his fingers together in order to get the Warriors' attention. In this case, however, the phrase "actions speak louder than words" doesn't really apply, because it is Kelly's improvised words that sell the whole thing.

  • "Hey Malkovich, think fast!" - random drunk extra in "Being John Malkovich"

     

    While this line is easily the least recognizable of any on this list, it's the story behind it that bumps it up. It turns out that the dude in the car who throws the beer can at John Malkovich's head in this scene is not only an extra who was paid to be just that, but is also very drunk. Apparently, he snuck some beer onto set and decided to get loaded for his big moment in the spotlight, only he thought it would be funnier to chuck a full beer at the famous actor when the time came for his not so close-up instead. This resulted in not only a pay bump for the extra, but one of the best moments in the film, as Malkovich's angry reaction was completely legitimate, and the director loved it so much that he decided to keep it in. Imagine being that extra and getting to tell people you got loaded, acted like a total baffoon, and it actually paid off.

  • "Hey, wanna hear the most annoying sound in the world?" - Jim Carrey in "Dumb & Dumber"

     

    This line was completely made up off the cuff, as was the entirety of the scene. But what really makes it perfect is that the actor, Mike Starr, who is the guy getting his ears screamed into, can't tolerate loud noises in real life. So not only are Jim Carrey and Jeff Daniels' lines and obnoxiousness all improv'ed, but Starr's reactions to them are completely genuine, as well. He's legitimately pissed off onscreen the entire time, and something about that makes it all the more entertaining.

  • "Hand me the keys, you fucking cocksucker" - main cast of "The Usual Suspects"

     

    Okay, so this line itself wasn't actually improvised. It was in the script. In fact, it is the entire basis of the scene. However, originally, it was written to be a serious scene. Unfortunately (or fortunately in this case), the actors simply couldn't get their acts together and stop laughing as the scene was being shot. And, there are reports it was because Benicio Del Toro kept farting. Eventually, director Bryan Singer decided to just roll with it and see what happened, as he was getting frustrated that the actors couldn't compose themselves. Therefore, all the laughter and silliness in the scene is completely unscripted, but somehow resulted in the most famous and hilarious scene of the film (other than the reveal at the end).

  • "I'm walkin' here!" - Dustin Hoffman in "Midnight Cowboy"


    Wow, who would have thought that a lack of a permit to shut down a busy New York street would result in the delivery of one the most well-known and quoted lines in film. Since the crew was unable to get the street blocked off for shooting, the entire scene was shot with hidden cameras on an actual busy street. Dustin Hoffman's reaction to the cabbie almost mowing him down is completely real here, as who wouldn't yell at a dude for almost running them over with their car? It's a good thing Hoffman is such an amazing actor and could jump right back into the scene, otherwise we may never have been given this slice of cinematic history.

  • "Here's Johnny!" - Jack Nicholson in "The Shining"

     

    Speaking of cinematic history, a list of the best improv'ed lines wouldn't be complete without this icon. While the story behind the line is pretty straight forward (Nicholson was merely quoting Ed McMahon's famous catchphrase for introducing Johnny Carson on "The Tonight Show"), the results couldn't have been more unexpected. After all, it's not like he was saying something brand new. He was merely using it out of context. But you never know what is gong to catch on, and no improvised line is more proof of that than this one.

  • "Too fast. Nothing." - Robert Downey, Jr. in "Iron Man 3"

     

    Let's conclude with a more recent example of the kinds of improv'ed lines we are talking about. As most people already know, Robert Downey, Jr. is known for his improvisational acting style. Many of the clips in the video above are the result of that. In fact, it was recently revealed that this was a major reason he had to drop out from the film, "Gravity." Anyway, in a scene leading up to the final climactic battle at the end of "Iron Man 3," Don Cheadle's character asks Downey to survey their surroundings before a major gunfight. As Downey peaks his head over a wall to check things out, Cheadle asks what he saw. Downey responds with the improv'ed line, "Too fast. Nothing," as it was made apparent throughout the scene that Downey's character had no idea was he was doing. Genius.

    Next: Rappers and Their Cereal

 

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The 14 Stages of Playing a Board Game

March 6, 2014, 12:33 am
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Miserable Men Waiting For Their Shopping Women

March 6, 2014, 12:41 am
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We've all been there before, so we know how it feels. But as long as it's not you, it's pretty hilarious to watch a guy have to suffer through a shopping trip with his gal. It doesn't get much more miserable than the guys in these photos.



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Today's Funniest Photos

March 6, 2014, 12:55 am
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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

March 6, 2014, 1:00 am
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Sophia Myles Will Transform You Into a Fan

March 5, 2014, 6:35 am
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Upskirting Is Legal in Massachusetts

March 6, 2014, 2:21 am
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The people of Massachusetts should expect the biggest influx of perverts since the Pilgrims thanks to a Supreme Judicial Court decision handed down yesterday.

According to Yahoo! News, the decision written by Justice Margot Botsford said that a man did not violate the state's Peeping Tom laws when he took pictures and videos up women's skirts on a Boston subway in 2010.

upskirting is legal in massachusetts

Under current Massachusetts law, the man would have been in deep shit if he would have filmed or photographed women who were nude or partially nude. But because the upskirting victims are fully clothed, the man is free to get his perv on without penalty.

Chris Dearborn, a law professor at Suffolk University, said the ruling will likely result in the state legislature bolstering its Peeping Tom laws.

"This can be resolved by lawmakers very quickly," Dearborn said. "If Peeping Toms are jumping for joy because they think they have carte blanche to do this, I suspect it will be short lived."

But for now, pervs can pack their bags. One-way flights from Los Angeles to Boston today start at just $301. They'll just have to pray all of the ladies haven't switched to pantsuits.

(via Yahoo!)

Actually, this seems rather OK compared to these laws: 10 of the Weirdest Laws From Around the World

 

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New Mexico Woman Arrested for Beating Her Mom With a Vibrator

March 6, 2014, 2:26 am
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A 35-year-old New Mexico woman was arrested Sunday night for allegedly beating her 60-year-old mother over the head with a battery-operated vibrator during an argument while the two were watching television together.
cara claffy woman beats mom with vibrator
It's unclear, however, if Cara Claffy had to leave the room to get the vibrator, or if it was just laying out on a side table in the television room, or if the vibrator being so readily available is what sparked the argument in the first place.

According to the police report, Claffy allegedly struck her mom in the head with her vibrator, disposed of it in a blue Ford truck whose driver was named Mark Sanchez and then ran inside a house. Police put her in handcuffs, took her downtown and booked her on a battery charge.

Meanwhile, Claffy's account of what happened was just a tad bit different.

Claffy said that after the argument broke out, her mom emerged from a back room and was bleeding from her head. When she asked her mom what happened, her mom said she had "struck herself with a vibrator."

And if you're keeping score at home, while striking yourself in the head with your daughter's vibrator would definitely be classified as embarrassing, it wouldn't be considered as bad as chipping your teeth with it.

(via The Smoking Gun)

Here's something else that will wreck your appetite: Barbara Walters Has a Vibrator Named 'Selfie'

 

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Former Wrestler Buff Bagwell Is Now a Gigolo

March 6, 2014, 3:56 am
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Former WCW wrestler Buff Bagwell used to pin dudes in Speedos to win wrestling championships.

Now he's pinning women in the sack to score mad cash.
buff bagwell gigolo
That's right, kids. Randy "Macho Man" Savage is dead, Hulk Hogan is a Rent-A-Center spokesman and Buff Bagwell is plowing chicks for money. In other words, he's a gigolo.

According to TMZ Sports, Bagwell has joined Cowboys4Angels.com, which is a "premium gigolo service targeting lonely and very possibly horny women."

For work purposes only, we checked out his profile as well.

Ladies, if you want one hour with "Buff the Stuff" Bagwell, too bad. You have to book the wrestling legend and star of "Gigolos" on Showtime for a minimum of two hours, and that will set you back $800. Up that "appointment" to four hours and you'll save $50, as it only costs $1,550.

If you're sick of guys leaving you in the middle of the night, no worries. Good ol' Bags won't break your heart if you have $3,000 to get him to stay overnight. And if you're looking for "Buff the Stuff" to stuff you for an entire week, you're going to need $25,000.

Or you could buy a vibrator for about twenty bucks.

Holy crap! Mick Foley is still alive - Wrestlers of the 80's and 90's: Where are They Now?

 

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Mandatory Presents: SlickforceGirl Ayanna

March 6, 2014, 4:01 am
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The newest hero in photographer and filmmaker Nick Saglimbeni's SlickforceGirl series is Princess Ayanna. The princess is played by model Ayanna Jordan, who has joined the team to inspire people, represent strength and courage, and stand up against evil.

For more of the sexy Princess Ayanna, head over to SlickforceGirl and join the fight. A portion of the art sales is donated to the Breast Cancer Charities of America's iGoPink campaign. Now, keep scrolling down for more of the lovely Ayanna Jordan, including some hot behind-the-scenes shots.

princess ayanna, slickforcegirl ayanna jordanprincess ayanna, slickforcegirl ayanna jordanprincess ayanna, slickforcegirl ayanna jordanprincess ayanna, slickforcegirl ayanna jordanprincess ayanna, slickforcegirl ayanna jordanprincess ayanna, slickforcegirl ayanna jordanprincess ayanna, slickforcegirl ayanna jordanprincess ayanna, slickforcegirl ayanna jordan

Also check out: SlickforceGirl Kaitlynn

 

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The 'Jurassic Park' Raptor Kitchen Scene is Way Better With Cats

March 6, 2014, 11:48 am
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Some days the Internet just delivers. This happens to be one of those days. If you ask me, any video can be made better with the addition of cats. Watch as the two kids from "Jurassic Park" run away from the least terrifying thing ever.

 

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The Greatest Apes in Comic Book History

March 6, 2014, 11:19 pm
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The Most Disgusting Alcohol From Around The World

March 7, 2014, 12:08 am
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Today's Funniest Photos

March 7, 2014, 12:52 am
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