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The World's Weirdest People Can Apparently Be Found On The Subway

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Public transportation is an incredibly convenient way to get around town and not break the bank. It's also a convenient way to catch a look at some of the more, um, interesting specimens humanity has to offer. So, sit back and enjoy this very odd collection of people riding the subway.

































via Eat Liver

 

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Georgia Police Use GPS Inside Teddy Bear to Catch Thief

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One of the saddest parts of this story has to be the fact that the thief wasn't a six-year-old kid.

According to Huffington Post, a 55-year-old man was arrested on Tuesday and charged with misdemeanor theft after Athens police used a GPS device hidden in the teddy bear he stole to catch him.
gps in teddy bear helps catch thief
Police said Mid-Atlantic Clothing Recycling had been dealing with a recent string of thefts by what had to be a total asshole from their collection bins inside the Georgia Square Mall in Athens. In hopes of catching the thief, a company manager concealed a GPS device inside a teddy bear and put the bear in the bin.

The manager called authorities on Tuesday morning to let them know the teddy bear was "on the move." Police worked with the manager to update the bear's location, and the 55-year-old turd of a human being was eventually apprehended.

No word on what the man planned to use the teddy bear for, but since it's the middle of nowhere Georgia, we'll pray that it was anything but to have sex with it.

Seriously, guys have sex with teddy bears: Man Caught Having Sex with a Teddy Bear (Again)

 

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Spokane Police Sent Memo Reminding Them to Not Have Sex While on Duty

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You have to think there is at least one George Costanza on the force saying, "Was that wrong? Should I not have done that? I tell you, I gotta plead ignorance on this thing."

According to KREM, Spokane County Sheriff Ozzie Knezovich felt compelled to send a memorandum to his deputies recently reminding them that sex on duty was not allowed.

sheriff sends memo saying sex on duty is not allowed
Knezovich felt the memo was necessary after one of his fired deputies was given his job back after admitting he had sex on the job. He said he was worried that giving the deputy his job back would make it seem like it was OK to have sex while on duty.

"I never dreamt I'd ever even see such a memo," Knezovich told KREM. "I'm shocked I had to make this statement. Sex on duty is not tolerated, nor is lying."

Of course, if any of Spokane's finest can't abide by the new rule, they can always attempt to get a job as an undercover police officer in Hawaii, where it is totally legal to have sex with a prostitute while on the job.

​Some people actually want cops to be able to have sex while on duty: Florida Woman Calls 911 for Sex

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

11 Summer Seasonal Beers for Sunny Day Drinking

New Harley-Davidson Street 750 Motorcycle Stars in Exhibition Flat Track Race at X Games

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Harley-Davidson Motor Company

Hey X Games fans, you should probably know that Harley-Davidson is introducing a new Flat Track dirt exhibition race at this year's X Games in Austin and will be asking fans to vote using #XGamesFlatTrack to see if it will become an official medal sport at future X Games.

Reigning AMA Pro Flat Track Grand National champion Brad "the Bullet" Baker will lead the exhibition race on the new Harley Davidson Street 750 - the first all-new motorcycle platform from Harley-Davidson in 13 years. The new bikes will begin to arrive at U.S. dealerships in a few weeks.

Harley-Davidson Motor Company

For more on the new bikes and the Flat Track dirt exhibition race, check out the official press release.

 

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Things You Never Knew About Nintendo

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Remember that magical period between the late '80s and early '90s, when every boy in America received two controllers AND a Super Mario Bros./Duck Hunt cartridge FREE with his very first Nintendo Entertainment System?

Good times.

We all knew blowing on cartridges would make them work (eventually), that up-up-down-down-left-right-left-right-B-A-Start was an ingenious hack, and that the Power Pad was a waste of money.

But there was so much we never know about Nintendo. Sit back, vintage gamers, and let's press 'Reset' on the ole console.

Still the world's largest video game company by revenue, Nintendo's actually been in business for a staggering 125 years. It started as a Japanese playing card manufacturer in Kyoto, and produced flowery, painted cards made of mulberry bark.

The name 'Nintendo' roughly translates into "leave luck to heaven," which is just what you thought every time you faced the fire-belching Bowser.



Although Nintendo ended up back in the gaming business a hundred years later, the company had myriad products over its long history; for awhile they had a chain of love hotels (the themed, by-the-hour motels designed exclusively for quickies), owned a television network, a taxi franchise, and even put out their own brand of instant rice. And despite their modern success with things like 3DS and Wii, they still have an interesting portfolio. (Did you know they own the Seattle Mariners?)

Nintendo as we know it came into existence in 1974, when the company shifted direction and launched a video game console. This evolved into arcade technology, and their first big hit was on (like) Donkey Kong, in 1981.

During the early '80s they started to bring arcade action into the home with the production of the Family Computer, or FamiCom. The FamiCom begat the Super FamiCom as the Nintendo begat the Super Nintendo, and the rest, really, is history.

Super Mario Bros. came to North America in 1985 and, between bundling and marketing, quickly became the fastest-selling video game of all time.



The move from arcade to home was followed by the move to mobile, and Nintendo brought us the Game Boy in 1989. That enterprise took a bit of a back seat (we didn't have Color Game Boys until nearly a decade later) during the '90s in what's known as the 'console war' -- Sega released Sonic the Hedgehog, and it was no longer clear which side of history a boy wanted to be on.

Nintendo had a strict anti-sex-and-violence stance at the time Sega put out a version of Mortal Kombat with extra blood and gore, and the answer became abundantly clear -- we sold our beloved NES, along with Keds shoeboxes FULL of cherished game cartridges (Double Dragon, I still miss you) at yard sales across the country. Soon after, the Legend of Zelda faded into the past.

Had we not been so greedy, a little hoarding may have paid off -- complete NES systems, along with game cartridges, consoles and converters, are now hauling in serious coin on eBay. Vintage gaming is back in a big way, and Nintendo's still trying to take part, by promoting throw-back products on their modern platforms.

So there you have it, friends -- a brief history of Nintendo. Wii conclude today's lesson so you can get back to your Mario Karting. Class dismissed.

 

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Hey Guys, Here Are Some Guys With Zooey Deschanel Eyes

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Look, I know what you're thinking. You don't want to see another silly collection of photos where celebrities' faces are Photoshopped in some way to make them more hilarious. Pffff, yeah right! We know what you want and what you like, so here are 11 guys from Kanye West to Barack Obama, along with fictional characters like Walter White and Tyrion Lannister, all sporting Zooey Deschanel eyes (via tumblr).

guys with zooey deschanel eyes, kanye west zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, don draper zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, bob ross zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, hulk hogan zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, walter white zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, guy fieri zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, the shining zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, rick ross zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, wolverine zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, tyrion lannister zooeyes
guys with zooey deschanel eyes, barack obama zooeyes
via Guys With Zooeyes

 

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Illinois Woman Breaks Into House and Demands Beer

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And as is usually the case, it wasn't the kind of woman you want to break into your place and drink your beer.

According to the Daily Herald, Lidia Zuradzka's last name is a damn nightmare, and she is being held on $100,000 bond after breaking into a stranger's home and telling the woman who lived there that she wanted her beer.

The woman who owned the house was upstairs when Zuradzka snuck in through an unlocked door and grabbed a beer off a table. When the woman came downstairs and found Zuradzka in her living room, she asked her what she was doing. Zuradzka responded, "I want beer."

The woman screamed and Zuradzka ran out of the house. It's still unclear if the woman screamed because Zuradzka made a threatening maneuver or simply because this is what the woman who was standing in her living room looked like:

woman breaks into house and demands beer
If you're keeping score at home, this is now the third time Zuradzka has been arrested for trespassing in somebody else's house and probably not the first time she's done something illegal to get her hands on some booze.

The homeowner should feel extremely lucky, as it could have been much worse: Florida Man Stabs Friend and Dog Over Last Can of Beer

 

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Friday Night At Home: Alone vs. With Your Girlfriend

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It's a fact of life: the longer you're in a relationship, the less you go out. Once you've accepted this domesticated bliss, you learn to appreciate the simpler things in life, like a quiet Friday night at home. The only thing is, it's not so quiet unless you have the place to yourself. Let's take a look at a classic Friday night at home alone vs. with your girlfriend.

friday night at home chart

 

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Man Being Robbed At Gunpoint Captures Everything On GoPro Camera

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This is a terrifying video. A man in South Africa was out for a bike ride with a GoPro camera attached to his helmet when three men wielding guns approach him. They demand he get off his bike and give him everything of value he has on him. They take the bike, along with his cell phone, his sunglasses, his keys, and his wallet.

At one point, you can barely hear the victim say, "That's all I've got on me. I promise" as you see his shadow holding up its hands with the GoPro camera still on his helmet. For some reason, the not-so-bright robbers left the man with the GoPro camera - easily worth at least $200, mind you - on top of his head, which has allowed the man to post the video to YouTube where footage of the men has gone viral. Let's hope it helps them be identified and properly prosecuted.

 

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17 Crazy Water Slide GIFs

This Guy's First Day on the Job is Probably Not Going According to Plan

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The title of this video is "First Day at a New Job," and if the end of it is any indication, he may not have made it to his second day. It looks like he's all right after he gets catapulted off the machine, but he should probably read the instruction manual again before he gets back on it.

 

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Jessica Ashley Gets Two First Names Because She's Twice As Hot

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Jessica Ashley's cover as the June 2014 Playmate of the Month has gotten our heads spinning. We've been waiting for Jessica's anticipated centerfold, but the only problem is, we weren't ready for her to look this sexy in black lace -- even better than we could've hoped for. Talk about a good problem to have! We thank Jessica for teaching us that men can, in fact, trust a girl with two first names.

Jessica Ashley has made a name for herself in the Instagram world, and now the Detroit native is making herself a household name. Stay tuned for more of her here at Mandatory.

 

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The Lovely Jenna Berman is a Model Actress


Jessica Parker Kennedy of 'Black Sails' Has Never Been SexiARRR

Indian Woman Bites Off Husband's Balls Because He Cooked His Own Food

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I've never been to India, so I'm not very familiar with their customs and culture. But I'd venture a guess that in any country on this planet, she overreacted.
woman bites off man's balls
According to Death and Taxes, a woman in the Madhya Pradesh district of India bit off her husband's testicles after he decided to make breakfast for himself last month.

Jitendra Patel asked his wife Uma to make him breakfast on May 5. When she refused, he entered the kitchen and began making it himself. An argument ensued, and when the dust had finally settled, Jitendra was nutless.

While he managed to escape and report the ball-biting to police, Jitendra initially refused to go to the hospital because of the public humiliation that would follow. When the remnants of his beanbag became infected, a "friend" told him to treat it with local herbs. The herbs caused swelling and a puss-filled formation began to grow.

Jitendra finally went to the hospital for help but only after a local woman told Jitendra that women have venomous teeth and the venom would spread all over his body. He underwent surgery last week, but there were no updates on the condition of his stones.

His wife will likely be charged with attempted murder. If she is sent to prison, we'll assume that any male prisoners at the same facility will leave her alone.

Here's an article about a man's junk that is just a tad funnier: The Life of a Man's Penis Has Ups and Downs

 

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Bad News Delivered By Cute Animals

The Mandatory Shop is Having a Summer Blowout Sale

Elevator Shoots Up 31 Floors And Slams Sole Passenger Into Roof

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Where's 1994 Keanu Reeves when you need him? While this elevator malfunction wasn't the handiwork of some twisted madman, it's still pretty terrifying. A man in Santiago, Chile entered the elevator on the ground floor of an apartment complex and experienced what we all have had nightmares about. The elevator began to shoot up the entirety of the building before the doors could even close. The elevator hit the ceiling throwing it's passenger against it before stopping at the top floor. The man was rescued and is in stable condition, but may never walk again due to damage to his spine.

via Gawker

 

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