A Parent's Review of 'Frozen' After Watching It for the 500th Time

August 6, 2014, 3:50 am

≫ Next: What Your Pizza Topping Says About You

≪ Previous: Where to Find the World's Largest Slip-n-Slides

$

0

0

Like every other parent in the world, I have now watched Disney's animated kid crack "Frozen" for the fifth time today. I don't know what it is about this movie that causes kids to obsess. Maybe this is payback for all the times we yelled at our friends to watch "Breaking Bad." I don't know. What I do know is that after watching "Frozen" yet again, I've realized there are some truly disturbing characters and story lines that no one seems to mind. Things you might not notice on a single viewing, but when you've pretty much been forced to watch it like the picture below so many times, you start to find things to be a little off.


Elsa and Anna's Parents
Let's talk about these problem-solvers for a minute. The movie starts out with Elsa and Anna playing "let's manifest snow and ice" in a giant room, when something goes terribly wrong. Elsa accidentally hits Anna with ice, nearly killing her. The parents, who are clearly terrible at supervision, do what anyone would do in that situation and take Anna to a bunch of trolls that know how to heal internal frostbite.

In order to keep an incident like this from happening again, these parents of the year do the only sensible thing and lock each kid in isolation from each other for a decade! The movie does this cute little time-lapse song where Anna is dancing outside Elsa's door asking if she wants to build a snowman. It's basically "The Man in the Iron Mask" with adorable children. How is this your solution? There is never any social interaction for the kids so they basically locked them away like the Elephant Man.

You can't really blame Anna for getting engaged to the first guy she meets because she's so desperate to get some companionship in her fortress of solitude, I'm surprised she didn't "Cast Away" it and draw a face on a volleyball.

Kristoff
So, this guy is definitely insane. He was apparently raised by a reindeer named Sven and at some point used Sven as the voice of his schizophrenia. Throughout the movie he carries on full "conversations" with Sven where they argue and debate, but it's all Kristoff just talking in a different voice.

Imagine if you were walking down the street and saw a guy talking to his dog saying, "Hey, should we help that girl that's carrying all those groceries?" Then he changes his voice to one that sounds like Uncle Joey from "Full House" doing a bad impression and says, "Hmm, it would be a nice gesture, wouldn't it?" This conversation would go on for several minutes, but by that point you've already got mace in hand and 911 dialed on your phone just in case this psychopath lunges towards you.

Anna's Love Life
Anna gets engaged to the first guy she meets because he's hot and, well, that's it. Later, she learns that true love takes time. That's why she dumps him and falls in love with the SECOND guy she meets, Kristoff, who she clearly saw eat a carrot out of an animal's mouth. What a story for the grandchildren! I know they don't technically get together, but come on.


Olaf
Dude, what is going on with Olaf? He magically appeared somehow in the woods and may have a learning disability, but clearly wants to get up on Anna. He's always trying to get rid of Kristoff and when he finally gets Anna alone starts to make his move. She's sitting by the fire and he comes up and starts to melt. She lets him know he's melting and he tells her that some people are worth melting for.

Anna immediately shuts his game down because HE ... IS ... A ... SNOWMAN. Keep that carrot in your pants, bro. I hope Disney makes a prequel to "Frozen" that just focuses on creepy Olaf wandering around in the woods and learning how to communicate like Jodie Foster in "Nell."

Anna's Frozen Heart
So, let me get this straight: When Anna was a kid and got hit by Elsa's ice slinger, the only solution from the trolls was to isolate the girls forever. When Anna gets hit with ice as an adult, the trolls let her know the only way to keep her from dying is from a kiss?

Come on, trolls. Just admit this is all your elaborate plan to make out with her. You kept her single all these years by having her parents isolate her and now, as an adult, the only cure is smooching. Can you imagine if you went to the doctor and he prescribed you open mouth kisses for your headache? WebMD wouldn't even recommend something that ridiculous.


Hans
This idiot comes in with the plan of seducing the queen with his abs. The most ridiculous part of his whole story is that he decides to lie and tell everyone that Anna is dead, but not before she married him, thus leaving him in charge. EVERYONE BELIEVES IT! What? No one says, "Hmm, let's go see the body. We should probably see the body of this important political figure before we just write her off as dead. Don't you think?"

Plus, no one asks for any marriage proof? Obama has been asked for his birth certificate for years, but this stranger comes in and says he married her and everyone just accepts it. I don't know if I hate this guy or admire him for taking advantage of the stupidity of everyone around him.

I could go on and on about Hans, but it appears my kid is asking to watch "Frozen." AGAIN. So I'm going to draw a warm bath and submerge myself in it until he's 15. So long!

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

---

What Your Pizza Topping Says About You

August 6, 2014, 5:10 am

≫ Next: Baby Stops Crying Only When Katy Perry's 'Dark Horse' Is Played

≪ Previous: A Parent's Review of 'Frozen' After Watching It for the 500th Time

$

0

0

Curious what kind of dude you are, based on your delivery? We break it down below. Hint: there's only one right answer.



Pepperoni
You are but a man-child. You think you can fill that emotional void with salty, greasy meat, but you are mistaken.



Mushrooms
You're difficult to get along with - not so much a people person, and would much rather live in a hollowed-out tree in the forest than have to interact with others.



Peppers
Peppers? This transparent attempt at something "different" merely draws attention to your sameness. Nice try, though!



Olives
Mean and spiteful, much? Like the olives you adore, your heart is small, black and salty.



Pineapple and Ham
You probably insisted your mom put jellybeans on top of your dinner as a child to make it "taste better." You simply cannot stand the idea of being an adult, can you?



Cheese
Yawn.

Vegetarian
You are gassy, but you don't realize it. Additionally, no one wants to share your little farmers market pizza, so just grab your yoga mat and go.

Everything
Remember what happened to the fat guy in "Se7en"? Your gluttony is only eclipsed by your compulsive tendency to self-medicate.



Quattro Formaggi
Just because you use fancy Italian words doesn't mean you'd be any less pleased with Velveeta, Kraft Singles, grated parmesan and canned queso. Can you even breathe?



Tomato and Basil
Are you wearing leather loafers when it's 93 degrees outside? And, no, we do not want to hear about your "travels."



Egg
Security! Please, sir, just step away from the plate. It's the first step to healing.



Spinach
You're not serious, are you?



​Sausage
You're fearless! The thought of eating ground-up hooves, snouts and ears doesn't phase you in the least. You're unafraid and not interested in reality whatsoever. If it's chewy, you love it, and we commend you for that.

Related: Make Sriracha Chicken Wings at Home. Swear, They're Easy!

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Baby Stops Crying Only When Katy Perry's 'Dark Horse' Is Played

August 6, 2014, 5:11 am

≫ Next: Insurance Company Pays Elderly Man's Settlement in Coins

≪ Previous: What Your Pizza Topping Says About You

$

0

0

Just like two grown men would stop fighting if you shoved a topless photo of Katy Perry between their faces, this seemingly annoying crying kid turns into an adorable dancing baby the instant she hears Perry's "Dark Horse" bumping through her mom's car stereo speakers.

According to Gawker, Katy Perry herself saw the video shortly after Eva Baker posted it to YouTube and loved it so much that she offered (via her Twitter account) to babysit the kid for just ten bucks an hour and some Oreos.

No word if Perry will knock the ten bucks an hour down to eight if Baker throws in some Double Stuf Oreos instead, but there's no denying that it would actually be a treat to babysit this kid. Well, unless her mother doesn't leave you a copy of "Dark Horse."


Here's a story that would probably stop most baby boys from crying: Anna Kendrick Reveals That Katy Perry Finger-Banged Her Cleavage

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Insurance Company Pays Elderly Man's Settlement in Coins

August 6, 2014, 5:44 am

≫ Next: 15 of the Most Funny and Creative Bathroom Signs Around

≪ Previous: Baby Stops Crying Only When Katy Perry's 'Dark Horse' Is Played

$

0

0

Funny: A Packers fan wins 20 bucks from a Bears fan when Green Bay beats Chicago again, and the Bears fan pays him in all pennies.

Not funny: An elderly man is assaulted by an insurance company employee and they pay their entire $21,000 settlement to him in loose change, with one bucket so heavy that he can't lift it.

But according to CBS Los Angeles, that is exactly what happened to a 76-year-old man in East Los Angeles recently when he finally received his settlement money from Adriana's Insurance Service as a result of an alleged assault on the old man by one of their employees two years ago.

It took eight Adriana's Insurance employees to drop off more than 16 buckets of loose quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies at Andres Carrasco's attorney's office, and Carrasco's attorney said it will probably take more than a week to count it to make sure it's all there.

We're unsure what Adriana's Insurance has up their sleeves for an encore. Perhaps something like paying an old woman one of their employees pushed out of her wheelchair a few years ago in Nepalese coins? That would be sufficient.

Here's an insurance policy that you hope to never cash in: Somebody is Finally Offering Penis Insurance

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

15 of the Most Funny and Creative Bathroom Signs Around

August 6, 2014, 5:50 am

≫ Next: Today's Funny Photos

≪ Previous: Insurance Company Pays Elderly Man's Settlement in Coins

$

0

0

You gotta hand it to certain businesses who go to extra lengths to make their customers laugh. A trip to the bathroom is routine, but there's no reason you can't have yourself a little comic relief as you make your way towards some physical relief. Here are some hilariously creative men's and women's restroom signs.

(h/t Happy Place)

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Today's Funny Photos

August 7, 2014, 12:49 am

≫ Next: 14 Résumés That Probably Didn't Lead to Getting the Job

≪ Previous: 15 of the Most Funny and Creative Bathroom Signs Around

$

0

0

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

14 Résumés That Probably Didn't Lead to Getting the Job

August 7, 2014, 1:51 am

≫ Next: The Craziest Twins of All Time

≪ Previous: Today's Funny Photos

$

0

0

We all want that dream job, but sometimes it's just not in the cards. Or, maybe we don't realize there are certain red flags on our résumés until it's too late. If you're not quite sure what we mean, these 14 résumé fails will help you understand more clearly.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

The Craziest Twins of All Time

August 7, 2014, 2:15 am

≫ Next: The Funniest GIFs of the Week

≪ Previous: 14 Résumés That Probably Didn't Lead to Getting the Job

$

0

0

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

---

The Funniest GIFs of the Week

August 7, 2014, 2:50 am

≫ Next: Oklahoma Teacher Shows Up Hammered Without Pants On for Her First Day of School

≪ Previous: The Craziest Twins of All Time

$

0

0

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Oklahoma Teacher Shows Up Hammered Without Pants On for Her First Day of School

August 7, 2014, 3:10 am

≫ Next: 'Orange Is the New Black' Is Basically The WWF's Attitude Era

≪ Previous: The Funniest GIFs of the Week

$

0

0

On a scale of 1 to 10, we'll classify this first impression as a -12.

According to FOX23, Lorie Hill's first day as a teacher at Wagoner High School went about as bad as it could possibly get. Hill was arrested for public intoxication after two other teachers found her drunk and not wearing any pants in her classroom on Monday.

Police said the newly-hired Hill showed up Monday morning without checking in and "claimed an empty classroom as her own." When several of Hill's new coworkers approached her about it, she responded by dropping her pants.

The 49-year-old admitted to police that she had been drinking vodka, and even though police said they found an empty cup in her car, she was only charged with public intoxication without a "credible witness to probe that Hill drank at her house in Claremore and then commuted to Wagoner under the influence."

Let's be honest. Unless Hill was hired to teach her students that abstinence is the way to go, she's probably in deep shit.

Odds are this guy won't be replacing her: Substitute Teacher Caught Masturbating on the Job

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

'Orange Is the New Black' Is Basically The WWF's Attitude Era

August 7, 2014, 4:50 am

≫ Next: Replacing Rock Stars' Guitars With Slugs Puts a Slimy Spin on Solos

≪ Previous: Oklahoma Teacher Shows Up Hammered Without Pants On for Her First Day of School

$

0

0

Everyone just loves "Orange Is the New Black," but few realize how similar it is to the glorious period of professional wrestling known as "The Attitude Era." The time frame from 1997-2002 was the peak of popularity for the WWE (which was still the WWF at the time).

Here are ten different story lines and characters from each program that line up with each other. So if your significant other is into "Orange Is the New Black" and you're not, you can just pretend it's a re-creation of the WWF story lines.

*Editor's Note: If you aren't caught up on either program, there are a lot of *SPOILERS*, so proceed cautiously.


1. Alex Screws Piper Over in Court
Piper had to move to a city that's foreign to her in order to testify against Alex's drug boss. Alex lays out a game plan for how they'll handle themselves on the stand that would protect them both. However, after Piper holds up her end of the agreement, Alex screws her over and does what's best for only her. The story ends with one of them leaving the prison for good, but we do see her make a return later on.

The Montreal Screwjob
Bret Hart was taking on Shawn Michael in Montreal in 1997. Their boss, Mr. McMahon, had laid out a plan that would let Bret win the title, but give it up the following night on "Raw." It would seemingly work out best for both he and the WWF. However, after Hart held up his end of the agreement in doing the match, he was screwed over by McMahon and Shawn Michaels. The story ends with Hart spitting on McMahon, destroying the set and leaving the WWF for good. But we do see him eventually make a return to the WWE years later after WCW had shut down.


2. Galina "Red" Reznikov and Yvonne "Vee" Parker
Red ran a smuggling business that was operating quite well. She had loyal followers that trusted and respected her. That is, until Vee came in and manipulated them into following her instead and got them to their backs on Red. Red seema to have less and less pull as the show progresses, while Vee is becoming one of the most dominant figures in the prison.

Farooq and The Rock Battle for Control of the Nation of Domination
This story is basically the same thing as the parallel story in "Orange Is the New Black." Farooq had controlled the Nation of Domination for quite some time with the absence of The Rock. When The Rock returned, he immediately began working to take over control of the group and push Farooq out. Within just a short time he had become the dominant figure and Farooq became less and less important. It's clear which of the two went on to have the more successful career.


3. Piper Is Disappointed With Her Weekend Pass From Prison
Alex gets a pass for a few days to attend the funeral of her grandmother. She expects it to be a fantastic time hanging out with old friends and just enjoying her freedom. She quickly learns that things have drastically changed and after a terrible experience seems to look forward to returning to the place she thought she hated.

X-Pac Is Disappointed With His Time in WCW
In 1996, X-Pac left the WWF and joined his friends Scott Hall and Kevin Nash at WCW. It was supposed to be a huge move for him as he would have more money and freedom than ever before. He quickly discovered it wasn't what he had hoped, as he immediately clashed with Eric Bishoff. In 1998, after a short absence from the WWF, he happily returned to the place that he seemed to have disliked so much before.


4. Piper Finally Fights Tiffany Doggett
At the end of season one, the tension between Piper and Doggett was at an all time high. Doggett had been antagonizing Piper and provoking her time after time. Finally the tension came to a head and Piper severely beat Doggett. No one had ever stood up to her that way and it changed how everyone looked at Piper, as well as Doggett, forever.

Steve Austin Finally Stuns Vince McMahon
Some feel that Stone Cold Steve Austin was the one to usher in the iconic Attitude Era of the WWF. McMahon, just like Doggett, claimed to be the voice of reason and continually confronted Austin. With a group of officers standing nearby, Austin shocked the world as he hit Vince McMahon with a Stone Cold Stunner and changed the way everyone looked at Austin, as well as McMahon, forever.


5. Larry Leaves Piper for the Most Unlikely Companion
Larry finally grows tired of his pseudo relationship with Piper and ends up getting with the most unlikely partner: Polly.

Goldust Leaves Marlena for the Most Unlikely Companion
In 1997, Goldust grew tired of having Marlena accompany him to the ring and ended their relationship. After that he joined with the most unlikely partner of all: Luna Vachon.


6. Everyone Is Shocked and Disgusted When Bennett (a Guard) Gets Diaz (a Prisoner) Pregnant
The forbidden relationship between Bennett and Diaz took a huge turn when it was revealed that Diaz was pregnant. It's been one of the biggest story lines for both seasons, as everyone has been fascinated with a story involving a controversial pregnancy.

Mark Henry Gets Mae Young Pregnant
In 2000, the 77-year-old Mae Young was involved in a storyline where she was dating Mark Henry. It was soon revealed that she was pregnant with Henry's baby. Obviously everyone was fascinated with a story involving such a controversial pregnancy, however I don't see Diaz's pregnancy ending the same way Young's did. If you don't remember or blocked it out of your memory, Mae Young ended up giving birth to a rubber hand.


7. Natalie Figueroa
The Executive Assistant to the Warden of Litchfield is hated by all the inmates because she will do whatever it takes to get her way. She is surrounded by her mindless henchmen and does whatever it takes to shut down any opposition.

Mr. McMahon
Mr. McMahon is the owner of the WWE, but his character was much more demonstrative. He would do anything to get his way, including stepping into the ring and taking on the top names in the industry. He was also surrounded by his henchmen, Gerald Brisco and Pat Patterson.


8. Tasha and Crazy Eyes
The duo wasn't very successful on their own, but once they joined forces under Vee and started breaking all the rules, they became more powerful than at any point during their time in Litchfield.

New Age Outlaws
Billy Gunn and Jesse James had very little success on their own, but once they joined forces under DX and started breaking all the rules, they became one of the most popular and powerful tag teams in the WWF.


9. Nicky Nichols
Nichols is a beloved character that often doesn't get the attention she deserves because her character is so focused on sexual, comical story lines.

Val Venis
Venis was an amazing talent, and while he saw some success, he was never taken too seriously because all of his story lines were focused on sexual, comical elements.


10. George Mendez
The controversial corrections officer had some of the most disturbing moments in the first two seasons of the show. He was abusive and constantly crossed the line.

Big Boss Man
The Big Boss man had been around for years, but during the Attitude Era the corrections officer had some truly disturbing moments. The one that stands out in particular is when he went to The Big Show's father's funeral and dragged the casket down the road while it was tied to the back of his car.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Replacing Rock Stars' Guitars With Slugs Puts a Slimy Spin on Solos

August 7, 2014, 5:50 am

≫ Next: Swiss Parliament Secretary Busted Taking Nudie Pics at Work

≪ Previous: 'Orange Is the New Black' Is Basically The WWF's Attitude Era

$

0

0

The concept here is simple, yet brilliant. Guitarists tend to make strange faces when they are busting out sweet licks, but sometimes they look more afraid than they do "in the zone." Enter Slug Solos, which replaces their guitars with giant slug creatures, rendering their faces a bit more accurate to the situation. Sure, bassists holding fish probably would have made a lot more sense, but why argue the logic with something as entertaining as this?

James Hetfield of Metallica
Rivers Cuomo of Weezer

Ace Frehley of Kiss
John Mayer

Carlos Santana

Angus Young of AC/DC

Jimi Hendrix

Eddie Van Halen of Van Halen
Bruce Springsteen

Keith Richards of The Rolling Stones
Dave Grohl of Foo Fighters
Matt Bellamy of Muse

Adam Levine of Maroon 5
Prince

This last guy may not be famous, but he can slug it out with the best of them
via tumblr

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Swiss Parliament Secretary Busted Taking Nudie Pics at Work

August 7, 2014, 6:27 am

≫ Next: Mumford & Sons Is the Reason There Are Babies in Your News Feed

≪ Previous: Replacing Rock Stars' Guitars With Slugs Puts a Slimy Spin on Solos

$

0

0

The fact that she didn't think she was doing anything wrong is almost as crazy as the size of her pierced nipples.

According to Reuters, a secretary working in Swiss Parliament has been suspended after it was discovered she was taking naked selfies at work and posting them on her Twitter account.


The unnamed woman told a Swiss newspaper that she didn't think she was doing anything wrong even though many of the selfies were taken while she was working inside the 162-year-old Federal Palace in Berne. She apparently figured the pictures "did not violate guidelines for federal employees because they were part of her private life."

The nudie pics might have been private at one time, but that all changed when she posted them to her Twitter account for her 11,700 followers to see. Sadly, her account has since been deleted, but thanks to the gang at Gawker (Warning: this link includes NSFW pics), you can still take a gander at a few of her better efforts.

And yes, those pictures are about as appropriate for work as snapping a picture of your jugs from your desk and then posting them on Twitter.

You didn't get that memo? Spokane Police Sent Memo Reminding Them Not to Have Sex While on Duty

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Mumford & Sons Is the Reason There Are Babies in Your News Feed

August 7, 2014, 6:37 am

≫ Next: The Huckleberry Finn Movie Trailer Is Here - 'ThisIsMarkTwain@aol.com'

≪ Previous: Swiss Parliament Secretary Busted Taking Nudie Pics at Work

$

0

0

"Blame Mumford & Sons" is a brilliant song by Derick Watts & The Sunday Blues. It hilariously explains why the explosion of Mumford & Sons onto the music scene is indirectly responsible for quite a bit of the things going on in your life. Sit back, listen, enjoy and completely agree with everything they sing.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

The Huckleberry Finn Movie Trailer Is Here - 'ThisIsMarkTwain@aol.com'

August 7, 2014, 7:08 am

≫ Next: Pennsylvania News Team Gets Spooked While Investigating Haunted House

≪ Previous: Mumford & Sons Is the Reason There Are Babies in Your News Feed

$

0

0

It's been a long journey for Mark Twain this season on "ThisIsMarkTwain@aol.com," but it appears that all of his hard work has finally paid off, and he's going to get the respect he so craves in the form of a new movie about his beloved characters, Huck and Jim. But, after he sees the trailer, will he be pleased?

For more funny original content, subscribe to Mandatory's YouTube channel and be sure to follow Mark Twain on Twitter.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

---

Pennsylvania News Team Gets Spooked While Investigating Haunted House

August 7, 2014, 7:20 am

≫ Next: Today's Funny Photos

≪ Previous: The Huckleberry Finn Movie Trailer Is Here - 'ThisIsMarkTwain@aol.com'

$

0

0

DeAnna Simpson and her husband claim their Hanover, Pennsylvania house is being haunted by some "bad, dark and inhuman forces." The Dead Files on Travel Channel featured Simpson's house on a recent episode, and that prompted a local news team to make the trek to Hanover to get a taste of it as well.

Odds are, they won't be going back there anytime soon.

When FOX43 reporter and smoking hottie Katie Kyros and her cameraman sat down with Simpson at her haunted house recently, the crew experienced what was probably their creepiest interview to date. Just a few minutes into the interview, the cameraman said he felt his wrist "burning." Simpson immediately knew what had happened and asked him if he had been scratched.

The news report also featured a photo of what Simpson says is a seven-foot shadow man as well as video of a door closing on its own after Simpson tells the spirit or ghost to do it. Here's the entire, creepy report:


Haunted or not, it's safe to say that this is probably the most exciting thing to ever happen in Hanover, Pennsylvania.

Just when you thought it couldn't get any creepier than that: Ghostly Photos That Will Keep You Up at Night

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Today's Funny Photos

August 7, 2014, 6:46 pm

≫ Next: 18 of the Funniest GIFs, Pics and Clips From 'Chappelle's Show'

≪ Previous: Pennsylvania News Team Gets Spooked While Investigating Haunted House

$

0

0

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

18 of the Funniest GIFs, Pics and Clips From 'Chappelle's Show'

August 8, 2014, 1:51 am

≫ Next: Girl Takes Specific Routes on Running App to Draw Funny Pictures

≪ Previous: Today's Funny Photos

$

0

0

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

Girl Takes Specific Routes on Running App to Draw Funny Pictures

August 8, 2014, 2:13 am

≫ Next: The Ladies of Lollapalooza, 2014

≪ Previous: 18 of the Funniest GIFs, Pics and Clips From 'Chappelle's Show'

$

0

0

A lot of people use the Nike+ app as a motivational exercise tool. It uses GPS to track your run, shows the miles you've traveled, the amount of calories burned, and a whole bunch more. But we truly didn't realize the genius of this app until Claire Wyckoff came along and started using her routes to draw hilarious images. Mainly dicks. Lots and lots of dicks. But sometimes she gets a little more creative.

(h/t Uproxx)

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments

The Ladies of Lollapalooza, 2014

August 8, 2014, 2:20 am

≫ Next: Man Claims His Masturbation Habit as a Kid Killed His Cat

≪ Previous: Girl Takes Specific Routes on Running App to Draw Funny Pictures

$

0

0

Lollapalooza can be a bit of a sausage fest - at least on the stage. So we're looking back at last week's hottest female performers. We think you'll develop a renewed interest in emerging artists ... starting with Iggy Azalea, the 24-year-old Australian, looking "Fancy."



NONONO's not just your girlfriend's favorite expression; it's also a Swedish pop band featuring angelic Stina Wäppling vocalizing something awesome.



Next up? Francisca Valenzuela. She became popular in Latin America in 2007, and after a couple platinum albums in Chile made her mark in the U.S. of A. at SXSW.



Hannah Hooper from Grouplove's become as famous for her bodysuits as she has for her vocals.



Another Hannah, this one Reid, brings the sound (and mesh tops) to London Grammar.



Jenny Lewis is an American singer-songwriter, musician and actress. Fun fact? She's not only performed in a dozen teen-themed flicks, she's also been on a Jell-O commercial, and had bit parts on both "The Golden Girls" and "Mr. Belvedere."



We thought the Internet hated Jhené Aiko because "the worst" immediately follows her name in a Google search. But that's just the name of a song of hers that rose to number one this year. We need to get out more.



Kate Nash is a singer, songwriter and activist from the U.K. She also has wings, and eyes for boobs.



Krewella is a dance music trio from Chicago; Jahan Yousaf and Yasmine Yousaf bring the sexy along to the tunes. It does not appear that anyone in this band bathes with frequency.



Lauren Mayberry's an adorable Scottish songstress for electronic band Chvrches. Before that she was a serious journalist.



Nope, that's not a split-screen. Brooklyn Indie Pop band Lucius features Jess Wolfe (lead vocals and synth) and Holly Laessig (lead vocals and keys), and was dubbed by Rolling Stone as "the best band you may not have heard yet."



Lykke Li is the Swedish Indie break-out that's tambourine-ing her way onto the global stage. Just not at this very moment.



You may not know Noelle Scaggs by looking at her, but you've definitely heard her. During her 15 years in the business she's worked with The Black Eyed Peas, Damian Marley and performed at this year's Lolla with Fitz and the Tantrums.



The performance by Perry/Etty vs Joachim Garraud featured Etty Lau Farrell, who you may recognize from "Married to Rock," as she's married to Perry Farrell of Jane's Addiction.



Phantogram is a duo that performs "street beat and psych pop," with Sarah Barthel on vocals and keyboard. The dude in the band's her best friend from junior high. Awwwww.



Warpaint formed in 2004 and has worked with, opened for, collaborated with and covered just about everyone in modern music. Meet Emily Kokal, Theresa Wayman, Jenny Lee Lindberg and Stella Mozgawa.



Courtney Barnett's another spark plug from Australia; she formed her own record company to release her first EP two years ago, and here she is on the big stage.



Delta Rae's a band from Durham, N.C., with five members. But you'll be most interested in asking Brittany Holljes and Elizabeth Hopkins out for drinks. Just be warned: Brittany's two brothers are also in the band.



The Airborne Toxic Event's a band from LA that features Anna Bulbrook on violin, tambourine and vocals.



Let's get a little Indie for a moment, shall we? Charity Rose Thielen does vocals and violin for Seattle's The Head and the Heart.

 

Permalink | Email this | Linking Blogs | Comments