11 Genius Ideas We Need to Make Happen ASAP

August 13, 2014, 5:49 am

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The world is full of people with great ideas. Sadly, many of them never get to see their concepts come to fruition. Well, we're here to put a stop to that. Somewhere out there, a genius (or maybe several geniuses) had the brilliant ideas you see below, and they are all cool things we need to make happen pronto. Somebody get on it.












via Izismile

 

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Arizona Congressional Candidate Sends Out Flyer With Massive Horse Penis On It

August 13, 2014, 6:57 am

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Gary Kiehne might be the conservative candidate for Arizona's 1st Congressional District, but there is nothing conservative about the horse in the background of a flyer that was recently mailed out to the district's voters.

Via Uproxx, the flyer features Kiehne sporting a cowboy hat and talking to two guys as they stand around the back of a pickup truck. Yeah, it doesn't take a genius to figure out Kiehne's position on gun control.

But it's the massive gun a horse in the background is carrying on his underbelly that makes this flyer perhaps the funniest piece of political literature of all time:


Washington might be broken, but that horse's dick sure isn't.

Who knows? Maybe Gary Kiehne is subliminally telling his potential constituents that if he isn't carrying a big enough stick to repeal Obamacare, lower taxes, and keep Arizona's border with Mexico secure, his horse definitely is.

Hey, at least he didn't cut that thing off and try to sell it to his constituents as a meal: Texas Supermarket Tried to Sell Bull Penis as Human Food

 

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Dog Watches in Horror as Fox Plays With His Toy Outside

August 13, 2014, 7:19 am

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Imagine leaving your golf clubs on your front porch, and while you're inside your house enjoying a bag of Fritos, some clown who lives down the street pulls out your lob wedge and takes a few hacks on your lawn.

You want to go outside and rip his head off, but your wife won't let you. Instead of opening the door and letting you take care of business, your wife makes you angrily watch from your living room window while this guy is having the time of his life.

After a minute or so, it's absolutely killing you. Still, you have to sit inside and watch because your wife wants to get your reaction to this guy playing with your clubs in your yard on video, all so she can get a couple hundred thousand views on her YouTube channel.

Yeah, we're pretty sure we know exactly how this dog feels watching a fox chew up his toy in his yard:


Now something like this we totally understand why you hit record and just let it play out: This Has to Be the Best Dog Tackle Ever

 

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If Hard Alcohol Labels Could Predict Your Near Future

August 13, 2014, 10:56 am

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We're all adults here, right? So most likely, we've all had experiences with alcohol that maybe weren't our proudest moments, and we wish someone would have warned us. Well, these truthful labels for various spirits are what you're looking for. Consider yourself warned.








h/t Reddit

 

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Today's Funny Photos

August 13, 2014, 7:35 pm

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Austrian Woman Admits to Filming Porn in Church

August 13, 2014, 8:10 pm

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Hey, you can only hear the same stories again and again before you start doing something else to pass the time.

According to Huffington Post, a 24-year-old amateur porn star in Hörsching was arrested and charged with offending religious feeling and desecration of a church after a hypocritical asshole who recognized her breasts and the inside of the church ruined it for everybody else and ratted her out.

One of the two videos the woman filmed in the church was available online and featured her opening her shirt, playing with her jugs and "holding what appears to be a Bible and a rosary." Even though she never showed her face, a parishioner watching some of the footage on the local news told police he knew who owned those boobs.

When police arrived at the woman's residence, she confessed to making the skin flicks without the church's permission. She could be forced to pay a fine or spend up to six months in jail.

Police are still investigating how the "actress" and possibly a crew were able to get inside the church, but let's be honest. Shouldn't they also be investigating how the "sinner" who watched enough porn to recognize her breasts is still a member of the church?

More of the filthy faithful: Couple Arrested for Engaging in 'Sex Acts' on Church Lawn

 

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Japanese Woman Massages Her Breasts With Vegetables to Make Them Bigger

August 13, 2014, 8:57 pm

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You have to admit that it does sound like a much healthier alternative to implants.

According to Jezebel, a Japanese woman named Ryoko wants bigger boobs so badly that she has a YouTube channel dedicated to videos of her attempting anything to increase the size of them. And by anything, we mean a "taking a vacuum cleaner to her jugs" kind of anything.

Her latest idea? Making her breasts bigger by massaging them with vegetables.


This is the 28th different attempt Ryoko has made to increase the size of her cans, and this time around, she said she used summer vegetables because they have "grown under the influence of the summer sun and are thought to have very good properties for breast enhancement."

Well, here's hoping the vegetable massage didn't do the trick and number 29 requires a massage from a blogger.

Apparently her local supermarket doesn't carry these cookies: Japanese Cookies Claim They Can Make Breasts Bigger

 

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West Virginia Doctor Made a Female Employee 'Motorboat' Her Boobs

August 13, 2014, 9:39 pm

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Yeah, that actually sounds like the greatest day of work of all time.

According to Gawker, the West Virginia Board of Medicine will hold a three-day hearing in November to determine if a 44-year-old doctor will face any discipline after she allegedly forced a female employee to motorboat her recently-augmented breasts.

Dr. Tressie Montene Duffy is the CEO of West Virginia Weight and Wellness Inc. But in a 31-page complaint, the staff at the weight management clinic said their boss "lifted her shirt and exposed herself" to them.

One female employee also complained that the 44-year-old Duffy kissed her on the lips and forced her to "motorboat" her cans in 2012. When the employee asked her to stop, Duffy allegedly called her a "titty baby."

Duffy has also been accused of ordering and then personally using meds that were meant for "office use" as well as "signing blank prescription pads and allowing non-physician staff to prescribe Oxycodone and Xanax to patients while she was away from the office."

Let's be honest. If you found a way to get fired from this office sometime during the last three years, you're an embarrassment.

More on bad bosses: A Day Inside The Mind Of Your Dipshit Boss

 

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18 Prominent Voice Actors and Their Characters They Most Closely Resemble

August 14, 2014, 1:44 am

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Voice actors get the shaft. Sure, the best of them go on to dream careers bringing some of the most iconic cartoons characters to life, but if you were to stumble upon even the most prominent voice actors today on the street, you'd likely not even recognize them due to the nature of their profession. While we're not saying this gallery will help solve that problem, it will certainly help give you a better picture of what each actor looks like by associating their appearance with one of their most beloved characters.

Fred Welker voiced Barney Rubble on various "The Flintstones" TV specials

John DiMaggio voiced Aquaman on "Batman: The Brave and the Bold"

Tress MacNeille voices Martha Quimby on "The Simpsons"

Kevin Michael Richardson voices Principal Lewis on "American Dad!"

Billy West voiced Bi-Polar Bear on "Queer Duck"

Dan Castellaneta voiced Grandpa Phil on "Hey Arnold!"

Kath Soucie voiced Miriam Pataki on "Hey Arnold!"

Maurice LaMarche voiced Big Bob Pataki on "Hey Arnold!"

Jim Cummings voiced Monterey Jack on "Chip 'n' Dale Rescue Rangers"

Peter Cullen voiced Murky Dismal on "Rainbow Brite"

Tara Strong voiced Stacey Wintergrin on "American Dragon: Jake Long"

Jess Harnell voiced Professor Buffo on "Special Agent Oso"

Charlie Adler voiced The Zipper on "Jem"

Grey DeLisle voiced Dr. Holiday on "Generator Rex"

James Arnold Taylor voiced Brandon on "Sym-Bionic Titan"

Tom Kenny voiced Carl Chryniszzswics on "Johnny Bravo"

Jason Marsden voiced Snapper Carr on "Justice League"

Mark Hamill voiced The Trickster on "Justice League"

Bonus: Mark Hamill also voices Skips on "Regular Show"

 

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Here Are Maps of the Most Illegally Downloaded Movies and TV Shows By State

August 14, 2014, 2:50 am

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Despite the copyright laws and the constant battle to prevent piracy, a lot of people illegally download or watch movies and TV shows online. The good people of Movoto have gathered data to create another excellent interactive map that shows which states do it the most (in Vermont's defense, what else is there to do there?).

They also included maps of which movies and TV shows have been the most popular to illegally download in each state over the last 40 days. Really, New Mexico?! "Blended" is your choice?! Adam Sandler should be paying you to sit through that. But I digress...

Those two maps can be found below, but for the full collection and interactive map, head over to Movoto.

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

August 14, 2014, 3:50 am

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The World's Greatest Pool Parties

August 14, 2014, 4:06 am

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Does your idea of a good time involve splashing around in a pool full of gorgeous, half-naked women? Of course it does. Here are the eight wet-n-wild parties to hit before the summer season shuts.

8) Las Vegas: What has five stories, 75,000 square feet, and big-name resident DJs like Tiesto and Calvin Harris? The Hakkasan Hotel at the MGM in Las Vegas, which stays open all night (in case you want to hide that farmer's tan).



7) Hyde Beach: You don't have to be a pro-athlete to get sprayed down with a bottle of champagne, thanks to the ladies of XIV Sessions, serving you up at the SLS hotel in Hyde Beach.



6) Ibiza: You can see why pool partiers like the view here at the Ushuaïa pool party in Ibiza.



5) Washington, DC: Even the conservatives in DC let loose and party it up in floaties sometimes, at the Capitol Skyline Hotel.



4) Budapest: Drink and dunk at the Széchenyi baths and enjoy some thermal thrills.



3) Marbella: The Love Juice pool party in Marbella, Spain has been voted the craziest pool party in the world three years in a row, thanks to their epic champagne wars.



2) New York: Tall buildings and tall models all around at the Gansevoort Pool Party in New York City.



1) South Beach: Who needs a water slide when you can crowd surf into the pool at the Dream South Beach Hotel?

 

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15 Ridiculous Things Your Kid Has Cried Over Not Being Able to Do

August 14, 2014, 5:50 am

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Kids are an amazing blessing. They can bring an unimaginable amount of joy to your life, but sometimes you get so tired of hearing them cry over dumb things you just want to walk into the ocean. Don't worry, we've all been there. To prove it, here are 15 irrational things your kid has probably cried over not being able to do.

1. Skip Naptime
Look kid, I know you think it's the worst thing ever to have a scheduled time during every day to sleep, but you have no idea how lucky you are. In a few years, not only are you not encouraged to take day naps, it will probably cause you to lose your job. Embrace it while you can.

2. Eat Something Poisonous
If there's something you found in a cabinet and it's quickly taken out of your hand, it's not because your parents want to save all the bleach for themselves to drink later. You will literally die. I can't believe I have to explain to you why I'm saving your life.

3. Touch a Fire
Oh, sorry I don't want your skin to melt off your bones like an overcooked rotisserie chicken. I guess I'd prefer you to not have a 3D experience of "Backdraft" or look like the rejected soldier creature in "300." My apologies.

4. Put Hair in Their Mouth
Why do kids want to put hair in their mouths? At what point does the idea of a follicle rubbing against your nubby teeth seem like something you'd want to repeat on multiple occasions? I want to throw up just thinking about it.

5. Draw on the Walls
You can draw on paper all you want, but please don't start crying because your doodle on the wall coincidentally looked like a pentagram and now we have to call a priest in to cleanse the home. Those washable crayons were the worst idea ever because how do you explain to a two-year-old that those crayons are allowed on the wall, but other crayons that look identical except for a slightly different label are wrong?

6. Injure a Pet
I know you're just trying to pet the dog, but when you do it with a rake it's not really that pleasant for him.

7. Take off All Their Clothes
We all wish we could live like a Nelly song and take our clothes off at any given moment. But when we're walking through Target, it's not really an ideal time to take your pants off and spin them around your head like a helicopter.

8. Eat Dog Food
So let me get this straight, you won't eat the French toast or the chicken tenders I made for you, but as soon as you see a bowl of disgusting dog food on the floor you turn into an episode of "Man vs Food?"


9. Take off Their Diaper
No one wishes you didn't have to wear a diaper more than I do. But you're the one that has the joy of filling the diaper while I'm the one that has to purge your body of the vile wasteland that inhabits it. The problem is that you aren't going to use the toilet, so if you take your diaper off there's going to be a trail of piss across the entire house.

10. Use Your Phone/iPad After the Battery Died
I'm really sorry you can't watch another hour of "Mickey Mouse Clubhouse" on our road trip, but let's settle down just a bit. You know what app I got to use as a kid? The window. I stared out of it for 11 hours on the way to see my weird aunt in Jacksonville.

11. Eat Whipped Cream for Dinner
I love candy and junk food as much as the next person, but if the only thing you eat is whipped cream and jelly beans for dinner, your bones are going to turn to dust and fat will start dripping from your cheeks. You'll thank me later for this one.

12. Not Eat Anything at All
Oh, so you just aren't going to eat anything at all now, huh? Too busy doing cartwheels? You'd better be glad I'm around because with these lifestyle choices, you'll be dead in the next week. Please eat this food. I'm begging you.

13. Wander off Alone
I get that you're going to want to be independent when you're a teenager, but the age of 2 is not really the time to start exploring Ikea on your own. I'm not Liam Neeson and I don't have a particular set of skills that will help me find you in a store that's bigger than Paris.

14. Climb the Stairs
I've watched you struggle to walk across the living room without tumbling over. I'm definitely not going to let you Stanky Leg down a flight of stairs and tumble down like Milli Vanilli's album sales in '96.

15. Go Outside at a Terrible Time
There's so much lightning outside it looks like the first 15 minutes of Twister. I know you think the bubble machine looks so enticing out there, but you will definitely die. Think about your life choices, pal. You're not Helen Hunt so maybe hold off on the storm chasing.

 

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19 Child Actresses Who Grew up and Became Major Babes

August 14, 2014, 6:50 am

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We watch TV like a bunch of voracious animals, but when childhood actresses grow up and become incredibly good looking, we stop and take notice. Here are several girls who continue to pleasantly surprise us with their hotness as they get older, and some who we aren't so surprised by, as well.

Danica McKellar from "The Wonder Years"

Alexa Vega from "Spy Kids"

Christina Ricci from "The Addams Family"

Alyssa Milano from "Who's the Boss"

Claire Danes from "My So-Called Life"

Danielle Fishel from "Boy Meets World"

Emma Watson from "Harry Potter"

Tatyana Ali from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air"

Abigail Breslin from "Little Miss Sunshine"

Hayden Panettiere from "Remember the Titans"

Jurnee Smollett from "Hangin' With Mr. Cooper"

Kirsten Dunst from "Interview With the Vampire"

Keshia Knight Pulliam from "The Cosby Show"

Lacey Chabert from "Party of Five"

Mackenzie Rosman from "7th Heaven"

Marla Sokoloff from "Full House"

Naya Rivera from "Family Matters"

Scarlett Johansson from "North"

The Olsen Twins from "Full House"

 

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Mandatory Viewing: Coco's Thong

August 14, 2014, 11:11 am

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Welcome to Mandatory Viewing - our weekly show where men talk sports, politics, current events, and really weird Internet videos they hope their children will never see. This week: Ice T's wife Coco's new thong, Miley Cyrus squatting in the woods, and much more.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

August 14, 2014, 7:00 pm

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15 Most Unrealistic Things That Happen in Porn

August 15, 2014, 1:32 am

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There's no doubt that porn sets an unrealistic expectation for how easy it is to hook up with a stranger. While I appreciate a solid storyline as much as the next person, sometimes the acting and concepts are just so painfully bad it's almost distracting. Here are 15 of the most unrealistic things I'm sure you've noticed in porn videos.



1. If you're watching a girl get dressed through her window, she is not going to invite you in to join her nakedness. She is calling the cops and you will never be allowed near a playground again.

2. Unless you're wearing a Girls Gone Wild film crew shirt, girls aren't going to see you walking around with a camera and think, "Hmm, I should definitely go back to that dude's house and have unprotected sex with him."

3. No woman on the side of the road is going to accept a ride from a van with all the seats removed and a mattress in the back. Something about that is a bit uninviting to strangers.

4. If your wife walks in on your having sex with the babysitter, she's not going to have a moment of shock and then decide to join. She's going to murder you. I've seen enough "Law & Order: SVU" to know how these things work.

5. Unless you're a coke dealer, two random girls aren't going to show up at your house and ask to use your phone/sixty-nine with you.

6. No way you can have sex for that long and not once hear, "You're on my hair!"

7. If you ever stumble upon a glory hole, I can assure you it's not a smoking hot porn star on the other side. It's going to be a husky truck driver from the Midwest with scabby lips.

8. If you're an unemployed, lazy guy and your super hot landlord comes over to let you know you're about to be evicted, she is never going to settle the debt by having sex with you. "Oh you owe $3000? If you let me go down on you we'll call it even!" Sure, guy.

9. If a ridiculously hot girl comes to your house passing out flyers or doing a survey, she never going to take a break so you and your chubby friend can tag team her.

10. If her husband was really in the other room while she was getting pounded by the gardener or pool guy, there's no way he's not going to hear it. The bed-frame just went through the wall, for crying out loud.

11. Who on earth would finish inside of a girl as a prank? "Haha! I just got you pregnant! Now I'm going to be a father! Lol!"

12. No guy with a soul patch is having that much sex. Sorry, it's just not going to happen.

13. If the hottest girl in the world tried to pull your pants off and you were just a single, ready-to-go guy, there's no way you'd say, "Wait! What are you doing?" Your pants would be off so fast they'd break the sound barrier.

14. If you woke a girl up for sex, she's definitely not going to be wearing full porn make-up and have her hair done. If she went to sleep with all that on, she's going to wake up with smeared mascara and lipstick all over her teeth. I mean you'd obviously do it, but still.

15. And of course:

THE WOMAN IN THIS PORNO IS A MORON. HER PIZZA IS GOING TO BE COLD BY THE TIME SHE'S DONE HAVING SEX WITH THE DELIVERY GUY

- Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) May 25, 2013

 

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Fall TV 2014: Your Guide to Premiere Dates and Some Big Changes

August 15, 2014, 1:50 am

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With several series moving their season premieres from fall to spring, this year's fall TV guide is looking a little different than usual. Here's what to expect this autumn in terms of new and returning shows while some of your favorites - "Shameless," "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia" and "Parks and Recreation" - wait for 2015. (WARNING: spoilers ahead)

Boardwalk Empire
Jump forward seven years with Nucky Thompson into the Great Depression for the final eight episodes of the HBO mob drama. See who comes out on top of the corrupt crime show in its finale, beginning September 7 on HBO.


Sons of Anarchy
After a gruesome death in last season's finale, scores will be settled with a pile of bodies. Jax is out for blood in a vengeful final season for the biker boys, beginning September 9 on FX.


Gotham
The streets of Gotham were never safe, even before the Caped Crusader came along. Ben McKenzie takes on the role of a young James Gordon in a pre-Batman Gotham, featuring Batman's greatest enemies before their prime, starting September 22 on Fox.


Modern Family
After a big gay wedding finale, the Pritchetts and Dunpheys are back as the modern family we all know but don't necessarily envy. Expect unnatural quick wit, gay slander and a few new surprises in the sixth season starting this September 24 on ABC.


The Simpsons
The Simpson family is celebrating its 26th year with a nice, big death. Bite your nails and tighten your buttonhole to find out who Homer and the family say goodbye to this season on Fox beginning September 28.


Family Guy
Seth MacFarlane's time with Fox may feel like it's waning going into its 13th season. But the long-awaited crossover episode with "The Simpsons" happens this season for Peter and the Griffins, starting September 28 on Fox.


Homeland
After a sad hanging to close out its third season, a Brody-less Carrie Mathison continues to struggle with her demons. This time, she goes undercover in Pakistan starting October 5 on Showtime.


Arrow
After saving the city and losing his mother, the Arrow is back with a new enemy and some game-changing back stories. The emerald archer goes up against Ra's al Ghul in season three on The CW, premiering October 8.


The Walking Dead
The gang is back together, but they're on the other side of the bars now. See how Rick and the other survivors escape their newfound prison and try to get to Washington D.C. for a cure on October 12 on AMC.


American Horror Story
Back for a fourth season of freak shows and horror, the scariest show on TV promises a new twist on nightmares. The premiere of "Freak Show" takes place in 1950s Jupiter, Florida. Tune in October 15 on FX and get ready for the madness.


The Newsroom
It's a short but strong run for the behind-the-scenes news team, featuring the return of news anchor Will McAvoy and his team. The third and final season of Aaron Sorkin's political drama starring Jeff Daniels is slated for fall release on HBO.

 

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Louisiana Woman Poses as Dead Sister While Wearing Her Memorial Shirt

August 15, 2014, 2:24 am

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Maybe if her sister had also worn Breathe Rights while she was alive, Diondre Jones would have gotten away with it.

According to WWLTV, Jones recently posed as her dead sister at a local hospital in an attempt to avoid paying the bill, and she did it while wearing a memorial T-shirt that featured a picture of the same sister.


Police said when the 26-year-old Slidell woman walked into Slidell Memorial Hospital on August 5, not only did she give her sister's name to hospital officials, but she also used her Social Security number and birth date.

The staff became suspicious when an error popped up in the hospital's computer system that read "Date of Death Precedes Date of Service." A police officer caught up with Jones in the parking lot and arrested her for Medicaid fraud.

Jones then had the stones to tell the arresting officer that the staff must have written down the wrong name because they were looking at her shirt. That excuse might have worked if her sister's birth date and Social Security number had been on the shirt as well.

Let's be honest. If paying for a hospital visit was a bitch, odds are she'll have a hell of time coming up with the cash to pay for any fine that accompanies her possible jail time.

These crimes are just a tad on the sexier side: 10 Crimes Involving Playboy Playmates

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

August 15, 2014, 2:50 am

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.

Follow @robfee on Twitter.

*parents come into my room* "We need to talk to you... We think you're an owl." *turns neck all the way around to face them* "Who- I MEAN WHY"

- Pepper Doctor (@IRLPepperMD) March 13, 2014

If you have time-stamped VHS footage of yourself blowing out birthday candles, you'll eventually be abducted.

- Glenn Rockowitz (@justaride) April 27, 2013

They hid Wonka bars literally all over the world but the only people who found them were white people who spoke English.

- lindsey (@Lindzeta) June 19, 2012

To Do List : 1: Buy 4 Pigs 2: Paint numbers 1,2,3 & 5 on their backs 3: Release them in Wal-Mart 4: Sit back watch Security search for #4

- ✨мя Gяєєи (@iGreenMonk) November 17, 2012

"Follow your dreams!" - rich people

- Mary Charlene (@IamEnidColeslaw) April 8, 2014

Getting busted by a bike cop is like getting tackled by the punter.

- Burro Hunter (@215potter) June 12, 2013

"911 what's your em-" STAMPEDE "slow down sir" IN THE GORGE "sir I'm gonna need you t-" SIMBAS DOWN THERE

- (@trilldrone) May 31, 2013

The guy at Chipotle couldn't close my burrito. He looked up at me. I looked at him. I whispered, "It's not your fault." He wept in my arms.

- Darin Ross (@luckyshirt) August 13, 2013

You just know it's important mail when that shit says "or current resident" under your name.

- George Wallace (@MrGeorgeWallace) July 20, 2014

My dad could kick ur dads ass! Um have u seen my dad Hes a big guy huh? No really have u seen him? He left when I was 9 & never came back

- Br&on the C&w (@Brampersandon_) January 23, 2014

Me: Can I buy you a drink? Girl: I don't drink. Me: Then can I just give you $7.50 to talk with me for a few minutes?

- The Guy (@theguydf) January 20, 2013

My wife has a 4 PM hair appointment while I have a 5:15 your hair looks nice appointment.

- Joel Ingersoll (@FlyoverJoel) July 20, 2014

The University of Phoenix fight song is the dial-up internet tone

- (C)hris[TM] (@ChrisTrauma) May 6, 2014

Why does all dental floss taste like blood?

- nate (@lilnatebigworld) April 13, 2013

I got fired from subway for saying "like some kind of freak" after every vegetable the customer asked for.

- Brent (@murrman5) August 7, 2013

Hey dude you're not "under" the sea, you're "in" the sea. Your song doesn't make sense, which isn't that surprising. You're a crab.

- Greg Dorris (@GregDorris) May 11, 2013

You're talking about Shrek's monster. Shrek is the name of the scientist who created him. No one ever bothers to read the novel

- Patrick (@pattymo) December 27, 2013

I'm sorry, I could never love you the way you deserve because my heart really belongs to pushing down the buttons on soft-drink lids.

- Amanda Mancino (@Manda_like_wine) March 10, 2013

When I see a white person using chopsticks I yell "WHO ARE YOU AND HOW DID YOU LEARN OUR SECRETS" to make them feel extra badass

- Ed Lee (@smedlee) January 8, 2014

I'm not the most outgoing at a party but I'm great at smirking at my phone's weather app pretending I'm getting funny texts from friends

- Eireann Dolan (@EireannDolan) November 16, 2012

More hilarious tweets here.

 

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