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Guy Takes to 4Chan to Tell Everybody His Junk is Stuck in a Roll of Tape

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Hey, if that's what it takes to make sure this guy doesn't father any children, then so be it.

According to Gawker (Warning: very NSFW photo shown at this link), a dude got his erect penis stuck in a roll of tape last week and decided to jump on 4chan to ask people for help in getting the damn thing off.

Dude gets erection stuck in tape roll
The man said he put his dong in the tape roll because he was "bored and a girl started sending pictures of her feet."

Responses to his conundrum were mixed. While some people offered advice on how to lose the boner, others felt the need to make his "sticky situation" even worse by hoping for disaster.

One person told the guy to start doing math problems while another told him to run some water over it and call an ambulance. One guy was far less sympathetic and responded with "I legit (sic) hope your dick falls off."

No word if that actually happened. In fact, the only thing we do know is that the girl must have had really nice feet.

Here's another guy who decided to share his embarrassment with the world: Man on Reddit Says He Started Fire Attempting to Clean His Wife's Dildos

 

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Man on a Motorcycle Survives Despite Getting Smoked By a Semi

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Hell, the fact that he literally walked away from this is nothing short of a miracle.

According to LiveLeak, some Russian dude was taking a "motorcycle" that looks like a cross between a Schwinn bike and my grandma's scooter for a test drive recently, and it didn't go so well.

Before he even got off the lot, he forgot how to brake, and both he and bike slowly drifted toward the main road. By the looks of things, it was more like a highway, and that's where a semi doing somewhere around 45 MPH was just chugging along.


The guy must have taken quite the shot to his dome because he still decided to purchase a motorcycle later that day. No word if he had to pay for the other one he led into the nether regions of a tractor trailer, but since it's Russia, he should probably just thank the gods that the owner of it didn't shoot him on site.

Guys on motorcycles are so badass: Motorcyclist Suffers Instant Karma After Kicking Car in Fit of Road Rage

 

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Today's Funny Photos

How To Effectively Maximize Your Man Time

10 Futuristic Gadgets That Actually Exist Now

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"The future is now!" said every community college tech professor near your hometown. Seriously though, the future really is now in some ways, thanks to these ten futuristic gadgets that are either currently available or will be in the not-so-distant future.

Microsoft HoloLens
futuristic tech gadgets
All that stuff from the "Minority Report" we always wanted, you know, the holographic screens that jet out in front of us that we can tap like some kind of secret agent, scientific genius or superhero? Yeah, Microsoft has one of those, and it was just unveiled in January. HoloLens allows users to create and manipulate personalized holograms all with the use of goggles. Users can print their holograms using 3D printers and even transport themselves virtually via the HoloLens goggles. HoloLens will be available later this year after the Windows 10 release, and is expected to have a price tag below $500.

Copenhagen Wheel
futuristic tech gadgets
Superpedestrian invented a bike rear wheel that contains a cheery red, smartphone savvy, circular motor, essentially giving your bike a brain, turning it into a smart bike. The motor uses wireless connectivity to track your personal speed and style of riding, then clicks on to boost your speed to make riding faster and easier. Based on terrain, how hard you pedal and how often you brake, the smart controls connected to the pedals assist you in a whole new electric hybrid way. The wheel just had its trial run with more than a hundred satisfied users. For now, they will be shipping in spring at a higher $949 price, but could drop as low as $699.

Breathometer's Mint
futuristic tech gadgets
Say goodbye to morning breath! The lovely people at Breathometer who brought you the portable blood/alcohol level device for your safe driving convenience just came out with Mint, the portable fresh breath device for everyone else's convenience. Tired of people avoiding you for some strange reason you can't put your finger on? That's right, you just ate garlic knots after your third straight day of not brushing and your coworkers switched desk again. Mint is the little green tech wonder that provides fresh breath and hydration, which is directly related to your breath, and records data on your breath and hydration levels over time. Mint's anticipated release is summer 2015, to be priced just under $100.

Flexible Smartphone: Samsung Youm
futuristic tech gadgets
Bendable phones seem like something you might only find aboard an antigravity machine in outer space, but Samsung begs to differ with their invention of the Youm. More flexible than your yogi girlfriend - okay, not that flexible - the Youm is virtually indestructible, made from OLED (organic light-emitting iodide) and featuring the new Windows operating system. It's the first of its kind, but don't be surprised if there is a vast array to choose from soon, as Samsung has the OLED market cornered. The phone was unveiled at CES 2014 and is expected to be available in 2015 around the same time as the Windows 10.

Haier's Transparent, Eye-Controlled TV
futuristic tech gadgets
A high resolution screen you can see right through? And when it's on, you can change settings by moving your eyes? Say it ain't so. As far as innovation goes, this is a great solution to have a black box sitting awkwardly in your living room. But Haier's transparent screen makes leaving the TV off not such an odd thing. This is a hard one to wrap your head around as these screens get smaller and thinner, but now it can also be controlled by the user's eyes. With an OLED center, this unique prototype is reminiscent of Samsung's 14-inch transparent laptop and is expected for an upcoming release.

Solar Power Socket
futuristic tech gadgets
We'd all take solar panels for Christmas and say goodbye to ridiculous energy bills, but we're not holding our breath when solar technology is so expensive, that is, until this sweet little socket was birthed. Designed by Kyuho Song & Boa Oh, the socket is a charger that sticks to your window - preferably one facing the sun, if you want it to work - and charges your basic electronics . It takes five hours to charge but works for up to 10 hours, essentially working as a power socket for basic needs. Hey, it's no solar panel, but it's a start. Maybe you can even work away from your desk. They're not the only ones though, as Apple has been rumored to be coming out with solar chargers too, amongst other big innovations.

ChefJet Pro: 3D Food Printer
futuristic tech gadgets
Everybody talks about 3D printers like they're the next cloning devices, but it wasn't until someone mentioned the ChefJet Pro - the world's first certified, food preparing printer - that our ears perked up. Equipped to sculpt edible confections of all shapes and sizes, ChefJet has the ability to print recipes that include sugar, chocolate, watermelon and other kitchen goodies that basically make your grandma's baking obsolete. The ChefJet Pro is expected to be available the back half of 2015.

Ring
futuristic tech gadgets
Sure you have rings, but nothing like Ring, the silver circle that controls your entire life with just one gesture, from music and television controls to uploading photos and giving you the weather. Available now at $130 after receiving the Innovation Award at CES 2015, the ring is a wearable device that has the wearer gesture using the finger the ring is on to manipulate an action. For example, if you want the TV on, just point your ring finger at the TV and make the symbol for the "on" button. It's much easier to see than explain, so hop on over to the Logbar website for an impressive demonstration.

Zcan+
futuristic tech gadgets
It seems simple and practical enough that you wonder why you've never seen it before, but Zcan+ is the mouse with a built-in scanner. Just the same as your mouse lets highlights text or graphics on the screen, Zcan+ has a scanner button as well that enables the user to scan over any item on the screen and have immediately scanned, ready to send out or print. If 3-D printers are the future of printing, the Zcan+ seems like the future for the mouse, supporting nearly 200 languages. The software will be available in March 2015 for Mac users, starting at $159. A wireless version is ready for preorder as well.

PERSONAL ROBOT!
futuristic tech gadgets
How could we give you futuristic gadgets without your very own personal robot. Like some sick joke out of the movie "Her," Robotbase has created an interactive, personalized robot - both smart and stylish - that helps you stay on task, as well as keep you company on those cold, winter nights when you're super horny. Instead of hiring a stylist, assistant, security guard and cleaning lady, just get Personal Robot (whose name you can likely personalize yourself). She/he also plays music, makes video calls, tracks your sleep, keeps your appointments, dresses you better than your mom and works with other household devices. You can have it all for $995 too. Let's just hope she doesn't cry too much when you hit her. Too soon? Okay, let's just say you won't be sleeping with it, at least not until they fix the bugs .

 

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That Guy Is Still Recreating Female Tinder Pics And They're Still Glorious

10 Horrific Parasites That Will Make You Cringe, Cry, and Want to Die

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If you are nursing or pregnant, we advise you not to read further. Click off this page, go to YouTube, and watch kitten videos. The following content will immediately make you regret viewing it. May God have mercy on our souls.

*Editors Note: We aren't kidding you. Most of these images are pretty gross. So if you've recently had a meal or plan on having one soon, might we recommend you check out some funny photos until you're ready for this?*




1. Guinea Worm

How to Get It:
1. Drink terrible water containing water fleas infected with guinea worm larvae.
2. Wait a year.
3. Watch as your skin blisters (that's the female guinea worm trying to get out!)
4. Over the course of three weeks, the worm slowly wiggles out of the skin while you watch in horror.
5. Swallow a bullet.

2. Botfly

How to Get It:
1. Get a mosquito that has botfly eggs attached to its body to suck your blood.
2. Have the botfly larvae enter the mosquito hole.
3. Wait eight weeks for the larvae to develop underneath the skin.
4. Let the little guy burrow out of your skin while you contemplate suicide.
5. Do it.

3. Tapeworm

How to Get It:
1. Have some undercooked pork, beef or fish.
2. Get diarrhea.
3. Go to the doctor.
4. Have him pull out a 65 foot long tapeworm.
5. Never leave your house ever again.

4. Filariasis

How to Get It:
1. Get bit by a mosquito.
2. Wait a year.
3. Have your lymphatic system (controls fluid movement in body) invaded by worms.
4. Watch as your lower extremities thicken with edema.
5. Take a breather because it rarely affects the genitals.
6. Kick it old-school with Elephantiasis.

5. Ophiocordyceps

How to Get It:
1. Be an ant.
2. Eat a fungal spore of the genus Ophiocordyceps.
3. Start feeling funny as the fungus hijacks your nervous system and kills you.
4. Watch from heaven as the fungus grows out of the top of your head.
5. Wish you could warn your ant family that the fungus growing from your head will shoot fungal spores onto other ants.

6. Ascaris

How to Get It:
1. Accidentally ingest Ascaris eggs in soil or on leaves.
2. Have immature worms hatch in your stomach.
3. Remain ignorant of them while they mature into adult worms in your intestine.
4. If they go to your lungs, which they sometimes do, they may come out of your mouth and nose.
5. Receive a lifetime of therapy.

7. Naegleria fowleri (brain-eating amoeba)

How to Get It:
1. Go swimming in a warm freshwater pond (preferably the Southwest).
2. Swallow some water.
3. Let the little guys travel to your brain and begin chowing.
4. Let it develop into a fatal brain infection commonly known as Primary Amebic Meningoencephalitis.
5. After symptoms begin to show, say goodbye.

8. Candiru

How to Get It:
1. Go to the Amazon River and take a dip.
2. Pee in the water.
3. Unknowingly attract the Candiru via the smell of your urine.
4. Let it crawl up your urethra (scientific term: pee hole).
5. Feel pain as it latches onto your insides.
6. Get surgery to have it removed.

9. Loa Loa

How to Get It:
1. Travel to India.
2. Get bit by an infected deer fly.
3. Wait a few weeks.
4. Look in the mirror.
5. Have a heart attack.

10. Screw Worm Flies

How to Get It:
1. Hit up Jamaica for spring break.
2. Swat an innocuous fly that landed on your arm.
3. Wake up the next morning itchy.
4. Not realize 500 eggs have hatched into larvae.
5. Maggots are now eating your face.

 

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What Happens When You Spend a Night on Tinder as Serial Killer Aileen Wuornos

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It's been well documented that guys will go after just about any female with a pulse on dating sites if they believe there's a chance of sex. A few years ago we tried to see if unintelligence and racism was a deal breaker (Spoiler alert: It wasn't) but what about a convicted serial killer? I set up a profile for Aileen Wuornos, who you probably know from Charlize Theron's portrayal of her in the 2003 film "Monster." I used three of her pictures and a medley of quotes from Wuornos as the bio.







With just a few swipes, Aileen started getting flooded with matches. Some didn't respond or communicate at all and others didn't seem very interested in getting to know the person behind the murders:


A couple of them were just friendly and not very horny, so those conversations quickly fizzled out:


Even with all the talk about serial killers, this guy just would not stop talking about work:



I'm fairly certain this guy was looking for a potential partner for murders rather than a hookup:



This guy was so horny he was willing to watch a movie about a serial killer in order to get it on:



But finally, after kissing a bunch of toads, Aileen finally seemed to find her prince:





Unfortunately, I had been reading other messages and, in that free time, it looks like he did a search on her name or showed the picture to someone who recognized her, and the whole relationship fell apart:


I tried to diffuse the situation and calm him down, hoping the horniness would overcome his suspicions, but it was unsuccessful:


I didn't realize it was more illegal to impersonate someone depending on how many murders they committed. The best moment of all is when he revealed the one mistake that tipped him off:

It wasn't when she said she was a serial killer, mentioned the name of the hit movie about her life, the multiple quotes, referencing getting out of Florida, or the bar in Volusia County where she was arrested. The one mistake was stating the exact date and method of how she was executed. If he's a federal cop, no crime will ever be solved again.

In conclusion it looks like there may someday be a chance for an executed convicted murderer to find love, but sadly this just wasn't the night.

 

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You Have to See This Sexy Extended Victoria's Secret Ad

Man Adds Hilarious Reviews and Pairing Recommendations for Wine at His Local Liquor Store

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We don't believe that Jeff W. is a wine steward or anything, but it's clear that he must have some experience drinking wine to be able to write these ridiculous recommendations. This liquor store's sales will most certainly go up thanks to Jeff of Pleated Jeans, and there may be an increase in drunk goats in the neighborhood, as well.

funny wine reviews, wine recommendations, funny wine pairings
funny wine reviews, wine recommendations, funny wine pairings
funny wine reviews, wine recommendations, funny wine pairings
funny wine reviews, wine recommendations, funny wine pairings
funny wine reviews, wine recommendations, funny wine pairings
funny wine reviews, wine recommendations, funny wine pairings
funny wine reviews, wine recommendations, funny wine pairings

funny wine reviews, wine recommendations, funny wine pairings

via Tumblr

 

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10 Insane Cases That Prove People On Drugs Do Some Pretty Messed Up Stuff

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If you need a few reasons to stay as far away from drugs as possible, all of these horrible stories should pretty much do the trick. Some are a little graphic, so consider this your official warning before proceeding.

BATH SALTS: "Not for human consumption" is usually a trigger in the mind of an addict. It tells them that the product is indeed made for human consumption, and may even taste good. Bath salts are known to provide abusers with a gnarly high and vivid hallucinations. Here are a few other side effects, according to your local news.

Mustachioed Bath Salts Aficionado Breaks into Home and Puts Christmas Decorations Up

Terry Trent had a helping of bath salts one lonely October night in 2011 and, feeling a bit merry, he broke into a family home and adorned the it with Christmas decor. Armed with a pocket knife, he lit two candles and hung a wreath on the garage door.

The youngest in the family found Trent sitting on the living room couch, probably watching "The Santa Clause." He was subsequently arrested and forever reputed as "that guy who got high on bath salts and put up Christmas decorations."

Man High on Bath Salts Sodomizes and Murders Pygmy Goat

Neighbors suspected Mark Lucas Thompson of doing something to their beloved goat. The little critter had been missing for a while, but that was until they stumbled on Thompson and their dead pygmy goat in the same room.

Thompson was wearing women's underwear, tripping on bath salts, with a semi and a porno mag next to him. They eventually found out Thompson had corn-holed the animal and killed it.

He was incited on petit larceny and animal cruelty. It should be acknowledged that the West Virginia Poison Control Center received 171 calls concerning bath salts between January 2011 and May 2011.

Man Gets Caught Drinking Hand Sanitizer in Grocery Store

Employees at a Kroger in Louisville, KY saw Bahad Mahmoud rummaging through the antiseptics aisle in June 2011. The 28-year-old was chugging hand sanitizer by the bottle. When police were called to the scene they found him screaming in the parking lot.

After an officer tased him, Mahmoud spit in the man's face, which was presumably clean after drinking Germ-X. He was shit-housed on bath salts.


METH: Rock. Crystal. Biker's coffee. There are many names for it. One thing's for sure: It turns people into crusty psychopaths. While Jessie Pinkman personifies the cool and charismatic methhead, these people give methies a different image.

Couple Gets "Locked" in Closet for Two Days

Two lovebirds felt the fierce grip of meth in December of last year on the campus of Daytona State College. They believed something was following them, forcing them into a janitor's closet and locking them in. Amber Campbell and John Arwood spent two whimsical nights together in the closet.

Police found feces and meth paraphernalia in the tight space. The door wasn't even locked. Oh, young love.

Things Get Methy After Man Masturbates in Oregon Bar

Andrew Frey was feeling frisky one afternoon and busted out his genitals in a Salem, OR roadhouse. He began furiously masturbating. The owner banished him to the bathroom to finish the deed and police were called.

It took 15 officers to take him down. A taser didn't work, and Frey beat off (lulz) the police until he was subdued. Even though he had no recollection of the day's events, he was charged with public indecency, theft, and resisting arrest.

Okeechobee Man Attempts Exorcism on Son

"You are the demon, you are the demon. I know what I must do with you."

Those were the words of Bryan Adams (not to be confused with "Everything I Do, I Do It For You" Bryan Adams). He stole his son from his estranged wife's home at 3 a.m. in January 2014 and marched him to the woods to perform an exorcism on him ... baked on meth. The wife heard the commotion and called the police.

When they arrived, Adams exhibited meth muscles the likes of Thor could only dream of. He had to be punched in the face multiple times to be stopped. This, like the majority of abnormal drug stories, took place in Florida.


PCP: The pros? You bench a little bit more. The cons? You tend to strip naked and act a fool. There's are many reasons phenylcyclohexylpiperidine is called devil's dust, and here are three of them.

Man Walks Into Police Station and Drops Deuce After Lighting a Doobie

Carlen Higgs needed an officer's assistance at once! He walked into a Pennsylvania police department and demanded to speak to an officer. He then lit up a joint and casually waited.

The cops realized this wasn't your usual citizen's complaint and placed him in a holding cell. Higgs then unbuttoned his pants and took a dump on the floor. Ranting and raving, he picked up his poop and smeared it across the walls, perhaps doodling.

He was high on PCP and immediately charged with disorderly conduct, public drunkenness, weed possession, and possession of drug paraphernalia.

Homeless Dude Exhibits "Herculean Strength" After Breaking into Venice Beach Home

Anyone from Los Angeles knows it isn't uncommon to hear the hobo howl at eerie hours of the night in Venice. But one particular case from April 2014 stands out above the rest.

A bum broke into a woman's home by leaping through a narrow window, cutting himself in the process, and wreaked havoc in a bathroom. He tore off two pedestal sinks, which the officers said required "Herculean strength." They found him fighting with a shower curtain (that probably dissed him) and he spewed blood all over the premises.

It took six cops and EMTs to take him down. It took place at 4:30 in the morning, and the woman and her two children required therapy after suffering PTSD.

Man Accidentally Eats Son's Eyes, Accidentally
Angelo Mendoza, right, speaks with his attorney, deputy public defender, Richard Terry in court for an arraignment that was later delayed for one week, Tuesday June 16, 2009 in Bakersfield, Calif. Mendoza is charged with mayhem, torture and child cruelty after an April 28 attack on his son Angelo Mendoza Jr. The boy's left eye was bitten out and his right eye damaged and blinded. Police reports say Mendoza then hacked his own legs with an ax.(AP Photo/The Bakersfield Californian, Henry A. Barrios)
It was an "accident." Angelo Mendoza was hammered on PCP and lunged at his 4-year-old's eyeballs and clamped down. He then fled to his yard in a wheelchair and began cutting of his legs with a pickaxe.

"My daddy ate my eyes," the boy told police.

Mendoza was charged with a litany of offenses, including torture. Let this be a lesson - if you're going to do PCP, don't try to eat someone's eyes.


ECSTASY: They say it makes sex better. They say it makes Ke$ha better. They say you become a douchey club kid if you do too much.

Woman Films Sex Tape and Achieves Ungodly Fame

She claims she was "out of it," not knowing what she was doing while filming. In passionate throes of ecstasy with elderly boyfriend Rick Saloman, Paris Hilton went full night vision one night on the brink of her 20th birthday.

While no evidence suggests she was actually high on ecstasy during "1 Night in Paris," circumstantial evidence certainly doesn't suggest otherwise.

 

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Aylen Alvarez is the Queen of Backside Cleavage

Today's Funny Photos

10 Celebrities Who Died Broke

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It's easy to think that when you make it big, you're set for life. But the back alleys of Hollywood have plenty of stories about stars who pissed away everything and were put to rest penniless. Here are ten tales of celebs who died dirt broke.

Sammy Davis Jr.
celebs who died broke, sammy davis jr.
One of the most magnetic men to ever grace the stage, Sammy was the Rat Pack's secret weapon. After coming to stardom as a child actor, Davis saw his career take off on stage with the Will Mastin Trio. It wasn't long before he became one of the hottest acts in Vegas. His career declined in the '70s, but Sammy's profligate spending didn't slow down a notch. When he passed away from throat cancer in 1990, he owed $15 million to various creditors, including $7 million to the IRS. His estate had to sell off everything, including the rights to Sammy's name and image, to pay them off. (Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

Corey Haim
celebs who died broke, corey haim
Canadian actor Corey Haim started performing at age 10 and stardom quickly followed, bringing with it a host of problems. By 15, he had a serious drug habit and was falling out of favor, and in the '90s his career wound up in the direct-to-video gutter. Haim tried to make comebacks multiple times, most notably as half of a reality TV show with Corey Feldman, but by the end of his life he was sharing a month-to-month rental in the outskirts of Burbank with his mother. In 2010, he was found dead from an accidental overdose without a penny to his name. (Photo credit: Michael Buckner/Getty Images)

Veronica Lake
celebs who died broke, veronica lake
One of the most striking stars of the noir era, Veronica Lake's trademark over-the-eye hairstyle and piercing blue eyes made her a 1940s sex symbol. Unfortunately for Lake, her star burned brightly and then faded fast, and by 1951 her and her husband had filed for bankruptcy. In the '60s, she moved to New York City and worked as a bartender before penning her memoirs and making a "comeback" in the shlocky Nazi horror flick "Flesh Feast." Lake died in a Vermont hospital in 1973 of complications from her life of heavy drinking. (Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

Bobby Driscoll
celebs who died broke, bobby driscoll
Here's another one from the child actor ranks. Bobby Driscoll was one of Disney's biggest stars in the 1940s, featuring in "Song of the South" and "Treasure Island," as well as voicing Peter Pan in the 1953 animated movie. But when he entered his teens, horrible acne led Disney to cut him loose from his contract and he spent the next few years slumming it on TV. He also developed a drug habit, which would plague him for the rest of his life. In 1965, he moved to New York and fell in with Andy Warhol's crowd, but ran out of money and became homeless. A group of kids found his corpse in a deserted Lower East Side tenement in 1968. (Photo credit: RKO Radio Pictures/Getty Images)

Bela Lugosi
celebs who died broke, bela lugosi
One of the most iconic horror actors of all time, Lugosi's performance as Count Dracula in the 1931 film of the same name established the vampire in the collective unconscious. After coming to America on a merchant ship, Lugosi began acting on the stage. When he made the transition to the screen, his heavy accent limited his roles, and his star declined into the '40s as he battled morphine addiction. When he died, he was living virtually penniless, kept alive by the financial largesse of hack movie director Ed Wood, who cast him in legendary flop "Plan 9 From Outer Space." (Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

George Best
celebs who died broke, george best
When you think about the greats of UK soccer, George Best should be at the top of the list. The Irish winger was famous for his ball control and ability to flummox defenders, but Best was the worst at responsible living. He famously said, "I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars - the rest I just squandered." After retiring at the age of 37, Best spent most of his time in pubs drinking heavily. When he had a liver transplant in 2002, the British National Heath Service paid it for. He passed away in 2005 from multiple organ failure without a penny of his soccer earnings. (Photo credit: Douglas Miller/Keystone/Getty Images)

Anita Ekberg
celebs who died broke, anita ekberg
After winning the title of Miss Sweden in 1951, the pulchritudinous Anita Ekberg carved out a Hollywood career playing sexpots and posing for pin-up magazines throughout the decade. As her looks faded with age, she sank into retirement, only appearing in a few films after the '70s. In 2011, her villa was burglarized and badly burned in a fire, leading to a flurry of tabloid headlines that reported the iconic actress was living in poverty. Her dog knocked her off her feet and she broke a hip, putting her in a wheelchair for the rest of her life. She died in January 2015 in a hospital in Rome, a mere shadow of her former self without any money to her name. (Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

Gary Coleman
celebs who died broke, gary coleman
The pint-sized star pulled in a reported $100,000 per episode of "Diff'rent Strokes," but his unscrupulous parents made off with that cash, and once the show was over Coleman had no regular paycheck. He successfully sued his parents for $1.3 million and won in 1993, but by 1999 he was forced to file for bankruptcy. In his later life, Gary worked as a mall security guard and struggled with medical issues relayed to his size. When he passed away in 2010 after falling down a flight of stairs, his estate was virtually nonexistent with the exception of his model railroad trains. (Photo credit: Kevin Winter/Getty Images)

Judy Garland
celebs who died broke, judy garland
Best known as Dorothy in "The Wizard of Oz," Judy Garland had an astonishingly successful career on stage and screen for over 40 years. Frank Sinatra called her "the greatest entertainer that ever lived," so you know she was legit. Unfortunately for Garland, her insecurity led her to a lifelong struggle with drugs and booze, and four divorces didn't help keep money in her pocket either. When she passed away at the age of 47, she owed over $4 million to a variety of creditors, and her estate couldn't even pay for a funeral plot. (Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

Joe Louis
celebs who died broke, joe louis
Considered by many to be the greatest boxer to ever live, the "Brown Bomber" had a championship reign that lasted a staggering 140 consecutive months, and he was one of the first African-Americans to truly become a national hero. Unfortunately for Louis, money management was not his strong suit, and his managers and accountants took advantage of that. After he retired, the IRS determined that he owed them half a million dollars. Even though he had many famous friends who helped keep him afloat, Louis' estate wasn't worth a plugged nickel when he passed on in 1981. (Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons)

 

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20 Photos and GIFs That Prove Cats Aren't the Only A-hole Animals

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If you frequent Mandatory, you're well aware that we subscribe to the notion that cats are a-holes. However, it dawned on us that perhaps such a broad generalization could be offensive to cat lovers. After all, it's not like other animals don't have their jerk days. So in the spirit of fairness, we rounded up a collection of the funniest photos and GIFs of dogs, birds and even whales blowing off a little steam at man's expense. The results were, of course, equally hilarious. (h/t AnimalsBeingJerks)

animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes

animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals are a-holes, gorilla flipping off girl
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes
animals being a-holes


But let us never forget, cats are still the BIGGEST assholes...

animals being a-holes

 

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Ranking the 24 Sexiest Bond Girls of the 007 Franchise

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Ever since we were kids, all we've ever wanted was our very own Bond girl. Well, it never happened, but you can still enjoy our unquestionable rankings of all the main Bond girls since the birth of the James Bond franchise, from the ladies who seduced Sean Connery back in the '60s to the sexy women who have to settle for Daniel Craig.

24. Jill St. John was the main Bond girl, Tiffany Case, in "Diamonds Are Forever" opposite Sean Connery in 1971.
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23. Carey Lowell played the Bond girl Pam Bouvier in "License to Kill" in 1989 opposite Timothy Dalton.
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22. Daniela Bianchi was Tatiana Romanova, the Bond girl in "From Russia With Love" in 1963 opposite Sean Connery.
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21. Diana Rigg was Tracy Draco, the Bond girl in "On Her Majesty's Secret Service" in 1969 opposite George Lazenby's sole role as James Bond.
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20. Lois Chiles was the Bond girl Holly Goodhead -- really? -- in "Moonraker" in 1979 opposite Roger Moore.
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19. Eva Green was the Bond girl Vesper Lynd in Daniel Craig's first Bond film "Casino Royale" in 2006.
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18. Carole Bouquet was Melina Havelock, the Bond girl in 1981's "For Your Eyes Only" opposite Roger Moore.
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17. Akiko Wakabayashi was Aki, the Bond girl opposite Sean Connery in "You Only Live Twice" back in 1967.
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16. Olga Kurylenko was the Bond girl, Camille, in "Quantum of Solace" opposite Daniel Craig in 2008.
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15. Izabella Scorupco was Natalya Simonova, the Bond girl across Pierce Brosnan in "Goldeneye" in 1995. She was the sexy character we all wanted to hook up with in the "Goldeneye" video game on Nintendo 64.
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14. Maryam d'Abo was Kara Milovy, the Bond girl in 1987's "The Living Daylights" opposite Timothy Dalton.
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13. Honor Blackman played the role of Pussy Galore opposite Sean Connery in "Goldfinger" in 1964.
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12. Maud Adams was the Bond girl Andrea Anders in 1974's "The Man With the Golden Gun," starring opposite Roger Moore, and Shirley Eaton played the sexy golden girl who gets murdered. Maud reappeared again as Octopussy across from Roger Moore for "Octopussy" in 1983. How did they get away with these names?
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11. Monica Bellucci will be the Bond girl in the upcoming 24th Bond film, "Spectre," one of the biggest movies set to release in late 2015, opposite Daniel Craig. She will be the oldest Bond girl ever cast, and she'll be playing the role of Lucia Sciarra.
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10. Ursula Andress was Honey Ryder, the very first Bond girl in 1962's "Dr. No" opposite Sean Connery, and then reappeared in 1967 for the first "Casino Royale" in David Niven's sole Bond role.
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9. Jane Seymour was the Bond girl, Solitaire, in "Live and Let Die" opposite Roger Moore in 1973.
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8. Bérénice Marlohe was a Bond girl anti-heroine, Sévérine, in "Skyfall" in 2012 opposite Daniel Craig.
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7. Halle Berry was the beautiful Bond girl, Jinx, in "Die Another Day" in 2002 across from Pierce Brosnan. Rosamund Pike was another big name in the film, playing an MI6 agent who also sleeps with Bond.
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6. Claudine Auger was Domino Derval, the Bond girl opposite Sean Connery in "Thunderball" in 1965.
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5. Tanya Roberts was Stacey Sutton, the Bond girl in "A View to a Kill" in 1985 opposite Roger Moore.
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4. Barbara Bach was the Bond girl Anya Amasova in "The Spy Who Loved Me" opposite Roger Moore in 1977.
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3. Teri Hatcher played Paris Carver, the Bond girl in "Tomorrow Never Dies" in 1997 opposite Pierce Brosnan.
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2. Denise Richards was Christmas Jones, the Bond girl in "The World Is Not Enough" in 1999 opposite Pierce Brosnan.
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1. Kim Basinger is our top Bond girl, starring as Domino Petachi in "Never Say Never Again" in 1983 opposite Sean Connery.
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High School Teachers Who Had Sex With Students Also Gave Them Cocaine

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los angeles high school sex scandal
Los Angeles is full of actors and musicians who party hard all the time. Apparently the city's teachers like to tear it up like rock stars, too.

Two Corona Valley High School teachers, Melody Lippert, 38 (right), and Michelle Ghirelli, 30 (left), made the news in January for taking their high school students on a wild, aclohol-fueled sex trip to the beach.

Now the teachers are being charged with providing cocaine to minors.

That all adds up to some pretty hefty legalese in terms of the final charges: both teachers are being hit with felony charges of unlawful sexual intercourse and furnishing a controlled substance to a minor. Ghirelli, clearly wanting to step up her game, threw in an extra count of oral copulation of a minor for fun.

It's not completely clear what exactly happened at this beach party (which I'm sure is partly due to all of the alcohol, cocaine and sex), but the Orange County District Attorney is trying to piece it all together. Apparently Lippert kicked things off with a group text to Ghirelli and the five students. It was all going to be under the guide of a weekend "camping trip."

Once the party started, "camping" quickly turned into "drinking alcohol, doing cocaine, getting blow jobs from your teachers and having sex with your teachers." Ghirelli is getting hit with charges of having sex with a teenager and giving him a blow job. Lippert was just around to "facilitate" all the sex. But don't worry, apparently Lippert had a solo beach excursion with a group of students back in November, where she herself slept with one of her pupils.

God I miss high school.

MORE: Do Hot Teachers Get Less Prison Time Based On Their Looks?

Via Gawker, KTLA

 

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Going to a Bar in College vs. Going to a Bar in Your 30s

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When you're first able to legally drink, you feel like a whole new world has just opened up. The only drinks you really know are the ones you've seen in movies or saw relatives drink, so you end up ordering a lot of drinks you'll never make the mistake of trying again. Even the bars you choose in college are different than the ones you'll prefer in a decade. Here's what going to a bar in college looks like compared to going to a bar in your 30s.

going to a bar in college vs going to a bar in your 30s

 

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Ohio Man Arrested After Commenting on His Own Facebook 'Wanted' Post

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When you're being sought on multiple warrants ranging from burglary to abduction and you're only 21 years old, odds are your life could easily be summed up as a collection of poor choices.

But according to Huffington Post, Andrew Dale Marcum's latest poor decision just might be his worst yet.

The Butler County Sheriff's Office made Marcum their "featured warrant of the week" on their Facebook page yesterday, and it took less than 24 hours to apprehend him thanks to the help of some local tipsters.

The most helpful tipster? You guessed it: Andrew Dale Marcum.

Dale Marcum arrested after responding to his own wanted post on Facebook
"I ain't tripping half of them don't even know me," Marcum commented.

Well, the half that did know Marcum led to his downfall, and police later thanked them for their help in apprehending Marcum.

"Andrew Dale Marcum will be off Facebook temporarily, because there is no social media access in the Butler County Jail," the sheriff's office said in another post. "He's turned himself in. Thanks to our Facebook and Twitter friends for helping turn up the heat."

County Sheriff Richard K. Jones then added insult to injury by dropping this sweet tweet referencing Marcum's mug shot:
Burn.

Taunting police with pictures of you holding drugs is also a terrible idea: Florida Man Arrested After Bragging About Selling Drugs on Facebook

 

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Vagina Selfies Made Easy Thanks to This Vibrator With a Camera

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This "Sex Selfie Stick" is either going to be the greatest invention of all time, or the exact opposite of Viagra.

According to Happy Place, the folks at SVAKOM have really outdone themselves this time, as their latest invention allows women to send selfies of their nether regions to their loved ones while pleasuring themselves at the same time.

With four inches of insertable length and a tad over three inches of girth, the Gaga USB Rechargeable Camera Intimate View Endoscope Vibrator just might be the best gift for both of you, as it will bring her endless pleasure while giving you a front row seat to the action and making you feel huge at the same time.


According to SVAKOM's website, the vibrator and camera combo will set you back roughly $180. But thanks to the vibrator being "completely rigid," you'll take comfort in knowing your purchase is going to make her happy on a regular basis.

And thanks to it being "completely waterproof," you'll take comfort in knowing she won't wreck your gift the first time she uses it.

Vibrators can apparently also be weapons: New Mexico Woman Arrested for Beating Her Mom With a Vibrator

 

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