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Trio of Missouri Idiots Stole Family's Urn Because They Thought It Held Cocaine

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Even when he's ground into a fine white powder, rarely will grandpa get you high.

According to The Smoking Gun, three Missouri teenagers are in serious trouble after breaking into a St. Peters residence and making off with money, jewelry, electronics, prescription drugs and a wooden urn box they thought was hiding the homeowner's stash of blow.

Missouri trio steals urn thinking it contained cocaine
Police said 17-year-old Devin Gesell confessed to the crime, saying he was the lookout while the other two younger thieves did the hard part. The three of them drove off with $825 in cash and other items worth over $2,000.

During the teens' getaway, one of them decided to taste what he thought was a sweet haul of cocaine and quickly realized it was something else. Unfortunately for the homeowner, the perps threw the remains of his father out the window of the getaway car, which I guess if you're looking at things with a "glass half-full" mentality, is better than him getting snorted by the thieves.

This clown thought his wife stealing his nose candy actually classified as an emergency: Ohio Man Called 911 Because He Thought His Wife Stole HIs Cocaine

 

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Mysterious Ghost Child Photobombs Family's River Picture

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Australia seems like an absolutely lovely country, and I for one wouldn't mind vacationing there. But if I ever do go, I'm staying the hell away from the Lockyer River in Queensland.

Last week, a woman named Kim Davison posted this photo below to a ghost hunter's Facebook page. The photo is reportedly of her, her friend Jessie Lu and three children swimming in a spot called Murphy's Hole. That would be five people total. However, when the photo was processed, they noticed a sixth person hanging out in the water behind them:

ghost child australia, demon child murphy's hole, ghost lockyer river, ghost baby photobomb
Kim is the lady in the sunglasses holding her daughter. As you can see, to the left of her head is a ghostly-looking figure that is possibly sporting horns. This has led to further speculation that Davison and her group were swimming with a demon.

demon ghost child australia, ghost photobomb family
To make matters even scarier, Davison claims that her daughter felt something grab her leg twice while in the water, and Kim herself said it felt like something was behind her when she exited the river for the day.

As if this all wasn't spooky enough, researchers found out that this "demon" could in fact be the ghost of a young child. That's because in 1915, a 13-year-old girl named Doreen O'Sullivan drowned in the exact same spot. Here is newspaper clipping from the The Brisbane Courier about the tragedy:

doreen o'sullivan death, ghost child in australia river
Predictably, the Facebook commenters range from strong believers in this being a spirit, ghost or demon in the river to complete skeptics of the whole thing. Some claim they see multiple spiritual entities in the water (like a face by the feet of the girl on the right), while others think people are just seeing what they want to see or making stuff up.

Either way, I'll be staying away from Murphy's Hole forever.

h/t The Daily What

 

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Today's Funny Photos

10 Parents Who Are Way Better At Texting Than Their Kids

The Funniest GIFs of the Week

The Greatest Quotes From Your Favorite 'Dazed and Confused' Characters

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Richard Linklater is still being celebrated for his groundbreaking film "Boyhood," but looking back you'll realize that he's been breaking ground from the start. In 1993, two years after his first theatrical release and independent darling "Slacker," he found mainstream success with "Dazed and Confused," a rollicking joyride of a comedy about Texas teens celebrating the end of the school year through a haze of weed, beer, and well, hazing. So much more complex than just a simple stoner movie, what is amazing about "D&C" is how deftly its novice filmmaker managed to juggle such a large ensemble cast, leaving all the young characters' storylines with a complete arc. Part of that came from the script's sharp dialogue, and here we remember the best quotes from the kids and some of the adults shaping their journey along the way.

dazed and confused quotes, greatest dazed and confused quotes
More: The Greatest Quotes From Your Favorite 'Seinfeld' Characters

 

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Melanie Clarke is a Slam Dunk Hottie

Another Baby Hilariously Ruins Parents' Attempt At Loving Photo Shoot

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You would think parents would have learned their lesson about attempting to take a beautiful and loving photo with their babies by now. Not too long ago, this father learned his lesson the hard way. Apparently these two young parents didn't see get a chance to see it.

As you'll see, if you'd like to take a nice photo with your newborn, it's best to make sure they are at least wearing a diaper. For the last time, babies do not like photo shoots and they will take revenge on you the only way they know how.


via Reddit

 

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What Your Facebook Timeline Will Probably Look Like After The Apocalypse

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The only way you're ever going to escape Facebook is if the Earth tries to purge itself of humanity. With our luck, even after that happens Facebook will still be alive and well. But what would your timeline look like in a crumbling society with no structure or order? Unfortunately, probably not as different as you'd imagine, just the annoying posts have shifted to different topics. It would probably look a little something like this.

Facebook after the Apocalypse

 

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Naked California Man Goes on Rampage, Dives Headfirst Through Minivan Window

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Now here's something you don't see every day.

According to the Los Angeles Times, a 21-year-old naked Riverside man both impressed and scared the everloving crap out of some Anaheim residents Tuesday night when dove headfirst into the back of a Mazda minivan, jumped onto a woman's windshield while she tried to drive away, got thrown from that vehicle and then jumped to his feet and ran away.

Luckily for all of us, a surveillance camera captured the whole thing. Grab your popcorn.


Police eventually captured Garrett Smith after a brief scuffle roughly a mile away from the parking lot where the rampage took place. They are unsure if Smith was "drunk or high on drugs," but by the looks of things, we'll say that odds are he was on some pretty hard shit.

Here's a guy who thought his accident was so damn hot that he just had to get out of his ride and punch his clown: Drunk Man Crashes Into Restaurant Then Gets Out and Masturbates

 

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Ohio 'Serial Pooper' Has Defecated on 19 Cars

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Look, I'm not a fan of the Kia Optima either, but this is ridiculous.

According to UPI, a man who was recently photographed dropping a deuce on a car in Akron is believed to be the same guy who has done it on at least 18 other cars in the area dating back to 2012.

Ohio serial pooper has pooped on 19 cars
The "serial pooper" was notorious for striking between 5:30 a.m. and 6:30 a.m. in the city's Castle Homes neighborhood. But thanks to a time lapse camera that was set up by a neighbor who was "fed up with repeatedly cleaning human waste off his vehicle," his reign of terror might soon be coming to an end.

The "bowel movement bandit" apparently doesn't seek out a specific brand of vehicle to crap on, but one local resident says that he finds a random parked car and takes a dump on the hood every time.

Police said that if the "mystery dumper" is apprehended, he'll likely just be charged with criminal mischief, which means there must be no laws on the books in Akron for not properly wiping.

​The dude must be loading up on broccoli and leafy greens: Foods That Make You Poop

 

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Spring Break Bro Slips While Trying to Jump in Pool, Kicks Girl in Face Instead

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Remember when your mom told you there was absolutely no running by the pool?

She wasn't kidding around.

Spring Break bro slips near pool and takes out crowd
No word on which Spring Break locale this video came from, and based on how hard that guy's dome hit the ground when he slipped, odds are he doesn't know where he is either. And I think it's safe to say that he has absolutely no shot with the either of the girls he probably concussed.

(via Barstool Sports)

Look how much fun they are having on St. Pete Beach: Florida Cop Takes Down Two Spring Break Idiots Resisting Arrest (NSFW Language)

 

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Aussie Model Natasha Holzmann is What Dreams Are Made Of

President Barack Obama Reads Mean Tweets On Jimmy Kimmel Live

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There were a lot of people in Hollywood upset with President Obama yesterday after his entourage wrecked their afternoon commute, but hey, it's not like it's a walk in the park when he isn't in town.

Obama had many important matters to tend to during his brief Los Angeles trip, but perhaps nothing was more paramount than stopping by the El Capitan Theatre to read several "Mean Tweets" for his good pal Jimmy Kimmel.



We're pretty sure the dude who was complaining about a 30-pack of Coors Light being so expensive will be thrilled to know that a cube of the Silver Bullet is currently on sale for $21.99 at Shop Rite, but it was still a hysterical tweet nonetheless.

There was no way Obama was going to utter the words "auto-tuned queef," but Ariana Grande sure did: Jimmy Kimmel's 'Mean Tweets' Are Back For A Second Music Edition

 

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Today's Funny Photos


10 Brilliant Ideas We Wish We'd Thought of First

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We like to think we're pretty smart here at Mandatory. But just because we think something doesn't mean it's true. We certainly aren't much competition for all of the geniuses responsible for all of the images below. Forget your Albert Einsteins and your Stephen Hawkings...these are the real brilliant minds walking amongst us.

(h/t Pleated Jeans)










 

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11 Hilarious Incidents of Public Sex Gone Wrong

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Public sex is always a spectacle to behold. It seems everyone comes out of the woodwork to catch the action. While it's not cool to be a voyeur, it's totally cool to be one on the Internet. Here are some of the best stories having to do with doing it in public.

1. Senior Lovebirds Make Sweet, Sweet Coitus in Car

Two young whippersnappers Linda Titus, 72, and Gary Wells, 62, were spotted aggressively cuddling in the backseat of their car in 2013. The couple, apparently high on Cialis, were belly-bumping outside of a barbecue joint in Sonora, California. Police cited them for indecent exposure, but they should've gotten an award.

2. Three Elderly Men Caught Having Sex in England Park (Wearing Tennis Skirts)

"Out in front of us, the path opened up and three elderly men, in their 70s to 80s, were dressed in female clothing, namely tennis skirts, and they were engaging in sexual activity."

A man and his three children aged three to seven stumbled upon three elderly men wearing tennis skirts having hot old man sex in England last Thursday. Desborough Island is a notorious hookup destination for freaky singles looking to bury the weasel.

The man took his traumatized children back to his car where he found a handwritten note and a URL to a gay dating website. When they drove away they spotted another elderly man walking butt-naked along the road.

3. Estonian Couple Caught Shampooing the Wookie on Bridge

I'll admit I have no idea where or what Estonia is. That's a nice bridge, though.

A passerby snapped a photo of a couple taming the strange. A bottle of booze can be seen in the photo. Oh, the whimsy of youthful romance.

4. Love in the Air at "Florida's Friendliest Retirement Hometown"

Police found Ann Klemm, 68, and her youthful flame David Bobilya, 49, buckwilding in public last June. Her vagina and breasts were exposed, while his pants were around his ankles.

According to police they were "on the stage in the middle of the square having sexual intercourse."

Kelley, who obviously anyone would want as a grandmother, was arrested two months previously drunk driving with a golf cart.

5. Cop Wets His Willy

As you can see, a New Mexico police offer slipped the whip through the zip and began pounding a perp on the hood of a car. Also visible in the picture is a dog - maybe a chihuahua - watching the spectacle unfold. It is unclear whether the woman succeeded in getting a free pass on a ticket.

6. Affair Betwixt Coworkers Caught on Tape and Sent Around the World

In late January, the entire clientele at a pub in New Zealand spotted two coworkers shagging in a building across the street. One patron said, "The band that was playing at the time stopped because everyone else was more interested in watching them ... We all had a good laugh. It was the highlight of the night," speaking in a Kiwi accent I wish I had.

They posted video and photographs on Twitter and Facebook and from there, it went viral. The man had a wife and two kids and the woman had recently become single. She has since taken down her Facebook.

7. Sexiest Couple of the Year Caught Doinking in Front of Church

Police arrested Page Pais and Reginald Janey for lewd acts, indecent exposure, and public drunkenness in July 2014. Both 52 and fabulous, they were totally nude, administering gland-to-gland combat in full view of passing motorists.

8. Man Caught Dunking His Donut Behind Dunkin' Donuts Dumpster

Yes, I only picked this because I wanted to write that headline. Last year on St. Patrick's Day, a viral story arose about two University of Delaware students doing the hibbety-dibbety in broad daylight. Police sought two young people dressed in green, according to Uproxx, which obviously produced no leads.

9. Also in Delaware, Man and Woman Caught Rogering on Chipotle Roof

Michael Suh and Nicole Germack knew they were being watched. When police arrived and demanded they stop at once, Nicole looked straight at the officer, acknowledging him, and continued buffing the banana. Good egg.

10. Man and Woman Slap Sloppies at "50 Shades of Grey" Event

Last week TMZ reported two "50 Shades of Grey" fans smashing pissers at an event in Las Vegas. She lifted her leg above her head, indicating coital commencement. Video shows them running to the exit just as a woman enters.

11. Coolest Couple in Universe Gets Caught by Google Street Car

In South Australia, a man and a woman posed for Google mid-frigging. The woman is waving and the man is drinking a beer. If it were me, I would die happily knowing I pulled the perfect prank. Google has indeed censored the original image, but the uncensored version can be seen here.

Respect.

 

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10 Big Questions 'The Walking Dead' Needs to Address By the Season Finale

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walking dead season 5, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
Heading into the finale of the fifth season, "The Walking Dead" is picking up speed with better plot lines, talks of an end and a bit of mystery at their new home. With lots of changes ahead for Rick and his resilient troops, there is still a number of big questions looming, some which may come to light soon. What do you think will happen between now and the end of AMC's gritty, blood-soaked biter story? (WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD)

1. How did it all start?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
The showrunners are constantly steering the ship in different directions with only a few steps backwards into the past for individual characters - nothing like "Lost" - but when will they address how it all began? Will they address it at all? The show began with Rick lying in a hospital bed, but not much before that. It's possible that one of the key characters had something to do with it. Maybe it needs its own season (or prequel), or perhaps the zombie outbreak backstory has been so overdone that the creators aren't worried about how it started but more worried about how it finishes, which bring us to the next burning question...

2. How might it all end?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
The show went more than four seasons based solely on the struggle to survive without so much as a peep as to how it might resolve itself. With the creation and quick collapse of the exciting possibility that a cure might reside in Washington, the group has already moved onto Alexandria, briefly giving up on their quest for a cure. Returning to simple survival, despite the dwindling supplies, the group will steer away from an end to get cozy in Alexandria, but how long will that last? Are the answers in Virginia or Washington DC, or should they just get to making more babies to help their odds of survival by numbers?

3. Does the next Big Bad come out of Alexandria?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
We're hoping Alexandria isn't just a repeating of old storylines (Woodbury, Terminus) and turns out to be something worse than imaginable. In fact, we're hoping a lot will unfold and expedite an ending in some fashion, as Alexandria feels like it may hold a different purpose for our survivors, thirsty for some sort of resolution however it appears. But don't let the congresswoman in charge, Deanna Monroe, throw you for a loop. Someone is watching the interviews she's recording. What looks like a safe utopia is possibly a clever trap by the next Big Bad to lure and remove any competition for survival. One of the Big Bads from the comic series is rumored to be making an appearance soon. The final three episodes of the season are titled "Spend," "Try" and "Conquer," so do with those progressively more aggressive words what you will.

4. Is Rick slowly becoming the Governor?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
It's no secret Rick is protective of his family, but has he been on his guard for so long and so intensely that he can't see a good thing when it presents itself? This is how it went for the Governor, protecting the people he loved before leading a group of people into a suburban community and losing his mind. Alexandria appears to be a safe haven, but his paranoia is either going to save the group from the next disaster or become counterproductive to their survival. We saw a glimpse of him losing his mind once, hallucinating and wandering into the woods after ghosts, and if his overprotective instincts meet that kind of madness, it could spell trouble for our recently shaved sheriff.

5. How does Morgan Jones play into the plot?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
We met Morgan Jones early on in the series in a suburban neighborhood, walled up in a house with his boy, then again in season three when Rick found him in a town full of traps he had set, slowly losing his mind from the loss of his son and wife. We got a nice surprise from Morgan heading to Terminus, only to take note that it was a dud destination, and then again at the church earlier in season five, where he finds the note to Rick allowing him to stay hot on their trail. Will Morgan help the group out of a jam in some way, or will he be a liability when he catches up to the group? We think he might be part of the solution, as he was better equipped for survival before he got sick in the head.

6. Why are there so many references to time?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
When there is a zombie apocalypse, you'd think the last thing on anybody's mind is the time, yet recent episodes have continually hinted to the time (Rick winding his watch, the smashed clock in the street, the bedroom clock where Tyreese was bitten). Is it a foreshadowing that time is of the essence for our band of biter beaters? Or is this simply a display of how much things have changed for them, possibly still clinging onto some shred of normalcy by wearing watches.

7. Are the several references to wolves hinting at the group's next obstacle ahead?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
Between the last few episodes, we have seen multiple references - Carl's comic book "Wolf Fight," the spray painted brick wall "wolves not far," the "W" carved in a walker's forehead - some easier to see than others, hinting to two possible scenarios. The first would be vicious, rabid beasts. Are they zombie pups? Are they house-trained? We saw the group fend off a group of stray, hungry dogs with an odd amount of precision and ease, but with their guard down in their new neighborhood, maybe they won't come out the victor so easily. Scenario two could be referring to a group of people that might be hunting the group called The Wolves, or perhaps The Whisperers. There are clues for both. We'll see who brings the heat to Rick's doorstep soon enough.

8. What is Carol up to?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
Carol went from abused wife to survivalist to child murderer and now she seems to be dressed for a new role: well-to-do suburban woman. She cleaned up, dressed up and played nice (even talking nicely about her dead, battering husband), but more than likely Carol is doing reconnaissance for the group, offering up her big gun with a big smile. She's been a loose cannon since she put down those two little girls and since Beth passed so don't be surprised if she's satisfied to take one for the team in Alexandria.

9. Is Glenn and Maggie's relationship long for this zombie world?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
Every story, however brutal, has a love relationship component. For better or worse, that's Glenn and Maggie, long time cast members, aside from Abraham Ford's red hair getting some strange, but will they both make it to the end? We think Carl is kept on the show to maintain Rick's sanity and point towards a bright future of a younger generation so perhaps his love story is just beginning in Alexandria with his new lady friend, but the Glenn-Maggie relationship feels worn out and needs to be flipped on its head. With the recent loss of Beth, Maggie is a bit fragile and Glenn might be thrown into the fire because of it. Love conquers all, except zombies. It doesn't conquer zombies.

10. Will there be a badass, inner-circle lady squabble between Michonne and Sasha?
walking dead, the walking dead photos, walking dead questions
Not since the showdown of Rick and Shane in season two have we seen an inner circle squabble to the death, but this time it could be way hotter. We saw the hostility between hardcore survivalist Michonne and an emotionally vulnerable Sasha after the loss of Tyreese. Those vibes don't just go away, but it's possible the lack of water, relentless heat and general lack of direction for the group was culminating into bad blood amongst the ladies. With Michonne seeming to settle into life at Alexandria and Sasha becoming more untethered, serious conflict between the two female badasses of the group could be ahead. Nothing is better in a story than betrayal from your trusted allies that leads to a fight, but hopefully they'll at least kiss at some point.

 

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Comic Book Character Showdown: Marvel vs. DC on the Big and Small Screen

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Pitting similar characters from different properties against each other and deciding who is better is always a fun exercise, so we've decided to do it again. This time we're focusing on the characters of Marvel and DC comics. However, since that has been done to death, we will not simply be deciding which comic book character is better, but focusing solely on their most recent depiction in film and television instead. In that way, we'll determine which brand is currently kicking the most ass when it comes to their iconic characters. Let the games begin...again.

Iron Man vs. Batman
character showdown marvel dc, iron man batman
What better place to start than Marvel and DC's biggest solo superhero properties? Not only do Iron Man and Batman make bank whenever a new film is released, but they are also strikingly similar characters. Both are billionaires bankrolling their own personal quest to eradicate the world of evil one bad guy at a time as the result of a traumatic event. However, the biggest thing separating the two franchises is the actors behind the masks. Even though Christian Bale made a fine Bruce Wayne for three films, we highly doubt anyone regards him as the definitive person to play the character like they do with Robert Downey, Jr. as Tony Stark. Now that Bale has been replaced by Ben Affleck, this is especially true. While Batman may be just about the coolest superhero of all time, as far as the cinematic universe is concerned, he's got a little catching up to do.

Verdict: Iron Man

Captain America vs. Superman
character showdown marvel dc, captain america superman
Your classic case of super soldier versus super man, this would be no contest whatsoever if "Captain America: The Winter Soldier" hadn't come out last year. Cap's first outing was one of the more cheesy Marvel films in their newly constructed cinematic universe, and since Chris Evans had already played the Human Torch in the "Fantastic Four" films, no one was willing to take him seriously as a more straightforward and uptight hero. However, the sequel righted all the wrongs of its predecessor and then some, and it was in large part due to Evans' performance. He took an otherwise boring, by-the-books character and gave him the heart he needed to make us actually grow quite fond of him. Meanwhile, "Man of Steel" starred Henry Cavill as Superman, and much like the case with Captain America, we're hoping his next effort will bode much better in terms of giving the character some added depth. Until then, stars and stripes forever.

Verdict: Captain America

Bucky/The Winter Soldier vs. Robin
character showdown marvel dc, bucky winter soldier robin
We're not intentionally making this list so one-sided, but moving on from Batman and Captain America to their respective sidekicks just makes logical sense. That said, it's very unfortunate that a character as relatively unknown as the Winter Soldier is leaps and bounds more interesting on film than any iteration of the Boy Wonder has been to date. We know that Joseph Gordon-Levitt didn't technically play the Dick Grayson version of Robin in "The Dark Knight Rises," but we'd still put him up against Sebastian Stan before Chris O'Donnell any day of the week. Sadly, it's still not even close to being a fair fight.

Verdict: Bucky/The Winter Soldier

Green Goblin vs. The Joker
character showdown marvel dc, green goblin joker
Sometimes it takes a villain to even the playing field. It really doesn't matter who you put up against Heath Ledger's brilliant take as Batman's arch-nemesis The Joker, they are going to lose. The Green Goblin of "The Amazing Spider-Man 2" wasn't nearly as menacing as he needed to be, especially since the movie went the Harry Osborn route rather than his much more maniacal father Norman (played by Chris Cooper). We're not saying a new approach immediately means it won't work, but Harry's transformation is so forced that it doesn't even feel warranted, especially since he spends half the film as Peter Parker's friend before turning on him rather abruptly due to a flimsy plot point involving needing Spider-Man's blood. Actor Dane DeHaan certainly looked the part for the climactic final battle scene, but he ultimately wasn't able to do much with the character, especially since he was splitting screen time with two other villains.

Verdict: The Joker

Gwen Stacy vs. Lois Lane
character showdown marvel dc, gwen stacy lois lane
Say what you will about "The Amazing Spider-Man 2" as a film, but Andrew Garfield and Emma Stone had such great chemistry that it made Gwen Stacy so much more than your typical damsel-in-distress. And while Amy Adams pulled it off as Lois Lane in "Man of Steel," she didn't bring anything more to the role than a dozen other actresses could have. With Gwen, the character was going to be hit or miss, as not that many people are even aware of who she is outside of comic book fans. With Lois, all you really have to do is show up and not tank, and people will still be rooting for you because you're one half of arguably the most famous romance in comic books. At the end of the day, Gwen simply possessed much more personality than Lois, so her character's journey felt more earned because of it.

Verdict: Gwen Stacy

Ant-Man vs. The Atom
character showdown marvel dc, ant-man atom
We're jumping the gun a little bit here, as we've yet to see Marvel's "Ant-Man" in full form or The Atom officially debut on TV's "Arrow." Will we let that stop us from rushing to judgment? Of course not. Both Marvel and DC have released images of what each character will look like fully suited up, and surprisingly Brandon Routh looks much more dynamic as The Atom than Paul Rudd does as Ant-Man. Considering the production value of a Marvel film versus a DC television series, this should not be the case. Both Routh and Rudd are terrific actors, and we know for a fact that Routh has killed it so far as Ray Palmer on "Arrow" (pre-suit). Be that as it may, we can really only make the call on suit alone at this point, and it's a no-brainer.

Verdict: The Atom

Star-Lord vs. Green Lantern
character showdown marvel dc, star-lord green lantern
Of all the Marvel films to come out so far, "Guardians of the Galaxy" was the biggest gamble because its success fell on funnyman Chris Pratt. To put it bluntly, prior to playing Star-Lord, Pratt was mostly, um...a chubby TV actor. On the other side of the coin, "Green Lantern" had everything going for it from a recognizable and physically fit lead actor in the form of Ryan Reynolds to being one of the more famous DC properties in their superhero lineup. From that description, it would obviously take either a massive failure on the part of "Green Lantern" or an unexpected success story from "GotG" to turn the tables. Against all odds, we actually got both, with Pratt delivering a performance fit for a sequel and Reynolds ushering his film to non-canonical land, as his version of Green Lantern will play no further role in DC's cinematic universe.

Verdict: Star-Lord

Deadpool vs. Deathstroke
character showdown marvel dc, deadpool, deathstroke
It's just not Ryan Reynolds' day. In fact, we'd be hard-pressed to think of a single comic book role he has played to date that actually resonated with audiences. While we are certainly holding out hope for his newest take on the Deadpool character when the solo film hits theaters next February, so far we've only seen him play the role in the laughable "X-Men Origins: Wolverine." For a superhero that many consider Reynolds to be the perfect voice for, he certainly brought nothing special to the table in this abomination, which was so bad that "X-Men: Days of Future Past" had to virtually erase it from continuity. Great, now we've spent so much time talking about how badly Deadpool was portrayed that we don't even have room to get into how badass Deathstroke has been on "Arrow" (Hint: enough for a much needed W in the DC column).

Verdict: Deathstroke

Hawkeye vs. Green Arrow
character showdown marvel dc, hawkeye green arrow
Even though the most recent season of "Arrow" has been largely hit and miss due to forced romances and a backstory that seems to be running dry, but we've still gotten more of a grasp on who Oliver Queen is than we ever did with Clint Barton in "The Avengers." Sure, it's practically a case of apples versus oranges considering Green Arrow is the star of his own series and Hawkeye was delegated to the role of mindless zombie for most of his biggest screen outing, but even Jeremy Renner himself admitted that his character was not someone he would have agreed to play had he known how bland the role would become. For now, this is a pretty cut and dry case of a character we have barely gotten to know versus one who has sustained a successful television series for three seasons and counting, but we're guessing the fight will become a bit more fair with this summer's "Avengers: Age of Ultron."

Verdict: Green Arrow

Quicksilver vs. The Flashcharacter showdown marvel dc, quicksilver flash
Speaking of "Avengers: Age of Ultron," since it's not out yet, we can only gauge our vote on actor Evan Peters' portrayal as Quicksilver in "X-Men: Days of Future Past" (Aaron Taylor-Johnson will play Quicksilver in "AoU," as a legal loophole allows both films use of the character). Keeping that in mind, this is still as close of a decision as the two characters engaging in an actual footrace would be. The CW series "The Flash" possesses the comic book charm and silliness it needs to keep its otherwise unbelievable premise and lead character fun and interesting while not being overly cheesy. That's a pretty impressive feat. However, the "Time in a Bottle" scene in "DoFP" is so well done it practically overshadowed the entire movie, which was already pretty spectacular anyways. Close as it may be, how could we not give the win to a relatively unknown character whose first ever appearance on the big screen took the world by storm?

Verdict: Quicksilver

Final tally: Marvel 6 - DC 4

As many probably suspected, the general lack in both quantity and quality in the DC cinematic universe of late has caused them to be of minimal threat to Marvel's current string of massive hits. However, their unique ability to turn some of their slightly less popular comic book properties into successful TV series keeps them hanging on.

 

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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets

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Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.


Follow @robfee on Twitter.


More funny tweets can be found right here.

 

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