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Today's Funny Photos
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We've Just Found The New Worst Tinder Pickup Attempt Of All Time
Let's start with that first line: it's terrible. And it all goes downhill from there. The punchline is pretty graphic and gross, the statistical data he presents seems patently false and the accusatory tone at the end seals the deal. This is definitely the worst pickup line of all time.
![funny bad pickup lines]()
Via Memewhore
Via Memewhore
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This Is The Most Brilliant Way To Get Away With Drinking In Public
Drinking out on the street in public in the middle of the day is typically frowned upon. And it's ruining our lives, isn't it?! Well, you know what isn't frowned upon? Caring lovingly for a small, sweet, innocent child. If you follow these simple steps, you'll be able to get wrecked all day everyday and the only reactions you'll get from people are "Awwwwwwww!"
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(via Eat Liver)
(via Eat Liver)
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The 12 Manliest Last Words From Men As They Faced Death
Your final words are your last legacy upon mankind. Have you thought about what you're going to say? These men did, and the effects were profound. Lend your eyes and ears and take a cue from these badass last utterances.
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Context: The social reformer and clergyman who championed women's suffrage, abolition, and temperance died of a stroke on March 6, 1887. The night before drifting off into oblivion, he uttered these final words.
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Context: On April 18, 1882, Charles Darwin had a severe heart attack in the middle of the night. He was recently diagnosed with coronary thrombosis and knew it was coming to an end. Recognizing his imminent death, he awoke and stated to his son, "I am not the least afraid to die." The great naturalist died in England, and the ballsiness of such a final statement is something we can all aspire to.
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Context: On April 15, 1912, bandleader Wallace Hartley and a few musicians attempted to quell Titanic passengers' horror. Until the very last moments of the ship sinking, the band kept playing. As the waves crashed on his bandmates and death swiftly came, he called out to his friends, "Gentlemen, I bid you farewell." He was found two weeks later floating in the icy Atlantic fully dressed with his violin case strapped to his body. A newspaper reported that Hartley's act "will rank among the noblest in the annals of heroism at sea."
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Context: During the Salem Witch Trials, courts would impose awful torture techniques to get those accused to plea. One witch by the name of Giles Corey refused. He died of pressing, an old colonial trick to get people to talk, which involved placing large rocks and boulders on top of a board that lay on top of the body, systemically crushing people to death.
Knowing he wouldn't be offered a fair trial, Corey simply requested more weight. As his eyes bulged and his tongue protruded from his face, he continued screaming, "More weight," right up until his last breath. He was 71.
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Context: Nostradamus suffered pangs of gout that made much of his final years unbearable. The famous French seer spent his life predicting future occurrences, and his last one rang unequivocally true. On July 1 1566, he told his secretary that he wouldn't be alive the next day. An alternative quote is, "You will not find me alive at sunrise." The next morning she found him dead on the floor next to his bed.
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Context: A theoretical physicist whose life is glittered with scientific accomplishments had surgery on two rare forms of cancer. It didn't save him. Moments before death, he acknowledged the mundane nature of death. He was 69.
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Context: He was a convicted murderer facing execution in 1995 for the killing of two women. While not exactly manly, one could agree his last words expressed zero fear of death.
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Context: "No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitch. No fun - for anybody. 67. You're getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax - this won't hurt." Thompson always knew he'd stare death in the eyes and take his own life. He told his friend 25 years previously that "he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment."
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Context: Joe Hill was an Swedish labor activist who played a substantial role in the Industrial Workers of the World labor union in the early 20th century. A thorn the side of the establishment, he was accused of murder (based on dubious evidence) and sentenced to death by firing squad. When the deputy shouted, "Ready ... Aim ..." Hill interjected, "Fire!" He died on November 19, 1915 at 36.
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Context: "And don't make a mess of it," Morant yelled in the face of a firing squad, exemplifying true badassery in its purest form. He was a military commander during the Second Boer War in Africa, and he was accused of war crimes under still-disputed circumstances. After his death in 1902, Morant remains an Australian folk legend for his wartime heroics.
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Context: So punny it's not even funny. American criminal James French was supposed to live out a life sentence after murdering a man who picked him up hitchhiking. He didn't want to commit suicide, so he killed his cellmate in order to be executed. As he sat on the electric chair, he offered a bit of advice to the press.
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Context: Quattrocchi was an Italian security officer who was taken hostage by Islamic militants in 2004. They filmed him and told him to dig his own grave and kneel beside it. But Quattrocchi remained defiant till the bitter end. He pulled off his hood and shouted, "I'll show you how an Italian dies!" They shot him in the back of the neck, and the video was never released because it was too gruesome.
Context: The social reformer and clergyman who championed women's suffrage, abolition, and temperance died of a stroke on March 6, 1887. The night before drifting off into oblivion, he uttered these final words.
Context: On April 18, 1882, Charles Darwin had a severe heart attack in the middle of the night. He was recently diagnosed with coronary thrombosis and knew it was coming to an end. Recognizing his imminent death, he awoke and stated to his son, "I am not the least afraid to die." The great naturalist died in England, and the ballsiness of such a final statement is something we can all aspire to.
Context: On April 15, 1912, bandleader Wallace Hartley and a few musicians attempted to quell Titanic passengers' horror. Until the very last moments of the ship sinking, the band kept playing. As the waves crashed on his bandmates and death swiftly came, he called out to his friends, "Gentlemen, I bid you farewell." He was found two weeks later floating in the icy Atlantic fully dressed with his violin case strapped to his body. A newspaper reported that Hartley's act "will rank among the noblest in the annals of heroism at sea."
Context: During the Salem Witch Trials, courts would impose awful torture techniques to get those accused to plea. One witch by the name of Giles Corey refused. He died of pressing, an old colonial trick to get people to talk, which involved placing large rocks and boulders on top of a board that lay on top of the body, systemically crushing people to death.
Knowing he wouldn't be offered a fair trial, Corey simply requested more weight. As his eyes bulged and his tongue protruded from his face, he continued screaming, "More weight," right up until his last breath. He was 71.
Context: Nostradamus suffered pangs of gout that made much of his final years unbearable. The famous French seer spent his life predicting future occurrences, and his last one rang unequivocally true. On July 1 1566, he told his secretary that he wouldn't be alive the next day. An alternative quote is, "You will not find me alive at sunrise." The next morning she found him dead on the floor next to his bed.
Context: A theoretical physicist whose life is glittered with scientific accomplishments had surgery on two rare forms of cancer. It didn't save him. Moments before death, he acknowledged the mundane nature of death. He was 69.
Context: He was a convicted murderer facing execution in 1995 for the killing of two women. While not exactly manly, one could agree his last words expressed zero fear of death.
Context: "No more games. No more bombs. No more walking. No more swimming. 67. That is 17 years past 50. 17 more than I needed or wanted. Boring. I am always bitch. No fun - for anybody. 67. You're getting greedy. Act your old age. Relax - this won't hurt." Thompson always knew he'd stare death in the eyes and take his own life. He told his friend 25 years previously that "he would feel real trapped if he didn't know that he could commit suicide at any moment."
Context: Joe Hill was an Swedish labor activist who played a substantial role in the Industrial Workers of the World labor union in the early 20th century. A thorn the side of the establishment, he was accused of murder (based on dubious evidence) and sentenced to death by firing squad. When the deputy shouted, "Ready ... Aim ..." Hill interjected, "Fire!" He died on November 19, 1915 at 36.
Context: "And don't make a mess of it," Morant yelled in the face of a firing squad, exemplifying true badassery in its purest form. He was a military commander during the Second Boer War in Africa, and he was accused of war crimes under still-disputed circumstances. After his death in 1902, Morant remains an Australian folk legend for his wartime heroics.
Context: So punny it's not even funny. American criminal James French was supposed to live out a life sentence after murdering a man who picked him up hitchhiking. He didn't want to commit suicide, so he killed his cellmate in order to be executed. As he sat on the electric chair, he offered a bit of advice to the press.
Context: Quattrocchi was an Italian security officer who was taken hostage by Islamic militants in 2004. They filmed him and told him to dig his own grave and kneel beside it. But Quattrocchi remained defiant till the bitter end. He pulled off his hood and shouted, "I'll show you how an Italian dies!" They shot him in the back of the neck, and the video was never released because it was too gruesome.
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The Funniest GIFs of the Week
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Dog Pukes At Perfect Time, Results In Best Selfie Ever
I don't think there's much more to say about this glorious photo other than what I've already stated in the headline. So let's all just bask in the glow of this perfect moment captured on film.
![dog throwing up selfie]()
Via Reddit
Via Reddit
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This Playboy Bunny Got Her Boyfriend a Threesome for His Birthday
I nearly wrecked my drawers when my wife got me an Amazon Fire TV Stick for my birthday, so I can't even fathom what this guy was going through after receiving his "gift."
According to Mirror, a 25-year-old Chilean Playboy model didn't know what to get her boyfriend for his birthday, so naturally, she asked a female friend to come over and help her give him an unforgettable night of "passion."
![Daniella Chavez, Daniella Chavez birthday threesome]()
Daniella Chavez said she spent two days in shopping malls looking for the perfect birthday gift for her boyfriend, but she couldn't find anything that she thought would satisfy him. So, she asked one of her female friends for help, and she recommended giving him a "night of passion, a trio with another girl."
![Daniella Chavez, Daniella Chavez birthday threesome]()
![Daniella Chavez threesome with boyfriend for his birthday]()
Chavez said she had never been with another woman, but she was intrigued and asked her friend to come over for dinner and drinks. And then--like most of the movies you would find on the Playboy Channel--things got "hot."
"He was surprised that she came to our dinner, but even more surprised when me and my female friend started kissing and getting naked," Chavez said. "I can only say it was fantastic and worth doing it again."
No word on if the dude is thinking about doing the same thing for her birthday.
This is also very hot:
![Naked Rosie Huntington-Whiteley Sizzles in Sexy Shoot]()
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According to Mirror, a 25-year-old Chilean Playboy model didn't know what to get her boyfriend for his birthday, so naturally, she asked a female friend to come over and help her give him an unforgettable night of "passion."
Daniella Chavez said she spent two days in shopping malls looking for the perfect birthday gift for her boyfriend, but she couldn't find anything that she thought would satisfy him. So, she asked one of her female friends for help, and she recommended giving him a "night of passion, a trio with another girl."
Chavez said she had never been with another woman, but she was intrigued and asked her friend to come over for dinner and drinks. And then--like most of the movies you would find on the Playboy Channel--things got "hot."
"He was surprised that she came to our dinner, but even more surprised when me and my female friend started kissing and getting naked," Chavez said. "I can only say it was fantastic and worth doing it again."
No word on if the dude is thinking about doing the same thing for her birthday.
This is also very hot:
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Kid Barfs in Portland Bookstore Then Sends Amazing Apology Letter
Well done, kid. You had us at "Attention Barf Cleaners."
According to Elite Daily, some poor kid named Jack walked into Powell's Books last month and may or may not have purchased a book, but he for sure left the staff "10 to 12 feet" worth of puke to clean up.
Realizing how god awful it must have been to clean up his massive puddle of barf, the kid did his best to totally redeem himself by sending the store an apology letter and a Ben & Jerry's gift card. Of course, it was so damn cute that it went viral.
Let's be honest: If this isn't the children's equivalent to a Pulitzer Prize-winning publication, I don't know what is. Here's another view of the complete letter with text below:
![barf apology letter, attention barf cleaners]()
This Ben and Jerry's card is for the people who cleaned up the throwup of a kid on Friday the 28th. I don't know their names but I thank them alot and I'm sorry again for throwing up and hope you enjoy your ice cream.
From,
Jack, aka the kid that puked right next to the bathroom
Hopefully, it wasn't Ben & Jerry's ice cream that made this kid hurl, as then it would be considered a sick joke instead of the cutest apology letter of all time.
More good stuff:
![11 People Who Had One Job]()
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According to Elite Daily, some poor kid named Jack walked into Powell's Books last month and may or may not have purchased a book, but he for sure left the staff "10 to 12 feet" worth of puke to clean up.
Realizing how god awful it must have been to clean up his massive puddle of barf, the kid did his best to totally redeem himself by sending the store an apology letter and a Ben & Jerry's gift card. Of course, it was so damn cute that it went viral.
My friend Jen manages the @Powells Home/Garden store & she got this in the mail today!!! "Attention Barf Cleaners"... pic.twitter.com/LRvC3D2XuG
- Liz Crain (@foodloverPDX) April 1, 2015
Let's be honest: If this isn't the children's equivalent to a Pulitzer Prize-winning publication, I don't know what is. Here's another view of the complete letter with text below:
This Ben and Jerry's card is for the people who cleaned up the throwup of a kid on Friday the 28th. I don't know their names but I thank them alot and I'm sorry again for throwing up and hope you enjoy your ice cream.
From,
Jack, aka the kid that puked right next to the bathroom
Hopefully, it wasn't Ben & Jerry's ice cream that made this kid hurl, as then it would be considered a sick joke instead of the cutest apology letter of all time.
More good stuff:
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Survey Says People Who Eat Grilled Cheese Have More Sex
Well, then let's start feeding our kids something else.
According to the Los Angeles Times, the social networking site Skout recently conducted a survey among 4,600 users, and it appears as though people who eat grilled cheese are having more sex than those who don't.
![grilled cheese might equal more sex]()
32 percent of people who said they loved the sandwich also said they were getting it on at least six times a month. Meanwhile, only 27 percent of those who dislike grilled cheese sandwiches said they were bumping uglies that often.
The survey also revealed that 73 percent of those who love grilled cheese are having sex at least once a month while only 63 percent of those who hate the sandwich are banging that often.
Finally, the survey said 81 percent of those who enjoy themselves a grilled cheese sandwich from time to time also said they donate time, money or food to those in need, and 84 percent of them love to travel and are adventurous.
Basically, if you don't like grilled cheese, odds are you're a miserable person.
If your wife is miserable, tell her that you found a cure: Women Who Perform Oral Sex are Happier, Study Suggests
According to the Los Angeles Times, the social networking site Skout recently conducted a survey among 4,600 users, and it appears as though people who eat grilled cheese are having more sex than those who don't.
32 percent of people who said they loved the sandwich also said they were getting it on at least six times a month. Meanwhile, only 27 percent of those who dislike grilled cheese sandwiches said they were bumping uglies that often.
The survey also revealed that 73 percent of those who love grilled cheese are having sex at least once a month while only 63 percent of those who hate the sandwich are banging that often.
Finally, the survey said 81 percent of those who enjoy themselves a grilled cheese sandwich from time to time also said they donate time, money or food to those in need, and 84 percent of them love to travel and are adventurous.
Basically, if you don't like grilled cheese, odds are you're a miserable person.
If your wife is miserable, tell her that you found a cure: Women Who Perform Oral Sex are Happier, Study Suggests
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10 Years After 'Into The Blue' and Jessica Alba Still Stuns in the Water
Do you realize the movie "Into The Blue" came out in 2005? If you've seen the film, then you've definitely seen Jessica Alba swimming underwater, and it was a sight to behold. Sure, she went on to star in other films--"Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer" and "Sin City" among others--and even started her own business, The Honest Company, but we'll always remember her best for getting wet. Here she is looking great in a bikini, and no, this isn't from 10 years ago. It's from a few days ago. Keep in mind this woman has two kids! Whatever she's doing, it's working. Check out Jessica Alba and her rocking bikini bod.
![jessica alba]()
![jessica alba]()
![jessica alba]()
![jessica alba]()
![jessica alba]()
via Izismile
via Izismile
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Watch This Drunk California Woman Walk Across the Freeway After Her Car Stalls
Her car is stalled in the middle lane of a freeway where people are going 70 MPH. She's attempting to walk across that same freeway in high heels. Cars and trucks are swerving and narrowly missing both her vehicle and Good Samaritans who are risking their lives in an effort to alert approaching traffic of what's going on.
But the number one concern for this drunk young lady? You guessed it: Why on earth somebody would be videotaping her.
According to KGTV, an intoxicated young woman not only put her life in jeopardy early Thursday morning but also the lives of innocent bystanders and fellow commuters when she stopped her car in the middle of a section of Interstate 15 near San Diego and didn't even bother to throw the hazards on.
Luckily for us and the prosecution, the majority of the incident was recorded by a KGTV photojournalist.
No word on how much those high heels cost, but they'll probably be the last pair of nice shoes she'll be able to afford for quite some time.
It's a tad funnier when a drunk person is being electrocuted because of his own doing: Watch This Drunk Dude Pass Out on an Electric Fence (NSFW Language)
But the number one concern for this drunk young lady? You guessed it: Why on earth somebody would be videotaping her.
According to KGTV, an intoxicated young woman not only put her life in jeopardy early Thursday morning but also the lives of innocent bystanders and fellow commuters when she stopped her car in the middle of a section of Interstate 15 near San Diego and didn't even bother to throw the hazards on.
Luckily for us and the prosecution, the majority of the incident was recorded by a KGTV photojournalist.
No word on how much those high heels cost, but they'll probably be the last pair of nice shoes she'll be able to afford for quite some time.
It's a tad funnier when a drunk person is being electrocuted because of his own doing: Watch This Drunk Dude Pass Out on an Electric Fence (NSFW Language)
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One of the Best Catches You Will Ever See
It's usually hard to find the upside when your team loses its first three games of the season to the reigning American League champion Kansas City Royals.
But thanks to center fielder Adam Eaton's amazing catch Thursday afternoon during the series finale at Kauffman Stadium, White Sox fans will have something to talk about other than how dreadful their team is again this year.
Not even announcer Hawk Harrelson's annoying call of the play can take away just how awesome Eaton's grab was. I mean, "You have got to be bleeping me"? That's awful.
Unfortunately, the rest of the game was beyond brutal for White Sox fans, as their beloved team fell to the Royals 4-1. For as titillating as that catch was, Eaton's performance at the plate was pretty much the exact opposite, as he went 0-for-4 and saw his average dip to .083.
But hey, it's early.
Here's a throw that should create a little movement below the belt: Probably the Best Throw You Will Ever See
But thanks to center fielder Adam Eaton's amazing catch Thursday afternoon during the series finale at Kauffman Stadium, White Sox fans will have something to talk about other than how dreadful their team is again this year.
Not even announcer Hawk Harrelson's annoying call of the play can take away just how awesome Eaton's grab was. I mean, "You have got to be bleeping me"? That's awful.
Unfortunately, the rest of the game was beyond brutal for White Sox fans, as their beloved team fell to the Royals 4-1. For as titillating as that catch was, Eaton's performance at the plate was pretty much the exact opposite, as he went 0-for-4 and saw his average dip to .083.
But hey, it's early.
Here's a throw that should create a little movement below the belt: Probably the Best Throw You Will Ever See
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10 Canceled TV Show Cliffhangers That Left Their Fans Feeling Frustrated
It's bad enough when your favorite showed has a terrible finale that leaves a bad taste in your mouth. How about the shows that left you hanging when they were canceled? Check out ten of the most frustrating unresolved TV cliffhangers left behind by shows that got the ax.
Twin Peaks
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, twin peaks]()
In 1991, "Twin Peaks" ended after its second season with Agent Cooper being possessed by Killer Bob, then quickly closed out. Fans were outraged that the show dropped such an awkward unexpected bomb without any clear explanation. However, there is still hope that the eerie police drama can be resurrected with David Lynch and Mark Frost at the helm 25 years later, most likely in hopes of resurrecting this cliffhanger. Some say the ending was open to interpretation, while others say it's plain crap.
FlashForward
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, flashforward]()
The postmortem "Lost" letdown that everyone tried to get hooked on after we said goodbye to Jack, Kate and the gang failed to deliver despite having part of the "Lost" cast. Already having trouble in sustaining its audience before it was let go after a single season, its finale was already in the can before the show was canceled. The creators laid out a blueprint for a five-season run and put a lot of energy into setting up the later seasons without doing a good enough job to keep the show going that long. Characters with invested storylines and new storylines, which had no context to them, accumulated to bring on one of the worst cliffhanger finales in TV history.
Deadwood
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, deadwood]()
Trixie shoots George. George survives, wants to shoot Trixie. Johnny shoots a prostitute, hopes to make it look like Trixie. George leaves town. A stranger shows up and kills another guy. The end. That's the summary of the finale of "Deadwood," a show most people regarded as a great show until its sloppy finale with many looming questions. Though it was said to be written as a series finale, nobody can believe it after only a three-season run with so many loose ends untied.
My Name Is Earl
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, my name is earl]()
We never found out who the father was of Joy's (played by Jaime Pressly) child. The show ended its fourth season with a "to be continued," which never actually continued. That's pretty much it. This finale sucked. Couldn't they have just tweeted the results to us?
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, the sarah connor chronicles]()
What started as a great TV potential counterpart to the "Terminator" film series quickly lost ground before bottoming out at the end of its second season. The show ended with John Connor jumping into the future where nobody knows him and essentially killed the TV franchise with too many unexplained questions. Didn't they end up making a movie about this? Does anyone care? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?
Southland
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, southland]()
The one thing you cannot do is end a show with someone's life on the line. The cop drama, starring Ben McKenzie and Michael Cudlitz quit rolling after season five, leaving a huge question unanswered for longtime fans about the uncertain future of the pill-popping Cudlitz. If you were hoping for a spoiler warning, consider yourself lucky as no man should have to witness a show without a little forewarning for its lack of resolve.
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, lois and clark tv show]()
The Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher-led Superman series ended with Lois and Clark discovering a baby, ultimately leading to the question, "Whose fucking baby is that?" The plot point itself actually led nowhere as the series concluded right then after four seasons. The former writers came out and said the baby was to be revealed as Kryptonian royalty who would grow up at an alarming rate and develop super powers before leaving Lois and Clark to return to save his people. The show was canceled before any of that anti-comic book storyline could be told, most likely because of a premature wedding proposal from the Man of Steel. If you ask us, it's a blessing in disguise for Superman fans that the cord was pulled.
Mork & Mindy
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, mork and mindy]()
In the quirky Robin Williams alien-centric series finale, Williams' character is exposed to the world as an alien shortly after Mindy's home is desecrated by an evil alien. The show ended in 1982 with Mork and Mindy stuck in a vortex, floating off into space with the last line, "Whatever happens, we'll have each other." But what about us?!
ALF
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, ALF]()
The little furball from Melmac always had a hunch the government was after him. In 1989, "ALF" had one of the worst series finale endings when ALF himself was actually taken into custody by the government, leaving people with zero resolution as to whether or not he would be OK in the end.
Pushing Daisies
![canceled tv show cliffhangers, pushing daisies]()
Here's a real kick in the nuts: The adorable supernatural baker who started off strong in her first season got an immediate order for a 22-episode second season, but when ratings dropped, the show was turned off and its second season squashed. This left looming story landmines all over its finale, and the studio heads offered some sort of compensation by suggesting a comic book or movie to help wrap up the story, neither of which are even remote possibilities now.
Twin Peaks
In 1991, "Twin Peaks" ended after its second season with Agent Cooper being possessed by Killer Bob, then quickly closed out. Fans were outraged that the show dropped such an awkward unexpected bomb without any clear explanation. However, there is still hope that the eerie police drama can be resurrected with David Lynch and Mark Frost at the helm 25 years later, most likely in hopes of resurrecting this cliffhanger. Some say the ending was open to interpretation, while others say it's plain crap.
FlashForward
The postmortem "Lost" letdown that everyone tried to get hooked on after we said goodbye to Jack, Kate and the gang failed to deliver despite having part of the "Lost" cast. Already having trouble in sustaining its audience before it was let go after a single season, its finale was already in the can before the show was canceled. The creators laid out a blueprint for a five-season run and put a lot of energy into setting up the later seasons without doing a good enough job to keep the show going that long. Characters with invested storylines and new storylines, which had no context to them, accumulated to bring on one of the worst cliffhanger finales in TV history.
Deadwood
Trixie shoots George. George survives, wants to shoot Trixie. Johnny shoots a prostitute, hopes to make it look like Trixie. George leaves town. A stranger shows up and kills another guy. The end. That's the summary of the finale of "Deadwood," a show most people regarded as a great show until its sloppy finale with many looming questions. Though it was said to be written as a series finale, nobody can believe it after only a three-season run with so many loose ends untied.
My Name Is Earl
We never found out who the father was of Joy's (played by Jaime Pressly) child. The show ended its fourth season with a "to be continued," which never actually continued. That's pretty much it. This finale sucked. Couldn't they have just tweeted the results to us?
Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles
What started as a great TV potential counterpart to the "Terminator" film series quickly lost ground before bottoming out at the end of its second season. The show ended with John Connor jumping into the future where nobody knows him and essentially killed the TV franchise with too many unexplained questions. Didn't they end up making a movie about this? Does anyone care? Are there any horse socks? Is anybody listening to me?
Southland
The one thing you cannot do is end a show with someone's life on the line. The cop drama, starring Ben McKenzie and Michael Cudlitz quit rolling after season five, leaving a huge question unanswered for longtime fans about the uncertain future of the pill-popping Cudlitz. If you were hoping for a spoiler warning, consider yourself lucky as no man should have to witness a show without a little forewarning for its lack of resolve.
Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman
The Dean Cain and Teri Hatcher-led Superman series ended with Lois and Clark discovering a baby, ultimately leading to the question, "Whose fucking baby is that?" The plot point itself actually led nowhere as the series concluded right then after four seasons. The former writers came out and said the baby was to be revealed as Kryptonian royalty who would grow up at an alarming rate and develop super powers before leaving Lois and Clark to return to save his people. The show was canceled before any of that anti-comic book storyline could be told, most likely because of a premature wedding proposal from the Man of Steel. If you ask us, it's a blessing in disguise for Superman fans that the cord was pulled.
Mork & Mindy
In the quirky Robin Williams alien-centric series finale, Williams' character is exposed to the world as an alien shortly after Mindy's home is desecrated by an evil alien. The show ended in 1982 with Mork and Mindy stuck in a vortex, floating off into space with the last line, "Whatever happens, we'll have each other." But what about us?!
ALF
The little furball from Melmac always had a hunch the government was after him. In 1989, "ALF" had one of the worst series finale endings when ALF himself was actually taken into custody by the government, leaving people with zero resolution as to whether or not he would be OK in the end.
Pushing Daisies
Here's a real kick in the nuts: The adorable supernatural baker who started off strong in her first season got an immediate order for a 22-episode second season, but when ratings dropped, the show was turned off and its second season squashed. This left looming story landmines all over its finale, and the studio heads offered some sort of compensation by suggesting a comic book or movie to help wrap up the story, neither of which are even remote possibilities now.
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Today's Funny Photos
Ain't no funny photos like Friday funny photos because Friday funny photos don't stop. Except after the last photo. But there are plenty of other links all over the place, so quit your complaining and get to LOLzing. See you on the other side of the weekend.
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Click here for more funny photos.
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Click here for more funny photos.
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The 10 Most Bizarre Beauty Treatments
Vanity, thy name is woman. Over the years, the fairer sex has tried some pretty insane things to keep themselves looking foxy, but the ten beauty treatments in this article really push the envelope. Here's a tip, ladies: If you're smearing blood all over your face, we're going to be too terrified to ask you out. Please don't try any of these treatments at home. (And that goes for you, too, pretty boys.)
Fire Facials
There comes a time when even the most appearance-obsessed person needs to take a step back from the salon. "Huo liao," or "fire facials," should be that line in the sand that nobody crosses. The technique, which (as you might guess from the name) is catching on in China, involves soaking a thin towel or washcloth in alcohol and other chemicals, laying it across skin on the face or other part of the body, and then setting it aflame. Proponents believe that it helps invigorate and revitalize skin cells, as well as battling colds and flu, but open flame and human bodies typically aren't good neighbors. (Photo via YouTube)
Carbon Dioxide Injections
The days of beauticians working on just the outside of the skin are long gone. With the advent of Botox, collagen and other injectable treatments, lots of work is done at the point of a needle. One of the weirdest injection treatments we've ever heard of is "carboxytherapy," which involves filling a needle with carbon dioxide gas (you know, the same stuff you breathe out) and poking it under the skin. Allegedly, this stimulates blood flow, melts cellulite and kills fat cells, but the FDA has obviously never approved these claims. (Photo credit: Cosmetic Clinic)
Snake Massages
The health benefits of massages are well known, but human hands can only do so much work before they cramp. The alternative, though, is too disturbing to mention. Keepers at the Cebu City Zoo in the Philippines have found a way to make a little extra cash by offering massages from a team of four Burmese pythons. The snakes, which weigh in at a total of over 550 pounds, slither on top of the clothed bodies of brave souls for 10 to 15 minutes. They're fed before the sessions, so you don't have to worry about the pythons getting snacky, but keepers do warn not to make sudden moves, yell or even blow air on the snakes to not piss them off. (Photo via YouTube)
Breast Milk Facials
General medical consensus indicates that newborn babies should drink breast milk instead of formula whenever possible, but some mothers believe that the liquid from their boobs has other applications. A beauty spa in Chicago is now offering breast milk facials, where customers can have their faces slathered with a compound of white clay and milk purchased from a city milk bank. Proponents believe that it can heal acne and eczema due to the presence of lauric acid in the milk, but you can get that acid plenty of other places without milking a mommy. (Photo credit: Mud Facial Bar)
Bull Semen Hair Treatment
Revitalizing damaged hair is a big market, and hundreds of cure-all treatments have been sold to bring back the bounce and luster of your locks. Everybody knows that protein is a miracle ingredient for hair, and what better source of it than the jizz of a massive animal? A spa in Britain introduced the treatment in 2009, slathering scalps with a mixture of Aberdeen Angus bull semen and the roots of a Middle Eastern plant. The semen was kept on ice until use so customers didn't get an accidental "Something About Mary" look. (Photo credit: Kate Sumblre via Flickr CC)
Snail Slime Facials
Let's head over to Thailand for another facial treatment that is pretty nauseating. Spas are opening up around snail farms in the Chiang Mai province, where beauticians place live snails on faces and guide their slithering to leave trails of slime in problem areas. The animals produce the fluids -- known scientifically as glycoconjugates -- when they're under stress, and contain antioxidants and other nutrients. Whether your face can actually absorb any of that stuff from animals sliding around on it is still up for debate. (Photo credit: Jumbokedama via Flickr CC)
Cancer Blood Treatment
This one is exceptionally disgusting, so make sure you're sitting down. DI-CIK therapy is a form of cancer treatment in which blood is taken from cancer patients, put into a machine to extract dendritic cells that have powerful antigens and then injected back into the patient's body. It's still in clinical trials in America, but in China the procedure is more common -- and, disgustingly, being used for beauty treatments. In 2012, a Hong Kong woman (who did not have cancer) had the procedure at a clinic and contracted a blood infection that ended up killing her. (Photo via YouTube)
Hay Baths
The idea of laying in a bathtub full of freshly cut grass seems like it would make you itchy for the rest of your life. But in the South Tyrolean hills of Italy, hay baths are a beauty treatment with centuries of history. The grass is soaked in hot water and herbs and then packed around your body, causing you to sweat like a pig. The treatment is alleged to stimulate weight loss, ease muscle and joint pain and aid the immune system. Unfortunately, they say it takes between 8 and 10 treatments to feel the effects, and that's a lot of unpleasant itching. (Photo credit: Suedtirolerland)
Fish Pedicures
Here's another case of the natural habits of the animal kingdom being harnessed for human vanity. A breed of fish known as the Garra rufa or "doctor fish" has become popular in spas across Asia for their appetite for dead skin. Before they get their toenails painted, customers dip their feet into tanks full of the fish, which nibble flakes of skin off of them. If that's not disgusting enough, scientists have found that the animals carry a number of infection-causing bacteria. Fish pedicures are banned in numerous states for general sanitary reasons. (Photo credit: Sharon Lapkim via Flickr CC)
Micro-Needling
The skin is a delicate and temperamental organ, and beauticians have found dozens of ways to mess with it. One of the most disquieting treatments in recent years involves the use of a device called a "microneedle roller," which is a little spinning device affixed with thousands of tiny little acupuncture needles. Topical anesthetic is applied to the face and then this awful torture device is rolled over the skin, puncturing it over and over again. The sales pitch is that it spurs collagen production and makes skin look more youthful, but myriad cases of skin degradation and infection have been reported after the treatment in Asia. (Photo credit: Microneedling Review)
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This Wedding RSVP Card Includes All the Awful Things to Expect From Invited Guests
If you've been through the wedding process, you know how incredibly difficult, time-consuming and frustrating it can be at times (along with being wonderful, of course). And surprisingly, one of the most challenging aspects is dealing with the people you actually want to be there for the joyous occasion. This hilarious RSVP card from Happy Place nails that with a comprehensive checklist of all the awful guests who will show up to your wedding and potentially ruin your perfect day.
![honest wedding rsvp card, funny wedding invitation]()
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Teacher Asks Students to Write 16-Line Poem, Kid Does One on Cocaine
Who knew that poetry could be so damn addicting?
According to Redditor carlsjuniorIII, a teacher recently asked his or her students to write a 16-line poem, but one of them was a tad more arousing than the rest, as one student turned in a poem about cocaine that featured a picture of 12 lines of blow preceded by four lines of text.
![Student turns in 16-line poem about cocaine]()
Unless this kid's teacher is a major cokehead or grew up in the '80s, odds are it didn't go over very well. But it is definitely "#DEEP," and it probably has a higher street value compared to what else was handed in.
We're not sure which school this poem came from, but we think it's safe to assume it isn't a Catholic one.
It's not the first time a student had a little fun with his assignment: Student 'Rickrolls' His Teacher in Essay on Quantum Physics
According to Redditor carlsjuniorIII, a teacher recently asked his or her students to write a 16-line poem, but one of them was a tad more arousing than the rest, as one student turned in a poem about cocaine that featured a picture of 12 lines of blow preceded by four lines of text.
Unless this kid's teacher is a major cokehead or grew up in the '80s, odds are it didn't go over very well. But it is definitely "#DEEP," and it probably has a higher street value compared to what else was handed in.
We're not sure which school this poem came from, but we think it's safe to assume it isn't a Catholic one.
It's not the first time a student had a little fun with his assignment: Student 'Rickrolls' His Teacher in Essay on Quantum Physics
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This Week's 20 Funniest Tweets
Another week, another batch of the most hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
Is it "fleek" or "on fleek"? I want grandmas eulogy to be just right.
- A guy who'se cool (@MikeCanRant) March 30, 2015
Imagine how much funnier Richard Pryor would have been if he'd had think pieces and blogs to guide him.
- Neal Brennan (@nealbrennan) April 1, 2015
THE LORD OF THE RINGS Special Extended Edition really is the only way to watch the series. pic.twitter.com/DOZvbrNY3c
- Chris Worthington (@SomeChrisTweets) April 4, 2015
If you take a girl to a restaurant full of bees she'll be like, "let's go some place with fewer bees" and then your apartment is next #swag
- Trevor S (@trevso_electric) April 5, 2015
If you could switch genders for one day what would you do? Men: play with my boobs Women: WALK AROUND AT NIGHT WITH HEADPHONES IN
- Sophia Benoit (@1followernodad) December 10, 2014
*autopsy* the deceased is male, aged 37, a magician. removing the- *pulling on an endless string of intestines* phil, c'mere & look at this
- lil jon lovitz (@nbadag) February 28, 2015
*shows up to your baby daughter's baptism wearing the same dress*
- ibid (@ibid78) March 21, 2015
What, this whole bag of dicks? BY MYSELF?
- BatKaren (@batkaren) February 5, 2015
the cashier at Petsmart just told me I smell really good which would be a compliment if my competition wasn't a bunch of dogs and gerbils
- kristen (@kristendrum) April 2, 2015
"No way!" said the hitchhiker as both he & the driver held up an ax. "I was gonna kill you!" "No I was gonna kill YOU!" eruption of laughter
- Jeff Wysaski (@pleatedjeans) January 13, 2015
None for me. I'll eat when I'm dead "You don't understand how that saying works, do you?" I'll understand how the saying works when I'm dead
- Mary (@living_marble) February 28, 2015
There aren't a lot of female pilots and not to point fingers but thanks a lot Amelia Earhart
- Michelle Wolf (@michelleisawolf) April 5, 2015
[a Swarm of Bees requests to be your friend] um ok [a Swarm of Bees has invited you to event "Come Outside"] what tha
- Cat Damon (@CornOnTheGoblin) March 31, 2015
My most fulfilling hobby is silently fighting men for shared armrests. Thinking of going pro.
- Cameron Esposito (@cameronesposito) March 31, 2015
If you walk into a crowded bar carrying a small tray, you can walk up to anyone & ask what they like to drink and they'll just hand you cash
- (maura) (@behindyourback) April 4, 2015
No, you EMPHASIZE the wrong word.
- Jeffw (@Jeffwni) March 29, 2015
BUZZ ALDRIN: I spy, with my little eye, something beginning with E. NEIL ARMSTRONG: Earth? BUZZ: Nope *5 minutes silence* BUZZ: OK, yep.
- Diversion (@Diversion50) February 18, 2015
[commercial for college] *person shoveling money into furnace* Narrator: Don't you wish there was a better way?
- dan (@oxygenplug) January 26, 2015
I don't think a grand piano falling onto my head is as big of a threat as cartoons led me to believe.
- Kyle on Twidder (@houffy) January 26, 2015
When you look for him across a crowded room and he's already looking at you pic.twitter.com/JahS0O59Tb
- Karen Kilgariff (@KarenKilgariff) February 16, 2015
More very funny tweets can be found right here.
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What If Cookie From 'Empire' Showed Up On 'Game of Thrones'
The first season of "Empire" recently ended with impressive ratings for its finale, but apparently, the show's leading lady is looking to take over another empire now. Cookie Lyon has headed to Westeros to stir some shit up and challenge Khaleesi for the title of Queen of the Seven Kingdoms. Mother of Dragons, meet the mother of Empire Entertainment. Season 5 of "Game of Thrones" premieres on Sunday night and is sure to get crazy, but it ain't got nothing on "Game of Thrones: Cookie Is Coming."
Also check out: The 'Game of Thrones' and 'Saved by the Bell' Mashup You've Been Waiting For
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20 Female TV And Film Characters Responsible For Jump-Starting Male Puberty
The '90s and early 2000s could be considered the apex of television and film. Not only did these years yield excellent stories and originality, they also showcased some serious butt. Countless babes inhabited our TV screens during these days, but none other quite as influential than those listed here. The following female characters made my childhood happy. (This list is entirely subjective, but because I have such exquisite taste in ladies, I know it'll resonate with many.)
1. Tina Carlyle - "The Mask"
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I was six when "The Mask" came out. I think it was the first time I fell in love with a woman. Cameron Diaz and that tight red dress took me from innocent wide-eyed boy to man-in-training.
2. Wendy Peffercorn - "The Sandlot"
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What made Wendy attractive to me, beyond the obvious, is that Squints actually succeeds in winning her affection. It showed she's charitable. It also showed me as a kid that dreams do come true with a little elbow grease and some serious balls.
3. Veronica Vaughn - "Billy Madison"
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So hot, want to touch the hiney.
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4. Dionne Davenport - "Clueless"
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For a few years during my youth, I was murderously jealous of Donald Faison. He got to kiss Stacey Dash in "Clueless." Stacey Dash's nose ring also got me, and when she drove onto that freeway and freaked out I just wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be all right.
5. Topanga Lawrence - "Boy Meets World"
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What did I like about Danielle Fishel as Topanga? 1) Her willingness to date a nerd. 2) Her spicy mix of indeterminate ethnicities. 3) Her knockers. I'll admit I didn't watch "Boy Meets World" as much as I should have, but when I did, well, it was quite the coming-of-age.
6. Laney Boggs - "She's All That"
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I personally liked Laney (played by Rachael Leigh Cook) as a dork. Because I felt as though I knew a secret -- a secret no sweaty jock could take from me.
7. Amanda Beckett - "Can't Hardly Wait"
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Once again, a misunderstood teen I could save. Props to Ethan Embry for getting to make out with Jennifer Love Hewitt in the end.
8. Alyssa Jones - "Chasing Amy"
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She's intelligent, she's cool, she's lesbionic. "Chasing Amy" is a story about a hetero man cracking the code and hitting it. It also features Joey Lauren Adams swapping spit with a girl. Honorable mention: Layla Maloney in "Big Daddy."
9. Gracie Hart - "Miss Congeniality"
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After "Miss Congeniality," that was it for me. I would worship Sandra Bullock until my dying days. Like many on this list, Gracie's personality won my heart.
10. Brandy - "Joe Dirt"
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Brandy is a vision. I swear, in my 26 years, I've never seen a woman pull off boyish hair better. Brittany Daniel went on to star in other bone-popping roles in "Club Dread," "White Chicks" and quite literally, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."
11. Lola Bunny - "Space Jam"
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You're a speciesist if you don't think Lola Bunny is hot.
12. Kelly Bundy "Married ... with Children"
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She's equal parts promiscuous and idiotic, causing men the world over to adore Christina Applegate's Kelly Bundy. She likely caused more seed to spill than a bird farm, and I often wondered how Bud could resist. Weird? Yes.
13. Mary Jane Potman - "Half Baked"
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Toss that joint off the bridge, you moron.
14. Cindy Campbell - "Scary Movie"
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I especially love a girl with a sense of humor. Anna Faris' portrayal of Cindy Campbell in "Scary Movie" made me happy. I also liked the part when her boyfriend got her "stuck" on the bedroom ceiling.
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15. Vanessa Kensington - "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery"
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Elizabeth Hurley hit the big stage in 1997 in "Austin Powers." I was only nine, but I knew full well that English accent was special.
16. Rita Escobar - "Wild Wild West"
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One scene in "Wild Wild West" sticks so vividly in my mind, I could swear 1999 was yesterday. Honorable mention: Salma Hayek in "Desperado."
17. Gloria Clemente - "White Men Can't Jump"
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Save the atrocious accent, Rosie Perez was ridiculously cute in "White Men Can't Jump." There were also many cases of side boob as well.
18. Tinker Bell - "Hook"
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I was hesitant to include this one, but I looked on IMDB and found out Julia Roberts was 23. We're good. I could've included her role in "Pretty Woman," but there's just something about that Tinker Bell.
19. Roxanne - "A Goofy Movie"
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Why does Disney even make the animals hot? It completely messes with your head. Roxanne was a canine in "A Goofy Movie" with unquestionably hot features. I could lie and say she wasn't a serious crush of mine, but then that would be lying.
20. CJ Parker - "Baywatch"
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How could we forget Pamela Anderson?
1. Tina Carlyle - "The Mask"
I was six when "The Mask" came out. I think it was the first time I fell in love with a woman. Cameron Diaz and that tight red dress took me from innocent wide-eyed boy to man-in-training.
2. Wendy Peffercorn - "The Sandlot"
What made Wendy attractive to me, beyond the obvious, is that Squints actually succeeds in winning her affection. It showed she's charitable. It also showed me as a kid that dreams do come true with a little elbow grease and some serious balls.
3. Veronica Vaughn - "Billy Madison"
So hot, want to touch the hiney.
4. Dionne Davenport - "Clueless"
For a few years during my youth, I was murderously jealous of Donald Faison. He got to kiss Stacey Dash in "Clueless." Stacey Dash's nose ring also got me, and when she drove onto that freeway and freaked out I just wanted to hold her and tell her everything would be all right.
5. Topanga Lawrence - "Boy Meets World"
What did I like about Danielle Fishel as Topanga? 1) Her willingness to date a nerd. 2) Her spicy mix of indeterminate ethnicities. 3) Her knockers. I'll admit I didn't watch "Boy Meets World" as much as I should have, but when I did, well, it was quite the coming-of-age.
6. Laney Boggs - "She's All That"
I personally liked Laney (played by Rachael Leigh Cook) as a dork. Because I felt as though I knew a secret -- a secret no sweaty jock could take from me.
7. Amanda Beckett - "Can't Hardly Wait"
Once again, a misunderstood teen I could save. Props to Ethan Embry for getting to make out with Jennifer Love Hewitt in the end.
8. Alyssa Jones - "Chasing Amy"
She's intelligent, she's cool, she's lesbionic. "Chasing Amy" is a story about a hetero man cracking the code and hitting it. It also features Joey Lauren Adams swapping spit with a girl. Honorable mention: Layla Maloney in "Big Daddy."
9. Gracie Hart - "Miss Congeniality"
After "Miss Congeniality," that was it for me. I would worship Sandra Bullock until my dying days. Like many on this list, Gracie's personality won my heart.
10. Brandy - "Joe Dirt"
Brandy is a vision. I swear, in my 26 years, I've never seen a woman pull off boyish hair better. Brittany Daniel went on to star in other bone-popping roles in "Club Dread," "White Chicks" and quite literally, "It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia."
11. Lola Bunny - "Space Jam"
You're a speciesist if you don't think Lola Bunny is hot.
12. Kelly Bundy "Married ... with Children"
She's equal parts promiscuous and idiotic, causing men the world over to adore Christina Applegate's Kelly Bundy. She likely caused more seed to spill than a bird farm, and I often wondered how Bud could resist. Weird? Yes.
13. Mary Jane Potman - "Half Baked"
Toss that joint off the bridge, you moron.
14. Cindy Campbell - "Scary Movie"
I especially love a girl with a sense of humor. Anna Faris' portrayal of Cindy Campbell in "Scary Movie" made me happy. I also liked the part when her boyfriend got her "stuck" on the bedroom ceiling.
15. Vanessa Kensington - "Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery"
Elizabeth Hurley hit the big stage in 1997 in "Austin Powers." I was only nine, but I knew full well that English accent was special.
16. Rita Escobar - "Wild Wild West"
One scene in "Wild Wild West" sticks so vividly in my mind, I could swear 1999 was yesterday. Honorable mention: Salma Hayek in "Desperado."
17. Gloria Clemente - "White Men Can't Jump"
Save the atrocious accent, Rosie Perez was ridiculously cute in "White Men Can't Jump." There were also many cases of side boob as well.
18. Tinker Bell - "Hook"
I was hesitant to include this one, but I looked on IMDB and found out Julia Roberts was 23. We're good. I could've included her role in "Pretty Woman," but there's just something about that Tinker Bell.
19. Roxanne - "A Goofy Movie"
Why does Disney even make the animals hot? It completely messes with your head. Roxanne was a canine in "A Goofy Movie" with unquestionably hot features. I could lie and say she wasn't a serious crush of mine, but then that would be lying.
20. CJ Parker - "Baywatch"
How could we forget Pamela Anderson?
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