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Today's Funny Photos
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The 10 Most Delicious Treats To Make With Nutella
Aside from top notch drunk snacks, there are actually a great many things one can do with the magical miracle dessert food, Nutella (other than finger it straight out of the jar). Below you will find ten of the best ways to enjoy your favorite chocolatey hazelnut spread, each recipe more delicious than the one before. But, we cannot warn you enough: Do NOT spread it on your genitals for your dog to lick off. That's what peanut butter is for, dammit.
Nutella Breakfast Kebobs
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella, nutella kebobs]()
These you don't wanna put on the grill, but they definitely go down just as quickly as any steak kabob.
Ingredients (in addition to Nutella):
2 bananas
Fresh, sliced strawberries
Pancake mix (Shake 'n Pour)
Wooden skewers
After cooking up small pancakes (or cutting up regular ones into small triangles, skewer some breakfast foods (strawberry, bananas, whatever) together by first coating the sides of the pancakes with Nutella then adding the slices of fruit up against the Nutella. If that's not enough, then graze the skewers over with warmed Nutella at the end. There's no wrong way to make these masterpieces, you gluttonous sicko.
Nutella Ravioli
Take a note from "Food Mash-Ups" connoisseur Cheffy and make the dessert ravioli that goes perfectly with a case of the munchies. He makes it look easy, the tastiest treat you can possibly imagine.
Ingredients (in addition to Nutella):
Wonton wraps
Banana
Powdered Sugar
Cinnamon
Marshmallows
Iced Nutella Coffee
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella, iced nutella coffee]()
Iced coffee is already like the drink equivalent to crack, but now they've gone and added the most additive snack food to it as well? Pure malarkey!
Ingredients:
1/2 cup milk
1 tbsp sweetened condensed milk
1 tbsp Nutella (add more for stronger Nutella loving experience)
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp sugar
1/2 cup ice
All you need to do to get this refreshing toxic drink in your body is blend all these ingredients together. It can be as simple as adding Nutella to your coffee and pouring over ice, but for the real experience, take this route. If you want to get nuts and not water down your drink, make coffee ice cubes, the cracked-out caffeine-head's way to drinking iced coffee.
Nutella Cereal
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella, nutella cereal]()
If you've got a buzz, all you need are some drunk snacks, and there's nothing easier or more innovative than Nutella cereal. Though it takes a little time and effort, it's every bit worth it in the end, and it makes for a great post bar activity or Sunday morning kitchen fun.
Ingredients:
1/3 cup Nutella
1-1/4 cup flour
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup honey
1 egg
4 tbsp milk
1/4 cup cocoa powder
Mix all the ingredients in a large bowl until it has the consistency of cookie batter. Add milk if it's too thick. Roll tight little, cereal size balls and place on a cookie sheet (lightly coated with cooking spray). Cook for 10 minutes at 350 degrees, then roll them over for another 10 minutes. Let cool, then add to a bowl with milk and enjoy, preferably with your pants off for maximum pleasure.
Nutella Donut Holes
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella, nutella donut holes]()
You get this right and you'll never eat another thing for breakfast again.
Donut Hole Ingredients:
1 egg
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup milk
Toppings:
1/2 cup Nutella
7 tbsp butter (unsalted)
3/4 cup sugar
Simply take the donut hole ingredients and mix them up and scoop into donut hole sized balls on a cooking sheets and bake for 13 to 15 minutes at 350 degrees. Let the holes cool for 10 minutes, then roll them on their side and (using a piping bag or squirt gun), fill each donut hole with Nutella until the ball begins to expand. Melt the butter in a bowl and roll each hole in it then roll through granulated sugar for sugary coating. Wait 10 minutes, then wah-la!
Nutella Milkshake
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella, nutella milkshake]()
Who says milkshakes are out of style?
Ingredients:
1/3 cup Nutella
1 cup milk (preferably skim, gross)
3 scoops frozen vanilla yogurt
Blend it all and serve it up quickly. And add a cute little straw like in the movies, just to make it official.
Nutella Stuffed French Toast
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella]()
If you can muster up the strength to add Nutella to one of your favorite breakfast foods, you'll be damn glad you did.
Ingredients:
Nutella
8 thick slices bread (Texas toast)
6 eggs
1/4 cup milk
3 tbsp butter
Melt the butter in a skillet. Whisk the eggs together with the milk. Spread Nutella between two slices of bread. Coat both sides of Nutella-bread conglomerate in egg mixture. Slow cook until golden brown on both sides. Enjoy with maple syrup, whipped cream, fresh fruit or nothing at all because it's already awesome. You can do the same with waffles. Warning: If you add chicken, you'll never seem fit to the house again.
Sweet & Spicy Nutella Coated Bacon Strips
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella]()
They may look like little turds, but we assure you nothing tastes finer. We're not even sure this is legal to put the two together.
Ingredients:
6 slices thick bacon
1 tbsp brown sugar
3 tbsp Nutella
1 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp chili powder
Preheat to 375 degrees. Bake bacon on cookie sheet for 8 to 10 minutes, depending on crisp preference. Remove bacon from oven and flip slices over. Sprinkle mixture of brown sugar, chili pepper and black pepper across the slices and return to oven for another 8 to 10 minutes. Warm Nutella until soft, then drizzle, dip or spread bacon. If you need more Nutella, well, then you need more Nutella. Let slices cool for a minute, then sprinkle sea salt. Next up, you're fat.
Nutella Dessert Pizza
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella, nutella dessert pizza]()
If you've never made dessert pizza before, may the lord have mercy on your poor soul. Essentially we're replacing tomato sauce with Nutella and fresh meats and veggies with fruits and sugary syrups.
Ingredients:
1 large pizza dough
5 tbsp Nutella
1 handful of strawberries
1 tbsp olive oil or butter
Preheat to 425 degrees. Coat baking tray in olive oil and place stretched pizza dough out on sheet where it won't stick and prick its surface with a fork. Brush light with butter and bake until golden brown. Then spread warm, softened Nutella across as you would pizza sauce. Top with fresh strawberry slices (or whichever fruit you prefer). Add icing sugar or powdered sugar for perfection.
Nutella Fudgsicles
![nutella recipes, things to do with nutella, nutella fudgsicles]()
Of course we save the best for last.
Ingredients:
1/2 cup Nutella
2 tbsp cocoa powder
1 tbsp corn starch
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1-1/2 cup whole milk
Add milk and corn starch to a small spot and stir until the corn starch dissolves. Add heat, then add Nutella and cocoa powder, continuing to stir about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and add in vanilla, then let cool. Pour into popsicle molds and let freeze for 6 hours. Don't say we didn't warn you how awesome this would be.
Nutella Breakfast Kebobs
These you don't wanna put on the grill, but they definitely go down just as quickly as any steak kabob.
Ingredients (in addition to Nutella):
2 bananas
Fresh, sliced strawberries
Pancake mix (Shake 'n Pour)
Wooden skewers
After cooking up small pancakes (or cutting up regular ones into small triangles, skewer some breakfast foods (strawberry, bananas, whatever) together by first coating the sides of the pancakes with Nutella then adding the slices of fruit up against the Nutella. If that's not enough, then graze the skewers over with warmed Nutella at the end. There's no wrong way to make these masterpieces, you gluttonous sicko.
Nutella Ravioli
Take a note from "Food Mash-Ups" connoisseur Cheffy and make the dessert ravioli that goes perfectly with a case of the munchies. He makes it look easy, the tastiest treat you can possibly imagine.
Ingredients (in addition to Nutella):
Wonton wraps
Banana
Powdered Sugar
Cinnamon
Marshmallows
Iced Nutella Coffee
Iced coffee is already like the drink equivalent to crack, but now they've gone and added the most additive snack food to it as well? Pure malarkey!
Ingredients:
1/2 cup milk
1 tbsp sweetened condensed milk
1 tbsp Nutella (add more for stronger Nutella loving experience)
1 tsp vanilla
1 tsp sugar
1/2 cup ice
All you need to do to get this refreshing toxic drink in your body is blend all these ingredients together. It can be as simple as adding Nutella to your coffee and pouring over ice, but for the real experience, take this route. If you want to get nuts and not water down your drink, make coffee ice cubes, the cracked-out caffeine-head's way to drinking iced coffee.
Nutella Cereal
If you've got a buzz, all you need are some drunk snacks, and there's nothing easier or more innovative than Nutella cereal. Though it takes a little time and effort, it's every bit worth it in the end, and it makes for a great post bar activity or Sunday morning kitchen fun.
Ingredients:
1/3 cup Nutella
1-1/4 cup flour
1 tsp vanilla
1/2 tsp salt
1/4 cup honey
1 egg
4 tbsp milk
1/4 cup cocoa powder
Mix all the ingredients in a large bowl until it has the consistency of cookie batter. Add milk if it's too thick. Roll tight little, cereal size balls and place on a cookie sheet (lightly coated with cooking spray). Cook for 10 minutes at 350 degrees, then roll them over for another 10 minutes. Let cool, then add to a bowl with milk and enjoy, preferably with your pants off for maximum pleasure.
Nutella Donut Holes
You get this right and you'll never eat another thing for breakfast again.
Donut Hole Ingredients:
1 egg
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup flour
1 tsp baking powder
1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup milk
Toppings:
1/2 cup Nutella
7 tbsp butter (unsalted)
3/4 cup sugar
Simply take the donut hole ingredients and mix them up and scoop into donut hole sized balls on a cooking sheets and bake for 13 to 15 minutes at 350 degrees. Let the holes cool for 10 minutes, then roll them on their side and (using a piping bag or squirt gun), fill each donut hole with Nutella until the ball begins to expand. Melt the butter in a bowl and roll each hole in it then roll through granulated sugar for sugary coating. Wait 10 minutes, then wah-la!
Nutella Milkshake
Who says milkshakes are out of style?
Ingredients:
1/3 cup Nutella
1 cup milk (preferably skim, gross)
3 scoops frozen vanilla yogurt
Blend it all and serve it up quickly. And add a cute little straw like in the movies, just to make it official.
Nutella Stuffed French Toast
If you can muster up the strength to add Nutella to one of your favorite breakfast foods, you'll be damn glad you did.
Ingredients:
Nutella
8 thick slices bread (Texas toast)
6 eggs
1/4 cup milk
3 tbsp butter
Melt the butter in a skillet. Whisk the eggs together with the milk. Spread Nutella between two slices of bread. Coat both sides of Nutella-bread conglomerate in egg mixture. Slow cook until golden brown on both sides. Enjoy with maple syrup, whipped cream, fresh fruit or nothing at all because it's already awesome. You can do the same with waffles. Warning: If you add chicken, you'll never seem fit to the house again.
Sweet & Spicy Nutella Coated Bacon Strips
They may look like little turds, but we assure you nothing tastes finer. We're not even sure this is legal to put the two together.
Ingredients:
6 slices thick bacon
1 tbsp brown sugar
3 tbsp Nutella
1 tsp ground pepper
1 tsp chili powder
Preheat to 375 degrees. Bake bacon on cookie sheet for 8 to 10 minutes, depending on crisp preference. Remove bacon from oven and flip slices over. Sprinkle mixture of brown sugar, chili pepper and black pepper across the slices and return to oven for another 8 to 10 minutes. Warm Nutella until soft, then drizzle, dip or spread bacon. If you need more Nutella, well, then you need more Nutella. Let slices cool for a minute, then sprinkle sea salt. Next up, you're fat.
Nutella Dessert Pizza
If you've never made dessert pizza before, may the lord have mercy on your poor soul. Essentially we're replacing tomato sauce with Nutella and fresh meats and veggies with fruits and sugary syrups.
Ingredients:
1 large pizza dough
5 tbsp Nutella
1 handful of strawberries
1 tbsp olive oil or butter
Preheat to 425 degrees. Coat baking tray in olive oil and place stretched pizza dough out on sheet where it won't stick and prick its surface with a fork. Brush light with butter and bake until golden brown. Then spread warm, softened Nutella across as you would pizza sauce. Top with fresh strawberry slices (or whichever fruit you prefer). Add icing sugar or powdered sugar for perfection.
Nutella Fudgsicles
Of course we save the best for last.
Ingredients:
1/2 cup Nutella
2 tbsp cocoa powder
1 tbsp corn starch
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1-1/2 cup whole milk
Add milk and corn starch to a small spot and stir until the corn starch dissolves. Add heat, then add Nutella and cocoa powder, continuing to stir about 5 minutes. Remove from heat and add in vanilla, then let cool. Pour into popsicle molds and let freeze for 6 hours. Don't say we didn't warn you how awesome this would be.
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'Things On My Grandma' Is Our New Favorite Twitter Account
Every now and then, we like to let you know what is tickling the Mandatory funny bone, especially on Twitter. Last month is was Medieval Reactions, and this month it is something just as weird, albeit slightly less clever: Things On My Grandma. No further explanation necessary. Enjoy.
A fan pic.twitter.com/zH9hTHX0L0
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) April 26, 2015
A microwave pic.twitter.com/Fj0CGqmrze
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) April 26, 2015
Ironing board pic.twitter.com/kzHxrXsfYx
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) April 29, 2015
Nikes pic.twitter.com/OhSr6zvUTW
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) May 7, 2015
A wet floor sign pic.twitter.com/V7pFl8BbWC
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) May 7, 2015
A laptop pic.twitter.com/z24F3jMSFK
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) May 11, 2015
A lemon pic.twitter.com/itkKX3b7ls
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) May 5, 2015
A pan pic.twitter.com/QToNWqXSh4
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) May 1, 2015
Baseball bat pic.twitter.com/Ty4x3m9vEy
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) April 27, 2015
Dyson Hoover pic.twitter.com/9D03cQJo1u
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) April 26, 2015
Grey goose pic.twitter.com/tux59DMQaz
- Things On My Grandma (@ThingsOnGrandma) April 27, 2015
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Yard Sale Signs Guaranteed To Make It A Success
The majority of yard sale signs are all the same: a description, a location, and an arrow pointing you in the direction where you can find old, used up things that someone will attempt to force on you because they need more space for that new pool table they are considering purchasing. But some signs are so creative, so perfect, that they are guaranteed to get you customers. Here are some of the signs you can use to give away all your memories.
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
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![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
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![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Yard Sale]()
Via Fb-Troublemakers
Via Fb-Troublemakers
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Atomic Wedgie Sends Guy To Jail
While bullies from '80s and '90s television shows handed out wedgies to show the rest of the school how tough they were, as well as to show them their affinity for underwear, one Oklahoma man may have handed out his last wedgie as he will be headed to jail for one.
![News]()
Involuntary manslaughter is what Brad Lee Davis is going to jail for after killing his stepfather, Denver St. Claire, last year with an atomic wedgie. Yes, an atomic wedgie. Davis suffocated his stepfather in his own underwear while performing the wedgie. Davis pleaded guilty after prosecutors originally tried to charge him with first degree murder.
Davis and his stepfather did not have the best relationship, clearly, and Davis texted a friend that he was "fixing to mess Denver up."
Prosecutors are asking for a 35-year sentence, and something tells me that Davis will be keeping his hands out of the other inmates pants.
I don't exactly know how high Davis will rise in the jail food chain after others find out he's in there for an atomic wedgie.
Via Gawker
Involuntary manslaughter is what Brad Lee Davis is going to jail for after killing his stepfather, Denver St. Claire, last year with an atomic wedgie. Yes, an atomic wedgie. Davis suffocated his stepfather in his own underwear while performing the wedgie. Davis pleaded guilty after prosecutors originally tried to charge him with first degree murder.
Davis and his stepfather did not have the best relationship, clearly, and Davis texted a friend that he was "fixing to mess Denver up."
Prosecutors are asking for a 35-year sentence, and something tells me that Davis will be keeping his hands out of the other inmates pants.
I don't exactly know how high Davis will rise in the jail food chain after others find out he's in there for an atomic wedgie.
Via Gawker
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17 Innocent Gifs That Unintentionally Sum Up What It's Like To Have Really Bad Sex
Everyone's had a sexual experience or two that they'd rather forget about and never recreate again. Even if it was with someone you care about deeply, there are times when things just don't go smoothly. Other times it's because you're with an idiot that has no idea what they're doing and treats your body like a game of whack-a-mole. Here are 17 innocent GIFs that when looked at with a dirty mind, sum up so much of what it's like to have terrible sex.
![bad sex gifs, funny gifs, fail gifs]()
1. That is not the way to bring pleasure to anyone's life unless they happen to have an Xbox controller in place of their genitals.
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2. I swear it normally doesn't happen that fast.
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3. "yes, baby. just like that. oh yes. you are the best."
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4. Oh, so I guess now that you're finished we're done, huh?
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5. Thankfully there's no sound to go with this one.
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6. Please don't put that anywhere near my mouth again.
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7. Wait, that didn't feel right. This is supposed to feel good, isn't it?
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8. Whatever gets this over with the quickest is fine by me.
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9. I can picture the face the guy is making while doing this and honestly it's ruining my life.
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10. I'm pretty sure this is the opposite of "50 Shades of Grey."
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11. Was that good for you, baby?
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12. Is it in yet? It is?
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13. No really, that was great. It was the best 11 seconds of my life.
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14. Excuse me. I need to go brush my teeth.
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15. What's even worse is you were also being doused in sweat while this was happening.
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16. I'm begging you to stop trying to make eye contact while your face is doing that.
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17. And that pretty much sums the whole thing up for everyone.
1. That is not the way to bring pleasure to anyone's life unless they happen to have an Xbox controller in place of their genitals.
2. I swear it normally doesn't happen that fast.
3. "yes, baby. just like that. oh yes. you are the best."
4. Oh, so I guess now that you're finished we're done, huh?
5. Thankfully there's no sound to go with this one.
6. Please don't put that anywhere near my mouth again.
7. Wait, that didn't feel right. This is supposed to feel good, isn't it?
8. Whatever gets this over with the quickest is fine by me.
9. I can picture the face the guy is making while doing this and honestly it's ruining my life.
10. I'm pretty sure this is the opposite of "50 Shades of Grey."
11. Was that good for you, baby?
12. Is it in yet? It is?
13. No really, that was great. It was the best 11 seconds of my life.
14. Excuse me. I need to go brush my teeth.
15. What's even worse is you were also being doused in sweat while this was happening.
16. I'm begging you to stop trying to make eye contact while your face is doing that.
17. And that pretty much sums the whole thing up for everyone.
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Old Guy Kicked Out Of Retirement Home For Hiding Prostitute Under Bed
After losing your phone and not having any Wi-Fi, getting old is probably the scariest thing that can happen to anyone, but for one old man in Philadelphia, his urge to continue to have fun has cost him his shelter.
![News, Funny]()
The unidentified 70-year-old man (not pictured above, but you gotta admit, that's a pretty sweet photo of an old man partying with young women) paid his prostitutes with profits that he made from selling alcohol to fellow residents, so already he's the grandpa we wish we had. The chief financial officer for Montgomery County said that the man would go on booze runs for his friends because he was the most mobile of the bunch.
Unfortunately, the old man was kicked out of the home when authorities found a prostitute that he had been hiding under his bed, because apparently when you are old and gray you are not allowed to drink or have sex. People prefer that you just sit back and eat apple sauce while watching reruns of "Mash" until you expire.
If a monthly visit from your grand kids and senior citizen discounts is all one has to look forward to when they are old, then kudos to this guy for realizing those two things are awful and hanging with prostitutes is better.
Via Unilad
The unidentified 70-year-old man (not pictured above, but you gotta admit, that's a pretty sweet photo of an old man partying with young women) paid his prostitutes with profits that he made from selling alcohol to fellow residents, so already he's the grandpa we wish we had. The chief financial officer for Montgomery County said that the man would go on booze runs for his friends because he was the most mobile of the bunch.
Unfortunately, the old man was kicked out of the home when authorities found a prostitute that he had been hiding under his bed, because apparently when you are old and gray you are not allowed to drink or have sex. People prefer that you just sit back and eat apple sauce while watching reruns of "Mash" until you expire.
If a monthly visit from your grand kids and senior citizen discounts is all one has to look forward to when they are old, then kudos to this guy for realizing those two things are awful and hanging with prostitutes is better.
Via Unilad
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A Typical Trip to the Doctor's Office
Everybody gets sick or hurt sometimes, which is why it's so great that there are doctors out there to make us better. Unfortunately, a typical visit to see the doc only adds to our pain and suffering.
![typical trip to doctor, trip to the doctor's office, funny doctor visit]()
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Georgia Waffle House Employee Caught Masturbating in Booth
This is why those "All Employees Must Wash Hands Before Returning To Work" signs are a must.
According to The Smoking Gun, a 36-year-old sex offender working at a Waffle House in Macon surrendered to authorities earlier this week after one of his coworkers filmed him masturbating in one of the restaurant's booths.
Police said Emanuel Williams and a female coworker were the only two employees on duty last Monday during an extremely slow lunch period when Williams suddenly announced he was going to "jack his dick."
The female employee told police that she didn't take him seriously at first, but she soon noticed his hands were moving up and down "as if he were masturbating." She walked toward Williams to see if he was indeed "jacking his penis," and he was.
Since she thought nobody would believe her, the woman began recording Williams. Throughout the crank fest, the woman told police that she kept calling Williams a pervert. He responded by saying he "wasn't a pervert, he was a freak."
When Williams "finished," the woman stopped recording and told him "she hopes he washes his hands." And for the sake of every poor bastard who might have stopped in for a Texas Bacon Patty Melt after that, so do we.
Low prices can also be very titillating: Oklahoma Man Arrested After Masturbating in Walmart
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Illinois Woman Beats Boyfriend for Turning Down Sex in El Burrito Loco Bathroom
If a Mexican restaurant's restroom made this woman horny, imagine what more than two weeks in a holding cell must be doing to her.
According to The Smoking Gun, a 26-year-old Chicago area woman is still behind bars awaiting trial after being arrested more than two weeks ago for attacking her boyfriend in an El Burrito Loco bathroom because he refused to have sex with her.
![woman attacks boyfriend for not having sex with her in bathroom]()
Police said Stephanie Miller and Matthew Slattery were throwing back drinks at Sullivan's Irish Pub in Midlothian on April 25 when Miller began throwing sandwiches in the bar. Since sandwiches were now out of the picture, the two walked across the street to El Burrito Loco for dinner, and that's when things really got, well, loco.
Slattery told police he went to the little boys' room to take a leak, but Miller followed him in and began taking off her clothes. She then asked him to have sex with her right there in the restroom, but he declined. So naturally, she threw his head into the wall while he was still in the act pissing.
When police arrived on the scene, they found a "heavily intoxicated" Miller sitting on the restroom floor speaking in tongues. They also found a bottle of Tramadol in her purse, which Miller said belonged to her mother.
Slattery told police Miller had recently "fallen off the wagon," but we're pretty sure they were able to figure that out for themselves.
Dude's lucky she didn't have a gun in her purse: Woman Threatens to Shoot Boyfriend After He Denies Her Sex
According to The Smoking Gun, a 26-year-old Chicago area woman is still behind bars awaiting trial after being arrested more than two weeks ago for attacking her boyfriend in an El Burrito Loco bathroom because he refused to have sex with her.
Police said Stephanie Miller and Matthew Slattery were throwing back drinks at Sullivan's Irish Pub in Midlothian on April 25 when Miller began throwing sandwiches in the bar. Since sandwiches were now out of the picture, the two walked across the street to El Burrito Loco for dinner, and that's when things really got, well, loco.
Slattery told police he went to the little boys' room to take a leak, but Miller followed him in and began taking off her clothes. She then asked him to have sex with her right there in the restroom, but he declined. So naturally, she threw his head into the wall while he was still in the act pissing.
When police arrived on the scene, they found a "heavily intoxicated" Miller sitting on the restroom floor speaking in tongues. They also found a bottle of Tramadol in her purse, which Miller said belonged to her mother.
Slattery told police Miller had recently "fallen off the wagon," but we're pretty sure they were able to figure that out for themselves.
Dude's lucky she didn't have a gun in her purse: Woman Threatens to Shoot Boyfriend After He Denies Her Sex
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Russia's New Sport Is Just People Beating The Crap Out Of Each Other
While here in America we're trying to decide what the hell is going on with Tom Brady, what LeBron James thinks of everything, and if boxing will ever come back from the dead, out in Russia they've come up with a new sport: a bunch of guys beating the hell out of each other while Vladimir Putin stares from a distance and lightly applauds while successfully remaining emotionless.
Via Playboy
Via Playboy
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Model Has DD Breast Implants in Her Butt That Twerk on Their Own
The craziest part of this story? You guessed it: Somebody along the way convinced this woman that breast implants in her butt was a good idea.
According to the Daily Mail, a model with DD breast implants in her "misshapen" heinie is thrilled that two plastic surgeons from the E! reality series "Botched" are literally going to fix her ass.
Jana Stoner said the trouble began when a botched surgery in Mexico left her with a rump whose implants "twerk independently of themselves."
Dr. Terry DuBrow didn't sugarcoat things and said that Stoner's implants "have their own zip code."
Just so Stoner will be able to go back to Garden Grove, California and twerk like a normal 33-year-old, Dr. DuBrow and Dr. Paul Nassif will be giving her a buttock lift that will also remove most of a lower-back tattoo in the process, something that Stoner is also very thrilled about.
"I don't like this tattoo anyway, so you can just go right ahead and take that puppy right off," she said.
Overall, Stoner seemed beyond excited that the two doctors were willing to "operate on her ass," probably almost as excited as we would be if this was part of our job:
![woman with dd implants in ass gets buttock lift]()
36 surgeries were not enough for this "model": West Virginia Woman to Have 37th Surgery in Quest to be 'Human Barbie'
According to the Daily Mail, a model with DD breast implants in her "misshapen" heinie is thrilled that two plastic surgeons from the E! reality series "Botched" are literally going to fix her ass.
Jana Stoner said the trouble began when a botched surgery in Mexico left her with a rump whose implants "twerk independently of themselves."
Dr. Terry DuBrow didn't sugarcoat things and said that Stoner's implants "have their own zip code."
Just so Stoner will be able to go back to Garden Grove, California and twerk like a normal 33-year-old, Dr. DuBrow and Dr. Paul Nassif will be giving her a buttock lift that will also remove most of a lower-back tattoo in the process, something that Stoner is also very thrilled about.
"I don't like this tattoo anyway, so you can just go right ahead and take that puppy right off," she said.
Overall, Stoner seemed beyond excited that the two doctors were willing to "operate on her ass," probably almost as excited as we would be if this was part of our job:
36 surgeries were not enough for this "model": West Virginia Woman to Have 37th Surgery in Quest to be 'Human Barbie'
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Cool Summer Styles to Know From Head to Toe
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Today's Funny Photos
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50 Photos That Perfectly Sum Up The 50 States
Every state has its own special flavor that makes it unique. And that's what's great about America. Wherever you are, perhaps you will identify with these photos. Whether you're a moonshine-makin' outdoorsman in Tennessee or a pot-smokin' hippie in Colorado, we can all agree this great nation of ours is quite the colorful rainbow.
Alabama
![funny state photos, funny states, funny america]()
Alaska
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Arizona
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Arkansas
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California
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Colorado
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Connecticut
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Delaware
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Florida
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Georgia
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Hawaii
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Idaho
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Illinois
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Indiana
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Iowa
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Kansas
![A sign is seen in a devastated neighborhood in Joplin, Mo. Wednesday, May 25, 2011. An EF-5 tornado tore through much of the city Sunday, damaging a hospital and hundreds of homes and businesses and killing at least 123 people. (AP Photo/Charlie Riedel)]()
Kentucky
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Louisiana
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Maine
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Maryland
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Massachusetts
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Michigan
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Minnesota
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Mississippi
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Missouri
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Montana
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Nebraska
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Nevada
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New Hampshire
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New Jersey
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New Mexico
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New York
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North Carolina
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North Dakota
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Ohio
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Oklahoma
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Oregon
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Pennsylvania
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Rhode Island
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South Carolina
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South Dakota
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Tennessee
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Texas
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Utah
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Vermont
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Virginia
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Washington
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West Virginia
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Wisconsin
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Wyoming
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Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas
California
Colorado
Connecticut
Delaware
Florida
Georgia
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois
Indiana
Iowa
Kansas
Kentucky
Louisiana
Maine
Maryland
Massachusetts
Michigan
Minnesota
Mississippi
Missouri
Montana
Nebraska
Nevada
New Hampshire
New Jersey
New Mexico
New York
North Carolina
North Dakota
Ohio
Oklahoma
Oregon
Pennsylvania
Rhode Island
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Vermont
Virginia
Washington
West Virginia
Wisconsin
Wyoming
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13 Hilarious Help Wanted Signs
Apparently you need to be a productive member of society sometimes, so make sure to apply for these jobs when you come across them.
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
![Funny, Funny Photos, Help Wanted Signs]()
Via Ebaums World
Via Ebaums World
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Human Barbie Valeria Lukyanova Posts New Photo Of Cartoonish Figure
The "human Barbie," Valeria Lukyanova has decided to remind us once again that she may not be of this planet by posting new photos of her body that has been made to look like the famous doll.
![News, Girls, Human Barbie]()
The Ukrainian model has made it clear that she is not done with her transformation, stating that she is now aiming to look like an "Amazon woman" with a "warlike figure." And even though she has gone through countless changes, Lukyanova states "I no longer like my body. It needs some muscle."
It might also need more human qualities.
![News, Girls, Human Barbie]()
Lukyanova has had a goal in mind and she has done everything in her power to reach it, so you have to give her kudos for that, and for not giving a damn what others think. I have a goal to rid myself of my addiction to Netflix and dessert, but I don't know if that's possible.
Via EOnline
The Ukrainian model has made it clear that she is not done with her transformation, stating that she is now aiming to look like an "Amazon woman" with a "warlike figure." And even though she has gone through countless changes, Lukyanova states "I no longer like my body. It needs some muscle."
It might also need more human qualities.
Lukyanova has had a goal in mind and she has done everything in her power to reach it, so you have to give her kudos for that, and for not giving a damn what others think. I have a goal to rid myself of my addiction to Netflix and dessert, but I don't know if that's possible.
Via EOnline
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13 Brilliant Bachelor Hacks
Many of the brilliant life hacks below could be perceived as "lazy" or "slobbish," but that's not our style. We prefer to classify them as "resourceful" and "genius." We have a feeling all of you bachelors out there will agree.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
This awesome hack can hopefully help us all forget about "2 Girls 1 Cup."
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
"What's the matter? You don't like my bags?"
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
Now you can put off taking the trash out for a few more days.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
You were going to eat the entire pot anyways. Why dirty an extra dish?
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
Even better!
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
You may never leave the bathtub again.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
Then save that floss for a quick teeth cleaning afterwards.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
Like a boss.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
Your inventiveness will impress your date, even if your cooking doesn't.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
But a chef, nonetheless.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
Now that's just doing it right.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
Your cleverness and wrinkle-free shirt should be all you need to nail that job interview.
![bachelor hacks, lazy man hacks]()
Two birds, one tortilla.
h/t Ebaum's World
This awesome hack can hopefully help us all forget about "2 Girls 1 Cup."
"What's the matter? You don't like my bags?"
Now you can put off taking the trash out for a few more days.
You were going to eat the entire pot anyways. Why dirty an extra dish?
Even better!
You may never leave the bathtub again.
Then save that floss for a quick teeth cleaning afterwards.
Like a boss.
Your inventiveness will impress your date, even if your cooking doesn't.
But a chef, nonetheless.
Now that's just doing it right.
Your cleverness and wrinkle-free shirt should be all you need to nail that job interview.
Two birds, one tortilla.
h/t Ebaum's World
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Jose Canseco's Daughter Josie is First Casting Call for SI Swimsuit 2016
If you're the daughter of a Bash Brother, as Josie Canseco is, chances are you are probably used to a little extra attention. But the daughter of former MLB slugger Jose Canseco is trying to catapult herself into the limelight as the first hopeful for the 2016 Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue. Let's take a look:
Josie is a Florida native with cute freckles and a famous father, but there is plenty more that you don't know about her that you can find out by checking out her profile over at Swim Daily. For instance, did you know that her favorite SI Swimsuit model is Nina Agdal? Check out some photos below (courtesy of Next Models and her Instagram) and look out for Josie Canseco in 2016.
![josie canseco, josie canseco sexy photos, josie canseco SI swimsuit]()
![josie canseco, josie canseco sexy photos, josie canseco SI swimsuit]()
![josie canseco, josie canseco sexy photos, josie canseco SI swimsuit]()
![josie canseco, josie canseco sexy photos, josie canseco SI swimsuit]()
![josie canseco, josie canseco sexy photos, josie canseco SI swimsuit]()
Josie is a Florida native with cute freckles and a famous father, but there is plenty more that you don't know about her that you can find out by checking out her profile over at Swim Daily. For instance, did you know that her favorite SI Swimsuit model is Nina Agdal? Check out some photos below (courtesy of Next Models and her Instagram) and look out for Josie Canseco in 2016.
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Watch This Bear and Man Scare the Crap Out of Each Other at the Same Time
It's funny how your day can change in the matter of just three seconds.
One moment, you're confidently strolling out of your house while sipping on an ice cold glass of Sierra Mist. It's a different level of confident today, too, like an "I can get away with this purple shirt and cargo shorts combo" kind of confident. And all the while you're thinking, "Today is going to rule."
But it's not going to rule, and that's because you don't see the bear that is lurking in your driveway.
Thankfully for this guy, the bear also reacted like somebody had shown him a nudie pic of Geraldo and bolted in the other direction.
No word on what the dude did with the rest of his day, but we're pretty sure whatever it was, he didn't do it without changing his shorts first.
h/t Uproxx
More hilarity from the animal kingdom: Watch This A**hole Owl Poop on Another Owl
One moment, you're confidently strolling out of your house while sipping on an ice cold glass of Sierra Mist. It's a different level of confident today, too, like an "I can get away with this purple shirt and cargo shorts combo" kind of confident. And all the while you're thinking, "Today is going to rule."
But it's not going to rule, and that's because you don't see the bear that is lurking in your driveway.
Thankfully for this guy, the bear also reacted like somebody had shown him a nudie pic of Geraldo and bolted in the other direction.
No word on what the dude did with the rest of his day, but we're pretty sure whatever it was, he didn't do it without changing his shorts first.
h/t Uproxx
More hilarity from the animal kingdom: Watch This A**hole Owl Poop on Another Owl
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