Louisiana Woman Offers to Lick Cop's Anus to Get Out of Arrest

May 26, 2015, 5:32 am

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Who knew that offering to eat out a police officer's ass is a felony?

According to The Smoking Gun, a 52-year-old Monroe, Louisiana, woman was slapped with a felony public bribery charge to go along with her misdemeanor domestic abuse charge earlier this month after she offered to lick her arresting officer's butthole in return for setting her free.

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Police said Diane Thomas punched her boyfriend in the face multiple times during a domestic dispute at the couple's home on May 16. While she was being read her Miranda rights, Thomas told one of the responding officers that her boyfriend was a "bitch," and she had to "beat his ass" when he "got in her face."

When the officer put her in cuffs, Thomas said that she couldn't go to jail because she had a good job.

"If you won't take me to jail," Thomas said, "I will get on my knees right now. Officer, I will even lick your butt hole [sic]."

Unfortunately for Thomas, Corporal Chris Ballard of the Monroe Police Department wasn't a fan of tongues in his balloon knot, and she was taken to jail.

Thomas was freed after paying her $5,000 bail. No word on what she would have done to get that down to $500.

This woman thought her need to get laid was an emergency: Florida Woman Calls 911 for Sex

 

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Kentucky Couple Dies From Carbon Monoxide Poisoning After Having Sex in Car

May 26, 2015, 5:57 am

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Finally, here's a story where "at least he died doing what he loved," actually applies.

According to Death and Taxes, a Glencoe, Kentucky, couple having sex in a crappy car died recently after they were overcome by carbon monoxide leaking from a rusty tailpipe.

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David Long, 31, and Violet Iles, 25, decided to pull off to the side of the road to have sex in the early hours of May 13, presumably after "partying all night." With temperatures dipping below 40 degrees, the couple decided to leave the engine running with their windows rolled up.

But while the two bumped uglies, authorities said carbon monoxide that was leaking from a rusty tailpipe found its way inside the vehicle and killed the two lovers.

Police are still awaiting the results of toxicology reports to see if there was booze or drugs in either of their systems, but you have to assume if she was willing to hump a guy in the back seat of his crappy Dodge Neon for free, she was probably hammered.

Long would probably still be alive if he would have just had sex with the car instead: Man Humping a Car Doesn't Give a Damn That He's Being Recorded (NSFW)

 

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It Looks Like Rob Gronkowski Had a Better Memorial Day Weekend Than You

May 26, 2015, 7:03 am

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New England Patriots tight end Rob Gronkowski might be the man on the field, but off of it, it looks like he's pretty much a god.

According to Deadspin, Gronk had himself one hell of a Memorial Day weekend in Charleston, S.C., complete with drinking, puppies and, of course, a little bit of motorboating.

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Here are some more photos of Gronk living it up:

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But while getting hammered in dive bars and having fun with adorable puppies is fun and all, this one pretty much hammers home the fact that a typical day in the life of Rob Gronkowski is way better than ours:

Hey #Gronk did you enjoy the view lmao @RobGronkowski pic.twitter.com/NU9KYbVTl8

- Jamie (Dj Spanky ) (@SpankyJamie) May 25, 2015

These guys had a lot of fun, too. It's just that they probably don't remember it: This is Why You Shouldn't Get Blackout Drunk

 

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Expectations vs. Reality: Moving In With Your Girlfriend

May 26, 2015, 8:24 am

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Moving in with your girlfriend is never as awesome as you think it's going to be, even if you both love each other very much and consider yourselves "soulmates." We pointed this out in the past with this dating infographic, but now you can see it play out in this hilarious video, as well.

 

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John Legend Also Had A Better Memorial Day Weekend Than You Did

May 26, 2015, 8:32 am

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Instead of having their bodies badly sunburned and getting drunk enough to ignore family conversations, John Legend and his wife Chrissy Teigen decided to spend Memorial Day Weekend a tad better than you. In bed. With pizza.

At 10:46am, then 2:43pm. Will update any further changes. pic.twitter.com/9Dxv5fJKEh

- christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 24, 2015

8:43pm update. Same spot. New additions. Have not showered or put on clothing. pic.twitter.com/dbjmlUjDkW

- christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 25, 2015

9:45pm update pic.twitter.com/7icDS8DYWc-

-christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) May 25, 2015

Via Mic

 

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This Uncle Pranked His Nephew And The Reveal Is Glorious

May 26, 2015, 8:54 am

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When you're in a family you're supposed to look after one another, which is exactly the complete opposite of what this uncle did to his nephew.

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via Tumblr

 

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Lauren Francesca Shows Us All Her Stunning Sides

May 26, 2015, 8:31 am

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Lauren Francesca is much more than just a YouTube sensation; she's Playboy's latest masterpiece. Showing off all her different personalities, from gypsy queen to cyber nerd to bikini babe, Lauren has a little taste of everything we need this summer. Enjoy this Playboy video as we discover things - cleavage and curves - about this girl we wish their whole species would so easily share. We do know one thing for certain: We like all kinds of Lauren Francesca.

 

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Jac Jagaciak Gets Us All Jacked Up

May 26, 2015, 9:28 am

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Today's Funny Photos

May 26, 2015, 11:14 pm

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Bria Murphy Brings the Heat

May 27, 2015, 12:36 am

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Teacher Evaluations That Won't Increase Their Salary Any Time Soon

May 27, 2015, 12:41 am

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No one should be subjected to having to teach annoying, spoiled kids stuff they will never need, but it's a job someone has to do, and teachers do it with crummy pay. To add insult to injury, they also have to read through some brutal evaluations. Like these:

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Via The Chive

 

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Barbara Palvin is a Model Babe

May 27, 2015, 12:46 am

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11 Celebrities Who Were Busted For Naughty Acts In Public

May 27, 2015, 1:50 am

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There are more than enough DUI mugshots in the celebrity books to make a neat wallpaper collage, but there are plenty of other celebs who have been busted for their other dirty, mischievous ways. Check out some of the most notorious, most unexpected and somewhat hilarious lewd acts of celebrity folk we just wish were available on video (actually, we take that back).

Paul Reubens
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One of the best known memories for filthy celebrity arrests goes to the actor who played the beloved Pee Wee Herman, Paul Reubens. In 1991, Reubens was caught playing with his pee wee in an adult theater. He plead no contest to indecent exposure and has spent the last 20-plus years working to rebuild his public image.

Hugh Grant
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The "Knotting Hill" hunk was caught with prostitute Divine Brown in 1995 while engaged to actress Elizabeth Hurley. Grant was seen pulling up, allowing the prostitute into his car and driving to a neighborhood where police arrested him for lewd conduct and soliciting prostitution.

Fred Willard
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One of the most recent, visually disturbing pieces of celebrity mischief belongs to 75-year-old actor Fred Willard of "Anchorman" fame, who was caught with his pants down at an adult theater in Los Angeles in 2012. Willard insisted he did nothing wrong, but was caught during a routine police check in the Hollywood adult-rated cinema. Poor old guy was just trying to enjoy a movie.

Andy Dick
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After already being arrested twice for making sexual advances on both men and women, Dick was caught performing lewd acts in a Los Angeles club with a woman in the men's bathroom before going outside for some substance abuse just prior to exposing his genitals and walking down the street in a belligerent fashion. He received two felony counts of sexual abuse in 2010, and in 2014 he was additionally arrested on suspicion of grand theft in Los Angeles involving expensive jewelry.

George Michael
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In 1998, Michael was arrested for lewd acts in a Beverly Hills restroom after an interaction with an undercover officer and a round of "If You Show Me Yours," which ended with the public disclosure of his long-lived ambiguous homosexual lifestyle. Michael was later arrested again in a bathroom for drug possession.

Rob Lowe
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In 1988, the ageless actor Rob Lowe was part of a scandal involving two women he was filmed having sex with, one of which was only 16 years of age. He agreed to community service and did not face any criminal charges.

Ozzy Osbourne
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The classic rock frontman is no stranger to indecency, but in 1982, two years before Osbourne earned his way onto our "Infamous Rock 'n' Roll Mugshots" wall, he was arrested for public urination after whizzing at The Alamo while wearing his wife's dress.

Warren Sapp
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Former football stud Warren Sapp recently took a plea bargain after his February 2015 arrest for soliciting a prostitute and then assaulting her after a dispute over money. Sapp entered into a diversion program to avoid jail time.

Daniele Watts
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Though hardly a celebrity, the "Django Unchained" actress caused a celeb-sized controversy last year when she and her boyfriend were detained by the LAPD in response to a citizen complaint of indecent exposure. Watts did not cooperate with the police and suggested later that she was racially profiled. However, audio of the incident made it pretty clear that Watts was out of line, and her and her boyfriend recently pleaded no contest to disturbing the peace and Watts has agreed to apologize.

Mel Gibson
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Lots of celebrities - Lindsay Lohan mostly on repeat - have been busted for DUIs in past years, but the case of anti-semitic Mel Gibson rules over all after the "Payback" actor was detained for drunk driving on California's Pacific Coast Highway in 2006. When the officer failed to cuff Gibson, he ran for his car before getting subdued and breaking into a filthy racist tirade to the police officer with anti-semitic comments and general "You motherf***er, I'm going to f**k you" comments.

Eddie Murphy
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As a bonus, we'd like to honor one of our favorite celebrity fathers who was pulled over with a cross-dressing prostitute in his car in 1997. Murphy was not arrested, but the transvestite had a few outstanding warrants, which warranted an arrest. Murphy then drove off. That's what happens in L.A. when you do three "Beverly Hills Cop" films.

 

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The 17 Worst Company Logos Ever Conceived

May 27, 2015, 2:12 am

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As somebody who worked at an ad agency for years, let me say that there is absolutely no excuse for the release of poorly done, overtly sexual graphics for businesses that don't deal in sex. Logos, like commercials, billboards, magazine ads, etc. must go through several hands and approval processes before the final product is presented to the client. So, with that being the case, it can only be assumed that some of these logos were intended to be at least somewhat sexual, because - well, just look at them.

Sun Rise Sushi
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According to the not-always-reliable Internet, this logo was intended to represent a sun rising behind a Japanese tea house for a restaurant aptly named Sun Rise Sushi. However, other websites claim it was for the Brazilian Institute of Oriental Studies. All in all, we don't really care what this design was intended for because to us, it looks like a whole lot of butt stuff.

The Computer Doctors
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The computer doctors "make computers work for you." Indeed, but it seems like they give a mighty good handy as well.

The Catholic Church's Archdiocesan Youth Commission
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This revealing graphic was once the logo for a commission intended to build upon the priest/youth (alter boy?) relationship back in 1973. Foreshadowing? Evidently, yes.

Locum
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At first glance, you might assume this logo was intended for the lovely porn stars of America, but this logo was actually designed for a Swedish property management company called Locum. The heart replaced the "o" and, with that switch, came a very provocative logo that had little to do with managing one's real estate.

A-Style
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For some inexplicable reason A-Style's logo was created before the company was conceived. Eventually, the logo's obscurity was covered by a number of noteworthy publications, and t-shirts were produced as a result. It is now a formidable clothing line, believe it or not.

Vermont Maple Syrup
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Not only is the "of" italicized for no good reason, but who in the Hell couldn't see that, by adding a phallic faucet leaking into a bucket, Vermont looks a lot like a man urinating.

Mama's Baking
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Mama's baking alright - with a whole lot of yeast.

Kid's Exchange
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This brand's mishap displays the importance of grammar. You can't tell me by reading this letter-heavy logo that you didn't initially read something far more bizarre.

Arlington Pediatric Center
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Nothing says your child is being treated properly more than an adult figure trying to engage in oral sex with a minor.

Islamic Understanding Institute
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I'll admit this could be seen as a stretch if it weren't for the addition of architectural nipples. But there they are.

Loelia Massage Studio
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It's usually pretty easy to spot a massage parlor that graciously provides happy endings. (Look for crumbling architecture, a dark yet glowing lobby, and employees who speak broken - no, shattered - English.) With Loelia, however, you're answer's pretty much in the logo. (This place is in Houston, if you're interested.)

Sport Beans
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I get this one: a stupid logo for a stupid product.

Chimpanzee Breeding Centre
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While it's probably difficult to create a logo for a breeding centre that doesn't look overtly sexual, a chimpanzee giving a much younger chimp a tap on the ass could have easily been avoided.

Billy Boy Energy Drinks
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This is what I mean by being intentional. How can this not be a penis?

Family Bathroom
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I don't have kids, but I figured family bathrooms were intended for changing diapers and stuff, not for whatever is going on here.

Technology Driven Transactions
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This one isn't sexual, but how in the Hell does this have anything to do with technology driven transactions? Is the door a metaphor for something?

Golden Stream
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The logo is totally fine, but naming your a food company "Golden Stream" is asking for trouble.

 

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The 10 Strangest Gangs In The World

May 27, 2015, 3:50 am

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We all know that the big street gangs - the Bloods, the Crips, the Latin Kings - aren't anything to joke about. These massive criminal syndicates wield huge amounts of power through the judicious application of violence and intimidation. But for every huge gang, there are hundreds of smaller ones that are just trying to make their way in the world. And to stand out, you need a gimmick. These ten groups definitely deliver on that front - from violent Japanese schoolgirls to murderous juggalos, these are the strangest gangs in the world.

Kanto Women Delinquent Alliance
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Japan has a rich and vibrant gang culture that goes back half a century or more. We all know about the famous Yakuza, but what happens when you mix them with the much-fetishized Japanese schoolgirl uniform? You get sukeban, a delinquent subculture of glue-sniffing girl gangs, the most famous of which was the Kanto Women Delinquent Alliance. This horde of 20,000 young women rampaged across Tokyo in the 1970s, brawling with other gangs, shoplifting and committing other petty crimes. Their preferred weapons were chains and straight razors. (Photo Credit: Listverse)

The Check It
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Washington D.C. is the nation's capitol, but it's also a hotbed of street violence, with multiple gangs vying for superiority. One of the most unusual in Chocolate City is The Check It, the only criminal organization in America made up exclusively of LGBTQ people. Founded in the rough-and-tumble Trinidad neighborhood, the group came together to protect each other from violence, but their tactics aren't all defensive. Local police have booked the gang on numerous occasions. They're currently trying to go straight and release a clothing line. (Photo Credit: Youtube)

The Molasses Gang
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Let's head back in time to the 1870s, when the streets of New York were wild with organized and disorganized crime. One of the most ridiculous criminal groups plying their trade in the Big Apple was the Molasses Gang, who got their name from a particularly ballsy style of robbery. They would head into a grocery store and ask the proprietor to fill a hat with molasses to settle a bet. When the hat was full of the sticky goop, the gangsters would jam it down on the shopkeeper's head and then steal everything that wasn't nailed down while he struggled to remove it. It was ridiculous, but it worked. (Photo Credit: Marshall via Flickr CC)

The Pregnant Shoplifting Gang
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China is a rough place, with people doing everything they can to survive. Unsurprisingly, there are a number of powerful criminal groups. And then there's the gang of 46 women who got busted in Quianjiang in 2011. The loosely-organized collective of female shoplifters had one thing in common: they were all pregnant. Police officers in China will not take a woman into custody if she is with child or lactating, so they took advantage of this loophole in the law to rob local businesses blind for several years. Police eventually decided that this needed to end and rounded them all up at once. (Photo Credit: Augie Schwer via Flickr CC)

Juggalo Killers
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Before our comments section fills up with angry Insane Clown Posse fans, no, we don't believe that every Juggalo is a gang member. But the FBI has estimated that approximately 10% to 15% of Juggalos are also criminals, and many have assembled themselves into gangs. One of the most notorious is the Juggalo Killers, operating out of Utah. In 2010, the Killers made themselves known to local law enforcement by attacking a non-gang affiliated Juggalette and carving the letters "JK" in her chest as a warning that they wanted to be the only ICP-related group in the area. (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

The Pink Gang
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Many street gangs don't get together in the pursuit of material wealth. Some form to take the law into their own hands and handle things that local police won't touch. Case in point, the "Gulabi Gang" (also known as the "Pink Gang") of northern India. This group is made up of older women who have been victims of domestic violence, which India has a large problem with. Dressed in pink saris, they respond to reports of abusive husbands by invading their homes and beating the men with bamboo poles. They've also fought against arranged child marriages, extortionate politicians and other scumbags. The gang members are facing multiple charges of rioting and obstruction of justice. (Photo Credit: Gulabi Gang)

Twelve O'Clock Boyz
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Biker gangs are in the news right now after the massacre at Waco, but not all of them consist of grizzled white guys on Harleys. Meet the Twelve O'Clock Boyz, Baltimore's wild-riding dirt bike gang who exist in a bizarre neutral zone. Here's the thing: dirt bikes are illegal to ride on the streets in Charm City, but police are also prohibited from engaging in pursuit of bike riders. So the Boyz have what is essentially free reign over city streets, provided they don't wipe out. What do they do with that freedom? Mostly wheelie competitions - 12 O'Clock refers to the vertical position of a bike in a perfect wheelie. (Photo Credit: 12 O'clock Boys)

Kabukimono
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Let's head back to 16^th century Japan for a gang that's one of the strangest in history. During the end of the Muromachi era, groups of samurai who had nothing to do during peacetime started to organize into gangs called "kabukimono," which translates loosely as "the crazy ones." They would dress in flamboyant clothing, including women's kimonos, and style their long hair in a variety of bizarre fashions. Their criminal activities were brawling with rival gangs in the streets, stealing food and money from villagers and holding all-night dance parties. (Photo Credit: Wikimedia Commons)

The Notorious Nipple Gang
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Travelers from around the world flock to Thailand for their notoriously lax prostitution laws, but where there's vice, there are gangs looking to capitalize on it. In 2012, reports started to circulate of an organized group of hookers that were employing a devious method to rob their johns. Dubbed the "Notorious Nipple Gang," these ladies of the night were using Rohypnol to knock out customers and draining their wallets. How did they get the drug into their customers? Well, aside from putting it in a drink, they would also smear it on their nipples and get the johns to suck on them. (Photo Credit: Hannes.a.schwetz via Flickr CC)

The Wonderlanders
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When you think "hotbed of gang activity," Disneyland isn't really the first place that comes to mind. And, let's be honest here, the gangs of Disneyland aren't really going to be fighting the Crips for crack corners at any time in the near future. But on your next visit to the Magic Kingdom, keep your eye out for roving groups of people dressed in identical outfits - typically denim or leather vests with patches on the back. The Wonderlanders are just one of many "social clubs" that bring Sons of Anarchy to Fantasyland. Although they're mostly well-behaved, some parkgoers complain that gang members jump lines, smoke weed and generally ruin the fun for the rest of the guests. (Photo Credit: The main street mouse)

 

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Pizza Party Thrown For Passengers On Delayed Flight

May 27, 2015, 3:59 am

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Like the DMV, it's tough finding people that aren't angry at something at the airport, but a pilot and crew at Delta decided to make people on a delayed flight a little less angry by ordering them pizza, because if there is one thing that makes people happy it's food...free food...free pizza.

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Due to bad weather conditions, a flight that was scheduled to fly from Philadelphia to Atlanta had to be diverted to Tennessee and remain on the runway, so in order to keep the annoyed passengers from yelling "Attica," and competing to become the worst passengers ever, boxes of pizza were delivered to the plane. And it looks like it wasn't Little Caesars, so all was still well.

We are sitting on a runway stuck on a @Delta flight because of weather. So they're throwing us a pizza party! pic.twitter.com/QO0ntZvs4I

- Riley Vasquez (@RileyVasquez) May 26, 2015

The flight to Atlanta weren't the only ones that were given pizza as other flights that were delayed also got to snack on them. Pizza parties were even held in the terminal, which brings me back to my elementary school days where a pizza party was our reward for reading a full book.

Delta flight is late from MSP to BUF so what do you do... Pizza party at gate C8 #DeltaAirlines Thanks pic.twitter.com/E8Dt1eg6EA

- Nick Thielen (@nick_thielen) May 26, 2015

What makes a few hour delay of your night flight better? Free pizza! Thanks @delta #MLItoATL #pizza

A photo posted by Jill (@jill_hohnecker) on May 26, 2015 at 4:03pm PDT

Airlines usually get a bad rap for making our lives hell, but it's nice to hear that some of them still aim to make us happy and comfortable like the little in-flight video that I always ignore says.

Via The Ladbible

 

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QUIZ: EDM DJ or Urban Dictionary Sex Act?

May 27, 2015, 4:50 am

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Russian Man Gets Butt Kicked By Waitress After Grabbing Her Butt

May 27, 2015, 5:58 am

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We're not sure what this clown ordered from the bar, but it sure as hell wasn't a hint.

According to HelloU, some dude who thought he was the Russian Casanova recently learned the hard way that he was not.

Luckily for us, the entire episode was caught on video. And because it's from Russia, we have the pleasure of watching it in sepia.


The life lesson started when a waitress brought the man his bill. But instead of putting his money inside the waitress's wallet, the man tried to deposit it somewhere inside her blouse. The waitress was having none of it, and she gave him a nice little jolt before walking away in disgust.

Naturally, the dude took this as an invitation to grab her ass, and again, the waitress answered it with a shot to his grill, which to anybody else would have served as a pretty solid cue that he should take his perv actions elsewhere. But this guy decided to give it another try, and thankfully, the waitress made sure that's where it ended.

And just in case you forgot the video came from Russia, the group of guys rushing to make sure the dude was OK instead of the waitress served as a nice little reminder.

It's also not wise to hit on a boxer's wife: Watch This Pro Boxer Beat The Crap Out Of A Bunch Of Thugs Who Messed With His Wife

 

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Oregon Man Mocks Marijuana Ordinance With Letter Asking to Ban Fart Smells

May 27, 2015, 6:58 am

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Hey, even those who hate weed would probably prefer the smell of herb over their Uncle Floyd's farts.

According to the East Oregonian, a Pendleton man recently wrote a letter to the newspaper in response to the city's decision to fine marijuana smokers up to $500 if somebody complains about the stench they leave behind despite the fact that smoking pot will be legal in the state of Oregon beginning in July.

And it's probably the funniest thing we've ever read.

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Going by the name of Peter Walters, the man begged the city council to take the next step and ban fart smells. Here's his plea:

"Now that this important work has been completed, I hope that the city council will move on to restricting the other offensive smell that plagues our community: farts.

While farting my be legal in Oregon, many (including myself) are offended by the flatulent stench. Too often, homeowners and businesses fail to contain farts to their property, forcing the rest of us to put up with the smell. Some habitual farmers argue that they need to fart for medical reasons, but that doesn't mean my kids should have to smell their farts.

This issue greatly affects me as I have a roommate whose recreational farting has been negatively affecting my quality of life for several months now."

While it probably won't win a Pulitzer, you have to think that Walters' letter does make him the frontrunner for this year's High Times' "Stoner of the Year."

Everything you need to know about farts: 12 Very Interesting Facts About Farts

 

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Indiana Man Chokes Fiancée During NASCAR vs. IndyCar Argument

May 27, 2015, 7:22 am

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Move over, Florida Man. There's a new sheriff in town.

According to FOX 59, a 57-year-old Franklin man was arrested Sunday night after he allegedly choked his fiancée because he heard her "talking trash" about NASCAR.

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David Wilson's fiancée told police that she had gone to the living room to listen to the Indianapolis 500 after the two of them spent most of the day...wait for it...drinking heavily. She said Wilson was in the kitchen making dinner when he "started rambling on about NASCAR being better than IndyCar." He then made his way to the living room and choked her.

She called 911, but Wilson grabbed the phone and told the operator that everything was fine before he hung up.

When officers arrived on the scene, Wilson said he confronted his fiancée, but he never choked her. He added that while her love of IndyCar had made him upset, it was also that fact that "no one would help him with the household chores" that had him fuming.

Police weren't buying it, and Wilson was charged with domestic battery and strangulation. No word if the judge at his upcoming court appearance will be the same one presiding over his wedding.

They would probably both agree that any form of racing is better than soccer: NASCAR Fan Chews Out Neighbor Watching World Cup Instead of Race

 

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