15 Bizarre TV Show Fan Theories That Will Change the Way You Watch Them

June 3, 2015, 3:50 am

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Fan theories are generally pretty out there. As such, we debated whether to present you with ten very convincing ones from around the Internet and expand upon them ad nauseum, or simply throw 15 at you rapid fire and leave the subtle little details and plot holes for you to ponder on your own. In the end, we chose the latter, as why go to great lengths trying to persuade you on theories that ultimately go nowhere when they likely weren't intentional from the creators' standpoint in the first place? That said, they're still going to screw with your head pretty badly the next time you sit down to watch any of the following television series. (h/t FanTheories)

Each "Rick and Morty" episode centers on a different Rick and Morty.

It's been established on the series that there are multiple Ricks and Mortys from infinite parallel universes. The fan theory goes that, except where specifically noted, each episode is actually focused on a different set of them.

Zack Morris from "Saved by the Bell" was a delusional loser.

"Saved by the Bell" is a spin-off of a Disney Channel show called "Good Morning, Miss Bliss." It was set in Indiana rather than California and starred many of the same characters including Zack Morris, Screech and Mr. Belding. The big difference was that on GMMB, Zack was quite unpopular, with friends who constantly humiliated him. The working theory on SBTB is that it's actually the delusional fantasy of the sad version of Zack. Yeah, we know, pretty bleak stuff.

"The Simpsons" has been Homer's fantasy since Season 4.

Considering "The Simpsons" is headed into an unprecedented one-millionth season at this point, there are actually quite a few fan theories on the show including why they never age and who actually shot Mr. Burns. But a recent headline-making speculation regarding America's favorite family surmises that ever since the Season 4 episode "So It's Come to This: A Simpsons Clip Show," Homer has been in a coma and has been dreaming the rest of the series. This accounts for why the series' plot lines has gotten zanier and less realistic since then.

"Rugrats" were just a bunch of imaginary dead babies.

We should mention at this point that you're going to see a lot of "it's all in their head" speculation on this list. Don't dwell on it. It's one of the most popular as far as fan theories go. With that out of the way, "Rugrats" is popularly believed to be a figment of Angelica's imagination. Tommy was a stillborn, Chuckie died along with his mother and twins Phil and Lil were aborted and Angelica never knew if the baby was a boy or girl, so she chose both. That's pretty messed up, right? People actually watch cartoons and think of this stuff.

Jessica Fletcher of "Murder, She Wrote" was the real killer.

Taking place in a small Maine town and centering on a professional writer turned amateur detective, the fact that the small fictional town of Cabot Cove had a higher murder rate than Honduras at 1,490 per million proves that something fishier was likely going on than just an elderly widow stumbling upon every murder in town each week by complete chance.

"Scooby Doo, Where Are You?" was set during a post-economic depression.

This would explain why everyone who turns out to be the bad guy is generally of a respected social position, having fallen on hard times and willing to do anything to stay afloat.

"The Walking Dead" Seasons 1 through 3 are "Toy Story" 1 through 3.

We simply don't have room to get into all the fine details here, but please check out this very convincing video which collects all the subtle similarities between these two tales of a sheriff and his boy.

Dr. Claw was Inspector Gadget.

Well, sort of. Many fans say that Dr. Claw was originally the true Inspector Gadget, but when he was believed to be killed, he was replaced by a robot clone (the Inspector Gadget of the entire series). When the real Inspector turned out not to be dead, he snapped, vowing vengeance on the imposter.

"Gilligan's Island" is Hell.

That's right. And each cast member represents one of the Seven Deadly Sins: Ginger is lust, The Skipper pulls double duty with his gluttony and wrath, Mr. Howell is clearly greedy, with his wife representing sloth, Mary Ann envies Ginger, and The Professor radiates pride. In case you lost count, that makes the guy in the red shirt and bucket hat Satan himself.

"SpongeBob SquarePants" and crew are a bunch of mutants.

Speaking of shows with characters many have concluded represent the Seven Deadly Sins, there is an even crazier theory on "SpongeBob SquarePants" than that. It states that Bikini Bottom sits underneath Bikini Atoll, which was the site of a bunch of nuclear testing between 1946 and 1958. Hey, we'll take this over what some say SpongeBob actually represents.

The Count rules "Sesame Street" and feeds on the innocent.

If you really feel like ruining your childhood, perhaps this theory is right up your alley (even though it's completely ludicrous). The fact that the same children never appear in more than a few episodes but the adults rarely change has lead some to jump to the conclusion that the very out of place Count von Count has made the adults his slaves while he feasts on the blood of the young residents of "Sesame Street," keeping him youthful and vibrant forever. See, we told you it was stupid.

"The Flintstones" and "The Jetsons" take place during the same time period.

"...A page right out of history" our asses. It's far more likely that those in "The Jetsons" quadrant of space are the higher class members of a future society which has left those unwilling to adapt to modern technology (Bedrock) below, right? Essentially, it's the movie "Elysium" made over 50 years ago. Makes total sense.

"Doogie Howser, M.D." grew up to be "House M.D."

You can't argue that their names are similar. But that's about all this fan theory has to go on.

Similarly, the children from "The Magic School Bus" grew up to be The Planeteers from "Captain Planet."

Again, this one pretty much speaks for itself.

Most TV shows exist inside the '80s medical drama "St. Elsewhere."

Something to that effect, at least. "St. Elsewhere" came to an end in 1988 with a series finale which seriously pissed off fans. It suggested that the entire show was created inside the mind of Tommy Westphall, a young autistic character. Backers of "The "Tommy Westphall Universe Hypothesis" take this concept a step further by linking any series that ever had a direct or indirect crossover with "St. Elsewhere" to a shared universe. Which means that 375 shows and counting including "Breaking Bad," "Dr. Who" and "Seinfeld" only exist inside young Tommy's head, as well. Trippy.

 

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DC Cab Driver Takes Woman to Wrong Location Then Asks for Oral Sex

June 3, 2015, 4:31 am

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Sorry man, that's not how it works outside of the porn industry.

According to the Washington Post, a woman who hailed a taxicab in Washington, D.C. early Saturday morning was driven to Fairfax County and then asked by the driver to perform oral sex on him.


The woman told police that after she informed the driver he wasn't even close to where she asked him to take her, he gave her an ultimatum: Either give him a blow job or get out of his cab.

She got out of his cab.

Police said the woman called them from the side of a residential road in McLean where the cabbie left her just before 3 a.m. Unfortunately for everybody except the cab driver, the woman could not remember the taxi's license plate number or the name of the company that owned the vehicle, so odds are the perv will never be apprehended.

Well, unless he is stupid enough to try it again.

​Here are 10 reasons why the cabbie should have just gone home and masturbated: 10 Surprising Health Benefits of Routinely Rubbing One Out

 

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Graduating Student Gets Stone Cold Stunner On Stage

June 3, 2015, 4:47 am

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Throwing middle fingers at authority figures, cursing and dousing yourself in beer is what college is usually about, so it must have been nice to complete a college career at the University of Miami this fittingly, by raising your championship belt in the air only to get a Stone Cold Stunner.

If you want to go back to college because adulthood is terrifying give me a hell yeah.



Via UpRoxx

 

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A Florida Woman Bit and Beat Up Her Boyfriend Because He Wouldn't Cuddle With Her

June 3, 2015, 4:50 am

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Geez, it sounds like somebody needs to get this woman a teddy bear.

According to The Smoking Gun, a 39-year-old woman was arrested for domestic battery last week after she bit, scratched and beat her boyfriend when he refused to cuddle with her at his Vero Beach home.


Danielle Houle told police she had been drinking and could not recall the events of May 25, but her boyfriend Jacob Burns sure as hell could. He told police that after he rejected Houle's attempts to kiss and cuddle with him, she bit his arm and beat the piss out of him.

An officer who arrived on the scene said he saw "dried blood on the collar of Burns' shirt, scratches on the back of his neck and top of his head and a large bite mark on his upper left arm, which was red, yellow and bruised."

Houle was arrested and had to spend one day in the clink before somebody came up with the $1,000 that was needed to get her out. Although, after spending five years in jail for felony DUI, this stint should have been a walk in the park for her.

Luckily for Burns, it never got to this point: Oklahoma Woman Tries to Bite Off Boyfriend's Penis

 

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The 10 Worst Music Videos Released by Legitimate Recording Artists

June 3, 2015, 5:01 am

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Before you fly off the handle, we don't consider celebrities like Paris Hilton or David Hasselhoff legitimate recording artists no matter how hard they try, so that at least narrows this list down a bit. Still, picking just 10 music videos to qualify as THE worst was no easy task, so please let us know what other travesties you feel should have made the cut. And don't worry, while we could only choose so many, we tried to reference as many more crappy videos along the way as possible.

Smash Mouth - All Star

Not since the Beach Boys' "Kokomo" has there been such a shameless plug for a movie peppered into a music video. Shoehorning clips from "Mystery Men" into the mix and trying to salvage them into a new, separate plot involving the lead singer of Smash Mouth being a better hero than them (or at least we think that's what is supposed to be going on) isn't helping matters. If the actual actors involved with the movie didn't want to appear in the video promoting it, then why do it at all? And let's not even get into the terrible body doubles used in their places in certain scenes. Or Dane Cook. What a mess.

David Bowie & Mick Jagger - Dancing In The Street

Unintentionally extremely homoerotic only begins to describe this trainwreck of a music video that by all estimates should have been nothing short of amazing. For starters, for a song titled "Dancing in the Street," most of the wild gyration going on doesn't appear to have been remotely choreographed beforehand. It's as if whoever filmed this embarrassment simply told the talent to "do your thing" with the presumption of "what's the worst that could happen?" Unfortunately, they got their answer in just under a three-minute video which (we still can't figure out why) ends in a close-up freeze frame of both aging rockers bony asses. We suppose it does sum up what you just had to sit through pretty perfectly, though.

Nickelback - Trying Not to Love You

When it comes to Nickelback, it's not a question of whether or not one of their music videos should be included on a "worst" list, it's which one? Do we go with "Photograph," which presents itself all too literally from the very first line, or "Rockstar" and its unhealthy fascination with Chuck Liddell even though there were a bevy of beautiful celebrity women who could have been featured way more? In the end, we had to pick "Trying Not to Love You" because you can tell it was a legitimate attempt to be funny that tanked miserably. Not even the ageless beauty of Brooke Burns could save it. But hey, it could have been worse. The video could have just featured one slow walking shot of Chad Kroeger singing the entire time. But come on, what band would be audacious enough to think that would actually pass as entertainment?

Coldplay - Yellow

The only video on this list we can legitimately say is more boring than watching the sun rise, it's a pretty bold move to center an entire four and and a half minutes on a guy walking and singing. A least James Blunt's equally terrible video for "You're Beautiful" built to him jumping off a cliff at the end. All we're saying is jazz it up a little bit. But, you know, be smart about it. Kind of like how our next video wasn't.

Huey Lewis and The News - Hip to Be Square

You can't blame a band for trying something new, but you can blame them for releasing it as a legitimate music video. Had it simply started off as frantic, shaky closeup and eventually turned to wide shots of the band performing, we'd probably be fine with that. It wouldn't exactly be innovative, but at least we wouldn't have a monster headache after watching it. Heck, we'd go as far as to say that a closeup shot of Huey Lewis' face for the entire duration of the music video would have been better, but Alanis Morissette already proved us wrong there.

Eiffel 65 - Blue (Da Ba Dee)

The least legitimate of the legitimate recording artists on this list, Eiffel 65 got lucky that their song "Blue" became a sensation in the first place. Again, we would like to point out that the picture above is an actual freeze frame from the music video. They must have been pretty frugal with the money they made on there one hit wonder, because they released this music video resembling a high school computer graphics assignment as its visual representation. At least the complexity of the lyrics match the quality. The fight sequences are top notch, as well, rivaled only by perhaps Sisqo's "Unleash the Dragon," which narrowly avoided it's own separate spot on this list.

Kanye West - Bound 2

This was a no-brainer. When a video is so ridiculously self-indulgent that other celebrities parody it within a week of its release, it's kind of hard not to consider it one of the worst ever. Seriously, why does Kanye West need to keep flaunting a nude Kim Kardashian in front of us to prove how hot she is? We've all seen her naked already. On many separate occasions. Congratulations, dude. You bagged her. But please, keep rubbing it in our faces like we are supposed to care. It gets more comically pathetic every time.

Survivor - Eye of the Tiger

Survivor's classic "Rocky III" anthem would surely have a music video to match, right? That's what we assumed, anyways, until actually watching it for the first time. While it starts out promising enough, with the band members walking in unison on their way to what we can only assume to be a badass street brawl, it quickly devolves into the equivalent of moist garbage. Seriously, we pretty sure the whole second half is just the band singing their most famous song inside of a wet trash bag.

Joss Stone - Baby Baby Baby

Shot in a manner that resembles an Ashley Madison commercial rather than a music video, we can't comprehend how Joss Stone greenlit this travesty. The video itself is cliché and unfunny as is, but whatever filter was used makes the whole thing look like a late night phone sex ad. Maybe if the Village People had access to her director back in the '80s, their video for "Sex Over the Phone," which was supposed to have a similar vibe, would have worked much better.

LMFAO - Sexy and I Know It

Call us crazy, but when anything features Wilmer Valderrama outside of "That '70s Show," we know it's going to be a steaming pile of puke. We mentioned it briefly in our Nickelback write-up, but there are no worse music videos than those which take their concept and brutally beat you over the head with it (right Bloodhound Gang?). The icing on this painfully unfunny cake is how little the celebrity cameos contribute to it. It reminds us of a similar video involving the King of Pop which came off equally egotistical. "Look at all my celebrity friends!" Luckily, Jacko's version was saved at the very end by one of the worst line deliveries of all-time. We wish we could say the same for LMFAO. Just kidding. We don't.

 

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Is This the World's Smallest Bikini?

June 3, 2015, 7:18 am

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Or have you seen smaller?


It's hard to imagine bikinis getting any smaller than this, but if there's one thing we've learned, it's that women can be very creative when it comes to looking even sexier. For instance, a quick trip to CVS and you can rock this Amber Rose look. Incredible.

via Playboy

 

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You Can Apparently Buy Eva Braun's Panties for $7,500

June 3, 2015, 8:24 am

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By the looks of things, Adolf Hitler had a thing for women with big booties.

According to UPI, if you have $7,500 and are looking for a solid addition to your antique panties collection, then one store in Ohio has just the thing for you.


The owner of Mantiques in Elmore, Ohio said he set the "firm" price of $7,500 for Braun's soft, French silk panties because it would make for "a good conversation piece," adding that she had "impeccable taste in underthings."

"They're first rate," Ernie Scarango said. "The fabric, embroidery and monogramming, the sewing of the button."

Scarango said he bought Braun's panties from a retired U.S. Air Force Major who said it was just one of "20 to 30 pairs" of Braun's panties that he purchased from another guy.

Maybe it's just us, but the whole story of, "I got it from this guy who bought them from this guy," sounds a bit shoddy. Perhaps the only way to make sure those panties belonged to Braun is to hope that they weren't washed after the last time she wore them and then some kind of DNA test could be done on them.

But that would be gross.

Sadly, Braun's granny panties are all the rage right now: Granny Panties Are Making A Comeback

 

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Melissa Howe Featured in This Month's Prototype Magazine

June 3, 2015, 8:55 am

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Melissa Howe, one-half of the super sexy Howe Twins, will be featured in the upcoming issue of Prototype Magazine. The British Playboy model also did a mini-interview to accompany her shoot, so take a look at her answers below to get to know more about her. For instance, did you know that one of Melissa Howe's biggest turn-ons is Tom Ford Cologne? You do now, and we won't fault you for buying a bottle immediately.

For even more hot photos of Melissa, be sure to follow her on Instagram, as well.

 

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Sabina Gadecki Deserves Her Own 'Entourage'

June 3, 2015, 4:36 pm

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Today's Funny Photos

June 4, 2015, 12:11 am

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Animals Begging You To Share Your Food

June 4, 2015, 12:52 am

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We've all begged for food, mainly begging a waitress to bring your food or sitting near the fridge, hugging your knees and hoping food to appear inside, but it's quite another thing for animals to beg you to share some of your food. Check out some of these poor, desperate animals.





































Via Pleated-Jeans

 

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The 10 Greatest Film Trilogies

June 4, 2015, 1:51 am

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Just because three films rolled out with the same pretty faces make a boatload of cash doesn't make them one of the great film trilogies of all time. My arbitrary trilogy meter is well calibrated and on point, which you will notice most once you see the final bonus entry. For all the movie lovers out there who didn't get enough after one - even two - of their favorite franchises getting recycled, here are the greatest film trilogies in history, according to yours truly. And no, you won't get "Meet the Parents" because they Focker'ed the third one up, just as "Spider-Man," "X-Men" and "Pirates of the Caribbean" did.

The Godfather

Worldwide Box Office: $392 million
Though Don Corleone (Marlon Brando) got his start in 1972, it wasn't until 1990 that Michael Corleone (Al Pachino) closed the franchise. The story of the mob, Italians, lineage, deceit and the corruptness of power is all loaded inside Francis Ford Coppola's trilogy, which stands as one of the most classic trilogies of film history. Now go watch it for three days.

Toy Story

Worldwide Box Office: $1.96 billion
Beginning in 1995, continuing into 1999 and finally getting its third hit in 2010, the lovable Pixar story of toys (voiced famously by Tom Hanks, Tim Allen and company) and a little boy was a progressively growing improved as it went along. Its third installation did so well - more than twice the numbers of the first two - that a fourth has been green-lit for 2017.

The Matrix

Worldwide Box Office: $1.63 billion
It took Keanu Reeves a whole movie to find out he was The One, but it only took one trilogy filled heavily with CGI and acrobats for him to defeat an army of agents whilst flying in the rain. Starting in 1999, the trilogy closed with more action-reliant sequels, both premiering in the same year (2003), the second - "The Matrix Reloaded" - performing nearly twice as well as the third, "The Matrix Revolutions."

The Dark Knight

Worldwide Box Office: $2.46 billion
What started as a hike up a cool hill in 2005 quickly led Christian Bale's Bruce Wayne from criminal to thick-suited hero in "Batman Begins" before reaching his arch-nemesis, The Joker, in 2008's "The Dark Knight." That sequel was so strong - Heath did his dramatic exit, too - that the conclusion to the saga lacked in plot lines and interesting characters, but still managed a strong box office finish in 2012.

The Lord of the Rings

Worldwide Box Office: $2.92 billion
Peter Jackson started off with a Bilbo Baggins bang in 2001 with "Fellowship of the Ring," which quickly demanded Frodo and the fellas to return for a sequel in 2002, "The Two Towers." With growing numbers, the finale, "Return of the King," which featured a devastatingly long ending wrapped the trilogy in 2003 with its highest numbers, more than a billion dollars worldwide that winter.

The Hobbit

Worldwide Box Office: $2.93 billion
Continuing on with "The Hobbit" book adaptation, Peter Jackson returned with many of the same characters in a quick trilogy release beginning in 2012 and ending in 2014, just barely surpassing his preceding trilogy in the box office. And yet, no one really seemed to give a damn, perhaps due to the lack of anticipation in its premature quick release, as each film performed progressively worse than its predecessor, despite receiving progressively higher budgets.

Jurassic Park

Worldwide Box Office: $2.02 billion
We have just enough time to slide in this trilogy before the fourth, "Jurassic World" is on the loose as one of the summer's biggest blockbuster sequels. The unique adventures of the dino park built for your amusement while its guests run for their lives began its creation in 1993 with the Spielberg silver screen adaption of Michael Crichton's 1990 "Jurassic Park" thriller novel. The response was so enormous that Spielberg was green lit the book's sequel for a 1997 sequel of his own.

The studio got carried away and put their T-Rex-sized foot in it with a brief third ride in the park - minus Spielberg - in 2001, which was a far cry from the original in the box office but still delivered loads of action (and pterodactyls). "Jurassic World" is set as a non-adaptation sequel to the original film, starring Chris Pratt and releasing June 12.

Back to the Future

Worldwide Box Office: $960 million
Marty McFly (Michael J. Fox) took flight with help of Doc Brown (Christopher Lloyd) in the Robert Zemeckis creation in 1985 running on a modest $19 million budget. The '80s classic flew back for a sequel in 1989, which topped its original numbers, thanks to a little boost in story and budget, but its spirited third release came quickly in 1990 without as much gusto. Although the films may be hard to tell apart, if you see them on TV, it's always the third one.

The Bourne Identity (Matt Damon)

Worldwide Box Office: $900 million
The retrieval of man lost at sea quickly blossoms into a man finding himself bit by bit in the Matt Damon led Jason Bourne trilogy, beginning in 2002, based on the Robert Ludlum movie-title novel. Bourne regains his memories slowly after being left for dead, putting the puzzle together while on the run in a hand-to-hand combat thriller that ended with his escape from death - yet again - in "The Bourne Ultimatum" in 2007.

Each film in the Bourne saga performed before than the last, especially its finale toppling all of the numbers by nearly double. That was, until Jeremy Renner took over for a reboot of sorts to the franchise. Damon is rumored to be returning for the fifth installment, however, in 2016.

Star Wars: IV-VI

Worldwide Box Office: $1.79 billion
The original George Lucas trilogy might've made less than the prequel trilogy ($2.53 billion), but the original ran on solid characters, originality, smaller budget - $11 million for the first! - and premiered far ahead of the curve. Despite people's excitement to see the origin of Darth Vader in the prequels, the storylines and impressive use of special effects in a pre-CGI era are incomparable. In relative terms, Harrison Ford's Han Solo triplet premiered not too long after "The Godfather" and its sequel, yet "Star Wars" pulled in nearly three times the box office revenue in a trilogy standoff. Its big 2015 film that will begin the trilogy of a trilogy is set for December.

Honorable Mention: The Mighty Ducks

Worldwide Box Office: $119 million
What would be a trilogy rant without a little - quack! quack! quack! - Gordon Bombay and his Mighty Ducks? Emilio Estevez debuted the franchise in 1992 as an out-of-control attorney sentenced to community service of his former childhood pee wee league. The series grew into one of the most beloved live action trilogies in the Disney kingdom. You wouldn't have gotten Pacey in your daily dose of "Dawson's Creek" had Joshua Jackson not gotten his start in the pee wees.

 

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The 25 Cruelest Bathroom Pranks Sure to Piss Anyone Off

June 4, 2015, 2:00 am

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Pranking has become even more of a sensation in recent years because when done right (and recorded), it can go viral in a heartbeat. No doubt the most infuriating pranks involve the bathroom, as not only are you in the one place you thought you were safe, but it happens to be the most unsanitary of all spots, inconveniencing you even more. We probably shouldn't be posting this gallery of all the worst bathroom pranks imaginable, but the way we see it, at least now we are giving people on the receiving end a sporting chance to see these tricks coming. Here are 25 cruel, yet hilarious, bathroom pranks.

The "Wait For It..."


Untapped Potential


Fire in the Hole

When throwing cold water on someone doesn't cut it.

The Numb Skull


Occupied!


Never "Saw" It Coming

Jigsaw is one cold son of a bitch.

Sticky Shower


Chickey Shower


Poo Goblin

That's what this critter will be doing, too, if I can't figure out how to take this thing off.

Cut It Out


The Bad Roommate


The Borderline Crime

You be the judge.

Mind Your Pees...


...and Poos

Oh, that's nasty.

No Soap For You!

Who doesn't love a good "Seinfeld" reference?

Too Much Time (and Poop) on My Hands


The Powder Room


Saran Saran

Some gags are too classic to work every time.

Tear Me a New One


The Ol' Switcherooo


Reality Check

Elaborate? Sure, but so worth the effort.

Idiot Test


AHH! Bumbug!

OK, we admit it, we're forcing these cute nicknames now.

The Scooby Doo

We don't condone buttering the floor of a bathroom, but doesn't this guy look like a cartoon character running from the bad guy?

And of course...

The Upper Decker

Warning: Not as adorable as advertised.

 

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The Greatest Jeff Goldblum Tributes The Internet Has To Offer

June 4, 2015, 2:36 am

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Jeff Goldblum is the greatest, isn't he? If you don't like Jeff Goldblum, then GET THE HELL OUT OF MY FACE. Wow. I'm sorry. This is clearly something that I'm very passionate about. Look, I know I'm not the only one who enjoys Jeff Goldblum because there are a lot of funny Internet things devoted to the guy. Here are some of the best that we could round up.





















And speaking of that laugh, we leave you with the greatest Jeff Goldblum moment in Internet history:

 

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Guy Snaps Penis While Having Sex With Girlfriend

June 4, 2015, 2:44 am

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Having sex with the person you're in a relationship with is usually supposed to be a nice experience, but the only thing a man in Donegal, Ireland experienced was massive amounts of pain after snapping his penis while shagging.



Alan Parke and his girlfriend must have been in the midst of some very intense love making, as before Alan even knew it he had seriously injured his manhood.

"I've never known pain like it," Alan states, and even thinking about it is making me crouch over in pain. His girlfriend also made sure to tell media that it "was a while before he could even play with himself" because that's what a good girlfriend does.

Alan was rushed to the hospital were he learned he had fractured his penis, and would spend the next two months bed-bound, but not having sex. Which is horrible news for Alan.

According to Alan:

"We were just having sex, I was on the bottom and Clarissa was on top. All of a sudden I heard something snap. I've never known pain like this, it was absolutely excruciating. Clarissa was trying to calm me down because I was jumping around. It was the worst pain I've ever experienced. We went to Letterkenny General Hospital and the doctors there said it was the first time they'd ever seen anything like it."

"They sent us to Galway where I was told the penis was fractured. There's no bone in there but I was still told it was a fracture. There was blood everywhere, I couldn't control it."

Alan's penis was put in a sling, but nearly three months after this horror movie occurred, Alan says his penis is almost back in working order. Let's all give it up for Alan's penis fighting the good fight.

Via Mirror

 

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The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest Winners: Darth Vader Arm Wrestling Edition

June 4, 2015, 2:50 am

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Yesterday we asked you to use our brand new meme generator to create some hilarious memes to unleash on the Internet. There were a lot of entries, but we managed to narrow it down to 15 winners. Congratulations to the winners below. You truly understand what the Internet is all about. And to those of you that lost...oh well, there's always next week's contest!

Speaking of which, if you'd like to get a head start, you can find next week's meme right here.


Submitted by: Mike


Submitted by: Philip


Submitted by: Kyle


Submitted by: Philip


Submitted by: REW


Submitted by: Matthew


Submitted by: Philip


Submitted by: Philip


Submitted by: Buttons


Submitted by: Philip

 

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The 13 Funniest Animal Posts On Tumblr

June 4, 2015, 3:02 am

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As a grown man, sometimes I wonder if I'm spending a little bit too much time on Tumblr. Then I read the amazing captions to these animal photos, and I wonder if I'm not spending enough time on Tumblr. Enjoy this incredible collection of the best animal posts on Tumblr.

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

June 4, 2015, 3:50 am

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How To Actually Clean Your Home vs. How Guys Clean Their Home

June 4, 2015, 5:50 am

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There are two ways to clean your house; there's the correct way and there's the way guys do when they're in a hurry and just want to get it over with. Some of these may sound completely ridiculous to you, but I can guarantee that you've been in someone's house at some point that totally did at least a few of these. You may not like it, but you need to learn to accept it because it happens. Next time you're at a guy's house, check the closets. I guarantee one of them is just full of trash shoved in there with no real rhyme or reason. And for the record, lots of ladies are as bad as these bros, so don't think you're getting off innocent.

 

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The 12 Hottest Girls of 'Entourage'

June 4, 2015, 6:22 am

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With the HBO series sneaking onto Hollywood's red carpet of summer films, we thought we'd run through some of our favorite sexy girls of "Entourage" before catching Vince, E, Drama, Turtle and Ari in what could possibly be the longest episode of TV we've seen yet. Although it might not be movie of the year, these girls, as well as newcomers Emily Ratajkowski and Ronda Rousey, make the drive to the theater all worth it. Essentially, it's "Sex and the City" for men who think Hollywood is a cool place to be when really it's just the worst place to find parking. Here are our picks for the 12 hottest girls from "Entourage" leading up to the film, which hit theaters on June 3. Enjoy the popcorn.

Sofia Vergara

Before she was any kind of modern family woman, Sofia Vergara played the actress playing the love interest of Vince's passion project, "Medillion." Of course, the director - crazy Billy Walsh - wanted to bang her so much it railroaded the film.

Beau Garrett

Playing a tight spandex-wearing, cruelty-free vegan nymph, Beau Garrett was one of Vince's many girlfriends across the series' eight season span, but no woman played the butt naked role by the pool better than Beau. It still haunts our dreams in the most awesome way.

Holly Valance

The "Perfect 10" who was way too hot for E - still is - made her short but unforgettable appearance in the beach house scene, also guest starring the very sexy Jaime Pressly, early on in the series. The fact that Eric hooked up with Holly Valance, however fictional, to get over his girlfriend made us both proud and jealous with rage, that was, until we saw who he's dating now in real life, Sabina Gadecki, his co-star from the new "Entourage" film.

Jessica Alba

Our heads spin when it comes to Jessica Alba, and lucky for us, it seems she's going to be in the new film, as well. Jessica was one of the earliest guest stars on the show, throwing one of the first parties for Johnny Drama and the rest of the knuckleheads to crash. Here's another great reason to go see the film that doesn't include plot lines or unrealistic L.A. lifestyle.

Jana Kramer

Before she made it as a country singer, Jana Kramer was crushing hard on Turtle. Yeah, we agree, totally unbelievable storyline that a girl of this caliber would go for Jerry Ferrara, and he wasn't even one of those fat actors gone skinny yet! All we know is he bailed on hooking up with her, and we'll never forgive that slight of onscreen romance. But he did offer to go down on her before walking out, so that's something.

Malin Akerman

We hate E because, once again, he got to hook up with another "Entourage" hottie, but this time he got to have his first threesome with her and Sloan. Sometimes life isn't fair, but then again it's only fiction. We prefer seeing Malin in anything else - "The Heartbreak Kid," "Watchmen," "The Brothers Solomon" - anything involving her being sexy without Eric in the room.

Carla Gugino

Queen cougar Carla had her way on a few shows, but when she dropped in on "Entourage" as Amanda Daniels to give Ari a run for his gold, briefly becoming Vince's manager, that's when she got real hot. Of course, Ari wouldn't go down without a fight, but luckily we got to see her take her pants off at least once. There's a good chance Carla will be dropping in for this summer's film to upset Ari's new Head of Studio position. That, or she was at the premiere because she's smoking hot.

Autumn Reeser

After playing the lovable, "adorkable" Taylor Townsend on "The O.C.," Autumn got down and dirty as a cut-throat agent, Lizzie Grant, on "Entourage," giving Ari a headache and us a raging head throb ourselves.

Bai Ling

Her time with us on the show was short, sweet and full of sexual sorcery as Bai played Vince's martial arts tutor so he could most likely have someone else do the stunts for him in a Chinese Red Bull knockoff commercial around the time he and the boys were down and out on luck and loose change.

Scarlett Johansson

In season one, Scarlett was the big apple of Vinny's eyes, and by the first finale, it was E's rite of passage of becoming Vince's manager to hook him up with the now Avenger on their way to New York.

Samaire Armstrong

Filling in as Ari's first assistant in the first season, we're realizing that E has had romantic relationships with as many of these girls as Vince. What the hell is all that about? Samaire has gotten slowly darker with her TV roles, starting on "The OC" in its initiation, then "Entourage" and most recently the dark, somewhat horrid TV finale of "Sons of Anarchy."

Emmanuelle Chriqui

They say to save the best for last, so we did, and this vixen needs no introduction. (Spoiler ahead!) The most recurring "Entourage" hottie role goes to Emmanuelle, who played Sloan on the show and will star in the film, too. She is expected to have a large role, giving birth to E's first child. Whoops, spoiler! Well, if you saw the trailer, you already knew that, but what's important is that she's hot - however pregnant - and she's back, baby!

 

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