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The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest Winners: Seductive Koala Edition

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Yesterday we asked you to use our meme generator to create some hilarious memes to unleash on the Internet. There were a lot of entries, but we managed to narrow it down to these fine and deserving winners. Congratulations, you truly understand what the Internet is all about. And to those of you who lost...oh well, there's always next week!

Speaking of which, get a head start and create a new meme for next week's contest right here.

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: Mikey

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: Bart

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: dawgfan

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: jeFe

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: Philip

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: Franky D

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: mrgrumpybear

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: Martin R

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: Janine

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: Russell

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: John

seductive koala meme
Submitted by: Streit2ThePoint

 

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Guy Posts Store Tips All Over Grocery Store And They're Hilarious

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If you're not opening up bags of chips and eating them in a dark corner while yelling nonsensical things at other customers, a trip to the grocery store can be pretty dull. But a funny guy has gone out of his way to make it far more interesting by adding his own random store tips. This is advice worth heeding.

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Funny, Hilarious Store Tips, Guy Adds Store Tips

Via Tumblr

 

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New Guy Flirts With Female Coworker, Receives Threatening Email From Her 'Lover'

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Starting a new job can sometimes be stressful, but the majority of us usually pull through. The same can't be said for the poor guy who received a creepy, odd email from one of his coworkers after he believed he had gotten too close to his crush.

Alex, the new guy, recently started a new job, and of course people were trying their best to make him feel comfortable. One of those people was his coworker, Julia. Alex spent a lot of time with Julia, and apparently, someone wasn't too happy with that and decided to sent Alex a threatening email.

Funny, Guy Gets Threatening Letter From Coworker

Now, let's recap down some of the highlights. We can also file this under "evidence."

"We've eaten lunch together and worked out at the gym every day..."
"I've spent countless hours texting her at night..."
"And even though we aren't technically dating right now..."
"She'll soon see that we're MEANT to be with each other."

Can someone please check on Julia and make sure she's okay?

Via Bro Bible

 

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A Drunk Guy's Guide to Picking the Perfect Jukebox Song

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We've all been there. At a bar, feeling good, but then the tunes stop playing. The jukebox has run out and it's up to someone to reload it. Why not you? You're capable of picking a bunch of songs that the whole place can dance and sing along to. Hell, you're more than capable -- you're the perfect drunk man for the job.

perfect jukebox song infographic, drunk jukebox, steps to picking perfect jukebox song

 

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Kids' Football Game Takes Weird Turn When One of Them Gets Humped by Dog

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One of these kids might need a therapist somewhere down the road, and it shouldn't be too hard to figure out which one we're talking about.

We don't know much about Rachel Crippen other than she likes to "stand up" and "stand out," according to her Twitter page. But let's be honest: It's pretty easy to stand out when you post a video of a French Bulldog humping some poor kid who is just trying to play football with his brother, who despite the distraction of his poor brother getting violated by a dog, still makes a nice one-handed catch rather easily.



You'd like to think that the video was so short because whoever was filming stopped to push the dog off the kid, but that's a shame because it's one of the funniest damn things I've ever seen.

It hasn't been a good week for kids trying to play sports: Dad Destroys One of His Kids With Giant Soccer Ball to the Face

 

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Two Idiot Dads Fight Each Other Over Their Daughters' Softball Team (NSFW Language)

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When another father tells you that you're the reason your daughter got kicked off her softball team, and that father is the second one to tell you as much in the span of 30 seconds, yet you continue to push the issue and run your mouth despite the fact that it's ruining your daughter's livelihood, it might be time for an intervention.

And I guess you could technically say that an intervention does take place in the video below, although it's more of the physical variety.


Why people are still dropping 50 bucks to watch boxing or MMA on TV is anybody's guess, as these two idiots proved the best fights are usually free.

And kudos to the dude taking the video of the melee, as nothing sums up the brawl quite like "Oh shit!"

h/t Barstool Sports

Why fly to Vegas for the big fight when you can get the same thing at your local Walmart? Watch One Woman Headbutt Another in This Epic Walmart Fight (NSFW Language)

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week

There's A White House Petition To Get Porn Star Lisa Ann Out Of Retirement

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Lisa Ann needs to get back into the swing of things, because aside from hanging out with douche Zack Hample, we haven't seen enough of her recently. (Except for constant repeat viewings of all her classic films.) Because of that, an official White House petition has been started to get Lisa Ann out of retirement and back into porn.

Lisa Ann, A Petition To Get Lisa Ann Out Of Retirement

A petition to bring back the person responsible for the second best Sarah Palin impersonation after Tina Fey has been started, and President Obama has been petitioned to help get everyone's favorite porn star out of retirement.

If there is one thing that President Obama would be remember for it is for this. I don't want to hear about wars or catching terrorists or healthcare, I want to hear about helping America come together...for an important cause.

Tell us how you feel about America, Lisa.

Lisa Ann, A Petition To Get Lisa Ann Out Of Retirement

We agree.

Sign your name here you glorious perverts.

And when you're done there, check out Lisa do things in slow motion.


Via Playboy

 

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College Professor Tortures Students With Cruel Extra Credit Question

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Taking exams are bad enough, but one professor decided to change things up a bit by offering extra credit with a cruel consequence.

"Here you have the opportunity to earn some extra credit on your final paper grade. Select whether you want 2 points or 6 points added onto your final paper grade. But there's a small catch: if more than 10% of the class selects 6 points, then no one gets any points. Your responses will be anonymous to the rest of the class, only I will see the responses."

So, in a nutshell, you opt for more points and there is a chance that you nor anyone else in your class gets extra credit.

Cruel Professor Makes Odd Extra Credit Question

The professor, Dr. Dylan Selterman, a psychology lecturer at the University of Maryland, explained his extra credit question.

"I've been doing this exercise every semester since the first time I taught at the college level in 2008. Only one time did students stay under the threshold for the selfish option (I think that was a random fluke)."

"In reality, if too many people overuse a common resource then everyone in the group suffers, not just the selfish ones," Selterman added.

Selterman himself had to answer the exact question when he was a student at John Hopkins, and he was upset when the majority of his classmates chose the higher option.

When they aren't exhausting all their sources making these type of questions to students, maybe they can pose a question where they ask me how I pretty much bend over for my college every time I make a monthly loan payment.

Via A Plus

 

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The Obvious 2015 Emmy Nomination Snubs List

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With new shows and streaming shows hopping heavily into the race, the Emmys upped the nominees number to seven this year, along with a few other new standards, but that still left plenty of room for several Emmy nomination snubs. Although "House of Cards" and "Mad Men" got their due, and "Game of Thrones" nabbed 24 nominations - holy shit! - let's talk about some of the big and obvious snubs in 2015, including snubbing the host of the Emmys on his deserved Emmy.

Outstanding Drama Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
Despite "Bloodline" actors Kyle Chandler and Ben Mendelsohn receiving their much deserved Emmy noms, the show itself failed to grab one for Outstanding Drama, a big miss for one of summer TV's best. "The Walking Dead" might've been lagging for a while, but the AMC drama had a strong fifth season. Even though "Mad Men" and AMC took a lot of the key nominations, Rick and the gang were owed one this time. "The Americans" and "Sons of Anarchy" both got snubbed almost completely, both of which were coming off some of their best episodes. Kurt Sutter's "Sons" was even pulling in FX's biggest ratings in history during its finale season. And the new hip-hop series, "Empire," was completely snubbed, save for some costume design work and Taraji P. Henson for her leading role.

Outstanding Comedy Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
After a well-received first season, nominated for Best TV Series - Comedy at the Golden Globes, "Jane the Virgin" managed to be completely snubbed, lead actress and all, for its Emmy. "New Girl" went unnoticed as "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" took its place. And although animated shows don't carry much weight in this category, "BoJack Horseman" earned its keep, yet failed to receive its deserved nom.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
"Empire" picked up a few small nominations, but aside from its snub for Outstanding Drama, Terrence Howard, as well as former Mighty Duck Jussie Smollett, missed their noms for Outstanding Lead Actor and Supporting Actor. Charlie Hunnam might've struggled with his English accent for seven seasons on "Sons of Anarchy," but the former Green Street hooligan played an impressive Jax Teller to the bittersweet end of Kurt Sutter's first showrunner saga. Finally, "Boardwalk Empire" won a nomination for directing, but Steve Buscemi got snubbed for his lead. Do you know what happens when you snub a guy like Nucky Thompson?

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
Ruth Wilson from "The Affair" won the Golden Globe, yet still managed to get snubbed for the Emmy nomination, which always makes sense - not! And Keri Russell and the rest of "The Americans" must have had their nominations lost in the mail somewhere. Those aren't the only female snubs, as many of the comedic lead actresses lost their ballots, too.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
"Mad Men" riot Roger Sterling, played epically by John Slattery, brought some much needed comedy to the AMC drama, yet failed to be recognized, as well as Jeremy Allen White in his consistently impressive role as Lip on Showtime's "Shameless." But Rupert Friend from "Homeland" was the big supporting actor snub, especially since he took up the reigns opposite Claire Danes (she got nominated) this past season after the departure of redheaded traitor co-star, Damian Lewis. And Mandy Patinkin continued to play his role as Saul Berenson with grace, especially after we thought his role was over and done with.

Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
Andy Samberg was the most ridiculout snub for his work on "Brooklyn Nine-Nine," mostly because he's hosting this damn awards show in September! And Jeff Garlin on "The Goldbergs" is about as funny as dads can get on television, but we get there's only enough room for so many actors, so Jeff, well you're just too big.

Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
The young ladies of comedy did not get respect this year at all. In fact, it's an atrocity when you consider Lisa Kudrow and Amy Poehler did, especially after that shitty "Parks" finale. It makes zero sense how "Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt" gets picked for Outstanding Comedy, but Kimmy Schmidt herself, played by the adorkable Ellie Kemper, gets ignored. And Gina Rodriguez, who won for Best Comedic Actress at the Golden Globes, also got shut out. And then there's the adorkable OG Zooey Deschanel. Apparently the Emmy panel didn't watch their quirky comedies this year.

Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
How does Key get nominated and not Peele? Jordan Peele of "Key & Peele" is quite literally half the show (arguable the better half), so it seems unjust to snub him, especially after giving three noms to "Modern Family" supporting actors in the past. In related news, Eric Stonestreet from "Modern Family" is the funniest man alive on TV and somehow got left out. Lastly, Chris Pratt, despite "Parks and Recreation" having a weak final season, used his comedic antics as Andy Dwyer and Johnny Karate persona to carry the show at times. For shame.


Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
An underrated and overlooked show called "The Goldbergs" continues to get overlooked, as does the hilariously psychopathic, overprotective '80s era mother, played brilliantly by Wendi McLendon-Covey.

Outstanding Variety Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
With Outstanding Variety Series being split in separate variety and sketch comedy categories, "Real Time With Bill Maher" still managed to get bumped with a few new variety hosts on board as of late. And, of course, "Conan."

Outstanding Writing in a Drama Series
emmy snubs 2015, emmys nomination snubs
After being branded as genius writer for so long, Aaron Sorkin's writing for the third and final season of "The Newsroom" went fairly unrecognized, as did the third and final season of "The Newsroom" in general. And that's not cool, because it was actually quite good.

 

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You Won't Believe How Old This Model Is

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Candy Lo, a model and actress from Hong Kong, is baffling people with her looks after they learn how old she truly is: 50.

Candy Lo, 50 Year Old Model Looks A lot Younger

I don't know what they are doing out there in Hong Kong, but the mother of three is doing something right. Candy recently took photos for her new book, appropriately titled "Timeless," and people have taken notice, as she has now received attention across the globe.

While you may hate Candy for not giving up the location of the fountain of youth, proceeds of her new book are going to charity, so you can't hate her for that.

Check out some more photos below of the model who may or may not be aging backwards.

Candy Lo, 50 Year Old Model Looks A lot Younger

Candy Lo, 50 Year Old Model Looks A lot Younger

Candy Lo, 50 Year Old Model Looks A lot Younger

Candy Lo, 50 Year Old Model Looks A lot Younger

Via Mirror

 

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Alex Trebek Singing Rihanna's 'Umbrella'

This Kid's Rant Is The Most Inspirational Thing You'll See All Frickin' Day

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If you're going to go off on a ridiculous rant and post it for the world to see, this is definitely the way to do it. Apparently this little fella is all riled up about his fellow Sonic the Hedgehog fans and how they've completely ruined the game franchise he is oh so passionate about. Watch in glory as he drops the censored version of the F word about 167 times in a matter of 19 seconds all while sporting a glorious Super Mario backpack.

I wish I could care as much about anything as this kid cares about Sonic the Hedgehog.

 

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'Would You Rather?' The Unsanitary Episode

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Would You Rather? The Unsanitary Episode

This week on "Would You Rather?" we upped the gross-out factor and asked people to choose between two highly unsanitary actions. We asked them if they'd rather eat a handful of hair or lick three public telephones. I know what I would choose, how about you?

More: 'Would You Rather?' The Crapping Episode

 

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Today's Funny Photos


Can You Guess What This Is?

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See if you can guess what the picture below is just by reading what's on it. Just read very carefully. Pay attention to detail.

Funny, Clever Vomit Bag
Is it coming to you yet?

Final guesses?

It's just a good ol' clever vomit bag.

Via Imgur

 

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QUIZ: Man or Woman?

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If you, like myself, are an appreciator of the "Maury" show for reasons beyond its tales of trailer park debauchery, you may be familiar with the 'Man or Woman' pageant the show hosts in the rare occasion that the show's producers opt to swap televised content from paternity results. This is exactly what we're going to do right in this here article; we're throwing a guess-the-gender pageant of our own! So, in case you're unfamiliar with how this game is played, here's what's up: The following images are those of both men and women, and we want you to guess their gender. (The answers can be found at the bottom of this article.) Good luck, guys!

1. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

2. Man or Woman?
Man or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

3. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

4. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

5. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

6. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

7. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

8. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

9. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

10. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

11. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

12. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

13. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

14. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

15. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

16. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

17. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

18. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

19. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

20. Man or Woman?
Man Or Woman, Man Or Woman Game

Check out if you're correct:

1. Man
2. Woman
3. Man
4. Woman
5. Man
6. Woman
7. Woman
8. Man
9. Man
10. Man
11. Man
12. Woman
13. Man
14. Man
15. Woman
16. Man
17. Woman
18. Woman
19. Man
20. Woman

 

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The 10 Greatest Little Guys In Sports History

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Mark Twain once said, "It's not the size of the dog in the fight, it's the size of the fight in the dog." Greg in "Scary Movie" said, "It's not the size of the hammer, it's the nail you're throwing it at!" While Greg may have been a tad less poetic, the point that both men were trying to make should be clear: Little guys can still get the job done. And nobody has come up bigger in the history of sports than these little guys.

To see more victors that come in small packages, check out "BattleBots" Sunday at 9|8c on ABC!

10. Muggsy Bogues
muggsy bogues, shortest nba player, greatest little men in sports
At 5'3" short, Bogues was the shortest man to ever play in the NBA, and he is the shortest athlete on our list. Well, until you get to the very bottom (wink).

While most remember him as the point guard for the Charlotte Hornets teams of the '90s that didn't suck, Muggsy's NBA career spanned 14 years and also included stints with Washington, Golden State and Toronto. According to Wikipedia, Bogues is still the Hornets' career leader in minutes played (19,768), assists (5,557), steals (1,067), turnovers (1,118), and assists per 48 minutes (13.5) today. (Photo credit: Andrew D. Bernstein/NBAE via Getty Images)

9. Darren Sproles
darren sproles, darren sproles eagles cowboys, greatest little men in sports
Some of the best running backs in NFL history were shorter guys, but just like my ex-girlfriends, most of them -- like Emmitt Smith, for example -- tipped the scales on the plus-side of 200 pounds. Sproles lacks both height (he's 5'6") and weight (190 pounds), but his opponents will tell you that that is what makes him such a bitch to bring down. Well, that and the fact that he is lighting quick.

Over the last four years in New Orleans and Philadelphia, Sproles has averaged 941 total yards and just shy of seven touchdowns per season. Throw in the fact that he's found the end zone seven times on punt and kick returns, and it's not a stretch to say that he's probably the most complete player in the game right now. (Photo credit: Mitchell Leff/Getty Images)

8. Spud Webb
spud webb, shortest nba players, greatest little men in sports
At 5'7" short, Spud Webb is the shortest player to ever compete in and win the NBA Slam Dunk Contest. The former Atlanta Hawks point guard created a media frenzy when he entered the 1986 event in Dallas, in part because nobody -- including his teammate Dominique Wilkins -- knew he could dunk.

As it turned out, Webb could do much more than that, scoring 8,072 points and dishing out 4,342 assists during his 12-year career. And since the NBA-ABA merger in 1976, only two players shorter than Webb (Bogues and Earl Boykins) have played in an NBA game. (Photo credit: Dick Raphael/NBAE via Getty Images)

7. Marcel Dionne

When you give a man the nickname "The Little Beaver," four out of five times that guy is going to murder your family. But Marcel Dionne did pretty much the exact opposite of that, scoring 731 goals and 1,771 points during an 18-year NHL career with the Detroit Red Wings, Los Angeles Kings and New York Rangers.

To this day, only three players have scored more goals and only five players have scored more points than Dionne, who was inducted into the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1992. (Photo credit: Steve Babineau/NHLI via Getty Images)

6. Wes Welker
Divisional Playoffs - Indianapolis Colts v Denver Broncos
At 69 (haha) inches short, it doesn't get much smaller than Wes Welker when it comes to NFL players much less wide receivers. But when it comes to performance on the field, it doesn't get much bigger than Welker's.

Since 2005, no NFL player has caught more passes than Welker (890) and only seven players have accumulated more receiving yards. Welker is also just 178 receiving yards away from the 10,000 mark, something he should have no problem eclipsing this year. Well, once he finds a team to play for. (Photo credit: Harry How/Getty Images)

To see more victors that come in small packages, check out "BattleBots" Sunday at 9|8c on ABC!

5. Dustin Pedroia

At 5'8" and 165 pounds, Dustin Pedroia has spent his entire life trying to convince people that he's a Major League Baseball player. Even after he made the big leagues, a security guard near the players' entrance at Coors Field didn't believe him, to which Pedroia famously replied, "Ask f***ing (Jeff) Francis who I am. I'm the guy who hit a bomb off him."

Pedroia's naysayers have provided plenty of inspiration for the Boston Red Sox second baseman, and he is well on his way to a Hall of Fame career. He is a four-time All-Star and Gold Glove award winner, and was named the American League Rookie of the Year in 2007 and the AL MVP in 2011. And of course, the good people of Boston have no problem reminding you that he is also a two-time World Series champion. (Photo credit: Getty Images)

4. Warrick Dunn
Minnesota Vikings v Tampa Bay Buccaneers
Warrick Dunn was one of two running backs in NFL history who rushed for more than 10,000 yards despite weighing less than 200 pounds, and at 180 pounds, he came in 12 pounds lighter than Tony Dorsett.

Most NFL scouts said there was no way Dunn's abilities would translate to the pro game, but they were obviously almost as wrong as drinking a Mountain Dew that doesn't have caffeine in it. Dunn eclipsed the 1,000 yard mark five times during his 12-year career with Tampa Bay and Atlanta.

The little guy has also come up big off the field, as Dunn has raised more than $2.5 million in cash, food and other supplies for single-parent families. (Photo credit: Joe Robbins/Getty Images)

3. Calvin Murphy

Calvin Murphy is the shortest NBA player ever inducted into the Naismith Memorial Basketball Hall of Fame, and he's also the shortest player to ever play in an NBA All-Star Game. Nobody dished out more assists in Houston Rockets history than Murphy, and only Hakeem Olajuwon has more points, field goals and steals than Murphy.

In addition, although he probably fell far short of Wilt Chamberlain's achievements in the bedroom, Murphy was no slouch himself, and he can prove it thanks to the 14 kids he fathered with nine different women. (Photo credit: Dick Raphael/NBAE via Getty Images)

2. Henri Richard

Despite being 5'7" and just 160 pounds, Henri Richard is lucky he wasn't killed playing professional hockey. As it turns out, the only things that were killed when Richard took the ice were his opponents' dreams.

No other player in NHL history won the Stanley Cup more times than Richard, who captured 11 titles during his 20-year career with the Montreal Canadiens. He was elected to the Hockey Hall of Fame in 1979, and "The Hockey News" named him the 29th-greatest player of all time. (Photo credit: Denis Brodeur/NHLI via Getty Images)

1. Yogi Berra

It's only fitting that we end the list with the guy who coined the phrase "It ain't over 'til it's over." Although, we're technically not done yet.

Yogi Berra was regarded by many as the greatest catcher to ever play the game. Despite his 5'7", 185-pound frame, Berra hit 358 home runs and drove in 1,430 runs during his 19-year career with the Yankees. He was an 18-time All-Star and three-time MVP. In fact, he is still the only catcher to ever win back-to-back MVP awards.

To this day, no baseball player has appeared in more World Series (14) or won more championships (10), and that's as big as it gets, baby. (Photo credit: NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images)

Honorable Mention - Eddie Gaedel

Many average sports fans are unaware that a midget once played Major League Baseball, and by once, I mean Eddie Gaedel literally played once. In fact, he only had one at-bat for the St. Louis Browns, and even that wasn't official because he walked.

Measuring 3'7" short, "tipping" the scales at 65 pounds and wearing the number "1/8" on his jersey, Gaedel stepped into the batter's box with a toy bat as a pinch-hitter for the leadoff hitter during the second game of a doubleheader against the Detroit Tigers on August 19, 1951. He walked on four pitches, was replaced by a pinch-runner and never played in the big leagues again.

According to Wikipedia, because of its scarcity, Gaedel's autograph now fetches more cash than Babe Ruth's signature, which again goes to show that even the littlest guy can take down the biggest. (Photo credit: Transcendental Graphics/Getty Images)

Now, check this out:


 

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Gravity Sucks: A Bunch Of Funny Balance Fails

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Gravity Sucks and Balance Fails Compilation 2015 by FailArmy

The guys and gals above show that performing the ol' balancing act is a little tougher than those tightrope walkers make it seem. So perhaps it's best we all stay away from walking on anything narrow and instead stay away from walking at all like any true American does.

 

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This Woman Is A Vaginal Weightlifter Because You Should Always Reach For The Stars

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The next time you're at the gym complaining because the weights are too heavy and you can't lift it, just know that there is a woman out there that can lift stuff with her vagina. That's right: her vagina.


Woman are already tougher than us because they push humans out of them, but now 44-year-old Kim Anami is showing the world that she can lift stuff up with her vagina too. On Kim's Instagram she calls herself a "Holistic sex + relationship expert," and "Vaginal weight lifter." That resume must be one fun read.

Kim travels the world holding seminars and educating people on how powerful the vagina can be.

#thingsiliftwithmyvagina The Bali Series Infinity pool + coconut frond basket in the hills north of Ubud. With mist. Once you get north of Ubud in Bali, even more magic happens. The crowds thin out and it's easier to tune into the deep, spiritual energy of the island. We got up before dawn to capture the sunrise light for this photo. The morning mist is still hanging behind us, and to the right, through the mist, you can see a local temple, which is perched on the hillside. Today, from my vagina, I'm lifting a "bungkus." This is the Indonesian word for a "take-out container." Back in the day, when you ordered food to go from a local food stall or "warung" (those food carts are all the ancient rage in Asia...), they would wrap it up for you in a banana or palm leaf and send you on your way. I'm lifting a very ornate version of this with many coconut fronds woven together to create a beautiful take-out basket. I actually got this from @alchemybali in Ubud, to carry a host of raw, vegan delights in. Before the onset of plastic, it was fine to throw these over your shoulder into the bushes. Now, people do the same with plastic, and it's obviously not so fine. It's great to see a return to the more sustainable ways of old. Including the resurgence of the 5000-year-old practice of Vaginal Kung Fu!! #thingsiliftwithmyvagina #vaginalkungfu #bali #indonesia

A photo posted by Kim Anami (@kimanami) on


You may be wondering why a person would want to lift anything with their genitals, but Kim says that it has improved her sex life.

"My sex life has improved radically and when I started weight lifting with my vagina my partner noticed the difference immediately.I can have multiple orgasms, I'd say ten or fifteen orgasms in a row. I can have an energy orgasm, which means an orgasm with takes place without touch, meaning I can have sex with my partner when he's on the other side of the room or even on the other side of the planet. So even hearing his voice or just thinking about him, I can have an orgasm."

Kim actually calls her weightlifting talents "Vaginal Kung Fu," which may or may not be a porn video I once saw a few hundred times.

Here, I present, the first of the #thingsiliftwithmyvagina #eurotour: Me, at the Berlin Wall, lifting a piece of the former wall. With my vagina. It's the Great Wall of Vagina! Much of my work is about breaking down sexual barriers: opening conversations about sex and daring to say the things that deep down (very deep, like cervix deep) people want to hear and say, but generally don't. Then there is the literal work, the opening of the genitals. The de-armoring, the breaking down of past trauma and the healing of it. There are the emotional walls that we erect to protect ourselves. The choice to fear instead of open. Because it feels safer to not trust. We've been burned before. Until all of these barriers come down, until we soften and chip away at the hardness, we can't fully feel. We can't fully love. We can't fully orgasm. And we can't fully live. Over the years, on my own journey to wholeness, it's been a constant work in progress to open, and to stay open. When you do the work, the deep, internal work of breaking down your own self-imposed barriers, you'll find a whole other universe on the other side. The world, just like an open and trusting vagina, opens up to you and nourishes you. And that's where the gold is: the deepest love, the best orgasms and the feeling that all is right in the universe and yourself. When you dare to open and stay open. Kx #vaginalkungfu #thingsiliftwithmyvagina #eurotour #openheartopenlegs

A photo posted by Kim Anami (@kimanami) on


Kim says she can lift up to ten pounds of various items. So keep on lifting, Kim. Check out some more pictures of Kim and her talented vagina below.

The LA Series. #thingsiliftwithmyvagina And the Oscar goes to... My vagina. Best Supporting Vagina winner, for sure. I'm standing on Hollywood Boulevard, on the Walk of Fame. My vagina is hovering over the "star" of Hedy Lamarr. Some historical vagina for you: Hedy is the reason why most of you are even reading this right now. You could say she's the most influential woman of our modern age. Not only was she touted in her day as being the "world's most beautiful woman" by Louis B. Meyer, she had the first non-pornographic onscreen orgasm in the 1933 silent film "Ecstasy." My kinda girl. It gets better. Tiring of acting, she took up inventing. Lamarr co-developed a frequency-hopping spread spectrum technology that is the basis for modern wifi communication. She registered the patent with her cofounder in 1942 and was inducted into the Inventor's Hall of Fame in 2014. Beauty, brains, vagina. Even I'm impressed. #thingsiliftwithmyvagina #vaginalkungfu #vaginalsuperpowers #bestsupportingvagina #theoscargoesto #oscars

A photo posted by Kim Anami (@kimanami) on




Via Uproxx

 

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