Today Is Amazon Prime Day, The Mother Of All Summer Tech Deals

July 14, 2015, 11:00 pm

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While there are a number of great summer tech deals out there in Internetland, Amazon's 20th Anniversary is the one that turns regular, every-day morning paper ads into birdcage liner. Amazon Prime Day is a one day, 24-hour freak show of new deals that is circulating on the site every 10 minutes, which began at 12:01a.m. PST today, Wednesday, July 15.



This psychotic summer shopping spree includes pre-listed items like high resolution 40-inch TVs, Nikon cameras and HD tablets, just to name a few. Sales are limited to Prime Members, but Amazon is offering a free 30-day trial, which would be stupid not to at least try. A membership is $99 per year, so there's savings already, which will make up for any fees down the road, say towards Christmas season, if you decide to stay on. Bose headsets are expected to be at their lowest price, and all the Harry Potter books are going to be half price. Well, what are you waiting for?

Wal-Mart has joined Amazon in the day's festivities, offering "atomic" discounts for up to 90 days with up to 2,200 products available. They've reduced its free shipping minimum from $50 to $35. With Wal-Mart, no membership is required to get the discounts. We've included some of the pre-listed items from Wal-Mart as well. Stretch out your clicking finger; you don't want to give yourself carpal tunnel, although there's probably a good discount on fixing that online today, too.

Amazon Prime Day Deals

40" LED 1080 TV ($115)

Most TVs with this resolution and size retail around $300 at shops like Best Buy. There is also rumored to be a 50-inch 4K name brand TV going for under $1000, according to NBC News.

Amazon Fire HD 7 Tablet ($60 Off)

This item retails at $139, offer Wi-Fi and 8 gigabytes of storage. The kid's edition is also expected to be included in the deal at the same discount.

Nikon COOLPIX Cameras (50% Off)

These point and shoot cameras are easy to use and come in colorful options, ranging around $150 in retail price.

iRobot Roomba Pet Vacuum Cleaning Robot (Under $300)

Ranging from $400 to $700, Amazon is attempting to get you an iRobot Roomba Pet Vac for under $300. No more puppy hair, doggy dirt or little yellow puddles in your home, not with Roomba for Pets.

Top Kitchen Brands (Up to 70% Off)

From Cuisinart to KitchenAid, Amazon has the best in colorful and reliable kitchen electronics, you know, the ones you put in your cart and never buy.

Wal-Mart Sales

Apple iPad Mini 2 ($265)

Retailing at about $300, any deal on an Apple product is worth mentioning, as it never seems to happen. The iPad Mini 2 is rail thin, Wi-Fi ready and holds 16 gigabyte in its smallest model, likely the one Wal-Mart is offering for $265. But does Wal-Mart know there's an iPad Mini 3? Try and keep up, Wal-Mart!

Black and Decker Drill and 133 piece Home Project Kit for $50

To make up for all the bastard friends who never return your tools, this Black and Decker drill and tool kit going for $50 is a real steal. Retailing at $80, you wouldn't be a man if you didn't buy this shit.

Toshiba 15.6" Satellite Laptop ($377)

If you're saving $253, you're saving more than 40 percent on a brand new laptop. Is Toshiba any good? Hell if we know. Apple owns us, but if you're in the market for a new, competing name brand computer, Toshiba and Amazon Prime Day might be the menage a trois you were looking for.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

July 15, 2015, 12:23 am

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12 of the Best Bars to Booze in Across America

July 15, 2015, 12:40 am

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We know all about some of the oldest saloons in American history, but what about the best cocktail bars across America? It seems more relevant a topic to the day drunks of summer, and we can think of no better way to send you off in summer style than with some good old fashioned American alcoholism in the most popular places possible. Brought to you, not by ripping off half-assed blogs, but by the word of the dandiest drunks in the business, in a crisp, clean fashion - the way you should be ordering your drinks - we offer up the best bars to booze in across America. Now get going.

Townhouse & Del Monte (Venice, CA)

Established in 1915, Venice's go-to live music watering hole is not only a gypsy lounge and sage sanctuary for Dogtown, but it's also an underground, acoustic-friendly speakeasy. One of the five oldest bars in Los Angeles, Townhouse sets in spitting distance to the salty Pacific and filled to the brim with sandy-haired hippies with a dash of class. One of the more sophisticated of the L.A. dives, Townhouse has its Del Monte underground, a speakeasy open to local artists and the occasional Michael Jackson "Thriller" dance party in its low ceiling, high humidity summer showroom. It tickles your liver with the whispers of a thousand dancing hippie fairies.

P.J. Clarke's (New York City, NY)

Established in New York in 1884, P.J. Clarke's needs no introduction as it's been around longer than your great-grandmother. With a history before and after Prohibition, this simple go-to city bar knows the importance of a good, neighborly drink. No stranger to the likes of Buddy Holly, Jackie Kennedy and Frank Sinatra back in the day, P.J. Clarke's oozes with style, history and the right kind of local flavor. New York has six locations, its original on Third Avenue, open for more than 130 years without so much as a hiccup. But surely they've had their bouts with drunk vomit here and there.

Lamberts (Austin, TX)

With a restored historic vibe and a loft that Don Draper could drink himself mad in, Lamberts is not just an exquisite Austin barbecue bar; it's a craft cocktail lover's delight. Its downstairs features a quaint, rounded bar with a fully restored dining area - more than 100 years old - leading to a flight of stairs of its brick-exposed loft, decorated in red neon lights and wood floors for quality sounding live music. With an old fashioned that can cure any crooked afternoon and a bar stool one block up from the park, libations at Lamberts are simply a breeze.

The Whistler (Chicago, IL)

Much more than just another Chicago bar, The Whistler is also a gallery, record label and live music venue. With seven nights of music each week - no limit on the genres here - and cocktails that run the gamut of classic, original and contemporary, The Whistler can be a stone's throw from sobriety or a long mile hike, if you so choose. Not a cover charge in sight and an endless offering good tunes and tasty fluids makes The Whistler a Windy City favorite. For a good dive, try Delilah's in Lincoln Park. I saw McLovin' once, and it made it all worth the unending Fireball I drank.

Rickhouse (San Francisco, CA)

The architecture itself will make you feel like you're inside of a whiskey-soaked oak cask, aging gracefully with the rest of Rickhouse's beloved patrons. But that's not all Rickhouse is good for; it's heavy on the bluegrass and good times, too. With emphasis on fresh California culture, Rickhouse is all about local vibes, fresh juices, locally brewed beers and California wine. The low-light, rustic ambiance gives the dark city vibes of a moving, grooving San Francisco to a cozy room, and the wooden upstairs loft is good for the bird's-eye view of Rickhouse's whiskey classics, fresh punch bowls and modest music.

Casey Moore's Oyster House (Tempe, AZ)

Even the dusty desert pit of the Phoenix area has its charm, be it Arizona State University's little known backyard bar, safe from the terrors of youngster drinkers. Located a block off campus in rural Tempe, Casey Moore's is a cozy, renovated cottage set back amongst a neighborhood of houses as a hidden oyster bar. With an indoor Irish pub vibe and an outstanding outdoor patio offering up a quaint koi pond and a light summer mist for the Arizona heat, Casey Moore's is a musician's after party, a businessman's getaway and a degenerate's paradise. Oh, and the fountain in the back doubles as a men's urinal. How beautiful is that!

The Edison (Downtown Los Angeles, CA)

With a step up in class compared to the rest of Los Angeles lounges, The Edison takes ambiance, live jazz and burlesque to a whole new level in an old subterranean power plant, a top cocktail spot amongst the dingy downtown area. With a heavy regard for the staple cocktails of past artists, writers and poets, The Edison mixes history, culture and ambiance almost as good as they mix their drinks. And did we mention...absinthe?

The Franklin Mortgage Investment Co. (Philadelphia, PA)

A railway corridor of a classy corral, Philly's tiny tank of social lubrication is a four-stool, former bootlegger bar of the Prohibition era, now with a slew of original experimental menu ideas and enough ambition for two. For bourbon believers and fresh fruit lovers, this subterranean cocktail lounge is the right place to be at all times, ever since its birth in the 1920s.

Pinewood Social (Nashville, TN)

Recently established at the end of 2014, Nashville now has its own copper-topped, with high ceilings, open space of a craft cocktail local guru hut. With so many Nashvillains - coining it! - relying on the mellow speakeasy, Patterson House, for their quality drinks, this hip new social spot has much more than just cocktails. It's a workspace, bowling alley and quiet catch-up all rolled into one, along with a coming coffee bar, swimming pool and bocce ball court all slated ahead. For the productive alcoholic who loves to get shit done with a good buzz, Pinewood Social is your new neighborhood religion.

Zig Zag Cafe (Seattle, WA)

A neighborhood bar tucked away behind Pike Place Market, Seattle's Zig Zag Cafe has two things on its mind: good drinks and good service. Alcohol alchemist himself, Murray Stenson, knows nothing less than perfection in his concocting, thus Murr the Blur offers nothing but the best and allows on the most proficient of proteges behind the bar with him. Dressed and pressed, these gentlemen serve up a classic Seattle experience, unlike the mighty Gum Wall crap tourist trap.

Arnaud's French 75 (New Orleans, LA)

Known for having the best drinks in the French Quarter, French 75 is a bit more class and a little less ass than the rest of New Orleans. Despite the town's impressive lineup of dive bars and bead-happy saloons, Arnaud's is a nod to the classy, well-crafted type of drinking experience. Good for an assortment of experiences, including Dixieland jazz, romantic dining and a few fingers of quality labels, this century-old, formerly gentlemen-only spot puts the "art" in "craft." Sorry, we get dyslexic when we drink and write.

Multnomah Whiskey Library (Portland, OR)

With its elegantly designed, rich whiskey heritage bombarding your eyes and liver at every turn of the head, Multnomah Whiskey Library is potentially Portland's pride and joy. One of the most touted, worthwhile whiskey investments one can make, Multnomah's wealth of whiskey knowledge is measured by the mouthful within its high ceilings and brilliantly-lit architecture. As whiskey lovers, we dare you to find something more satisfying in such a cloudy place.

 

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Comedian Feuds Showdown: Epic Comedy Battles Decided

July 15, 2015, 1:50 am

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Everyone loves a good old-fashioned feud, especially between funny people (they tend to be pretty good at dishing out comebacks). While there have been many well documented clashes between comedians through the years ranging from accusations of joke stealing to flat out disdain for each other, one thing always remains the same: a winner is never chosen. By that, we simply mean that there is no authority out there to declare who emerged victorious in the end. Therefore, Mandatory has decided to take the task upon ourselves and declare who we feel came out on top once the dust settled. After all, we're the self-appointed leading authority on cartoons and comic books now, so why not throw general comedy into the mix? Let's do this.

Michael Ian Black vs. Marc Maron

We'll start with the very public Twitter face-off between comedians Marc Maron and Michael Ian Black back in May 2013. Note that we are focusing on this particular back-and-forth and not the ongoing love-hate relationship between the two. While Black eventually went on to tell HuffPost Live that the spat was more or less all in good fun, taken for what it was, it was pretty petty on both men's parts. However, in deciding a winner here (which is the name of the game), we thought that Maron came off slightly less pathetic, with Black overly boasting his successes. In the end, Maron basically just played good defense until bowing out due to third-party interference.

Verdict: Marc Maron

Joan Rivers vs. Chelsea Handler

Speaking of petty, it doesn't get more spiteful than accusing a fellow comedienne of basically sleeping her way to the top, especially when you work for the same network. Yet that didn't stop veteran windbag Joan Rivers from doing just that back in 2012 in an interview with Howard Stern, saying of E! Network star Chelsea Handler "the girl made it on her back fucking the president." Sure, the accusations against Handler were more or less true since she dated the CEO of Comcast Entertainment Group for four years, during which time she wound up with her own show, but you still shouldn't say it. However, it was Handler who actually attacked first, prompting the feud in the first place. That aside, had both women simply apologized and buried the hatchet, we wouldn't even be covering this fight. But since Rivers surprisingly had the good grace to attempt a reconciliation only to have Handler spit it back in her face, we now see who the true child was all along.

Verdict: Joan Rivers

Norm MacDonald vs. Chris Kattan

Here we have a similar situation, but with different faces: two comedians, one network (and show for that matter), and a general lack of respect for the other. Between 1996 and 1998, Norm MacDonald and Chris Kattan worked together on a little show called "Saturday Night Live." During this time, neither party was particularly fond of the other, culminating in MacDonald accusing Kattan of being both unfunny and gay during an interview with Rolling Stone, saying things like "He claims he's not, but I've never seen, like, a guy who's not gay seem so gay." Kattan responded to the interview by calling MacDonald an asshole. Nothing too crazy, right? A year after MacDonald was let go, he returned to host the show. Noticeably absent from all sketches was Kattan, although it is said the two did share one together during dress rehearsal that was simply cut. Even though Kattan went on to make one last dig at MacDonald the very next episode during a trademark "Mango" sketch, we get the feeling from this recent interview with Jim Breuer that it was still chump change compared to what MacDonald was capable of. (Sidenote: Make time to watch the less abridged version of Breuer's MacDonald/Kattan story at some point. It's well worth it.)

Verdict: Norm MacDonald

Bill Murray vs. Chevy Chase

Not to play favorites, but everyone knows that A) Bill Murray is the man and B) Chevy Chase is one of the biggest dickheads on the planet. So it should come as no shock that while hosting a second season episode of "SNL," he and Murray wound up in a physical altercation just before going on air. According to Chase's account in the show's oral history book "Live from New York," the fight stemmed from John Belushi "spreading some pretty apocryphal stories about [him] out of his jealousy or anger or whatever." Murray, on the other hand, recalled that it was "because I was the new guy, and it was sort of like it was my job to do that. It would have been too petty for someone else to do it." But if was Murray's final words on the matter that not only sum up Chase in a nutshell, but also win him this showdown: "When you become famous, you've got like a year or two where you act like a real asshole. You can't help yourself. It happens to everybody. You've got like two years to pull it together - or it's permanent."

Verdict: Bill Murray

Larry the Cable Guy vs. David Cross

Thank God the "Blue Collar Comedy Tour" days are behind us. Fortunately, even when they were in full swing, we had a champion in David Cross to point out just how dumb we all were for falling for it. After being profiled by Rolling Stone in his heyday, Dan Whitney (a.k.a. Larry the Cable Guy) took his first licking from the "Mr. Show" star when Cross pointed out that his routine was basically just "a lot of anti-gay, racist humor, which people like in America, all couched in 'I'm telling it like it is.'" Of course, after Whitney took offense to this in his 2006 book"Git-R-Done" and said that "America's sick of payin' good money for a comedy show that only earns one laugh every 12 minutes because the comedian onstage is too busy demonstratin' how much smarter he is than his audience," Cross properly laid him to rest with this scathing open letter once and for all.

Verdict: David Cross

Denis Leary. vs. Louis C.K.

It's kind of hard to trust someone like Denis Leary when his entire persona was largely (though debatably) plagiarized from deceased comedian Bill Hicks. We only mention that so you are up to speed going into this next bit of potential joke theft. Leary, who became famous for his 1992 comedy album "No Cure for Cancer," also wrote the massively successful song "Asshole" on the very same album. Or so he claims. In 2008, Louis C.K. let slip that the song was strikingly similar to a bit he used to do back in the day while doing shows with Leary. While not necessarily damning considering he hasn't done the bit in years once he realized Leary swiped it from him, the accusation certainly caught Leary's attention enough for him to bring it up unprovoked during an interview with the very same talk radio show on which Louis spilled the beans. Anyone else see that as a sign of guilt? In any case, the fact that Louis has remained so calm about it for years and simply moved on because he knows he's capable of new and better material makes this feud's winner an easy decision.

Verdict: Louis C.K.

Carlos Mencia vs. Joe Rogan

For the first time on our list, the winner was determined not by us, but an outside party. And that outside party was actually Carlos Mencia himself. Back in 2005, Joe Rogan began accusing Mencia of stealing jokes on his blog. In 2007, he even confronted the comedian face to face at The Comedy Store in a video that not only went viral, but wound up getting Rogan banned from the venue. He also left his agency soon after when they demanded he apologize to Mencia for calling him out (Mencia was repped by the same agency at the time). Rogan told Chicago Now that comedians Louis C.K. and Nick Swardson also left the agency when they heard that an apology had been requested. The final nail in the coffin which proved Mencia was indeed a thief came roughly a week after his confrontation with Rogan. During an interview with The Mikey Show, Mencia defended his honor in regards to the accusations against him. Sadly, he probably shouldn't have been spouting off stolen jokes while doing it, because the hosts of the show called him out immediately after he left (around 6 minutes into the video). Fortunately, it made our job that much easier.

Verdict: Joe Rogan

Steve Harvey vs. Katt Williams

As the old expression goes, "you wanted a fight, you got it." Steve Harvey had clearly never heard such a phrase before agreeing to headline a comedy showdown between himself and relative newcomer Katt Williams back on New Year's Eve 2008 at the Joe Louis Arena in Detroit, Michigan. Touted as the "Championship of Comedy," you wouldn't have known if from Harvey's performance, as he didn't even acknowledge the battle at hand and simply did a regular old comedy routine. Enter Katt Williams, who proceeded to hit the ground running, verbally pummeling the veteran comedian and "King of Comedy" so badly that most have described it as an hour-long attack with a few random jokes peppered throughout. So did Harvey then admit defeat? In a word, no. Instead, he apologized to his fans for the whole event, making it seem as if William's behavior was somehow below him even though the bad blood between the two had been stewing for quite sometime prior to the whole ordeal. Sounds like sore loser talk to us.

Verdict: Katt Williams

Eddie Murphy vs. Bill Cosby

What can we say, sometimes the new comic in town isn't much interested in what the veteran has to say. That apparently goes tenfold for Eddie Murphy and his take on Bill Cosby calling him to say he shouldn't use such foul language in his act. Considering Murphy voiced said opinion during his 1987 comedy special "RAW," one of the most iconic stand-up routines of all time, there was bound to be a little bit of animosity between the two from then on. Sure enough, when the subject of Murphy came up in a 2007 interview with the Cos, he referred to his fellow standup as "a very nasty, nasty liar" and would later go on to say that his phone call to Murphy had never been about language, but arrogance. Long story short, as always, Cosby tried to take the high road. In the end, however, it was Murphy who would wind up smelling like roses. Due to the recent rape allegations against the former JELL-O pudding spokesman, the "Saturday Night Live: 40th Anniversary Special" granted Murphy the opportunity to again slam the aging comedian. He chose not to "kick a man when he's down," however, showing mercy to his already defeated rival.

Verdict: Eddie Murphy

Jay Leno vs. David Letterman

Powerful men make powerful enemies, and no one knows that better than Jay Leno. His newest feud with fellow late night talk show host Conan O'Brien not withstanding, he's basically been at odds with longtime competitor David Letterman since taking over "The Tonight Show" duties back in 1992. Letterman has never forgiven the underhanded methods Leno and company took to snake his rightful spot as the King of Late Night and it has been documented throughout their careers through books, movies, and, well, Letterman himself. So we feel the only way to really determine a winner would be to simply go to the ratings. However, there's a fun twist. Leno's final episode on February 6, 2014 brought in 14.64 million viewers, while Letterman's this past May only brought in 13.76 million. Leno wins, right? Wrong. Technically, Leno only scored such high ratings because this was his second farewell due to the whole Conan debacle. His originally intended finale back on May 29, 2009 only brought in 11.9 million, way short of Letterman's. Hence, a well-deserved upset for the ages.

Verdict: David Letterman

 

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The Rock Suffered The Grossest Finger Injury You Will Ever See And All He Did Was Laugh

July 15, 2015, 2:29 am

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Superhuman Dwayne Johnson, better known as The Rock, or Zeus, if you're into Greek mythology, or Hercules if you were one of the few that saw that movie, suffered a terrible injury, and yet he is still all smiles.

A video posted by therock (@therock) on Jul 14, 2015 at 1:34pm PDT

The man just said "I ain't got time to bleed." The man's finger is going in a direction it's not supposed to go in and that is what he says. I wouldn't have time to make a video because I would be sobbing.

This is just more proof that The Rock is not from this world and just arrived here like Thor.

Note: Apparently this "injury" was done with prosthetics and The Rock just tricked us.

 

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Just a Florida Man Taking a Dump Next to a Wells Fargo ATM (NSFW Language)

July 15, 2015, 2:30 am

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There are very few times when you would pass up the chance to withdraw money from an ATM at your own bank to pay five bucks in fees at the 7-Eleven across the street instead.

We're probably not alone in thinking that a dude dropping a deuce in the drive-thru lane at your local Daytona Beach Wells Fargo branch is one of those times.


It's hard to watch that video and come up with anything to say about it that would fall in the "glass half-full" category, but here goes: Hey, at least he wiped.

Or maybe considering this event as a not-so-friendly reminder to use your hand sanitizer on a frequent basis would also do.

Hey, what can we say? Poop is funny: This Bikini Poop Stain Prank Will Gross You Out And Crack You Up

 

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Check Out The Best 'One Drink' Memes Out There

July 15, 2015, 3:20 am

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One of the biggest lies a human being can tell themselves is the old "I'll just have one drink" lie. Deep down in your soul you know that it won't only be one drink, and the memes below know exactly how it goes...

 

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14 Photos That Tell You Everything You Need To Know

July 15, 2015, 3:50 am

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They say a picture is worth a thousand words, and that is often true. But the photos below don't require that lengthy of a story, because when you see them, you instantly know what the situation is. Some things are just universally understood. I'll say no more.




























h/t Buzzfeed

 

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Woman's Fake, 64-Inch Ass Explodes While Doing Squats

July 15, 2015, 4:02 am

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I don't exercise because I rather stay away from being productive and moving my body for any reason at all, but I don't stay away from it for fear of my ass exploding. Unfortunately, this is what happened to the woman below.



27-year-old Serena Beufort from Boston was doing squats when out of nowhere her ass exploded, causing an unbearable amount of pain. Serena was in the midst of filming herself doing squats for an Instagram video, a video she was making in she hopes of becoming famous.

Now of course someone's ass just doesn't explode unless it's fake, and that is exactly what Serena had. Apparently, Serena had gone to an unlicensed clinic and had a 64-inch butt put in her via cheek implants. 64 inches...64. Why?

Serena's sister, Jackie, explained "My sister Serena had visited an unlicensed clinic to get the butt she really wanted (64 inch bottom). She started to become famous on Instagram and even got a job at a club. Guys would look at her differently and buy her expensive stuff just because of her butt."

And a woman who witnessed the awful accident also chimed in: "I heard a loud popping noise followed by the woman falling to the floor. She was screaming my a** is gone!!!; I had no idea what she was talking about until I saw her cushion like butt missing when EMS took her out the gym. She used to always show off her butt in the gym and tried to get guys attention with her work outs."

"My ass is gone."

Jokes aside, Serena went into a coma because of the trauma. Doctors say she is in serious condition, so let's hope she pulls through.

Note: This story has actually turned out to be fake and we weren't the only ones that were fooled. The good news is that woman still has her butt intact.

Via The Lad Bible

 

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Every One Of These Photos Is 100 Percent Accurate

July 15, 2015, 4:22 am

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Just try to argue with the logic in any of these photos. I dare you. It's impossible. These are all 100 percent accurate and apply to everyone.

 

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This Dad is a Way Better Dancer Than You

July 15, 2015, 4:30 am

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Remember when your dad used to drop you and your buddies off at a Tone Loc concert, and he told you that he would be back in two hours to pick you up? Most likely, he really was leaving the concert, throwing back a couple brews at Molly Malone's and then heading back your way.

But not this dad.

The Vamps performed at Thorpe Park in the UK over the weekend, but instead of dropping off his tweens and bouncing from the show, somebody's dad went toward the back of the crowd and unleashed a set of dance moves that probably would have been good enough for at least a third place finish on "America's Got Talent."


Odds are your dad dresses less like an absolute dork than this dad, but let's be honest: Your old man would have no shot against this guy in a dance-off, and that's something your dad is probably very comfortable admitting.

Nerds are kings in 2015: Awkward Nerd Brings the House Down at School Dance-Off

 

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Dad Destroys One of His Kids With Giant Soccer Ball to the Face

July 15, 2015, 5:03 am

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In every group of siblings, one of them has to be the weakest, and the boy in the orange shirt below recently found out the hard way that he is that kid.

According to USA Today, a dad was recently playing outside with his kids in what would normally be classified as a "harmless manner." After all, it was just a giant puffy soccer ball being kicked around in the backyard. What's the worst that could happen?


To be honest, that kid sounded like he needed a timeout anyway. I mean, he was already whining when he and his brother fell to the ground right before the giant soccer ball pulverized his face.

Thankfully, the dad showed that he actually cared about his son and rushed over to his aid instead of laughing at him like we did.

On the other hand, here's a father who might want to take a step back and seriously think about his parenting tactics: Dumb Dad Attempts To Score Goal But Almost Kills His Kid Instead

 

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A Comedian Created A Fake 'Customer Service' Account Just To Mess With People

July 15, 2015, 6:12 am

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The best part about reading reviews are spotting the ridiculous ones that real people actually had the time to post, so Atlanta comedian Ben Palmer decided to create a fake customer service account in order to reply to these comments. Check out some of Palmer's best responses to pissed off customers.































Via Dangerous Minds

 

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Amy Schumer Makes Star Wars Hot In Her New GQ Photoshoot

July 15, 2015, 7:48 am

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That Amy Schumer is so hot right now, so hot. With "Inside Amy Schumer," a new movie and countless appearances, Amy is blowing up, and rightfully so. Check out what happened when she took part in a Star Wars themed photoshoot for GQ.













Via GQ

 

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Armed Robber Unknowingly Shoves Firefighter, Immediately Gets Owned

July 15, 2015, 8:35 am

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The robber below got things 50% right: he covered his face to hide his identity, but he failed to wait in line for his turn, and no one likes to be cut in line. Just ask the firefighter who took down this awful robber.



The robber probably should have waited until the place was empty before making his move. Below is a transcript of what occurred. Probably.

Robber: "Hey man, move so I can rob this joint."
Firefighter: "What the-"
Robber: "Yo man, you better give me-"
*Robber blacks out*

 

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Today's Funny Photos

July 15, 2015, 11:11 pm

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20 Male Celebrities Taking Emasculating Selfies

July 16, 2015, 12:20 am

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When it comes to the selfie, most people think of a teenage girl fixing her hair and taking about 276 versions of the same photo before settling on one. But what we're doing here shows that taking a lame selfie is not restricted by gender, race or celebrity status. From Oscar nominees to star athletes and rappers, check out some of the biggest male celebs taking emasculating selfies you never thought your eyes would see.

Leonardo DiCaprio


Puff Daddy


Bradley Cooper


LeBron James


Tom Hardy


Bill Clinton


Mario Lopez


Colin Farrell


Samuel L. Jackson


Brad Pitt


Mel Gibson


Johnny Depp


Bill Murray


Russell Crowe


James Franco


Peter Dinklage


Woody Harrelson


Ian Somerhalder


Wiz Khalifa


Jared Leto

 

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The 10 Greatest Bluffs Ever Pulled

July 16, 2015, 1:50 am

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Bluffing is an excellent technique. Not just in poker, but in other aspects of life as well. Some of the greatest bluffs have been used in war and other desperate situations that call for a bit of fibbing. The following stories exemplify some of the best ways people have used lying and general foolery to their advantage.

Christopher Columbus Dupes the Natives

Christopher Columbus successfully predicted a lunar eclipse that frightened the hell out of the Jamaican natives in 1504. He and his men were living on the Caribbean island for nearly nine months and the locals were getting tired of their squatting. Sensing this, Columbus wanted to make them think he was God, or at least a prophet, so that they would continue providing for his men.

He cheated, using a celestial almanac authored by Abraham Zacuto, and they were none the wiser. He told the natives that God was angry with them for treating his men badly; it was perhaps the greatest guilt trip in history. They were then too scared to make Columbus leave.

Brits Drop Opium Cigarettes on the Enemy

In 1917 during the Siege of Jerusalem, the British dropped cigarettes laced with opium down to the Ottoman army. Attached to the cigarettes were flyers advertising a peaceful end to the war. The Ottomans smoked the cigarettes, and the British invaded. The Ottomans couldn't successfully defend themselves and lost, likely due to being shitfaced on opium.

Operation Mincemeat

Widely regarded as one of the most successful wartime deceptions of all time, the British dropped a corpse into enemy territory with fake military documents attached to the body. Charles Cholmondeley and Ewen Montagu masterminded Operation Mincemeat, and the Allies changed the course of the Second World War.

The corpse's documents said that the Allies planned to invade Greece and Sardinia. The Nazis bought it and prepared for an invasion. But in April 1943, 160,000 Allied troops went for Sicily instead, conquering it and allowing Allied shipping to take place throughout the Mediterranean and continental Europe.

Mussolini was toast from there, and the rest is history.

The Extremely Boring Codename for the "British Manhattan Project"

Some of the most ingenious subterfuge tactics took place during World War II. One such clever deception involved naming Britain's Manhattan Project as "Tube Alloys," a codename so boring no one would investigate.

Tube Alloys was only a guise used to throw off outsiders. The project developed nuclear weapons for the United Kingdom, specifically plutonium, whose existence "was a secret until its use in the atomic bombing of Nagasaki."

American Ghost Army

Kept a secret for 40 years after World War II, the 23rd Headquarters Special Troops wasn't your typical army unit - it consisted of artists, actors, set designers, and other creative types who knew how to pull a ruse.

They used inflatable tanks, sound trucks, fake aircrafts, fake radio transmissions, and loudspeakers to deceive the Nazis. Thinking a massive regiment of 30,000 Allied soldiers were nearby, the Germans had no idea only a tiny 1,100-man unit were faking.

The 23rd Headquarters Special Troops staged more than 20 deceptions, stalling the enemy by instilling fear due to their close proximity. Some elements of the American ghost army during WW2 remain classified.

Transporting the World's Biggest Diamond

The largest diamond ever discovered in 1905 near Pretoria, South Africa. It was called the Cullinan Diamond, and remains famous to this day.

Delivering it to England posed extreme security issues. They feared a robbery. So they put a group of London detectives aboard a steamboat which housed the captain's safe. They placed fake stone inside the safe and sent the real Cullinan Diamond via regular postage. Like an Amazon delivery. It arrived safely to its destination.

Zhuge Liang and the Empty Fort Strategy

Throughout Chinese history, the Empty Fort Strategy was used quite often to throw off invading armies. In 228 AD, commander Zhuge Liang had only a few hundred men to general Zima Yi's 150,000 soldiers. Knowing of Yi's impending attack on the city of Xicheng, Liang ordered men within the city, to dress in civilian clothes and to open the gates.

Liang played his guqin and his men swept the streets when Yi and his army entered. Yi thought Liang had devised an ambush - knowing he was a cunning military strategist - and called off the plot to invade Xicheng.

Joseph Smith and His Seer Stones

Everyone knows about the story of Joseph Smith and the inception of the Mormon religion. Popularized by "South Park," Smith was basically a conman whose "revelations" concerning God were conceived through seer stones. In 1823, he relayed the word of God to a scribe, Oliver Cowdery, and the Book of Mormon was written.

"He put the seer stone into a hat, and put his face in the hat, drawing it closely around his face to exclude the light; and in the darkness the spiritual light would shine ... Thus the Book of Mormon was translated by the gift and power of God, and not by any power of man."

The Trojan Horse

As the most famous story of military deception in history goes, the Greeks built a huge trojan horse and placed it at the entrance of Troy. Thinking it was only a victory trophy, the Trojans watched as the Greeks sailed away. Once the horse was inside the city limits, a force of Greeks hidden inside burst out and destroyed the entire city, effectively ending the Trojan War.

"I Did Not Have Sexual Relations With That Woman"

He stared straight into the camera and told millions he didn't do what we all knew he did. Using a cigar, an intern, and amazing earnestness only a genius liar could pull off, Clinton was impeached and yet still holds one of the highest post-office approval ratings ever.

 

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This 55-Gallon 'Lube Keg' Was One Item That Didn't Sell Out On Amazon Prime Day

July 16, 2015, 2:07 am

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Amazon told the world that yesterday's "Prime Day" was going to be "bigger than Black Friday," but for thousands of shoppers who flocked to the website, it wound up being a bigger joke than Chief Keef.

The site quickly ran out of items that were actually useful like 40-inch TVs listed for just $115, so shoppers were instead left perusing through things like that 55-gallon drum of lube we told you about last year.


Let's be honest: Even Hugh Hefner would have problems finishing this puppy off, and the Internet let Amazon know about that yesterday:

It's like the yard sale of the Internet -- just trying to unload a bunch of crap. #PrimeDayFail pic.twitter.com/zEkgKTVJFK

- Mother Humor (@itsmotherhumor) July 15, 2015

Amazing savings on lube. On a day when people got their hopes up...what are you trying to say Amazon? pic.twitter.com/8ZbzMwxRhI

- Jordan H. (@DELICIOUSKEK) July 15, 2015

Pretty much how it's been on #PrimeDay #PrimeDayFail pic.twitter.com/n0QSXldKIm

- Bryan Beal (@bryanrbeal) July 15, 2015

Heralded as the "Ultimate Lube Keg" from Passion Lubes, guys like Derek Jeter or a frat house of dudes with one-percenter parents can get 55 gallons of lube as well as a lube pump for the low price of $1,361.80, and that's 46 percent off the normal asking price. You'll have to hurry, though, as there are just three barrels 'o lube left in stock.

But even if you aren't in the market for 7,040 ounces of slick or don't think the IRS would consider it a write-off, you can still find pleasure in reading the "Customer Questions & Answers." Here are our two favorites:


via Uproxx

More fun on Amazon: If the 'Customers Also Bought This' Section of Amazon Told the Truth

 

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This 19-Year-Old Russian 'Muscle Barbie' Can Deadlift 400lbs

July 16, 2015, 2:40 am

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This is one girl that definitely doesn't need anyone to walk her to her car at night.



Julia Vins, a 19-year-old Russian teen, has been turning heads all over the world with her amazing strength. Julia, a powerlifter, holds three world powerlifting records, one including deadlifting 400 pounds, about 395 more pounds than I can lift.

At first glance, Julia looks like an innocent teenaged girl, but from the neck down she looks like someone you wouldn't want to piss off at all. Sporting 72,000 followers on Instagram, "Muscle Barbie," as she has come to be known, started lifting weights at the age of 15 and hasn't stopped since. Julia says it is obvious people have different opinions when it comes to her appearance.



"I have these big, beautiful eyes and wear make-up. But at the same time, I'm strong. I can deadlift 180kg in training. I want to become as big as possible. But to be honest, I've noticed that the guys who are negative about my athleticism - are just jealous."



Originally, Julia started going to the gym to find some meaning in her life.

"I had no interest in sport but I was lost. I thought I might see if I could build some strength and confidence by weight training at the gym.'I started copying exercises that the male gym-goers did. It did not make me strong but then I started powerlifting. I loved it! I knew then that my goal was - to build muscle," the wide-eyed teenager states.



Well, now she has found muscles and an absurd amount of strength.

No word yet on whether this was Vladimir Putin's secret weapon or not.

Via Coed

 

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