The holiday season can raise up some serious emotions in people. And when serious emotions get raised up, people tend to riot. In this feature, we'll run down ten insane riots that happened around the Christmas season. Whether it be shopping driving people to violence or just holiday revels gone disastrously wrong, these are the 10 craziest Christmas riots.
The Eggnog Riot, 1826
In olden times, eggnog wasn't just a cloying dairy treat. It was made with tons of booze. When a number of West Point cadets got busted in 1826 trying to smuggle whiskey back to the school, it set off an insane riot that lasted until Christmas.
After a party in one of the dormitories got shut down by the faculty, between fifty and ninety students engaged in open revolt against the school, drunkenly smashing windows and shooting off guns before sobering up. Needless to say, tons of disciplinary action was taken against the regretful, hung-over cadets.
Bondi Beach Riots, 1995
The traditional Christmas party held on Australia's Bondi Beach is an excuse for Aussies to cut loose after the holidays, but in 1995 revelers took things a little too far. Cops came to calm the party down on Christmas Day after more than 20,000 people hit the beach, starting bonfires and drinking heavily.
When fights started, the police were unable to contain the violence and the crowd quickly turned on innocent bystanders, throwing rocks and bottles at police. The swarming mass even tried to flip over a tour bus before the crowds were cleared, leaving behind thousands of dollars of property damage and tons of garbage.
Indian Christmas Riots, 2007
It can often be tough when a new religion tries to get a foothold in foreign territory, especially when that religion has a celebration as public as Christmas. In the state of Orissa in eastern India, 2007 saw a week-long spate of violence when locals got very pissed off about Santa Claus.
The riot began when the local Hindu association alleged that Christians (who are a small minority in India) had vandalized three of their temples. Whether the accusations were true or not, it set off a senseless orgy of destruction that included the burning of a dozen churches and at least one fatality.
Mexican Prison Riot, 1988
Christmas is often the time of year when families reunite with each other, and visits to prisons go way up during the holiday season. That was the case on December 20, 1988 in the Mexican Nayarin State Penitentiary in the city of Tepic. Unfortunately, an armed escape attempt by six men transformed the tranquil holiday visit into a hostage situation and riot that would leave dozens dead.
With 273 adults and almost as many children trapped inside, the convicts started trashing the place and demanding armored cars and weapons. Police managed to free the hostages on December 21st, but the violence continued until Mexico's elite SWAT unit breached the gates and opened up on the rioters with machine guns, leaving 35 dead. Merry Christmas!
Augustus Street Riot, 1806
People who think New York was dangerous in the 70s obviously never visited the Big Apple in the early 1800s. Immigrants from many different lands came together to form the great melting pot that is America, but they sure didn't get along too well. On Christmas Eve of 1806, an angry group of 50 men gathered outside of St. Peter's Church with intentions of disrupting the Midnight Mass.
The alderman managed to disperse them, but they showed up again the next day to cause more trouble. Only this time the churchgoers had prepared themselves and were armed and ready to kick serious ass. The resulting rumble spread over a quarter-mile of city streets and resulted in a policeman being stabbed to death trying to break it up.
Waffle Maker Riots, 2011
Black Friday has become one of the retail industry's most feared days of the year. The day after Thanksgiving is the official start of the Christmas shopping season, and bargain hunters will go to insane ends to get their gifts cheap.
One of the most distressing outbreaks of Black Friday violence in recent years came at an Arkansas Wal-Mart holding a serious sale on... waffle makers. At just two dollars apiece, they were a great deal, but not great enough to inspire the horrific fisticuffs as desperate shoppers brutally beat each other down in their quest to get one.
Madison Square Garden Riot, 1979
Let's mix things up a bit by throwing in a good old-fashioned hockey riot, shall we? The New York Rangers are widely known as a team that inspires some loyalty in their fans, as are the Boston Bruins. So when the two paired off on December 23, 1979, all Hell broke loose.
After the Rangers failed to convert a breakway at the game's end, the two teams started fighting on the ice. When a fan reached over the glass and whapped Bruin player Stan Jonathan with his program, the brawl spread into the crowd, with almost the entire team wading into the fray and decking fans willy-nilly, including Mike Milbury of the Bruins beating down the fan with a shoe he found.
Air Jordan Riots, 2011
Every year, Nike puts out a retro-styled Air Jordan just before Christmas. And every year, people go completely insane over the shoes and break the law. 2011 was probably the worst example, as the Jordan XI dropped on December 23rd and turned the holiday season into an orgy of violence.
Crazed shoppers tried to break down mall doors in California, police had to subdue shoppers with pepper spray in Seattle, and four people were arrested in Georgia, including a woman who left her two kids alone in the car so she could join the fracas and grab a pair of shoes.
Greek Election Riots, 2008
When you have a country with an economy on the verge of collapse, Christmas can seem like a cruel joke. Case in point: Greece in 2008. When a policeman killed a 15 year old boy in early December, thousands of citizens hit the streets for a week-long orgy of destruction that called the world's attention to the corruption scandals and general mismanagement of the Conservative government. In Athens, hordes of angry youth decimated streets, even setting fire to the city's huge Christmas tree. Hundreds of stores were looted and police stations were attacked with firebombs. Santa put a lot of names on his naughty list that year.
Cabbage Patch Kids Riot, 1983
One of the most common causes of a Christmas shopping riot is a hot new toy that everybody needs to have. Probably the apotheosis of this is the strange case of the Cabbage Patch Kids. In the early 80s, these lumpy-headed baby dolls were inexplicably the hottest toys on the block, with stores unable to keep them in stock for even a day.
When they did come in, shoppers lost their mind, On November 27th, 1983, a Zayre's department store in Wilkes-Barre, PA hosted one of the worst shopping riots ever, as parents punched, shoved and abused each other in competition for the toys. Several limbs were broken and people even lost some teeth in the melee.
Well, not Santa himself. Crooks take on all kinds of disguises to fool the law, but one of the sleaziest is dressing up like Old Saint Nick before going out to commit a crime. In this feature, we dig through the holiday police blotters to come up with ten incidents of Claus behaving badly - from shoplifting and public drunkenness all the way up to murder. Enjoy these 10 crimes committed by Santa Claus - he's been very naughty.
Hermitage bank robbery, 2009
Brentwood, Tennessee man David Cotton needed money and didn't want to work for it. So he got a Santa suit from his family and walked into the SunTrust Bank in Hermitage with a gun and a big bag for presents. Marching up to a teller, Santa flashed his piece and got away with an undisclosed sum of money.
But that wasn't enough for Cotton, who tried to extend his holiday-themed crime spree in 2010 by dressing as a leprechaun on St. Patrick's day to rob a bank in nearby Gallatin. After a firefight with police, the desperate robber fled to a field and shot himself in the head.
Atlanta mall murder, 2004
Working as a mall Santa can test the patience of even Saint Nick. One of the grisliest Santa crimes of all time came in an Atlanta mall in the holiday season leading up to Christmas of 2004.
A man named Elkin Clarke was hired to portray Claus in the mall, but his wicked temper got him in a ton of trouble when he started beating a 74 year old woman with a 2x4, claiming that she had stolen $145 worth of Hershey's chocolates from him. Whatever the reason, the woman died in the hospital as a result of her injuries and Clarke was sentenced to life in prison.
Berlin Christmas Market Druggings, 2011
They say Santa comes bringing gifts for good little girls and boys, but I don't think this is exactly what they meant. In December of 2011, a middle-aged man dressed as Santa Claus was seen in Berlin's bustling holiday markets passing out free drinks to passers-by.
Unfortunately, these Christmas cocktails contained a potent date rape drug, which caused everybody who drank one to start vomiting and lose consciousness. Some of the more than 10 victims even suffered short-term memory loss. The worst thing is that the sick Santa was never caught, which means he could still be out there pulling these shenanigans somewhere.
Parma kidnapping, 2009
If you saw Santa Claus beckoning you from the bushes, what would you do? In December of 2009, a 12 year old girl in Parma, Ohio had to tackle just that conundrum. When she was on her way to school, a man in full Santa suit with a bag of candy canes tried to wave her down from inside the shrubbery.
When she ignored him, he gave chase (carrying a unicycle) and tried to grab her arm and drag her off. She escaped and ran into a nearby store, where the owner called the police. They later caught the man, mentally unstable Anthony Russo, aboard a city bus, still in full Santa suit.
Birmingham house robber, 2011
Usually when Santa comes to your house, he comes down the chimney. And he doesn't take anything but some milk and cookies. That wasn't the case for an unnamed 22 year old woman living in the Quinton suburb of Birmingham, Alabama.
When she answered a knock on the door to find a man in a Santa costume, he claimed he was collecting for charity. Unfortunately, the charity was himself, as he swiftly punched the woman in the face and gained entry, followed by an accomplice. The nasty Santa demanded gold from the woman, and when her father came home he also got a beatdown from the fists of Claus. The robber then fled without any spoils.
Jaffa murder, 2012
Israel is a very tumultuous region, where several different religions come to blows on a daily basis over their respective Holy Lands. But the murder of Gabriel Cadis, head of the Orthodox Church Association in Jaffa, is shocking even by Middle Eastern standards.
During a parade celebrating Christ's nativity, a man in a Santa Claus costume ran up behind the unsuspecting Cadis and drove a knife into his head before fleeing. Cadis was rushed to a hospital, where he was pronounced dead on arrival. Six people were arrested in conjunction with the crime, but no convictions have been made yet.
Columbia motorcycle kidnapping, 2006
Santa has a hold over young children, but not all Kris Kringles have good intentions. When a family pulled up to a gas station in Columbia, South Carolina, they were met by a man named John Michael Barton in full Santa regalia driving a holiday-themed motorcycle.
He asked the children if they wanted to come see the stuffed Rudolph he had in the sidecar, then grabbed the eight year old girl and sped off with her. The panicked father gave chase at speeds of up to 80 miles per hour, running him into a parking lot and getting his little girl back. Barton was arrested a few days later, hiding out in a storage room at a local bar.
Cisco bank robbery, 1927
Let's take a trip in the Wayback Machine for this next one, going all the way back to 1927 for one of the most notorious bank robberies in Texas history - and that's saying something. Marshall Ratliff marched into the First National Bank in Cisco, Texas in full Santa regalia, leading a group of three armed men, and proceeded to clean the place out.
To escape, they took two young girls hostage, but when their car ran out of gas they abandoned it - and their ill-gotten gains. Marshalls eventually caught up with the gang and threw Ratliff into jail for 99 years, but an angry mob stormed the prison and lynched him anyways. That's what you get for being a fake Santa!
Salem flasher, 2005
A shopping mall can be a venue for all kinds of shenanigans, especially when Santa is involved. In 2005, a 52 year old man named Richard Mullen walked into the Mall at Rockingham Park in full Kris Kringle regalia, but he only had one present to give out. Mullen proceeded to walk up to shoppers and drop his pants.
Thankfully, nobody got a glimpse of his candy cane - he was wearing sweat pants underneath - but he was still escorted out of the mall and charged with disorderly conduct. In February the next year, he was busted again for trespassing in Boston Children's Hospital with a bag full of condoms.
Aziz Yanzdanpanah murders, 2011
Let's close this list with one of the grisliest Santa-related crimes of all time. Grapevine is known as the "Christmas Capital Of Texas," a Dallas suburb that really pulls out the stops every December. But it's not a happy time for everyone.
In 2011, divorced father Aziz Yanzdanpanah dressed up as Santa Claus and paid a visit to his ex-wife and her family at the apartment they were living at. At first, the visit went well, but at around 11:30 AM he pulled out two guns and shot all six family members present before ending his own life. Relatives say that he was upset that his wife was doing well post-divorce and he'd been unemployed for years.
Is there any other industry we both love and hate more than entertainment? Whether it's Hollywood or sports celebrities, we are awed at the art and talent on display, and yet somehow so much wealth and power attracts (or creates) so much narcissism that it's all too easy to list off celebrities who suffer from foot-in-mouth disease. Maybe that's why this list of unexpected celebrity charity causes gives us pause. Cynics might say the following is all just for publicity; a good story to make the rounds. We like to think it's the holiday spirit at work. Click ahead and see for yourselves.
50 Cent
50 Cent, the rapper famous for being shot nine times and partying like it's your birthday, launched Street King energy drink. Fair enough, Jay-Z has a deal with Ace of Spades champagne and Diddy promotes Ciroc, so branded drinks are nothing new. But 50 Cent's drink is different: a portion of the sales go to charity for underprivileged children to help fight world hunger (PopCrush).
John Cena
Who knew tough guy John Cena from the WWE was such a softy? As one of the most sought-after jocks on the Make-a-Wish circuit, he recently granted his astounding 300th wish to a 7-year-old boy. Read that again. His 300th wish. John's mission is to reach 1,000 wishes granted. He's so popular, an entire conference room is dedicated to him at the foundation's headquarters. Sure, the acting on WWE may be cringe-worthy, but this story should make your heart grow a few sizes.
Nick Offerman
Nick Offerman, most famous for his role as Ron Swanson on "Parks & Recreation," is known for his mustache. And yet he shaved it off and put it up for auction in order to raise money for the pediatric cancer charity Because of Ezra. He reportedly had the mustache re-constructed after he shaved it, then glued onto a mold of his face and sealed behind museum-quality glass.
Justin Bieber
So you hate his music. Maybe you hate him. He's young, rich, dates hot chicks and sings to millions more. There's a lot of be jealous of. But, last year he put his baby boa constrictor up for auction online, and the proceeds went to Pencils of Promise, a nonprofit group that has built more than 30 schools around the world. The twist on the story is that the buyer was an animal lover disgusted by Justin's "willingness to use a pet for an awards ceremony and then discard it." The snake was later donated to a zoo where it could be looked after properly, though, so everyone was happy.
Charlize Theron
Charlize Theron auctioned herself off on a blind date for charity. That's pretty cool. Unfortunately, she had a case of the kiss-and-tells and shared on a visit to "Conan," that it was a bad idea. "They trick you with the 'people are suffering thing.' They trick you with the 'you can help so many people.' And before you know it, you're at a restaurant with some stranger...rich people can be creeps, too! They can rape...It was a scary thing. And [the guy] was weird" (usmagazine.com).
Cricket Team Wears Pink
Cricket, that game with the funny name they play over the pond, is no place for wussies. They play hard. So when the Glamorgan county cricketers in England took to the field wearing pink shirts it made quite a stir. But it was all in support of a Welsh charity in order to raise awareness for breast and prostate cancer.
Andrew Garfield
Andrew Garfield, the latest actor to be cast as Spider-Man, went on "The Ellen DeGeneres Show" and was asked to dance in order to raise money for the Worldwide Orphan's Foundation. He asked, "You want me to humiliate myself for these kids?" -- and then proceeded to cut a rug, dancing the robot, Gangnam Style and Beyoncé's 'Single Ladies' dance. All in all, he helped raise a cool $10K from partner Shutterfly.
Petra Nemcova
Uber-hot model Petra Nemcova's life hasn't been all glitz and glamour. In 2004, she lost her fiancé Simon Atlee while they stayed in Thailand during the 2004 Indian Ocean earthquake and subsequent tsunami. She wrote her memoir in 2005, Love Always, Petra, and all proceeds have gone to her tsunami relief charity, Happy Hearts Fund.
Daniel Craig
A variety of entertainers literary gave up their hats for a charity auction, including Annie Lennox, Sienna Miller, Susan Boyle and Daniel Craig, among others, to help London charity St. Mungo's. While the charity sounds like something from Harry Potter, it helps people in a very real way, supporting homeless people to rebuild their lives.
Usher
Some people get their dogs from breeders, others from the pound. Usher got his at an auction supporting the education charity Pencils of Promise and plunked down $12K. He named his new golden-doodle puppy Poppy and wrote on Twitter: "All in the name of feline fun! It took me 2 years but I outbid everyone this year to bring Poppy home to Ush." We think he meant "canine" instead of "feline," but an A for effort anyway.
Oprah
Her magazine, her talk show, even her own network on cable -- what else can this trailblazing woman do? In 2007, with $40 million of her own money, she opened and funded the Oprah Winfrey Leadership Academy for Girls in South Africa to provide educational and leadership opportunities for women in improvised backgrounds. Five years later, "100% of the class has been accepted into colleges, 10% going to the United States." Oprah said, "You want to change the world, you change a girl's life."
Star the Duck
He may not be a celebrity you've heard of, but if you live in the area around Devon, England, then Star is as familiar as Daffy Duck. Complete with bowtie, Star waddles along with his owner and helps raise money for sick children. Unfortunately, council officials said that some members of the public find the feathered sidekick irritating and may reduce the fundraising to only one day a month. We hope Star quacks back and continues with the good cause.
It's the weekend before Christmas, so we've gathered the most hilarious and inappropriate tweets making the rounds about the holiday. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll feel cold and dead ... like Santa on the 26th.
Follow @robfee on Twitter, and check out his bestselling comedy album, "Grape Stomp," on iTunes.
If I don't go home for Christmas, who will "fix" my mom's internet by unplugging and plugging back in the router?
On the 13th day of Christmas, my true love said to me, "I think I might be a hoarder."
These Christmas carolers are only singing The Whisper Song and robbing my garage. WTF?
For someone that has a Christmas special, Charlie Brown has a pretty Jewish disposition.
On the 9th day of Christmas she photoshopped a boyfriend for her Christmas card.
Ke$ha's Christmas tree is just a dead houseplant tipped over in a pizza box.
If you put Muscle Milk in a Christmas tree stand, the branches can support whole hams and this is one of the many reasons I'm on the no-fly list.
I'm a little embarrassed to tell you what I got my wife for Christmas, but it rhymes with "tig flack pildo".
"Oh, God, sorry, I'd love to talk and catch up, but ah, man, I'm just...I'm petting this dog right now, so..." -me at a Christmas party
My wife hates when I give her a Christmas/birthday combo gift but that's what she gets for being born in May.
The saddest thing about Christmas is all the gingerbread houses in foreclosure.
My mom has been attending her own personal Ugly Christmas Sweater Party every holiday season since '88.
Our photo Christmas cards finally arrived and the kids are upset that they didn't make the cut.
"You will be visited by ghosts." "They'll teach me the true meaning of Christmas?" "No, they'll try to eat you." - A Pac-Man Christmas Carol
This TV remote at the La Quinta is bolted shut so I guess my nephew won't have batteries for his new fire truck on Christmas morning.
For some reason there are ants all over my Christmas tree, from the presents at the bottom all the way up to the McRib tree topper.
@quintywinties
But how will I know when to STOP rocking around the Christmas tree?
I don't have kids. But if I did and they got me a tie for Christmas, they wouldn't get any hugs or food from me for about 4 months straight.
Instagram just kicked down her door and ate all my Nana's fresh baked Christmas cookies in front of her WHILE INSTAGRAMMING THE WHOLE THING!
The Kardashian Christmas portrait is the herpes of photography.
I've got some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, this is our last funny photos gallery until the new year (don't worry, our Top Shelf will be doing some "Best Of" the year posts all next week.)
But the good news is, we still have this gallery to carry us through to next year. We want to thank all you Mandatory readers this year for showing and looking at the various things we find on the Interwebs. Have a super awesome holiday and please don't call us for bail money. (Although we might call you.)
And, as always, everyday is Christmas on our Google+ and Facebook pages.
In case you lose your Internet for the next week, this is what you'll be missing.
Oh deer.
I was never good at math, but I think this is what reciprocals were all about.
Santa's going to be pretty surprised when he shows up.
McDowell's should sue.
This is pretty much how every day starts and then ends up.
This is not a fun game.
Best tombstone ever.
And viral video in 3...2...1.
Now that I know the third option exists, I'm going to cut my pizza that way every single time.
I like your lack of pretenses, dong supermarket truck.
I don't know what these memes are called, but they make me very, very happy.
Just hanging in front of the heater.
Everything looks fatter in overalls.
I'm going to work on my over the toilet deep knee squats.
I knew Jesus was more of a hockey guy.
A rule to live by.
Click here for more hilarious perfectly timed photos.
Amen, sister.
Full disclosure: I actually bought this apron of David during a trip to Italy. It looks much better on her.
Who wore it better? (Marge.)
Oh cats, will you ever be happy?
That's a good looking lion.
Life is hard enough without having to find the perfect gifts for everyone, so that's why some decide to go the weird or gag gift route instead. If you have any of these people in your life, be prepared to open their present and find something that may blow your mind inside. Without further ado, here are some of the weirdest holiday gifts out there. From bizarre to depraved to utterly useless, there is something for everyone!
Bearded Beanie
You know how they say that most good things have already been created, and that everything after is merely a reinvention of something else? Well, this is just the dumbest reinterpretation of anything. The hand-knit beanie, which is typically placed on the head for warmth, can also be used to cover the facial region, so why not make it look like a beard and have a good laugh?
For all you beardless jerks who either can't grow one or are too afraid to, this gift casually goes beyond creepy just for you. It doesn't matter if it's common, it's still strange. And it's even weirder when girls wear them. It's bad enough we're not getting to see any leg all winter long; now we have to deal with our girlfriends looking like men, too.
Chia Obama
No matter how you look at it, our president has had a very big year. He has faced many hardships and challenges, won reelection, and was recently named Time's "Person of the Year." So, some jerk out there who still cares about Chia Pets (that's the weird part) is likely to stuff this in your stocking and think you'll actually enjoy it. Be ready to fake laugh.
The Wine Rack
It may be sweeping the nation right under your nose and you don't even know it. You may have to look a little closer to catch a glimpse of the booze-dispenser bra, a real ringer in the world of belligerent alcoholics who also want to enhance their cup size.
This bra of wonder, not to be confused with any old wonder bra, houses up to 25 ounces of wine. It can probably hold straight booze if you need it to, in the case that you're having a particularly tough time around the family this holiday. Just be careful as you skulk around trying to pinpoint which ladies are sporting the wine rack. Gives a new meaning to the real or fake debate.
Star Wars Tauntaun Sleeping Bag
If you are familiar with Star Wars, you'll get it. If you are not, then this sleeping bag inspired by the odd scene in "The Empire Strikes Back" where Luke sleeps inside the belly of a dead beast carcass in order to survive the cold may be off-putting. Just give it to your kids.
Musical Condoms
If you're unfortunate enough to have to wear condoms (jk, it is very safe and responsible to do so), you might as well have something to set the mood right and make it more enjoyable. No, we're not referring to a sandwich, but maybe a sandwich too. Musical condoms fits just like normal condoms, only you get the additional perk of being able to literally rock out with your cock out.
Musical condoms can be especially beneficial if your lady makes sounds in the bedroom that resemble cries from the local zoo, or if you need something to warm up to, like "Jock Jams."
Anti-Shrinkage Bathing Suit
We've all seen the episode of "Seinfeld" where George is affected by shrinkage. It's still a common problem for men everywhere today. That's where the Rooster Booster comes in, a lycra bathing suit with a pocket in the crotch that keeps your area warm enough to fight shrinkage, and includes a foam padding as well just in case shrinkage still occurs. Say goodbye to "I was in the pool!" embarrassment.
Domo Plush
Oh, you don't know Domo? He's a lovable monster who happens to be the official mascot of Japan's NHK television station. The story has it that he hatched from an egg, hates apples, and repeatedly farts when he is nervous or upset. Domo-kun! A perfectly normal holiday gift.
Related: Ridiculous Japanese Products
Anal Ring Toss
Nobody knows how this came about, but it is definitely something to pass the time. Obviously somebody did some research and found that this game can double as fun for two people, or more. Hopefully more. It's just like regular fun ring toss except the small pole is placed up the anal cavity. The other player (s) simply try to get as many rings around the pole as possible.
It's popular amongst strange, jaded couples, but it's more likely to pick up as a family game around the holidays. As we all know, anal games can be fun for the whole family. Why wasn't this created sooner?
Drug-Smuggling Books
When you realize your friends will always carry drugs on themselves, you might as well get them a gift to make it look honest and keep them clear of the law, and no gift does it better than a drug-smuggling book.
Whether it's your favorite childhood book, an ironic guide for growing your own weed or the bold, religious book choice, choose something that suits your friend. Depending on how big of a stoner your friend is will likely affect the book you choose too.
Screaming Monkey Slingshot
This plush monkey (wearing an awesome mask and cape) can be launched through the air by its slingshot-like arms and screams as he soars. It's weird, but sure could be a lot of fun around the home and/or office. You should be so lucky to get this as a holiday gift.
Furry Adventure Slippers
Slippers are always a popular holiday gift, but they can be a little boring. With "The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey" now in theaters, you may find that the slippers you receive are a little furrier than normal, and putting them on results in an urge to go on an adventure. Wait, no, that makes no sense at all. These are just ridiculous.
Squirrel Feet Earrings
If you're truly on thin ice with the missus, there's really only one place left to go for salvation. Clearly it's time to give her the earrings that scream love and devotion, taxidermy feet of the most adorable rodents, which will dangle with grace from her earlobes.
Now if you want to make this a do-it-yourself and show it's truly from the heart, you'll want to remember to clean off all the blood after killing the animal, maybe run some hot water over them too so they're somewhat sterile. We promise your woman will never look at you the same way again.
Finger Tentacles
In a word: eww. These are just disturbing. But if you want to feel a little closer to octopi (or Cthulhu) by adding tentacles to your fingers, or know someone who would, then these are a can't-miss weird Christmas gift.
Knit Penis Pocket Boxer Shorts
If you think about it, it sort of makes sense. Why wouldn't any guy love a separate, cozy compartment for his ding-a-ling? This finely knit handcrafted article of clothing can not only pass as a unique fashion statement, but a genuine attempt to warm one's private parts without oddly groping oneself in public.
The only problem ahead lies when the guy feels the need to not wear pants on top of this hand-knit craft item. Once the elements are exposed, the holidays are basically over. Actually, they'll continue on in jail, which is the last place you want your elements exposed.
Sex Toys that Resemble Regular Toys
It's bad enough children have to be scared about what hides beneath their beds at night, but now they also have to worry if their toys double as sex toys, too? Is it too much to make a clear distinction between the two, or are these toy companies trying to confuse us early on? Although sex toys are meant to be "played" with, they needn't resemble monsters or pass for something an innocent child would also like.
However, if you happen to be dating a woman who has a hard time not being nostalgic, this gift might be right up her alley, if you know what we mean.
Energy drinks are great, but you can't chew, inhale, wear, season with, or apply Red Bull like a salve. When you've given up fruitlessly rubbing 5-Hour Energy into your armpits, these unique revitalizers come in soap, jerky, and, yep, deodorant forms.
VE2 Gum
Previously available only in nine states, two pieces of sugar-free VE2 provide as much caffeine as a cup of coffee -- pop four, and you'll already have gum in place to stop the grindies.
BioFuel Caffeinated Popcorn
BioFuel has created a snack that gives late night movie watchers a fighting chance at making it to hour two of the latest Christopher Nolan flick. Available in a resealable 3.5 oz. pouch or 70-serving "Big Bag," which contains 2,000 mg of caffeine. (For people with lots of friends, or who do not fear death.)
Wake Up On Time Pills
Pop two of these vitamins before bed and hours later they'll begin releasing small amounts of caffeine. So when your alarm goes off, you'll rise alert, energetic, and excited to brew a gigantic pot of coffee.
Sumseeds
These caffeinated sunflower seeds are from Ohio-based Dakota Valley Products. Each 3.5 oz bag of premium, gum-toughening seeds is dusted with 120mg of caffeine -- one-and-a-half times the amount in the energy drinks favored by thrill junkies and rehabbing celebrities worldwide.
Buzz Strong's Real Coffee Cookies
Sold in two flavors -- dark and white chocolate chip or mint chocolate chip -- Buzz Strong's Real Coffee Cookies are baked with actual brewed coffee. Where other desserts dash your hopes with false advertising (looking at you, coffee cake), Buzz Strong delivers.
Water Joe
Swap your weak Dasani for the live wire of the water world. Tapped from a protected aquifer in Wisconsin and given a shot of "natural caffeine extracted from coffee beans", Water Joe perks you up without high calorie and sugar counts.
Aeroshot
Since huffing Wite-Out only makes you kind of dizzy, inhale something more productive. AeroShot's inhalable "coffee" delivers the caffeine of your regular cup (plus B vitamins!) without the "mystery chemicals" found in other energy products and super-intense Agatha Christie lab textbooks.
Human Blood Caffeinated Energy Potion
For vampires and the deeply, deeply weird, Human Blood Caffeinated Energy Potion promises revitalization as well as a "yummy fruit punch flavor [that] looks and feels like human blood".
Bang! Caffeinated Ice Cream
Get a jolt from your sundae with Bang!, a caffeinated ice cream from Madison, Wisconsin. Four flavors promise an ice cream scoop with the potency of an energy drink. Combine with Red Bull for an energy shake. (You, not the drink.)
DoubleKick Engergizing Hot Sauce
Combining the best of Asian and Southwestern chili sauces, plus ginger and caffeine for an extra energy boost, DoubleKick is the great tasting way to keep food coma at bay. It is thick and rich, spicy and a tad sweet.
Bazi Energy Shot
This artificial-stimulant-free energy shot is filled with natural caffeine equal to a half-cup of coffee, schloads of antioxidants, and eight superfruits including jujube, goji, and mangosteen: an Indonesian citrus that's only mentioned here because of its disproportionate influence in the media.
Black Blood of the Earth
From the same nuclear-weapon-disarmer who brought you Steins Of Science, BBotE's a super-caffeinated cold-vacuum-extracted coffee brewed in the dude's Oakland loft that's packed with 40 times more caffeine than a normal cup of drip.
Spazzstick Caffeinated Lip Balm
For those who suffer from chronically tired lips, there's finally a solution. Spazzstick delivers your daily caffeine dose through a chapstick tube, which also boasts SPF 15 protection and "yummy flavors". Use it to stay awake on a long day, or to entice a sleepy girl to make out with you.
Contact Caffeine Soap
Laced with absorbing caffeine, these soaps come in man-appropriate scents like the spicy anise-/black pepper-infused Absinthe, the smells-exactly-like-leather Aeronaut, and one called Sex Panther, which is a blend of stuff like citrus, balsam, vanilla, and Paul Rudd jokes no one ever overuses. EVER!
Caffeinall
Thanks to the energy experts at Caffex, you can add a third shaker to your table set. Sprinkle this tasteless stimulant on your lunch and get a coffee cup worth of caffeine. Plus, its white powder provides a front for your caffeine addiction by making it appear as though you only have a coke problem.
Proteinaceous Coffee
Simultaneously jack yourself up on caffeine and 10g of protein with a cup of this "gourmet" instant coffee and its "revolutionary heat-resistant protein matrix" (just like the normal stuff, only whey cooler).
Sante Homme II Caffeinated Deodorant
Get your armpits amped with Sante Homme II's organic caffeine deodorant spray. In addition to caffeine, each bottle boasts a "manly and distinctive" scent with "woody-spicy nuances and fresh lemony touches", so you won't smell like the lockers at Starbucks.
Eruption Effervescent Energy
This alliterative energy/recovery supplement promises "no jittery feelings". You can add it to water for a morning boost, or mix it in with a stiffer drink for a nice alternative to ch-ch-ch-cherry bombs.
Zotes Sunflower Seeds
The Salt Lake outfit's taken seeds to next flavor-echelon, serving up 11 varieties including Spicy Nacho, Dill Pickle, Beer Baked, Tequila Lime, Hot Wings, Garlic Roast, and their caffeine-, taurine-, lysine-, and ginseng-loaded Energy Seeds, powerful enough to keep you awake through an entire baseball game.
Gamer Food
Stacked with ginseng, taurine, and caffeine, options include savory sunflower seeds, honey-roasted cashews, and ancho chili & lime peanuts known as the "Nuts of Destruction".
Organic Coffee Bean Eye Cream
Promising to depuff your face while it brightens dark circles, Organic Coffee Bean Eye Cream's secret is green tea and coffee bean extracts. As an added bonus, it's vegan and gluten-free, so you don't have to worry about dietary restrictions getting in the way of a delicious snack.
Energy Gummy Bears
If there's one complaint the confectioners of the world never stop hearing, it's this: "I like these gummy bears, but I wish there was just a little more sugar in them to make sure I never go to sleep." Enter Vat19, which has created 60-calorie packs of gummy bears with all the caffeine of an energy drink.
Zoom Hot Sauce
Chile Man bears the proud distinction of making hot sauce even more terrifying than it already is. Their Zoom Hot Sauce mixes caffeine with habaneros, resulting in one serious, eye-watering pick-me-up.
Perky Jerky
Inspired by a batch of their regular jerky that ended up marinated in energy drink spillage, the dried-meat-loving dudes behind PJ realized there was something to it, and boldly decided to make 100% natural beef jerky spiked with guarana, which contains twice as much caffeine as coffee.
See Also: 10 Bars With Extracurricular Activities
Octane Caffeinated Personal Lubricant
The people at Octane have engineered a lubricant that's better at keeping you energized than the musical stylings of Barry White. Each "serving" contains about 100 mg of caffeine, which, according to the company's website, will perk you up for five to 20 minutes, depending on your daily caffeine intake.
Skin Kiss Caffeine Tights
The UK-based company behind this marvel of modern science claims the caffeine can help ladies lose up to 2 cm around their thighs as well as improve skin texture. Just don't let your hosiery give you a caffeine headache.
Caffeinated Chocolate Milk Straws
Sorry to be the one to break it to you, but you're way too old to be drinking Yoohoo. Graduate to the big kid version with Caffeinated Chocolate Milk Straws, the mix that promises the same amount of caffeine as two and a half energy drinks. It's the perfect way to stave off fatigue and osteoporosis.
Youthful Trends Caffeine Make-Up Primer
In addition to dispensing extra energy into your skin, this primer will allegedly tighten pores, hydrate, and reduce facial sweating. Ladies, your lip gloss is looking lazy by comparison.
Wired Waffles
Skip your morning coffee entirely and get a breakfast buzz from these waffles in three and 12 packs. Flavor options include bacon maple, cinnamon, and sweet sugar, and if you feel like being extra jittery for the day, drizzle some of their caffeinated syrup on top and then somersault out the door.
Alpecin Caffeinated Shampoo
A would-be Just for Men rival, Alpecin Caffeinated Shampoo claims to slow down hereditary hair loss by sending caffeine to your hair follicles. It's made in Germany (which is why "caffeine" is spelled funny), but you can get some of this turbo-charged grooming product for yourself on Amazon.
Veronika Varekova is a Czech fashion model. Enjoy this gallery of her sexiest pics.
Veronika Varekova moved to New York City when she was 19 to attend the Parsons School of Design.
She climbed Mount Kilimanjaro in 2008.
She has modeled for both Sports Illustrated and Victoria's Secret.
Veronika Varekova stands 5' 10" tall.
She was born in 1977.
Varekova is a board member and Goodwill Ambassador for the African Wildlife Foundation.
She considers herself at home in Africa, New York City and Europe.
As far as sports go, Veronika enjoys golfing and tennis.
She is a volunteer at an orphanage in her home town of Olomouc.
Every year around this time we get bombarded with "Best of the Year" lists of movies that we've all seen. "The Avengers" made more money than most small countries so you don't need me to tell you that it was fantastic. Instead, here are ten really great movies that you probably didn't see in 2012. Enjoy!
10. Moonrise Kingdom
Probably the most heartfelt Wes Anderson movie to date, "Moonrise Kingdom" is full of great performances and exceptional direction. If you've enjoyed any of his previous films, this should definitely be on your watch list.
9. The Factory
I'm really not sure how this movie didn't get a theatrical release, especially boasting a strong cast lead by John Cusack and Dexter's Jennifer Carpenter. It's a solid crime thriller with a few really nice twists that definitely exceeded my expectations.
8. The Innkeepers
Ti West is quickly becoming one of the most reliable, solid horror and suspense directors in the industry. "The Innkeepers" does seem somewhat slow at times but in a world where we have 644 "Saw" movies a little pacing is a welcomed change.
7. Sound of My Voice
"Sound of My Voice" is about a couple that infiltrates a cult lead by a young woman who claims to be from the future. It's fascinating and surprisingly emotional, but the abrupt ending is probably what kept it from getting serious attention.
6. Killer Joe
The NC-17 William Friedkin film may not be for everyone, but Matthew McConaughey perfectly fills the lead role and delivers a performance that is twisted, hilarious, perverse, and most of all incredibly cool.
5. Silent House
Elizabeth Olsen won me over in "Martha Marcy May Marlene" so I was incredibly excited to see her in "Silent House." This is one of the more ambitious films you'll see, as it takes place in real time in a single uninterrupted shot. It's suspenseful and claustrophobic as the up close camera work makes us feel like we're with Olsen every step of the way.
4. Detention
"Detention" is the most ADHD movie I've ever seen and honestly I don't know how exactly to categorize it. Rotten Tomatoes describes it as "an apocalyptic fantasy, horror, science fiction, action-thriller, body-swapping, time-traveling teen romantic comedy" so I'll just leave it at that. It's a lot of fun and I wish a lot more people had seen it.
3. Red Lights
With a limited theatrical release and early negative reviews, "Red Lights" quickly disappeared from the public eye, which is quite unfortunate. "Red Lights" is full of A listers including Robert De Niro, Sigourney Weaver, a really nice performance from Cillian Murphy, and, once again, the lovely Elizabeth Olsen. Throughout the film we follow a team of researchers who debunk fraudulent claims of paranormal and psychic phenomenons until they come across De Niro who begins to cause the team to question everything they believe.
2. The Cabin in the Woods
The problem with "The Cabin in the Woods" is that it's so smart and meta that there was no way to do a trailer for it that fully represented the movie. It pokes fun at the horror genre at a level even further than "Scream" while paying homage to all the classics. If you've ever rolled your eyes at a stereotypical horror movie, you owe it to yourself to check out "The Cabin in the Woods." JOSS WHEDON MADE IT!
1. The Grey
When I first saw the trailer for "The Grey" I said out loud "Oh great, it's "Taken" but with wolves!" Then it was released in January, which if you don't know is the movie graveyard, so I said "Well this is going to be terrible." Was I ever wrong. "The Grey" is a 100% character driven survival tale that is as gripping as it is impactful. Don't break this one out for your guy's night unless you're ok with sobbing uncontrollably on your bros.
By Mike Olson
So you think Pete Carroll faking a punt with a 30-point lead was bad? The Seahawks head coach was a pillar of sportsmanship and restraint compared to these sore winners.
College Football: Georgia Tech 222 - Cumberland 0 (1916)
Technically, this blowout deserves an asterisk. Cumberland had shuttered its football program before the season, but George Tech-out to avenge a 22-0 baseball loss earlier in the year-threatened to charge a $3,000 forfeit fee if their non-team didn't show. The numbers after coach John Heisman's (yes, that Heisman) annihilation: Cumberland had 15 turnovers and -82 total yards; Georgia Tech rushed for 1,620-and never even bothered attempting a pass.
High School Baseball: Lake Highlands 50-ish - Samuell 0 (2011)
Perhaps this explains why "Friday Night Lights" wasn't about the competitive world of Texas high school baseball. The result of this Dallas area drubbing was so bad that no one's quite sure what the final score was. 50-0? 53-0? 57-0? (We do know Samuell went hitless and Lake highlands batted .647.) No matter. A mercy rule, um, mercifully ended the game in the fifth inning.
College Basketball: Grinnell 179 - Faith Baptist Bible 104 (2012)
OK, the final score wasn't that horrible, but there's a reason this Division 3 game led off "SportsCenter." That's because Grinnell's 5'10" sophomore Jack Taylor scored an NCAA record 138 points in the game, shooting 52-for-108 from the field and nailing 27 threes in his 36 minutes of action. "That's like a video game," said Carmelo Anthony after the accomplishment. "How can you shoot 100 times, though?" If 'Melo is wondering that, you know you've done something wrong.
Hockey: South Korea 92 - Thailand 0 (1998)
Sorry, Bulgarian women's team. Your 82-0 loss to Slovakia does not earn you the crown of biggest losers in the history of international hockey (Yes, hockey). That honor belongs to Thailand, who got their asses handed to them in the Asia-Oceania Junior Championships. Forward Donghwan Song, who did not go on to a have successful 13-year career with the Red Wings, scored a whopping 31 goals in the contest.
Soccer: Adema 149 - Stade Olympique de l'Emryne 0 (2002)
How do you get to such a lopsided result in soccer? It's easy when one team keeps intentionally scoring on itself. Taking a principled and incredibly thorough stand against biased refereeing that the team believed cost them a national championship, SOE turned own goals into an art form. The spiteful genius behind the plot, head coach Zaka Be, earned a three-year ban from the sport.
High School Football: Haven 256 - Sylvia 0 (1927)
The football team in the tiny, 600-person town of Haven, Kansas did more that pull off the biggest win in high school football history in this 38-touchdown outburst. Hell, it did more than go undefeated in 1927. Amazingly, the team didn't give up a point all season. Even crazier: the same batch of corn-fed players won the state basketball championship later that year.
High School Basketball: Morningside 103 - South Torrance 24 (1990)
Technically this was a final score, but the game only lasted one half before the South Torrance squad, decimated by fouls and injuries, packed up and went home. We have a theory why: 6'5" senior Lisa Leslie, who scored 101 points in her two quarters of action. Unfortunately, that left her five points shy of Cheryl Miller's record. But Leslie has gumption-she asked South Torrance's coach if the team would play long enough for her to score three more baskets. Shockingly, the request was denied.
Rugby: Australia 142 - Namibia 0 (2003)
First things first: we have no idea how they keep score in rugby. That being said, we're pretty sure this is still a walloping. To put this result in the Rugby World Cup qualifier into some context, the second best team in Australia's bracket, Ireland, scored 141 points in all four of their games combined. Namibia, on the other hand, scored 28, finishing 20th overall in a field of 20.
High School Football: South Atlanta 95 - Cross Keys 13 (2010)
Expectations were already low at Cross Keys after they lost games 77-7, 75-7 and 65-0 earlier in the 2010 season (In fact, the team was so bad that they lined their QB up 12 yards behind center). Still, it would get worse in this ugly loss, the ugliest drubbing Georgia had seen in two decades. To add insult to injury, a defensive South Atlanta coach emphasized after the game that he wasn't being a dick-in fact, his team only ran two different plays the whole second half. Gee, thanks.
Soccer: Australia 31 - American Samoa 0 (2001)
Do you believe in miracles? What about pure, unadulterated ass-kickery? In a World Cup qualifier so lopsided that it earned its own Wikipedia page, the Aussies put up the largest winning margin in the history of international play, with Archie Thompson breaking a record by scoring 13 goals. There was some fine print, however, as passport issues limited American Samoa to just one regular, forcing a bunch of amateurs (some as young as 15) into action. The bloodbath was so bloodbathy that FIFA would add a whole new preliminary round to the Cup in 2006.
Anna Sophia Berglund is an American Playboy Playmate. Here's a gallery of some of her sexiest shots (that we can show you).
Anna Sophia Berglund was born in 1986.
She was rumored to have dated Hugh Hefner (of course).
Berglund has Swedish ancestry.
She received a degree in Theatre from UCLA in 2008.
Anna Sophia Berglund stands 5' 6" tall.
She enjoys surfing, swimming and golf.
Anna has appeared on a few television shows, including "Hannah Montana" and "Desperate Housewives."
Her measurements are 34D-25-36.
Berglund was the Playmate of the Month in the January 2011 issue of Playboy.