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A Hockey Player Got His Throat Slashed By A Skate

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Odds are you missed Sunday's KHL game between Slovan and Yugra Khanty-Mansiysk, and that's probably because you were busy doing anything else.

But according to Yahoo! Sports, one of the players on the ice lived through every hockey player's worst nightmare when an opponent's skate slashed his throat, sending him racing to the sideline to stop the bleeding.



Remarkably, Yugra head coach Pavel Yezovskikh said forward Vitaly Sitnikov would be "fine" after going though surgery to get "everything sewn up." Ladislav Nagy's skate somehow managed to miss all major arteries, and Sitnikov is slated to miss just tomorrow's game for now.

In a related story, Russian hockey players and coaches' last names are nightmares, and spell checker doesn't seem to care too much for them either.

Taking a skate to the face looks like it also sucks balls: Hockey Player Slices Face On Skate While Celebrating Win

 

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Can Somebody Help This Guy Find His Friend?

Today's Funny Photos

These 14 Anal Text Fails Will Make You Cringe

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There's nothing wrong with being an anal person...depending on the context, of course. The following creeps aren't exactly the neat and tidy types, though. And surprise surprise, that just happens to be their demise 99 percent of the time. You see, rather than carefully constructing a play on words that might actually get them into the back door they so obviously crave, they go for a more blunt approach. Let's see how it works out for them in this collection of the the most painfully pathetic anal text attempts.

I guess she's as smart as she looks.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


Worst pep rally ever.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


Air ball.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


Pull out!
funny anal texts, anal text fails


I'm so (faux) embarrassed.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


Sounds very unsanitary.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


How do you like them apples?
funny anal texts, anal text fails


Never set them up for a "your mom" joke.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


Smooth transition.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


I guess not all women are suckers for poetry.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


Persistent son of a gun, isn't he?
funny anal texts, anal text fails


You had her at "hello." Shoulda stopped there.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


You're better than that, Chels.
funny anal texts, anal text fails


Touché.
funny anal texts, anal text fails
Related: 11 of the Meanest Ex Texts of All Time

 

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Anger Management: Tips and Tricks to Tackle Your Outbursts

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We all get angry. It doesn't matter how many yoga classes you take or how much pot you smoke, things are going to get under your skin. We can all learn how to handle our outbursts better. A friend of mine recently needed to go through a four-session anger management program in order to get his season tickets to a certain NFL team back. He'd been kicked out by security one too many times. These are the highlights of what he learned, so you don't have to wait until a judge orders you to do so.

The Vicious Circle
Anger Management Tips and Tricks, Stress Management Tips
There are four major components of anger that can escalate a situation. The inner world consists of thoughts that trigger strong emotions or hot thoughts. This is any thought you have that makes you upset with someone. For example, "Why is our quarterback so stupid?" Mood is the next part that can add irritability. For example, your team has been losing all season, or for multiple seasons, and now you just wake up on Sundays already cranky. Bodily systems is the next piece of the mad pie. Hearts start racing, temperatures flair and it suddenly gets harder to breathe. The fourth component is the inclination to act on the other three. Behavior transpires to arguments, attacks, running away, and even crying fits.

Recognizing these escalating stages is a great way to chill out and stop the cycle.


The Thinking Error
Anger Management Tips and Tricks, Stress Management Tips, it's them not you
A major fault for people with anger problems is taking everything personally, like your favorite team is losing just to specifically ruin your week. The classic way to spot a person like that is one who always thinks people are sizing them up, challenging them, or humiliating them. These people always ignore the positive, tend to think in black-and-white terms, or want everything to be perfect.


Breathing Leads to World Peace
Anger Management Tips and Tricks, Stress Management Tips, yoga, breathe
You will be hard pressed not to find breathing exercises in any anger management course. So much of the coping advice out there is about taking a step back and taking some deep inhales. Aside from retreating, getting a massage, or meditating, breathing seems to be the cure all.


The Self-Proclaimed A-Hole
Anger Management Tips and Tricks, Stress Management Tips
A lot of rage issues come from people's beliefs of themselves. Ever heard a guy say something like, "I know I'm hard to deal with, but it's who I am." That person almost always ends up making good on that belief and makes you try to avoid them in the hallways. It's because they hold on to past experiences that made them jerks, rather than let go.

People who do better in anger courses are ones that can let the past go and focus on being a more positive moving forward.


Laughter is the Best Medicine
Anger Management Tips and Tricks, Stress Management Tips, laughing, laughter
The coolest people aren't that way because nothing bad ever happens to them or their sports teams -- even the New England Patriots lose games. Those people just don't let the bad crap get to them. They just laugh it off. While you might not ever see someone like team head coach Bill Belichick outwardly laugh, you can bet your ass he's laughing at all of us on the inside.

The next time someone tries to rile you up, just laugh at them. You'll never be sent to a "laughing management" course.


Stress is the Scapegoat
Anger Management Tips and Tricks, Stress Management Tips
Anger management course materials also focus on stress and stress management. So much so, that you'd think the anger management course was actually "stress management" in disguise. For most people, especially men, stress and anger follow each other as naturally as one fireball shot follows another. If you notice that little things like bad punts and losing coin-flips are making you angrier than normal, it's time to reduce your stress level by doing whatever makes you feel better: hiking, strip clubs, screaming at the fathead of your team's star player, whatever. You know yourself best. No judgment.

Related: How a Guy Reduces Stress and Calms The Nerves

 

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Famous People Who Died Before They Were Actually Famous

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Before all of the madness of the Internet, getting famous was very much a slow burn. Many people did what they did not for fame, but because it was their calling. Some of them were broke alcoholics with no better ideas, and some of these people would probably be glad they weren't around to watch their work take on strange forms. Wes Craven got out just before the terrible TV adaptation of "Scream," and now let's check out other famous people who died before they were famous.

James Dean
People Who Died Before Fame, James Dean
If you were looking for lots of history on the career of the late, great actor, you are likely come up empty-handed, as Dean's career lasted about a year. During that time, he made three movies, two of which came out after his death. One of them was "Rebel Without a Cause," a film that is widely considered a motion picture classic and so iconic that the Library of Congress added it to the National Film Registry, who deemed it "culturally, historically, and aesthetically significant."


Bruce Lee
People Who Died Before Fame, Bruce Lee
When the martial artist passed in 1973, he was not widely known in America at all. Though he had a stint acting on "The Green Hornet" TV series, the show was cancelled early. Lee died the month before the release of his iconic film "Enter the Dragon," one of his most famous works to date, which made more than $200 million, making it a high-grossing film for its time.


Vincent van Gogh
People Who Died Before Fame, Vincent van Gogh
When the late painter committed suicide, not many people even knew him, since he was never widely known until after his death in 1890, mostly due to his eccentric personality and his inability to maintain normal social relationships. He produced most of his work just before his death. His work picked up momentum in the late 1890s and his peak was in the early 1910s, but nowadays his 2,000-plus pieces of art are worth a large fortune, some in fact worth more than $100 million each today.


Franz Kafka
People Who Died Before Fame, Franz Kafka
"The Metamorphosis," along with many of Kafka's other well-known works, almost never saw the light of day. Due to his father's scrutiny of his lifestyle and his overwhelming insecurity, the writer commonly burned most of his work. His dying wish was that his friend would burn the remnants of his work after he passed, only his friend ignored said wish and now we have lots of great literature because of it.


Emily Dickinson
People Who Died Before Fame, Emily Dickinson
The go-to poet for all of life's poignant, sappy occasions was actually hardly published before her death, only 10 poems seeing the light of day before the recluse passed in 1866. Today, thanks to her sister discovering her hidden manuscripts, we now have nearly 2,000 original works of Dickinson, after a couple of family squabbles were ironed out. And it only took 89 years to get there.


Henry David Thoreau
People Who Died Before Fame, Henry David Thoreau
Although "Walden" was published during his lifetime, it only gave him so much recognition as a writer, so little that he continued to work in a pencil factory and wrote for newspapers during his career. Decades later, a man named Henry Stephens Salt wrote about Thoreau in a biography, earning him the recognition he now has as one of the greatest poets in history.


Stieg Larsson
People Who Died Before Fame, Stieg Larsson
The late writer passed in 2004. Over the course of the next 10 years, his series of "The Girl With the Dragon Tattoos" would be published and be the first to sell a million copies on Amazon. The three-book series went on to be adapted into a trilogy of Swedish films, its first film then remade into an American hit, starring one of our favorite James Bond actors, Daniel Craig. Larsson's work is now set to carry on without him, starting with the release of "The Girl in the Spider's Web."


Edgar Allan Poe
People Who Died Before Fame, Edgar Allan Poe
A pioneer of new writing styles, including detective fiction shorts and the American Romantic Movement, Poe wrote anonymously and made very little money for the things he did publish. His original work on "The Raven," a hugely popular poem today, earned him $9. His death, whether attributed to heart disease, rabies, alcoholism, or possibly suicide, was the start of his fame, as people grew curious about the writing of a man who lived such a dark life that ended in such a uniquely disturbing fashion.


Herman Melville
People Who Died Before Fame, herman melville
A little ahead of his time, Melville wrote "Moby Dick" to a group of bad reviews, earning very little and eventually being forgotten. Today, we celebrate Melville still in schools, as "Moby Dick" has become a wealth of knowledge in U.S. school's required reading. Too bad his obituary spelled his name wrong, calling him Henry instead of Herman. Does it seem the "Most Interesting Man in the World" is based on this burly beauty?


Uncle Sam
People Who Died Before Fame, Uncle Sam
Here's a fun fact: The original Uncle Sam, Samuel Wilson, was a popular meat-packing butcher from New York who supplied troops with food in the War of 1812. After his death in 1854, he was popularized into a patriotic caricature for political cartoons.

Related: 10 Famous People Who Cheated Death

 

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16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb

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Some animals have dumb faces, just face it. The following members of the animal kingdom look like Eli Manning on a good day. That is, incredibly stupid. So without further ado, let's get our zoology on.

Alpaca
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, Alpaca
The alpaca likes to roam in the grass and make goofy faces. It was first bred for its wool, but as of late it's been primarily used to make dope memes. They have long necks, beady eyes, and are sometimes compared to Taylor Lautner.


Manatee
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, Manatee
As the great Jim Gaffigan once said, manatees look like retired football players. They're fat, slow, and usually roam up channels cause they can't hack it in the sea. The name "manati" comes from the Taino word for "breast," which makes sense because they look and jiggle like a pair.


Capybara
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, Capybara
The capybara is the largest rodent in the world. It has a body like a whiskey barrel and a squinty face that looks as if it just sucked a lemon.


Meishan Pig
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, Meishan
Straight outta China, this pig has a hairy back and Dumbo ears. When they've accumulated enough fat, it begins to droop over their face in a disastrous fashion.


Tube Nosed Bat
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, island tube-nosed bat
The tube-nosed bat is a native of Australia, and its primary feature is its nose, which looks like an evolutionary mistake. Even though it is relatively small in size, a full-grown man could stick his entire finger up its nose and dig for nuggets.


Celestial Eye Goldfish
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, celestial eyed goldfish
This breed of goldfish is defined by its upward-facing telescope eyes, which look asinine. I would say they resemble puppy dog eyes, but I've never considered puppies asinine, so that's out.


Warthog
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, warthog
Warthogs have mullets, and if you're honest with yourself, you'll submit that humans who have mullets tend to be the dumbest of the bunch.


Exotic Shorthair Cat
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, exotic shorthair cat
I can already hear the offended cat people crying. Face it, the exotic shorthair cat looks like someone splashed it with a bucket of ugly before flattening its face with a steamroller.


Naked Mole Rat
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, naked mole rat
With buckteeth and a corpse-like body, the naked mole rat burrows deep into the earth, away from judgment.


Pink Fairy Armadillo
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, pink fairy armadillo
The Pink Fair Armadillo is the smallest breed of armadillo. It is native to Argentina and is currently a threatened species, likely due to its shell's utter uselessness.


Snub-Nosed Monkey
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, snub-nosed monkey
I could make a joke about a certain celebrity who shall remain nameless, but I have class. The snub-nosed monkey has dark, lifeless eyes and a faux-hawk. As we all know, faux-hawks are extremely dumb-looking. But to be fair, these creatures do have very kissable lips.


Tapir
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, tapir
Tapirs are known for their proboscis, which flops around and picks vegetation from all directions.


Purple Frog
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, purple frog
The purple frog can be found in Western India. They look perpetually surprised, probably wondering how they survived the evolutionary process.


Elephant Seal
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, elephant seal
Elephant seals occupy the same oceanic region as great white sharks, which begs the question: Why the hell haven't they died off? They're fat, loud, and slow. They may be cognizant of their morbid obesity, because they're super ornery and will bite your arm off if you point and laugh at them.


Irrawaddy Dolphin
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, irrawaddy dolphin
Dolphins are often considered the smartest animals in the ocean. But every family has a "special" member in it. The Irrawaddy dolphin is constantly smiling, much like Simple Jack. It's home is the Bay of Bengal.


Chinese Crested Dog
16 Animals That Simply Look Dumb, Weird Looking Animals, chinese crested dog
This hairless dog looks like a Hollywood actress who never made it.

Related: 20 Famous People Who Look Like Animals

 

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This Is What Happens When You're Trying To Be A Thug And Your Mom Walks In


This Mom Ruined Her Son's Chance To Finally Get Some Action

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"You need to get upstairs and put your pajamas on, and you're not leaving!"

Don't you just hate it when you're about to get some mouth-loving from a gal and then your mom cock blocks you and tells you to get to bed? That's pretty much what happened to the dude below who was "this close" until his mom crushed everything.

And the exchange was thankfully filmed for us to see:


Better luck next time, kid.

You learn something new everyday: Mom Finds Strange Toy On Son's Shower Wall And Shares Image On Twitter

 

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Kylie Jenner Sports Ass-Less Latex Outfit In Hot Photo Shoot

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It was just a few months ago that Kylie Jenner was showing off her goods for Terry Richardson in a photo shoot, but now she's taken it a bit farther, this time by posing for Interview Magazine in plenty of hot outfits.

Kylie was recently photographed by Steven Klein, and some of the pictures include Kylie rocking an ass-less latex outfit for some reason. But hey, we aren't complaining at all.

Check out some of the shots from Kylie's most recent photo shoot:

She looks stunning!! - @kyliejenner for Interview Magazine (photographer Steven Klein) #KylieJenner

A photo posted by Supawifey (@kylie.shoot) on



Kylie for Interview Magazine||| #kyliejenner #tendenciasv

A photo posted by M (|) V (🔵) A(❤️) (@tendenciasv) on



Kylie for Interview Magazine||| #kyliejenner #tendenciasv

A photo posted by M (|) V (🔵) A(❤️) (@tendenciasv) on


Kylie photoshoot for Interview Magazine ❤️ @kyliejenner #kyliejenner

A photo posted by Open This Page 15/6 (@kyliejenner.official) on


We're also OK with this: Kylie Jenner Broke Her Nail, So It's Sexy Selfie Time

 

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10 Things That Happen When You Crack The Screen Of Your Phone

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You never realize how much you stare at your phone until that terrible, awful day when you drop it and put a giant crack in the middle of that thing. It's awful. It's one of the worst things you could wish on another person. If you've never had it happen to you before, don't worry because death comes for us all at some point. Here are ten things that happen when you crack the screen of your phone.

You Live in Constant Fear
Before your screen ever cracks, you're constantly worried about it. You put it in an Otter Box full of bubble wrap and dipped in shipping peanuts. You can't let anything happen to it. But guess what? As much as you tried to keep it safe, you make one little mistake, your phone falls the wrong way, and now your screen is shattered. You're not a cracked-screen person. This is the worst thing that could have possibly happened.

10 Things That Happen When You Crack The Screen To Your Phone, Funny
You Can't Type Correctly
You try to text or do a web search, but it's always a jumbled up mess. Since the crack is right over the T key you have to fully rely on autocorrect. Plus your name is Matthew or Everett or Timothy, so you can't even sign your name. It's like you're constantly looking through a kaleidoscope.

You Become Ashamed of Your Phone
You try to ask out girls, but they take one look at your phone and know your life is in shambles. What upper management member would ever even consider giving a promotion to someone that can't even keep a screen intact, let alone a branch of the company? You keep it hidden like it's your digital Man in the Iron Mask. You can't let this secret get out.

10 Things That Happen When You Crack The Screen To Your Phone, Funny
Your Friends and Even Strangers Start to Mock You
Eventually people start to notice. They say things like, "How'd you crack your phone?" or "We're going to beat you with broomsticks unless you get that awful cracked phone out of here!" It starts to wear on you emotionally, and also physically, because of the broomsticks.

10 Things That Happen When You Crack The Screen To Your Phone, Funny
You Finally Decide You've Had Enough and Flee Into The Woods
This is no way to live. You abandon every social norm and run into the woods as fast as you can. Even being constantly chased by the Blair Witch couldn't be as bad as this constant ridicule. You just can't keep feeling like you're living in a Staind song.

You Just Keep Running
You never look back. Branches whip your face and cut your cheeks, but that pain is nothing compared to those who mocked you over your cracked screen. You have to escape. Not since Arnold Schwarzenegger in "The Running Man" has someone been more committed to fleeing for their life.

10 Things That Happen When You Crack The Screen To Your Phone, Funny
The Mocking Words of Your Peers Haunt You Day and Night
Sometimes, late at night, you'll run your finger over that cold, cracked screen just to feel it lightly scratch your skin. With every delicate indention it makes, you're reminded of their haunting words. Your parents ridiculed you, your wife left you, and your children wouldn't even look you in the eyes. This is truly the lowest point of human existence.

10 Things That Happen When You Crack The Screen To Your Phone, Funny
Then You Realize There Are Stores That Offer iPhone Screen Repairs
Oh, wait, why didn't you look on Yelp? For like $80 this kind gentleman in a backwards Yankees cap said he could repair your screen. Is this a mirage in the desert of your life, or has joy crept its way back into your heart?

You Get It Replaced And Everything is Right in the World Again
Success! Your phone is repaired and so is your emotional state! Flowers smell better than they've ever smelled. The sunlight feels a little warmer on your skin. It's like the breath of God has blown down through your hair and onto your screen, gently swiping from one app to the next. What a glorious day!

10 Things That Happen When You Crack The Screen To Your Phone, Funny
Then You Find Out It's a Cheap Garbage Screen and Everything Goes to Hell Again
Turns out that too-good-to-be-true deal was actually too good to be true. The screen wasn't officially licensed. As a matter of fact, it seems to be made out of Reynolds plastic wrap. Now you're out $80 and your screen is worse than ever. Townspeople are gathering torches. You'll never be able to show your face around here again. What's the point anyway? Maybe it's not the phone that's cracked; maybe it's your heart. Stupid lack of Apple Care.

 

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Weird News: More People In Switzerland Are Having Sex With Horses

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It looks as though collecting stamps no longer has the lure that it once did.

According to the New York Post, people having sex with horses is on the rise in Switzerland, as 10 percent of the country's reported cases of the maltreatment of horses last year involved human beings taking them to pound town.

people having sex with horses is actually a problem in Switzerland
There were 105 reported cases of horse abuse last year in Switzerland, a country with an estimated 110,000 horses living on 18,000 farms. So if our math is correct, that means 10.5 people decided to get freaky with a nag in 2014, which would make sense only if one of them decided to play a game of just the tip.

Still, that's 10.5 too many.

Perhaps even more disturbing than those numbers is that one Swiss newspaper estimates that 10,000 of Switzerland's citizens have some form of zoophilia, and that's, well, gross.

In any case, somebody might want to think about shipping a few thousand PlayStations to Switzerland as soon as possible, as it sounds like people there are beyond bored.

This horse might have some trouble getting laid: We Should All Be As Happy As This Farting Horse

 

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Glitter Pits Is A Real Thing That Is Currently Happening

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It seems that gals letting their armpit hair grow wild and free wasn't liberating enough, so they have decided to up the ante by including one important feature: glitter.

That's right, folks, women everywhere are giving their armpits some sass by rubbing them with glitter. There is no word yet if Lady Gaga started this movement, but boring, glitter-less hairy pits are so last year, so let's take a look at some glitter pits:

Glitter pits are a thing #pride2013#glitterpits#gay

A photo posted by Ava Yelena (@niceleghair) on


it was a #glitterpits kinda evening. helloooooo #Debauchery! I LOVE YOU!

A photo posted by Laika Fox (@laika.fox) on



#glitterpits

A photo posted by Tia Nina (@tianinarocks) on


Pit-tastic #glitterpits

A photo posted by Hervembs (@hervember) on



#glitterpits #bigwedding #barrelofmonkeys

A photo posted by cyclopticcupcake (@cyclopticcupcake) on




Now excuse me while I head to Party City and grab myself some glitter.

 

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Abigail Ratchford Plays Dress Up In Glorious New 2016 Calendar Photos

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abigail ratchford 2016 calendar, abigail ratchford iconic calendar, abigail ratchford wonder woman, abigail ratchford sexy photos, hot models, sexy girls
A little less than a month ago, we told you of an upcoming calendar from model Abigail Ratchford which features her posing as Kim Kardashian among several other iconic women throughout history. We now have a little more information regarding said calendar we'd like to share with you. Coming in 2016, "Iconic" will feature 12 months of Abigail dressed as everyone from Kate Upton to Janet Jackson (with a little Eve from the Bible's own 'Adam and Eve' story for good measure). Now that we've toyed with you long enough, here are several shots from the calendar which Abigail has been kind enough to upload to her Instagram page. Let's see how many you recognize.

🔪🔪🔪 Today for the last look of my calendar 🍦🍦 #KateUpton #GQ💋

A photo posted by A B I G A I L 👑🐝 (@abigailratchford) on








Just for kicks, here's one final post from Abigail's page featuring behind-the-scenes footage of her "American Beauty" shoot.


Related: These Sexy Abigail Ratchford Photos Are Our New Favorites

 

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Kim Kardashian West Bares All in Black and White Desert Sands

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Kim Kardashian is back in black and white -- and in the desert heat.

The expectant mom bares all with photographer Kesler Tran in the California desert, posing in pictures with paint streaked in her hair, arms, breasts and iconic curves in an artistic way.

Kim Kardashian Desert Photo Shoot with Kesler Tran
Credit: www.KimKardashianWest.com

"I was trying to get pregnant soon and wanted to savor this moment!" gushes the expectant celebrity mom, with an impressive pictorial body of work.

"We went out to the desert and just had fun and shot this so fast," she says. "We ate KFC Fried Chicken on the way there and got In-N-Out Burger and donuts on the way home."

Speaking of finger-lickin' good...

Kim Kardashian Desert Photo Shoot
Credit: www.KimKardashianWest.com

The 35-year-old star also shared more desert hot snaps from the shoot through her Instagram. Take a look.





Related: Kim Kardashian Shares Hot, Racy Picture to Celebrate 42 Million Instagram Followers

 

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'Santa Claus' Stole A Helicopter In Brazil Last Week

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So that's how he gets all of those toys to the good girls and boys across the world in just one night.

According to Mirror, a man dressed as Santa Claus who walked into an air taxi service in Sao Paulo last Friday and told them he needed to rent a helicopter for a Black Friday promotion instead stole the chopper and took the pilot hostage in a bizarre turn of events.

Santa Claus steals helicopter in Brazil

Police said once Santa was airborne, the jolly old fat man forced the pilot to land the helicopter on a small farm outside of the city where another man was waiting for them. Santa and his little helper then tied up the pilot and left him at the farm while they jumped back in the chopper and made a run for it.

The pilot was able to escape a few hours later and alerted the authorities, but neither Santa nor the helicopter have been seen since.

In a related story, it's official: Santa has stones the size of grapefruits.

Santa has also murdered people and robbed banks: 10 Crimes Committed By People Dressed As Santa Claus

 

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'Urine Black Holes' May Have Solved The Urinal Splashback Problem

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Of course, the new technology won't do you any good if you keep missing the urinal, fellas.

According to Gizmodo, an assistant professor and graduate student at Utah State University have developed a urinal insert that acts as a "urine black hole" and eliminates the splashback that usually turns your $250 pair of True Religion jeans into nothing more than piss-stained denim.

Scientists may have solved the splash back problem with urinals
Tadd Truscott and Randy Hurd presented their findings in Boston last week at a meeting of the APSDFD, which of course stands for American Physical Society's Division of Fluid Dynamics. They concluded that there are three types of urinal inserts, and while one definitely stands out above the rest, none of them are really doing the job.

There is an absorbent cloth that is designed to "keep splashing to a minimum," but Truscott and Hurd said that if you see one of them, you're better off moving to another urinal because it can't absorb your piss fast enough, making the splashback even worse once it becomes saturated.

The second and third inserts are "honeycomb structures with pillars" and just "arrays of pillars," but in both cases, those pillars are too short. The result is usually a collection of your urine in a little pool, which of course leads to wearing khakis being a really bad idea.

Truscott and Hurd decided to work with the array of pillars design, as it seemed to work best. Their solution was to make it out of a material that resembled Syntrichia caninervis, which of course is "sufficiently spongey to absorb water with very little splash." Naturally, they chose vantablack, a material that has been dubbed the "blackest material ever made."

Hence the term "urine black hole."

Of course, you're still better off sitting down when you pee, but then you might as well throw your man card in the toilet as well.

Now, on to that whole "rat in my toilet" issue: Watch How Easily A Rat Can Go Up Your Toilet And Then Never Go To The Bathroom Again

 

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When Your Significant Other Tells You To Dress Up, Things Always Get Sexy

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I think someone once said that in order to keep the fire in your relationship burning, you have to keep surprising your significant other. It could have been Steve Harvey or one of those 50 daytime talk shows I DVR. Either way, the guy below decided to do just that, as he left a surprise for his significant other. Check out what he did for her and remind yourself that love isn't dead after all.

Funny, Things Always Get Sexy When Your Significant Tells You To Get Dressed Up

Funny, Things Always Get Sexy When Your Significant Tells You To Get Dressed Up

Funny, Things Always Get Sexy When Your Significant Tells You To Get Dressed Up

Funny, Things Always Get Sexy When Your Significant Tells You To Get Dressed Up
This Spider-Man reboot may finally work.

Via Tumblr

Anything for love: Guy Dresses Up As His Girlfriend To Take Exam For Her

 

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Buffalo Chicken Finger Looks a Lot Like a Penis, Seriously

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Imagine this: you're chowing down at one of your favorite dine-in eateries and midway into your next bite you make this odd discovery:

Phallic-Looking Chicken Finger, Penis looking Chicken Finger
We have heard of Jesus sightings in food, but phallic ones, too?

One internet user took to social media to share a series of snaps of a buffalo chicken finger that appears to look a lot like penis even equipped with a fried, breaded... scrotum.

Phallic-Looking Chicken Finger, Penis looking Chicken Finger
Well-endowed wasn't what one diner had in mind with their "large" plate.

Phallic-Looking Chicken Finger, Penis looking Chicken Finger
Dirk Diggler, eat your heart out. This takes playing with your food to newer, weirder heights.

Via HuffPo

Related: 20 More Photos of Things That Look Like a Penis Because Screw Maturity

 

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Hair Tie Sends Kentucky Woman To Hospital With Deadly Infection (Warning: Graphic Images)

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