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Kevin McCallister From 'Home Alone' Grew Up To Be A Psychopath

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When you think of Macaulay Culkin (and who doesn't?) you probably think of those classic "Home Alone" films. But trying to take down two thieves fully intent on murdering you could damage you forever, and Culkin showed exactly that in the fantastic video below.

In the first episode of the new web series titled :DRYVRS, written and directed by Jack Dishel, Culkin plays a grown-up version of his iconic film character Kevin McCallister, but this time he's driving around an Uber car for his wife. Check out how crazy things get from there in the video below:


I guess your family accidentally abandoning you twice has quite the effect.

h/t Buzzfeed

Kevin had no mercy: The Injuries From 'Home Alone' Analyzed

 

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Rita Ora Sings 'Jingle Bell Rock' In Sexy 'Mean Girls' Inspired Video For Love Magazine

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Gentlemen, your holiday just got a bit sexier.

Pop music chanteuse Rita Ora does her best rendition of "Jingle Bell Rock" for the December 2015 edition of Love Magazine.

Rita Ora Does a Sexy 'Mean Girls' Inspired Rendition of 'Jingle Bell Rock'

In a festive "Mean Girls" inspired video, shot by British editorial photographer Sam Faulkner, the 25-year-old singer sports a shiny red Santa-inspired bikini top with matching leather skirt and does sexy choreography in some killer high heels. She also adds her own little twist with a surprise flash of her butt (or "bum" if you're British).

Rita Ora Sexy Santa's Little Helper for Love Magazine

Check out the full rendition below.



The magazine also shared another snap of the sexy singer from the video shoot on their official Instagram.

What a sexy Santa's Little Helper she is.

Related: Rita Ora Is More Than Just 'Hot RIght Now'

 

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Iowa Man Stabs Roommate Over Dirty Dishes

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We're trying to figure out which is more pathetic, stabbing your roommate over dirty dishes or being in your 50s and not being able to afford your own place in Iowa.

According to KCRG, a 55-year-old Des Moines man was arrested Wednesday evening after he allegedly stabbed his 48-year-old roommate with a cheese knife following an argument about dirty dishes.

Iowa man stabs roommate over dirty dishes
Police said they found the victim standing in the kitchen with a stab wound in his lower back when they arrived. They also found the 55-year-old dude in another room with a "bloody blade" next to him, which he said was the cheese knife he was holding when he got pushed by his roommate, claiming he was forced to use it in self-defense.

Police thought that story was pure dog shit, so they arrested him on suspicion of stabbing his roommate.

You would think that simply ordering a housekeeper to do the dishes once a week could have prevented the stabbing, and for the record, the average rate for someone to clean your kitchen is only $12.75 per hour. Although if you still need a roommate when you're 55 years old, then odds are that coming up with that chicken scratch would be a real bitch.

How about getting stabbed while having a threesome on your birthday? Texas Man Stabs Roommate Who Was Having A Birthday Threesome

 

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Woman Gets Nine Years In Jail For Burning Her Lover's Genitals With A Hot Iron

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Nine years just doesn't seem like enough, fellas.

According to The Sun, a 31-year-old Nigerian woman who had been attending college in the U.K., was sentenced to nine years behind bars this week after she burned her lover's cock and balls with a hot iron and then shanked him with a broken bottle.

woman burns man's genitals with hot iron
Kenya Alozie was found guilty of grievous bodily harm with intent after she used the sizzling hot iron to scorch a man's legs and package ... wait for it ... while they were having sex on May 15. She then stabbed him with a broken bottle for an encore.

The man, said to be in his 30s, managed to escape but had to undergo numerous surgeries and treatments because of the attack.

Alozie had attended Coventry University, but her student visa was expiring, meaning she had to return to Nigeria before the end of May. Police thankfully caught her at London's Heathrow Airport as she was trying to leave the country and charged her with the crime a day later.

Greenwich Police Detective Constable Duncan Clark said Alozie's nine-year sentence "reflects the seriousness of this extremely violent attack," although we beg to differ. I mean, if those were my genitals that got torched by a hot iron, I would have asked for the death penalty.

Here's another guy who should have run a background check on his boo: Woman Sets Cheating Boyfriend's Penis On Fire Because Hell Hath No Fury Like A Woman Scorned

 

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Probably The Worst Full-Court Shot Attempt Of All Time

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Graceful is probably not a word that is often used to describe anything Oklahoma City center Enes Kanter does in his life, and it sure as shit doesn't apply here.

With time winding down in the third quarter of Wednesday night's 106-90 curb stomping of the Trail Blazers, the ball found its way into Kanter's hands, and the big man decided to heave the sucker the length of the court despite the fact that the buzzer had already sounded.

And oh, and it made it the length of the court, all right. And that's pretty much all you can say about it:
Hopefully somebody associated with the Thunder took care of replacing any $15 beers that were lost as a result of that garbage.

h/t Deadspin

This is pretty much the exact opposite:High School Basketball Player Hits Two Half-Court Shots To Win Game

 

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Today's Funny Photos

10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Made Christmas Songs

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Christmas has its own corny soundtrack. It's almost as if you couldn't have the holiday without the songs. Songs that are supposed to be the very merry expression of the season. But many of those songs suck so softly they have been known to cause projectile puking, and they may even make you an asshole.

Thankfully, others have found a way to take the goodwill-on-earth feel of those well-loved songs and shove it right up ol' Santa's fat red ass, then flip him over, kick him into a mosh pit, and see how he fares. What kind of heathens turn Christmas carols into such rebel songs? Well, that would be the fearless iconoclasts who dare to be the most unlikely musicians ever to put out Christmas songs.

Snoop Doggy Dogg, "Santa Claus Goes Straight to the Ghetto"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
With a name and groove plucked from James Brown's funky plea to Santa to skip the rich kids' neighborhood and head someplace he's actually needed, the 1996 Death Row version has a similar bite. Still, I'm pretty sure if Santa did encounter Snoop, Daz Dillinger, Nate Dogg, Bad Azz, and Tray Dee rollin' in a '64, he'd probably want to trade sleighs, or at least hang out for a while. A lot of pretty lively Christmas parties are depicted in Christmas song videos, some on this very page, but none of those parties are like the one that Snoop and his homies are rolling to. Unfortunately, this video missed quite the opportunity to let portly and jolly Suge Knight dress up as Santa Claus, he would have been perfect.


Twister Sister, "A Twisted Christmas"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
The fact that these guys ever happened is actually somewhat unlikely, considering their stylist, but hey, what do you expect from a band from Long Island in the '80s? What a decade, where a group of guys could dress up as their favorite pro wrestlers and get paid to record "We're Not Gonna Take It" again, only this time with the lyrics to "Oh Come All Ye Faithful". Even more surprisingly, they put out an entire hair metal Christmas album, which, all in all, actually makes you miss the old standards.


Spın̈al Tap, "Christmas With the Devil"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
There's a lot of rocking Christmas songs out there, but this is the only one that goes to 11. Thanks in no small part to bassist extraordinaire Derek Smalls, the only man who can pull off red latex leathers emblazoned with a giant Luciferian trident tail. But it stands to reason that most folks would play a more powerful bass while balanced by a third leather leg. Three chords and a tail. That's rock 'n' roll. Although it doesn't exactly do a whole lot for Derek's balance. Of course, Derek recovers, and he and Nigel Tufnel, David St. Hubbins, and another doomed drummer go on to rock so hard they wake up the most metal little elves you ever saw. Christmas rock commences mightily. And Satan laughs a wicked laugh.


Guns N' Roses, "White Christmas"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
A white Christmas takes on a whole new meaning when sung through Axl Rose's nose. But whatever was going on in the recording studio for this one, they were definitely gassed up, cause the band rips through Irving Berlin's traditional Christmas classic with all the intensity of GNR's best stuff. This is the kind of Christmas I could get into. The kind that would make Bing Crosby, Danny Kaye, and Rosemary Clooney have a White powdery Christmas and a threesome. Sadly, Bing's version, the best-selling single of all time, seems to be a bit more widely adored this time of year.


The Boy Least Likely To, "Christmas Isn't Christmas"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
Okay, these twee-pop chaps didn't really make the list because they're all that unlikely to make Christmas music. They're excruciatingly soft, and that's about all it takes to write a standard Christmas song. Really, most their stuff kind of sounds like Christmas music. But could we really have a list about unlikely musicians doing Christmas music without at least mentioning a group that put out an album titled, "The Boy Least Likely To Christmas Special"? It seems unlikely.


Dread Zeppelin, "All I Want For Christmas Is My Two Front Teeth"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
Dread Zeppelin is pretty much the most unlikely band in the world, regardless of the season. They're basically a reggae Led Zeppelin cover band with a Fat-Elvis impersonator front-man. I love reggae. I love Zep. I love Fat-Elvis. And I love love. But all love need not intermingle, regardless of what Californians try to tell you. After the novelty wears off, this band gets annoying quick like a bunny. And the band gets annoying even faster when they're singing Christmas songs (as pretty much anyone would). This song in particular is a hunka hunka burning shit. I'd rather hear the little girl without any front teeth sing it. And that would make me an asshole.


Bad Religion, "Christmas Songs"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
You wouldn't expect a glorious send up to the seasonal standards from a group that calls themselves Bad Religion and sings a song as scathing as "American Jesus" (which takes on extra sting with Eddie Vedder on background vocals), but I'll be damned if I've heard more inspired caroling in my whole life than on their album "Christmas Songs," which is full of piercing, urgent punkish renditions of yuletide classics, replete with dynamically layered harmonies that would make the Mormon Tabernacle blush in shame. Shame. This is one of the few times "O Come All Ye Faithful" actually makes this Jewish kid want to hail in exultation. But if I would have known there was headbanging involved in adoring Christ the Lord, I might have believed sooner.


Tom Waits, "Christmas Card From a Hooker In Minneapolis"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
If you're upset that you didn't get any Christmas cards this year, this song should help you reassess that stance. In his inimitably boozy fashion, like he just chased ash with Old Grand Dad, Waits tells the tale of a hooker who writes her old flame Charlie to express her season's greetings and her pregnancy with Charlie's child. She then recounts a story about finding someone else to raise Charlie's kid, so he doesn't have to worry. But by the end of the song, she changes her tune, not about the seasonal greetings, but about the benefactor boyfriend. Turns out she's in jail and needs money. But the good news is she'll be out by Valentine's Day! See, you don't need Christmas cards anyways.


DMX, "Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
Just because this song started out as a brilliantly conceived Power 105 promotional stunt, that doesn't mean DMX's "Rudolph" doesn't deserve entry on this list. Sure, he didn't exactly put this song out as an official release, but it's still better than any other version of this song. DMX lays it righteously down in one snarling take. On the spot. Dark Man X, the fiercest rapper alive, doesn't need a sheet full of lyrics, all he needs is a beat, which he ill-ly drops on his own, then turns the once spineless carol into a full-on jam, replete with Come-ons and Ughs and Whats and Forevers. Which is nearly as impressive as memorizing every reindeer's name. Well, maybe that's what happens when you have 12 Christmas-loving kids.


Henry Rollins - "Twas the Night Before Christmas"
10 Unlikely Musicians Who Have Put Out Christmas Songs
Before he went caroling with Stephen Colbert, Rollins pretty much flipped off "A Visit from St. Nicholas," a poem/song that has had "massive impact" on why we give gifts in the first place. And Hank actually makes the idea of Santa visiting a scary fucking prospect. There's helicopters circling, gun shots firing, hypnotic bass lines thumping, possessive sirens wailing, and general discomfort weaving into a terrifying tale of St. Nick's imminent breaking and entering. It's actually kind of a brilliant idea. What if, instead of painting this harmonious vision of a snow covered Christmas morn, with ruddy Santa happily delivering gifts, then sleighing away with a few more cookies and another nip—what if instead we raised the next generation of kids to fear Santa? Present him as Hank Rollins coming down the chimney to beat your ungrateful ass with a red sack full of coal? We'll see how badly those little brats want the new iWatch then.

Related: If You Like Any of These Christmas (Holiday) Songs, You're An Asshole

 

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Dog Humps Thanksgiving Turkey, Mom Still Serves It

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I know Thanksgiving is in the rearview mirror and we're all fully focused on stressing out about presents now, but this is just too disgusting not to share. Here's a dog doing what dogs do: humping something it shouldn't. That's not too out of the ordinary. The problem is it's humping the meal everyone will be eating in a couple of hours. And the mom's solution is not what most sane people would consider a good idea.

dog humping thanksgiving turkey

I'm sure it went great with the cranberry sauce.

Via Instagram

 

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Today's Funny Photos

The Funniest Family Christmas Cards of All Time

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The holiday season is upon us. It's the time of year to cherish loved ones, gather around the fire and take hilariously cringeworthy photographs of each other. That's what these people did, and the results were glorious.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, nerd christmas
We can all guess who wears the pants.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, no smile christmas
Nothing but smiles.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, ho ho ho christmas
A literal pimp daddy.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, karate christmas
The baby's chest hair is a nice touch.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, goth christmas
A not-so-merry Christmas.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, naked dad christmas
"Mom, Dad's naked again."

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, nativity dog
Amen.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, turtleneck christmas
The "Kid Dynamite" special.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, naked family christmas
Sideboob aside, I'm still calling child services.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, bro bathtub christmas
A bi-curious Christmas to all!

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, dog face swap christmas
I'm strangely mesmerized by this.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, santa saxaphone guy
His pants are around his ankles.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, christmas photo pets
Not one of those pets looks pleased.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, dogs head swap christmas
Photoshop masterpiece.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, reindeer outfits christmas
A family of good sports.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, inappropriate mom christmas
"What the hell are you wearing, Mom?"

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, baby daddy christmas
A true baby daddy.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, redneck christmas
Deep-fried southern Christmas.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, baller christmas
Baller.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, man giving birth christmas
A man giving birth to a reindeer.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, cheesy nerd christmas
Ho homo.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, dog doll christmas
This guy looks eerily similar to his bulldog.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, dog kick christmas
One dog roundhouse kicking the wife, the other dog laughing his head off.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, christmas explosion walk
How it feels when you're done with Christmas shopping.

funny christmas cards, funny christmas photos, jurassic park christmas
They smell the Doritos.

 

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10 Movies You Need To See In 2016

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Before you read this, sign into Fandango or your movie ticket retailer of choice. You're going to want to book some seats early. We just closed out a hot year of movies, but guess what: 2016 is going to be even better. Hollywood has some serious blockbusters on the slate from superhero slugfests to hilarious comedies. Hell, we'll even throw a chick flick on here in case you have a hot date. Pop some popcorn, compadre, because these are the 10 movies you won't want to miss in 2016.

The Nice Guys
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, the nice guys
Shane Black is one of those Hollywood names you need to know. His scripts made the first "Lethal Weapon" movies huge hits, and his 2005 directorial debut "Kiss Kiss Bang Bang" is one of the best cult movies of the century. He's writing and directing "The Nice Guys" in 2016, which stars Ryan Gosling and Russell Crowe as a pair of private investigators looking for a missing girl. Black is a master of hilariously mean dialogue and brutal action, and this is poised to be the sleeper hit of the summer. See it in theaters so you can brag about it later to your friends.

Passengers
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, passengers
Now that Jennifer Lawrence is free of "The Hunger Games," expect to see her stretching out in some interesting directions. Next year sees her in Norwegian director Morten Tyldum's "Passengers," with Chris Pratt playing an astronaut accidentally awakened from cryogenic sleep who can't handle spending the next 90 years alone in transit. Hence, he wakes somebody else to keep him company. The last space movie with a cast this small was "Gravity," and that was pretty awesome. So we have high hopes for this one.

Captain America: Civil War
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, captain america civil war
Saying the phrase "Marvel Cinematic Universe" out loud should earn you a brutal wedgie, but you can't deny that the superhero films that make it up are damn good. The third Captain America flick adapts a recent storyline where the government cracks down on all these super-powered vigilantes running around, with Cap on one side and Iron Man on the other. When two bros collide, the whole world hangs in the balance. "Civil War" brings back all of your favorite characters from the last Avengers movie and introduces a bunch more like the Black Panther (not to mention the first appearance of Spider-Man in the MCU).

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, batman v superman dawn of justice
There's a lot riding on Zack Snyder's upcoming flick, which pits the two most iconic DC superheroes against each other. DC simply hasn't been able to pull the trigger on the big screen apart from the Christopher Nolan Dark Knight movies (although their TV shows are perfectly fine). The watchwords for this one are "grim and gritty," which could work or backfire horribly. Either way, it's going to be one of 2016's must-see movies, especially for the debut of Ben Affleck as Batman and Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman.

Ghostbusters
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, ghostbusters
With a third movie in the franchise rumored for decades, the announcement of an all-female "Ghostbusters" reboot made some oversensitive nerds very angry. But with a cast that includes Kristen Wiig, Melissa McCarthy and Leslie Jones, along with cameos from just about everybody from the original flick, it's shaping up to be pretty solid. Casting Chris Hemsworth as the team's nerdy receptionist is a stroke of genius in itself. The best rumor that we've heard from the set? Sigourney Weaver requested to be cast...as Slimer.

Zoolander 2
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, zoolander 2
It's been fifteen years since the original "Zoolander" came out, but the actors haven't aged a day. Or if they have, a ton of makeup and CGI will make it look like they haven't. Ben Stiller returns as international male supermodel Derek Zoolander, brought in by Interpol to investigate a rash of murders where the corpses all sported his trademark "Blue Steel" facial expression. Will Ferrell returns as Jacobim Mugatu, and the cast boasts a litany of bizarre cameos including Macaulay Culkin, Kanye West and Benedict Cumberbatch. Sure, "Anchorman 2" wasn't so hot, but we've got our fingers crossed for this one.

Snowden
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, snowden
Oliver Stone's upcoming biopic about one of the most controversial Americans of our time is going to be a major conversation piece. Edward Snowden is the former NSA analyst who obtained a ton of classified documents about American wartime activities and leaked them to the press, blowing open the global surveillance network we were using to illegally spy on our own people. Joseph Gordon-Levitt stars as Snowden and the buzz on this one is already very loud.

The Boy
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, the boy
The year 2016 has plenty of horror movies on the slate, but we're especially excited for "The Boy." Lauren Cohan (Maggie from "The Walking Dead") stars as a nanny brought to a tiny English town to care for a little kid. When she gets there, she finds out that the young one has passed away and the parents have replaced him with a lifelike porcelain doll which they expect her to treat like a real child. She goes along with it, but then things get even weirder. It's a dynamite premise that hopefully will follow through when it hits theaters on January 22.

The Great Wall
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, the great wall
Legendary Chinese director Zhang Yimou has been working on this 3D science fantasy epic for decades, and it's going to be a spectacle if nothing else. Matt Damon stars alongside Chinese mega-talent Andy Lau, an incredibly prolific and successful actor making his U.S. film debut after over 30 years in the business. The details of the plot are still under wraps, but we know Damon plays a European swordsman who travels to China to repel a horde of demons and somehow transforms the Great Wall into a massive weapon, which sounds awesome. What's interesting about this film is that it's a very real joint effort between the Chinese and American film industries, attempting to appeal equally to both cultures. It'll be interesting to see if they manage to pull it off.

Deadpool
2016 movies, must see 2016 films, deadpool
Another superhero movie? Sure, but this one is going to be a little different. Ryan Reynolds reprises his role as the Merc with a Mouth in 2016, and the hardcore geeks are hyped. Deadpool is a horrifically deformed killer for hire with a Wolverine-esque healing power that lets him bounce back from any injury. The character's demented humor has made him a fan favorite, and the early trailers that have dropped show that the script gets exactly what makes him popular. Throw in some old-fashioned ultraviolence — the flick is one of the very few superhero films to get out the door with an R rating — and you've got a bro movie for the ages.

 

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Steve Harvey Fails Hard At Miss Universe, Announces Wrong Winner

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While he has spent years having to listen to people say the most ridiculous things on "Family Feud," the biggest fail of the year, ironically, came from Steve Harvey himself when he apparently forgot how to read on last night's Miss Universe.

Aside from having to choose through an assortment of pocket squares for the night, the only job Steve had was to announce the runner-ups and winner of the night. And he did that correctly until it came to announcing the first runner-up, which he stated was the Philippines, making Colombia Miss Universe.

There was one tiny mistake, though; Colombia was the actual first-runner up and the Philippines was the true winner, making it one of the most awkward moments of the year. Take a look at the cringeworthy moment below:


Steve quickly apologized on stage: "Listen, folks. Let me just take control of this. This is exactly what's on the card. I will take responsibility for this. It was my mistake."

Miss Colombia, Ariadna Gutierrez-Arévalo, was then forced to give up the crown on stage to the Philippines' Pia Alonzo Wurztbach in what has to be the shortest reign ever.




Steve then attempted to apologize on Twitter, but he failed again when he misspelled Colombia and the Philippines in a now deleted tweet.

Steve Harvey, Miss Universe, Steve Harvey Fails Hard

Steve then tried again:


Miss Universe pageant officials had this to say: "The excitement of live TV was evident tonight on the Miss Universe stage with over 10 million live fan votes tabulated," pageant officials said. "Unfortunately, a live telecast means that human error can come into play. We witnessed that tonight when the wrong winner was initially announced."

The Internet of course had a hell of a good time laughing at Steve. Check out some of their reactions:






Survey says you just screwed up big time, Steve.

Via NBC News

Steve needs a huge mental break: Steve Harvey's Mental Breakdown Continues With This 'Family Feud' Answer

 

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The Craziest Dan Bilzerian Photos of 2015

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While the majority of us were busy looking for the perfect filter to showcase that picture of the dessert we ordered so we could show it to our 40 followers, Dan Bilzerian was busy posting pictures of guns, naked women and zoo animals in what was one insane year for Dan.

Check out the craziest Dan Bilzerian photos of 2015:

Dan for president?
If Donald Trump somehow has a chance to be president, Dan should as well as he posted a picture of himself on a private jet with Jessa Hinton sporting a "Bilzerian '16" t-shirt.

Yoga made interesting

I said I wanna go to the gym... She said that position is called the sexual frog

A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on

Yoga has never interested me, but I've also never been to this type of class. I really need to look up some yoga classes like this; preferably ones that include Lindsey Pelas and Khloe Terae.

Traffic doesn't seem so bad now

I'm guessing this thing will end up in the ocean by the end of the day... 📷 @bp2269

A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on

When Dan is behind the wheel, he prefers that hot women are in the car with him...and outside of the car, too.

The only way to play video games
While the idea of playing video games on a massive TV is appealing, the idea of playing video games on a massive TV while surrounded by half naked women is a tad more appealing.

Pet goat anyone?
If you aren't lucky enough to get hot, half naked women to play video games with you, having a pet goat keep you company is also pretty normal.

Dan's thoughts on gun control

Selfie Sunday's @rosieroff @misssierrarene @steph_m_snyder @jazelle_1 @jordancarverofficial

A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on

Well, that's one way to showcase your thoughts on gun control; just tell Rosie Roff and other hot women to pose with them while half naked.

Not exactly Supercuts

They originally came to bleach @gbaroth's anus

A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on

Sure, it's a drag to sometimes get your hair cut, but it's not much of a drag when hot women and their boobs are pressed up against you.

How Dan takes his snacks
Sure, paper plates might be easier to eat from, but Dan prefers having his fruit lie on a naked woman while another naked woman feeds him.

Well that's one way to learn about the lord

Bible study

A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on

Dan captioned this photo "bible study," because it's always important to learn about your religion.

When you make your own army
Because what else do rich people do with their time?

Just a normal vacation for Dan

Cruisin

A photo posted by Dan Bilzerian (@danbilzerian) on

Sometimes you work so hard on hanging out with guns and naked women that you need a break.

Dan spend $650K on a party because party favors are pricey
Craziest Photos Of Dan Bilzerian
Here's a receipt of how much Dan put down on one party. I was about $650K short at my last party.

 

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Miley Cyrus Freaks Us Out Again In Her New Topless Photo Shoot

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Don't try to understand Miley Cyrus, because I don't think anyone knows what's going on.


Miley once again has gone completely strange on us, this time with her most recent photo shoot for Plastik magazine; a magazine that you probably have never heard about but will now thanks to Miley. From nipple pasties to what looks like a picture of her coming out of a womb, Miley shared some pictures from the shoot on her Instagram:




Stay weird, Miley.

h/t Zimbio

Miley isn't a big fan of being tame: Miley Cyrus Goes Completely Naked For Candy Magazine

 

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Fascinating Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

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Take a break from filling up your arteries with awful stuff while yelling at your television set about a play that didn't go your way, and instead read some facts about men that you probably had no clue about. From heavier men being happier to carrots being good for fertility, these facts will be enough to impress your friends during halftime while they remind themselves never to invite you over again.

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Facts About Men You Probably Never Knew

Via The Chive

Always good to learn about your best pal: 20 Fun And Fascinating Facts About Male Genitalia

 

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This Hot Twerking Elf Is What The Holidays Are All About

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The holidays are super stressful, and now that we are on the final stretch it's probably best that you kick back, relax and remember what the holidays are truly about: hot girls finding an excuse to twerk.

So here's a sexy elf who had some time to kill and spent it showcasing her ass in her bedroom. Sure is a Merry Christmas.


h/t Playboy

More holiday twerking: Lexy Panterra's New Twerking Video Will Keep You Entertained All Holiday Weekend Long

 

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8 Reasons Why John Cena Should Fight Me (And Why He Would Definitely Lose)

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Reasons Why John Cena Should Fight Me (And Why He Never Will)
This is officially my open challenge to John Cena to fight me anytime and anywhere he wants. Sure, on paper he has pretty much every advantage you could possibly need to win a fight, but that's not going to happen. Not only am I confident I could take him in a fight, I'm fairly certain most of you could as well. Enough beating around the bush; here are 8 reasons why John Cena should fight me and why he'll never do it because he and I both know he would absolutely lose.

1. He still wears jean shorts.
Imagine you have millions of dollars and can buy whatever clothes you want. Then you start every morning by opening your closet door and just seeing miles and miles of denim. But not full on denim jeans. No sir. We're talking about jean shorts as far as the eye can see. If I'm fighting Cena I'm wearing sweatpants. Jean shorts have such limited mobility so I've already evened the playing field. Now we're basically the same speed which means I can hit him and by the time he denims around to see what happened I'm already hitting him again from the other side. Plus he has belt loops! I'm rocking no belt loops, which means he has nothing to grab onto. I'd grab him by those loops and toss him out like everyone did with their jean shorts after 2003.

2. My finishing move doesn't require me to wave my hand in front of my face and run back and forth across a ring over and over.
Guess what John? I can see you. I don't know what 4-year-old told you that putting your hand in front of your face makes you disappear, but while you're waving at yourself I'm gonna be grabbing a chair to break over your back. Plus I'm not just going to lie there while you run back and forth to do your dumb stumbling punch finisher. If I can render your finisher useless by moving six inches to the right, it's not very good.

Reasons Why John Cena Should Fight Me (And Why He Never Will)
3. I don't have to worry about impressing children and keeping them as fans.
It's really nice that he gives fans high fives on the way to the ring and hands them his little Limp Bizkit Fred Durst armband, but I don't need to waste my time on that. Plus I'm not even waiting for your intro music to end. You think you're gonna walk out and dance around while your pyro goes off? Nope. I'm either running out and hitting you on your way to the ring, or I'm getting in there early and pointing the pyro at you so it shoots directly into your face so you look like Aaron Eckhart at the end of "The Dark Knight." Sorry kids, I gotta look out for what's best for me.

4. I've never started a fight by doing a freestyle rap while dressed like a cartoon cereal mascot.
Sure he doesn't do this anymore, but remember when he used to come out and do some corny freestyle about his opponent like a Catholic church rap battle? While he's trying to figure out a good word that rhymes with "choke slam" I'll be pulling a Tonya Harding on his kneecap and moonwalking out with a win before he even has time to take off his idiotic outfit that looks like the set of "Can't Hardly Wait" threw up on him.

Reasons Why John Cena Should Fight Me (And Why He Never Will)
5. I wasn't in "The Marine."
This is one of the ultimate Cena weaknesses I would exploit. If we got into a war of words, no matter what he said about me could instantly be countered with, "Well at least I wasn't in 'The Marine.'" It's so devastating there's literally nothing you can do to recover. Like this:

Cena: I made love to your mom.
Me: You know that terrible movie "The Marine?" You starred in it lol.

Boom. Done. Roasted.

Reasons Why John Cena Should Fight Me (And Why He Never Will)
6. A lot less people yell "YOU SUCK" when I walk into a room.
If you've ever been to a live WWE event you've no doubt heard a sea of people singing his theme song but with the words "John Cena sucks." This has never once happened to me. Are there always a few people that yell about how much I suck when I walk into any given room at any given time? Sure. But thousands? Highly unlikely.

7. My strategy for a No Disqualification Match is much smarter.
Cena has been in several matches where there is no disqualifications, which means you can do anything you want to win. This idiot just hits his opponent with chairs or tosses them through a table WHICH ONLY CUSHIONS YOUR FALL, BY THE WAY. Not me. I'm hitting him with something, but it's not a DDT. It's a Honda Civic. As soon as he comes out I'm driving straight down the ramp and crashing into him like Dave Matthews in the '90s. He'll be the house to my drunken Billy Joel. Good luck kicking out of that one before a three count, Johnny.

Reasons Why John Cena Should Fight Me (And Why He Never Will)
8. Seriously, I had nothing whatsoever to do with "The Marine."
I can't stress this point enough. That movie was so bad and he's on the cover of it, while I had no part of it at all. Looks like I found your Achilles heel, pal.

Or you can just take it out on your girlfriend: This Guy Using WWE Finishing Moves On His Girlfriend Is The Best Wrestling Video Ever

 

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The Best Sporting Events Of 2015

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Much like the first 57 times I had sex, I might be a little premature here. But with time running out in 2015, odds are we've already seen the best the sporting world has to offer this year. I mean, the first horse racing Triple Crown winner in 37 years. The NFL's largest second-half comeback in conference title game history. The biggest upset in UFC history. What a year!

Here's what we deemed the best sporting events for each month of 2015. Enjoy.

January 18, 2015 - Seattle Stuns Green Bay in the NFC Championship Game
2015 NFC Championship Game
Thanks to four first-half turnovers, including three Russell Wilson interceptions, the Seahawks were down 16-0 at halftime to the visiting Green Bay Packers. And still down 12 points with just 3:52 left to play in the game, it looked as though Kirk Douglas had a better shot at running a marathon than Seattle did at advancing to the Super Bowl. But a quick touchdown followed by an onside kick, another touchdown, a ridiculous two-point conversion and a six-play, 87-yard touchdown drive in overtime changed all that.


February 1, 2015 - New England Wins Super Bowl 49 Thanks to Late Interception
Malcom Butler Super Bowl 49 pick
The Seahawks needed just one yard for the go-ahead score and still had a timeout in their pocket with 25 seconds left when Russell Wilson surprisingly threw the ball on 2nd down instead of handing it off to Beast Mode. Oh, and the guy he threw it to was Malcom Butler, a cornerback for the New England Patriots. The Patriots held on to win 28-24, and Seattle head coach Pete Carroll's play call was ridiculed by everybody from Al Michaels to my mom.


March 19, 2015 - Georgia State Upsets Baylor 57-56 in the NCAA Tournament

Georgia State head coach Ron Hunter tore his Achilles just four days earlier when his Panthers won the Sun Belt Conference championship game, so he had to coach this his team's second-round NCAA Tournament game on a rolling chair. Down two points to the heavily-favored Baylor Bears with less than five seconds to play, Hunter's son R.J. launched a three-ball that would have been plenty good in the NBA. And when it found nothing but the bottom of the net, his dad was so excited that he fell out of his chair, providing us with one of the greatest and funniest father-son sports moments of all time.


April 4, 2015 - Wisconsin Ends Kentucky's Undefeated Season With 71-64 Final Four victory
Badgers beat Kentucky in Final Four
Perhaps the best game of the 2015 NCAA Tournament was a Final Four rematch between two schools who met for another thriller last year. The Kentucky Wildcats entered the contest 38-0 and looked to be an even deeper, more talented and somehow younger team than the previous year's squad. The Badgers had been heralded by experts as the one team who could potentially end the Wildcats' run. The game featured 11 ties, seven lead changes and piss-poor officiating, and when the dust had settled, it was the Badgers who emerged victorious this time around.


May 15, 2015 - Steph Curry Hits 62-foot Three-Pointer to Bury Grizzlies in NBA Playoffs

If you were unaware that Golden State's Steph Curry is the best player in the NBA, welcome back from your coma. The eventual NBA champions were clinging to a 3-2 series lead over the Memphis Grizzlies, and late in the third quarter Game 6 of the Western Conference Semifinals, it looked as though Memphis might have enough in the tank to send it back to Oaktown for a deciding Game 7. What was once a 14-point Warriors lead was now just five, and Jeff Green had a chance to make it a three-point game as the quarter drew to a close. But pretty much the exact opposite happened when Curry picked up a loose ball and drained one from 62 feet away at the buzzer, crushing the souls of both the Grizzlies and their fans in the process. The Warriors closed out the series with a 108-95 win, and the rest was history.


June (tie) - American Pharoah Wins Triple Crown and Jordan Spieth Wins Second Consecutive Major
sports events of the year
Both a human and a horse had one of best years their respective sports had ever seen in 2015. American Pharoah became the first horse to win the Triple Crown since Affirmed did it way back in 1978. After winning the Kentucky Derby by just one length, AP blew out the field in both the Preakness and Belmont Stakes to make horse racing history and then went on to win the Breeders' Cup for good measure, making him the only horse to ever win the sport's "Grand Slam."

sports events of the year
Not to be outdone, Jordan Spieth won both the Masters and U.S. Open before the age of 22, making him the youngest golfer ever to win those majors in the same year and just the sixth overall. While his Masters performance in April was one of the most dominant the PGA Tour had ever seen, his U.S. Open victory was a tad more suspenseful. After birding the 18th, Spieth entered the clubhouse with the lead at -6, but Dustin Johnson was just one shot back and had a chance for an eagle to win it. The putt stayed high and left Johnson with a short birdie attempt that would have forced an 18-hole playoff the following day. He didn't hit that one either. Spieth won the trophy, but Johnson still got to go home with Wayne Gretzky's daughter.


July 5, 2015 - The USWNT Defeats Japan 5-2 to Win the World Cup
US Women win World Cup
It was Heartbreak City four years earlier when Japan defeated the U.S. women in an epic shootout to win the World Cup, but Lady Liberty wouldn't be denied this time around. As far as suspense goes, this one was pretty much the exact opposite. Carli Lloyd scored the fastest two goals in FIFA history, and the U.S. was up 2-0 just five minutes into the game. Lauren Holiday scored a few minutes later to make it 3-0, and then Lloyd scored again from midfield to make in 4-0 just 15 minutes into the game. And then everybody in America changed the channel to watch something else.


August 30, 2015 - Chicago Cubs Ace Jake Arrieta No-hits the Los Angeles Dodgers
Jake Arrieta throws no-hitter against Dodgers
Asking to pick one baseball game to sum up your season is almost as difficult as being a Cubs fan. Although by the looks of things, the North Siders seem to be on the verge of bringing an end to their fans' pain and suffering in the very near future. After averaging more than 94 losses the last four seasons, the Cubs were one of baseball's best stories in 2015, as new manager Joe Maddon led his young team to the NLCS for the first time since the Bartman episode. And a lot of it was thanks to the right arm of Jake Arrieta, who put together one of the most dominant second halves of the season the game has ever seen. In 15 starts, Arrieta went 12-1 with a 0.75 ERA and 113 strikeouts in just over 107 innings of work. One of those victories and 12 of those strikeouts were registered at Chavez Ravine on the final night of August when Arrieta's dominance was on full display as he no-hit the Los Angeles Dodgers.


September 19, 2015 - Ole Miss Upsets Alabama 43-37 in Tuscaloosa

Alabama's only loss of the season came in a game that featured 80 points and 936 total yards. Despite committing five turnovers, the Crimson Tide still had a chance to pull this one out thanks to 20 fourth-quarter points. The entire 60 minutes were almost as entertaining as watching an Ole Miss grad try to read, as every time you thought the Rebels were going to pull away, Alabama would rally to make it close. And every time you thought Alabama was finally going to take charge, something like the tipped prayer for a touchdown would happen instead. It was by far the craziest play in college football until, well, the following month. See what we did there?


October (tie) - Toronto Defeats Texas in Epic Game 5 of ALDS and Michigan State Beats Michigan on Blocked Punt Returned for Touchdown
Jose Bautista in ALDS Game 5
Game 5 of the ALDS had it all, but it was the 7th inning that will live on in infamy. It took 53 minutes to complete and featured a rule so stupid that even the umpires didn't know what in the hell was going on out there, an 18-minute delay because fans littered the field with garbage and $12 beers, three errors by the same team and a three-run home run and bat flip for the ages. Toronto would win 6-3 and advance to the ALCS.

But if you thought it couldn't get any crazier than that inning, well, you're wrong. Just three days later, Michigan hosted Michigan State at the Big House in a battle of two of the top football programs in the country. Michigan led the entire game, and with just 10 seconds remaining, all they had to do was punt the ball away for the victory.

Yeah, that didn't happen:


Sadly, when Michigan State's Jalen Watts-Jackson was tackled into the end zone, he broke his hip. And that's probably exactly what happened to many elderly fans who fell out of their chairs after watching that play.


November 14, 2015 - Holly Holm Upsets Ronda Rousey
Rousey knocked out by Holm
On November 14, the impossible happened: Ronda Rousey lost a fight. When Holly Holm's kick knocked Rousey out cold in the second round, it marked the most devastating loss for Las Vegas sports books of any fight in history. One representative for the Golden Nugget said, "Everything we won on college football, we gave back on that fight." So if you had the stones to lay a hundred bucks on Holly Holm before the biggest upset in UFC history, then congratulations on your $1,250 payday.


December 3, 2015 - Aaron Rodgers Finds Richard Rodgers for 61-yard Hail Mary to Win
aaron rodgers hail mary
Packers fans will be the first ones to tell you that they have no idea what in the hell is going on with their beloved team this year. After losing back-to-back home games to the Lions and Bears (oh my), it looked as though Green Bay was about to get swept by Detroit for the first time since 1991. Well, unless Aaron Rodgers could throw the ball to one of his receivers 61 yards down the field with no time left on the clock. That's exactly what happened, and now you know why he crawls into bed with Olivia Munn and you don't.

The "Best of 2015" train rolls on with a lot of nudie pics that shouldn't have been sent: The Wildest Snapchat Stories Of 2015

 

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Canadian Mom Takes Breastfeeding Pic With Santa, Internet Goes Nuts

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If red coffee cups get some people pissed off, you know that a woman popping out her boob to feed her baby in front of Santa is probably going to cause people to have heart attacks. And boy did it ever.

Rebecca Dunbar was waiting in line at the mall with her baby in St. Catherine's, Ontario, when one of her year-old twins started going nuts because he was hungry. The mom came to the rescue and supplied that little guy with some milk. She was also next in line and thought it would be funny to continue her maternal activity while on Santa's lap. Take a look at what unfolded:

Mom Takes Breastfeeding Pic With Santa, Internet Goes Nuts

Hell, even Santa got in on the action. (He even has the same reaction I had when I first saw a boob -- which is the same reaction I got when a woman agreed to get naked in my presence. Man, so many memories.)

Obviously, some people were pissed off and bashed Rebecca:

Mom Takes Breastfeeding Pic With Santa, Internet Goes Nuts
I'm sure that minister wouldn't mind.

Mom Takes Breastfeeding Pic With Santa, Internet Goes Nuts
Take your shawl and find an exit door, Yolande.

Mom Takes Breastfeeding Pic With Santa, Internet Goes Nuts
Listen, Cindy, show your goods once in a while and maybe Santa would pay you a visit.

But some people didn't give two shits, and actually gave Rebecca kudos:

Mom Takes Breastfeeding Pic With Santa, Internet Goes Nuts

Mom Takes Breastfeeding Pic With Santa, Internet Goes Nuts

Mom Takes Breastfeeding Pic With Santa, Internet Goes Nuts

Watch an interview with Rebecca Dunbar here:



Keep doing your thing, Rebecca.

h/t Someecards

No Santa here: Here's Eric Decker's Wife Breastfeeding On Instagram

 

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Oklahoma Man With 'F--k Cops' Tattoo On His Forehead Arrested By Cops

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We're going to go out on a limb and guess that Paul Terry is not a member of the Oklahoma state legislature.

According to The Smoking Gun, the 26-year-old Terry was arrested Saturday night after he and his girlfriend allegedly robbed her ex-boyfriend inside his Tulsa home a day earlier.

Police had no problem linking Terry and Sonja Moro to the crime for a number of reasons. For starters, the victim used to sleep with Moro, so he was able to identify her in more ways than one. And second, the man said Moro's accomplice had "identifiable tattoos" on his face.

Those identifiable tattoos? You guessed it: Devil horns, puckering lips, two lighting bolt teardrops and the words "FUCK COPS" inked just above his eyes.

Oklahoma man arrested with fuck cops tattoo on his forehead

Even more surprising than Terry's choice of tattoos has to be the fact that he has a girlfriend, a young lady with eyes that function properly, who has looked upon him numerous times and said, "Do me."

And here's the mugshot of a guy who had sex with his dog: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull In Front Of His Neighbors

 

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