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Leaked Script From the Mid-Season Premiere of 'The Walking Dead'

February 7, 2013, 11:23 pm
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by Gary H. Miller

After a couple months without it, AMC's "The Walking Dead" returns this Sunday, February 10. But if you're like us, you're so impatient that you want to know what happens in the next episode right now. Well, lucky for you, a script of the first few scenes from the mid-season opener has leaked online. No need to worry about spoilers, though. If you don't catch on to why that is shortly into reading it, you're probably just about as dumb as a walker.

AMC, The Walking Dead. leaked script

AMC, The Walking Dead. leaked script

AMC, The Walking Dead. leaked script

AMC, The Walking Dead. leaked scriptAMC, The Walking Dead. leaked script

AMC, The Walking Dead. leaked script



















 

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The Deadliest Plants in the World

February 7, 2013, 11:54 pm
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  • Thinkstock
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    Leaves of three, let it be; leaves of five, try to stay alive. Just because plants (usually) don't move doesn't mean you can trust them not to try and kill you. From carnivorous plants that can dissolve live rats to hallucinogenic flowers that can destroy your conscious mind, here are ten green and growing things that are out to get you.

    MEAT EATERS

    Uh-oh, here they come: carnivorous plants that have evolved specialized "organs" to trick, trap, and digest unsuspecting critters. While the most famous example is the Venus Flytrap, the most widespread type are pitcher plants of the genus nepenthes, which lure prey into a slippery vase-shaped leaf full of sweet liquid, only to digest them when the various bugs, spiders, and whatnot drown or tire themselves out trying to escape. The largest examples of nepenthes are large enough to trap and kill vertebrates and mammals as big as rats, and some suspect that the Philippine nepenthes attenboroughii actually specializes in luring furry animals to their hideous death. Yikes!

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    HEMLOCK: THE THINKING MAN'S DEATH SENTENCE

    Like most families, the Apiaceae family of aromatic herbs and spice plants has one member nobody likes to discuss: hemlock. While most of these plants are content to add a dash of zest to your meal (or in the case of carrot and celery, become part of it), hemlock will straight-up paralyze your heart and lungs with a high enough dosage, making it a very risky ingredient for your pasta salad. Hemlock is well known for its use as an execution poison of the ancient Greeks, most famously administered to Socrates for the crime of being a wise-ass, and the Socratic association made it a go-to reference when famous writers (Diderot, Keats, Hemingway) wanted to name-drop a fancy poison. Those seeking a hip, modern, New World alternative to common European hemlock should look up water hemlock, described by the USDA as "the most violently toxic plant that grows in North America."

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    NERIUM OLEANDER: BEAUTIFUL BUT DEADLY

    To most of us, the word "Oleander" means one of two things: an attractive flowering evergreen shrub common to many gardens or a generic mid-90s post-grunge band that would be entirely forgettable if not for its oddly euphonic name. To botanists, oleander refers to Nerium oleander, one of the most poisonous (and prettiest) common garden plants. Every part of the oleander is toxic, and while reduced concentrations of oleander have been used in folk medicine to treat a number of skin diseases, pure oleander sap can damage your eyes, wreck your guts, and even stop your heart. Oleander exists today as one of the best reasons to teach your children not to eat flowers or to listen to mediocre alternative rock bands of the mid-to-late '90s.

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    WHITE SNAKEROOT: THE STEALTHY ASSASSIN

    The plant that came closest to changing American history forever, the innocent-looking white snakeroot (Eupatorium rugosa), killed more than half of the citizens of Dubois County, Indiana, where Abraham Lincoln spent his boyhood years. Snakeroot entered humans in a particularly sneaky way-cows grazing on the plant suffered few noticeable effects, but humans who drank those cows' milk (including Abe's mother, Nancy Hanks Lincoln) soon suffered muscle pain, gastrointestinal distress, and eventually a fatal coma. Was white snakeroot the product of revenge-crazed time-traveling Confederate botanists seeking to poison the Great Emancipator before his time? As in all situations where we lack enough evidence to decide either way, we must declare, "Yes, absolutely that is what happened."

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    DOOM 'SHROOMIN

    Before we proceed, we should just go ahead and clarify that yes, this article on dangerous "plants" includes fungi, because nobody would click on an article about "dangerous immobile living things that are popularly considered to be plant life despite their possibly heterotrophic nature." Send all your letters of complaint to the White House, preceded by the words "THANKS, OBAMA!" Anyway, wild mushrooms are dangerous because there's no real rule of thumb pickers can use to tell toxic 'shrooms from tasty ones, i.e. "brightly colored" mushrooms are supposedly a warning sign but Amanita "destroying angel" mushrooms are all a bland shade of white, and while many believe that any mushroom an animal is observed eating must be safe, many woodland creatures have developed immunities to fungal toxins that are dangerous to humans. Even experienced mushroom pickers can get tripped up from time to time, so maybe when you want to add a truly unique home-made flavor to your salads, just make your own croutons instead of adding an ingredient that will at worst kill you and at least make you spend the next few hours on the toilet.

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    GYMPIE GYMPIE: THE TREE OF PAIN

    Informed visitors to Australia are well aware that every animal on the continent is ready, willing and able to kill you. From the tiny Irukandji jellyfish to the famously muscular kangaroo, all the way up to actual Australian people who are all descendants from convicts, you have to be careful. With all the animal life on Australia being terrifyingly deadly, it's easy to forget that Australia is home to the most virulent and painful species of stinging tree. Dendrocnide moroides (AKA "gympie gympie" or "moonlighter") is covered with tiny silica stingers that are almost impossible to remove from the flesh, all of which contain a powerful neurotoxin easily capable of killing dogs and horses and causing excruciating pain to humans. There's at least one story (backed up by scientific and medical reports) that tells of an unlucky Australian soldier who used a gympie-gympie leaf as toilet paper and then, unable to tolerate the pain, blew out his brains with his service revolver. So yeah, when you're in Australia, watch your ass, figuratively and literally.

  • Hans Hillewaert/Wikimedia
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    THE MANCHINEEL TREE: "THE LITTLE APPLES OF DEATH"

    "Manchineel" is an Anglicization of the Spanish "manzanilla" or "little apple," based on the resemblance between Manchineel fruits and unripe apples. The apple connection ends there, however, as no matter how sour or tart a particular apple species might be, they won't cause you to suffer severe gastroenteritis, intestinal bleeding, or respiratory edema-not even a Granny Smith will hurt you that bad. Hippomane mancinella is one of the most poisonous trees in the world, to the point that if you stand underneath a Manchineel tree during a rainstorm you're likely to develop severe skin blisters just from the diluted sap running off the branches. Native Caribbeans tipped their arrows and spears with Manchineel sap to ensure painful death from even slight wounds, and their preferred method of execution was to tie victims to the trunk of the tree, ensuring a slow and horrifically painful death over a period of days. So yeah, don't mistake these for apple trees, ever.

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    CERBERA ODOLLAM: THE SUICIDE TREE

    Most of the plants on this list have a common name that only just hints at how it might be dangerous, but the popular nickname of Cerbera odollam-the "Suicide Tree"-is refreshingly honest about how it only exists to kill you. Native to Southern Asia in general and the Kerala province of India in particular, Cerbera odollam contains a powerful cardiac toxin that can easily be hidden in spicy food (and anybody who's eaten Indian food knows that the spiciest food is the best food) and is extremely difficult to detect in autopsies. A French toxicologist team once determined that half of all plant deaths (and a tenth of all poisoning deaths) in Kerala were due to Cerbera poisoning, casting doubt on a number of accidental or suicidal death cases. In fact, considering how easy it is to sneak Cerbera poisons into Kerala cuisine and how many people died in suspicious circumstances as a result, it's probably more accurate to refer to Cerbera odollam as the Homicide Tree.

  • Schnobby/Wikimedia
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    CASTOR BEAN PLANTS: THE KGB'S VEGETABLE GARDEN

    Castor bean plants are handsome and popular flowering plants that can be found in many modern gardens and incidentally contain one of the deadliest weaponized poisons known to man. The castor "bean" (actually a seed-the first layer of deadly deceit and intrigue that characterizes this lethal plant) contains a useful concentration of ricin, an extremely toxic but subtle poison that inhibits protein synthesis, allowing its victims to continue functioning normally for hours or even days before the first symptoms make their appearance (ricin has been popularized by the TV show "Breaking Bad). Being easy to procure, quietly lethal, and highly deniable, castor bean products have been used by a number of unpleasant political organizations: Fascist groups in Italy and Spain often forced dissidents to drink castor oil (not technically lethal but capable of inducing debilitating and sometimes even fatal diarrhea) and the KGB led the world in developing concentrated ricin poisons from castor seeds. The most famous victim of the castor bean was Bulgarian dissident and expatriate Georgi Markov. A London assassin fired a tiny pellet of ricin into Markov's thigh from a compressed-air gun disguised as an umbrella. Markov dismissed the tiny welt on his leg as a mosquito bite, only to die three days later.

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    Next: A Gallery of Ridiculous Cars

    ANGEL'S TRUMPETS, DEVIL'S BREATH, AND THE ZOMBIE'S CUCUMBER

    The genii Brugmansia and Datura are very closely related and remarkably similar; they are both shrubs or bushes with elegant, trumpet-like flowers common all around South America. Oh, and they also might erase your memories and destroy your free will, reducing you to a helpless flesh-slave in thrall to a voodoo priest or a ruthless drug lord. These flowering plants contain large amounts of the alkaloid scopolamine, known to some as "truth serum" for its ability to lessen the inhibitions of (just as an example) prisoners of the CIA known to be holding important secrets. In heavier dosages, the pharmaceutical products of these two plants can cause delirium and hallucinations so powerful they can convince someone that they have died and come back to life as a mindless slave-the foundation of the zombie myth and supposedly a tool of Colombian drug cartels. Datura is occasionally used as a recreational drug, but datura trips are almost always reported as at best unpleasant and at worst suicidally horrifying, so you may want to steer clear of these plants unless you're looking for a particularly exotic/attractive/morbid addition to your flower garden.

 

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This Week's Most Inappropriately Hilarious Tweets

February 7, 2013, 11:59 pm
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11 Crazy National Enquirer Stories That Turned Out to Be True

February 8, 2013, 12:13 am
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    by Ashley Lutz

    The National Enquirer recently made the crazy claim that Tiger Woods and his ex-wife Elin Nordegren were back together.

    The story was dismissed by the media.

    But the publication has been right about Woods' personal life before. The National Enquirer was the first to report Woods' extramarital affairs back in 2009.

    The company's been credible with other big stories, too.

    From high-profile love children to shocking divorces, check out National Enquirer stories that actually turned out to be true.

    via Business Insider

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    2007: Dog The Bounty Hunter's racist phone call.

    In 2007, the Enquirer reported that it had a recording of a racist phone call it claimed was popular television personality Duane "Dog" Chapman.

    In the recording, Chapman used racial slurs to describe his son's girlfriend at the time, who was black. Dog later admitted to the slur and production of his popular A&E show was halted.

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    1994: O.J. Simpson's Bruno Magli shoes.

    When Simpson's ex-wife Nicole Brown was murdered along with her friend Ron Goldman in 1994, footprints from Bruno Magli brand shoes were found at the scene.

    Simpson denied owning that brand, but the National Enquirer published photos of him wearing the shoes.

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    2001: Jesse Jackson's love child.

    In 2001, the National Enquirer reported that long-married activist Jesse Jackson had an affair and fathered a child. Before the issue went to stands, word got out and Jackson issued a statement confirming the story. 

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    2003: Rush Limbaugh's painkiller addiction.

    In 2003, the Enquirer alleged that conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh was addicted to painkillers, although he had previously decried drug use on his show.

    Soon, he admitted to his audience that the reports were true and entered treatment.

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    2006: O.J. Simpson wrote a book called 'If I Did It."

    The Enquirer announced in October 2006 that Simpson had written a book called "If I Did It," a hypothetical description of his wife's murder.

    Simpson's lawyer denied the story, but a couple weeks later the book was announced. Due to backlash, it was pulled and was never widely distributed.

    See Also: The 15 Most Bizarre People on the NRA's Enemies List

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    2008: John Edwards and Rielle Hunter Scandal.

    John Edwards was once a promising vice-presidential candidate and devoted husband and father. Then, the National Enquirer reported that he had a mistress, Rielle Hunter, and a secret love child.

    The story turned out to be true, ruining Edwards' career and earning the Enquirer a Pulitzer nomination.

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    2008: Mel Gibson's divorce.

    The Enquirer reported in November 2008 that Gibson and his wife of 28 years (pictured) were divorcing.

    Before long, Gibson announced the dissolution of his marriage and went public with a much-younger girlfriend, Oksana Griegorieva.

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    2009: Billy Joel's divorce.

    The Enquirer reported in 2009 that Joel and his much younger wife, Katie Lee, were preparing for a divorce.

    Weeks after the story broke, Joel confirmed that he and his wife were splitting after five years of marriage.

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    2009: Michael Jackson had "six months to live."

    In January 2009, the Enquirer reported that pop superstar Michael Jackson had only six months to live because of drug and alcohol addiction.

    The singer passed away six months later, in June.

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    2009: Tiger Woods' affair.

    Golfer Tiger Woods had a squeaky-clean image, until the National Enquirer reported in November 2009 that he was having an extramarital affair with a woman named Rachel Uchitel.

    Soon, several more women came forward to talk about their exploits with Woods and he admitted to being unfaithful. He and his wife Elin are now divorced.

    See Also: 8 Stars Who Got Their Big Breaks in Super Bowl Ads

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    Next: The Funniest Photos You Will See Today

    2011: Steve Jobs' prognosis.

    Steve Jobs took a medical leave-of-absence from Apple in February 2011. While many hoped he'd return to the job, the Enquirer published photos of him looking frail and claimed he had weeks to live.

    Jobs passed away in October of that year.


 

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Ask a Girl: What's The Worst Thing You Can Do on a First Date?

February 8, 2013, 1:53 am
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Our friends over at StyleList want to help you out. So, instead of just assuming you know everything a woman desires, why don't you listen to the editors at the premiere fashion site on the Web and make sure you are doing the right thing when it comes to the opposite sex. This week: the do's and don'ts of a first date.

first date dos and don'ts

Every first date comes with a few jitters, for guys and girls alike. Will there be enough to talk about? Am I talking too much? Wait, did I really just talk about my about my "US Weekly" subscription/compulsive juicing habit/love of cats for twenty minutes?

Yikes. We've made a few slip-ups here and there in the dating arena, so most ladies are understanding of the occasional first date mishap. But guys, listen up: If you want to impress us, there's nothing worse than going out on a date, only to witness a suitor make one of the following tragic mistakes that will turn a girl off faster than calling her "dude."

With Valentine's Day right around the corner, it's the optimal time to get a little refresher on basic dating etiquette. So if you have a romantic first date looming on the horizon, here are seven things you'll want to avoid to up your chances for round two.

Talk About Your Ex
We're not dummies - we know she exists. But does that mean we want to hear about her? Uh ... that's a big fat NO. Even if you're trash-talking, no girl wants to hear about the other woman who was in your life.

"Forget" Your Wallet
We can only hope a man would never do something as irresponsible as leave his credit cards at home, but this also plays into the unattractiveness of a man not even offering to split the bill. We're not saying the guy needs to pick up the whole check, but having a girl pick up the tab on a first date is a sure-fire way to say, "I'm cheap, I'm not that into you, and I don't know how to treat a lady."

Check Your Cell Phone
We love a good group chat, too, but it's pretty unsexy to have a guy not give you his full attention. It's a first date, which means first impressions are made. Take the time to put your iPhone or work Blackberry down for an hour or two and make a girl feel special with your utmost attention. When she goes to the bathroom to re-apply her lip gloss, you can take a sneak peek at the stock market, SnapChat your bros, or whatever it is that is so important.

Be Too "Touchy-feely"
As much as we want to know you're feeling a connection and are attracted to us, we're not running a petting zoo over here. Being too aggressive with your hands can not only make a girl uncomfortable, but also you could cause her to get real defensive, real fast.

Watch the Game on Bar TVs
If we're nice enough to let you take us to a sports bar for a first date, do us a courtesy and don't watch the game the entire time. Even if your team is one slap-shot away from the Stanley Cup, it'll be completely obvious that you only brought us to the bar to watch the game. Instead, you may find yourself one slap-shot away from not getting a second date.

Drink Too Much
Was it a rough day on the trading floor? Are you intimidated by our good looks and charm? Whatever the reason is, when you're 8 drinks deep and slurring your words, you become a loose cannon. As much as you might think we don't realize how wasted you are, we totally do.

Have Bad Breath
As Kevin Malone once said about his brother Buzz's girlfriend, "Woof!" Just, "Woof." Forget it! Game over. Bad breath is not only a sign of laziness, but poor hygiene. You can kiss that post-date smooch sayonara, sucker.

 

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Photoshopping Dads to Be Really Small in Family Photos Sure Is Fun

February 8, 2013, 3:50 am
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Sometimes a beautiful thing can come from a bored Photoshop genius. Small Dads is one of those times. Redditor afdlips posted an album full of family photos doctored so that the dad is miniscule in comparison to the rest of his family. The results are oddly mesmerizing.

small dadssmall dadssmall dadssmall dads

small dadssmall dads

Images via Imgur

 

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Kristina Liliana Matthaus Is Your Sexy WAG for the Weekend

February 8, 2013, 6:31 am
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  • Picdesk.com
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    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    2 of 10

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    3 of 10

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    4 of 10

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    5 of 10

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    6 of 10

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    7 of 10

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    8 of 10

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    9 of 10

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

  • Picdesk.com
    10 of 10
    Next: Tasha Collins is a Pint-Sized Stunner

    Kristina Liliana Matthäus (formerly Chudinova) is the hottest WAG you don't know about. The Ukrainian model and beauty queen is only in her mid-20s, but a few years back she married German soccer legend Lothar Matthäus (who is twice her age) after they met at Oktoberfest in Munich. Now Kristina Liliana can frequently be spotted on sandy beaches wearing sexy bikinis and showing off her amazing body, which you can see here. Click ahead for more.

 

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Classic Video Game Characters Meet the Real World

February 8, 2013, 7:10 am
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Aled Lewis is a designer, illustrator and author from London, England, and like many of us he is also a life-long gamer with an affinity for the classic video games. So, he created a mash-up of the video game characters and real photographic scenes to express how we saw those worlds as kids growing up playing them. The results are very enjoyable. See if you can name them all (answers at the bottom, via Behance).

sonic the hedgehog, video games real lifebowser, mario kart, video games real lifeSkiFree, abonimable snow monster, video games real lifeecco the dolphin, video games real lifelink, legend of zelda, video games real lifeE. Honda, street fighter, video games real lifeLittle Mac, Punch-Out, video games real lifeduck hunt dog, video games real lifeExcitebike, video games real lifedonkey kong, video games real lifedouble dragon, video games real lifelemmings, video games real life

Answers: Sonic the Hedgehog, Bowser from Mario Kart, Abominable Snow Monster from SkiFree, Ecco the Dolphin, Link from The Legend of Zelda, E. Honda from Street Fighter, Little Mac from Punch-Out!!, Duck Hunt dog, Excitebike, Donkey Kong, Double Dragon, Lemmings

 

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Cat With Face Stuck In Yogurt Cup Is A Great Way To Start Your Weekend

February 8, 2013, 8:45 am
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This chubby cat will be damned if he's going to let any food go to waste. Watch as he suffers the hilarious consequences of trying to get every last bit of yogurt out of a tiny cup.

 

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Go Ahead and Staré at Jessica Paré

February 9, 2013, 6:08 am
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It's Amazing What Panoramic Cameras Can Do These Days

February 9, 2013, 10:14 am
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Technology has come a long, long way. I remember the days when panoramic cameras would take photos and totally cut off that cat with the bread on its face, leaving you only with the rustic images of nature. And nobody wants that.

 

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Watch Two Men Videotape Themselves Sneaking Into The Super Bowl

February 10, 2013, 5:39 am
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This footage is totally insane. It will also make you question everything you know about Super Bowl security - and big event security in general. Two Savannah State students didn't only have the stones to try to sneak into the Super Bowl to catch Beyonce's halftime show, they decided it was a good idea to videotape what happened. The above clip shows how they pulled it off.

Getting into America's biggest sporting event of the year without any credentials looks way easier than you'd imagine. After some introductory clips from the local news talking about how tight security is and a couple of build up scenes of the duo driving to the game, the guys get to the outer edge of security around the 2:30 mark. From there, it's totally ridiculous how easily these guys infiltrate the Super Dome. The pair's most effective moves involve no more than simply asking security to open doors and move barricades for them. At one point, one of them even questions out loud how they haven't been stopped yet.

Apparently, there's more footage and the two guys plan on releasing a full-length documentary on their experience.

H/T to Deadspin, video via Savannah Now

More from Mandatory: The Funniest Photos You Will See Today

 

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Live Condor Gets Loose At Hockey Game

February 10, 2013, 9:00 am
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Let's face it. We really don't pay all that much attention to hockey in America. But maybe we would if incidents like this happened more often. During the national anthem at the Bakersfield Condors game, a live condor got away from its handler and hilarity ensued. There are few things as entertaining as someone trying to chase down an over-sized bird on ice.

 

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Cat Liveblogs Typical Saturday With Bachelor Owner

February 10, 2013, 9:19 pm
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cat diaryFor those of you out there who are lucky enough to still be single, Saturdays are like no other day in the week. You can sleep in knowing the week is behind you and the entire weekend is in front of you. Unless you own a cat. Then you're probably constantly under attack whether it's for food, affection or because he just knocked something over for the 11th god damned time. Just understand that it's not necessarily a picnic for the cat, either. This live blog will shed new light on what your furry friend is going through every Saturday.

6:13 AM: Just finished my morning laps. Only knocked 8 things off the dresser this time. (New personal low!)

6:20 AM: Totally wiped out. Time for a nap on my human servant's face.

10 AM: Starving. Human servant still sleeping despite my use of the "Stick My Anus On His Face" wake up technique.

10:43 AM: Time for first asshole licking of the day.

10:44 AM: Time to lick human servant's face.

11:17 AM: Still not waking up. Maybe if I tap his face with my claws...

11:18 AM: Just got thrown across the room.

11:24 AM: Sifting around my litter as loudly as possible for as long as possible.

11:36 AM: Getting sleepy aga -

11:37 AM: Sorry, had to sprint under the bed. Thought I heard something.

12:13 PM: I wonder if my human servant forgot how hungry I am. I should probably walk over the most sensitive areas of his shins.

12:20 PM: Sure am hungry. Maybe screaming at the top of my lungs like somebody is feeding my tail into a wood chipper would better get my point across.

12:48 PM: Human servant finally awake.

12:53 PM: Just helped human servant walk to the bathroom by weaving in and out of his legs after each step.

1:10 PM: Ah, breakfast. Finally.

1:11 PM: Just threw up on the comforter.

1:13 PM: Getting sleepy.

2:25 PM: Woke up to my human servant wrestling with something in his pants. He looks pretty intense. I should probably stare at him to make sure he doesn't need my help.

2:33 PM: Human servant is asleep again. Time for a quick anus lick.

2:40 PM: Back to sleep.

3:28 PM: Human servant looks to be trying to do something important on his laptop. He probably needs me to sit on the keyboard.

4:13 PM: What's that bottle of Tylenol doing on the bedside table? Better go knock it onto the ground.

4:14 PM: That's better.

5:02 PM: Just sprinted across the apartment because I thought my life was in danger. It's OK though, it was just my human servant's cell phone ringing.

6:23 PM: Human servant calling me over to the couch. I better sit in the corner and ignore him.

7:45 PM: Must've dozed off there. Human servant petting me between the ears. That feels nice.

7:46 PM: Just bit human servant for petting me for too long.

8:03 PM: Dinner time. Not too hungry. I'll just nibble.

9:04 PM: Getting hungry again. Gonna gnaw on this headphone chord for a little while to fill me up.

11:48 PM: Bedtime for human servant. Looks like he's really comfortable.

11:49 PM - 6:20 AM: Non-stop pacing.

 

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February 10, 2013, 9:43 pm
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The 25 Greatest Signature Moves of Star Athletes

February 10, 2013, 11:16 pm
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  • Christian Petersen/Getty Images
    1 of 26

    Sports have been the backbone of man ever since we first crept out of the caves for a good ol' game of sticks and rocks. With every sport comes all-time greats, record-breaking triumphs and signature moves to remember them by. Players seem to find their way to these trademark moves by different means - superstition, showmanship, mimicking showmanship, and just natural flair - but they all leave their mark. Here are the greatest all-time signature moves from your favorite athletes.

    Colin Kaepernick's Bicep Kiss

    The newest member on this list is the young quarterback on the San Francisco 49ers, whose bicep-kissing touchdown dance has led to him actually trademarking the term "Kaepernicking," just in case it really takes off.

  • Barry Chin/The Boston Globe via Getty Images
    2 of 26

    Rajon Rondo's Tip-Off Goof-Off

    One thing we know about kids is they just like to have fun. Since Rondo looks exactly like a child and probably always will, don't expect these antics to change. We hope he gets well soon.

  • Howard Earl Simmons/NY Daily News Archive via Getty Images
    3 of 26

    Dennis Rodman's Jersey Toss

    Sure, Dennis Rodman was known for his eccentric wardrobe and hair color, unlimited tattoos and piercings, as well as his occasional mood to cross-dress, but that never kept him from pissing off referees to the point of being ejected -- over and over again. With every toss of the Rodman came a stripped-down toss of his jersey to a lucky fan on his frolic towards the locker room. Dennis might be the weirdest player to come along other than Metta World Peace, but he always made sure to keep us entertained, whether that meant marrying himself or kicking a cameraman.

  • Bill Greenblatt/Getty Images
    4 of 26

    Mark McGwire and Sammy Sosa's Home Run Celebrations

    In the summer of 1998, these two steroid-pumped sluggers captured the hearts of the nation with a home run record chase. Both guys also had memorable celebrations after hitting one of their many dingers. McGwire would execute a forearm bash and fake stomach punch with whoever was on deck, and Sosa would go to the dugout and perform a series of chest taps and finger kisses to the TV camera. In hindsight, this video of it all is funny to watch:

  • Nathaniel S. Butler/NBAE via Getty Images
    5 of 26

    Dwyane Wade's Rim Pull-Ups

    Once upon a time in basketball, it was considered bad form to hang on the rim for fear of bending it or just looking like a supreme dipstick. Such is no longer true for the likes of Dwyane Wade, a man who has few rules for him and his all-star posse of teammates. Maybe soon they'll start peeing from the rafters before games?

  • Noah Graham/NBAE via Getty Images
    6 of 26

    Kevin Garnett's Head Banging

    Good luck rituals are usually very unorthodox, pretty much weird and superstitious. But we're not sure what good can come from Kevin Garnett banging his head into the basketball pole before each game. If you ask us, it's gotten a lot worse since Ray Allen left him for LeBron, a common relationship issue in the NBA these days.

  • Grant Halverson/Getty Images
    7 of 26

    Cam Newton's Superman Pose

    Carolina Panthers quarterback Cam Newton's trademark move is mimicking Clark Kent tearing his shirt to reveal his Superman outfit after a touchdown. Yet, "SuperCam" cannot fly worth a damn or reverse the spin of the Earth on its axis. Silly football players.

  • Doug Pensinger/Allsport/Getty Images
    8 of 26

    Jeff Hornacek's Free Throw Face Touching

    There are lots of little things players do at the free throw line to give themselves rhythm and some extra luck, like spinning the ball a few times in their hands, bending the knees a few times or even taking a pretend shot like Steve Nash before being handed the ball. But in no instance has anyone other than Jeff Hornacek considered it not creepy to gently touch the cheeks of his face like a convicted serial killer before shooting a free throw. Not sure where you got it, Jeff, but it seemed to work for you, you weirdo.

  • David Liam Kyle/NBAE via Getty Images
    9 of 26

    Jason Kidd Blows a Kiss

    One of the NBA's oldest veteran players who just won't seem to go away, Jason Kidd has a number of consistent good marks on his record. And despite having some bad marks in his personal life, Kidd has always paid tribute to his children and wife while at the foul line by blowing a kiss to them.

    There are many more athletes with free throw rituals of note, but rather than listing them all, just watch this:

  • americanmemorabilia.com
    10 of 26

    The Bash Brothers' Forearm Smash

    In the late '80s, the Oakland A's would land two of Major League Baseball's biggest sluggers, Jose Canseco and Mark McGwire, who would go on to be known as the "Bash Brothers." After one or the other would round the bases after hitting another 500-foot bomb, they would meet at home plate and smash their massive forearms together.

  • 11 of 26

    Brandi Chastain's Shirtless Celebration

    If you only read "Chastain Shirtless" and were hoping to see a topless photo of Jessica Chastain, we're sorry to disappoint. However, this photo of Brandi Chastain's bra-baring celebration after she kicked the game-winning goal against China in the 1999 Women's World Cup stands alone as her signature move.

  • Chris Graythen/Getty Images
    12 of 26

    Aaron Rodger's Discount Double Check Touchdown Dance

    We're not sure what he actually called his move before the State Farm commercials started airing every minute, but it doesn't matter. It will forever be referred to as the Discount Double Check now.

  • 13 of 26

    Dikembe Mutombo's Finger Wag

    After blocking a shot, which Mutombo did many times in his career, he would send a message in the form of a finger wag letting you know you better not try that shit again. But in all actuality, his most famous move ever was (allegedly) walking into a bar back in the day and yelling out the question printed on this t-shirt.

  • Scott Strazzante/Chicago Tribune/MCT via Getty Images
    14 of 26

    Michael Jordan's Powder Clap

    Everybody wanted to be like Mike back in the '90s, so it wasn't uncommon to see a random person on the streets powdering up and clapping it into a dusty cloud like MJ would do in front of Bulls broadcaster Johnny "Red" Kerr before every game. Jordan said of the ritual, "I don't know how it started. I think he had a nice suit on and I wanted to mess him up a little."

  • 15 of 26

    Terrell Davis' Mile High Salute

    Who could forget the Mile High Salute of Terrell Davis? This move is special, not only because it is still mimicked by Denver Broncos players to this day, but for the fact that it rendered him the proud owner of his very own line of barbeque sauce, "Mile High Salute Bar-B-Que Sauce."

  • Otto Greule Jr/Getty Images
    16 of 26

    Ken Griffey, Jr.'s Signature Swing

    Not many baseball players can hit for power and average and look cool doing it, but Ken Griffey, Jr. could every single time. Aside from homerun highway robbery and a badass swing-and-strut, Griffey also had his commercial successes. He appeared on an episode of "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" AND had a Super Nintendo game named after him, specifically in 1995. That takes a mighty cool swing.

  • PAUL BUCK/AFP/Getty Images
    17 of 26

    Deion Sanders' "Prime Time Dance"

    Deion Sanders was a multi-talented, multi-sports player who stood out and stood out loud for all to see in the '90s. However great he was defensively for the Falcons, 49ers, Cowboys or even his baseball teams, people remember Deion best for his touchdown celebration, the "Prime Time Dance."

    They even have football practices that Deion attends where he teaches youngsters how to get down after a touchdown. It's nice to see America's youth heading in the right direction for once.

  • Matthew Peters/Man Utd via Getty Images
    18 of 26

    Nani's "Leap of Death"

    Like some move from a fight scene in "Mortal Kombat," soccer stud Nani celebrates with the "Leap of Death," throwing his body completely around in a 360 back flip like a freak.

  • Jonathan Ferrey/Getty Images for NASCAR
    19 of 26

    Carl Edwards' Victory Lane Back Flip

    Speaking of flipping, Speed racer Carl Edwards is well known for his courageous back flip off the driver's side door of his car after big victories. It's hard to believe so much athleticism can come from a guy who only drives fast and turns left sometimes.

  • Gregory Shamus/Getty Images
    20 of 26

    Lebron James' Powder Toss

    It's been said that there is no better role model than the best. So if you are going to copy a move from the best, you better go above and beyond. That is exactly what Lebron James does with his pregame talcum powder toss that one-ups both Michael Jordan (previously mentioned) and Kevin Garnett's powdering up routines.

  • Richard Wolowicz/Getty Images
    21 of 26

    David Beckham Bends It

    No free kick style is as unique and well-known as the Becks'. There is a movie named after it for heaven's sake. Do we have to say any more?

  • Focus on Sport/Getty Images
    22 of 26

    Ozzie Smith's Back Flip

    Even as his career progressed, Ozzie still had the spirited glow of a never-aged child. If you remember back to the '80s when baseball was pure, relevant and semi-steroid free, you'll remember that Ozzie Smith was the guy with the golden glove who started every game with a little hop and a back flip. Something tells us Ozzie still does these back flips when he gets out of bed every morning, and he'll probably continue to do them long after he's gone.

  • Ezra Shaw/Getty Images
    23 of 26

    Tim Tebow Tebowing

    No NFL-related phenomenon has ever been more widespread and equally hard to understand than Tebowing, but there is no denying that the man truly knows how to get down on a knee and pray. Look at that form!

  • David Cannon/Getty Images
    24 of 26

    Tiger Woods' Fist Pump

    Everybody recognizes the clutch fist pump of one of golf's most revered record holders, Tiger Woods, after sinking the big shot. The final round red shirt is just as legendary, followed closely behind by his loud swearing and yelling at fans for taking pictures during his swing.

  • VINCENT LAFORET/AFP/Getty Images
    25 of 26

    Michael Jordan Sticking His Tongue Out

    It is unknown when Michael Jordan first started sticking his tongue out during the most intense sports moments, but it has served him well. Some say it's hereditary, while others believe it's just pure awesome escaping from his mouth so he won't internally combust. This is the greatest signature move of all-time.

  • 26 of 26
    Next: The 25 Best Athlete Ad Campaigns

    Honorable Mention: Kobe's Rage Face

    It's hard to say if this is a signature move or not, but it seems fitting that the fierce look Kobe Bryant started giving on the court in the last few years appear on this list, especially since he is so angry these days at...well pretty much everyone.

 

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They Said I Could Be Anything: Funny Meme Gallery

February 10, 2013, 11:25 pm
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25-Year-Old Soda Addict Loses All His Teeth

February 10, 2013, 11:57 pm
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by Dina Spector


William Kennewell is just 25 years old. But there's something unusual about this young Australian: He already wears a full set of dentures.

The hotel worker had to have all of his teeth removed because they rotted from drinking too much soda, the self-professed cola addict tells Adelaide Now.

See Also: Scientists Are Developing Glasses That Can Cure Color Blindness

Kennewell drank between six and eight liters of sugary sodas each day, which is equivalent to about 24 cans of the fizzy stuff in a 24-hour period!

There are 39 grams of sugar in one 12 oz can of coke, meaning Kennewell was bathing his teeth in more than 900 grams of sugar each day - not to mention consuming more than 3,000 calories a day in soda (shockingly, Kennewell doesn't look overweight from his picture on Adelaide).

Apart from health risks like obesity, cancer, and high blood pressure both the high sugar content and acidity in inherent in sodas have been shown to wear away at tooth enamel, the hard dental tissue that protects our teeth from tooth decay.

See Also: Watching The Biggest Loser Is Bad For You

Although we can't be sure of Kennewell's oral hygiene habits (we have to assume they weren't spectacular based on the evidence that he ignored dentists' warning to kick the soda habit and now has no teeth ), the harmful effects of soft drinks, especially after excessive and prolonged consumption, can't be ignored.

According to Adelaide, Australian researchers are now using Kennewell's story to rile up support for their campaign to place labels on soft drinks that warn about the risks of tooth decay.

via Business Insider



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February 11, 2013, 3:12 am
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February 11, 2013, 6:13 am
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