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Martin Shkreli's Leaked Text Messages

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martin shkreli evil, martin shkreli leaked texts
There are few people in the world right now as universally hated as Martin Shkreli. He, of course, is the pharma CEO who raised the price of a drug that can help AIDS patients to astronomical levels. Also, he was scammed out of thousands of dollars by someone claiming to have Kanye West's new album. So what is a guy like this like in private conversations that no one else sees? We've never actually seen his cell phone, but the conversations probably look something like this.

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martin shkreli leaked texts

martin shkreli leaked texts

martin shkreli leaked texts

martin shkreli leaked texts

martin shkreli texts, martin shkreli mondo burger

martin shkreli leaked texts

martin shkreli leaked texts
More: 10 Parents Who Are Way Better At Texting Than Their Kids

 

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The Top 10 'Weird Al' Yankovic Parodies Of All Time

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With the announcement of "Weird Al" Yankovic's latest tour for his most recent comedy album "Mandatory Fun," comes some serious head scratching. How is this gangly, goofy, curly-topped guy still around since introducing himself to television audiences 35 years ago? The answer, we guess, is that there will always be huge radio hits to parody, and for a crowd-pleasing comic genius, he's still got it. As a matter of fact, Al boasts an amazing distinction shared only with Michael Jackson and Madonna: Only they three have had Top 40 hits in each decade since the '80s. Like great music itself, great comedy doesn't expire, and his early work still shines as brightly as his newest hits. Here we rank his 10 best.​

#10 - "Like a Surgeon" (1985)

Despite being inundated with them, "Weird Al" never takes anyone else's idea for a song parody. Each and every one is dreamed up by the comedian himself. There is one exception, however. Speaking to a friend of Al's manager, Madonna wondered when he was going to turn "Like a Virgin" into "Like a Surgeon." That musing made its was to Al and the rest is history. Narrated by a third-rate physician, this song takes an otherwise horrifying premise and hilariously turns it into just what the doctor ordered.

Best Line:
It's a fact -- I'm a quack
The disgrace of the A.M.A.
'Cause my patients die, yeah my patients die
Before they can pay


#9 - "Tacky" (2014)

We didn't think you could get much more jubilant than Pharrell Williams' infectious hit "Happy." Well, "Weird Al" may have done it. "Tacky" is a joyful itemization of all the questionable things the song's narrator dresses in or does proudly. He wears this deliberate shamelessness as a badge of honor and the parody is a celebration of the happiness it brings to him. Though some of the references are a bit over the top, where "Tacky" hits the mark the most is in our realization that we all know at least one person in our own lives who is capable of many of the indiscretions trumpeted within the lyrics.

Best Line:
I meet some chick, ask her this and that
Like 'Are you pregnant girl, or just really fat?' (what?)
Well, now I'm dropping names almost constantly
That's what Kanye West keeps telling me, here's why


#8 - "Another One Rides the Bus" (1981)

"Weird Al's" performance of this song in 1981 on a late night talk show was his first televised appearance ever. Clutching his trademark accordion and backed up by a percussionist beating on its storage case while consecutively working whistles and horns, this was Al at his most manic and deranged. In other words, a star was born. Spoofing Queen's "Another One Bites the Dust," "Bus" addresses the maddening realities of public commutation.

Best Line:
The window doesn't open and the fan is broke, and my face is turnin' blue
I haven't been in a crowd like this since I went to see The Who


#7 - "Yoda" (1985)

"Weird Al" would later make waves with "The Saga Begins," his ode to the "Phantom Menace," but like all true analyses of "Star Wars," it's all about "The Empire Strikes Back." For as a parody, "Yoda" is also a crown jewel. Riffing off of The Kinks' singular "Lola," with young Skywalker as the narrator, "Yoda" tells the story of his awe and bewilderment for the little green Jedi. With simple but grandly illustrative detail, Al recounts one of film's all time greatest teacher/student relationships hilariously. You'll find its best line below, but we must mention Luke's lyrical commentary -- But I know that I'll be coming back some day/I'll be playing this part 'till I'm old and gray/The long-term contract I had to sign/Says I'll be making these movies 'till the end of time -- for it's galactic prescience.

Best Line:
I know Darth Vader's really got you annoyed
But remember, if you kill him, then you'll be unemployed


#6 - "Eat It" (1984)

This was a huge hit at the beginning of "Weird Al's" career and the parody that made him a household name. Its music video, a shot-by-shot shot remake of Michael Jackson's "Beat It" peppered with uproarious visual gags, was a truly defining moment in '80s popular culture. Al admits the concept isn't the cleverest -- an admonishment to a poorly-mannered picky eater -- but the similarly sounding titles dictated the course of the song. Legally, Al doesn't need permission from the artists of the songs he parodies, but he chooses to get them anyway, and Jackson's was both a surprise and a coup. From then on it would be hard for other musicians to justifiably decline his requests for parody when they knew that the King of Pop had graciously given his.

Best Line:
How come you're always such a fussy young man
Don't want no Captain Crunch, don't want to Raisin Bran
Well, don't you know that other kids are starving in Japan


#5 - "White & Nerdy" (2006)

We are living in a time of great racial division and it seems like forces are working hard to keep this separation alive. "Weird Al" bravely lamented what it's like for the majority to be refused acceptance into other populations because of preconceptions that run along color lines in his intrepid "White & Nerdy." Based on Chamillionaire's rap favorite, "Ridin'," "Nerdy" tackles racial injustice but from the point of view of a tragically unhip Causcasian who courts camaraderie with the brothers only to be shunned because they're so freaked out by his undeniable lameness. Didn't Fred Durst have the same problem?

Best Line:
First in my class here at M.I.T.
Got skills, I'm a champion at D&D
MC Escher that's my favorite MC

Keep your 40
I'll just have an Earl Gray tea


#4 - "Word Crimes" (2014)

With the success of Robin Thicke's "Blurred Lines" came a litany of parodies, all upping the original's misogynistic ante. "Weird Al" knew this radio staple was made for his own brand of skewering with a subject matter that would come out of left field instead. Behold "Word Crimes," a joyful lecture on the need for proper grammar, syntax and semantics particularly in our brave new online world. The 21st century's answer to "Schoolhouse Rock," this broad plea for understanding and adhering to our rules of language is hysterical to all, but mostly those to whom all are held sacred, down to the very last apostrophe placement.

Best Line:
And listen up when I tell you this
I hope you never use quotation marks for emphasis
You finished second grade
I hope you can tell
If you're doing good or doing well


#3 - "Smells Like Nirvana" (1992)

This was a comeback song for "Weird Al," whose career had stalled after the box office failure of his movie "UHF" and other musical setbacks. Al doggedly pursued Nirvana for their permission to parody their genre-defining chart topper to no avail until he tracked them down at "Saturday Night Live." During that phone conversation between him and Kurt Cobain, Al explained when asked by the rocker that no, the parody would not be about food, but how hard it was for people to understand the words to "Smells Like Teen Spirit." To which, after approving the parody, Cobain replied, "Oh sure, of course, that's funny." The outright success of "Smells Like Nirvana" was not only a gift for "Weird Al" Yankovic but an unmistakable sign to the boys of Nirvana that they had indeed made it.

Best Line:
It's unintelligible
I just can't get it through my skull
It's hard to bargle nawdle zouss
With all these marble in my mouth


#2 - "Amish Paradise" (1996)

Hollywood has provided glimpses into their culture to varying degrees, but popular music had been curiously slow to showcase the mystique of the Amish. "Weird Al" changed all that with his parody of Coolio's hip-hop anthem "Gangsta's Paradise." Finally, accounts of butter churning, barn raising and no-holds-barred quilting busted their way onto the radio airwaves. Coolio was at first very unhappy with the version, believing it tarnished his original's good name, setting up what seemed to be the makings of another East Coast/West Coast feud the genre is famous for. Recently, however Al revealed that the rapper's feeling have changed and he and Coolio are now, well, cool.


#1 - "Fat" (1988)

The antonymic companion to "Weird Al's" first huge hit, here we have another Michael Jackson parody, this time for his mega-sensation "Bad." Where "Eat It" revolves around an undereater, the narrator to "Fat" is an admitted oversized being spinning around a world of gluttony. Faced-paced and ridiculous with glorious goofs on Jackson's wordless howls and the track's curious sound effects, the song reveals the obvious love Al has for his source material, as do all the entries on this list. But "Fat" contains the grandest belly laughs and therefore is the greatest "Weird Al" Yankovic parody of all time.
Best Line:
When I walk out to get me mail
It measures on the Richter scale

 

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Girl Gets Savage Revenge On Boyfriend After His Fake Proposal Prank

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When prankster Brad Holmes pranked his girlfriend, Jenny Davis, on Valentine's Day by faking a proposal to her, everyone assumed she was going to get back at him by murdering him. But since something like that can put you behind bars, Jenny decided to do the next best thing: prank him back by telling him a baby is on the way.

The video of the 24-year-old "proposing" to his girlfriend went viral where it racked up over 13 million views, with a lot of people either laughing along or completely calling Brad out for his dumb prank. Check out the proposal prank below to refresh your memory.


Jenny of course was going to get her revenge, so she makes a fake positive pregnancy test and convinces Brad she's pregnant. Take a look at the revenge video below:


The best part about this video is seeing Brad throw a tantrum. And I feel like the next logical move is for one of them to fake their own death.

h/t The Lad Bible

Revenge by murder is fine in this case: Guy Pranks His Hot Girlfriend Again, This Time It Involves A Tarantula

 

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Ted Cruz's 'Bad Lip Reading' Continues To Prove How Bizarre He Truly Is

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It's pretty terrifying to think Donald Trump is probably going to have a strong chance of becoming president, but Ted Cruz is definitely not any better, as his psychotic looks and chilling demeanor will make anyone extremely uncomfortable.

And thanks to yet another hilarious video by Bad Lip Reading, we can continue to see what a bizarre guy Cruz is, even if he didn't actually say these things. (At least, we think he didn't.) Check it out:


Makes sense now why people think he's the Zodiac killer.

The hell just happened? Ted Cruz Tried To Give His Daughter A Hug And It's The Most Awkward Thing Ever

 

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Is The Cheesecake Factory Menu Too Long?

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If you've ever eaten at the Cheesecake Factory, one of the first things you probably noticed, besides delicious foods and large portions at a reasonable price, is that the menu is insanely long. It's seriously a book. As you flip through page after page it's easy to get overwhelmed by the whole situation and miss out on a great dish just because there's so much listed in the menu. So is it possible that the Cheesecake Factory menu is indeed too long?

I went through their menu during a recent visit and honestly I feel like some of the pages could be cut out with no real consequences whatsoever.

Let's start with the eggs and omelets page:

Is the Cheesecake Factory Menu Too Long?
Do we really need an ENTIRE PAGE dedicated to various styles of eggs? This could be cut down to just a few options and no one would complain at all. It's just way too many eggs.

Did you know the Cheesecake Factory has pizza?

Is the Cheesecake Factory Menu Too Long?
Of course not, because no one goes to the Cheesecake Factory to eat a pizza. It's a very disposable list of items that takes up half of a page for no real reason. You could add a few more lunch specials in place of the pizzas and honestly that would make the menu a little more manageable.

The "other snacks" page seems to be a complete cluster of random items that have no business even being on the menu to start with. Some of them aren't even edible. Next to it is a page that lists off drinks, which is understandable, but they're listed with a bunch of pro wrestlers. Why? I thought it might be foods named after those wrestlers, but it's not. They just include that list in there because they like wrestling. It's baffling.

Is the Cheesecake Factory Menu Too Long?
If you flip towards the back of the menu there's a page that certainly stands out as unnecessary. The "misc items for sale" page seems to just be their version of Craigslist with classified ads listed. Is anyone really visiting the Cheesecake Factory with these things in mind? Next to that was a drawing of Shrek that someone apparently sketched. I didn't mind that part and thought it was a refreshing change of pace. Kudos for that one, Cheesecake Factory.

Is the Cheesecake Factory Menu Too Long?
Everyone usually goes straight to the back of the menu to look at the list of cheesecakes, but if you check two pages before the desserts there's this bizarre page that just lists the 1992 US Olympic basketball team. I've always been a fan of that team, but it has very little to do with the Cheesecake Factory brand. Next to that were the complete set of lyrics to "MMMBop" by Hanson. I thought maybe there was going to be a karaoke hour or something, but it never happened. This seems like a page they could probably do without.

Is the Cheesecake Factory Menu Too Long?
Maybe I'm wrong and just need less options when dining out, but it certainly seems like they could save a lot of time and energy by cutting down on eggs, pizzas and lyrics to hit songs from the '90s. Of course I'm no successful restaurant owner like Mr. Factory, so if it ain't broke, why fix it?

Or it can always take this route: Check Out This Menu From A 1912 London Brothel (NSFW Language)

 

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Jared Fogle Is Spending His Days In Prison Eating And Getting Slapped Around

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Only 15 years and five months left to go, Jared!

According to In Touch Weekly, in less than one year, former Subway pitchman Jared Fogle has gone from hanging with Michael Phelps and Mike Trout to devouring boxes of Honey Buns and getting taunted and threatened by other inmates inside FCI Englewood.

Former Subway Pitchman Jared Fogle Pleads Guilty To Child Porn And Sex With Minors Charges
(Photo by Joey Foley/Getty Images)

One "prison insider" told the magazine Fogle's fellow inmates have even given the convicted child sex offender the prison nickname of "Chomo," which is short for child molester. Another prisoner called him a "dirty child rapist" and told him to "get the f--k out."

Because he's serving a sentence of almost 16 years, Fogle doesn't have the option of getting the f--k out. But he does have the choice of keeping his mouth shut, something he apparently didn't do during a recent razzing from that same inmate.

"The inmate slapped him across the cheeks several times and made his face red," the prison insider said. "Jared just stood there stunned, then ran out of the gym. He never ratted out the inmates who did it, though, because he was threatened that if he did, they would get him!"

Since they don't serve Cold Cut Combos at FCI Englewood, Fogle is reportedly cramming Honey Buns down his piehole by the box and taking advantage of "cake days" in the dining hall. In fact, he has already gained 30 pounds during his first three months in jail.

As far as sex goes, since the prison only houses adult males, odds are Fogle isn't having any. Or if he is, it's probably not by choice.

Oops: Jared Fogle Once Ripped On The Men From 'To Catch A Predator'

 

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Weird News: Here's A Dude In China Taking A Dump On A Bus

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On second thought, I'll walk to work today. Thanks.

According to Mirror, some asshole in China recently boarded a bus, dropped his drawers and took a shit in his bucket while the rest of the passengers looked away in absolute disgust. Well, accept for the guy who captured video of it, of course:


You know, the "glass half full" half of us would probably commend him for at least bringing his own bucket to poop in, but the other half would love to dump the bucket over his head and push him off of the moving bus for being such an inconsiderate prick.

And even though it's China, something tells us the law would be in our favor on this one.

Who needs a bucket on a bus when you have a perfectly good floor at Starbucks? NYC Starbucks Refuses To Let Homeless Man Use Restroom So He Poops On The Floor

 

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Watch This Two-Year-Old Kid Fall Out Of A Moving Van In China And Miraculously Survive

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No child wants to fall out of the back of his grandfather's shitty minivan into heavy traffic with his ass hanging out of his pants, but that's exactly what happened Saturday afternoon in the Jiangsu province's Wujiang district.


The kid's grandfather said the rear door had been acting up since he was rear-ended by another vehicle in early February, and that's probably why it opened when he took off at the intersection.

Thankfully, one driver stopped to attend to the kid while another raced to catch the grandfather, who said his grandson had grown restless and was crawling around the vehicle before jumping into the trunk and eventually falling out of the van.

The child was uninjured, but you have to think his trust and faith in grandpa might need some time to heal.

h/t Huffington Post

​Kids are so damn cute, aren't they? Watch This Kid Sucker Punch His Twin Brother After Losing A Wrestling Match

 

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Whet Your Appetite With A Photo Of Niykee Heaton Eating A Burger And Fries In The Nude

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We're not sure that we say it as often as we should, but God bless Instagram. For whatever reason, it makes famous people feel like they can (and should) post the most intimate pictures of themselves to the masses. A fair share of the time, those celebrities are also hot babes like Niykee Heaton, whose YouTube popularity gave birth to her pop singing career. But enough of her life story. She recently posted a photo of herself scarfing down a burger and fries in the buff, and it's much sexier than the description sounds.

cheeseburgers and fries, we don't go on dates. (magical candid capture: @laurenpisciotta 📸)

A photo posted by Niykee Heaton (@niykeeheaton) on


See? Pretty nice, right? I bet a photo like that makes you wonder what else her Instagram account has to offer. We'd suggest you check it out immediately. Until then, here are a few more of her most tantalizing pics to hold you over.







Related: Britney Spears Speeds Up Your Breathing In These Hot Instagram Videos

 

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Today's Funny Photos

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I'm not going to lie to you guys -- I think the photos below may be a little TOO funny. When I was tracking them down and adding them to this roundup, I laughed so hard that I passed out. When I woke up, my pants were missing. This is your warning: If you don't want this to happen to you, proceed with caution. (Also, don't drink an entire bottle of tequila while gathering funny photos.)

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz
Follow us on Twitter.

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funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz
We're on Instagram, too.

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz
More: Yesterday's Funny Photos

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funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz
Don't forget, we have enough Funny Photos to last a lifetime.

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz
Finally, for those of you who keep accusing me of having some sort of political agenda, you're right. Here's the proof:

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz

funny photos, funny pics, daily lolz
Related: An Exclusive Look At Ben Carson's Search History

 

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The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest Winners: Cat Out Of Water

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Yesterday we asked you to use our meme generator to create some hilarious captions to unleash on the Internet. There were a lot of entries, but we managed to narrow them down to these fine and deserving winners. Congratulations, you truly understand what the Internet is all about. And to those of you who lost... oh well, there's always next time!

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: leonard goltz

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: hue

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: Brent wood

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: Indy John

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: Joseph Parker

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: Quentin j. Parker

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: R Rose

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: t-dog

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: Kevin Mills

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: Big Dang Mike

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: rose

meme contest winners, weekly meme contest, cat out of water
Submitted by: Dale

Previously on Mandatory Meme Contest Winners: Glasses on Asses

 

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Woman Sends Selfie To Parents With Horrifically Embarrassing Item In Background

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We live in a fast-paced world; a world that is mostly filled with people texting all the time, and sending pictures of their genitals to each other, so sometimes it is hard to keep up with all the messages. But the woman in this story should have probably double-checked the message she was sending out because she left something in the picture she probably didn't want her folks to see.

Take a look at the group message the woman below sent her folks and sister:

Woman Sends Parents Selfie, Immediately Regrets It
Nothing but adorable family banter. Seemed innocent enough. Well, that is until the woman realized her terrible mistake and goes into panic mode:

Woman Sends Parents Selfie, Immediately Regrets It
"Not one but 2 dildos in it." Man, she really kept busying while looking for a job.

Here's a big red arrow of her mistake in case you haven't noticed it yet:

Woman Sends Parents Selfie, Immediately Regrets It
See it now?

No word yet if the folks ever did end up seeing the sex toys, but my guess is if they did see it they will never mention it -- at least not until they are all together on Thanksgiving.

h/t Mirror

Not according to plan: 16 Sexy Selfies Gone Wrong

 

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Counter-Protesters Brawl With KKK Members At Anaheim Rally (Graphic Footage)

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Counter-protesters fed up with the bullshit that KKK members were protesting at a rally in Anaheim this past weekend decided to take things into their own hands, as they started a brawl that ended up with three counter-protesters being stabbed, and a bunch of people being arrested.

KKK idiots were protesting "White Lives Matter" when counter-protesters started a brawl with them, in hopes of knocking some sense into them. Unfortunately, three counter-protesters were stabbed, two with a shiv and one with a flagpole. Yep, a flag pole. Check out footage of the brawl below, but heads up: this is quite graphic and bloody:


11 people in total were arrested: seven protesters and five members of the hate group. Although the five KKK members were let go after footage showed they were acting in self-defense. Barf. All of the counter-protesters are looking to sue for alleged police brutality, as one protester had his arm broken.

The counter-protester at the start of the footage with long hair and the leather vest was the most seriously injured, and is currently recovering. There has been a GoFundMe page set up to cover his medical bills.

h/r Metal Injection

More crazy footage: Insane Video Of The Texas Biker Shootout Was Released Today

 

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Countries That Look Like Pop Culture References

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Italy is shaped like a boot. There's virtually no denying something that you've heard over and over since grade school, but just in case you aren't convinced, I outlined it on the map below.

countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, italy boot

Of course, not all country shapes are as black and white. For example, someone recently pointed out that Australia looks suspiciously like Scooby-Doo, but the reception was a mixed bag at best.

countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, australia scooby-doo
Whether you find that to be spot-on or a huge stretch, you can't deny that, at the very least, the general outline is there. That got me thinking, "What pop culture references do other countries look like with a little creativity and tinkering outside the lines?" Here's what I found:

Greece looks like the Grinch and his dog, Max.
countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, greece the grinch max
Sticking with the cartoon character theme, I decided to start things off on a festive note. Say what you will about the quality of my artwork, but don't tell me I'm not at least onto something here.


Democratic Republic of the Congo looks like Eugene from "The Walking Dead."
countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, democratic republic of the congo eugene walking dead
Knowing that no matter what the first example was, you wouldn't buy it, I saved the best for second. As you can see, there is simply no denying the similarity here.


Libya looks like the train scene from "Back to the Future Part III."
countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, libya back to the future 3 train
This one's so obvious that I bet everyone is already saying, "Tell me something I don't know." Still, I had to toss it in the mix just in case you somehow never noticed it before.


Colombia looks like Genie Jafar from the end of "Aladdin."
countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, columbia genie jafar
Not sure if this counts as cheating, but I had to turn a map of Colombia on its side to make this work. Regardless, you will never be able to see the country any other way now.


Mongolia looks like Professor Gremlin from "Gremlins 2: The New Batch."
countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, mongolia gremlin
It didn't have to be Professor Gremlin. It could have been any of them, really. Hell, I could have made Mongolia into a Mogwai if I wanted to. How great would that be for the name of a sports team? The Mongolia Mogwai -- it's got a nice ring to it.


Myanmar (Burma) looks like Ace Ventura from his '90s Saturday morning cartoon series.
countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, myanmar ace ventura
I never really watched the "Ace Ventura: Pet Detective" kid's show, but I still somehow spotted this uncanny resemblance right away. And now you will, too. Forever.


South Africa looks like Homer's Spirit Guide from "The Simpsons."
countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, south africa simpsons spirit guide
Relax, you didn't just eat a Guatemalan Insanity Pepper. South Africa really does look like Homer's Spirit Guide during his chili-induced acid trip. I mean, if you squint. Actually, it might help if you dropped some of those peppers.


Zambia looks like Superman flying toward the camera.
countries that look like pop culture references, funny country outlines, zambia superman
It's a bird...it's a plane...it's Zambia! And on that note, I'll go ahead and wrap things up. Wouldn't want these drawings to get absurd.

 

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Crazy Craigslist Ad Looking For A Roommate Is Seriously Disturbing

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There's always a small chance that your roommate is a murderer. With that in mind, you can probably tell that the person who posted this Craigslist ad enjoys tearing out his floorboards once in a while.

Let's first start by looking at the picture that accompanied this Craigslist ad. It pretty much looks like a poster for a horror movie that you'll catch on Netflix at 3am on a weekday when you come home drunk:

Crazy Craigslist Ad Looking For A Roommate Is Seriously Disturbing
And if that picture doesn't scare you away, let's look at some of the rules that the person who bravely accepts to be this dude's roommate would have to follow:

"Ok some ground rules. 1, that sierra mist in the fridge is prescription soda and you may not have any. 2, if i ring the triangle in the kitchen it means you have to go to bed no matter what time it is. 3, you may have friend over but they have a 250 word limit. after that they're not allowed to speak for the rest of their visit."

"You can't own an even number of shoes. no Indian visitors for more than one hour."

"See that shower curtain? never ever touch it. if it's closed you come get me and i pull it back so you can shower."

"Also you must put a pillow over your face when you sleep as i do not care to hear you breathing."

"If you drink beer in the living room you have to drink an equal amount of piss. it is up to me which room is the living room at any given time."

And that is just some of the rules. Now of course this is probably all a joke, at least we hope it is. If not, we hope this guy never gets a roommate.

Check out more rules below:

Crazy Craigslist Ad

Crazy Craigslist Ad
Via Craigslist

And then there's this guy: Craigslist Ad Promises Capitals Tickets But Tries To Sell Raunchy Taylor Swift Memorabilia Instead

 

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This Hot Girl Sucks At Tennis But We Can't Stop Watching Her

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Tennis isn't very interesting, and the only reason we usually pay attention is when someone like Anna Kournikova played or when Maria Sharapova plays. But while Sharapova is actually good at tennis, the girl below is not. And you know what? We really don't care.

Take a look at the girl in the video below attempt to play tennis all while attempting to keep her boobs in her top. Riveting stuff, folks:


The girl lacking athletic ability in the video is Elizabeth Anne Pelayo. And while she did have an Instagram filled with more photos, it seems she has taken it down. So we wish you the best in your pervy Internet search.

Golf can be hot, too: Hot Golfer McKenna Pautsch Is One Reason Golf Can Be Fun To Watch

 

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Hilarious And Completely Accurate Pie Charts

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I bet the last time you found yourself making a pie chart was when you had just upgraded from the display board in high school and were using PowerPoint. But other than those projects in school that you're still trying to figure out why you were forced to do, pie charts are now only serving one purpose: to point out hilarious and accurate things about life. Check out all the funny pie charts below:

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts

Funny Pie Charts
Via Imgur

And one more accurate pie chart: Things You Do During A Red Light: A Pie Chart

 

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U.S. Presidents Ranked By How Much Their Names Sound Like Sex Acts

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There are a lot of important factors to consider when voting for the next president, but probably at the bottom of your list is considering how much the commander in chief's name sounds like some bizarre sex act. Don't worry though, we've ranked every former president in order of how much their name sounds like some sort of sexual maneuver. Some of them have to do with their names or legacy, but others are just what we'd imagine they prefer. Why? Why not?! Enjoy!

presidential sex acts, president names that sound like sex acts, millard fillmore

 

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Here Are Gigi Hadid And Kendall Jenner Playing With Their Boobs Because These Are The Things That Matter

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Listen, guys, it's two just attractive women playing with their boobs. Don't complain, whine, or tell us how annoyed you are. Just take a mental break by staring at these nice gifs.

So here are Gigi Hadid and Kendall Jenner having fun with their breasts:

Here Are Gigi Hadid And Kendall Jenner Playing With Their Boobs

Here Are Gigi Hadid And Kendall Jenner Playing With Their Boobs

Here Are Gigi Hadid And Kendall Jenner Playing With Their Boobs
And hey, you even have a little clip of them hanging out thanks to Kendall's Instagram:

boob talk @gigihadid @voguemagazine

A video posted by Kendall Jenner (@kendalljenner) on


Too bad we weren't invited to that event.

Via Tumblr

Get to know Gigi more: Gigi Hadid Has Been Looking Forward To A Dip As Much As We Have

 

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The Funniest GIFs Of The Week

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If you've got a hankering for the funniest damn GIFs we were able to scrounge up for you this week, you've come to the right place. Of course, the title should have cleared up any confusion, so quit reading this pointless intro and get on with your LOLs.

funny gifs, girl shirt off reveals hairy man
I didn't know there was a such a thing as "too nude."


funny gifs, trampoline nut shot
He got some major air on that jump, and in no way is that a good thing.


funny gifs, dog humps hand weight
Some of us get a little too into our workout routines.


funny gifs, kid clotheslines himself pole
You could say he learned the hard way, but the dumb way is much more accurate.


funny gifs, cats arm walk on beams
I don't know what I'm seeing here, but no explanation could make it any funnier.


funny gifs, guy controls his hair
Eat your heart out, Conan O'Brien.


funny gifs, woman dancing terribly
Eat your heart out, Elaine Benes.


funny gifs, park ride throws kids
Step aside and let a pro show you how it's done. Dislocating both shoulders, that is.


funny gifs, michael jordan cats
You'll wonder, "Why Michael Jordan?" But once you see that final face it all makes sense.


funny gifs, woman hits trampoline on dirt bike
She died the way she lived -- fast and stupid.


funny gifs, pool slide fail
Look on the bright side, if it had gone as planned, it would have been super lame.


funny gifs, weekend ramp jump
And that sums up both this week's collection and the weekend ahead.

Keep in mind, there's still one more day before that glorious two-day break. Check out last week's hilarious GIFs to pass the time.

 

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