The 20 Most Hilarious Teachers Of All Time

March 1, 2016, 5:38 am

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The best teachers are the funny teachers. They know that working humor into the curriculum is a surefire way to keep their students out of the doldrums of boredom. And it works, sometimes. Here is a gallery of photos that suggests learning and entertainment go hand-in-hand.

1. Must be a difficult test.
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2. Making anatomy fun.
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3. A drunk student asked his professor for a deadline extension. The teacher, Mr. Martin, replies in the coolest fashion possible.
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4. This teacher is just going to be himself.
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5. Drinking on the job. Must be a state school.
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6. Priorities are important. In this case, guns win.
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7. An English professor teaching how to write with effect.
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8. Teacher is one quippy bastard. Fired as hell, but quippy.
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9. Even distinguished faculty members love the occasional mom joke.
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10. Super cereal, though, always check your work for misspellings.
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11. Pew results are overrated. Cats on the other hand...
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12. Drunk college girls aren't the only ones who love that song.
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13. Outrage aside, clearly these teachers were going for the funny.
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14. A teacher encouraging a student to always question things.
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15. Socrates ain't got nothing on Lil Jon.
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16. Bieber and physics — a spectacular combination.
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17. A teacher who uses psychological warfare against students.
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18. Looking professional is all that matters.
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19. A meme-savvy professor who knows how to doodle Nic Cage.
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20. Straight to the point.
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Conversely: Teachers Who Don't Give A Damn Anymore

 

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An Exclusive Look At Ben Carson's Search History

March 1, 2016, 5:50 am

≫ Next: Hilarious Typos And Spelling Mistakes That Changed Everything

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So it turns out that Ben Carson is a crazy person. He's made countless bizarre statements and stayed in the election long after anyone even remotely considered him a viable candidate. But just how insane is Ben Carson? We recently borrowed his laptop and checked the Internet history to see what exactly Mr. Carson searches for on a daily basis. If the results don't trouble you enough, the fact that he uses Bing should send chills to the core of your soul.

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Hilarious Typos And Spelling Mistakes That Changed Everything

March 1, 2016, 7:20 am

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If nothing else, the least a person can do is make sure whatever they are writing doesn't have a huge spelling or punctuation mistake that can change their entire phrase or sentence. Unfortunately, the people responsible for the messes below couldn't even do that, and what they were left with was something that now we can all laugh at. Check out 16 egregious typos and spelling mistakes below.

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Via Pleated-Jeans

People above shouldn't feel so bad: 14 Horrible Spelling Mistakes That'll Make You Feel Better About Yourself

 

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The Most Hated Reality TV Star From Each State

March 1, 2016, 7:50 am

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Reality television is not going away, folks. Even when a beloved competition show like "American Idol" says farewell, another ten pop up. Shows like "The Real Housewives" keep adding more geographical locations, and "Survivor" is at 30+ seasons and still going strong.

But it's not all bad. You see, more reality TV just means more opportunities for us to discover truly terrible human beings who we can all collectively hate. That's called camaraderie.

Many people from all over the U.S. have managed to land on reality television, so the pool was rather large, but we managed to narrow it down to THE most hated person from every state in America except for one: North Dakota. We researched until we could research no more, but couldn't find one hated reality TV star from that state. So congratulations, North Dakotans.

However, what we lacked in N.D. was more than made up for in states like California and Texas, where they apparently breed hated reality TV personalities. Thus, it was very difficult to choose the notorious Puck from "The Real World" over a piece of trash like Spencer Pratt for California, or Russell Hantz from "Survivor" for Texas over one of "The Bachelorette's" most hated contestants, Wes Hayden. But these were the tough decisions we had to make, and we stand by them. So, without further adieu, here are the most hated reality TV stars from each state.

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College Student Accidentally Gets Hot Pics From Professor, Uses Them To Get 'A' On Final

March 1, 2016, 7:55 am

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Well, it beats studying.

A college student who prefers to remain anonymous, but I'm going to call him Chad, shared a story that ended with him getting an 'A' but began with some pretty hot pictures.

Chad explains that at the beginning of the semester, his Intro to Communication professor shared her cellphone number with all the students in case they had any questions. But it seems the professor was seeing someone with the same name as Chad, because she sent Chad these pictures:


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Damn, Chad, what a way to get out of meeting your study group that you hate so much.

Chad even proved that he aced his final exam by sharing his report card.

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Looks like it's actually the professor that needs better communication skills. Lesson one: send naked pictures to the person you intend to send them to.

h/t Playboy

Pretty sure she got a passing grade, too: College Professor Fired After He Snapchats Himself Getting It On With Student

 

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Watch These (Possibly Drunk) Girls Talk About Blowjobs On Camera

March 1, 2016, 8:10 am

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Now that's a headline I can be proud of.

Here we have a bunch of attractive women talking to a guy they've never met about the ups and downs (pun intended) of blowjobs. That's exactly what happened when Simple Pickup hit the streets to learn about women and the world of blowjobs. Take a look at the important video below:


So that's girl talk.

Now checkout some women that get paid for it: And Here Are Some Porn Stars Giving Blowjob Advice With Popsicles

 

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Former Disney Star Maia Mitchell Is A Big Fan Of Topless Sunbathing

March 1, 2016, 8:30 am

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If you don't spend your time watching the Disney channel, then you are probably not aware of Maia Mitchell and her work. Mitchell is mostly known for starring in the classic and unforgettable Disney channel movie "Teen Beach," as well as its equally memorable sequel "Teen Beach 2."

When she isn't starring in amazing movies, the 22-year-old Australian enjoys partaking in topless sunbathing in what I can only assume is in preparation for the rated R version of "Teen Beach 3." Take a look at Mitchell enjoying her favorite hobby below courtesy of her Instagram:

How's the serenity Ps- if the female body offends you pls unfollow

A photo posted by Maia Mitchell (@maiamitchell) on Feb 20, 2016 at 10:05pm PST

And now take a look at more of Mitchell doing non-Disney things:

A photo posted by Maia Mitchell (@maiamitchell) on Nov 3, 2015 at 6:23am PST

2 milli huh, thank u bbs💕 (via @shots)

A photo posted by Maia Mitchell (@maiamitchell) on Nov 22, 2015 at 4:15pm PST

@instylemag

A photo posted by Maia Mitchell (@maiamitchell) on Dec 6, 2015 at 9:13am PST

#SeventeenLatin #SeptemberIssue

A photo posted by Maia Mitchell (@maiamitchell) on Aug 20, 2015 at 1:26pm PDT

📷 @micheleaboud

A photo posted by Maia Mitchell (@maiamitchell) on Jun 19, 2015 at 10:37am PDT

A photo posted by Maia Mitchell (@maiamitchell) on Aug 10, 2015 at 7:20pm PDT

I was reprimanded shortly after @grace_phipps took this picture. #TB2 #fbf

A photo posted by Maia Mitchell (@maiamitchell) on Apr 17, 2015 at 2:30pm PDT

h/t Playboy

More hot former Disney property: Former Disney Star Allie DeBerry Has Grown Into A Super Hot Model

 

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'Speed' VS. 'Con Air': Which Action Movie Ruled The '90s?

March 1, 2016, 9:50 am

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It's the age old question that has been asked by no one but me: which action movie ruled the '90s, "Speed" or "Con Air"? Released only three years apart, both films rocked audiences when they were seen on the big screen; one with a bus and the other with a plane. But now we have to answer which movie was the best of that glorious decade. Let's break it down and finally learn the answer so we (I) can move on with our lives once and for all.

The Hero
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Speed: Once again Keanu Reeves sounded like a surfer pretending to be a cop, but he did spend an absurd amount of time on a public bus, and even got under one.
Con Air: Nicolas Cage plays an Army ranger turned convict who decides to spend most of the movie trying to convince us he's from Alabama (he fails).
Edge: Reeves. We have a tough time believing anyone from Alabama would have a sound plan, so surfer cop it is.

The Gal
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Speed: Sandra Bullock plays the hottest bus driver in Los Angeles.
Con Air: Monica Potter doesn't get involved in the action. She just wonders when her daughter can finally meet her fake Alabama father.
Edge: Sandra saves Keanu's ass numerous times, so she gets the nod.

Loyal Sidekick
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Speed: Joe Morton plays Captain McMahon, and he's pretty much in Reeves' ear the whole time. So he stays out of danger's way for the most part.
Con Air: It's Bubba from "Forrest Gump." He takes a damn bullet for Cage.
Edge: Bubba. Again, the man takes a bullet for his friend. Can't beat that.

Villain
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Speed: Dennis Hopper plays Howard Payne, and he's a retired bomb squad member with a bone to pick with everyone, including LA Metro, it seems.
Con Air: John Malkovich plays Cyrus "The Virus" Grissom, and he's just a serial killer who is willing to do anything for freedom; even kill a stuffed bunny.
Edge: While "The Virus" is a fantastic nickname, it's tough to top Howard Payne doing everything from his living room pretty much.

Villain Demise
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Speed: Hopper's character loses his head on top of a train because Reeves was taller than him.
Con Air: Malkovich's character not only gets electrocuted on power lines, but he gets his head smashed in by a pounder at a construction site.
Edge: Howard Payne may be the more ruthless villain, but Grissom's demise was a hell of a lot more brutal.

Memorable Quotes
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Speed: "You slow down and this bus will explode. There is a bomb on this bus. If we slow down, it'll blow. If anyone tries to get off, it'll explode," is probably one of the more notable quotes from the film.
Con Air: Put...the bunny...back...in the box," is by far the most memorable quote of this film.
Edge: Cage's character literally killed a man because he handled his daughter's gift. So yeah, this pretty much gives "Con Air" the edge. It's also the last thing that dude hears before Cage's character kills him.

Action Sequences
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Speed: Elevators are blowing up, buses are blowing up, subways are flying off the track and, let's not forget, that classic bus gap jump.
Con Air: Chaos on the plane, chaos off the plane, a high speed chase and, let's not forget, a plane lands on the Vegas strip.
Edge: This one is close, but I'll give the edge to "Con Air" simply because Cage's character does most of that while wearing a wife-beater.

Overall Experience
Speed: A plot about a bomb on a bus may not seem so exciting, but it's pretty amazing how much excitement stemmed from that simple concept. Not the smartest movie out there, but it definitely remains one of the most fun action movies, all while trying it's best to stay realistic.
Con Air: Definitely not the smartest movie out there, but all those explosions, fantastic one-liners and hilarious side characters just reminds us what a loud, great movie this is.

So with that said...

Winner
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Sorry, Cage, but Reeves and "Speed" had the best action movie of the '90s by a hair. While it's not as big and loud as "Con Air," it tries its best to steer away from the typical silly action movie and actually delivers with an intense, unforgettable classic film.

And make sure to see these as well: The 20 Best Cheesy Action Movies of the '80s and '90s

 

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Moonlite Bunny Ranch Hookers Offering Free Sex In Exchange For Donations To Hillary Clinton

March 1, 2016, 10:02 am

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When we last checked in with Hookers for Hillary, it was because the professional prostitutes at the Moonlite Bunny Ranch had announced they would be backing Hillary Clinton in the upcoming presidential election in large part due to her stance on healthcare.

Something tells me the dudes in this country are going to care a little more about this story.

According to SourBlue, many of those hookers are now offering free sex to those men and women who make a donation to Clinton's campaign fund.

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One of those hookers is Entis Love, who said she would offer extra free sex in exchange for a donation to Hillary's campaign because Clinton is her "absolute dream."

"She's just a role model," Love said. "She's a woman, she was in power, it motivates us to be who we are, and it is for what we do, so why not?"

Bunny Ranch owner Dennis Hof said he was unsure if the free plow offer violates campaign financing laws, but he said he was a huge fan of his girls' initiative. He added that 495 of the 540 ladies working at his brothels have said they are going to vote for Clinton, and many of them are now offering "free sex if Clinton beats Bernie Sanders and runs against presumably Donald Trump."

So, now you finally have a good reason to vote for Hillary.

More hookers: The 10 Most Memorable Movie Hookers

 

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Watch How Close This FedEx Driver Came To Getting Swept Away By A Tornado

March 1, 2016, 10:41 am

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Yeah, boss? I'm going to take tomorrow off, and I'll need a new set of shorts.

FedEx delivery men and women have a lot to worry about on a daily basis. I mean, there's dropping off packages in a timely manner, making sure they're leaving them in a safe place, hoping nobody steals their truck, hoping to make it through the day without getting bit by a dog, hiding behind vending machines as an EF-3 tornado destroys the hardware store where you just made a delivery - wait, what?


Kyra Johnson was filling in last week for a driver who apparently had the good fortune of breaking his leg earlier in the month when a tornado ripped through the small Louisiana towns of Assumption Parish and Paincourtville. At least 45 homes were completely destroyed, and it looks as though you could say the same thing about Sagona's True Value Hardware.

Johnson said that after she realized the store's doors were locked, she sought refuge between "a Coke machine and the wall." Moments later, the majority of store was blown to shit, but Johnson somehow still had a pulse and was able to walk away from the damage.

"Jesus saved me," Johnson said. "I just kept saying, 'God please don't let me go,' and he didn't."

In a related story, Jesus apparently doesn't give a crap about hardware stores.

h/t Huffington Post

Here's a UPS driver who thinks houses are also toilets: UPS Man Takes A Pee On Customer's House

 

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A Florida Man Stole Money From Girl Scouts Selling Delicious Cookies

March 1, 2016, 11:19 am

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It looks like the folks in hell can start prepping for a new roommate.

According to Click Orlando, police in Florida are still looking for a man who walked out of a Deltona Walmart Sunday afternoon, snatched a money box from a 12-year-old Girl Scout selling cookies and fled the scene in a Hyundai Santa Fe.

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One witness said the asshole ran right past her after he stole the money box, and it all happened so fast that the anger over what had taken place didn't really set in until police arrived.

"This guy walked right by the table and it looked like he was chuckling and grabbed the cash box and start jogging," Katie Lalanne said. "There was another witness and myself, we just looked at each other like, 'Did that just happen?' You could see the anger in every mother that was standing around that table by the time the cop got there, and everybody started telling what they saw."

Authorities said the man originally left the store with a woman and child and then returned to crush the Girl Scout's outlook on life.

In a related story, the Hyundai Santa Fe just can't catch a break. I mean, first Amber Alerts and now this.

It's been one hell of a run for "Florida Man": Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull In Front Of His Neighbors

 

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Kate Upton's Cleavage Nearly Shutdown The Vanity Fair Oscars Party

March 1, 2016, 12:08 pm

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Kate Upton showed up to the 2016 Vanity Fair Oscars party in this dress. I don't know this for a fact, but I'm willing to bet not many men who had a conversation with her that night can remember what it was about. This dress is the single hardest "eye contact test" ever administered. Go ahead and check out more pics of Kate and let us know if you passed or not.

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More: Kate Upton Outtakes Are The Best Outtakes

 

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Dodgers Pitcher Josh Ravin Tweets A Photo Of His Very Broken Arm

March 1, 2016, 1:40 pm

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At least it wasn't his throwing arm, but that doesn't make Josh Ravin's broken bone any prettier to look at. The injury was not from the sport of baseball, but rather a car wreck on Monday night, and the Dodgers pitcher could have been in worse spirits when he tweeted out the very graphic photo below. Consider those bold, underlined words your warning. This one's not easy on the eyes or stomach.

Lookin' like Harry Potters wand.#Abracadabrapic.twitter.com/5loOHt1dBn

— Josh Ravin™ (@FreshSqueezed22) March 1, 2016

I wish I were a Harry Potter fan so I could get the joke. Then I could focus my mind on anything besides what I'm looking at right now.

Related: 14 of the Grossest Sports Injuries of All Time

 

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Joselyn Cano Cannot Stop Amassing Instagram Followers

March 1, 2016, 8:24 pm

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A Guy's Guide To Lube

March 2, 2016, 4:00 am

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A lot of guys argue that they don't need lube because they possess superior sexual powers that make their ladies spout like fountains. To this I say: you haven't used the right lube. Inexpensive and effective, there are many benefits to using lubricant, most of which she'll probably appreciate more than you. So whether she has sensitive skin, you possess a huge dong, or she wants smoother anal intercourse, do both of you a favor and get educated about lube.

1. What Is Water-Based Lubricant Like?
As you might have guessed, water-based lubricants are made from water. The greatest asset is that its texture is smooth and slick, but not sticky, as the others options tend to be. It's also super easy to wash off, won't stain the sheets, and the best option to use with sex toys. But, it does have a big disadvantage: water-based lubes tend to dry out faster than the others, meaning you'll probably have to reapply. Something else to look out for is glycerin in your lube selection, which is known to cause infections in women.

2. What Is Silicone-Based Lubricant Like?
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Though similar to water-based lubricant, silicone-based lubes tend to be greasier and thinner. It's greatest asset -- it lasts much longer. Silicone-based lube is also your best option for water-play (in case you and your lady go at it in the shower or tub). Unlike water-based lubricants, silicone-based lubes can be a bitch to clean, and have been likened to motor oil.

3. What Is Oil-Based Lubricant Like?
I don't recommend you give oil-based lubricants a try during intercourse, but hell, here's some information about it anyway. The reason they aren't popular is because they corrode latex, meaning they're useless with condoms. They're also usually made with ingredients that aren't good for her lady parts, and have a thick, slimy texture. Crisco and Vaseline are popular everyday oil-based items people use.

4. What Kind Of Lube Is Best For Anal Sex?
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An ass doesn't lubricate itself like the vagina. Therefore, lube is necessary. While the "which is best" test is debatable, most would agree that silicone-based is best, but only because it's greasy. This makes it easier to move around in there. It also lasts longer, which lessens the chances of anal tearing. But if you only have water-based at your place, both are effective.

5. What Kind Of Lube Is Best For Masturbation?
While all lube is best for masturbation, most products marketed for doing so are made with oil, actually. Both Wicked Sensual Care's Masturbation Cream and Boy Butter are oil-based lubricants and are quite popular in the marketplace. So opt for oil-based when making sweet love to yourself.

6. How Much Lube Should You Use?
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Experts recommend a nickel-sized amount of lubricant prior to intercourse. If you're able to test a lube prior to purchase, dab some on the side of your hand and feel the texture for yourself. When it comes to applying the lube, it should always be applied on the man's genitals as opposed to the woman's.

7. Want To Have Better Sex? Use Lube
Science says so. In a study of over 2,400 women, researchers at Indiana University's Center for Sexual Health Promotion discovered that, when testing various lubes, participants reported greater sexual pleasure and satisfaction when using either silicon-based or water-based lubricant during sexual activity than without any lube at all. This information corresponds with the majority who report using lube during vaginal or anal intercourse (70 percent) and masturbation (60 percent) to make sexual activity more pleasurable.

8. Coconut Oil Is Quite Popular Among Porn Stars
I once asked porn stars an important question concerning lube: "Which lube is your favorite both on and off camera?" Their responses varied, of course, but most opted for silicone over water-based. The most popular lubricant, however, was neither, and is actually a popular household item: coconut oil. According to these starlets, their reasons were that it doesn't contain anything that is harmful to their lady parts or artificial, and it feels better than anything else. So there you go!

9. Lube Can Make Sex Better For Men, Too
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Lube doesn't just benefit her, fellas. Having a well-lubed wiener is believed to enhance pleasure and prevent tissue damage to your penis (if this has ever happened to you, you probably have lubes of all varieties stocked in your nightstand). Older men have cited that lube has aided in erectile difficulties, as well.

10. Lubricant Substitutes That Can Be Found Around Home
You're ready to do the deed, but you've got no lube. Well, no problem, there are some household items (aside from the coconut oil I've already mentioned) that you can grab instead. Aloe Vera (unless you don't do well with latex), egg whites (though some are grossed out by the possibility of salmonella, this has been debunked), and vegetable and mineral oils such as olive oil, are all potential lubricant replacements. However, I can't verify their effectiveness -- aside from olive oil. That I can vouch for.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

March 2, 2016, 4:10 am

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I hope you all enjoyed Super Tuesday, but now it's time to get excited for Wacky Wednesday! The wackiness starts here, simply by scrolling down below. Don't miss out; everybody's doing it.

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Follow us on Twitter.

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Check us out on Instagram.

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Here are yesterday's Funny Photos, too.

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Related: 18 Totally Stuck Pets Pretending Everything Is Cool

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Don't forget, we always have more Funny Photos.

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The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest: Cat Out Of Water

March 2, 2016, 5:50 am

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Here Are The Top Porn Searches And Categories By State

March 2, 2016, 6:14 am

≫ Next: Australian Mom Is Turning Heads With Her Casual Public Breastfeeding Photo

≪ Previous: The Weekly Mandatory Meme Contest: Cat Out Of Water

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If you're already tired from hearing about all things politics, here is something that is going to make you feel at ease again: porn. Well, not actual porn, but a map of the most searched porn terms and categories in the United States.

Thanks to PornHub (I've thanked them quite a bit in my life) and Vocativ, a map was constructed that shows the top terms and categories searched for across this country. Take a look at the map below, and click here for a bigger version of it.

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It seems that "lesbian" dominates as the most searched term in the West, Midwest and East Coast, while "step-sister" holds its own as well. Hell, even "cartoon" makes an appearance in states like Arkansas and Tennessee.

As far as most viewed categories go, it looks like once again "lesbian" reigns supreme, but "teen" is also popular. Click here to view a bigger version of this map.

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In conclusion, we are all perverts.

Let's go back in history: Here Are The Top 10 Porn Search Terms For Every Year Since 2009

 

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Australian Mom Is Turning Heads With Her Casual Public Breastfeeding Photo

March 2, 2016, 6:43 am

≫ Next: The Funniest '50 Nerds Of Grey' Tweets

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There are still people out there that get annoyed and offended when a woman breastfeeds in public, but one Australian mom is showing everyone that she simply doesn't care what anyone thinks.

Haddas Ancliffe, a blogger at Wholehearted Honey, got all done up for her sister's wedding a few weeks ago. But there was one picture from that wedding that caught the attention of the Internet: Haddas breastfeeding in public while sipping on a drink like the most casual person there.

Take a look at the photo below thanks to Haddas' Instagram:

Just me and my baby having a drink (Gotta do what you gotta do, wedding or not) #normalizebreastfeeding

A photo posted by Haddas Ancliffe (@dahs) on Feb 7, 2016 at 5:23pm PST

Damn, that kid is all suited up and looking fancy while he gets the goods.

The photo has spread like wildfire throughout the Internet, with many people commending Haddas.

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And when she isn't acting all chill with her son's boob in her mouth, Haddas likes to do other things as well. Take a look at more of her photos below thanks to her Instagram:

Just me, my cellulite and my flamingo 👙 it's good.

A photo posted by Haddas Ancliffe (@dahs) on Nov 10, 2015 at 8:56pm PST

Happy 21st Birthday to me! I had a Neverland themed party and I think I'm just gonna have to spam you guys with photos cause it was so nice and it's my birthday so I'll do what I want 😏

A photo posted by Haddas Ancliffe (@dahs) on Nov 7, 2015 at 3:35pm PST

Today my hair had nothing but a little leave-in and it looked this good 🙌🏾 All my curly haired sisters will know how amazing that is!

A photo posted by Haddas Ancliffe (@dahs) on Nov 21, 2015 at 8:28pm PST

I cut my dead ends off and I'm not sure how I feel about how short it is😐

A photo posted by Haddas Ancliffe (@dahs) on Jan 4, 2016 at 11:28pm PST

This shirt speaks for me 💗 #carefreeblackgirl

A photo posted by Haddas Ancliffe (@dahs) on Feb 21, 2016 at 6:44pm PST

h/t Someecards

She doesn't have an issue with it either: Here's Eric Decker's Wife Breastfeeding On Instagram

 

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The Funniest '50 Nerds Of Grey' Tweets

March 2, 2016, 6:44 am

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You're probably aware of "50 Shades of Grey," the bizarre, erotic romance novel that your mom probably read after rejecting your dad's sexual advances (sorry about the mental image). But you're probably not aware of the hilarious parody Twitter account 50 Nerds of Grey. Take a look below at some of their funniest tweets:

'Come over,' she begged. 'I need you right now!'
'Just turn it off and on again,' he sighed.
He hated these late night rebooty calls.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) February 21, 2016

'I can't take any more!' she cried, exhausted after three hours bent over the desk.
It was no good, she just couldn't remember her password.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) February 16, 2016

'Yes!' he screamed, rigid with pleasure 'Oh yes, that's it . . it's coming . . YES!!'
He couldn't believe there was a new Harry Potter book

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) February 10, 2016

If she didn't respond to his needs, he knew the three places to touch that worked every time . . .
Control, alt and delete.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) February 9, 2016

'Would you like a happy ending?' she asked, rubbing the hot oil deep into his skin.
'Oh yes!' he replied.
'OK,' she said. 'Han Solo lives.'

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) February 7, 2016

He was very careful during bondage sessions.
He always used a safe word that contained upper and lower case letters and at least one number.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) February 5, 2016

'I've been a very bad girl,' she said, biting her lip. 'I need to be punished.'
'Very well,' he said and installed Windows 10 on her laptop.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) September 7, 2015

'So, what's your favourite position?' she asked.
'Easy,' he said, 'The middle seat of the sofa, exactly 1.5 metres from the TV and the PS4.'

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) February 3, 2016

'Fancy some role play?' she asked in her nurse's uniform.
'OK' he said. 'You see a three-headed dragon. Do you run or use your magic sword?'

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) February 3, 2016

He tied the collar round her neck.
'I am your master and you are my slave.'
She calmly walked away.
He was going to have to get another cat.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) January 29, 2016

Her finger stroked wildly until finally she screamed and fell back exhausted and flushed.
'At last!' she sighed, 'Level 500 on Candy Crush!'

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) January 23, 2016

She was powerless to resist his advances.
He'd disabled her firewall.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) January 13, 2016

'I'm all yours!' she cried. 'You can do things with me you'd never dare do with any other woman!'
'Alright' he said, and made eye contact.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) January 19, 2016

'So,' he asked coolly, 'Are you ready to play?'
'Play what?' she teased, eyeing the erect wood between his legs.
'Quidditch!' he exclaimed.

— 50 Nerds of Grey (@50NerdsofGrey) December 27, 2015

Nothing erotic here, folks: The Best Tweets On Crap Taxidermy

 

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