You youngsters might know him better as Mario, but if you were at a formative age in 1983, when Cyndi Lauper's "Girls Just Want to Have Fun" was more played than Atari, then you probably first saw professional wrestling manager Captain Lou Albano as Cyndi's swarthy father in the song's
music video. When Captain Lou objects to his girl's hedonistic ambitions, Cyndi punishes dad with a deadly chicken wing maneuver, then goes on having weird-haired fun. From there, the Legend of Lou continued to grow with each rubber band face piercing. I like to think Lou's legend is still growing, some six years after floating off to that very crowded, squared circle in the sky. Hopefully these essential facts, which we present for no timely reason whatsoever, will help keep Lou's great name aloft so he can continue to be a guiding light for future generations.
Captain Lou Was Someone Before Cyndi![10 facts about captain lou albano, lou albano facts]()
"Girls Just Want to Have Fun" put Captain Lou in front of the MTV crowd, but anyone who watched professional wrestling knew that Lou was a spittin', stompin', cussin' force of nature long before that. He was a pro himself, who broke into the biz in 1953 as pretty boy, baby face, Leaping Lou Albano. He turned increasingly towards the bad guy side, particularly as a member of the tag-team duo The Sicilians, and on his own, even against the great Bruno Sammartino. But Lou's mark would be made as a leader of men. Captain Lou managed no less than four singles champs, and 15 different duos to WWE World Tag Team belts. The British Bulldogs would have been Yorkies without Lou. The Wild Samoans, tame. The Valiant Brothers, unprincely.
This Song Exists
It's pandemonium, I know, but NRBQ, a beloved cult band going on its 50
th year in business, penned this ode to their manager, Captain Lou. Visionaries that they are, NRBQ saw Lou's wrestling managerial skills and realized he could easily take that same kind of hustle and bravado to the record game. In honor of such, the NRBQ lads penned this miraculous number about Lou, who intros and outros the song in maniacal fits of self-proclamations and percentages while referring to himself as the "guiding light" and "a bitch on ball bearings, brother, a motherf***er on wheels." I'm just glad I found this one early on in my writing, so as to provide the perfect soundtrack for such an important list. That's right, I'm a method writer. And I'm no longer buttoning my shirt.
Rock 'n' Wrestling![10 facts about captain lou albano, lou albano facts]()
Captain Lou was a big, fat reason wrestling blew up to become the pop culture crossover phenom of the mid-'80s, back when pile-driving was a fad. The MTV masses ate up the Captain's critically acclaimed turn in Lauper's video, just like her manager and boyfriend
David Wolff predicted. After the video's success, Wolff saw dollar signs. He wrangled a multi-year storyline that found Captain Lou doing cameos in two more videos — "Time After Time" and "She Bop." It also found Lauper working in Captain Lou's medium. Wolff orchestrated a legit wrestling feud, which could only be settled by Lauper's charge, Wendi Richter, wrestling Captain Lou's girl, the Fabulous Moolah. Lou and Wolff both deserve a huge amount of credit for the popularity of professional wrestling, but what did they get for their effort? Lou got a gold record to the head, and Wolff got
body slammed so hard by Rowdy Roddy Piper, it nearly broke his back.
This Song Exists, Too
How this video (another Wolffian brainchild) only has 30,000 views is beyond me, considering it's got seemingly every major Glory Days of Wrestling character na-na-na-ing along to "Land of a Thousand Dances," along with Meatloaf and Rick Derringer holding down the rhythm. You've got Nikolai Volkoff Russian dancing, Paul "Mr. Wonderful" Orndorff kissing his biceps to the beat, Junkyard Dog Watusi-ing, George "The Animal" Steele wondering what the hell is happening, and Captain Lou and Cyndi Lauper raising everyone's rock 'n' roll game along with the WWF's ratings (and Cyndi's album sales). It's the WWF's "We Are the World," but instead of ending with a worldwide global hunger campaign, it ends with an all-out grudge match.
Captain Lou Was Destined for Sainthood ![10 facts about captain lou albano, lou albano facts]()
Lou's dad — obstetrician, amateur wrestler, and forceps technology advancer Carmen Louis Albano — went to med school in Italy. So that's where Louis Vincent Albano popped out. Lou was so Italian that he was even baptized at the Vatican, seemingly destined to be a guiding light. But while Lou may have been a proud Italian, he didn't let that get in the way of a good show. In front of a packed house at MSG, he managed Ivan Koloff to a match against local legend Bruno Sammartino. Before the match, Lou disowned his heritage, while claiming to change his name to Alban.
According to Lou, he went on the air and asked, "What have the Italians ever accomplished? They're nothing but ne-." He doesn't finish the word in the interview, but whatever he said got the Italians in the crowd good and steamed, because after Koloff took the belt, they rioted at the Garden and tried to send Lou off to early sainthood.
Captain Lou Didn't Write "Girls Just Wanna Have Fun," but Neither Did Cyndi Lauper
I guess there are worse things to stake as your claim to fame, but Robert Hazard's is, and forever will be, the true penning of Cyndi Lauper's mega "girl power" hit. I can only hope his estate continues to benefit from such a heroic effort. Poor Robert, I feel like he was just a name change away from greatness; Rex Hazard is ready to party. Or Rick Hazard. Robert, not so much. Still, Hazard's own version kind of rocks; it definitely has more oomph to it than Cyndi's candy pop. But the Unusual One had a stroke of genius when she flipped the song and told it from a liberated girl's perspective (with Robert's permission). That world-tilting perspective broadened far beyond Robert's realm, and into Feminism 101. And I think we can all thank Captain Lou for that.
Captain Lou Wasn't Really a Captain![10 facts about captain lou albano, lou albano facts]()
I find this surprising, but Captain Lou wasn't actually a captain in the military. I would think a man who exudes such class and chivalry would have led men into combat, but it turns out that's not the case. He was, however, the captain of his high school football team, who earned himself a full ride at the University of Tennessee while rooming with Sam Rutigliano, the coach of the famed 1980 "Kardiac Kids" Cleveland Browns. Not-really-a-Captain Lou got kicked out of school for cheating on his final, presumably in Grooming 101. He then joined the army, ostensibly to pursue that captain's degree, but was honorably discharged eight months later. I, for one, demand a thorough investigation to see how such obvious officer material slipped through the cracks.
Captain Lou Knew When to Shut Up![10 facts about captain lou albano, lou albano facts]()
With such an outrageous personality, you wouldn't think Lou would know the fine art of Omertà, but you don't spend four decades in any business without shutting up when the Family says so. Apparently, back when Lou was running his mouth as a member of the mafia-inspired Sicilians, he got a bit of a talking to. "The Sicilians eventually had to break up because somebody didn't think them being The Sicilians was too funny, and they got a threatening little message, and it was decided they better quit that,"
said Bruno Sammartino, the man who first saw managerial potential in the Captain and noted as much to promoter Vince McMahon, Sr. Or perhaps he just made Vince an offer he couldn't refuse.
Captain Lou Was a Thespian Outside the Ring, Too
After the WWF took off, Captain Lou started seeing more roles outside of the squared circle, including as Capt. Lou Murano in Hal Needham's "Body Slam," Frank 'The Fixer' Acavano in Brian De Palma's "Wise Guys," and Henchman #1 in Philip Michael Thomas' "Miami Vice." But perhaps Lou's highest thespian achievements (outside of the ring) came in "Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n' Wrestling" cartoon. Sure, it's not Lou voicing his own animated likeness — it's actually George DiCenzo,
Lorraine's dad in "Back to the Future" — but still, where else can you see Captain Lou bedding down with Hulk Hogan?
Captain Lou Put Aside Vanity for the Superness of the World![10 facts about captain lou albano, lou albano facts]()
Captain Lou wasn't going to take the eponymous part of Mario in Nintendo's first show about the iconic game until his wife talked him into it. But when the producers said he'd have to shave his signature rubber-banded beard, Lou had second thoughts. Fortunately for the good of quality children's entertainment everywhere, Lou's friend Regis Philbin talked some sense into him, and the two conspired to shave the scraggly muss on live TV. Lou grew out the handlebar mustache to beat all handlebar mustaches, and "The Super Mario Bros. Super Show!" was born. Lucky Lou even got to clean out Nicole Eggert's pipes in the very
first episode. Granted, it's a bit creepy since Charles was still in charge of the 17-year-old, but still.
