Pretending To Be Stood Up Can Land You A Free Meal

March 9, 2016, 12:44 pm

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Everyone loves free stuff. Furthermore, most of us are usually willing to do whatever it takes to avoid having to pay for something, even if it involves pretending to have gotten stood up by your date. Take a look at how one guy really exhausted himself just to avoid reaching into his wallet to pay for dinner.


Although, I don't think anyone should ever have to pay for Chili's "food" anyway.

Via Imgur

Now get some free Starbucks coffee: A Guy Figured Out How To Get Free Starbucks Everyday

 

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The Hell Just Happened To Yanet Garcia's Butt?

March 9, 2016, 1:41 pm

≫ Next: Today's Funny Photos

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Whether she's wowing us by just telling us the weather, sharing her love of volleyball, or simply looking hot on magazine covers, Mexico's hot weather gal Yanet Garcia has had the Internet talking for months. But now it seems like her ass keeps getting bigger and bigger for some reason.

Yanet shared a video with her fans on her Instagram that seemed to show her ass getting abnormally large right before our eyes. Take a look at the clip below:

Las Noticias FDS ☀️☔️⚡️

A video posted by Yanet Garcia (@iamyanetgarcia) on Mar 6, 2016 at 7:20am PST

Now of course Yanet probably just purposely posted an angled video to be funny, but that didn't stop her fans from going loco:


That all translates to, "I should have become a meteorologist so Yanet could love me."

But hey, maybe it really is Yanet. I mean, she does spend time working on her backside:

Inicié mi día con mi rutina de la mañana y mi @womensbesttea para potenciar mi energía 💪🏻 #womensbest #womensbesttea

A photo posted by Yanet Garcia (@iamyanetgarcia) on Mar 7, 2016 at 12:39pm PST

Enfócate en sacar tu mejor versión 💪🏻

A photo posted by Yanet Garcia (@iamyanetgarcia) on Mar 9, 2016 at 1:02pm PST

#Gymshark 💪🏻

A photo posted by Yanet Garcia (@iamyanetgarcia) on Feb 28, 2016 at 6:26pm PST

Would love to learn what's happening in her neck of the woods.

h/t UPROXX

Now watch Yanet in action: Yanet Garcia Wows Us Again With Video Of Her Revista H Magazine Shoot

 

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Today's Funny Photos

March 10, 2016, 3:10 am

≫ Next: The 10 Mistakes Women Make In Bed

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Friends, I have some great news: I am off tomorrow. That means that this is really my Friday and in a few short hours my weekend will start. Hurray! Oh dear. I just realized that this news is only good for me and not you. I'm sorry. Please accept these funny photos as my apology.






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It's not too late to check out yesterday's Funny Photos either.




















Want more? We got more: Funny Photos

 

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The 10 Mistakes Women Make In Bed

March 10, 2016, 4:20 am

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Historically, it's more difficult to bed a woman than it is to bed a man. Based on the societal evidence, it should then be assumed that women are the gender that's better at sex. But is that really the case? Because, I mean, I've been with some women who certainly led me to believe otherwise.

To make sure I wasn't the only one, I decided to consult an experienced male collective about the most prevalent mistakes made in the bedroom by women. These established gentlemen I speak of are a group of millennial companions I like to call my friends, and, when presented with enough beer, become a fountain of sexual knowledge that oftentimes reveal profound insights about sex and our relationships from a male's perspective. Below are 10 mistakes women make in bed, as decided by a group of men, and not just me.

1. She Doesn't Communicate

How is a man supposed to be privy to what turns a woman on when she doesn't let him know? For starters, we can all agree the vagina is much more complicated than a penis regarding stimulation, so when we're doing something right, let us know! We're like puppies in that sense; we like to be told we're "good boys" when it's warranted.

2. She Doesn't Initiate

Guys don't want to direct the production all the time. By initiating sex, switching positions or trying something new, women demonstrate their attraction -- which is something us guys like to see every now and then. A woman's spontaneity will also turn us on, so it's a win-win. Although sex is all kinds of wonderful, it can get stale rather quickly if you don't switch things up now and then -- kind of like eating the same bland oatmeal day in and day out. Do you want to have gummy, microwavable oatmeal sex? No. No you don't.

3. She Fakes It

Faking an orgasm is lying to your partner. It's blunt, but true. While a woman does so to save our feelings, she's only doing us and herself a disservice. Because by faking, she's telling us that whatever it is that we're doing is getting her off when it isn't, which in turns means we'll continue to perform these ineffective techniques.

4. She Lacks Confidence

A lack of confidence can hinder a couple's sex lives in many ways. Whether it leads to sex with the lights out, clothes being left on, refusing to perform certain tasks because she doesn't feel sexy, or refusing to have sex at all, the bottom line to this conundrum is that we want to have sex with her! We think she's beautiful, sexy and a prime candidate for coitus. Isn't that enough to solidify her image as a regulation hottie? Because it should be. Just let her know she is.

5. She Gets Too Influenced By Porn

Sometimes a woman may act like a porn star, as she believes this is a way to come across as experienced. An experienced man, on the other hand, knows an authentic woman when he's with one, and a woman who turns sex into a Broadway spectacle is anything but authentic, and makes sex awkward, and at times, offensive. Like, I get it: I'm good, but I'm not that good.

6. She Refuses To Have Sex During Her Period

Is period sex bad sex? Not at all. Is it different? Maybe a little, but definitely not enough to avoid having it. So put down a damn towel (opt for dark) and get sexy! There are many great things about period sex that you shouldn't miss out on because of a little blood.

7. She Makes Him Do All The Work

The best way to show a man she's bad in bed is to do nothing. Just lay there as we feverishly hump away at her lady parts as if it's no different than bedding a sex doll, a Fleshlight or a Twerking Butt device. Actually, it's worse -- at least these toys have a vibration setting! By doing nothing, she displays a laziness in an almost "I'm better than you" way, which are two very unattractive qualities.

8. She Assumes We Want To Have Sex When She Does

Despite what you've been told in every sitcom that's ever been broadcasted, we don't want sex whenever she does. To believe so is just plain ignorant.

9. She Goes For The Butt Without Permission

While yes, a man's G-Spot is located inside his butt, this doesn't mean we wants you going down there unannounced. Just as she don't appreciate us poking at her backend without permission, we don't appreciate an unwelcomed finger. All you have to do is ask. Some guys are into it, others aren't.

10. She's Only About The Penis

Ladies: there's more to us than our wieners! Believe it or not, some men actually require more than vaginal penetration to orgasm, so please, get innovative with your man and venture beyond that swinging appendage between our legs.

 

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15 Legal Name Changes That Will Make You Laugh

March 10, 2016, 4:39 am

≫ Next: The Funniest 'Do You Have A Moment To Talk About Jesus Christ?' Memes

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Ron Artest made headlines in 2011 when he legally changed his name to Metta World Peace. The following names are even more absurd. Inspired by everything from religion to "Transformers," these are absolutely 100 percent real.

New Name: Bacon Double Cheeseburger
Former Name: Simon Smith
Age: 33

Reasoning: "It was the culmination of probably too many drinks in the pub where there was a conversation about names. Bacon Double Cheeseburger was pretty much the first thing that came up. Everyone loves bacon, don't they?"



New Name: James Dr No From Russia With Love Goldfinger Thunderball You Only Live Twice On Her Majesty's Secret Service Diamonds Are Forever Live And Let Die The Man With The Golden Gun The Spy Who Loved Me Moonraker For Your Eyes Only Octopussy A View To A Kill The Living Daylights Licence To Kill Golden Eye Tomorrow Never Dies The World Is Not Enough Die Another Day Casino Royale Bond
Former Name: David Fearn
Age: 23

Reasoning: "I wanted to be James Bond and now I am. It's the ultimate fantasy. I can't wait for the first time somebody asks me what my name is."


New Name: Megatron
Former Name: Jason Burrows
Age: 39

Reasoning: "She [the judge] asked if my name change was to defraud creditors, I said 'no.' She asked if it would be detrimental to anyone else, I said 'no.' She then asked if I was indeed changing my middle name to that of my childhood hero, I smiled and said, 'Yes, ma'am.'"


New Name: The Dan Miller Experience
Former Name: Dan Miller
Age: 24

Reasoning: "I like to do little things in my life that amuse me. This amuses me."


New Name: They
Former Name: Andrew Wilson
Age: 43

Reasoning: "'They do this,' or 'They're to blame for that.' Who is this 'they' everyone talks about? 'They' accomplish such great things. Somebody had to take responsibility."


New Name: Jesus Christ
Former Name: Jose Luis Espinal
Age: 42

Reasoning: "I am the person that is that name."


New Name: Santa Claus
Former Name: David Lynn Porter
Age: 54

Reasoning: "In the spirit of giving and caring for kids...I've always loved Christmas."


New Name: Optimus Prime
Former Name: Scott Noll
Age: 36

Reasoning: "My dad passed away the year before and I didn't have anybody really around, so I really latched onto him when I was a kid ... the other guys razzed me for three months to no end. They really dug into me about it."


New Name: Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine Hulk And The Flash Combined
Former Name: George Garratt
Age: 19

Reasoning: "I wanted to be unique. I decided upon a theme of superheroes." Yeah, super unique.


New Name: Princess-Rainbow.com
Former Name: Claire Forshaw
Age: 24

Reasoning: "When I realized it actually cost as little as £10, my boyfriend said that Princess-Rainbow.com was ideal for me because I am mad on rainbows!"


New Name: Tyrannosaurus Rex
Former Name: Tyler Gould
Age: 23

Reasoning: "Because the (T-Rex designation) is cooler. Also, as an entrepreneur, name recognition is important and the new name is more recognizable."


New Name: Big Crazy Lester
Former Name: Joel Whittle
Age: 17

Reasoning: "It's like an alter ego."


New Name: KentuckyFriedCruelty.com
Former Name: Christopher Garnett
Age: 19

Reasoning: "Pretty much everyone still calls me Chris. Some of the people at the office call me Ken or Tuck. But the funny thing about the name change is, regardless of what people call me, every time I go to pay for something, I show someone my ID, and I'm able to tell them about how KFC is, you know, cutting the beaks off baby birds and how their workers are slamming chickens into a wall, kicking them like footballs and laughing about it. And people are pretty shocked to hear about this sort of thing."


New Name: In God We Trust
Former Name: Steve Kreuscher
Age: 65

Reasoning: According to the Associated Press, "He says the new name symbolizes the help God gave him during tough times and says he can't wait to begin signing his artwork with the new moniker."


New Name: Beezow Doo-Doo Zopittybop-Bop-Bop
Former name: Jeffrey Wilschke
Age: 34

Reasoning: Schizophrenia.

 

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The Funniest 'Do You Have A Moment To Talk About Jesus Christ?' Memes

March 10, 2016, 4:50 am

≫ Next: Scrolling Through A Friend's Facebook Page vs. Someone's Page You Hate

≪ Previous: 15 Legal Name Changes That Will Make You Laugh

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Whether it's walking through a shopping center, waiting for the subway or even at your front door, we have all been confronted by someone who is extremely eager to talk about Jesus Christ. So we thought we would gather up the funniest "Do You Have A Moment?" memes, because regardless of your beliefs on JC, you can't deny that these are hilarious.






























More laughs: The 25 Funniest 'The Barber' Memes

 

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Scrolling Through A Friend's Facebook Page vs. Someone's Page You Hate

March 10, 2016, 5:50 am

≫ Next: The Most Awkward Moment In News Broadcasting History

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If text messaging has taught us anything it's that words can have a completely different meaning depending on how you decide to interpret them. But it's not just limited to texting. Social media posts can be read totally differently depending on how you feel about the person. You read into things that aren't there and, if you dislike someone, every single word they write infuriates you. Here's a look at what it's like scrolling through a friend's Facebook page versus someone's page that you hate.


Also check out: Grocery Shopping As A Kid vs. Grocery Shopping As A Single Man

 

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The Most Awkward Moment In News Broadcasting History

March 10, 2016, 7:10 am

≫ Next: Pro-Gun Florida Mom Accidentally Shot By 4-Year-Old Son

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I'm sure not a lot of exciting things happen in Wisconsin, and sometimes newscasters there have to do something to shake off the monotony, but what Charlie Shortino of NBC15 out of Madison, Wisconsin, did was just tough to watch.

Take a look below at how an awful joke led to the most awkward moment in news broadcasting history:


Some say Charlie is still waiting for a response.

And sometimes there are dicks on the news: Dicks On the News: An Important Supercut

 

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Pro-Gun Florida Mom Accidentally Shot By 4-Year-Old Son

March 10, 2016, 7:28 am

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Let me start off by saying that the mom in this story survived the shooting and is going to be OK. And now we can make fun of her.


Jamie Gilt, a 31-year-old Florida mom, probably loves one other thing as much as she loves her son. That thing? Guns. Gilt loves those two things so much that just one day before being shot in the back by her toddler son, Gilt was bragging about how her son is already hyped up to shoot a gun. Yee-haw.


And then the gods of irony decided to mess with Gilt because while she was driving down a Putnam County road, her son came across a loaded gun Gilt had left in the car; a .45 caliber handgun. And yeah, he used it on her.

Deputies spotted Gilt in the middle of the road with a bullet wound. She was quickly rushed to the hospital where she is currently in stable condition. Fortunately, the child was not hurt. Unfortunately, he's had to grow up with an idiot for a mom.

The child is now in the care of other family members, and the Department of Children and Families is investigating the case.

On top of her personal Facebook account, this gun-loving mom also runs the "Jamie Gilt For Gun Sense" Facebook page, a page that seems to have been taken down for the utter lack of sense Gilt showcased (probably).


Deputies say no charges will be file until they can speak with Gilt on the matter.

I guess we should let Gilt have the last word:


Actually, Kenley had the better last word.

(Photos via Jamie Gilt Facebook)

Via NY Daily News

These pro-gun folks sure are smart: Michigan Woman Uses Shotgun To Make A Point, Shoots Herself In Face Instead

 

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The Funniest GIFs Of The Week

March 10, 2016, 7:50 am

≫ Next: Brazilian Model Paola Antonini Has One Leg And Still Does Her Thing

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Your one bright spot in an otherwise gloomy week is finally here again. This latest batch of the funniest GIFs across the Interwebs is sure to put a big, fat smile on your face. So quit moping and get scoping...out all the hilarity below (hey, no one's ever accused me of being a poet).


So...I can just park this anywhere?



For crying out loud, cat, there wasn't even a screen there.



Sometimes you gotta let the groove Yo Gabba Gabba-hold of you.



I suck at captioning stuff like this.



Remember when I said there was something really important to tell you about the slickness of the floor and you replied, "Right after a quick baton solo in front of all my trophies"?



FINISH HER!



I seriously doubt he meant to do that.



Excuse me, do you have a moment to talk about The Church of Jesus Christ of Ladder-day Saints? Wait, where are you going!?



While you're in there, grab me a beer?



He appears to be submitting...maybe a little too enthusiastically.



I know those feels.



And that's all for GIFs of the week. You know the way out.


Before you go, take some of last week's hilarious GIFs with you.

 

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Brazilian Model Paola Antonini Has One Leg And Still Does Her Thing

March 10, 2016, 8:05 am

≫ Next: 'Baywatch' Photos Are Starting To Leak And We Like What We See

≪ Previous: The Funniest GIFs Of The Week

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For those who enjoy complaining about little issues in their lives (and I'm one of them) those issues will seem pretty stupid now when compared to a real issue: like not having a leg.

"Beleza é o que a gente sente por dentro e que também reflete por fora. Beleza são as marcas que a vida nos deixa, todos os chutes e caricias que as memórias nos dão. Beleza, é se deixar viver..."

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Feb 21, 2016 at 4:18pm PST

Brazilian model Paola Antonini was hit by a car a few days after Christmas in 2014 while she was going to Rio with her friends and boyfriend. Unfortunately, she lost her leg in the accident and had to have it replaced by a prosthesis. Now while this may have really brought down a lot of people, Antonini just kept on truckin'.

Take a look at pictures from Antonini's Instagram to see how she's still doing her thing even with one leg:

E lá se vai mais um carnaval... Mais feliz impossível! Já quero o do ano que vem logo! Quem também já não vê a hora de tudo de novo?! 😂🎉🍻💃🏼👙☀️

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Feb 10, 2016 at 2:43pm PST

E depois de um chá de aeroporto e muuuita confusão, já estamos de volta, BH! 🙏🏻🙌🏼✈️

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Jan 16, 2016 at 3:46pm PST

E hoje é dia de aula de dança.. 💃🏼😄

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Jan 11, 2016 at 1:32pm PST

🌊🌴

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Jan 6, 2016 at 2:24pm PST

"A gente é feliz quando decide ser feliz. Ninguém nos traz felicidade ou nos faz infeliz. Esse poder está em nossas mãos." 💛🙏🏻🙌🏼 👙@dmcfitnessbh

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Jan 1, 2016 at 9:25am PST

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Dec 24, 2015 at 8:14am PST

🐚🌸🌊 #gopro

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Dec 20, 2015 at 3:01pm PST

Delícia de dia nesse lugar maravilhoso...@_bbluebeachouses 💛🙌🏼🙏🏻

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Dec 20, 2015 at 7:27am PST

"Cada um de nós compõe a sua história. Cada ser em si carrega o dom de ser capaz, e ser feliz..." 😄✨

A photo posted by Paola Antonini (@paola_antonini) on Nov 28, 2015 at 12:37pm PST

Thanks Internet: A Brazilian Street Cleaner Is Now A Model Thanks To The Internet

 

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'Baywatch' Photos Are Starting To Leak And We Like What We See

March 10, 2016, 8:38 am

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The "Baywatch" movie won't be hitting theaters until next year, but thanks to one of the film's stars, The Rock, we are getting to see some of the gals from the film in their "Baywatch" attire, with more to come hopefully.

While The Rock and Zac Efron both star in this film and will probably argue about who has the better abs the entire time, Rock decided to first share a photo of him with Alexandra Daddario looking hot.

She takes #BAYWATCH to another level.. World fell in love with @alexannadaddario in #SanAndreas and I was so impressed by her chops and presence every day, that I had to have her "rep the squad" in our film. Just wait til you see her - and all our girls - kick ass and protect the bay. #GameOver #BaywatchBabes #CoverYourEyesBoys #BAYWATCH SUMMER 2017.

A photo posted by therock (@therock) on Mar 9, 2016 at 11:51am PST

Kelly Rohrbach will be replacing Pamela Anderson in the iconic role of CJ Parker, and Rock shared that photo below as well on his Instagram:

The two most iconic #BAYWATCH characters of all time. "Mitch Buchannon" and "CJ Parker". Embodied by the dope and talented @kellyrohrbach and some big, brown inked up bald dude who keeps showing up in these epic shots. #OnSet # #MitchAndCJ #EverythingSheDoesIsAlwaysInSloMo #WatchYourEyesBoys #BAYWATCH SUMMER 2017 🔥

A photo posted by therock (@therock) on Mar 4, 2016 at 5:12pm PST

"Baywatch" is going to have a hot villain, and it's going to be Priyanka Chopra:

Every great story starts with a great villain... My sistah @priyankachopra is one of the biggest and most beloved stars in the world. When I asked her how she felt about playing opposite me as our main #BAYWATCH villain she simply said with a sly and seductively evil smile, "Oh you're going down..." Cool is the rule, but sometimes bad is bad. Thank you PC for the strong work week and see you on the rebound in GA. #GoodLordIGotMyHandsFull #ChopraDontPlay #BAYWATCH SUMMER 2017.

A photo posted by therock (@therock) on Mar 3, 2016 at 11:04am PST

But let's honestly give it up to Rohrbach for posting this important photo:

Im really really competitive... #PlankContest #PassedOut

A photo posted by @kellyrohrbach on Mar 7, 2016 at 5:25pm PST

"Baywatch" the movie will be released next summer.

h/t The Lad Bible

Check out what the original stars have been up to: The Stars of 'Baywatch' 25 Years Later

 

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Other Celebrities Are Supporting Kim Kardashian's Nude Selfies By Posting Their Own

March 10, 2016, 9:10 am

≫ Next: The Top 10 Embarrassing Things We All Do At The Office

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Kim Kardashian caused quite a stir when she went completely nude on Twitter, with many people bashing her and questioning her choices as a mother. But believe it or not, there have been some people who have supported her, including some people in Hollywood.

One way these celebrities have been showing their support for Kim is by posting their own nude(ish) selfies. Kylie Jenner shared a photo on her Instagram, using her black bikini to represent the black bars on Kim's original nude selfie. Take a look at the photo below:

👑

A photo posted by King Kylie (@kyliejenner) on Mar 9, 2016 at 11:22am PST

Emily Ratajkowski showed her support on her Instagram, too:

What to wear tonight? #PFW

A photo posted by Emily Ratajkowski (@emrata) on Mar 9, 2016 at 10:49am PST

Courtney Stodden also wanted everyone to know she still does things by posting this photo on her Instagram:

Working on a new single! It's coming out soon... Oh & I can't find anything to wear either, Kim! #girlproblems #kimkardashian

A photo posted by Courtney A Stodden (@courtneyastodden) on Mar 8, 2016 at 1:56pm PST

Hell, even Sharon Osbourne decided to do her own version of Kim's photo on her Instagram:

@kimkardashian you inspired me! #liberated #thetalk

A photo posted by Sharon Osbourne (@sharonosbourne) on Mar 9, 2016 at 10:23am PST

There are obviously more people bashing Kim than there are supporting her, but I'm sure Kim feels good that her random nude photos are getting a thumbs up from some of her "famous" peers.

h/t The Lad Bible

No point in stoping now: OK, Kim Kardashian Is Just Trolling Us Now With Nude Photos

 

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The Top 10 Embarrassing Things We All Do At The Office

March 10, 2016, 9:50 am

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It's pretty interesting that for those of us who work in an office, we spend almost as much time there as we do in our homes. Because of that, we are often forced into situations that are way more embarrassing than they would be if we were by ourselves or with loved ones where we live. There's almost no way to avoid them, but that doesn't make it any less humiliating. Here are the top 10 most embarrassing things we all do at the office.

#10 - Forget that you still have headphones on and try to walk away from your desk.

It's okay; we've all done it. This typically happens when you popped your earbuds in to watch a hilarious viral video, but then a couple minutes later the video is over and now you have to pee. The problem is, you never took your earbuds out. Get ready to feel like an idiot. The only thing slightly worse than this is thinking you have headphones on but you don't, so you crank up "Two Princes" by Spin Doctors for an afternoon pick-me-up and everyone around you discovers that you are a fan of that terrible song.


#9 - Heat up some leftovers that stink up the whole office.

Hey, how were you supposed to know that last night's tuna casserole was going to be so pungent after a quick microwaving? At least you didn't burn popcorn like Tom in accounting did last week, though. But still, you should be ashamed of yourself.


#8 - Answer an unexpected, way-too-personal call.

Guess what? You forgot to pick up your hemorrhoid cream yesterday. And now the pharmacy has called your work phone to remind you to come get it today. How are you going to end this call without letting Suzy in the cubicle next to you know that you have ass problems? By accidentally saying "I love you" to the pharmacist when you hang up, of course.


#7 - Have a conversation with your boss and realize afterward that there was food stuck in your teeth the whole time.

Son of a bitch! And you thought he was chuckling at your witty references to "Office Space" and TPS reports.


#6 - Reply all when you only meant to reply.

Oh God, what have you done? There is no greater feeling of panic than realizing you just sent a dirty joke or snide comment meant solely for your office friend to the entire department and head of HR. If you're lucky, you'll only have to suffer some embarrassment and not have to start looking for a new job.


#5 - Have your stomach growl so loudly that it sounds like a rabid cat is on the loose.

And it often doesn't sound healthy. You literally have no control over this happening, but that doesn't stop you from looking around in horror to see if anyone noticed when it does.


#4 - Get busted checking out a hot coworker.

Look, there's no other way to say this: Sometimes office attire can be sexy. But you have to have some self-control. If you are busted looking at a girl in the office's butt or cleavage once, you better not let it happen again. Otherwise, your one-time embarrassment will escalate into a reputation of you being the office perv.


#3 - Blow your nose.

I don't know why this is so embarrassing, but it is. If it wasn't, you wouldn't see people scurrying to far away corners of your building to secretly bury their noses in Kleenex. We all get snot and boogers up in there, but for some reason the removal process makes our faces red.


#2 - Click on a link your friend sent you while a coworker is walking by and it ends up being something extremely obscene.

Never trust a link that comes from Tumblr. Never. I learned this the hard way (and yes, that is a pun about all the erect penises that were on my screen).


#1 - Fart loudly while taking a crap in the stalls.

This is not a problem if nobody is in the restroom when you are. In fact, it's actually quite funny then. The problem is, when you have to take an office shit, there is ALWAYS someone else in the bathroom. Usually in the stall right next to you. And for some reason, this makes us feel sheepish about taking a dump and what naturally happens when we do. It's because of this that people (including myself) will attempt the fake toilet flush to create a loud noise that will cover up their farting. Now they can finally get some relief without the embarrassment that our human digestive systems cause us in the office restroom.

Now check this out: 12 Things Every Man Does In The Shower

 

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One Mom's Text Exemplifies The Horror Of Being In A Group Chat With Your Parents

March 10, 2016, 10:06 am

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Sometimes it's just easier to text your mom and dad at the same time. That way neither one of them gets jealous and it saves you the hassle of having to tell them both the same thing twice. However, the downside is that parents often get confused with smartphone technology, and may not know they are in a group chat when they start texting each other VERY personal messages. Like this mom did:


Mom better start saving up for some therapy bills.

More: 14 Screenshots That Prove Changing Text Shortcuts On Someone's Phone Is Always Funny

 

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Romanian Woman Stabs Husband In Testicles For Refusing To Help Her With Gardening

March 10, 2016, 11:20 am

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Well, now he's not going to help do the dishes either.

According to The Independent, a woman in Dragomireşti, Romania recently asked her husband to help with "digging in the garden" and then stabbed him in the balls after he refused to do so.


Some outlets had reported the Romanian nut shanking occurred because Ionel Papa didn't buy flowers for his wife on Women's Day, but Papa's wife told a local news site she stabbed her husband in the scrotum because he wouldn't help her dig in the garden.

"He's never bought me flowers in his life," Marinela Benea said. "I asked him to help me with some digging in the garden. I only needed help with the digging. I could handle the rest."

Benea added that her husband refused to dig "because he's a man," so she decided to "see how man he was" but unfortunately OJed him in the grapes instead.

"Frankly, I'm sorry, because I wanted to put a bandage on them until the ambulance came," Benea said. "But he cursed me and threw me out of the house."

Yeah, no shit.

Benea added that she didn't think it was that big of a deal even though she could "see the eggs."

Listen, honey. Whether it's Romania, Nepal, Argentina or Detroit, taking a blade to a man's plums is always a big deal, especially when you can "see the eggs." Throw the book at her, judge.

​This guy's nards paid the price because he did housework: Indian Woman Bites Off Husband's Balls Because He Cooked His Own Food

 

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This Twitter Plot Twist Is Absolutely Brutal

March 10, 2016, 11:59 am

≫ Next: Charlotte McKinney Goes With Hand Bra Pose For GOSEE Magazine Cover

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Since no one has much time for anything these days, here's a super quick story via Twitter. The lesson being: Nothing is ever as it seems.






And that pretty much says it all.

Via Tumblr

Just another twist: Girl Tries To Get Back At Her Ex, Is Absolutely Burned By New Girlfriend On Twitter

 

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Charlotte McKinney Goes With Hand Bra Pose For GOSEE Magazine Cover

March 10, 2016, 12:19 pm

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Whether you would admit to it or not, the first thing you notice about Charlotte McKinney is her boobs. That's why we really paid attention to the Daytona 500 when her cleavage made an appearance, and that's why we are paying attention now.

McKinney recently did a photoshoot for GOSEE magazine, where the cover of the magazine features McKinney giving her boobs the old hand bra. Take a look at the cover below thanks to GOSEE's Instagram:

Today on GOSEE: Spring break in St Barth with America's sexiest bombshell @charlottemckinney Photos: @antoineverglas denim: @diesel

A photo posted by GOSEE MAGAZINE (@goseemag) on Mar 7, 2016 at 3:13pm PST

And while she did end up replacing her hand bra for a normal bra, these other photos from the shoot still look amazing:

Gorgeous tanned goddess @charlottemckinney shot by @antoineverglas in St Barth #goseegirls #topmodels #springbreak2016 lingerie @themissap

A photo posted by GOSEE MAGAZINE (@goseemag) on Mar 7, 2016 at 3:15pm PST

Supermodel and Hollywood darling @charlottemckinney poses for @antoineverglas in St Barth. Swimsuit: @victoriassecret #goseegirls #topmodels #stbarth #springbreak2016

A photo posted by GOSEE MAGAZINE (@goseemag) on Mar 7, 2016 at 3:20pm PST

Now check out the rest of the shoot right here.

h/t Playboy

And don't miss this: Charlotte McKinney Gets Sassy When It Comes To Her Boobs

 

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Dude Wakeboarding Tries Catching Beer, Catches Massive Pole In His Rib Cage Instead

March 10, 2016, 12:19 pm

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Unfortunately, a Miller Lite was lost during this filming.

Having your buddy on a boat chuck you a beer after a sweet wakeboarding sesh can be a ton of fun, especially when you catch that beer. Oh, and especially when there isn't a massive pole sticking out of the water that's about to bring that sweet wakeboarding sesh to a serious halt:

Sauce: TFM

And that's going to leave a mark, one that should be a hell of a conversation starter for weeks to come.

h/t BroBible

Can't stop? No worries. That rack of skis will bring you to a halt: Here's A Good Reminder That Skis Don't Have Brakes

 

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30 Hot Girl Mug Shots

March 10, 2016, 12:21 pm

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While most of the mug shots you see out there are meth-head freaks with face tattoos and missing teeth, even hot girls find their rights read to them from time to time. So here's a gallery of some of the hottest mug shot girls ever to get arrested and then have their photos taken.














The girl above even became a meme.












You don't have to be behind bars to look this good. Check out The 20 Sexiest Girls To Follow On Snapchat.














Related: The 10 Sexiest UFC Octagon Girls
















There's more than one way to get your hot babe fix: The Sexiest Girls On Instagram, Vol. 4

 

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