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Vladimir Putin Loves Waving to Animals


If You Like This Music, Then You'll Also Like...

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The 10 Most Underrated Comedies of the Past 20 Years

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Today's Funniest Photos 2-19-13

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Exclusive Sneak Peek at This Week's 'Kroll Show'

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Nick Kroll's sketch comedy series "Kroll Show" is only halfway through its rookie season, but it has already succeeded in producing mass amounts of hilarity, mainly in the countless characters that Kroll portrays. However, this week Kroll has something new for you. It's a video game that lets you step into the life of a typical post graduate. Go ahead, play a quick game of Post Grad; you've earned it.

"Kroll Show" airs on Comedy Central on Wednesdays at 10:30/9:30c (following "Workaholics").

 

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20 Signs That You're A Narcissist

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Kahili Blundell Looks Lovely in Lingerie

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Julia Voth Will Slap You With Sexy

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A Gallery of Camouflaged Animals

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Unlikely (But Way More Entertaining) Oscar Speeches

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With the Academy Awards right around the corner, everyone begins to make their predictions on who will win in all of the major categories. Office pools are put together and favorites begin to emerge as everyone catches up on the films they'd missed throughout the season. Surprisingly enough however, no one ever makes bets or predictions on who the winners will thank in their speeches. Here are some long shot predictions for acceptance speeches from some of this year's top nominees.


Daniel Day-Lewis
Nominated for Actor in a Leading Role - "Lincoln"

Possible Speech:

Well this is quite an honor. When I accepted the role of Lincoln I must admit I did not know what I was getting involved in. As most of you know I like to immerse myself into the character I am portraying. Due to a typo or my apparent lack of presidential knowledge, I thought I was portraying a Lincoln Town Car. Imagine my embarrassment day after day sitting in the Chevron parking lot studying the curves of each vehicle. I drank gasoline on three different occasions. It was a sacrifice I was willing to make for my craft but alas it was all in vain. I installed tiny handles on my arms so they would open like a door when I moved them to and fro. I was quite committed to this role. Did I mention I would only wear cargo shorts because I felt like the amount of storage they provide was the equivalent of the trunk space in a Lincoln Town Car? Alas I am grateful to have portrayed a president, but seriously, if there is ever a Broadway production of the Pixar film Cars I am quite prepared. Thank you.



Anne Hathaway
Nominated for Actress in a Supporting Role - "Les Miserables"

Possible Speech:


What an honor! What a tremendous honor! Just this morning I passed a blue bird perched upon a weeping willow and I looked at that weeping willow and I proclaimed "Willow, I believe in you! Do you not see the majesty of nature that is embracing you at this very moment? Smile young willow! Let this blue bird engulf you with love!" At that moment the blue bird sang a song "Fa la la la la laaaaaa!" I wept quietly because no one else would ever hear that song! Then I looked back at the tree and realized that song wasn't for me! Why it was for this sad willow tree! The tree looked at me as sure as I'm standing here and you know what happened? He kissed me! Right on the cheek! Why am I telling you this? Because I believe in you! Keep your head up FA LA LA LA LAAAA! You can do it! And you can do it! And we all can do it! Let's paint the surface of the earth with our majesty and our passion! Make love to a cloud! Open mouth kiss a dream! Heaven bless us all!



Bradley Cooper
Nominated for Actor in a Leading Role - "Silver Linings Playbook"

Possible Speech:


"Wow, what a surprise! First off I'd like to thank God. Haha sorry, I meant PSY. The guy who sings Gangnam Style. Many people don't know this about me but I am in fact Korean. I was just about to give up my acting career before PSY motivated me to push onward. You see, I wanted to go out on top and what better way than The A Team? Some may ask "Hey Coop, how does PSY motivate you so much?" Well esteemed colleagues I'll tell you why" **Bradley Cooper puts on sunglasses and a bowtie** "I AM PSY!" **Gangnam Style blasts through the theater as Robert DeNiro joins Cooper onstage and they perform the song for the next 2 hours. No one can hear that music they play when your time is up. Everyone gets pregnant. It's crazy.**


Tommy Lee Jones
Nominated for Actor in a Supporting Role - "Lincoln"

Possible Speech:


"Well here we are, the Academy Awards. While I am very thankful to receive such a high honor, I'd like to use this platform to talk about something more important., the last season of 'Teen Mom'. Why does Gary keep supporting Amber? I honestly don't get it. She treats him terrible and I get that they have a child together but how much can one guy take? And don't even get me started on Farrah. Girl what is going on with your cry face? You need to figure out your relationship with your mom too! Don't yell at her one minute then expect her to watch your kid the next. Why don't you watch how Catelynn and Tyler behave? What a great couple! I find myself cheering for them every week. Does anyone know how they're doing? I think about them so much. Tyler if you're watching don't keep supporting Butch, he's a lost cause. OMG I forgot all about Kailyn! Your baby's daddy is wack. Don't settle for him. This award is for everyone, but specifically for Maci and Leah. I believe in you. Jenelle, don't even look at me. I'm serious. Not a glance." *Tommy drops the mic and walks off stage*


Tim Burton
Nominated for Animated Feature Film - "Frankenweenie"

Possible Speech:

"Nothing is more rewarding than being honored by the Academy so I'd like to thank you for bestowing this honor upon me. I couldn't have done this without Johnny Depp. Johnny Depp is an amazing human being. Did you know Johnny Depp was in the first Nightmare on Elm Street movie? He was also Edward Scissorhands. Is there anything Johnny Depp can't do? One time I was sitting at home and I suddenly realized I had been writing "Johnny Depp" on the back of my trapper keepers for at least 11 hours but what a great way to spend a day, right? Did you know Johnny Depp loves milk? These are just some of the things I talk to my good friend Johnny Depp about on a daily basis. Sometimes when Johnny Depp is in the same room as me we share emotions. One time Johnny Depp and I were both watching "Die Hard 2" and at the exact same moment we said "Die Hard 1 was better." Wow! What great friends! If you were stranded on an island and you could only take 3 things with you what would they be? I know what mine would be, Johnny Depp, a digital camera to document my time with Johnny Depp, and a DVD of Once Upon a Time in Mexico starring Johnny Depp. Did you know dubstep kind of rhymes with Johnny Depp? I have a whole list of things that rhyme with Johnny Depp. Step by step, kitchen prep, yep, pep..." *security steps in and escorts Tim Burton off the stage as he mumbles more Johnny Depp rhymes*

 

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Today's Funniest Photos 2-20-13

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Today in Twitter Typos: Bowel

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Social media has been a terrific way for us all to come together and make fun of people who put their ignorance on display for the whole world to see. Last week, we enjoyed tweets from people who thought rapper was spelled RAPER.

This week's collection comes courtesy of a bunch of people who very unfortunately, yet hilariously, don't realize that there is no E in the word: bowl. And just like that, a random innocent tweet is now about poop.

And here are a bunch of people who have misspelled the most watched sporting event of the year to make it an event that absolutely no one would want to watch.

 

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10 Smoothies to Make You More of a Man

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As men, our bodies are meant to withstand a certain level of beer consumption, greasy foods and downright rank loads of garbage, but at times it's best to counteract these high levels of regular bodily disdain witberry smoothieh a quick and painless concoction from the produce section. Even if you're a salad-tosser or veggie hater, you can get back to the healthy side of life with 10 manly smoothies to make you more of a man.

Each smoothie comes with fruits and veggies, all easily accessible and completely affordable, that are blended up to help you avoid the crunchy textures, overbearing flavors and spinach stench you can't stand. You can blend it however you like, as long as everything gets mixed up nice and smoothie-ly.

You don't have to love fresh produce to suck one of these down, and you can soup up your smoothies with things you like that are good for you, like almonds, honey and dark chocolate. Read on and find the smoothie that's just right for you.

Toxin Cleansing
After a long weekend of drinking, lounging and talking dirty with your pals, this one gets those toxins out of your body more readily. Depending on just how bad you were to your body this weekend, you might need more than just one of these suckers. Just remember to core your apples and pears.

Ingredients:
1 handful spinach
1 green apple
1 pear
1 banana
1 cup pineapple
Few splashes of apple juice

Wheatgrass High
Wheatgrass might taste like ass to pretty much everybody, but it's incredibly good for you. With the right types of fresh fruits, you can drown out its bad taste but still get the health benefits. It's the smoothie that gets rid of the need to plug your nose like a five-year-old trying something new.

Ingredients:
1-handful strawberries
1 banana
½ cup pineapple
2 shots wheatgrass juice
1-cup yogurt (plain or vanilla)
1 cup orange juice
1 tsp flaxseed (optional, but good for you)

Berry Madness
People like berries; that's no secret. Of course we're going to have a heavy berry-focused smoothie for your hardcore berry-loving body. We recommend tossing in a banana, for a little extra potassium, or even yogurt to make your smoothie creamy. If you have a problem with that, add water (filtered please) or just more berries.

Ingredients:
1-2 handfuls spinach
1-cup blueberries
1 banana
I handful strawberries
¼ cup vanilla yogurt
Splash of water
smoothies, healthy drinks
Protein Plethora
Here's the place you go to get the energy and protein you need to start your day. As good as coffee may taste, or as much as you rely on it for survival through hangovers and after sleepless nights, this little number can pick you up right and send you on your way without the horrid crash and constant trips to the boys' room.

Ingredients:
2 handfuls greens (kale, spinach, whatever)
1 avocado
1-cup raspberries
1-cup mango
1 orange
Few almonds
Splash of filtered water

Ecto-Cooler Smoothie
Even Ghostbusters need their fuel before a busy day on the job, running around the crowded streets of Manhattan. Tap into your inner child and toss away that half-ass ecto-cooler juice box and get something good in you. Follow these directions, then bust some ghosts. It's essentially an orange dreamsicle, but green, so much cooler.

Ingredients:
1 avocado
1 banana
2 cups orange juice
½ cup vanilla yogurt
Honey to taste

Peachy Son of a B
The peach-strawberry-banana combo is a tough one to contend with as well, so good luck finding a more refreshing smoothie. If you hold off on blackberries, just add more peach. You can never have too much peach. If you don't like peach, then this is not the drink for you, you "Peachy Son of a B."

Ingredients:
2 handfuls of greens
1 banana
1 peach
1-handful strawberries
1-cup blackberries (optional)

Right Side of the Bed
This one makes a great yogurt bowl unblended, or you could just blend it since that'll probably be the most exciting part of the day, right? You can go avocado or banana to add body to your smoothie, just depends which your body prefers more. Fair warning though, these toppings are addicting when combined with strawberries, but it's better than fistfuls of donut holes.

Ingredients:
1-2 handfuls spinach
1 avocado (or banana) (good fats vs. potassium, you decide)
1-cup strawberries
½ cup vanilla yogurtveggie smoothie, avacado, smoothie
After it's blended, add some granola, dark chocolate chips and/or honey on top. That'll make it hard to put down without finishing it first.

Rainbow Boost
With pretty much every color of the rainbow in here, you'll get a nice immunity boost to help fight off the colds and bounce back quickly when you do get the sniffles. It tastes pretty damn good, too. If you're color-blind or hate rainbows, well, it'll all be blended eventually anyway.

Ingredients:
1-2 handfuls of greens
1 banana
Few strawberries
1 orange
½ cup pineapple
1-handful blueberries

Papa's Papaya
Papa always liked a whole bunch of brightly colored fruit. If you can tear him away from his 5 a.m. grapefruit bowl routine, maybe this will brighten his day. If you can find Hawaiian papayas, then you're at the top of your class. Expect to taste a lot of citrus.

Ingredients:
1 organic papaya (or less depending on its size)
1 banana
1 cup pineapple
Orange juice (go nuts, but not too nuts)

Matt's Clean Green Creation
This one is jacked with all the fresh greens your mama told you to eat before leaving the dinner table. It's my favorite concoction and there's enough protein and fresh energy in here to make your manhood explode, but it won't do that. If the name doesn't sell you, then the drink itself will. And how dare you question my name-making abilities.

Ingredients:
1 handful spinach
1 handful kale
1 green apple (no core)
½ cucumber (optional)
½ avocado
¼ cup vanilla yogurt
¼ cup coconut water (or even just filtered water)
Honey to taste

Obviously everyone has different taste buds and health restrictions. Whatever the fruits and veggies you like, find a smoothie that closely matches what you desire to intake. Then try swapping out things you really can't stand, as long as you add in something healthy in its place, preferably something that has the same health benefits. It might take you a second to get it right, but it's a grand time once you get there. And remember, it's all about the journey.

 

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Rock Stars: Then Vs Now (Or Why Music Totally Sucks Today)

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There used to be a really awesome thing called ROCK STARS and they don't seem to exist anymore. It sucks. This is nothing that hasn't been said before a zillion times, but it really hit me this year when once again I realized that the Grammys don't even give out the awards for Best Rock Album on television anymore. I found out The Black Keys won the Grammy for "El Camino" via Twitter.

I don't want to keep up with what the kids are into because what the kids are into these days SUUUUUUUUUCKS. It just straight up sucks. I don't need to make a more articulate argument.

Chris Brown. Case closed.

I actually went to iTunes to check out with the top 10 rock albums were.

1) Some Garbage Band I've Never Heard Of - Their Awful Album
2) John Mayer - Some Friggin' John Mayer Album
3) AC/DC - Back In Black
4) Some Boring Band Doing A Shitty Version Of Thin Lizzy But It Sounds More Like That Band Jet - Who Cares
5) Journey - Greatest Hits
6) The Avett Brothers - We're The Shitty Eagles
7) Guns N Roses - Greatest Hits
8) Rodriguez - Searching For Sugar Man
9) Led Zeppelin - Mothership (Greatest Hits)
10) Fleetwood Mac - Rumours

I was very confused that HALF of the chart was made up of the greatest hits of bands 20+ years old. Oh, and a goddamn John Mayer record. The fact that such classic rock artists were still selling so well both warmed my heart and left me totally puzzled.

That's when I realized, I was actually looking at the WRONG chart.

New rock music on iTunes is placed into the "Alternative" category. That's because Rock music was officially branded "Alternative" in 1992 by a meeting of the programmers at KROQ that was held at the Pentagon. Bill Clinton was there and he played his saxophone the entire meeting. It was actually pretty charming!

Anyway, get a load of the "Alternative" chart:

1) The Lumineers - Zzz zzz zzz sorry I fell asleep writing this.
2) Mumford & Sons - Babel zzz zzz zzz oops I fell asleep again
3) fun. - Some Nights (that dog. did lower case with a period in the 90's!)
4) Imagine Dragons - We Have The Most Whimsical Stupid Band Name In The World
5) Mumford & Sons - Another Awful Mumford & Sons Record
6) Mumford & Sons - Holy Shit, You've Got To Be Kidding Me
7) Alabama Shakes - Whatever, I'm Tired Of Typing This Garbage
8) The Black Keys - El Camino
9) Of Monsters & Men - YAWN: THE ALBUM
10) Mumford & Sons - Babel zzz zzz zzz oops I fell asleep again (Deluxe Edition)

That's right. FOUR of the spots in the top 10 alternative chart belongs to Mumford & Sons.

Winners of seven Golden Banjos at the 2012 Boring Awards, Mumford & Sons are the biggest rock band in the country right now. I HOPE YOU CAN SLEEP AT NIGHT.

Sorry, but Mumford & Sons do not meet my definition of a rock star. I'm sure those nerds could build a helluva barn for you, but rock stars they are not. Seriously, Bruno Mars is a bigger rock star than Mumford & Sons. If you're gonna wear a stupid fedora, at least put on a show while you're doing it.

Clearly the concept of a rock star has changed since the 1970's and quite frankly, it's unacceptable. I've put together a list of the differences between rock stars in the '70s Vs. how rockstars today. Hopefully you will find it infuriating.

Rock Stars in the '70s

If you were a rock star in the '70s, you'd travel in a big ass jet plane with your band's logo on the side of it. You'd put out a concert film that featured fantasy sequences where you rode around on horseback and it would NOT be pretentious, it would be AWESOME. There'd be legendary stories about hotel rooms being trashed and one infamous incident involving a groupie and a mud shark that is so notorious, it has its own wikipedia entry.

Rock Stars Now

Today if you want to be a rock star, you buy some sweaters I guess.



Rock Stars in the '70s

Rock stars in the '70s were so huge, they could create completely different personas and their alter-egos would become rock stars too. They were so damn good at writing true rock anthems, they could give one to Mott the Hoople like it was no big deal. People would wonder about your sexuality: Are they straight? Are they gay? It didn't matter, YOU WOULD TOTALLY SLEEP WITH THEM WHATEVER THE HELL WAS GOING ON.

Rock Stars Now

Rock stars today live in the woods so they can practice quietly harmonizing everyone in to a coma. They purposely make their band names unpronounceable. Certainly don't assume their band name sounds like it's spelled -- it's NOT. Also they seem to have no shame about finger-picking a guitar.

Rock Stars in the '70s

If you were a rock star in the '70s, you'd yell at their crowd if they were acting like idiots. Your audiences stupidity would enrage you so much, you'd literally build a WALL on stage to keep the mouth breathing suburban burnouts away from you. This would force a nation of shitheads to smarten up and pay attention, making the world a better place for it.

Rock Stars Now

If you're a rock star today, you tweet this.



Rock Stars in the '70s

All you needed to be a rock star in the 70's was four leather jackets, four pairs of jeans and four words in your song... which only uses three chords.

Rock Stars Now

Fuck you.



Am I an angry out of touch jerk, or are things in rock music GENUINELY not as cool as they used to be? Totally rhetorical question, I don't want your answer.

I get it. Rock music doesn't sell any more. I'm a bitter, out-of-touch old dude who is essentially blogging, "GET OFF MY LAWN."

Yup, and it feels great!

Follow @JakeFogelnest and check out his site, too. He says other stuff in both those places.

 

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Rachel Burr Will Warm You Up

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Billy Corgan Is In A Furniture Store Commercial To Promote His Wrestling Company?

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If anyone has any idea why Smashing Pumpkins front man Billy Corgan is in a furniture store commercial that is also promoting his wrestling company, please let us know. And if you have an idea why Billy Corgan has a wrestling company, please fill us on on that, too. And if you have any clue as to how or why this "commercial" makes you want to buy furniture or watch wrestling, we'd also listen to you explain the reasoning behind that, too.

Thanks.

 

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10 Celebrity Impersonator Criminals

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Sierra Rene is the Next Best Ring Girl

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week - February 21, 2013

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Helen Flanagan is a Busty Brit

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