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Twitter1 of 20
Another week, another batch of inappropriately hilarious tweets compiled just for you. Be sure to follow these guys and gals, and check back here every week for more jokes you can tell your friends and pretend you came up with them yourself. They'll think you're hilarious, but inside you'll be cold and dead.
Follow @robfee on Twitter.
"Oh look, rain! Wait, how do I drive again?" - People
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Twitter2 of 20
I sprayed a mosquito with mosquito repellent and now he'll never have any friends.
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Twitter3 of 20
a 80s movie style montage of me trying on different condoms and my bros keep shaking their heads
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Twitter4 of 20
"The world is a beautiful place. Go out and enjoy it." - Joseph Kony
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Twitter5 of 20
Uh oh, I read internet comments on a news story and now I have to push a Q-tip into my belly button until I have an aneurysm :(
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Twitter6 of 20
I'm Barack Obama, and I think reading is *catches football* a slam dunk! *looks at football* oh, for christ's... Biden, we talked about this
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Twitter7 of 20
you can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it break dance without some kind of system of weights and pulleys
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Twitter8 of 20
if you love something set it free. except Shamu.. we all love Shamu but he must be imprisoned forever
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Twitter9 of 20
A Hufflepuff on the street but a Slytherin in the sheets
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Twitter10 of 20
When a porn actress is rude at a restaurant, there's really nothing the staff can put in her food for revenge.
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Twitter11 of 20
"There it is that's the exact spot a person would least expect an outlet to be. Perfect." - overheard by contractors at hotels holding protractors
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Twitter12 of 20
The difference between being romantic and creepy is how hot you are.
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Twitter13 of 20
Some person from Facebook you don't live near has invited you to their crappy event to raise dumb money for their stupid non-fatal disease
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Twitter14 of 20
"Don't worry about serving size. Kids understand how much gum they should chew at once." -- inventor of Big League Chew
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Twitter15 of 20
my GOTH DAD license plate is not a vanity plate it is a coincidence. random string of letters. could've happened to a dad without eyeliner.
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Twitter16 of 20
Never drink too much whiskey then try and have sex. I just learned that the soft way.
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Twitter17 of 20
Like myself, make sure to sleep with both middle fingers up in case a hater breaks in during the night
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Twitter18 of 20
forgot my ipod so im just beatboxing on the bus. driver is breakdancing in the aisle. bus is going crazy right now we havent moved in 2 hours
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Twitter19 of 20
They should make a sleep therapy CD that's nothing but Morgan Freeman and Maya Angelou talking about a mutual friend that had passed away.
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Twitter20 of 20Next: Last Week's Most Hilarious Tweets
Mila Kunis broke up with Macaulay Culkin? Are they really broken up? Maybe Mila just went on vacation & forgot him. Happens to him a lot.
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