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Courtesy of Skymall1 of 31
They can charge for baggage. They can take away our food. But they can never take our SkyMall! When air travel has got you down, the world's most random catalog is there to lift you up. We flipped through SkyMall's most recent catalog and picked out the most ridiculous, useless and all-around weird products. Take a gander and consider buying that special someone a holiday gift they'll never forget ... like a yeti lawn sculpture or odor-masking toilet tablets.
1. Tire BowlEat fruity pebbles without feeling fruity. You're a man! Grrrr.
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Uncle Sam meets Captain America meets The Mad Hatter. And you meet someone's fist because you look like an ass.
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3. Dragon Table
Made by "noted dragon artist" Gary Chang. Chang rose to dragon art fame thanks to competition from absolutely no one.
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For the person in your life who wishes he lived in ancient times when CD-Roms were still relevant.
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Type so hard you break the goddamn keys!
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6. Bacon & Egg Earrings
Every kiss begins with Kay and every slap begins with these.
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When Aderall just won't do and you're too scared to try cocaine, take Stay Up All Day.
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Trim your waistline and rot your teeth right out of your skull!
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A sculpture that ensures a neighbor will never come knocking.
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Look unique and mentally unbalanced in this hideous button down.
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Too much of a wimp to break up with your girlfriend? Don thee now this gay apparel and she'll run out the door faster than LoLo.
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Is that a hammer in your pocket or are you just a useless laggard?
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13. Dr. Seuss Cap & Glasses
Inspired by "Oh the Places You'll Go," you can head straight to your parent's basement with this grad cap cause that's clearly where you'll be spending the next few years.
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Courtesy of Skymall14 of 31
14. Blood Dragon Contemplation Box
The ideal place to store the gun you plan to shoot yourself with.
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Courtesy of Skymall15 of 31
Herd prostitutes with this ancient pimp cane.
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16. Organic Woombie Baby Swaddle
Finally, a newborn straightjacket!
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17. Grip-n-Assist Mobility Belt
Help granddaddy out of bed so he can tell racist jokes from every room in the house.
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18. iGrow Hair Rejuvenation Laser
Hands-free hair growth in case you're not just without hair, but also limbs.
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If this product doesn't cure your hiccups only digital rectal massage will.
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20. Napkin Clip
Who says bibs are just for babies? Wear this at every meal to save shirts and lose friends.
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21. You Go Girl
Help your girl shit with confidence: not only will this dissolving tablet turn her feces fragrant, it'll soften splashes during extra large deposits in the porcelain bank.
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Let Roswell serve your guests. Oh, you don't have any? Not surprising.
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23. Fairy Maiden Tattooed Woman
Add some class to any room.
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Why press a button when you can wave a wand in 13 distinct memorized patterns?
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If you need this clock you smoke entirely too much weed.
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26. Math Clock
If you want this clock you smoke entirely too little weed.
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Fling your friends around for 30 seconds before running out of both energy and interest.
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28. Protein Ketchup
How many times have you thought, if only ketchup had more protein? Probably zero.
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29. Baby Bottle Kountry Krystal
Suck beer from a nipple then try to convince friends and family that you're not a pedophile.
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30. Tranquil Sounds Oxygen Bar
You're too special to inhale the same bullshit oxygen everyone else does.
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Courtesy of Skymall31 of 31Next: Completely Ridiculous Japanese Products
Failed the bar? It's probably because you weren't having enough fun.