If you are nursing or pregnant, we advise you not to read further. Click off this page, go to YouTube, and watch kitten videos. The following content will immediately make you regret viewing it. May God have mercy on our souls.
*Editors Note: We aren't kidding you. Most of these images are pretty gross. So if you've recently had a meal or plan on having one soon, might we recommend you check out some funny photos until you're ready for this?*
1. Guinea Worm
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How to Get It:
1. Drink terrible water containing water fleas infected with guinea worm larvae.
2. Wait a year.
3. Watch as your skin blisters (that's the female guinea worm trying to get out!)
4. Over the course of three weeks, the worm slowly wiggles out of the skin while you watch in horror.
5. Swallow a bullet.
2. Botfly
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How to Get It:
1. Get a mosquito that has botfly eggs attached to its body to suck your blood.
2. Have the botfly larvae enter the mosquito hole.
3. Wait eight weeks for the larvae to develop underneath the skin.
4. Let the little guy burrow out of your skin while you contemplate suicide.
5. Do it.
3. Tapeworm
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How to Get It:
1. Have some undercooked pork, beef or fish.
2. Get diarrhea.
3. Go to the doctor.
4. Have him pull out a 65 foot long tapeworm.
5. Never leave your house ever again.
4. Filariasis
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How to Get It:
1. Get bit by a mosquito.
2. Wait a year.
3. Have your lymphatic system (controls fluid movement in body) invaded by worms.
4. Watch as your lower extremities thicken with edema.
5. Take a breather because it rarely affects the genitals.
6. Kick it old-school with Elephantiasis.
5. Ophiocordyceps
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How to Get It:
1. Be an ant.
2. Eat a fungal spore of the genus Ophiocordyceps.
3. Start feeling funny as the fungus hijacks your nervous system and kills you.
4. Watch from heaven as the fungus grows out of the top of your head.
5. Wish you could warn your ant family that the fungus growing from your head will shoot fungal spores onto other ants.
6. Ascaris
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How to Get It:
1. Accidentally ingest Ascaris eggs in soil or on leaves.
2. Have immature worms hatch in your stomach.
3. Remain ignorant of them while they mature into adult worms in your intestine.
4. If they go to your lungs, which they sometimes do, they may come out of your mouth and nose.
5. Receive a lifetime of therapy.
7. Naegleria fowleri (brain-eating amoeba)
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How to Get It:
1. Go swimming in a warm freshwater pond (preferably the Southwest).
2. Swallow some water.
3. Let the little guys travel to your brain and begin chowing.
4. Let it develop into a fatal brain infection commonly known as Primary Amebic Meningoencephalitis.
5. After symptoms begin to show, say goodbye.
8. Candiru
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How to Get It:
1. Go to the Amazon River and take a dip.
2. Pee in the water.
3. Unknowingly attract the Candiru via the smell of your urine.
4. Let it crawl up your urethra (scientific term: pee hole).
5. Feel pain as it latches onto your insides.
6. Get surgery to have it removed.
9. Loa Loa
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How to Get It:
1. Travel to India.
2. Get bit by an infected deer fly.
3. Wait a few weeks.
4. Look in the mirror.
5. Have a heart attack.
10. Screw Worm Flies
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How to Get It:
1. Hit up Jamaica for spring break.
2. Swat an innocuous fly that landed on your arm.
3. Wake up the next morning itchy.
4. Not realize 500 eggs have hatched into larvae.
5. Maggots are now eating your face.
*Editors Note: We aren't kidding you. Most of these images are pretty gross. So if you've recently had a meal or plan on having one soon, might we recommend you check out some funny photos until you're ready for this?*
1. Guinea Worm
How to Get It:
1. Drink terrible water containing water fleas infected with guinea worm larvae.
2. Wait a year.
3. Watch as your skin blisters (that's the female guinea worm trying to get out!)
4. Over the course of three weeks, the worm slowly wiggles out of the skin while you watch in horror.
5. Swallow a bullet.
2. Botfly
How to Get It:
1. Get a mosquito that has botfly eggs attached to its body to suck your blood.
2. Have the botfly larvae enter the mosquito hole.
3. Wait eight weeks for the larvae to develop underneath the skin.
4. Let the little guy burrow out of your skin while you contemplate suicide.
5. Do it.
3. Tapeworm
How to Get It:
1. Have some undercooked pork, beef or fish.
2. Get diarrhea.
3. Go to the doctor.
4. Have him pull out a 65 foot long tapeworm.
5. Never leave your house ever again.
4. Filariasis
How to Get It:
1. Get bit by a mosquito.
2. Wait a year.
3. Have your lymphatic system (controls fluid movement in body) invaded by worms.
4. Watch as your lower extremities thicken with edema.
5. Take a breather because it rarely affects the genitals.
6. Kick it old-school with Elephantiasis.
5. Ophiocordyceps
How to Get It:
1. Be an ant.
2. Eat a fungal spore of the genus Ophiocordyceps.
3. Start feeling funny as the fungus hijacks your nervous system and kills you.
4. Watch from heaven as the fungus grows out of the top of your head.
5. Wish you could warn your ant family that the fungus growing from your head will shoot fungal spores onto other ants.
6. Ascaris
How to Get It:
1. Accidentally ingest Ascaris eggs in soil or on leaves.
2. Have immature worms hatch in your stomach.
3. Remain ignorant of them while they mature into adult worms in your intestine.
4. If they go to your lungs, which they sometimes do, they may come out of your mouth and nose.
5. Receive a lifetime of therapy.
7. Naegleria fowleri (brain-eating amoeba)
How to Get It:
1. Go swimming in a warm freshwater pond (preferably the Southwest).
2. Swallow some water.
3. Let the little guys travel to your brain and begin chowing.
4. Let it develop into a fatal brain infection commonly known as Primary Amebic Meningoencephalitis.
5. After symptoms begin to show, say goodbye.
8. Candiru
How to Get It:
1. Go to the Amazon River and take a dip.
2. Pee in the water.
3. Unknowingly attract the Candiru via the smell of your urine.
4. Let it crawl up your urethra (scientific term: pee hole).
5. Feel pain as it latches onto your insides.
6. Get surgery to have it removed.
9. Loa Loa
How to Get It:
1. Travel to India.
2. Get bit by an infected deer fly.
3. Wait a few weeks.
4. Look in the mirror.
5. Have a heart attack.
10. Screw Worm Flies
How to Get It:
1. Hit up Jamaica for spring break.
2. Swat an innocuous fly that landed on your arm.
3. Wake up the next morning itchy.
4. Not realize 500 eggs have hatched into larvae.
5. Maggots are now eating your face.