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Articles on this Page
- 03/11/16--16:14: _13 Horrifying (But ...
- 03/14/16--04:11: _The Biggest Objects...
- 03/14/16--04:14: _Today's Funny Photos
- 03/14/16--04:50: _Guy Ruins Other Tra...
- 03/14/16--05:50: _Celebrities With Te...
- 03/14/16--06:08: _Guy Bathes With Two...
- 03/14/16--06:20: _These Are By Far Th...
- 03/14/16--06:26: _Dude Taunts Cops On...
- 03/14/16--07:04: _'Throwable Fire Ext...
- 03/14/16--07:20: _A Sexually Benefici...
- 03/14/16--07:50: _The 9 Most Amazing...
- 03/14/16--09:50: _The First Date: Wha...
- 03/14/16--10:04: _Girl Uses Filter Th...
- 03/14/16--10:49: _This Is What Face S...
- 03/14/16--11:14: _11 Chef Confessions...
- 03/14/16--11:41: _This 40 MPH Wheelch...
- 03/14/16--13:15: _This Is How To Trul...
- 03/14/16--14:01: _Man Learns Valuable...
- 03/14/16--14:26: _Kate Upton Joins Sn...
- 03/14/16--14:41: _Florida Man Speedin...
- 03/14/16--04:11: The Biggest Objects Ever Smuggled In Vaginas
- 03/14/16--04:14: Today's Funny Photos
- 03/14/16--04:50: Guy Ruins Other Traveller's Flight In Most Horrific Way Possible
- 03/14/16--05:50: Celebrities With Terrible Tweets That Make Them Seem Illiterate
- 03/14/16--06:08: Guy Bathes With Two Cobras, Kisses One Just Because
- 03/14/16--06:20: These Are By Far The Most Awkward Couples Ever
- 03/14/16--06:26: Dude Taunts Cops On Facebook While On The Run, Obviously Gets Caught
- 03/14/16--07:04: 'Throwable Fire Extinguisher' Is Exactly What It Sounds Like
- 03/14/16--07:20: A Sexually Beneficial Education On Erections
- 03/14/16--07:50: The 9 Most Amazing Things Found At Celebrity Death Scenes
- 03/14/16--09:50: The First Date: What She's Hoping For vs. What She Gets
- 03/14/16--11:14: 11 Chef Confessions That Will Have You Eating At Home
- 03/14/16--13:15: This Is How To Truly 'Drop It Like It's Hot'
- 03/14/16--14:01: Man Learns Valuable Lesson About Riding A Horse While Drunk
- 03/14/16--14:26: Kate Upton Joins Snapchat and Suddenly Mondays Don't Suck
- 03/14/16--14:41: Florida Man Speeding Home To Use Bathroom Poops In Squad Car Instead
Sock It To Her
I was living in a cold room at the time, and was desperate for a fap. I decided to masturbate into a tube sock as I didn't want to move because I was in the zone, and it was the closest thing to me. I threw it on the ground, forgot about it, and thought it was over with.
About 4 days later, my ex-gf came over because we were going skiing. She forgot high socks, and because my only other pair was on me, I found the pair on the ground forgetting about my problem. She immediately started freaking out that there was something gooey on her feet, screaming and flopping the cum all over the room. She ended up giving herself a mild facial.
The Skirt Defense
When I was around 12 years old, I would lay on our couch in our attic "rooting for the Yankees." As a late bloomer, I could jerk for hours without any messy consequences. One day, I forgot to shut the door and my mom came up the stairs to see what I wanted for dinner. I quickly wrapped a nearby blanket around my waist (my pants and underwear were under a nearby pillow) and tried to play it cool. My mom asked what I was doing and I (as a clever 12-year-old) told my mom "I always wanted to see what a skirt felt like. Maybe one time I can try your heels on? I'm just a curious kid!" My mom never came upstairs to the attic without plenty of warning after that afternoon.
I once was masturbating in the morning because I thought the house was empty. I was in high school at the time and thought I could get a good wank off before heading for school. I'm sitting there with my dick in my hands when I realize the door knob across the hall turning. I immediately put on my clothes as fast as humanly possible, somehow miraculously avoiding catching my penis in my zipper, though I later realized that I had put on my shirt backwards. I'm trying to hold down my breath from the quickness of my reaction. I don't think I was caught, but I still to this day fake wearing my shirt or other clothes inside out to showcase that I make the mistake in mundane scenarios and that the one incident isn't an exception, blowing my cover.
When I was a perverted and horny little kid I would lay down and jerk off onto my stomach and just clean up later. I had gone about a week without masturbating and this caused some build up. When I came, I watched the first rope, as if in slow motion, leave my dick and hit me square in the face. It has caused me to deny giving a girl a facial. Traumatizing.
My old roommate caught me mid-finish and in my sudden fear and quick movement, some got in my eye. Stung like hell.
What makes it so embarrassing is that my eye was red for about three to four days, and every time he saw me he laughed at me.
I was in the Navy, out of boot camp and in my A-School. I left the barracks to head out and realized I forgot my wallet. Ran back up to my room and flung open the door to discover my roommate. He was in a uniform shirt in the middle of the room, on his knees, porn mag on the floor, furiously whacking his pud. Nothing but a dress uniform shirt and socks. I'd been gone no more than 30 seconds.
After he scrambles for cover and I get my wallet, I think for a moment, "His bunk is right fucking there. Why is he half naked and handling his ham in the dead center of the room?"
I was really drunk one night at a friend's house. He was asleep, and his mom was gone to work (night shift). Well, I'm laying on the couch, and grab my laptop to look at some porn. Next thing I know, it's morning. I had fallen asleep before doing anything. My laptop is on the coffee table, with the lid closed. I think nothing about it. Then, my friend's mom starts informing me that I had left porn playing on my laptop when she walked in the front door from work. She said, "Boy, they were really going at it" (imagine a 60-year-old lady voice).
It was the most awkward moment.
Currently in hospital. Get checked every 30 minutes throughout the night without warning (addiction ward). Got caught wanking three times by the same guy in just over an hour. Stupid antidepressants make me last forever. Guy's face each time was pretty hilarious.
We've Got Company
Back when I was 15 or so, I was having a nice little late night session in my room. This was pre-Internet. Back then, if you wanted to fap to video of sex and you didn't own any pornographic VHS tapes, you had to wait until a fap-friendly scene came on Cinemax. So there I was on my bed, pants around my ankles, dork in hand, waiting for something arousing to happen in whatever softcore flick they were airing that night.
I must have fallen asleep. The next thing I remember is waking up in the exact same position I had been in the night before. Pants still around ankles, dork still in hand. Only now, the door was wide open. It was Saturday, and I could hear the rest of my family moving about the house. I think my grandparents were also visiting at the time. No idea which family member -- or members -- saw me like that. Jesus.
I saw my brother fall asleep once on the couch after we had been drinking and watching TV. After he started snoring, he whipped it out and jerked in his sleep. That was an awkward moment since I was staying at his house and my spot to sleep was on the living room floor. I wasn't going anywhere; just had to focus on the TV.
My roommate tends to leave our door unlocked so his friends can walk in without knocking. I try to lock it whenever I leave or masturbate, but I don't always remember. Earlier this year, I was beating off with my laptop on my bed, like I do. I did my thing, then before cleaning up I thought I'd finish a YouTube video I'd clicked on from Reddit. Big mistake. My roommate's friend opened the door to see me, pants down with a big red boner, torso covered in semen, watching a video of a police van running over dozens of protesters in Egypt.
Not my story, but a few years ago my friend was beating it at the family PC and thought he was home alone. Just as he's about to finish, he hears footsteps coming down the stairs and just as his sister turns the corner and comes into the room, my friend stands up and jizzes all over the screen. I don't think it was ever spoken about again.
I set my photos to a slideshow and right when I was almost done, it switched to family photos. R.I.P. boner.
A Loaded, Five-Shot, Four-Inch Mini Revolver
Police arrested Christie Harris in March 2013 for possession of various no-no's within her vehicle. Once she was in jail, the police searched her person for other contraband. Harris said she was "on her period," but the excuse wouldn't fly. They found a gun in her vagina and two baggies of meth in her butt. She was sentenced to 25 years in prison.
A $35,000 Rolex
Christina Lafave met Kenneth Herold in a Las Vegas bar. The 25-year-old told the 66-year-old that she gave naked massages for $300 a pop. Herold, clearly smitten, agreed to the deal and brought Lafave up to his room. Once the massage commenced, Lafave -- no relation to Debra -- snatched Herold's $35,000 Presidential Rolex and, like a magic trick, made it disappear.
Once Herold noticed his Rolex was missing, he confronted Lafave. He also summoned the police, who began questioning Lafave, as she denied stealing the Rolex. After complaining about a pain in her downstairs area, they took her to the hospital where an X-ray revealed the truth: Christina Lafave is a damn, dirty Rolex thief.
54 Bags of Heroin, 31 Empty Bags Used to Package Heroin, 8.5 Xanax Pills and $51.22
Duckface aficionado Karin Mackaliunas was arrested on suspicion of stealing linens from a hotel room. When cops searched her, they found three heroin packets in her jacket pocket. But the fun wouldn't stop there. As they drove to the precinct, officers noticed Mackaliunas fidgeting in the backseat. Upon arrival to the station, they saw that she was paying a whole lot of attention to her vaginal area. She confessed. Officers found a veritable treasure trove within her fish mitten. Not sure why she would choose to pack $.22 in there, but we admire her frugality.
A Half-Pound of Cocaine
Airport agents noticed Shekira Thompson was sweating profusely passing through customs. They pulled her aside and did a routine search, finding an oblong bundle full of $10,000 worth of coke hidden in her sticky love canal. Thompson, 24, had allegedly transported the uncomfortably large amount of cocaine from Kingston, Jamaica, to JFK Airport.
Said field director Robert Perez: "This seizure is just another example of our CBP officers being ever vigilant in protecting the United States from the distribution of these illicit drugs." Vigilant, indeed. Thompson is currently awaiting trial on Rikers Island, where she could be teaching other inmates the tricks of the trade.
Two Pounds of Cocaine
Move over, Shekira Thompson, there's a new sheriff in town. In 2014, Brazilian Maria Eliana was apprehended with 1.98 pounds of powder wedged in her lady passage. The 48-year-old enchantress was traveling from Sao Paolo to Madrid. Could any physics majors out there explain how this is possible?
They say anything goes in El Salvador. In 2006, Lidia Alvarado tried sneaking in an M76 grenade along with a bag of marijuana into La Esperanza prison. What makes this smuggling attempt even more brash is the fact that she stuffed this contraband into a 10.5-inch-long, 2-inch-wide cylinder. Her minge was unavailable for comment.
A Kinder Surprise Egg Full of Cocaine and Heroin
In July of 2013, a 73-year-old grandmother attempted to smuggle a Kinder Egg full of cash, coke and heroin into a prison for her grandson. Standing in line and realizing she would be searched, old Ethel unloaded the contraband from her dusty vagina and handed it to the prison guard.
Family is important. But this loyalty would cost a nameless, faceless senior a 21-month suspended sentence and...wait for it...a fine of 41 Euros. Things are a lot different in Spain.
Four Hypodermic Needles
Carlie Foreman, 23, was taken into a police station after hitting someone's car and acting like, well, a tweaker. She asked to use the bathroom, but when they told her a cop would have to be present and there would be no way to flush the toilet, she meekly explained that she had four syringes, a large spoon and a clear plastic bag lodged in her hoo-ha.
36 Vials of Crack
A 5 a.m. drug deal went south for 22-year-old Ashley Bellamy in late 2012. Her boyfriend pulled a gun on someone attempting to buy drugs, and that person called the cops. Within minutes, Bellamy was performing the ultimate magic trick.
When cops arrived to the scene, they noticed that she was "walking funny." Yeah, I'd be walking funny, too, if I shoved 36 vials of anything up my butt. Bellamy later confessed to the smuggling when questioned, and she and her boo were hauled off to jail. They were charged with intent to distribute.
A Bottle of E&J Brandy
Let's find the silver lining here -- perhaps the mother was just showing her son where he came from. Maybe it was a lesson on the birds and the bees with a bottle of brandy playing dad. Who knows? In 2014 a Florida woman was caught on camera stuffing a fifth of E&J into her, um, self. The perp was never found.
Another Monday is upon is. That's just terrible news. And they packed daylight savings onto this one, to boot. So I excuse you if you're feeling a little groggy right now. The only thing I can offer to help are these here funny photos. Stay strong.
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There are a lot of little things that can ruin your flying experience -- a baby crying the whole time, being seated right next to the toilet, awful turbulence, or, like the poor guy below, some monster wearing their headphones incorrectly.
Take a look at what Joel posted on his Instagram, and see what he had to deal with the entire flight:
This guy had his headphones on like this for almost the entire flight back from Queensland and it was driving me nuts. It was as if he didn't even care or notice his ear was folded over, which is insane. How could you possibly not realise? I was trying to read a book but I couldn't concentrate, every time I looked up it was the same. I wanted to reach over and fix it, ask him what the fuck is wrong with him that he can just be ok with having his ear like that. I was furious. It was the worst flight ever.
Some men just want to watch the world burn.
And sometimes this happens on a plane: A Couple Broke Up On A Plane And A Woman Live-Tweeted Everything
1. Clearly, Donald Trump has forgotten how to spell, and this is just one example! That doesn't mean he can't make America great again!
2. It's hard to imagine Jaden Smith saying stupid things, isn't it?
3. I wish Tyrese knew about some local English classes.
4. Pretty sure Lamar Odom attempted to rap some lyrics and completely failed.
5. Jamie Oliver is both British and an illiterate celeb tweeter, it appears.
6. Something tells me Chris "Birdman" Anderson had a stroke.
7. Charlie Sheen has never given us a list of reasons to be scared of Charlie Sheen.
8. Chris Brown has never given us a good reason to be scared of him.
And here are the rest of these gems:
More where that came from: 20 Of The Dumbest Celebrity Tweets Of All time, Vol. 2
I stopped trying to figure out why people do the things they do a long time ago, so I couldn't even begin to wrap my head around why the guy in this video is in a bathtub with two cobras. And if that's not bad enough, he even tries to kiss one.
Check out the bizarre video below:
This guy can just collect stamps if he's in dire need of a new hobby.
This country is doing OK: Here's What Happened When A Florida Man Tried To Kiss A Cottenmouth Snake
Everyone is awkward sometimes, but then there are awkward people who attract each other like magnets; so much so that when joined, an unstoppable force of awkwardness is created. In other words, here are the most awkward couples ever.
Love still exist.
Hey, whatever makes you happy: The Weirdest Wedding Couples Ever
Tons of idiots taunt the cops while on the run, and it always ends poorly for the criminals, so you'd think others would learn from the mistakes of those criminals. Nope. At least Andrew Marcum didn't because he thought it would be a smart idea to taunt the cops even while on the run.
Take a look at Andrew being an idiot in the post below:
The sheriff of Butler County in Pennsylvania even responded to Andrew on Twitter:
We r close to you marcum soon u will have a new place to live. C u soon.— Richard K. Jones (@butlersheriff) March 4, 2015
The sheriff even made sure to keep a room reserved for Andrew:
Hey Andrew Marcum we've got your room ready... pic.twitter.com/iYkANLD9hZ— Richard K. Jones (@butlersheriff) March 3, 2015
And in a completely obvious twist Andrew was caught:
I don't think he likes his new room.
h/t The Lad Bible
He certainly made it easy: Idiot Mocks Cops, Gets Roasted,Then Gets Arrested
While the folks on TV make using a fire extinguisher look pretty simple, when it comes down to it, it's not exactly the easiest thing to use, especially when you're panicking as flames build around you. But the Elide Fire Ball is an invention that gives you another option.
The Elide Fire Ball is just a ball that you throw into the flames. Check out the demonstration below:
So make room under your sink next to that dusty fire extinguisher for one of these balls.
h/t The Lad Bible
This guy could have used that ball: Here's A Woman Lighting Her Boyfriend's Hair On Fire At A Bar
An erection goes by many names -- boner, trouser snake, woody, hard-on, bone daddy, you get the idea -- and this dangly, veiny male genitalia can be just as fascinating as it is ugly. And boy is it ugly. While a man's penis may not be as sexually complex as a vagina, there are still some key pieces of information to know about the almighty boner that will benefit you in the bedroom, and these are those things.
The Truth About Growers And Showers
Every man on the planet would like to be considered a "shower" (meaning, when soft, the guy's wiener is large flaccid and even larger when hard). However, as fate would have it, the majority of men would be labeled "growers," which means their penis is on the smaller side when flaccid, but grows exponentially when erect. This information was discovered through an international Men's Health survey that reported 79 percent of men fell within the grower category.
Prior to this, the Kinsey Institute discovered that a grower's penis will generally lengthen more than a shower's when erect; meaning, when hard, most growers and showers measure within the average genital size range of four to six inches. Showers just happen to fill out boxer-briefs better. Those bastards.
Boners Can Be Broken – Well, Kind Of
Despite containing no bone whatsoever, the inappropriately named boner can indeed be broken. Though what occurs is more accurately labeled a fracture, this kind of injury happens when a man engages in rougher sex and his erection is bent to an extreme angle, and the resulting pressure then tears the lining of his manhood. Experts have suggested the penile fracture is most likely to occur in the Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl position. That, or when a man thrusts too hard and stabs the lady's perineum. The sound this fracture makes is likened to a "crack" and men will experience immense pain as their penis turns black and blue, and will sometimes urinate blood. Men who have fractured their penises are encouraged to visit the ER within three days of the injury to avoid scarring.
An Erection Can Be Made Bigger Without Surgery
It might be a hard sell, but asking a guy to quit masturbating can greatly benefit a lady in the boudoir as more blood will make its way to his wiener, and he will possess a larger, harder boner according to sex therapist Ian Kerner, Ph.D., and author of "She Comes First." To break this information to your man, Kerner tells Women's Health to say something playful like "You feel so full right now -- you must not have been looking at your computer for a few days." Or, if that's too much (which, as a guy, kind of is), challenge each other to see who can go longest without masturbating.
Kerner also found that the more a man is turned on, the likelier he is to boast a bigger boner. This means you should encourage foreplay before intercourse and try new things he's mentioned in conversation -- in the end, it ultimately benefits both of you so you might as well give it a shot! Other reputable size enhancers according to the Internet and its many experts are: pelvic massages, a healthy diet (more fruits and veggies!), cock rings and hot showers.
Why Are Some Erections Curved?
Kerner told Women's Health, "a little bit of curvature in the penis is not at all abnormal." The curve of a guy's penis falls somewhere from completely straight to a little bent -- if he curves upward, ladies: you're in luck, as he'll have better access to the G-spot! This curvature, in most cases, won't cause any pain. However, should the curve be more extreme, this man may have what's known as Peyronie's disease, which is characterized by abnormal hardening of the scar tissue inside the penis and mostly affects men over 40. This may happen after a man has fractured his penis (see above). Not much else is known about the disease, but if your man boasts an abnormal curve, he should head on over to the urologist.
Let's Talk About Semen
When a man ejaculates, he shoots his seed at 28 mph. However, when sperms enters the vagina, it won't travel this fast, because, as Men's Health puts it, it's akin to four lanes merging into one. In his lifetime, a man will manufacture about 14 gallons of sperm. As for pre-cum -- which a man will secrete before he ejaculates -- this material serves quite the purpose as well. A small gland at the base of his wiener produces what's known as pre-seminal fluid, this is what's ejected before ejaculation. This fluid essentially aids the sperm in traveling safely through the vagina. It also attacks existing urine in the urethra, which can greatly damage the sperm.
And now have fun with it: 12 Things Every Man Does With His Penis
Sure, he isn't a celebrity to you or me, but Novarro was a huge star in the '20s and early '30s, stepping in as MGM's go-to "Latin Lover" after the death of Rudolph Valentino. But we're not here to talk about Valentino's death. In 1968, Novarro was murdered by two brothers that Ramon hired to come by his casa for a whole lotta Latin loving. The brothers thought the actor had a bunch of cash stowed about, and to coax out his stash's whereabouts, they beat Ramon mercilessly, while asphyxiating him with a lead dildo that was gifted by Valentino himself. The story has, of course, been disputed, and it may very well just be an urban legend, but on the off chance that it's true, a lead dildo certainly qualifies as an amazing thing to find at a death scene.
Parsons used to hang tough with Keith Richards, so the man could keep up. But still, having enough morphine in his blood to kill three regular users proved enough to fell the 26-year-old cosmic country star. Just one year shy of making it to the 27 Club, too. Before kicking it, Parsons had expressed to his buddies that he wanted to be cremated at Joshua Tree, but his stepdad had other plans, perhaps financially motivated, and was having the body taken to Louisiana to be buried. Parsons' friends didn't like that plan, though, so they stole the body from LAX using a "borrowed" hearse, drove it out to the desert, loaded five gallons of gasoline into the coffin, lit a match, and created a fireball so big that the cops came running to put it out. Which they did, and found 35 pounds of Gram still left behind. So technically, that's the most amazing thing at any of these death scenes, except for the fact that he was already dead at the time.
Apparently Dekker -- the star of "Dr. Cyclops" and "The Wild Bunch," and also a California State Assemblyman -- was into the kink, because the coroner ruled it was a case of autoerotic asphyxiation when Dekker was found bound, blindfolded and gagged by a horse's bit, hanging naked from a noose attached to his shower rod with two hypodermic needles in his ass and a bunch of dirty sadomasochistic words -- "whip," "make me suck," "slave" and "cocksucker" -- lipsticked all over his dead body. Sadly, after working so hard to get himself off, poor Dekker never even came, at least according to this creepy guy who somehow talked a nice L.A. woman into letting a film crew capture her dirty bathtub, the scene of Dekker's final masturbation attempt.
I always thought that Cass Elliot of The Mamas and The Papas died in the middle of eating a ham sandwich and drinking a Coke while lying down -- because that's the urban myth, probably because that's what Dr. Anthony Greenburgh publicly declared after being the first to examine the big Mama. But it turns out that Greenburgh was way wrong, and Elliot actually died of heart failure at the ripe young age of 32. However, there was an uneaten ham sandwich at the death scene, so you can see how the doctor could have jumped to that conclusion. The fact that the rumor persists to this day is really what makes the ham sandwich all the more amazing.
Ervin McKinness, a.k.a. Inkyy, a.k.a. Jew'elz
Sure, it's just a cell phone, an item found at pretty much every death scene these days, but it's what Inkyy did with his cell phone just before dying that is so amazing here. And yes, you've probably never heard of Inkyy, so he's not technically a celebrity. But he was a rapper. According to the ever reliable Daily Mail, he was "said by friends to have been recently signed or soon-to-be to a major record deal." So it was obviously only a matter of time before celebrity harkened. Alas, time was not on Inkyy's side, nor irony for that matter, as moments before his death in a drunk-driving accident, he tweeted "Drunk af going 120 drifting corners #FuckIt YOLO."
Better known as Colonel Robert E. Hogan from "Hogan's Heroes," Crane apparently also had himself a little side project: secretly filming his many sexual conquests. One day, Crane was found in his apartment -- electrical cord tied around his neck, bludgeoned to death by an unidentified blunt object (rumored to have been a tripod, ironically enough). No one's ever been convicted of the murder, so no one can say for sure whether that box of filthy video tapes found at his apartment is what led to the dirty deed. Authorities looked closely (twice) at John Carpenter, a video-equipment salesman who helped Crane make the tapes, both behind and in front of the camera, but he got off. I mean, he was acquitted.
Philip Seymour Hoffman
PSH certainly wasn't the first person to die with a syringe in his hand, but he had to be one of the messiest. The guy had 20 used needles in his death room. He also had four different drugs in his body -- heroin, cocaine, benzodiazepines and amphetamine -- so I guess he had an excuse for not being tidy. Still, the most amazing number in this whole equation is 50, which was the number of "Ace of Spades" branded envelopes of alleged heroin in the room. Well, that's one sure-fire way to kill the pain on the way out. I'll contend to this day it was selling out for "The Hunger Games" that caused all that pain.
PSH may have given it a solid go, but he was an actor, not the King of Rock 'n' Roll. In order to preside over such a genre, one must rock by example, which Elvis certainly did, especially in the consumption department. Elvis died with no less than 14 different drugs in his system. That's amazing, to be sure, but by far the most amazing thing found at Graceland the day he allegedly died on his throne was an empty bottle of Trisoralen, a tanning medication that Elvis used to keep his portly pigmentation just right for the cameras.
A powerful surgical anesthetic IV drip might seem like the most amazing find at the King of Pop's death scene (it really doesn't pay to be musical royalty), but according to the Telegraph, "a porcelain girl doll wearing a dress was found on top of the covers of the bed where he slept." I couldn't find any word on the make of the doll, but odds are good it was a pretty young thing.
Dating in the 21st century definitely provides you with a lot more options and opportunities, but it's often quantity over quality. If you don't believe that's true, ask any single person you know about the last three dates they've been on and watch them audibly groan. There are few things more uncomfortable than a first date, but it's even worse when you convince yourself it's going to be a totally positive experience. Speaking on behalf of the female perspective, here's what you think is going to happen on a first date compared to what actually takes place.
There are tons of filters on Snapchat to help pass the time when you're ignoring your responsibilities, and the majority of moms don't know that, which is why the girl below decided to mess with her mom by using a filter on one of her pictures.
Take a look at how one mom reacted when she discovered her daughter had suddenly aged 50 years overnight:
Old age is pretty scary.
Kids are cruel: Scottish Girl's 'Allergic Reaction' Prank Snapchat Prank Sends Mom Into Panic Mode
If these face swaps gave you nightmares, then I don't know what this face-swap will do to you because this one involves two women that were extremely bored. And a boob.
So for those that thought they had just created the next great face swap, just know that these women have now one-upped you. Boobs over everything.
Take a look at the video below these women posted on Twitter. And as a heads up, this clip is NSFW.
Boobs and chaos will ensue soon...
There are boobs and an abudance of time wasted below...
Can't say we didn't warn you. We did.
We're just trying to save our own ass. OK, boobs to follow now:
LOL I ACTUALLY CBA pic.twitter.com/WNa6yX1YqK— Lux (@Callux) March 11, 2016
And then there's this: The Best Group Face Swaps on the Internet
You are running a risk already when you decide to handover your food preparation to a stranger who may or may not be sanitary when making your burrito, and you just hope and pray all is well before you devour it. But you may think twice before you devour food you didn't make yourself because thanks to Whisper we know that there are some awful, disgusting chefs out there.
Check out 11 chefs that are the reason you will stay in and eat more often:
And then there is this chef:
So every chef is not a complete dickhead.
In case you still wanted to eat out: 15 Server Confessions That Will Make You Gag
Perhaps "unexpected" isn't the perfect term to use here since you immediately sense the imminent doom of the two participants mere seconds into the video below, but you still can't quite prepare yourself for what comes next. Sure, Kyle may have won the race against his equally dimwitted friend Tony, but at least Tony can actually walk away from the battle relatively unscathed. Kyle, on the other hand, probably ended up confined to the very wheelchair he was jokingly cruising around in (OK, we're sure he was fine, but we can still appreciate the irony).
At least they weren't drunk: Florida Man Gets DUI In Motorized Wheelchair
I don't exactly know how to kick this off, so perhaps you should just watch it and try to figure out what is going on in the Vine below. Then you can tell me.
Check out the Vine below posted on It's Just Luke:
Now carry on with your day.
This is easier to understand: This Is The Most Helpful Thing Any Cat Has Ever Done
If the two liters of Jim Beam didn't have this dude feeling dizzier than Forrest Gump after he touched a boob for the first time, well, this probably did the trick:
Now there is a slight chance the horse might have been spooked by that annoying dog barking up a storm nearby, but odds are it threw this guy off its back because he was drunker than Johnny Manziel on a Tuesday afternoon.
Trying to plow a dog while you're hammered is usually frowned upon: Here's A Drunk Rugby Player Pissing Himself And Trying To Hump A Dog
Kate Upton has done the unthinkable: She cured the case of the Mondays by joining Snapchat. If you're just now joining the excitement, we'd like you to know your week can officially begin on the right foot, as one of the sexiest blondes in the world has just joined the ranks of the sexiest girls to follow on Snapchat. You can follow Kate Upton on Snapchat @KateUptonSnap, as well as add her username on Instagram @kateupton.
If this doesn't get your week going in the right direction, we have one of her first leaked Snapchat photos (below) of her bottomless in yoga pants. Now if that doesn't do the trick, it might be time to skip Mondays altogether. For more of the hottest blondes to follow on Snapchat, including Kate Upton's look-alike, Antje Utgaard(@antje20 on Snapchat), stay tuned for more Mandatory goodness and enjoy a case of the Mondays for once.
Carlos Adonis Ramos-Erazo might be a guy with an annoyingly long name, but he's also a guy currently facing charges of fleeing police, battery on a law enforcement officer, aggravated assault with a motor vehicle on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest with and without violence.
One thing the 24-year-old Clermont man is not is a liar.
According to the Miami Herald, Ramos-Erazo was pulled over by a Lake County Sheriff's deputy Thursday morning for doing 75 MPH in a 55 MPH-zone.
His reason for speeding? You guessed it: He had to take a massive dump.
When the deputy told Ramos-Erazo to get out of his car, he refused, so the officer tried to remove him from his vehicle by reaching through the window and unlocking the door. At the same time, Ramos-Erazo stepped on the gas and beelined it for his house.
After pulling into his driveway, Ramos-Erazo ran toward the house but was tased by the deputy before he made it inside. He was then placed in the back of a squad car (a squad car that quickly morphed into a toilet because it turned out that he really did have take a shit).
And that, children, is why at least one Lake County Sheriff's deputy will be patrolling the area with his windows rolled down for the rest of March.
The best time to poop is apparently not while you're driving: Doctors Have Determined The Best Time Of Day To Poop