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Articles on this Page
- 03/21/16--07:50: _The Ultimate Playli...
- 03/21/16--08:27: _Amy Schumer Leaves ...
- 03/21/16--09:04: _Probably The Worst ...
- 03/21/16--09:50: _18 Things You Don't...
- 03/21/16--09:50: _Weird News: Texas M...
- 03/21/16--11:05: _32 Of The Hottest S...
- 03/21/16--11:37: _There's A New Sexua...
- 03/21/16--11:52: _These 12 Janitor Ho...
- 03/21/16--13:01: _Britney Spears Show...
- 03/22/16--04:15: _Today's Funny Photos
- 03/22/16--04:20: _Here Are 10 Dumb An...
- 03/22/16--04:50: _The Catchiest Weed ...
- 03/22/16--05:50: _The Best of 2016's ...
- 03/22/16--06:20: _10 Internet Memes T...
- 03/22/16--07:14: _Florida Man Tries T...
- 03/22/16--07:50: _10 Wrestlers Who Fo...
- 03/22/16--09:50: _Here's What You Thi...
- 03/22/16--10:16: _These Hailey Clauso...
- 03/22/16--10:42: _This Creepy Winnie ...
- 03/22/16--11:10: _Chelsea Handler Wis...
- 03/21/16--07:50: The Ultimate Playlist To Listen To When You're High
- 03/21/16--08:27: Amy Schumer Leaves Huge Tip For Theater Bartenders
- 03/21/16--09:04: Probably The Worst Start You Could Possibly Have To A Foot Race
- 03/21/16--09:50: 18 Things You Don't See Every Day
- 03/21/16--11:05: 32 Of The Hottest Snapchats Of All Time
- 03/21/16--11:37: There's A New Sexual Orientation You Can Identify As
- 03/21/16--11:52: These 12 Janitor Horror Stories Will Keep You Up At Night
- 03/21/16--13:01: Britney Spears Shows Off Her Toned Body In A Bikini
- 03/22/16--04:15: Today's Funny Photos
- 03/22/16--04:20: Here Are 10 Dumb Animal Facts You Definitely Didn't Know
- 03/22/16--05:50: The Best of 2016's Music Festival Lineups
- 03/22/16--06:20: 10 Internet Memes That Ruined Lives
- 03/22/16--07:14: Florida Man Tries To Buy BMW With Food Stamps, Steals It Instead
- 03/22/16--07:50: 10 Wrestlers Who Fought The Law
- 03/22/16--10:42: This Creepy Winnie The Pooh Mask Is Freaking Everyone Out
One of the most crucial elements of a good high is finding the appropriate playlist that won't completely ruin your day. Even a bad song that pops up out of nowhere can throw off your vibe. That's why we've put together the definitive list of songs to listen to while you're high that you may have never thought of before. Of course some are classics, but if you have more suggestions, feel free to add them. This list will definitely do the job, though. Enjoy and, of course, this only applies to those who live in states where it's legal to smoke. Don't do drugs, kids.
For all of you with Spotify, enjoy the playlist below. We know you're already high, so it's ready for you.
Whether you love or hate her comedy, we can all agree that comedian Amy Schumer is one giving lady.
Bartenders at Richard Rodgers Theatre in New York City were treated to a pretty hefty tip when Schumer stopped by to see the extremely popular show "Hamilton." Check out how much Schumer left on her $77 tab thanks to a picture of the receipt on Madeleine DeJohn's Instagram:
Here she is with her friends at the show:
Schumer took the humble route when asked by CBS New York about the big time $1000 tip she left struggling actors moonlighting as bartenders:
I'm just going to assume those bartenders went all Tom Cruise in "Cocktail" on Schumer.
Schumer also does this: Amy Schumer Posted A Naked Picture Of Herself And She Doesn't Give A Damn What You Think
Guess which lane the girl we're talking about is running in:
The video of a girl from Bay Port High School in Green Bay, Wisconsin running track over the weekend is being heralded as the "funniest video of 2016," and it probably has something to do with the fact that it looks like she had one bitch of a time trying to do so.
"How is your life going?" pic.twitter.com/0XG6bs9c8E— Lexi Cornelius (@lexiannc6) March 19, 2016
You have to give Makenna Kroge some credit here, guys. I mean, not only did she literally hit the ground running when she face planted at the start of the race, but she also took a second tumble just moments later yet still got back up to run across the finish line.
And that, my friends, is what you call the heart of a champion.
I'm pretty sure that after the second spill I would have just beelined it to my old man's Toyota Tercel in the parking lot and popped open a can of Old Style.
h/t Daily Mail
Not the ideal way to start a football game: Pee Wee Football Players Crash Into Vinyl Banner Set To 'Chariots Of Fire'
Here's what happens when you get pepper-sprayed while holding a flare.
In April 2014 during a soccer match in Poland, a fan tried to climb the fence onto the field. The security guard sprayed him, turning him into a blazing inferno. However, the fan only walked away with minor injuries.
Here are 1,550 chairs stacked between two city buildings.
In fact, that is what the art piece was called: "1,550 Chairs Stacked Between Two City Buildings." Artist Doris Salcedo constructed it in 2003 during the Istanbul Biennial, and it probably caused a lot of people to scratch their heads.
Here's an English woman cleaning her pub windows as flood waters rise.
In December 2015, blokes out of York in Leeds faced heavy rain fall and a subsequent flood. As it was supposed to be a merry month, a bloody flood couldn't tame their spirits. Plonkers stayed open for business.
Here are two slugs making whoopee.
The Leopard slug finds another Leopard slug and entangles itself with it. They then bust out their huge blue penises (they're hermaphrodites) and combine forces. They writhe and lick each other while exchanging sperm. Hot.
Here's a picture of a man "encased" in ice.
On a freezing winter night in 2009, Johnnie Redding died of a cocaine overdose. He was at the bottom of an elevator shaft in an abandoned Detroit building, and it is presumed the water rose and froze after he was long gone.
Here's a sinkhole that swallowed a Florida man alive.
In 2013, Jeffrey Bush was sleeping on his couch when all of a sudden a giant sinkhole ate him. His brother rushed to the scene, but was unable to find him. Neither were the cops. They called off the search for him.
Here's an urban bird nest.
Interestingly, birds might use cigarette butts to build nests for another reason besides insulation. Ecologists say that the chemicals in cigarettes could deter parasites.
Here's an Indonesian dude surfing in Java.
He caught the perfect wave. Save for litter and various debris.
Here's a trucker destroying a 135-year-old bridge.
It happened in Indiana. A trucker was on her way to a Walmart (seriously) when she misjudged the weight of her own truck. The historic bridge could only stand six tons, and the truck was 22 tons. She was cited for a misdemeanor.
Here's a brand of bug spray out of Egypt.
Suffice it to say that Egypt isn't too hot on the Jews. This particular brand even advertises in storefronts with catchphrases like "Hitler: Burns Cockroaches" emblazoned on them, so it's clear anti-Semitism is a popularly accepted norm.
Here are clumps of earthworms perfectly in line after a Texas flood.
In May of 2015, floods struck Denison, Texas. Locals were amazed to see patties of earthworms (called "herds") clutter together directly in the center of the road. Biologists were dumbfounded. A theory suggests they communicate by massing together, probably saying to themselves, "How the hell do we survive this?"
Here's a Mercedes that crashed through the wall on the 7th story of a parking garage.
The 67-year-old driver reversed his car by accident at a Bank of America in Tulsa, OK. Bricks fell from more than 80 feet up, but luckily no one was harmed. The cars below, on the other hand...
Here's the Sun Cruise Resort & Yacht in South Korea.
Want to go on a cruise without the sea sickness, expensive drinks and annoying people? Hit up this resort in Jeongdongjin (just don't try to pronounce the name). It was built to look like a beached ship.
Here's a man who was crushed by a rock while having sex with a chicken.
God must have a sense of humor, or at least, he really likes cocks (of the chicken variety). In 1990, a man from Ourense, Spain, began abusing the bird. His thrusts dislodged a boulder which fell on him. No joke. He was 39.
Here's a newspaper that featured an ad for women's bulges.
"A bulge in your pants means a bulge in your wallet," says an advertisement for the Business Bulge, a product that gives women that "extra package" to get the job done. Yes, it's a fictional product, and the website is aimed at promoting gender equality in the workplace. Still, what the fuck?
Here's a statue of the Archbishop of Cologne from 1238 to 1261.
Yes, that is a grotesque sculpture of a young child performing auto-fellatio on himself. The statue of Konrad von Hochstaden adorns the Cologne City Hall. Rumors suggest that a mischievous worker did renovations in the 1950s, adding this nice touch.
Here's a normal day in Japan.
It's not uncommon for a photo out of Japan to blaze through the Internet like a forest fire. This one is no different. It features a giddy local pouring lemon syrup out from under the skirt of an anime girl. Creepy, or hilarious?
Here's a psychotic drunk monkey wielding a knife and attacking people.
It happened on February 5, 2016, in Patos, Brazil. The fire department was called when a monkey drank too much rum and stole a knife from a bar. According to witnesses, it began aggressively attacking people. Oddly enough, the monkey only attacked male patrons. Men, am I right, ladies?
Interesting. We had no idea Noah spent time in Texas saloons.
According to The Huffington Post, a man who was helping his aunt "lay dirt" outside her Tyler home says he found fossilized snails he believes are the result of the Great Flood that many Christians read about in the biblical book of Genesis.
Sporting a "This Guy Needs A Beer" shirt that has been amended to also include "Jesus" and some choice orange shorts, Wayne Propst told a CBS 19 news team that it doesn't get much better than fossils from Noah's flood winding up in "his" front yard.
And they seriously ran with that story:
KYTX CBS19.tv - News, Weather, & Sports | Tyler-Longview
Propst sent the rocks to "self-proclaimed" fossil expert Joe Taylor, a man who doesn't believe in evolution but does believe Noah brought dinosaurs on the ark with him, and Taylor thinks Propst's assumptions about the fossilized snails are accurate.
"From Noah's flood to my front yard, how much better can it get," Probst said.
Well, how about not being an idiot? That's probably something that falls into that "better" category.
A balloon in a hoodie was considered a student: This Is What Passes For Teaching In Schools Right Now
Amy Jane Brand @amyjanebrand
Ana Cheri @anacheri
Angie Varona @angiefyfvarona
Arianny Celeste @ariannyceleste
Bri Teresi @BriTeresi
Brooke Evers @brookeevers1
Carrie LaChance @carrielachance
Chantel Zales @chantelzales
Genevieve Morton @genmorton
Jaclyn Swedberg @jaclyn.swedberg
Jen Selter @jenselter
Jessica Rose @jessicaroseuk
Kennedy Summers @misskennedys
Lindsey Pelas @lindseypelas
Lyna Perez @lynaritaa
Natalie Wolf @natwolf27 (new handle)
Niykee Heaton @NiykeeHeaton
Hilary Duff @ohheyhilary
Raquel Jacqueline @rack4attack
Sara Jean Underwood @SJUnderwood
Bianca Gabriela @suphastarb
Tanya Burr @TanyaBurrBearr
Now, onto the random Snapchat beauties (please let us know who they are):
It's 2016, and we should all be OK with the sexual orientation of another person, regardless of what it may be. So let's all support the people who identify as this new sexual orientation, as well.
Chinese people are humans, too.
Handled perfectly: Scottish Guy Drowns Out Anti-Gay Street Preacher With Bagpipes
Of all occupations, I try my absolute hardest to go easy on the janitors of the world. These people have seen some shit (of both the literal and figurative varieties), and it's downright awful of anyone to make their lives any harder than they already must be. But before you say, "Oh, come on, it can't be that bad," the following horror stories shared via Reddit should be all the convincing you need.
The Bigger They Are...
I used to work custodial at a summer camp and it never failed that at least once every other week, the kids decided it would be hilarious for all of them to take a collective shit. They would all go to one stall and shit one after the other without flushing. Eventually, there would reach a point where the water to shit ratio would flip and there would be more shit in the toilet that they would then leave for us at night to clean. The only thing more disgusting than the smell of shit on top of shit on top of shit is having to clean it up.
Cooler Than Miles Davis
Not a janitor, but I worked as a bus boy for a summer, so I did have to do my fair share of cleaning up random disgusting stuff. One day, I was working an afternoon shift with another busser, and we had an older couple come in to eat. The man seemed pretty senile, but nothing out of the ordinary at first. About 45 minutes after they came in, they had finished their meals and were about to leave pretty soon. That's when shit got real. The guy pissed himself. Bad. He kind of just sat in it for a bit, but he eventually got up and his wife helped him clean himself off in the bathroom. But there was still the problem of the seat and the floor. And who got stuck cleaning it? The other busser because he lost rock-paper-scissors.
Everything But The Bathroom Sink
I worked in a mall in Nanaimo, British Columbia. I mainly cleaned the floors in the early morning and washrooms through the day. I've seen all the typical shit artists writing on walls, etc.
But one day, there was a full turd in the men's bathroom sink.
Someone had to have sat on the counter and pushed one out during regular mall hours. Anyone could have walked in. And there was no toilet paper in the sink or nearby. I radioed security to come check it out because I wasn't sure what to do, and when the guy showed up he lost it and was swearing and super pissed off. I just sprayed it with heavy duty cleaners and left the tap running until it went away. But really, who shits in a mall sink?!
Janitor at vet hospital. A dog came in on emergency with a distended stomach. After meds were given, he threw up half a possum, in bits. I threw up for twenty minutes after helping mop up.
Movie theatre. "Twilight" releases. Separate occasions.
"Team Jacob" written in shit in a woman's restroom stall.
Next release? "Team Edward" written in period blood in a woman's restroom stall.
Randy Marsh IRL
When I was a kid, I did maintenance for the county park system. In a women's restroom at the home base park we started the day at, someone left a turd the length and almost width of a loaf of bread. It was bent and you could tell they tried their hardest to flush it. We called several guys over the radio to drive over and see this thing. Then, we used a piece of wood to finally chop it up and flush it down for good.
I've never seen a shit that big since, and I've always wondered how something like that could even be passed.
Not A Log; I Don't Have A Log
I'm in maintenance in a Pharma company. Our wastewater system got clogged by something BIG. We don't have those fancy cutting and mincing devices and we only use filters to remove the big garbage in the drainage.
Almost all of us maintenance guys were there. The foreman, the mechanic, the electrician and me, the maintenance head. We were in awe. It was a BIG, black and HARD turd. We don't even know what the person ate to make it not break down when water was running against it.
We forced the assistant to go get it and properly dispose it.
The troubling part is that our wastewater system is NOT connected to the comfort rooms. Someone put it there and we still do not know who.
White Trash Spider-Man
When I was janitorial at Walmart, I had to clean one of the most unholy messes I have ever seen. It was a Saturday like any other. I was messing around in the back trying to look busy, and I get a page to the front bathrooms for a mess. I thought it was something minor, maybe a spill, full trash, etc. BUT NO. I get up there and the Spanish lady that I was working with was walking out of the bathroom gagging. So I mentally prepare myself for what I was about to see. I walk in with my cart, open the stall, and I see what I can only imagine is what hell looks like. It looks as if someone had exploded diarrhea FUCKING EVERYWHERE; just climbed to the ceiling like some sort of white trash Spider-Man and let lose. It was horrifying, and of course, I was the only one who could clean it. The other folks couldn't stand the smell without puking. So I manned up and got to it. It took almost an hour (and a whole jug of bleach) to get it clean. That was about the point I realized $7.70 an hour isn't nearly enough to deal with that.
I used to work at a community college doing janitorial cleaning overnight. One night, I walk into the girls restroom in the library and I'm hit with the worst smell I've ever had the displeasure of smelling. I open up the first stall and there is a shit in the toilet that is literally as long as my forearm and twice as thick. I can only imagine the amount of pain this woman had to endure trying to give birth to this massive turd.
In the end, I had to use the plunger and cut it up so it would eventually get sucked down the drain. What would normally have taken me 15 minutes to clean took an hour.
Also in general, the women's restroom is always dirtier than the men's. What is with women that just leave used tampons and pads on toilets??
A friend was a housekeeper in one of those cheap, for-sex motels here in the Philippines. Valentine's Day rush -- people kept coming non-stop (in and out with the 3-hour rooms), so they had to hustle in getting the rooms ready for the couples already in line waiting for their room.
There was this room which had a toilet that got clogged with shit, and it was overflowing with shitty toilet water. With no plunger around (I forgot why) and the supervisor pressuring them to get it fixed in five minutes, he proceeded to pump the toilet with his own two hands -- crisscrossing his fingers and pumping up and down, giving the shitty toilet what must have looked like CPR (he told the story with gestures), which caused an amazing amount of splashing shitty toilet water and liquid shit onto himself and everywhere else.
Anyway, it worked; toilet was able to flush normally. Washed up and got the next customers in there ASAP.
My first job (aside from having a paper route as a 12-year-old) was being a housekeeper at a hotel when I was 15. Pretty gross stuff -- condoms, spilled drinks, pubes, etc. When you open up a room, you're never quite sure what you're going to see, but if you're lucky they tidied up a bit for you, and if you're EXTRA lucky, they left an unopened beer or two. Anyway, I walk into this one room, and the bed is literally SOAKED in blood. Mostly in the middle. Just covered. I was so scared. I called my boss and he said to just toss the sheets, so I did. Then I moved on to the bathroom, and checked the shitty plastic ice bucket to make sure it didn't have water or anything in it. Bam, the whole thing is jam-packed full of massive, bloody pads. Fucking terrible. I had to clean it all up.
A Mind Is A Terrible Thing To Waste
I used to work as a janitor in a hospital as a student job. The worst I cleaned up was in the ambulance room. It was parts of a human brain on the floor. They already had washed up part of it when I arrived!
While some people are still dealing with snow even though spring has officially started, others are enjoying the hot weather in some parts of the country -- like Britney Spears.
The 34-year-old singer decided to celebrate the new season by laying out in a tiny yellow bikini and reminding us all that she still looks hot. Take a look at the photo Spears posted on her Instagram:
Now many people have accused Spears of heavily Photoshopping this image, but whatever the case may be she still looks good. And it's tough to criticize someone who helped 12-year-old pervy me pass the time when I was alone.
Still doing her thing: Britney Spears Speeds Up Your Breathing In These Hot Instagram Videos
Welcome to today's funny photos, your one stop shop for all the LOLZ that you can cram into one day. Come back tomorrow for more. Or, if you can't wait that long, check us out on Twitter and Instagram all day long for more greatness.
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There are a million different articles out there claiming to contain 10 facts about such and such that you didn't know. Sadly, most of the time, you actually did know these things and wasted valuable time simply going over a recap. That's not going to be the case here. Trust us, you've never heard these animal facts before because they are completely absurd (oh, and not exactly "facts," per se).
Related: The World Is An Amazing Place If You Take The Time To Enjoy It
When it comes to selling pot to a pothead, you don't exactly need much salesmanship. Still, it helps to have catchy names for your weed strains. Ranking the top 20, we have what we believe to be a comprehensive list of the catchiest strain names for legalized marijuana.
We're not saying roll up a fatty and have a laugh, but basically that's just another way of putting the idea in your foggy brain. Maybe you could learn some useful ways legalizing the stickiest of the icky can benefit people who don't smoke.
20. Brain Freeze
A sativa (high more than stoned, lighter than indica) dominant hybrid, this little sucker is covered in crystals and lives up to its name with its berry aroma, a little more fun than taking a huge bite of a snow cone (conveniently snow cap is also a strain).
19. Accidental Tourist
Labeled as a hybrid but hitting like an indica (more stoned than high, full body), Accidental Tourist is not for the common fainter. The name kind of says it all. Try this with virgin lungs and find yourself getting escorted out of Red Lobster bottomless with no idea how you got there.
18. Purple Monkey Balls
We just like saying it. Mixing Grand Daddy Purp and Afghan Kush, two of the heaviest indica, makes for a super dominant indica cross that will likely make you feel as though you've been -- yes, here it comes -- hit in the face with purple monkey balls. Or was it your balls? Am I high?
17. Jerry Garcia Kush
The man has both a catchy weed strain and a flavor of Ben & Jerry's named after him. Coincidence? No way, not one bit. This indica, according to common strain encyclopedia, is a flavorful, rocking indica with massive potential for bigs hits and sexy times. Yeah, it suits him.
We're not saying it gives you AIDS, as it was popular back when Sheen was just his usual weird self, but Charlie Sheen OG is parented by Green Crack, Blue Dream and OG Kush, so even his weed strain is no stranger to heavy orgies.
Sherbert lovers will get a kick out of Chernobyl, which despite its name, isn't too scary, and surprisingly a lighter, sativa-dominant hybrid. Expect "dreamy, long-lasting cerebral effects." Yep, that's exactly how people define Chernobyl.
14. Fallbrook Redhair
Sounds like one of our seasonal beers, doesn't it? It's not, but it'll give you a good buzz just the same. It actually is commonly grown in the mountains of San Diego, and is known for its little red hairs.
13. Ninja Turtles Kush
This strain, known for its potent berry goodness, is hilarious to us just imagining someone smoking this and expecting to be anything close to a ninja. Best to stay seated on the couch until the ride is over. There's also a Casey Jones strain, if you're feeling particular.
12. SinMint Cookies
Most avid smokers know about Girl Scout Cookies. No, not those kind of Girl Scout cookies. But Sin Mint takes things to a new level, looking and tasting just as dangerously delicious as the actual cookies themselves. Coincidentally, this strain will likely make you go through a few boxes.
11. Bob Saget OG
Also known as "The Bob," this sufficiently sativa strain had people thinking they were getting something Bob Marley-esque. Instead, they got the weed you smoke before you stress clean. It's a complex gene pool of three individual hybrid strains, a random cocktail of S.A.G.E. and FoCo and Hanis, each of which can be broken down to their own strains, containing chocolate flavors and probably traces of Windex (joking). It's a lot but we expect nothing simple for such a complex guy: part Danny Tanner, part Hollywood potty mouth.
10. White Girl OG
It's not a cross of Barry White and Girl Scout Cookies, but that is a thing. This is probably the kind of weed that makes you talk a lot about yourself...very loudly. Probably doesn't make you a very good driver either. All we know is it's indica and it hurts so good.
9. Goofy Boots
Not much is known about this strain online, but its name might suggest reference to the stoner classic, "Rolling Kansas." The strain itself and the idea of a good stoner flick together tell us it's a keeper.
8. Green Crack
There's no point in sugar coating it, especially when there's crystals already coating it. It's at least more subtle than Crystal Meth OG. Green Crack is one of the most popular and adored sativas, and it's used to cross in other hybrids.
7. Sex OG
A no-nonsense name with a full-frontal high, what could be better? It's an extreme indica hybrid with a likely mix of Afghan and other pungent strains. Just be careful who you smoke it with, boys and girls.
6. Puss Kush
We know cats are assholes, so it makes sense there'd be this funny strain to pay tribute. Thought to be of the Bubba Kush lineage, this indica probably smells as strong as it sounds. That, and Cat Piss, another kitty reference weed strain.
The snauzzberries taste like snauzzberries? No, no. Schnazzleberry. This hybrid runs right down the middle, 50/50, between the sativa/indica families. Mixed with The Dom and DJ Short Blueberry, this super stoner ditty will be like taking a bite out of a big berry pie, which might not sound like a bad idea once you're high and looking for IHOP at 2 a.m.
4. Barack O Bubba
This and Obama OG salute our parting leader. It's a strong, reliable indica that will revolutionize your life, hopefully for the better. Sound familiar? Poor guy smokes a little weed and look what happens: two popular weed strains in his name. Is this what he meant by ObamaCare?
3. Chuck Norris Black & Blue Dream
It's said to have a real "kick" [holds for applause]. Chuck Norris hasn't endorsed this, as he doesn't need it to achieve a perfect roundhouse kick, but it is parented by Blue Dream, one of the dreamiest of the sativa strains.
2. Alaskan Thunder Fuck
Also known as Matanuska Thunder Fuck, ATF is said to eff you up real nice, one of the most popular Northern California strains with hints of Afghan as well. If you try it after hearing the name, don't say you were never warned.
1. Donkey Dick
We literally just LOL'ed when we saw this. The fact that someone heard that name (and the fact it's from Canada) and thought it was a good use of their money mystifies us. That's how they do it on Vancouver Island. We can't help those people, but it makes you wonder how this indica's name came to be.
Coachella (Indio, CA)
April 15-17, 22-24
General Admission: $399
When Guns N' Roses is your headliner, you know it's going to be a weird year. With one of its weakest rock lineups and an unfathomable amount of electronic music, Jay Mohr best summed up this year's Coachella as "Go Saturday." Folks are getting an LCD Soundsystem reunion as well, with heavy electronic headlines from Jack U, Zedd and Ice Cube. Smaller acts include Pete Yorn back with his first new solo album in six years, along with Sufjan Stevens and female acts, Ellie Goulding and Sia. Three words for you: Run the Jewels.
Hangout Music Fest (Gulf Shores, AL)
General Admission: $269
This year's wet, hot festival in the Gulf is feeling consistent, but consistently mid-level. Headlined by The Weeknd, Calvin Harris and Florence + The Machine, the Alabama fest will pull in new music from bands like Alabama Shakes, as well as a lot of the similar-sized acts on the Coachella bill, like Flume, Haim and Foals. Other big names include Lenny Kravitz, who will hopefully bone up and tear his leather trousers, along with Portugal the Man, Panic at the Disco and Kurt Vile And The Violators.
Bottlerock (Napa, CA)
General Admission: $129/day, $309/3-day pass
Well, Buddy Guy and Stevie Wonder are playing so that's all you need to know. But if you're curious, Bottleneck has one of the best and most rock-based lineups so far with Red Hot Chili Peppers, The Lumineers and Cold War Kids on top of the bill, in addition to Florence + The Machine, Death Cab for Cutie, Rodrigo y Gabriela, Ziggy Marley and Lenny Kravitz. It's a fine time for a wine brown-out.
Mountain Jam (Hunter Mountain, NY)
General Admission: $195-249
Mountain Jam has a nice balance between the young gun acts and the seasoned vets of rock 'n' roll with everything from Beck, The Avett Brothers and Gary Clark Jr. to Wilco, Gov't Mule and Umphrey's McGee. Solo acts you'll want to get on top of include Jason Isbell, Chris Robinson Brotherhood and Brandi Carlile.
Governor's Ball Music Festival (New York City, NY)
General Admission: $305
Actually, this might be the most rock lineup yet, with The Killers and The Strokes taking the lead, along with Kanye West. Death Cab for Cutie, M83, Haim and Of Monster and Men. Solo acts include Beck, Father John Misty and Albert Hammond Jr. Oh, and did we mention Kanye already? He's very important.
Bonnaroo (Manchester, TN)
General Admission: $349
I don't know which is better: Bonnaroo's 2016 music lineup or its ticket payment plans. This year's lineup starts with Pearl Jam and LCD Soundsystem before heading into interesting waters with Judd Apatow & Friends (no idea). But seriously, the lineup of Tame Impala, Macklemore & Ryan Lewis, Band of Horses and Grace Potter is solid. You also get Haim, M83 and Father John Misty, little rockers. Per usual, Bonnaroo does not disappoint.
Firefly Music Festival (Dover, DE)
General Admission: $299
Big hitters Kings of Leon, Blink-182 and Tame Impala all hit the Dover, Delaware, stages in mid-June to showcase new music. In addition, festival goers will get a taste of Mumford & Sons, Deadman5 and Ludacris. The 2016 festival regulars (Florence + The Machine, Ellie Goulding, Death Cab for Cutie, Of Monsters and Men) will join other mid-range acts like Grouplove, Chvrches, The 1975, along with Earth Wind and Fire. As far as festivals go, this is the best bang for your buck, getting four days of solid bands at a low price.
Summerfest (Milwaukee, WI)
June 29-July 3, July 5-10
General Admission: From $20/$48 (3-day)/$90 (full pass)
Eh, maybe this is the best bang for your buck, instead, as Summeriest offers $20 day passes ($48 for 3 days) to see unrepeated festival bands The Rollings Stones, Linking Park and Neil Young & The Promise of the Real. All that is in addition to Jane's Addiction, Kings of Leon, Stevie Wonder, Kendrick Lamar, Buddy Guy, The Doobie Brothers and Edward Sharpe & The Magnetic Zeros. If that doesn't wet your whistle, Summerfest is also rolling out the lawn for fan favorites like The Kooks, Flogging Molly, Coheed and Cambria, Brand New and The Isley Brothers. Solo acts include Ed Sheeran, Keith Urban and Sheryl Crow.
Pitchfork Festival (Chicago, IL)
General Admission: $65/$165 (3/day)
It wouldn't be a music festival roundup without one of our favorite indie festivals, Pitchfork. This year's midsummer scene has invited Broken Social Scene, Brian Wilson performing "Pet Sounds" and Illinois boy Sufjan Stevens. Other acts include Carly Rae Jepsen, Beach House and BJ the Chicago Kid. If you're in Chicago, that's a three-day event worth dropping in on while you sweat out the Chicago summer humidity.
Lollapalooza (Chicago, IL)
General Admission: $120/$335 (4-day)
This year's Chicago showdown takes places in late July (instead of the usual early August), taking on four days (instead of the usual three) to celebrate its 25th anniversary. The lineup is yet to be announced for the Chicago location, but if the Colombia, Brazil and Argentina shows are any indication, we'll be getting Eminem and Florence + The Machine as headliners with strong smaller acts like Noel Gallagher's High Flying Birds, Mumford & Sons and Tame Impala, along with a bit of flavor from Jack U, Zedd, Kaskade and Snoop Dogg.
Plastic Surgery Ad
One thing with the Internet is that you don't have control over what happens to your image once it's out there. For Taiwanese model Heidi Yeh, a simple job for a cosmetic surgery clinic turned into a nightmare when the picture fell into very different context. The ad was a dumb joke where Yeh and a handsome man posed with three kids digitally altered to look really goofy looking, but it was picked up by a Chinese newspaper who used it for a fake story about a man who divorced his wife after becoming suspicious that their kids came out ugly. From there, it spread virally, and Yeh started losing work -- because people thought she really got plastic surgery! She's suing the company for damages.
Veerender Jubbal is a Sikh Canadian writer who advocates for better treatment of LGBTQ people and other minorities in video games. That made him an attractive target for a group of angry, hateful gamers, and in the wake of the terrorist attacks on Paris they created a meme that put his life in danger. Taking a selfie of Jubbal, the haters photoshopped in a Koran and a suicide vest, then distributed it with a caption identifying him as one of the terrorists. The tweet went viral and Jubbal's face was printed in newspapers and aired on TV networks around the world. Many printed retractions, but it doesn't change the fact that millions of people now associate his face with "terrorist."
Zits are one of those things that we all suffer from to some degree. When Washington woman Ashley VanPevenage sat down for a friend who runs an Instagram makeup account for a "before and after" shot, the results were pretty great. Less great was the deluge of other accounts that swiped her pic and attached demeaning captions to it like, "The reason why you gotta take a bitch swimming on the first date." Thousands and thousands of hateful messages followed, tearing Ashley's self-esteem to shreds. Thankfully, she was able to rise above the hate and release a YouTube video giving her side of the story, but it wasn't a pleasant experience for her.
New York City has eight million stories, and Christopher Hermelin wanted to write more of them. The dude set up on the High Line -- an elevated park on the west side of Manhattan -- with a typewriter and a sign advertising his services. When a snap of him hit the front page of Reddit with a snarky anti-hipster caption, it received millions of views and hundreds of comments like, "I have never wanted to fist fight someone so badly in my entire life." The pic soon became an image meme that spread all over, with communities uniting in their derision for Hermelin's way of spending his days. Although he didn't get the same level of harassment that others on the list did, it's still an illustration of how even the most benign memes can go wildly out of control.
Old or young, the world of memes doesn't care. Case in point: two-year-old Mariah Anderson, who was born with rare Chromosome Two Duplication Syndrome. The little girl's photo was taken on her second birthday and shared online, but what should have been a display of family happiness quickly transformed into something much darker. Twitter users got hold of the picture and began spreading it like crazy with captions like, "This why I say watch who you have kids with .... Baby look like the leprechaun. I swear I'll cry everyday ." Thankfully Mariah is too young to read the awful comments herself, but her mother took to the airwaves to shame the people who would rag on an innocent little girl.
Alex From Target
The vast swarm of horny teenage girls that post obsessively to Twitter have created a meme culture of their very own, centered around fan art and cute boys. In 2014, that vortex sucked up a teenage boy from Frisco, Texas, named Alex Lee, and changed his life forever. When a photo of Lee bagging merchandise in his part-time job somehow went viral, it made "Alex from Target" an instant celebrity, for better or worse. With fame comes haters, and Alex's were especially brutal. Anonymous hordes sent death threats, harassed his girlfriend and even leaked his parents' Social Security numbers and bank information.
Epic Boobs Girl
As a man, it's difficult for me to see the insult in somebody telling you that your boobs are "epic." But I don't live as a woman and I'm not subject to the sexualization of my body, so take it with a grain of salt. When a young woman named Alix Bromley posted some images of herself to social network Bebo, one in particular captured the world's attention. Depicting a friend peering into Bromley's ample decolletage, it was soon captioned with the phrase "Epic Boobs" and spread far and wide. When lad mag Loaded printed them along with an offer of $750 to find her and persuade her to pose for them, she filed suit for breach of privacy. The lawsuit failed, and a few years later she came around to Internet fame and put out some new shots for her fans.
Star Wars Kid
One of the earliest video memes the Internet ever saw, the footage of 15-year-old Ghislain Raza whooshing a golf ball remover around like a lightsaber, spread like wildfire when his classmates uploaded it in 2003. Raza had never intended it to be public, but the goofy spectacle quickly became the talk of the Web. Teenagers aren't known for their ability to take mockery well, and Raza was swiftly driven into deep depression at the deluge of negative comments both on the Internet and in real life. The sensitive teen withdrew from school and was admitted to a children's psychiatric ward under extreme stress. Eventually he was able to get his life back, in part due to suing the families of the four kids responsible for stealing his video and making it public.
The Internet is cruel. There's no way to deny that. But sometimes it can outdo itself. Adam Holland is a young man with Down Syndrome who lives in Nashville. In 2004, he was photographed at Vanderbilt University proudly displaying a picture he'd drawn in art class. Pretty innocent, right? It was, until a Tampa radio station Photoshopped the image with the caption "Retarded News." The image went viral, with tons of equally insulting modifications, until it finally made its way back to Holland's family. Needless to say, they weren't pleased at the abuse their son was getting and filed a suit against the radio station as well as a meme generator website that used the image.
When the original "Damn, Daniel" video swept Twitter it seemed like unlikely meme material -- a bunch of short clips of a handsome high school kid accompanied by over-the-top narration. But something about it captured the zeitgeist, and the video by Josh Holz was shared millions of times. The two kids got some good stuff out of it -- white Vans for life, for one -- but as the meme got scary big, bad people got involved. In February, unknown parties contacted the Riverside Police Department and reported a shooting situation at Holz's house, causing a SWAT raid that thankfully didn't get anyone killed. Holz's Twitter account was also hacked, deleting the video and replacing it with a bunch of racist images. He seems to have bounced back, but it's a good illustration of how scary life in the public eye can be.
If at first you don't succeed, just steal it.
Nicholas Jackson showed up to the Pompano Beach dealership hoping to buy a $60,000 BMW SUV. The only slight problem was that he didn't have any money, just an Electronic Benefits Transfer card, which obviously wasn't going to help him in driving that car home.
When the 36-year-old was turned away, he took the night to plan his next move, and came back the next day to steal the car that he so desperately wanted.
Jackson was able to get 70 miles away from the dealership with the car and 60 stolen keys, but he was caught when the car ran out of gas, because the man planned grand theft auto but he didn't plan a gas stop. Brilliant.
Jackson was charged with grand theft auto and is being held on $20,000 bond.
Via NY Daily News
This also didn't go as planned: Florida Man Tries To Steal Oxy, Gets Ass Kicked By Professional Boxer Instead
If you look up "roid rage" in the dictionary, you'll find a picture of the Big Bad Booty Daddy. Former collegiate wrestler turned international superstar, Scott Steiner tore a path through all of the major promotions alongside his brother Rick. His antics outside of the ring were almost as violent, and we'll share two of his most notorious incidents here. In 1998, Steiner wanted to drive off of a closed exit ramp on Interstate 575, and when a state employee tried to stop him, the wrestler rammed him twice with his truck. He was arrested and charged with aggravated assault and making terrorist threats, and swiftly found guilty. A few decades later, Steiner allegedly made death threats against Hulk Hogan so believable that the WWE provided security working their annual Hall of Fame event with his picture and told them to under no circumstances let him in the building.
Never seen without his trademark boom box, Buck "Rock & Roll" Zumhofe was a steady hand for the American Wrestling Association in the early 1980s. But his career took an unexpected detour in 1986 when he got sent to the pokey for fourth-degree sexual misconduct with a minor. Upon his release in 1988, he went back to the ring, and worked as a WWE jobber (notably being the first person to face current world champ Triple H in the promotion). But Zumhofe couldn't keep his dinger clean, and in 2012 a female relative went to the authorities with allegations that Rock & Roll had been sexually molesting her for years. He was given over 25 years in prison, which was confounded by an embarrassing attempt to escape from custody during the trial.
Wrestlers work hard and they play hard -- sometimes too hard. Mexican superstar Juventud Guerrera was notorious for his high flying in the ring, but all those flips scrambled his brain. In 2000, Guerrera was touring Australia with WCW and decided to unwind after the show by smoking a little PCP, as you do. The mind-addling drug convinced Juvi that it'd be a good idea to strip down naked in the hotel lobby and start throwing chairs around. It took six Aussie police officers armed with pepper spray to get Guerrera under control, and several bystanders were affected by the toxic cloud. He was later fined and released from his WCW contract.
Dirty Dick Slater
With a career that started in 1972, Dick Slater has seen more angles of the wrestling business than just about anybody. The Florida-born grappler played a bad guy for most of his life, clashing with big names like Ric Flair and Jake "The Snake" Roberts. A back injury forced him into retirement in 1996. Dirty Dick wasn't quite finished with his dirty ways, though, and in 2003 he attacked his ex-girlfriend Theresa Halbert with a knife, stabbing her multiple times. Slater claims he was hopped up on morphine for his battered back at the time, but that didn't hold a lot of water in court and he was charged with aggravated battery and sentenced to house arrest and probation, as well as paying Halbert over $18,000 for medical expenses.
Wrestlers are well known for their physical strength, but Ken Patera was a step above the rest. The Olympic weightlifter was the first American to clean and jerk over 500 pounds, and held numerous titles before he turned his attention to fake fighting. In the ring, Patera was equally powerful, and with big muscles comes a big appetite. Cut to 1984, when Patera and Masa Saito were in Waukesha, Wisconsin. The duo went to a local McDonalds to get a meal, but it was already closed. Patera was so pissed that he hefted an enormous boulder and threw it through the front window of the restaurant. The duo fled, but when cops came to arrest them at their hotel a huge brawl broke out. Patera and Saito would both end up serving two years in prison over the fracas.
One of the greatest talkers of his era, Blackjack Mulligan (real name Robert Jack Windham) was a former football player who, outfitted with a fingerless black glove, administered the deadly Iron Claw submission to many of the WWE top babyfaces. After his retirement from the wrestling game in 1988, Windham needed a new way to make money, so he literally made money. Along with son Kendall (also a wrestler), Windham set up a counterfeiting business, and when the Secret Service busted them the next year they were in possession of $500,000 in fake $20 bills. Both Windhams served two years in the Federal pen, and Kendall returned to the ring in 1992.
For most of the pro wrestlers on this list, their run-ins with the law fall under "impulsive screw-ups." The case of Hardbody Harrison, however, is a little different. Harrison Norris Jr. was a jobber in WCW who sued the promotion in 2000 because he believed that the company wasn't giving him opportunities because of his race. The fact that he was pretty awful in the ring notwithstanding, he lost his case and left the business. And then the human trafficking began. Harrison would find young women on the street and promise to train them to be pro wrestlers. He'd take them home, keep them captive and pimp them out, taking a cut of the profits. In 2004, his scheme was busted and he got sentenced to life in prison.
We're trying to stick mostly with wrestlers who worked for the Big Two in this piece, but we had to bend the rules a little bit for the tragic tale of Nick Gage. Gage was a mainstay of New Jersey-based Combat Zone Wrestling, a promotion that reveled in hardcore violence. Over his career, Gage has competed in matches involving beds of nails, webs of barbed wire, panes of glass and other weapons of extreme mayhem. Needless to say, all that abuse leads to a serious painkiller habit, and in 2010 Gage decided to turn to crime to fund his addiction. In December of 2010, he walked into a Collingswood Bank and handed a note demanding money to the teller. Gage got away with $3000 and did nearly five years in prison. Once he got out, Gage went right back to CZW to destroy his body some more.
Having a rep as a tough guy is an asset in the locker room, but Canadian muscleman Ion Croitoru, who worked as "Bruiser Bedlam," took it to a whole 'nother level. Bedlam worked for the Stampede Wrestling promotion owned by the legendary Hart Family before coming to America and working for the WWE as "Johnny K-9," where he lost matches to Hulk Hogan and Tito Santana. But when he wasn't in the ring, Croitoru was well known to law enforcement as a member of violent biker gang Satan's Choice, who ruled Montreal in the '70s and '80s. Bruiser was busted for multiple offenses, including assault and cocaine trafficking, but probably his biggest crime was planting a bomb in the Sudbury, Ontario, police station that caused massive damage. He's currently in prison for conspiracy to commit murder.
Billy Joe Travis
These stories have, so far, all taken place outside of the ring. Let's change that. Billy Joe Travis was a 1980s wrestler who worked for the CWA and the USWA -- two small-scale competitors to the WWE. The cocky heel never made it to the big leagues, and one reason may be a bizarre moment in 1996 when he was arrested on live television! Travis was deeply in arrears on child support, and his ex told Memphis police that he'd be doing a TV taping one Friday. The cops showed up and promoter Jerry Lawler amazingly convinced them to let him film the arrest, which he then used for a storyline on the show! Travis had no idea (and Lawler didn't warn him), so when the cops came and took him out in handcuffs in front of the cameras he was understandably upset.
We've all been there. In a hurry, stressed out, thinking about all the shit you have to do once you get to your job or wherever it is you are going, and you're stuck behind some asshole driving 15 mph below the speed limit. And you can't pass. When this happens, your angry thoughts tend to go from 0-60 very quickly, and it usually goes something like this.
Related: A Typical Man's Thoughts While Driving To Work vs. Driving Home
If your daily pervy searches haven't landed you on the name Hailey Clauson yet, don't worry, because as usual we have the boobs and girls on the beach showing their goods market covered. So, let's talk about Hailey topless.
The 21-year-old fashion model teamed up with Sports Illustrated for a photo shoot in Turks and Caicos. And since her choice of attire was a mesh coverup and bikini bottoms, her breasts were exposed. We're OK with it, but even SI admitted they were a tad too hot for their Swimsuit app.
Check out the topless pictures below:
For those upset at those stars covering her goods, feel free to type "boobs" into any porn search engine. It works wonders; I would know.
Hailey also offered up some side boob in a picture on her Instagram:
And here's some more of that sideboob:
Let's just end it on this gem:
Still reminiscing over what happened this week, thank you everyone from @si_swimsuit @sportsillustrated that has made my dreams come true. Every single person has been so much fun to get know and work with over the past year. And thank you to all the amazing women in this issue who have inspired me and been so supportive. Love all of you!
Actually, let's leave you with this:
Speaking of topless: Chrissy Teigen Goes Topless For Sports Illustrated
You'd think that a mask made to resemble an iconic children's literature character wouldn't look like something that would give you nightmares, but this particular Winnie the Pooh mask is doing exactly that. This story comes to us from Japan, where people are showing everyone just how creepy it is.
Check out what occurred on Twitter when these deformed Winnie the Pooh masks hit Japan:
プーさんパックの破壊力やばい pic.twitter.com/86eGstCmlT— 愛美 (@9manami4) March 21, 2016
ねぇーのパック姿— まなみ (@manaaaaaniii) March 14, 2016
アイドルはプーさんのパックつけても普通に可愛かった件 pic.twitter.com/g9RMs6TzxA— シマブクロ (@yugo6_6) March 9, 2016
パックする前— パンナコッタ(*'(OO)'*)ﾌﾞﾋ (@pannadakedo) March 18, 2016
プーさんパックの様子w— 角谷有美 (@chandu0yumi) March 20, 2016
プーさんフェイスパックの気持ち悪さは異常 pic.twitter.com/0DGQmF7fLJ— 朝鳥@花粉症(☝◉ਊ ◉)☝ｳｨｨｨｨｨ (@888so9) March 16, 2016
プーさんフェイスパックの破壊力。 pic.twitter.com/V918Uli1BD— ☞ C H ♡ R U ☜ (@kyuusanfamily) March 9, 2016
Where have we seen this mask before?
Oh, that's right.
Add this mask here: A Celebration of Horror Movie Masks
How do you wish your friend a happy birthday? Give them a shout-out on Facebook? Buy them a birthday card from Dollar Tree like I do because I'm a frugal jerk. Mumble "happy birthday" to them as you walk by at work? Well, Chelsea Handler sure knows how to wish a happy birthday to someone: just go nude.
Reese Witherspoon is turning 40 years old today, and Chelsea thought she would get in her birthday suit in order to send Reese some birthday wishes. Check out the photo that Handler posted on her Instagram:
What a friend.
She's no stranger to showing off her girls: Chelsea Handler Keeps Posting Photos Of Her Boobs On Instagram