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    If you only know one thing about Nicki Minaj it is that she has a great behind. But wouldn't you know it, Minaj also has a good front end, and she made sure to remind us in her most recent Instagram post.

    Adding the caption "Congratulations" for some reason, Minaj poses in front of a mirror in order to get a good shot of her boobs. I'm going to assume she's congratulating herself on her goods. Take a look at the photo below thanks to her Instagram:

    Congratulations

    A photo posted by Nicki Minaj (@nickiminaj) on


    Best wishes, Nicki. Best wishes.

    Uh, security: These Creeps Are Enjoying Nicki Minaj's Wax Figure A Tad Too Much

     

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    Somehow, Taylor Swift convinced all of us that we should care about her inner circle of friends. She parades around her celebrity pals and created #SquadGoals for everyone that made fun of you in high school. But what if I told you there are other members of her squad that she hides from the public? Well here they are. They're finally being revealed and it's going to change everything you thought about T-Swizzle.

    1. Nelly Furtado
    taylor swift squad members, taylor swift's secret squad, taylor swift squad funny
    Remember her? She was all over the pop music scene and then one day just seemed to vanish. Some believe she left to focus on her family, but actually she was asked to join Taylor's squad. Her role is to remain out of music and not do anything that might upset Taylor. She's the only member of the squad that's paid to be a part of it. She also has very little interaction with everyone else in the squad. Basically she's being paid to stay out of sight. (Photo credit: Wikimedia Commons/Tabercil)


    2. "Lesser Taylor"
    taylor swift squad members, taylor swift's secret squad, taylor swift squad funny
    While we don't know her real name, there is a member of Swift's squad simply known as "Lesser Taylor." She looks very similar to Taylor, but just a little less pretty, funny and likable. Taylor keeps her around and, if she's dating someone, she tests them to see if they can tell the difference. If they can't, the relationship ends. That's why so many of her relationships haven't worked. It's because "Lesser Taylor" keeps doing her job and doing it well.


    3. Captain Jack Sparrow
    taylor swift squad members, taylor swift's secret squad, taylor swift squad funny
    You read that right. Apparently she didn't realize Johnny Depp was just playing a character in "Pirates of the Caribbean," so when she saw the movie, she assumed it was some sort of oceanic documentary. Now she insists that Captain Jack accompany her on flights, but it's never actually been Johnny Depp. Her management just takes turns dressing up as Sparrow and doing subpar impressions. One time they just put a Jack Sparrow mask on a broom handle and she chatted with it for an entire flight.


    4. Bray Wyatt
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    Few people know that Taylor Swift has a connection to professional wrestling. She's been a fan for years since she was flipping through the channels one night and saw a match between Bray Wyatt and CM Punk in 2013. She said she felt an immediate spiritual connection with Wyatt and she immediately reached out to him. While the relationship has never been romantic, it is rumored that the duo rented a cabin in Colorado for two weeks and co-wrote Swift's hit album, 1989.


    5. Skeet Ulrich
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    No one knows how they met, but the '90s movie star is very close friends with Taylor Swift. She does, however, always refer to him as Neve Campbell, so there's a good chance she watched "Scream" and just got the names of the actors confused.


    6. Ibrahim Salih Mohammed Al-Yacoub
    taylor swift squad members, taylor swift's secret squad, taylor swift squad funny
    Sure he's a fashion icon, but it is odd that Swift would want to associate with him considering he's #2 on the FBI's Most Wanted list. He's wanted for conspiracies to kill U.S. nationals, use weapons of mass destruction and murder, but according to Swift, that's just because the FBI is "a bunch of jealous haters." Some might think she would turn him in, since there's a $5 million reward, but she's said countless times that you can't put a price on friendship. (Photo credit: FBI)


    7. Ben Stiller
    taylor swift squad members, taylor swift's secret squad, taylor swift squad funny
    Just about everyone loves Ben Stiller, but Swift was quick to make him part of her squad when she found out he has the power to make museums come to life. He keeps trying to tell her it's just a movie, but she always responds sincerely saying she knows he can't really do it, but it's always followed with a wink. This is why she always requests a plus one when taking private museum tours. She takes Stiller along and just keeps waiting for her wish to come true.


    8. Katt Williams
    taylor swift squad members, taylor swift's secret squad, taylor swift squad funny
    Swift has been very close with Williams since she met him back in 2009. Close friends have encouraged her to cut ties with him after his multiple run-ins with the law and absolutely abysmal press, but she keeps responding with, "But he's just a kid!" On more than one occasion they've heard her say, "What'chu talkin' 'bout, Willis?" to him and then laugh hysterically. It seems as though she thinks he's 1983 Gary Coleman. They don't look alike and, we all know Gary Coleman has passed away now, but she insists it's the same person. What can you do, you know?


    9. Tommy Lasorda
    taylor swift squad members, taylor swift's secret squad, taylor swift squad funny
    Lots of people didn't even know the former Dodgers manager was still alive, let alone a member of Taylor Swift's squad. He has designed the concept for most of her albums' artwork and encouraged her to end her relationship with Joe Jonas. (Photo credit: Twitter)


    10. You
    finger pointing at you
    That's right, you might not realize it, but you're part of her squad. We're all part of her squad. There's no escaping it. Remember on "The Matrix" when Agent Smith defied the system and started replicating until the virtual earth was destroyed? That's what is happening with Swift. She is everywhere. She is in all of us. And soon, she will rise and take her throne. Don't waste your time fighting it. She warned us with "You Belong With Me," but we didn't listen. Enjoy your days, because you only have them if Taylor Swift allows you to have them.

     

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    Sure, the majority of the time we watch porn we will simply skim through the clips in order to find what we're looking for. However, because of that we may miss out on incredible intros and acting -- acting so good that it can only be seen in the adult entertainment industry.

    For a good example of that, take a look at the SFW porn clip featuring none other than Lisa Ann:


    The delivery of, "I think I should stay and I think we should have sex," is flawless.

    Hey, it's possible: Porn Logic Is Hilariously Inaccurate And That's Why It's Perfect

     

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    Some are saying this video comes to us from Serbia, as that is where Jelen Pivo is brewed these days. Others are suggesting that it comes from the attempted thief's workplace in either Mexico or Brazil.

    Well, wherever they're making beer vending machines, I'm going. Although once I get there, I'll probably go the old-fashioned route and pay for my brewski one at a time because here's what happens when you get greedy and try to swipe all them for free:


    We're unsure what this guy's motive and perceived end result was here. Not having tasted a Jelen Pivo out of a vending machine myself, maybe it's a lot like a can of Red Dog where you tell yourself the only way you're drinking this shit is if it's free.

    Or maybe the dude hit absolute rock bottom and couldn't afford to pay for a single beer. I mean, given his thought process of getting that free beer by pulling a vending machine down onto himself, it wouldn't be hard to see how he got to that point.

    h/t World Star Hip Hop

    This guy also sucks at stealing beer: Georgia Man With Last Name 'Miller' Steals Beer Truck, Gets Run Over By Beer Truck

     

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    Eugena Washington is a strong woman, and she's looking for an even stronger man. If you had high hopes of getting in her good graces, you'll take Eugena's five tips on how to date her. We'll give you a hint: Taking repeated selfies in public isn't one of them. Check out this Playboy clip and learn how you can get your life together, be a little old-fashioned and eventually date Eugena Washington, 2016 Playmate of the Year. Because it's just that easy to date a supermodel! Then add and follow her on Instagram @eugenawashington.

     

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    I guess uncooked meatballs at Domino's Pizza look a lot like balls.

    According to Metro, a prankster going by the name of Ponce in the UK recently ordered a Pepperoni Passion pizza from his local Domino's Pizza, had his buddy put part of his testicles on the pie, snapped a photo of it and then tweeted @Dominos_UK that he was "fuming" because there was an "uncooked meatball" on his pizza.

    Even crazier than all of that? You guessed it: They actually apologized for it.

    Man puts his balls on Domino's Pizza and they apologize for it
    The nut belonged to Ponce's friend Steve, who now has the satisfaction of knowing that more than one million people saw his nard:


    It's also worth noting that the comedy didn't end with Ponce taking a picture of one of his buddy's plums on their pie, as he also let Domino's know that "whoever cooked this deserves the sack."

    You see, it's funny because his pal's nutsack was on the pizza and another way to say somebody should get fired is to say you should sack them. Hysterical.

    This pie must have looked delicious: Dude Claims He Burned His Penis Making Love To Domino's Pizza

     

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    We often forget just how dangerous a stripper's job can be when she's hanging upside down on the pole, and that's usually because our eyes and minds are really homed in on her jugs.

    But this poor girl who was either taking a pole dancing class or warming up for amateur night is lucky to be alive, much less able to still have functioning appendages, after she recently fell headfirst off an extremely tall stripper pole.


    You've got to love how quickly she put everybody's worries to rest by immediately saying that she was OK before she realized she hadn't checked to make sure everything was still in the right place yet.

    And we're not sure what stripper concussion protocol is these days, but you have to think taking a few days off before giving it another go would be wise, along with purchasing some kind of insurance.

    h/t BroBible

    This guy is not OK: Guess What Happens When This Idiot Tries To Look Cool Next To An Oncoming Train

     

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    Backed by such high demand (we would've done this if nobody cared, though), we have the much-sought-after dirty Snapchat accounts of the hottest adult actresses in the business. From now on, when your friend (or creepy uncle) tries to send you a hot photo of a girl they found, you can simply direct them to this page. All you have to do is add them on Snapchat, follow them on Snapchat and lose complete touch with reality via your cellphone. Who says heaven isn't a place on Earth?

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  • 05/25/16--04:07: Today's Funny Photos
  • I bet you all are expecting me to make some sort of juvenile joke about the lady below, especially since today is hump day. Well, I hate to break it to you, but I have standards. Sure, I can be pretty cheeky, but I'll be damned if I'm going to be caught with my pants down over this. Does anyone else feel a draft?

    if the pants don't fit, funny photos, funny pics

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    Did you see yesterday's Funny Photos, too?

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    Heads up! There are always more Funny Photos on Mandatory.

     

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    Let's face it: work sucks. Sure, it's the most dependable way to earn a living, but spending 40 hours a week doing something you don't want to do should be a crime. That's one reason why people turn to gambling, especially big bets: so they never have to work again. Unfortunately, most of those big bets come with really long odds that are unlikely to ever pay off. Reading an article about a bunch of people who lost money gambling would be pretty depressing, though, so let's keep it positive. Here are 10 people who bet it all on a long shot and actually did get rich.

    Jona Rechnitz
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    The trick to playing a long-shot bet is coming up with an event that would be feasible, but not likely. Jona Rechnitz thought he had just the thing when he put down $1,000 on the first score of the 2012 Super Bowl being from a safety. Considering that in every previous Super Bowl to date, only six safeties had been called at all, this was a pretty long bet and he got tasty 50-1 odds on it. Needless to say, Tom Brady grounded it in his end zone, the Giants got the safety and Jona made $50,000. Insanely enough, he would do it again two years later and win $25,000 on the same bet! I guess when they say "safety first" they mean business. Sorry for that joke. Sorry. I'm trying to delete it.

    Dean Clay
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    People who make long-shot bets typically don't make just one. In the case of Dean Clay, he had a routine of putting two pounds down on a 14-pick "accumulator" bet every week. These bets require each and every choice to be correct to pay out anything, but when they do it's a lot of money. In February of 2015, Clay had been having a particularly awful week with the death of his beloved grandmother, but things got a little better when, finally, his accumulator hit on all cylinders. The end result of that two pound investment was a staggering £92,944 -- $134,587 in U.S. dollars.

    2013 Bayern Munich Bet
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    The identity of this soccer gambler has never been released to the public, which is probably a good idea because people would cut off parts of his body to use as lucky charms. In 2000, he placed a 30p bet (about fifty cents) on the winners of the five top English leagues and the three smaller Scottish ones for the upcoming soccer, rugby and cricket seasons. The odds for this are something like 1,666,666 to one. But when Bayern Munich took home the Champions League the next year, the lucky punter was a staggering 500,000 pounds richer. That's a staggering payout for such a tiny bet.

    Gerry McIlroy
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    Now this is a pretty crazy story, because it involves a father betting on his own son. In 2004, Rory McIlroy hadn't even started his professional golf career yet -- he was a talented amateur, 15 years old. But his dad, Gerry, had a feeling, and he put down 200 pounds with British bookie Ladbrokes that Rory would win the British Open within the decade. These bets aren't uncommon, but Ladbrokes takes them because they almost never pay off. In 2014, though, they had to open up the bank vaults when McIlroy took home the trophy, netting his proud father a cool $171,000.

    Fred Craggs
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    Horse racing is a pretty good way to multiply your money, but to really rake it in you need to hit some pretty serious odds. In 2008, North Yorkshire man Fred Craggs placed a 50p bet (that's about a dollar in American cash) in what's called an "accumulator," where you have to accurately predict the finishes of all eight horses in a race. The odds of doing this are astronomical, but the fates were smiling on Craggs that day. From first-place Isn't That Lucky to last-place A Dream Come True, all eight of his picks were correct and he turned his 50p into a million pounds. Even better, Craggs found out he'd won the cash on his 60th birthday.

    Cardinals World Series Win
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    Several of the people on this list are going to go unnamed, because they probably don't want long-forgotten relatives showing up to borrow money. In September 2011, the St. Louis Cardinals looked like they had no hope of winning the playoffs -- they were five games away from even grabbing the wildcard slot. But one loyal fan put his money where his mouth was, betting $250 that the team would not only get into the playoffs, but win the World Series. The rest is history -- the Cards made one of the best comebacks in baseball, eventually beating the Texas Rangers in seven games. The payoff for that long bet, at 999-1 odds, was a cool $249,750.

    Darren Yates
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    Here's another horse racing success story, but this one features both a better and a jockey having incredible luck at the same time. In 1996, Frankie Dettori was riding in the Royal Ascot, the Kentucky Derby of England. He was set to jockey in seven races that day, and across the nation thousands of his fans were cheering for them. One, workman Darren Yates, thought he could win all seven of them and put down money on each, plus an added "accumulator" even though his wife had forbidden him from gambling. Horse race fans know the rest -- Dettori made history that day, and Yates turned his £69.76 bet into 500,000 British pounds, or nearly a million bucks.

    Peter Edwards
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    So Gerry McIlroy bet on his son Rory's pro golfing success when he was a teenager. Peter Edwards took this long-shot concept even further -- he put 50 pounds down on his grandson becoming a pro soccer player when the boy was just a toddler! Bookmaker William Hill took the wager in 2000 to pay out at 2,500 to 1 odds, and regretted it 13 years later when young Harry Wilson took the field for Wales in his first professional game. Wilson would go on to be the youngest player to represent Wales in World Cup qualifying action as well, and his proud grandfather took home £125,000 -- almost a quarter of a million dollars.

    Saratoga Springs Superfecta
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    What would you do if you could turn a dime into a year's salary? That's what two incredibly lucky people did in August 2008 when a superfecta bet in the seventh race at Saratoga Springs paid off with ridiculously long odds. Two bettors -- one in Arizona and one in Kentucky -- went against the predictions and picked Slambino, Blazing Dynamo, Key Event and Holiday Trip to take the first four spots. They did, and each of the gamblers turned that one thin dime into an insane $76,000. That's the miracle of the racetrack right there.

    Patricia Demauro
    10 People Who Got Rich On A Long Shot
    Some long shots are one-and-done things, but Patricia Demauro's insane Atlantic City craps run is a little harder to fathom. The New Jersey grandma sat down at the table at the Borgata and set a world record by rolling 154 times without ever hitting a seven. The odds on that? 1 in 1.56 trillion. Demauro bought in with a hundred bucks, and by the end of her four hour dice-rolling rampage had turned it into an unspecified amount of money (she declined to say exactly how much) that was north of $100,000 and could have been millions. Astoundingly enough, it was only her second time shooting craps. Beginner's luck is a real thing.

     

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    When's the last time you only spent five minutes inside a Target? It doesn't happen. It never happens. Target pulls you in and holds onto you for as long as it possibly can. It's like the "Hotel California." But what does an average trip to Target really look like? This. This is exactly what happens every time you step foot into the store in 40 typical steps. God help us all.

    Every Trip To Target Pretty Much Goes Like This
    1. I arrive at Target. The only things I need are a bottle of soda and trash bags.

    2. A basket is too small, but a cart is too big and I definitely don't want one of those stupid like half carts that look like an old man's walker.

    3. The carts are stuck. Let me fight around with these things like a psychopath trying to pry them apart.

    4. Might as well look at the $1 section since it's right here.

    5. I could use an extra spatula, right? It's only $1.

    6. And I could always use a bag of water balloons, right?

    7. And these disposable fondue skewers? In the cart, you go!

    Every Trip To Target Pretty Much Goes Like This
    8. Wait, what am I doing? Why am I buying fondue skewers? Focus. Focus!

    9. Trash bags. I need trash bags. They're probably near the...hmm. Near the trash cans, I guess?

    10. Wait, where are the trash cans?

    11. I ask an employee where the trash cans are.

    12. Whoops, that's not an employee. It's just a man wearing a red shirt.

    Every Trip To Target Pretty Much Goes Like This
    13. Why are there never any employees around when you actually have a question?

    14. Oh! Here are the trash cans. Wait, why am I buying a trash can?

    15. Guess I might as well look at the TVs while I'm here.

    16. That's a great deal on a new TV. Should I get a new TV?

    17. Now there's a TV in my cart as well as a trash can.

    Every Trip To Target Pretty Much Goes Like This
    18. Wow, there's Halloween candy here that's 95 percent off! Sure it was more than eight months ago, but I can't pass that up those savings.

    19. How did I get in the sporting goods section and why am I buying multiple fishing poles?

    20. I need to leave now. I'll just grab the sodas and go.

    21. There are 850 different types of soda.

    22. Whatever. I'm getting Sprite. Just a 2-liter of Sprite, a TV, a garbage can, two fishing poles, a futon, Halloween candy and these five fleece blankets.

    23. How is there even more stuff in my cart now? Is it reproducing? Did I black out?

    24. Finally made it to the checkout. Just pay and get out of here, Rob.

    Every Trip To Target Pretty Much Goes Like This
    25. Both of the lines are even. I'll go with the...one on the left!

    26. Dammit, the line on the right is moving incredibly fast.

    27. The person in front of me is paying with a check.

    28. The other person in front of me is paying in unrolled coins.

    29. Finally, it's my turn!

    30. No, I don't want to sign up for a credit card. I never want to sign up for a credit card. I just have two items anyway!

    Every Trip To Target Pretty Much Goes Like This
    31. Oh wait, I have 46 items.

    32. Whatever. I'll use all this stuff. I just need to get out of here.

    33. I arrive back at home.

    34. As I unload all the things I just bought, I go to throw away the boxes and trash.

    35. Realize I forgot trash bags -- one of the two things I went to get.

    36. Just use the Target bags as trash bags.

    Every Trip To Target Pretty Much Goes Like This
    37. From now on I'm only using Target.com and never leaving the house to shop again.

    38. They have the trash bags I prefer.

    39. They're in-store pickup only.

    40. Realize life is meaningless and nothing we do matters.

    So that engine is making weird noises? A Typical Trip To The Mechanic

     

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    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex

    You've yelled and cried on the phone, you've deleted all the pictures, you've burned all the clothes. You're officially done with your ex and you don't expect to run into them ever again. But since life likes to screw with us from time to time, you will run into them again. Here are the worst places to run into your ex.

    10. On a Date
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    You felt good taking your date to Chipotle, but that awfulness you feel in your stomach isn't because of that burrito you just stuffed your face with, it's because a few tables away your ex is also on a date. Damn you, Chipotle, and your now ebola-free (I think) inviting food.

    9. At the Movies
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    The scariest thing about this movie is running into your ex in a dark room. At least your ex can't see you working those peripherals. Thanks, low-lighting. And shout-out to those over the top Michael Bay action scenes that are currently drowning out your explicit muttering.

    8. At the Gym
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    A little part of you wants to get all fit, so if you ever do run into your ex again you can show them what they are missing. The only problem is that you ran into them at the starting phase of your "go fuck yourself, I'm hot now" journey. Now all they see is the sad sack they dumped. Thanks for nothing, gym membership I will now use to open locked doors.

    7. At a Concert
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    How the hell are you supposed to enjoy the sounds of Bey now that your enemy will be dancing along to her tunes as well? OK, singing along to Beyonce was your "thing," when you were a couple, but now your ex should have retired that thing so you could enjoy it all alone without interference. No "Drunk in Love," Queen B. Just drunk.

    6. An Elevator
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    Since you don't care about getting fit now, taking the stairs is out of the question, so it's back to your good friend, the elevator. And what's more terrible than getting stuck in an elevator? Running into your ex in one. Now you're in a tiny space filled with awkwardness and resentment.

    5. A Plane​
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    Forget about running into them in an elevator, how about while you're 28,000 feet in the air? Hell, you would sit in the middle seat on a 18-hour flight rather than have to share the same sky with your ex. You can't even confidently ask for another bag of peanuts because they will probably overhear you and roll their eyes, as they confirm the fact that you're still a gluttonous bastard.

    4. On Vacation
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    All you wanted to do was get away from the person that you have an inkling runs hell part-time. And what occurs? You see that terrible piece of your past sunbathing near you. How dare your ex steal your sun. That's your sun, your sandy beaches and your vacation.

    3. A Funeral
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    Of course you had to share the same friends, now one of them is more dead then your love is, and you have to see them again. You can't even focus on this montage featuring "Everybody Hurts" because you're distracted by your ex's fake tears. That's right, squeeze out more of those same fake tears you cried for me, you creature from the black lagoon, you.

    2. At a Job Interview
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    No, your ex won't end up interviewing you like a sassy Anne Hathaway movie you'll see on a flight. They will just be in the same waiting lobby. Nothing like an awkward silence to kill those job interview nerves.

    1. Your Wedding
    Ranking The Worst Places To Run Into Your Ex
    The one place you never want to run into your ex is your own damn wedding. Of course no one invited your ex, but they showed up anyway because it's the final hurdle in this game. Now they are sitting at the random people table eyeing you down, as you wonder if the cake your scarfing down is filled with poison, or even worse...fruit!

     

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    Man, the power of social media is real, and Stephen Bieber (no relation to the one you dislike) knows more about that than anyone.

    Stephen is a big fan of Washington Redskin's cheerleader Christa Taylor Aiken, so he thought he would reach out to her on her Instagram and asks her if 10,000 retweets on Twitter would be enough for her to go to prom with him. And she agreed.


    Now while Stephen is sporting under 400 followers (now a tad over) on his Twitter, he still managed to get the necessary amount of retweets in order to take Christa to his prom. And Stephen has the pictures to prove it. Check them out below thanks to his Twitter:




    And even Christa chimed in with her own pictures on her Twitter:


    Let this be a lesson to all you kids: forget hard work. Twitter is the way to go to accomplish your goals. And hey, this is what "hard work" won Stephen:

    Remember when my hair was healthy for that split second ❔ #blondehairproblems 🙆🏼

    A photo posted by Christa (@dcfitchick) on


    I like this dresser 🌴

    A photo posted by Christa (@dcfitchick) on



    h/t The LAD Bible

    Or you can bring a porn star: Tennessee Frat Bro Brings Porn Star To Parents' Weekend Formal

     

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    Losing weight is clearly not easy, so regardless of the number of pounds someone sheds you have to give them kudos for that. And one New Zealand woman deserves a lot of credit after losing over 200 pounds.

    Week 88 Update From 169kg (372 pounds) to 77kg (169 pounds) - a total loss of 92kg (202 pounds) - I'm 181cm tall (5"11). For the who are seeing my journey for the first time this is over the course of just over one year and eight months, I began my journey on August 29th 2014 then had Gastric Sleeve Surgery on October 29th 2014 - I have completely changed my lifestyle, diet and exercise. I am thirty three weeks post opp abdominoplasty, bra line backlift, breast lift & augmentation by @drrepta_plasticsurgery (so basically most of my lose skin has been removed apart from that on my upper thighs and bottom). For those that will ask sports bra is from @hardyfitnessandfashion pants & shoes are @nikewomen To find out more indepth infornation on my journey and tips head to www.journeytohealth.co.nz

    A photo posted by Journey To Health (@simone_anderson) on


    Simone Anderson, now 25 years old, began her weight loss journey when she was 23, and started off at 372 pounds. Today she sits at about 169 pounds. Simone began losing weight after she underwent gastric sleeve surgery, as a healthier lifestyle followed. Simone decided to share her journey with everyone as a way to make herself more accountable.

    "I made an account and I pressed publish after four or five days of crying -- but the minute I pressed publish it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off my shoulders," Simone tells BBC Newsbeat. "I knew this time there was no turning back."

    Week 88 Update From 169kg (372 pounds) to 77kg (169 pounds) - a total loss of 92kg (202 pounds) - I'm 181cm tall (5"11). For the who are seeing my journey for the first time this is over the course of just over one year and eight months, I began my journey on August 29th 2014 then had Gastric Sleeve Surgery on October 29th 2014 - I have completely changed my lifestyle, diet and exercise. I am thirty three weeks post opp abdominoplasty, bra line backlift, breast lift & augmentation by @drrepta_plasticsurgery (so basically most of my lose skin has been removed apart from that on my upper thighs and bottom). For those that will ask sports bra is from @hardyfitnessandfashion pants & shoes are @nikewomen To find out more indepth infornation on my journey and tips head to www.journeytohealth.co.nz

    A photo posted by Journey To Health (@simone_anderson) on


    There were of course people who bashed Simone: "The worst comments I ever received were when people would accuse me of being a fake and a liar. It hurt me because I only ever tried to be as honest as possible," Simone reveals.

    "From day one I showed the good, the bad and the ugly of extreme weight loss. I exposed my skin, I showed every stretch mark, every little bit of sagging to the world."

    I can't even imagine doing all this hard work and staying consistent with my diet, so Simone deserves all the positive vibes she's gotten. Check out some more pictures of her thanks to her Instagram:

    I don't no why but every single comment that called me out for being fake and a liar really bothered me far more than it should. I think it's because it took hours of crying and debating whether to share my story online and for others to see, posting the first picture online along with my weight for the world to see what the hardest thing I have ever done. Throughout my whole journey I have tried to be so honest about the whole experience and tell people it exactly as it's happened so to be called a fake hurt a lot. And then when it came to posting about my lose skin well that was equally as tough. So here we go I hope this helps all the "non believers" - my face uncovered, yes my hair and eyebrows are a different colour as I'm going back to blonde, yes I have changed my phone from Samsung to apple and have moved house so the background has changed (it has been 11 months people, things change!), my skin colour varies in every single post as I get a spray tan once a week on a Thursday and often change the depth of the colour I get depending on what event I have that weekend, yes I have lose skin and stretch marks but I don't feel the need to show them in every single photo I post online, I have shared my excess skin picture before so if you had bothered to click on my page you would have seen it and as for my ears changing in appearance?! Well I can't see that haha so who the hell knows!!! Maybe weight changes ears lol. Hope this helps :D now lost 85.7 GO ME!

    A photo posted by Journey To Health (@simone_anderson) on





    Start your week right, you won't regret it!

    A photo posted by Journey To Health (@simone_anderson) on


    Now check some more weight loss journeys: 10 Insane Weight Loss Stories

     

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    When I'm bored, I like to see how far I can troll those around me before they realize I'm full of shit. This probably happens most frequently at parties. I feel like everyone around me has so many interesting and useful things to say, yet here I am asking for the fifth time, "So...you see the latest 'Walking Dead'?" It's pathetic. So I came up with some completely fake, yet totally believable-sounding facts to spew out at the next gathering (with a straight face if possible) to see how many people I can trick into thinking I'm way more interesting than I am. You should give them a try sometime, too. What's the worst that could happen?

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    Troll life: Guy Brings Hilarious Fake Book Covers On The Subway

     

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    If you're not safe on your toilet, where can you be safe?

    Atthaporn Boonmakchuay, a 38-year-old from Chachoengsao, was hanging and having a super awesome day in his home when the thing no one ever expects to happen actually occurred: a python from the depths of hell reached up from the toilet and bit his junk.


    Atthaporn screamed for his wife, all while losing tons of blood, as he finally got the snake off of his penis. He even managed to tie the snake to his bathroom door before eventually collapsing on the floor. Atthaporn is OK and in stable condition in the hospital.






    And for the snake? Well, an emergency crew was able to free the python from the toilet using hammers, and it was actually released back into the wild where it can live out its days thinking about the good old days biting stranger's penises.

    Check out video below of crew handling the snake:


    h/t Daily Mail
    (Pictures via Bangpakong News Facebook)

    You also have to worry about rats: Guy Finds Massive Rat Stuck In Hotel Toilet

     

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    An idiot in Chile wanted to show everyone just how big an idiot he was, so he stripped naked and jumped into a lion pit at Santiago's Metropolitan Zoo. Franco Ferrada taunted the lions, and thankfully was attacked by them for being a total asshole.

    Two Lions Shot Dead After Idiot 'Prophet' Jumps Into Lion Enclosure
    Unfortunately, two lions were shot dead because of the 20-year-old 's actions. Here's where the story gets strange. Ferrada had a note on him that said this: "The apocalypse has arrived, and I will know when it shall come. I am the prophet and I have returned for my people."


    Man, so after all this time of waiting a total dumbass returns for us.


    Witnesses also state that Ferrada referenced the story of Daniel, who was thrown to the lions but ultimately saved by God. The two lions were shot with live ammunition after attempts with a hose and a dart failed.

    Ferrada is currently recovering in a hospital but he has serious injuries to his face, skull, neck, shoulders and groin. Well-deserved.

    h/t The LAD Bible

    These guys survived, too: 10 Guys Who Survived Wild Animal Attacks

     

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    There have always been sexual innuendos thrown into kids' shows and movies throughout the years, and you can look back at cartoons to notice them if you're looking for that. Apparently, someone was looking for something like that in "Hey Arnold!" because they found it.

    Take a look at the "Hey Arnold!" scene below, and see if you can notice what looks like a dude going to town on a lady's booty across the street. Yep.


    Now many people have chimed in, with Bro Bible stating that it seems like the man is actually licking his plate clean, while the woman reacts in that way for some reason.

    Regardless, it's pretty baffling that animators didn't catch that. Or maybe they did but their minds weren't as much in the gutter as our minds are today.

    What do you think is happening?

    h/t Complex

    Not so innocent: 14 Cartoons Paused At Highly Inappropriate Moments

     

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    You never know what you're going to get at talent shows, especially at the high school level. Hell, when I was in high school, one dude jumped up on stage and brought the crowd to his feet when he did a backflip on a pogo stick. He was then followed by a girl who read one of her poems, and it was nothing short of pure garbage.

    Now on the surface, a water bottle flip at a high school talent competition might seem like it would fall into that pure garbage category, but as Mike Senatore at Ardrey Kell High School in Charlotte, NC, showed us last night, it is anything but:


    The flip heard 'round the world has made Senatore an instant legend both on campus and on the web, and it's well-deserved. I mean, the last time I heard a crowd lose its mind like that was in college when two girls at a party started making out with each other, which was awesome until I noticed that one of those girls was my sister.

    h/t Deadspin

    If your head hasn't already exploded, now it will: Watch This Genius Kid Solve A Rubik's Cube In Less Than Five Seconds

     

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    Parenting often calls for strict discipline. A few weeks ago, we offered life hacks for general assholes, but this time we're providing them strictly for those with kids. Here are some creative ways to strengthen your child's character while also getting some sort of sick, personal pleasure out of it.

    1. If your kid is addicted to picking their nose, tell them the boogeyman is actually the tooth fairy for boogers. Hence, the name. In the middle of the night, he comes to collect.
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    2. Play "Hoarders" on repeat if your child won't clean his room. Only the poop episodes, too. Duct tape their eyes open if needed.
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    3. Curb social media addiction by befriending them on Facebook. Tag them in compromising baby photos for maximum effect.
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    4. If your kid needs a timeout, take them back to the 18th century with a wooden horse in a dark room. Only a wooden horse; no Internet, Xbox or flat screen TV allowed. Wooden horse timeouts are surprisingly traumatic.
    life hacks for asshole parents, life hacks for a-hole parents, ted movie dance


    5. Remove their bedroom door.
    life hacks for asshole parents, life hacks for a-hole parents, door unhinged


    6. If your child cuts class, eat lunch with them and their friends for one full year. It will scar them, and in the future, they won't miss a day of work.
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    7. To stop your kid from throwing a tantrum in a supermarket over wanting candy, cave in and purchase the candy of their choice. After checkout, give the candy to another, well-behaved child.
    life hacks for asshole parents, life hacks for a-hole parents, child temper tantrum


    8. Don't spank them hard. Spank them soft. It's much creepier.
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    9. When your teenager inevitably fills your tequila bottle with water, fill their favorite beverage (or food) with tequila. Snack Packs doused in Jose Cuervo taste bad.
    life hacks for asshole parents, life hacks for a-hole parents, snack pack ad


    10. Create your own "We Will Get Along" shirt.
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    11. If your child is rolling on the ground and crying in public, roll on the ground and cry with them. Children are highly attuned to mockery at their expense, and when they see people pointing and laughing at them, they will stop.

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    12. For the problem child: Forge a certificate of adoption and fill in the blanks. Leave it ominously sticking out of an envelope. Your problem child won't be a problem anymore.
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    13. Your teenage son will inevitably fall into the Venus flytrap of Internet porn. It will distract him from schoolwork, and it will harm your home computer with malware. After finding the incriminating Internet history, write "Monkey Spanker" on a piece of paper and nail it to his door. The shame will work wonders.
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    14. If your kid hates school, drop them off at Home Depot to work with undocumented immigrants for a week.
    life hacks for asshole parents, life hacks for a-hole parents, sitting outside home depot


    15. To stop two brothers from fighting, make them hold hands. Tell them to sit on the couch together. Film it and post it to Facebook with the caption, "Love between brothers knows no bounds."
    life hacks for asshole parents, life hacks for a-hole parents, step brothers hug


    16. If you really want to go scorched earth, take away their device chargers. As the batteries die on each of their devices, they will become better. Battery life is inversely proportional to their love for you.
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    17. Re-create selfies to discourage selfies.
    life hacks for asshole parents, life hacks for a-hole parents, parents recreate selfies


    18. To encourage helpfulness around the house, buy 10 "Saw" dolls. Place one in the middle of their room while they sleep. Leave one at the bottom of the stairs in the morning. Place one inside their school desk. When they return home, shaking, put the remaining seven in various spots within their closet. Leave one with a note that says, "Do your chores."
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    19. Bust out the "Best Dad Ever" shirt when serious humiliation needs to be doled out.
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    20. If your daughter threatens to run away, calmly tell her you'll help her pack her things. Begin loading stuff in your car. She will reverse her decision and hug you.
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    21. Place Halloween candy on layaway until straight A's happen. Repeat every Halloween.
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    22. If you catch your kid in a lie, take them to the dog park and tell them to pick up every piece of dung in the vicinity. Make them offer their services to other dog owners. Halfway through, tell them you'll take them to the mall if they finish quickly. Three hours later, when they're done and excited about the mall, drive straight home. When they ask why they're not going to the mall, ask them, "How does it feel to be lied to?"
    life hacks for asshole parents, life hacks for a-hole parents, dogs run along fence

     

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