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- 06/20/16--14:45: _Arkansas Man Drops ...
- 06/21/16--04:04: _The 5 'Moe'st (And ...
- 06/21/16--05:04: _10 Old Lady Celebri...
- 06/21/16--05:50: _The Top 10 Fast Foo...
- 06/21/16--05:56: _Today's Funny Photos
- 06/21/16--05:58: _Watch Barney The Di...
- 06/21/16--06:20: _How To Have Sex On ...
- 06/21/16--06:50: _11 Reasons Why 'Ind...
- 06/21/16--07:08: _Sometimes In Austra...
- 06/21/16--07:27: _Ariel Winter (And H...
- 06/21/16--07:36: _13 Of The Strangest...
- 06/21/16--08:26: _Courtney Stodden Wi...
- 06/21/16--09:41: _Orlando Karate Teac...
- 06/21/16--09:58: _The Perfect Way To ...
- 06/21/16--10:41: _Bizzare, Disturbing...
- 06/21/16--12:17: _Look At The Crazy B...
- 06/21/16--12:43: _Super Cute Pirates ...
- 06/21/16--13:08: _Weird News: Florida...
- 06/21/16--14:29: _Sara Jean Underwood...
- 06/21/16--15:19: _I Can't Stop Starin...
- 06/21/16--04:04: The 5 'Moe'st (And Least) Spectacular Moe Episodes Of 'The Simpsons'
- 06/21/16--05:04: 10 Old Lady Celebrities You Didn't Know Used To Be Incredibly Sexy
- 06/21/16--05:50: The Top 10 Fast Food Guilty Pleasures
- 06/21/16--05:56: Today's Funny Photos
- 06/21/16--05:58: Watch Barney The Dinosaur Take On The Notorious B.I.G.'s 'Big Poppa'
- 06/21/16--06:20: How To Have Sex On All The Furniture: An Important Guide
- 06/21/16--07:08: Sometimes In Australia a 16-Foot Snake Wakes You Up
- 06/21/16--07:27: Ariel Winter (And Her Underboob) Celebrated Her Graduation
- 06/21/16--07:36: 13 Of The Strangest Mailboxes In Japan
- 06/21/16--09:41: Orlando Karate Teacher Sent 11-Year-Old Boy Nude Pictures Of Herself
- 06/21/16--10:41: Bizzare, Disturbing Pornography Was Found At Michael Jackson's House
- 06/21/16--14:29: Sara Jean Underwood Likes To Hike In The Buff
- 06/21/16--15:19: I Can't Stop Staring At Abigail Ratchford's Wristbands
He was thankfully detained before he started pounding his gavel.
According to The Smoking Gun, an 18-year-old Arkansas man who was already facing a charge of indecent exposure was slapped with a lot more than that after he dropped his drawers and burst into a courtroom yelling, "Court is back in session!"
Police said Derrick Thomas had been in custody since he was arrested last month for lying naked on a Jonesboro sidewalk. He was set to appear in District Court last Wednesday to face his indecent exposure charge when he broke away from an officer, dropped his pants to his ankles, ripped off his shirt and ran into the courtroom.
Judge Keith Blackman was none too pleased with what went down in his courtroom, especially the fact that he had to stop court because "everyone was looking at" Thomas, so he threw "new charges for indecent exposure, disorderly conduct, resisting arrest and obstructing governmental operations" onto Thomas's heap of troubles.
The officer who took Thomas back to his jail cell noted Thomas laughed and told another inmate, "I told you I would do it," which sounds about right at this point.
Yes, those are bells hanging from my testicles, and thanks for noticing: Utah Man Arrested With Bells Hanging From His Balls
Of all the popular "The Simpsons" characters you don't want to see too much of, Moe Szyslak would be an obvious choice on ugliness alone. Yet, he's probably one of the most fleshed out of the entire roster of Springfieldians outside of the five members of the titular family. But that's not necessarily a good thing. While he's certainly had his share of laugh-out-loud moments, Moe is a character best served in small doses. That's why, along with counting down his five greatest episodes, we've included his five worst, too, so that perhaps one day the show will tone him down to the bare essentials.
Note: Moe has starred in 15 Moe-centric episodes, meaning those where he is not only driving the A story, but the title of the episode directly relates to his arc. Therefore, segments such as "The Love-Matic Grampa" from Season 8's "The Simpsons Spin-off Showcase" and his Uncle Moe's Family Feedbag B plot from Season 7's "Bart Sells His Soul" could not be included. Gotta draw the line somewhere, people.
BEST MOE EPISODES
#5 - Season 13, Episode 3: "Homer the Moe"
Homer Simpson has held several dozen occupations over the past 27 seasons, but you'd be surprised how many different jobs Moe has had, as well. Of course, he's usually still a bartender in most of these scenarios but has just shuffled things around at Moe's Tavern to make it seem like it's a new, exciting place. Once such instance came when he turned his bar into a trendy nightclub at the behest of his dead mentor. As the phonies flocked in, though, his regulars filtered out and he noticed the error of his ways. If only every Moe episode painted him in this light instead of the creepy, self-centered jerk he usually comes off as.
#4 - Season 3, Episode 10: "Flaming Moe's"
Don't let your nostalgia fool you into thinking that this is the greatest Moe episode of "The Simpsons" just because it's well known. While it does contain many classic moments, that doesn't necessarily mean it was the funniest 22 minutes of all time. Also, as we just mentioned, this is the first of many episodes to paint Moe as a genuine slimeball, only "learning his lesson" after things have already fallen apart. This is a sad and familiar trend when it comes to some of the worst episodes Moe has starred in, so stick around for more on that later. All that aside, this is still among the greatest he's ever starred in. Let's not sell it short. Speaking of which...
#3 - Season 20, Episode 16: "Eeny Teeny Maya Moe"
When Moe isn't dissatisfied with his job, he's desperately lonely. Those are about his only plot lines, and they've been used to death. That said, it was very refreshing to see a love story episode so late in the game that was actually well-written, funny and—while still ending with Moe messing everything up—heartfelt. Oh, and let's not forget that it was full of vintage Moe moments, making it a hidden gem among the newer "Simpsons" episodes.
#2 - Season 9, Episode 16: "Dumbbell Indemnity"
Moe just can't catch a break, but at least in this episode, neither his sad-sack side nor his bitter jerk side is played too prominently. In fact, right up until the end of the episode where he pretty much loses his mind, he actually seems like a pretty sweet guy with good intentions. The fact that Hank Azaria (the voice of Moe) and Helen Hunt (the voice of his girlfriend Renee in this episode) were dating at the time they recorded the dialogue for this episode only added to the chemistry here, making the romance seem much more real and engaging on top of the plot hitting on all cylinders.
#1 - Season 11, Episode 16: "Pygmoelian"
What would a hideous person do if they were gifted with good looks? Why, take their revenge on everyone who's wronged them, of course! An angry Moe is a hilarious Moe, and no episode better illustrates that fact than this one. While the lesson learned segment at the end is totally rushed, it's done so intentionally for laughs, putting the perfect end note on as close to a perfect Moe episode as we'll likely ever get.
WORST MOE EPISODES
#5 - Season 18, Episode 6: "Moe'N'a Lisa"
The very worst Moe episodes are the ones where he comes off like a huge prick who only cares about himself. Oh, and when he's painted as so desperate, pathetic and suicidal that it's not even funny (but more on that with our "worst place" winner). Basically, in this episode, Lisa discovers that Moe is actually a very talented poet and makes him famous for it. All he then has to do is give her the slightest credit for believing in him, but he doesn't. This is after not being able to come to terms with why no one seems to like him or remember him on special occasions such as his birthday. As you can probably tell, those are two themes that don't really work well together.
#4 - Season 16, Episode 07: "Mommie Beerest"
Moe has always had a thing for Marge Simpson, but it's usually only played for laughs. Not in this case, however. When his bar is about to go under, Moe turns to loyal pal Homer for money, which he gets by signing a new second mortgage on his house. Marge becomes so upset with Homer that she decides she now owns part of Moe's Tavern and begins chumming around with him as a means of getting his business back on track. Of course, Moe sees this as an opportunity to steal Marge from Homer. He doesn't succeed and comes off looking like a major scumbag in the process. Yet, not only is this glossed over, but Homer and Marge barely bat an eye and just move on. In real life, they would likely have stopped being friends altogether. But since it's a cartoon with no ongoing plot, we're just expected to move on and let it go, too.
#3 - Season 21, Episdoe 23: "Judge Me Tender"
"The Simpsons" sold out years ago, but this episode existed for no other reason than to pander to the lowest common denominator: "American Idol" fans. Really, there's not much more too it. Moe starts insulting people, and for whatever reason, even though no one has liked him for it before, everyone embraces him completely and he becomes the latest snarky judge. Once he notices that people are actually starting not to like him, though, he has a change of heart. Because, you know, that all makes sense if you don't think about it. The title of this episode should have been "Shameless 'American Idol' Plug + Moe."
#2 - Season 23, Episode 12: "Moe Goes From Rags to Riches"
This episode detailed the history of Moe's bar rag, narrated by the bar rag (voiced by Jeremy Irons). You read that correctly. Also, it revealed that Moe is a yeti. Seriously, does any of that sound like a good idea? There is a B story involving Bart and Milhouse fighting over Bart treating Milhouse like crap. It's very run-of-the-mill, and yet it's leaps and bounds more interesting than the absurd premise of the main premise. By this point, the show was just out of ideas for a Moe plot, and it was blatantly obvious. Hence...
#1 - Season 24, Episode 19: "Whiskey Business"
Remember this clip from the end of the Season 13 episode "Gump Roast" where the show joked using very lame fake plots that they have stories for years? In "Whiskey Business," Moe's friends catch him trying to hang himself (hilarious, right?), so they buy him a new suit. All you can think while watching it is, "Maybe Moe gets a cell phone; has Bart ever owned a bear or how 'bout a crazy wedding?" All the Moe jokes are recycled and unfunny by this point (this is as least the third time they've done the "Moe tries to smile but looks hideous" gag), the new characters who take an interest in Moe's homemade whiskey are as bland as possible, and the rest of the plot escapes you because it's that unmemorable. But then again, so is the show these days, so it's to be expected.
See, this is why we started with the good ones first.
Season 8, Episode 3: "The Homer They Fall"
Season 14, Episode 22: "Moe Baby Blues"
Season 21, Episode 21: "Moe Letter Blues"
Season 22, Episode 11: "Flaming Moe"
Season 26, Episode 15: "The Princess Guide"
Sally has been looked upon in a less sexy light ever since she played mom to Forrest Gump (even though she's only 10 years older than Tom Hanks). Aunt May and Mary Todd Lincoln probably didn't get her a lot of swipes right, either. But in 1965, at the ripe young age of 19, she seduced the nation as Gidget, the SoCal surfing teen who spent most of her time in a swimsuit. Keep in mind, we're talking about the Bandit's girl; he remains the sexiest man to ever drive a Firebird, so obviously his girl had to be equally rapturous.
Poor Kathleen doesn't deserve to be one of those "We Can't Look Away" headlines you find on other, less reputable sites. Of course, she couldn't always look all steamy and naked like she was in "Body Heat." But William Hurt will be able to have just as good a porn 'stache and grow ever more distinguished with age -- which is generally the case. Some call it injustice; I just see it as payback for how much harder it is for young guys to get laid than girls (it's probably because we read stuff like this).
Shirley's been playing mom roles since "Terms of Endearment" -- not that there's anything wrong with moms, especially yummy, surly ones like Aurora Greenway. You likely don't remember her as Fran Kubelik in Billy Wilder's 1960 Best Picture winner, "The Apartment." She plays a mistress of one of Jack Lemmon's many bosses whom Jack lends his bachelor pad to in exchange for career advancement so his bosses may indulge in extramarital affairs. As a nod to such simpler times, when infidelity was apparently just the norm, I'll always try to remember Shirley in such lovely black and white light, even if Madame Sousatzka keeps interrupting.
Ever since she did time in the clink, I've had a much deeper appreciation for Martha's charms. Or maybe that's just since "Orange Is the New Black." Either way, now that I've seen her early modeling work, I'm forever smitten. A former model/current mogul is a dangerous combo. And though it's completely unrelated, I feel a responsibility to tell you she went to Nutley High School. Nutley. (photo via Business Insider)
You shouldn't need any evidence beyond the amoral Sally Bowles in "Cabaret." However, allow me to present the photo above, when young M got all green, naked and friendly with a donkey -- or at least a man with the head of a donkey -- in Peter Hall's 1968 film adaptation of The Bard's "A Midsummer Night's Dream" a filmtrip that could only be made in the late '60s by swinging Brits (including two other lovely ladies on this list). I've never wanted to be a donkey so badly in all my life.
Another veteran of Hall's "MSND," as we Shakespeare-heads call it, the real head of House Martell has always been a stunner. But playing Emma Peel in the popular Brit TV show "The Avengers," she did more than merely stun. As one of the first ladies to popularize the leather catsuit, Rigg changed the world by offering a vision of S&M to the masses. And we are all better men because of it.
Of course you know Helen is hot because she's a stone-old fox, but did you know she was also young once? Sir Peter Hall must have had one heck of an eye, because Mirren also starred in "MSND" when she was only 23 (long before she was coronated, of course). Just look at the photo above, reportedly of her in 1969, the same year she inspired great art in "Age of Consent." You could just tell she had Golden Globes in her future.
If you've only seen Angela as a tea kettle, then you've got some more seeing to do. Although, granted, she is the sexiest damn tea kettle around.
Only hot girls get away with the shit Hanoi Jane used to pull. But you can bet old stodgy Republicans still get off to her behind closed doors. Interestingly, for me, Jane was always kind of mom-like, since my mom jazzercised to her workout videos. But having rewatched hours of these lately, for research, I can't believe I wasn't always stunned by her loose-lefty morals and tightly-toned thighs. Of course, if I had seen the opening credits of "Barbarella" alone, I would have been.
Sure, you've probably thought of her as sexy as hell since you saw her in "The Witches of Eastwick" in 1987 and "Bull Durham" in 1988, but she was already past 40 by then. Not to say she didn't age like a fine wine, but if you like to drink wine right when it's ripe, "Atlantic City" is the movie for you. That is, unless there's another one that features her squeezing lemons all over her breasts just to make sure they're lemony clean for Burt Lancaster's voyeuristic eyes. And even that was five years after parading around in her underwear in "The Rocky Horror Picture Show," much to the delight of goths and theater geeks everywhere. This came five years after her big screen debut "Joe," the first time we saw her glorious pair up close and personal.
Ranked below are our 10 most addictive fast food pleasures from the guiltiest chains restaurants.
10. Wetzel's Pretzels
Between movies and malls, you can't do either without a stop at the greasiest of pretzel perversions. The hot soft-baked butter pretzels come with any choice of dipping sauce, but if you get anything other than the jalapeño cheddar, you're an asshole. They've come out with Pepperoni Twists and Wetzel Dogs and Wetzel Bitz, but you'd be wise to continue with the Original, an old fashioned salted pretzel. Maybe get two dipping sauces, because they really try to gyp you with that cheese.
9. In-N-Out Animal Style
Even the healthiest foodies can't keep themselves out of this drive-thru. There is a serious purity to this place with its fresh produce, cheap prices and nostalgic paper hats. But seriously, nobody can drive past one without stopping after catching a whiff of what's going on inside. And the off-the-menu option, animal style, is just a guiltier take of a glamorous good time with special spread -- extra cheese and grilled onions.
8. Wendy's Jr. Bacon Cheeseburger
"It's so good when it hits your lips." If you hit up Wendy's at a decent hour when they're not too slammed, they'll melt your cheese just right. Should you show up during a rush, expect some back alley burger that'll make you hate yourself just a little bit more. Then add five-piece nuggets, sweet and sour, fries, a Frosty and -- oh, what the hell -- another Jr. Bacon (ketchup only). OK, now you can hate yourself.
7. McDonald's Breakfast
On certain mornings, what's the only decent reason to leave your home in the morning? McDonald's breakfast. What's your guilty pleasure? Sausage Egg McMuffin? McGriddle? Bacon Egg & Cheese Biscuit? It's so cheap you can get them all and not give your wallet too big of a hit. Just don't waste everyone's time with the Fruit & Maple Oatmeal.
6. Late Night Domino's $5.99 Meals
Feeds 3-5 people? More like one fatty fatso. When it comes to the best drunk snacks, it takes one of the top-ranked pizza chains to get the job done. Having the "Choose Any 2 for $5.99 Each" deal up your sleeve, matched with some late-night delivery, means you can hate yourself alone at home, the coziest of all self-loathing environments. It's right up there with a 3 a.m. Denny's Grand Slam before the sunrise faceplant into your plate.
5. A Bucket of Kentucky Fried Chicken
It's like pretending you're celebrating the Super Bowl every week. All you need now are some sexy Super Bowl ads to go with your greasy fingers all over the remote. The best part about the KFC bucket is that the original recipe is good for fattening up the whole family. No wonder the Colonel was chubby.
4. Panda Express Orange Chicken
Feeling ethnic but still a totally trashy American? No problem. The last time I personally ate at "the panda," I felt my insides being shredded after chowing down some of their rock-hard, bottom-of-the-barrel, yet deliciously glazed orange chicken. I'm not saying I didn't love it in my mouth or have second thoughts with each bite, but I definitely haven't been back since. It's a guilty pleasure as much as a remorseful one.
3. Arby's Curly Fries
Next to 7-Eleven nachos and AM/PM gas station hot dogs, this is about as low as it goes. Well, that, and Long John Silver's. Do people still go there? There isn't much more to say. We all know how gross Arby's and their roast beef can be, but quite frankly, those damn curly fries are irresistible, even if they straighten up and burn on the way out.
2. Taco Bell $5 Buck Box
Who doesn't love a box full of cheap Mexican food? For folks who can't wait until Taco Tuesday for their Crunchy Doritos Grande Nachos Locos Especial (or whatever they call their pseudo-food these days), there's always Taco Bell. Rain or shine. At least you're not eating at Del Taco. You're not eating at Del Taco, right!? For the best in Americanized Mexican food with possibly the quickest RTT (return to toilet) ratio, this is where you go. And don't forget the cinnamon twists!
1. Anything From Chick-fil-A
You only feel guilty because it's like joining a team of homophobic chicken lovers. The food is unquestionably delicious, but it's not the food that makes you feel guilty, which is why you probably take it to go, am I right? Thankfully it's closed on Sundays, or else the guilt would continue seven days a week.
Bonus: Golden Corral's Buffet
Now mix all the guilty pleasures onto one plate and what do you have? Golden Corral. Potentially the heart attack's best friend and ally, this is the no-holds-barred attempt at satisfying the most indecisive, gluten-loving obese candidates of all time. Let's play the "How many things can fit on one plate that are completely unrelated and incompatible to one another" game. Then when it's over, let's go get three desserts in one bowl. Making America great, always!
If you love funny photos as much as I do, you are going to LOVE today's funny photos. Why? Well, you'll have to keep on scrolling to find out.
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It was quite a treat seeing "Rick and Morty" tackle Kendrick Lamar's "Swimming Pools," but that's probably nothing compared to seeing one big purple dinosaur take on a song from arguably one of the greatest rappers ever. That's right. It's Barney rapping "Big Poppa" by the Notorious B.I.G.
Take a look at the video below thanks again to another great video by Adam Schleichkorn and his Is This How You Go Viral page.
It's pretty clear Barney goes hard on this.
But is he a match for Kermit? The Muppets Go Hard On Outkast's Classic 'Ms.Jackson'
If the bed were an ice cream flavor, it would be vanilla. Well, at least from a sexual perspective. While it is the rudimentary space for coitus, the best sex (in my opinion, at least) is that which challenges tradition -- meaning, it likely won't be happening in the bedroom. I'm not saying bedroom sex is bad, because it isn't, but sometimes it's better when done elsewhere, because it's more spontaneous.
Since most homes are filled with the furniture I've presented below, there's no reason to stay there when making whoopie. So head downstairs and have a have some fantastic sex on the following pieces of furniture, would you?
1. Rocking Chair
The trick to having sex in a rocking chair is for the male (you) to remain seated as the lady backs up until you're engaged in the "Caboose" position (this means the male spoons the female while seated from behind). The rocking function of the chair makes thrusting effortless while the man's hands are free to explore her body.
2. Office Swivel Chair
This piece of furniture puts the lady in charge. Sit down and have your partner sit on your lap while facing away. From here, she can do whatever she wishes. I recommend using the ergonomic arm rests for leverage, and somehow incorporate the swivel ability and wheels to your advantage. How? I'm not sure. Get creative!
3. Foot Rest
Ask your lady to get on her knees, rest her elbows on the foot rest, and spread her legs wide. Then you, the male, enter doggy-style, and thrust as hard as you'd like, as she can use her arms to stabilize herself and remain in the position.
4. Kitchen Counter
The countertop is usually the ideal height for the "butterfly" position, which is ideal for deep penetration. To do this, have the lady sit on the edge of the counter and spread her legs, allowing you to penetrate as you stand. From this position you can easily touch her breasts and her clitoris. Which you should always do.
Water may not be the best lubricant for sex, but the bathtub is one hell of a location for sensual coitus. Just draw a warm bath and the two of you can get intimate in the bubbles and ultimately go to town on each other. A tip? Turn the lights off and add candles. Because romance is always a nice touch.
6. Coffee Table
The female participant will lay down on the cool surface of the coffee table with her legs open and slightly bent. Then, placing your arms on either side of the table, perform a push-up as you lower yourself into her. This position is known as the "mountain climber."
7. Park Bench
This one's a bit more difficult. On the park bench (because public sex is so much hotter), lay her down so that only her shoulders and head are supported on the bench. You then must stand between her legs and lift them up to your waist, using those elevated hips to reach deeper than ever before.
8. Dining Room Table
You know how in the movies couples tend to swipe the dinner table of all food and destroy each other sexually in an erotic montage. Do that. And while you're there, experiment with positions on top, alongside, and perhaps even under the table.
9. Bean Bag Chair
Kicking it old school. If you're fortunate to still have a bean bag chair in your home, mold it to assist in any position you'd like to try. My advice, angle the chair so that her hips are elevated so you can penetrate deeper and stimulate the G-Spot. This will have a similar effect to placing a pillow under her hips during more traditional bedroom sex. Since the bean bag chair is soft and malleable, it lends itself to a variety of positions.
Using the width of the hammock, you must lay her down so that her upper back and head are supported by the hammock, then bring her legs up as high up as possible, spreading them wide. You should then lie down on top of her and enter missionary-style. A good thrusting motion will influence the hammock to swing, which feels just as fantastic as it is helpful.
1. Aliens Waited Until Fourth Of July Weekend For Their Attack To Really Rub It In
These guys could have attacked anytime they wanted. Hell, they could have done it on a random Monday in February. But of course they waited for the long July 4th weekend: the most patriotic weekend of the year. Those bastards. Jokes on them, though, because that fueled President Whitmore (Bill Pullman) to give the greatest speech ever given on screen. Period.
2. Will Smith Punches An Alien In The Face
Will Smith's character, Captain Steve Hiller, encounters an alien in person for what everyone can assume is the first time ever. And what does he do? Run? Yell? Shoot it? Nope. He punches it right in the damn face. Adding insult to injury he says, "Welcome to Earth!" Fuck yes. Take that, you slimy asshole.
3. 1996 Powerbook Is The Greatest Computer In History
What's that, aliens? You have protective shields that can protect you against our nukes? Well guess what? Our 1996 Apple Macintosh Powerbook 5300 uploaded a virus into your mothership and there ain't shit you can do about it. So in a way, Steve Jobs had a big part in saving our asses.
4. Jeff Goldblum Knows More Than The Greatest Minds In Area 51
All the minds in government and all those scientists locked down at Area 51, scientists that have been studying these aliens for years, aren't a match for Jeffrey Lynn Goldblum and his witty and charming ways. Move over everyone, Jeff's Powerbook and tenacity are going to show you all how it's done.
5. Will Smith Can Fly An Alien Ship. Awesome.
Sure, he was only chased by one for a few minutes, but hell, that's enough for one guy to know how to fly a ship that has never been flown by a human. But hey, this guy just did get done punching an alien in the face, so what the hell -- let him fly the damn thing.
6. And The President Also Kicks Ass In A Jet!
A president is useless if he's just going to shout orders from his white palace -- we need a president like President Whitmore. This guy just hops on a jet and takes care of shit on his own.
7. Jasmine Survives Thanks To A Room In The Tunnel
I like that this movie taught me that if aliens touchdown and everything goes to shit just find the nearest room inside of a tunnel. You're bound to survive. I also learned that your dog will have a better chance of surviving because no one dares kill off a pet. No one. I mean, look how Boomer nearly misses being fried to death.
8. Everyone Just Sits Back And Waits For America To Hurry Up And Save Them
Thanks for nothing, Russia. Everyone of course is growing impatient while America decides to do something about these assholes in the sky. So the rest of the world just twiddles their thumbs until America gets a plan because everyone else sucks except for us. Thanks, Hollywood!
9. Drunk Idiot Saves The World
Who needs the greatest military on the planet when you can just throw a drunk who was anal probed by aliens decades before and have him save the world.
10. Our Planet Is Fucked But At Least We Saved These Cigars
No one is really concerned that millions of people have just perished and that there is destruction everywhere. And why should they? Will and Jeff's characters still have their cigars. And of course they are going to light it up
11. "Didn't I promise you fireworks?"
Dude, millions of people are dead. Who cares if you kept your promise to little Nicky. Well actually, it is the Fourth of July. Might as well light it up.
On the subject of blockbusters: 10 Things That Still Piss Me Off About 'Twister'
I need a serious answer: Just what the hell is going on in Australia?
Just when you thought finding a massive spider in your home was the worst Australia had to offer, a 16-foot snake felt like one-upping that by waking a woman up in her home. Trina Hibberd woke up and was confronted by the huge snake (there's a sex pun somewhere here) as it moved from her hallway into the guest room.
Let's first take a look at a picture of the snake thanks to Hibberd's Facebook:
One time a pigeon flew through my window and I'm pretty sure I blacked out, so I have no idea how Hibberd continued living after seeing that. If you can handle it, here's a video of the snake Hibberd shared:
Hibberd actually believes the snake, which she nicknamed Monty, has been on her roof for years: "First photo I have of him was in 2012 but I'm pretty sure he's been in the roof for a lot longer," Hibberd writes in her Facebook comments. "He used to slither down into the pool area for a feed and a drink then slither back up just before sunrise unless he had a tummy full of food and got stuck...am pretty happy that he's gone. Snake catcher said he was a kangaroo killer!"
Hibberd ended up calling some snake catchers who quickly removed Monty.
No word yet on who will remove anyone who has decided to live in Australia.
Still beats waking up to some naked dude: Australian Couple Wakes Up To Find Naked Stranger In Their Bed
It's pretty clear that Ariel Winter is a fan of her boobs, and it's easy to see why. While we've already seen her show off her goods at Coachella where she only wore bra tops, Winter showed them off again -- this time at her graduation party.
Take a look at the 18-year-old's choice of dress at her graduation celebration thanks to a picture on her Instagram:
Couldn't be more grateful to @shanelle_gray & @davidbarrygray for throwing me the most amazing graduation party ever last night...the amount of love and support they've shown me for the past four years has been life changing. My sister is my absolute best friend and my everything...❤️ Thank you so much. I couldn't be luckier or more grateful. I was in awe last night and I still am that you guys love me that much to do all of that for me...I never would be where I am today without you two...you guys saved me and taught me to be the person I am today. Dad...I love you!!! Thank you for always being there to support and love me as well and always put a smile on my face no matter what :). I'm so grateful for the bond we now share. Alenah the song you put together with Shanelle and recorded for me was one of the most special gifts I've ever received. I'm still tearing up thinking about it. Thank you for that and for your beautiful, special performance. Also a big thank you so much to Geraldine for putting it all together and to @contemporarycatering @robpauerful for the most amazing food! A special thank you as well to Sharon who is probably the biggest reason I was able to get through high school and accepted into college...you pushed me to always do my best and encouraged me...not to mention you were always there for my 1am freak outs about late projects :) Anddddd thank you SO MUCH to all of my amazing family members and friends that flew in to celebrate with us- you guys are the absolute best. Thank you also to the ones who didn't have to fly in...so much love was felt all around last night. Thank you thank you thank you!!!!!! Class of 2016...❤️ #uclabound
Here's a closer look.
She sure is ready to tackle adulthood.
Now enjoy more of Ariel below:
Check her out on Snapchat, too: Ariel Winter Flaunts Major Cleavage In Her Sexiest Snapchat Selfies Yet
Hey, if you want your mailbox to stand out for some reason, you're going to have to do a tad better than the mailboxes below that come to us from Japan. Check out some of the strangest mailboxes that Japan has to offer.
These are out there as well: These Are The Most Bizarre Mailboxes You'll See
Courtney Stodden isn't afraid to show off her pregnant belly, as we have already seen her dance in a bikini for Memorial Day. But this time around the 21-year-old wanted to wish her 56-year-old husband, Doug Hutchinson, a Happy first Father's Day while they await their first child.
And how did Courtney do that? By hanging out in a super tiny bikini that is struggling to cover stuff up. Take a look at the photo below thanks to her Instagram:
Here's another look at this bikini thanks to a photo Courtney shared a few weeks earlier:
Well, I guess it beats getting him socks.
Courtney chooses paint over a bikini: Courtney Stodden Wears Nothing But Body Paint At Comic-Con
Karate classes sure have changed since I was young.
Stephanie Figueroa, a 21-year-old martial arts teacher at Next-Gen Xtreme Martial Arts on South Goldenrod Rd., is in some deep shit, as she was caught sending nude pictures to an 11-year-old student in her class.
Figueroa also sent the kid some lewd messages on the app Kik -- messages the kid's mom discovered when she opened up the app on her son's phone. "I want to have sex with you" was just one of the messages the karate teacher sent the boy. Figueroa also invited the boy to her 21-year-old birthday party, telling him nobody else would be home during the party; this according to police.
Figueroa continued to badger the boy, even sending him up to 15 nude photos. This was enough for the boy to finally notify police.
Figueroa was arrested and is being held without bond. Her charges include attempted lewd or lascivious conduct, solicitation and contributing to the delinquency of a minor, showing a minor obscene material and child abuse.
Next time stick to the old "wax on, wax off" routine, teach.
h/t NY Daily News
Hopefully she doesn't teach sex ed: Texas Teacher Gets Pregnant By 13-Year-Old Student After Having 'Sex Everyday'
Job interviews are tough, but for the most part you are usually asked the same questions. One of them is the always annoying "Do you have any special talents?" question. Well now thanks to this video we all know how to perfectly answer it.
Take a look at the hilarious video below thanks to the I AM King Vader Instagram:
Let's all take a moment to celebrate the real star of this video:
This kid is going places.
Where it all began: This High School Kid's Water Bottle Flip Is Blowing Up The Internet
He's been dead for six years, but Michael Jackson is still making headlines -- although not the way he would have wanted to at all.
Police reports that reveal exactly what was at Jackson's house in a search from 2003 during a child molestation investigation have been released by Radar Online, and boy are they disturbing. Some of those items include child pornography, pictures of adult bodies with children's faces superimposed on them (the hell?) and inappropriate pictures of his nephews in their underwear.
More items found also include pictures of bleeding animals and children, prescription drugs to treat sex addiction, as well as videotapes and diaries.
For some ungodly reason, the King of Pop also had a book called "Room to Play," which includes a picture of a JonBenet Ramsey lookalike with a noose around her neck.
Michael, seriously, the hell?
Ron Zonen, a DA who was on the prosecution team, shares this bit of information: "A lot of this stuff was used to desensitize the children," he tells Radar. "We identified five different boys, who all made allegations of sexual abuse. There's not much question in my mind that Michael was guilty of child molestation."
Seems like his maids weren't lying: Michael Jackson's Maids Say The King Of Pop Was Also The King Of Filth
Forget the "Battle of the Bastards." This brawl featuring two sisters, one of whom is or probably was employed at a Memphis IHOP, against pretty much everybody else working inside the restaurant last Saturday night is where it's at.
I'm talking about pulling hair, cursing like a sailor, throwing high chairs and booster seats, landing dozens of haymakers, crying kids, obesity and of course, delicious pancakes.
Janika Nellums and Shanika Strickland were arrested and charged with assault and vandalism following the melee, and authorities said damages to the IHOP were estimated to be near $1,000.
If you're late to the party, just remember: It's not officially a restaurant brawl in 2016 until somebody throws a chair.
h/t Barstool Sports
Karinaaaaaaaaaaaaa! Dude Tries To Win Back Ex By Fighting Her New Boyfriend, Ends Up On Floor Of Chick-Fil-A Screaming Her Name
The Pittsburgh Pirates beat the visiting San Francisco Giants 1-0 last night, and that was a big deal considering the fact that it was just their second win since June 7.
But the bigger story was the ball girl down the left field line who snagged a foul ball with her bare hand in the top of the first inning after it took a wicked hop.
Olivia is one of the 14 Pirates Ball Girls who are "local college student-athletes who excel in the knowledge of the game of baseball and have the personality to be ambassadors" to Pirates fans. It's unknown if Olivia is the only one who currently possesses Jedi skills, but luckily for several fans in the area and their $12 beers, she was on duty last night instead of somebody else.
h/t Hardball Talk
Look what you did, you little jerk: Man Snags Foul Ball From Woman Then Walks Away Like Major Tool
Is there anybody in Florida who can just go to their job, come home for dinner with their significant other and then fall asleep on the couch while watching "2 Broke Girls," or is that asking too much?
According to Action News Jax, a 54-year-old Ocala woman was forced to shoot a 27-year-old naked man covered in his own shit Sunday night after he broke into her house and chased her upstairs.
Police said Victor Alex Etherington first pounded on the woman's windows and demanded that she let him in. She respectfully declined and asked him to leave. Etherington then kicked in the door and chased the woman upstairs, where she armed herself with a .22 caliber handgun, locked herself in the bedroom closet and called 911.
That's when things got super shitty. Literally.
Etherington allegedly forced his way into the bedroom and removed his shorts, which we assume was because they were full of his own crap. Now buck naked and covered in his own filth, he made his way for the closet, but when he opened the door, the woman fired a single shot that struck him in the abdomen.
When police finally arrived on the scene, they found a naked Etherington hiding behind the bedroom door. Police determined he was drunk and that he used to live at the residence. He was rushed to a local hospital's intensive care unit, where they were able to nurse him back to stable condition, which is just terrific. I mean, hopefully they can get this guy up and running real soon so he can become a pilot or scoutmaster or something.
Dudes get naked and break into homes on the West Coast, too: Naked Oregon Man Walks Into Woman's Home, Says 'Hi, Honey' And Then Falls Off Cliff
Sara Jean Underwood won't stop blowing us away with her sexy photos, and it's beginning to be a problem (a really good problem). If you've noticed your productivity levels plummeting, there's a chance it has something to do with one of the hottest girls on Instagram (@saraunderwood) posting nude hiking pics. Here she is hiking Arches National Park in eastern Utah along the Colorado River.
Below, we've added some of the hottest Sara Jean Underwood hiking photos of late, all of which exist to elevate your life, among other things. She's definitely not on our list of camping must nots this summer.
There's nothing like the great outdoors: Hiking With Sara Jean Underwood Seems Like A Pretty Good Time
Abigail Ratchford is one of our favorite models, and not just because we knew she was going to start blowing up the internet years ago. It's because she has such a colorful personality, charm, and oh yeah -- she's a baseball fan, too!
Batter uppppp ; ) ⚾️ Little teaser from yesterday's merchandise shoot with @bryandewittphoto ☺️ Photos will be available on posters, tshirts, cell phone cases, etc on my website in a few weeks✅ All Sports fans, Batman Vs Superman, popsicles, and lots of other Summer Fun themes were shot 📼👌🏼 Stay Tuneddddd ; ) 🔥🔥🍉
Keep doing what you're doing, Abigail. You're knocking it out of the park every time.
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