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What's So Great About Apple's New iPad Air and iMac?

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As the iPhones get bigger, Apple's latest line of iPad Airs and Minis are getting smaller. Soon you won't be able to tell the difference, but in the meantime, they're hoisting the new line of tablets - big and small - alongside some impressive 5K iMacs high up on their shoulders this fall. Herein you'll find the impressive upgrades to the iPad Air, the lacking tune-up for third generation Minis, and some futuristic iMac happenings that will soil the pants of the guy next to you by the time you're done reading this. That's bold, Apple.

iPad Air 2ipad air 2
With the new iPad Air models, Apple takes one step closer to making tablets as efficient as the computers they sell. The first question after the iPad Air last year was how Apple could possibly top themselves, but as per usual, they're convinced this one blows last year's model out of the water, and they're damn right.

To begin, the body is 18 percent thinner - 6.1mm - which is about as thin as the iPhone 6. It's even rounded like it, too, with a fully laminated screen built as a single layer, as opposed to three layers from its original. This allows the body to be thinner and still offer a top notch design with same impressive 2048 x 1536 retina display. With the new A8X chip, the second Air is 12 times the speed of the original iPad, 40 percent faster than the original iPad Air. It explodes at 2.5 times the graphic speed of its predecessor, which bodes extra well for photographers and video editors, as well as the gaming crowd, the likes of which could only be found on computers until now.

But the biggest advancements in the new iPad Air is its photo and video capabilities, rocking the same M8 motion co-processor as the iPhone 6, an improvement that will get concert junkies and outdoorsy photographers alike excited. Now with 1080p video capability for slo-mo and time lapse videos, as well as high resolution panoramas, the iPad Air is now a bit of an artistic companion. Oh, and the iSight camera now uses 8 megapixels - also same as the new iPhone - instead of 5 MP from last year. Kudos, Apple.

And there are new features that'll make everyone happy. Now with Touch ID and Apple Pay, online shopping is quicker than ever, despite not being able to use the feature in-store like you can with the new iPhone. Glare reduction, thanks to a special coating on the screen, reduces reflection by about 60 percent, which makes for more vibrant colors with better contrast and deeper blacks so you can work (watch porn) in public more clearly. In addition, the touch tracking is improved so it's faster, more fluid and more accurately responsive to swipe the screen with any function from quick scrolling to finger painting. And did we mention it comes in gold?

iPad Mini 3
ipad mini 3
The iPad Mini 3, however, hasn't much to say in comparison. With the iPad Mini 2, Apple prided itself on making the tiny tablet "every inch an iPad," going spec-for-spec with its big brother, but the new iPad Mini 3, although wonderfully packaged, isn't nearly matched with the full-size iPads. In fact, it's the exact same model as the iPad Mini 2, except it comes in gold and has the Touch ID option. The body is still stacked at 7.5 mm thick, still holding the A7 chip from last year's model. The height, weight and retina display are all the same. Essentially you'd be paying $399 instead of $299 to have your Mini be gold and offer Touch ID, which most people don't even use.

Clearly, a lot went into the new iPad Air model and not much at all into the new miniature version. Last year, the iPad Air and the iPad Mini went tit for tat, letting people choose if they'd rather have a big one or little one. This year, the iPad Air 2 took flight high above its little sister. The iPhone 6 Plus is actually the biggest competition for the Mini 3 now.

iMac 5K

And if the Apple Watch from last month's announcements didn't make your wallet - or your ass in general - tremble, Apple's new iMac might. Since Apple's computers are getting a run for their money from their own tablets, the geniuses are coming up with new, more exciting ways to jump higher into the retina stratosphere to bring unprecedented new displays to their iMac line. But they will make you pay for it. And thus, iPad Day with Apple quickly became something unexpected.
new iMac
A unheard of 14.7-million-pixel 5K display with its unmatched screen resolution of 5,120 x 2,880 uses an advanced oxide TFT panel. That's twice the resolution of their iMac models from last year. In other words, it's super pretty now. In case that's hard to process, we'll give some points of relativity. The 5K resolution is more than seven times the resolution of high-def 1080p quality and 67 percent more detailed than the already-futuristic 4K set up that most electronic brands are working toward. It's not certain what Apple is putting in their engineers' corn flakes, but whatever it is, it's working.

The catch? The new 27-inch models are starting out at around $2499. That might seem high - being twice the price and all - but photography and video editing enthusiasts will think it sexier than the person they pay to sleep next to. This model, although still ultra-thin at 5mm and light in weight, is not for everyone, but luckily the iMac models built in 2012 are still more impressive than what everyone else brings to the table today. Could things BE any clearer?

 

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Jessica Marie Serrano is a Houston Hottie

Arabella Durkin's First Zoo Shoot is Quite the Breast-acle

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Arabella Durkin might not ring a bell, but it should. You want to talk about buxom blonde girls who will make you grind your teeth and blink in disbelief? Let's talk about Arabella. The winner of Miss Manchester 2013 and overall flawless Northern Brit is not only tight in the tummy for Zoo in her first shoot, but she's unloading curvy love for our eyes' burning pleasure. It hurts so good when it comes to Arabella. Keep watching and keep voting and hopefully we'll get to see more of this unstoppable beauty.

 

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9 Memorable Horror Movies with Evil Kids

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Movie monsters are typically hulking madmen or murderous adults with some personal motivation for death and destruction. Don't let size fool you though. Kids on film can show just the same amount of evil, which they might even mask easily with well-mannered, childlike deference and courtesy. But beware, when these mini-maniacs do misbehave, there's often a body count.

Michael Myers, "Halloween" (1978)
evil movie children, young michael myers
Young Michael Myers looks just like any cute kid you might see in the back of a soccer mom's SUV. But make no mistake -- this boy has problems. In the opening scene of 1978's "Halloween," we get a first-person view through his clown mask as he ably stabs his sister to death. Unmasked moments later by his confused parents, bloody knife in hand, we see an ordinary looking boy with an abnormally expressionless face.

A "blank, pale, emotionless face," explains his psychiatrist, Dr. Loomis, trailing the now adult-aged Michael after his escape from the asylum. With "the blackest eyes...the devil's eyes." And to sum it up a bit more chillingly, the doctor continues, "I realized that what was living behind that boy's eyes was purely and simply...evil."


Rosemary's Baby, "Rosemary's Baby" (1968)
evil movie children, rosemary's baby
Now there's a reason why Rosemary's baby had devil's eyes: genetics. While we don't know much about Michael Myers' conception, with this child, we see it in bold detail. And this is no sexual encounter you'd want to boast about in Penthouse. In essence, it's a date rape complete with spiked chocolate mousse, but the drugger is just an accomplice. Mostly unconscious Rosemary's actual mate is literally a hairy beast.

Fast forward nine months and after a difficult birth, Rosemary is informed the baby has died. But suspicion and mother's intuition knows best, and she finds the baby alive with her husband and a group of admirers at the crazy neighbors' apartment. We never see the little Dickens, just his cradle, where it's revealed that the hairy beast that molested Rosemary was indeed Satan. Another twist: Rosemary decides a mother must love her son no matter what.


Damien, "The Omen" (1976)
evil movie children, damien the omen 1976
In film, apparently one of the devil's traits is that he's a horny devil, and more potent it seems than Lil Wayne. Case in point is Damian, another of his spawn, who brings mayhem to merry old England in "The Omen." Damien may be misunderstood by his adoptive parents, but zoo animals hate him - particularly baboons - and he'll kick, scream, pull hair and scratch his way out of going to church.

Played by five-year-old actor Harvey Stephens, he's got the perfect angelic face with dark features and a demonic scowl to portray this young antichrist. Without lifting a finger, adults impeding his master plan of future world domination are impaled, beheaded, tossed from hospital windows, or gunned down at the alter. And Damien just stares and slightly smiles terrifyingly into the camera. The little devil.


The Grady Twins, "The Shining" (1980)
evil movie children, grady twins the shining
The Grady twins may not be overtly evil, but they are quite possibly the scariest kids ever to appear on screen. They don't hurt anybody, but show up as ghosts to invite young Danny Torrance to join them in the afterlife. Victims of an axe-murderous father, whose gig at the Overlook Hotel may have taken a paranormal toll on him, the world they inhabit now is definitely a curiosity, but one we're glad-as Danny must be-to know less about.

In their matching powder blue dresses, static at the end of a long hall, the image of the Grady girls has become legendary, not just in the league of horror movies, but in all of filmmaking in general. How two well-behaved twins in pleasantly colored clothes can become the stuff of nightmares is a testament to what director Stanley Kubrick can do when he gets his hands on a film.


Rhoda, "The Bad Seed" (1956)
evil movie children, rhoda the bad seed
She might look like the girl from the Swiss Miss Hot Cocoa ads, but there's nothing sweet or satisfying about "The Bad Seed's" Rhoda. She's one cold-hearted motherscratcher who won't take murder off the table when someone stands in her way of a trinket, penmanship award, or covering up her crime.

"Can someone just be born bad?" is a recurring theme in "The Bad Seed," and as many of her peers on this list prove, yes they can. Rhoda is the perfect poster child for this innate homicidal behavior, leaving the simpler role of pleasantly endorsing hot chocolate to some other girl.


Isaac, "Children of the Corn" (1984)
evil movie children, isaac children of the corn
As a kid, a world without grown-ups can be an appealing prospect, particularly when they force you to eat Brussels sprouts or go to bed before 10 p.m. In "Children of the Corn," another Stephen King adaptation, this concept is taken literally and put into action by preacher boy Isaac and his young followers, who kill off all the adults in their town in the name of their own new god.

Isaac is blatantly evil and frightening with a strangely-pitched voice and commendable enunciation prowess. Though it turns out this evil child was not played by a child at all, but diminutive actor John Hamilton, who was in his mid-twenties at the time. Whatever his age or condition, Hamilton nails his unshakable performance as the miniature, maniacal cult leader.


Midwich Children, "Village of the Damned" (1960)
evil movie children, midwich children village of the damned
The tykes on our list so far are certainly bad, but imagine a whole posse of the li'l stinkers. That's the problem facing the English town of Midwich in 1960's "Village of the Damned." After an unexplained event causes the townsfolk to pass out for a few hours, they dust themselves off and get back to their normal lives. But then, all the women soon discover they are pregnant and normalcy is lost, perhaps forever. What these ladies give birth to are blond, highly intelligent superkids who grow at an accelerated pace, are telepathic, and can effectively practice mind control. And if you make one mad, watch out. Terrifying at the time of its release, "Village" may seem tame compared to most of these other offerings, but seeing these kids' eyes go as white as their hair before they make horrible mischief definitely gets your spine a-tinglin'.


Samara, "The Ring" (2002)
evil movie children, samara the ring
It seems Samara from "The Ring" began to cause trouble from right inside the womb. Seeing her sitting still with her long wet hair is in itself a fright. But seeing her slowly crawl out of a television or a well is beyond terrifying. Simply viewing a creepy, scratchy VHS is all it takes to set Samara on your trail. A phone will ring and announce you've got seven days to live. And take it from us, Samara will keep her appointment.


Regan, "The Exorcist" (1973)
evil movie children, regan the exorcist
You probably don't want to be a guest in the McNeil house, and seeing 12-year-old Regan pee on the floor in front of you is the least of your reasons why. In "The Exorcist," a demon has infiltrated the poor girl, turning her into one evil child.

Evil with the ability to levitate, move objects telekinetically, rotate her head 360 degrees, curse like a sailor in a heavy metal bandleader's voice, and copiously vomit at will. We don't even want to mention where she sticks that crucifix (you can probably figure it out from the photo, though). But if demons hate anything, it's the hand of God, and with the arrival of two priests, Regan's bedroom becomes the ultimate showdown of good vs. evil in this groundbreaking film that shocked audiences upon its premiere in 1973 and really hasn't stopped since.

 

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The New Cocktail Name Generator

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Bartenders have come up with all sorts of crazy names for drinks like the Grasshopper, the Red Headed Slut and the Fuzzy Nazel. We're not sure where they came up with these names, but we're pretty sure we could do a way better job at naming drinks. With that in mind, we decided to come up with some new names for classic drink combinations. Simply match your drink of choice to the special ingredient you like to mix in and discover its new official name.

cocktail name generator

 

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Mandatory Viewing: When Parrots Attack

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Mandatory Viewing: When Parrots Attack

Welcome to Mandatory Viewing, our weekly show where men talk sports, politics, current events and really weird Internet videos they hope their children will never see. This week: the billboard responsible for 517 accidents in one day, a parrot with a serious temper, and more.

 

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The Funniest GIFs of the Week


New York Woman Arrested After Stealing $25,000 Watch and Hiding It In Her Vagina

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Well, it used to be worth $25,000.

According to Huffington Post, a career criminal was arrested Sunday after allegedly stealing an Australian tourist's Yacht-Master II Rolex and cramming it up her vagina during her failed getaway.
Woman stole watch and hid it in her vagina
Police said Brenton Price brought 25-year-old Sacharye Tims back to his room at the New York City Holiday Inn after meeting her at the hotel bar. After receiving a "massage," Price said Tims complained that his watch was scratching her and convinced him to take it off.

But 10 minutes later, Price noticed the watch was gone, and he had a pretty good idea who took it. When Price confronted Tims, she beat the piss out of him, causing "swelling and bruising" on his face. She attempted to leave the hotel but was stopped by a responding female officer who witnessed Tims take the watch "out of her vaginal cavity and hand it to [her]."

Tims was charged with robbery and grand larceny, which will fill out her resume perfectly next to her other pending theft charges and prostitution convictions.

There are many questions surrounding the bizarre incident, but none more puzzling than, "Why in the hell was a guy with a $25,000 watch staying at the Holiday Inn?"

Hiding a watch in your honey pot sounds a hell of lot safer than a gun: Tennessee Woman Caught With Loaded Gun in Her Vagina

 

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What If Horror Movie Villains Had Online Dating Profiles?

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Sure, they probably creeped you out as a child, but that doesn't mean they don't need a little lovin' too. As Halloween rapidly approaches, it looks like some of the most recognizable villains from horror movies are trying to get laid too. Online dating just got even scarier. Good luck out there, guys.

Horror Movie Villain Dating Profiles, Horror Movies Funny





Design by Chris Kim

 

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Things Get Awkward With Brad Pitt On 'Between Two Ferns'

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By now, we're all more than familiar with the popular Internet series, "Between Two Ferns with Zach Galifianakis." If you aren't, let us know what it's like been like living under a rock the past 6 years. The latest awkward interview to take the Internet by storm involves Hollywood golden boy, Brad Pitt. Of course there is some discussion about Angelina Jolie and there may or may not be a Jennifer Aniston reference in there as well. There's also a surprise guest who comes in to makes things even more awkward than they already are.

 

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West Virginia Man Arrested for 'Gentle Sexual Intercourse' With Beagle

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This isn't going to do the state's reputation any favors.

According to Gawker, 47-year-old Jonnie Boggess was arrested and charged with misdemeanor animal cruelty Wednesday after admitting to having "gentle sexual intercourse" with his pet beagle Piglet over the summer.Man has gentle sexual intercourse with dog

Boggess told authorities he thought it was OK to take his dog to pound town because it was "more than 40 pounds and also because Piglet has been spayed." He also made sure to pet the dog when he was finished and "told Piglet he loved her."

Boggess admitted that he had been drinking before deciding to go all the way with his beagle, but let's be honest: that doesn't make it any better. Piglet has since been removed from the Boggess household, but a neighbor told a local television station that this wasn't the first time Boggess had plowed something other than a human being.

"He has done this before, with animals before, and it's no shock," the neighbor said.

Boggess apparently has a girlfriend, and he told police that she heard Piglet yelping but "he wasn't hurting the dog." No word on how pissed the girlfriend is that Boggess chose the beagle over her.

Usually these shenanigans are reserved for Floridians: Florida Man Had Sex With His Pit Bull in Front of His Neighbors

 

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Substitute Teacher Arrested for 'Sex Acts' With Student on Her First Day

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Yup, it's another case of physical education being taken much too literally.

Via Uproxx, a 22-year-old substitute teacher at a Washington, D.C. charter school was arrested on her first day of work after allegedly performing oral sex on a 17-year-old football player in her classroom.
Substitute arrested for sex acts with student on first day of work
Police said Symone Greene flirted with the student at Options Public Charter School last Friday before exchanging text messages with him, including one where the student asked her if she was "kinky." Greene responded with "I don't tell I show."

And "show" she did.

According to the warrant, Greene sucked on the victim's penis seven times because it was the same number he wore on his football jersey. She then let him "fondle her vagina up her skirt and through her panties" before he left the classroom around the same time the school's pep rally came to an end.

The student also told authorities he recorded the incident on his cellphone and naturally sent it to approximately five of his teammates as well as a childhood friend.

Greene pleaded not guilty to the charge of sex abuse with a minor. It's unknown what she would have done if the student would have worn number 99 instead.

This student had twice as much fun: Two Female Louisiana English Teachers Arrested for Having Threesome With Student

 

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Today's Funny Photos

These Law Firms Have Some Very Unfortunate Names

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You'd think that if you were in the business of getting people to shell over massive amounts of cash to protect them in the court of law, you'd make sure your company's name sounded respectable. But that's definitely not the case with this group of terribly unfortunate law firm names.

funny law firm names
funny law firm names
funny law firm names
funny law firm names
funny law firm names
funny law firm names
funny law firm names
funny law firm names
funny law firm names

 

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The 15 Creepiest Drawings Made By Kids

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The scariest horror movies involve creepy children. Why? Because children are creepy. Here are 15 drawings made by kids that verify this.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
I'm thinking your father doesn't deserve that cake.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
Why? Because he's Irish? Racist.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
Pro Tip: Buy little Michelle what she wants for Christmas.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
Someone get this kid to pay more attention during spelling lessons.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
I bet it was the polka.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
This might be the scariest drawing on here.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
It's a giraffe, you sickos.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
He's way beyond his years.

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
Keep an eye on this kid, parents

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
Where did you learn that?!

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
Uh...Bich?

creepy kid drawings, funny kid drawings
Obviously she's just tending to her mushroom garden.

 

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10 Sobering Myths About Drinking Alcohol

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Everyone's heard this classic piece of advice: "Beer before liquor, never been sicker; liquor before beer, you're in the clear." Unlike many pieces of rhyming wisdom, however, there's no real truth to the idea that it's the order you drink things that makes you puke rather than what and how much you actually consume. What other commonly accepted pieces of booze lore are, as Barney Gumble would say, just sweet, beautiful drunhangover, hungover pukingk talk? Read up on these ten drinking myths to find out.

MYTH #1 - TOO DRUNK? HURL IT OUT

It seems pretty straightforward: you realize that you had too much three shots ago; you feel like you've got a stomach full of hot garbage; so you spend some time kneeling and puking in a toilet while reconsidering your life choices, and then you feel better. Clearly you've gotten rid of all that demon rum inside you, so problem solved, right? Not really. Alcohol starts entering your bloodstream as soon as it hits the stomach, so while you might feel a bit more clear-headed after you've barfed yourself inside-out, you're still drunk as hell.

MYTH #2 - BEER HELPS YOU COOL DOWN AFTER A WORKOUT

A dubious study from 2007 is still being passed around as "proof" that a pint of beer is as good as or better than a pint of water for rehydrating after exercise, based mainly on how the body needs the vitamins and carbohydrates beer provides, and that carbonated liquid is more effective at quenching thirst. While the "fizzy drinks make you less thirsty" claim is shaky at best, the idea that beer can replace useful nutrients better than an average sports drink is straight-up crazy. Even the cheapest generic Sports-Ade has fewer calories than the lightest of light beers, and given that beer is a diuretic (science-talk for "it makes you pee"), the hydration benefits are, like so many good things about beer, only a rental.

MYTH #3 - PRE-GAME WITH PAINKILLERS TO BEAT HANGOVERS

NO! No no no, don't gulp a few Tylenol or Advil or anything like that before you go out drinking. For one thing, it's not going to work, since the effective lifespan of over-the-counter painkillers is too short to cover hangovers the next morning. More importantly, combining acetaminophen (Tylepainkillers and drinking, hangover remedynol and generics) or ibuprofen (Advil and generics) with alcohol can seriously damage your liver. Acetaminophen can even hurt your guts the day after when you're eating Tylenol to fight your hangover. The healthiest way to get through a hangover is to stay hydrated and tough it out. You're the one who decided to float a keg, so now it's time to face the consequences of that decision.

MYTH #4 - THE LIGHTER THE COLOR, THE LIGHTER THE BEER

It seems logical: a pale-yellow beer that you can actually see through must be lighter in both flavor and calorie content than some sinister black brew like Guinness or Murphy's. Actually, the color and transparency of a given beer really only corresponds to its malt content and flavor, while the "body" and health impact of a beer is usually tied to its alcohol by volume. In fact, most of those dark-and-spooky stouts and porters rarely exceed 5.5% ABV, while many of the most hops-crazed high-gravity IPAs look as pure as yellow snow.

MYTH #5 - THE DARKER THE HOOCH, THE HEALTHIER IT IS

It's a rough rule of thumb that darker-colored wines and beers usually contain more antioxidants than their lighter cousins, but many drinkers have taken that to mean that any "dark" alcohol like whiskey is healthier than "light" alcohol like gin. When it comes to the high-test stuff, that's just not true. Dark liquor may have more antioxidants, but it also contains more congeners, the occasionally toxic byproducts of the fermentation process that (if we're choosing the least worst thing these chemicals can do to you) make hangovers longer and more painful.

MYTH #6 - ENERGY BOOZE GETS YOU DRUNKER

The belief that mixing energy drinks with alcohol gets you plastered faster is so prevalent that it was one of the arguments for banning the high-ABV strain of Four Loko that many of us would remember fondly if high-ABV Four Loko had not damaged the memory center of our brains. The truth is tFour Lokohat the stimulant in your energy drink counteracts the natural sedative action of alcohol. That sleepy feeling you get after a few rounds is a cue for most people to slow down their drinking, but energy drinks allow you to ignore that signal and keep pounding shots. In reality, you're getting as drunk as you were without the fizzy sugar water, but you aren't likely to notice it until you're messed up enough to overcome the caffeine in your system and/or vomit on a cop.

MYTH #7 - OLDER WINE = BETTER WINE

If you're hanging on to that $6 bottle of Zinfandel hoping that it turns into mystical ambrosia, you're in for a disappointment. Obviously, age plays a huge part in wine if only for how it changes sour grape juice into something awesome, but age is not and should not be its defining characteristic. Almost all wines are meant to be consumed inside a few years of their production, and the ones that really are meant to age require the sort of upkeep (wine cellars, special refrigeration, snooty butlers) that are outside most people's price range.

MYTH #8 - WINE TASTING IS AN EXACT SCIENCE

Worried that the bottle of Chilean Malbec you picked up at the Kwik-Mart isn't going to make the grade at Lord Digby-Vane-Trumpington III's yacht party? Just slap a fancy fake label on there and pretend you had to mortgage your house to buy it, because double-blind taste tests using professional judges have repeatedly shown that the elite world of wine tasting is a bunch of bull. For example, a 2001 study by French wine research institute (because of course there's a French wine research institute) Académie Amorim presented wine tasters with two glasses of the same white wine, only with one made "red" with food coloring. None of the judges realized the two drinks were from the same bottle, and described the "red" and "white" in completely different terms. The moral? Good wine is good wine, regardless of cost or pedigree.

MYTH #9 - FOOD KILLS HANGOVERS
food hangover remedy, drinking myths
It's true that a big meal before heavy drinking will help keep you from becoming as drunk as you might otherwise get, because a full stomach will slow down the absorption of alcohol. Also, people with higher overall body fat can generally drink more than others before feeling drunk. However, if you've come back from an evening of debauchery and you're hoping that scarfing half a pizza from the fridge will soak up all that Jaegermeister, you're out of luck. As stated above, most of the alcohol you've drank has already been absorbed into your system, and piling a bunch of food on top of that is probably just going to make it worse.

MYTH #10 - CAFFEINE/SHOWERS/ANYTHING WILL SOBER YOU UP

Face it--if you're drunk, you're drunk. The alcohol is in your system and it's up to your poor overworked liver to process it, get rid of it, and get you back to being a functional human being. Cold showers or black coffee will make you feel like you're sober, but only in the same way that energy drinks prevent you from realizing that you're drunk. No matter how alert you think you are, you're still dealing with all the physical effects of too much alcohol. If you're still tipsy after a night's sleep, don't endanger yourself or others by trying to do anything you need to be clear-headed to do properly. Give yourself the time to sober up properly, and maybe consider not getting so tore up in the future.

 

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16 of the Greatest Haunted House Movies You Haven't Seen

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Nothing keeps you up at bedtime quite like a movie about a haunted house, especially if you watch it at home...by yourself...at night. You start hearing little sounds you'd never noticed before and seeing shadows move where there shouldn't be anything moving. If you enjoy sleepless nights, here are 16 of the best haunted house movies you probably haven't seen. Enjoy!


1. The Babadook
"The Babadook" has been getting rave reviews at festivals, and rightfully so. It's original, terrifyingly entertaining, and will make you check under your bed every night, just to be safe. The best part is that it's a really good movie and not just a really good horror movie. (Photo credit: IFC Films/Photofest)

2. Lake Mungo
This is how you do a faux-documentary. The entire film feels so genuine and real as we watch a family process the death of a young girl. The more the pieces unfold, the more fascinating the entire thing becomes. It's a must see for any horror fan.

3. The Pact
The general consensus in horror movies is that, if you return to your childhood home and you did anything bad in your past, there's going to be ghosts or demons there to force you to deal with your mistakes. "The Pact" is no different and may not be the best horror movie you've ever seen, but it's definitely enjoyable.

4. The Baby's Room
This was part of the "Films to Keep You Awake series" back in 2006 and it's definitely the best of the batch. "The Baby's Room" follows a couple in Spain that moves into an old house, but soon discovers there are ghosts that can only be heard through the baby monitor. That may literally be every parent's nightmare.


5. Paranormal Activity 3
The worst way to see a "Paranormal Activity" movie is in the theater. It'll always be full of the most annoying people on earth who want to yell at the screen and try to scare their friends sitting next to them. "Paranormal Activity 2" wasn't what a lot of fans were hoping for, so they bailed on part 3. The thing is, it's actually a really effective movie with some great scares throughout. If you haven't seen it, now is a great time to check it out. (Photo credit: Paramount Pictures/Photofest)

6. The Haunting in Connecticut
I'm not sure how the sequel to "The Haunting in Connecticut" took place in another state, but that's another story. 2009 was flooded with ghost stories and horror films, and this one definitely slipped through the cracks for a lot of fans. It didn't get rave reviews, but it's actually pretty good. The lesson you'll take away is to never buy a house that's suspiciously affordable because it probably used to be a haunted funeral home.

7. The Possession of Michael King
What happens when you try to prove demons are fake after the death of your wife by summoning all of them at once? Very terrible things, that's what. Michael King is definitely not getting the full value on his home after you see what happens to him through the film. It gets crazy.

8. The Orphanage
Guillermo del Toro and Juan Antonio Bayona put together one of the most heartbreaking and beautiful haunted house movies you'll ever see. It's not full of blood and guts, but will still stick with you for days after you finish watching it.


9. Evil Dead (2013)
I'm a huge fan of the original "Evil Dead" franchise, so I was terribly skeptical of a new film in the series. A lot of the fans are going to tell you that this one isn't good because it isn't fun and goofy like the old ones and it doesn't have Bruce Campbell in it. It's not trying to be either of those. It set out to be one of the most gruesome and terrifying movies you've ever experienced and, on that level, it succeeded at just that. (Photo credit: TriStar Pictures/Photofest)

10. House of the Devil
Ti West is becoming more of a household name all the time for horror fans, and rightfully so. If you aren't familiar with his work, "House of the Devil" is a great place to start. It's an homage to the 80s without being satirical and taking you out of the moment. The best part is that the characters are actually developed so you get more than just a bunch of cardboard cutouts systematically being murdered.

11. 1408
Most Stephen King movies have a hard time translating to the big screen. His books are fantastic, but there's always something lacking in the conversion. "1408" boasts a stellar cast and a story that's frightening, emotional, and just a lot of fun to watch. If you've been turned off by horror movies with big names in them, this one is worth checking out.

12. Monster House
If you've never seen "Monster House" then you're probably thinking it's some sort of mistake to put an animated kids movie on a list of scary movies worth checking out. If you've seen it, then you know exactly why it's on the list. Seriously, there are better horror elements in "Monster House" than there are in most scary movies aimed at adults. It's really terrific.


13. Oculus
When I saw a horror film being produced by WWE Studios, excitement was not the emotion I was feeling. Not only is "Oculus" the best film they've put out, it's one of the best horror movies of 2014. It's original and could easily become their first big franchise. (Photo credit: Relativity Media/Photofest)

14. House (1977)
"House" is silly and full of all the elements that have now become cliché, but it's definitely an overlooked classic. There are so many legendary horror films from the 70s and, while this one may not reach that elite level, it's definitely an enjoyable film for someone who appreciates the genre.

15. Silent House (2011)
I was a big fan of the "Silent House" American remake, but the original is definitely the better of the two. It may not be an over the top shock fest with monsters falling from the ceiling, but it creates an element of suspense that will keep you glued to the screen for the duration.

16. The Woman in Black (1989)
I wasn't a big fan of the Daniel Radcliffe remake, mainly because it didn't bring anything new to the story. The original version is a British, made for TV movie, and you can definitely tell. It just has that PBS feel to it. However, that doesn't stop it from being a fantastic story and genuinely creepy.

 

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Georgia Man Texts His Probation Officer Looking for Weed

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Some people are destined for greatness. Alvin Cross, Jr. is not one of those people. Well, unless he was actually trying to go back to prison. If that's the case, then he's a genius.
guy texts probation officer for weed
According to Gawker, Cross was arrested and sentenced to one year behind bars after he recently texted his probation officer in an effort to get his hands on some of the devil's lettuce.

Authorities said Cross sent his probation officer a text asking, "You have some weed?" That moment of pure stupidity led to a raid of Cross's residence by the officer and drug agents, which netted a bag of cocaine.

Cross pleaded guilty to possession of nose candy earlier this week and was sentenced to one year in prison, where he'll have an even harder time getting his hands on any wacky tobaccy.

If he was in Connecticut, he'd have trouble getting his hands on nudie mags as well: Connecticut Murderer Thinks Jail's Ban on Porn Isn't Fair

 

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