Ronda Rousey Needs a Real Man to Throw Around

February 23, 2015, 6:46 am

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Ronda Rousey, UFC's first and current Bantamweight champ, visited "Conan" to give the guys a taste of what she's after in a man. We'll give you a hint: She's not into pansies. If you want to get with this tough cookie, you're going to need a little confidence, a tall build and, most likely, Conan's gigantic red hair. Check out this clip of "Rowdy" Ronda Rousey to see what a sexy MMA woman looks like, which is basically a curvy, ferocious animal under a revealing pink dress.

 

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This Guy Has Figured Out A Tinder Pick-up Line That Works Every Time

February 23, 2015, 8:17 am

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It can be pretty hard out there on Tinder when you're trying to get a lady's number. But this man may have finally cracked the code. By creating a "future ex-wife application service," he managed to snag multiple numbers. More power to you, brother. (Although now that his lines are all over the Internet, I don't think it's going to work for that much longer.)











Via Imgur

 

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Follow the 12 Hottest Fitness Girls on Instagram

February 23, 2015, 9:49 am

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Vicky Pattison Is Nice Enough to Show Us Her New Awesome Cans

February 23, 2015, 6:50 am

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Vicky Pattison is doing her darnedest to make our lives a bit more enjoyable, as she has gone with Zoo Today to show off her new awesome boobs. That's right, boys, you saw it here first. The lovely British brunette from "Geordie Shore" isn't bashful when it comes to stripping down and showing off her latest enhancements. For more Vicky Pattison, just keep playing this video over and over again until your boss fires you.

 

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Obnoxiously Drunk Dad Cusses in Front of Kids at a Hockey Game (NSFW Language)

February 23, 2015, 6:05 pm

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Being spotted in the front row at a Goo Goo Dolls concert is pretty damn embarrassing, but it's nowhere near as bad as your daughter begging your drunk ass to settle down at a hockey tournament for six and seven-year-old kids.

According to the woman who posted the video to YouTube, this clown was "swigging a cup of liquor everyone around him could smell" while in the stands at a recent hockey tournament for kids. And while he had some rather choice words for a few fellas he claimed started the ruckus, the woman said he was not provoked "AT ALL" except for being asked to sit down and shut his yapper.


Police arrived at the rink a short while later and took him away in a cruiser, and we hope he had to spend a lot of time in a different kind of penalty box.

Hey, here's another idiot who procreated: Crazy Hockey Dad Shatters the Glass at His Daughter's Game

 

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Today's Funny Photos

February 23, 2015, 11:23 pm

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13 Interesting Fun Facts About the Entertainment Biz

February 24, 2015, 12:18 am

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With the Oscars in the rear-view mirror, we can all stop caring about honors and awards and focus more on what really matters in the entertainment industry -- gossip and controversies. But before we get to that, it's also fun to learn some random trivia. The 13 fun facts below will get the job done.














And finally, here is a random bonus fun fact that is just important to keep in mind:

 

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A Simple Food Guide for Guys Dating Vegans

February 24, 2015, 12:52 am

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The question remains: can vegans and carnivores ever truly coexist? If you're a meat-loving animal eater and you're dating a food-sensitive vegan, it might be wearing you thin after several meals together, and now your food time is practically segregated. However, understanding your differences is half the battle, and our simple food guide below will help a man like you learn the basics of the vegan lifestyle to overcome the dietary hurdles of your vegan loved ones. This is not to say all vegans are healthy, but they're definitely eating off a different menu.

You: Eat bacon and eggs for breakfast.
Vegans: Eat oatmeal with fresh organic fruit (berries and bananas mostly).

While many love the delicious taste and aroma of a fresh plate of bacon and eggs, a bowl of oatmeal and fresh fruit creates the same excitement for vegans. Not that vegan bacon doesn't exist, but most will agree that it's worse than the food served in prison. Apparently the trick to good vegan bacon is buckwheat and beans, but that doesn't sound much better.

You: Eat steak for iron.
Vegans: Eat dried beans, hummus & leafy greens for iron (and kale, watermelon & chickpeas, too).
If you're anemic, many people think the only cure is a juicy steak, but in actuality you can get iron from fresh meatless foods, too. Dried beans are one of the big helpers, making hummus both a snack and iron-serving delight. Dark leafy greens do a number of things for the body and adding iron is just one of them.

You: Eat chicken for protein
Vegans: Eat peanut butter, almonds, quinoa and spinach for most of their protein.
Chicken is a solid source of protein, but anyone who gets a little queasy at the sight of raw chicken might better enjoy spinach and quinoa in a bowl of fresh veggies. Fun trick to any quinoa bowl: add fresh avocado and mango. Nuts are good sources of protein too, so almonds and almond butter, peanuts and peanut butter are right up there as well.

You: Eat fish for essential fatty acids.
Vegans: Eat tofu, flaxseed and walnuts for essential fatty acids.

All those numbered omega fatty acids are essential, and you don't have to catch a fish to get them. Besides the fact that overfishing is haunting our planet, you can get that fatty goodness from flaxseed and its oil, as well as tofu and walnuts. Notice how vegans have several options when it comes to supplementing their nutrients.

You: Put sugar in your coffee, honey in your tea.
Vegans: Put pure maple syrup or Stevia in their drinks.
Most of the world's sugar comes from sugar cane, which is whitened using charcoal from cow bones. And honey comes from bees so that's a no-no. Beet sugar is a better source of unrefined sugar. Words like "beet," "raw" and "USDA organic" are words to look for to please a vegan and avoid the cow bone powder in your sugar.

You: Pound a tub of Rocky Road ice cream.
Vegans: Enjoy a light helping of non-dairy ice cream (with nuts and berries, perhaps).
Dairy comes from cows. Ice cream is dairy. Ipso facto, ice cream is not vegan friendly. But the good news is that dairy-free ice cream is both light and delicious, especially when made with coconut, so you can enjoy more of it.

You: Buy jelly.
Vegans: Buy jam.

Typically, jelly is not vegan friendly as it contains gelatin, which comes from beef bones, pork skin and hides. But preserves, or jams, are all-natural that have pectin and sugar added, both of which can be vegan friendly all natural additives to the preserved fruit.

You: Eat cheese by the brick (and order extra on your pizza).
Vegans: Eat avocados by the truckload (and order cheese-free pizza).
You know a vegan, or even a vegetarian, they're just sucking down avocados all day. Although they're high in calories, they make a great guacamole dip, whereas cheese and cheese dip fall under the "no dairy" rule.

You: Cook with butter
Vegans: Cook with coconut oil, extra virgin olive oil or veggie broth.
Again with the no dairy, the extra virgin olive oils just make food healthier and even taste better. Never tried coconut oil? It'll make any dish taste like a dream, although many try to be moderate with it since it's high in cholesterol.

You: Put milk in your cereal.
Vegans: Put soy milk or almond milk in cereal.

You might think milk is the only way to enjoy a bowl of cereal, but almond milk is one of life's great delicacies. And the best part about it is that you can make it yourself without jerking the udder of a poor, defenseless cow. Okay, maybe that's not the best part, but they're delicious and they come sweetened and unsweetened and sometimes in vanilla and chocolate flavors, too.

You: Order chicken noodle soup.
Vegans: Order lentil soup.
Chicken noodle soup may have been a classic staple in your younger years, but don't knock a good lentil soup, as it's one of the best sources of protein, aids in digestion (especially if you're diabetic) and helps with weight loss. There's also a wondrous variety of lentil to choose from.

You: Eat potato chips as a snack
Vegans: Eat kale chips and edamame as a snack.
If you're tired of greasy fingers, a good fresh kale chip might be your guide. Not only are they healthy, but they're easy and quick to make and they taste amazing. And you can pretty much eat as much as you want without worrying about getting tubby or staining your shirt in grease.

You: Dip everything in ranch.
Vegans: Dip everything in guacamole.

Yes, ranch tastes amazing, but nothing holds a candle to a great guacamole dip. Packed with fresh avocado, tomato, garlic and other fresh goodies, you can have a bowl without feeling like a glutton. Plus, ranch is one of the most unhealthy things to put on your food, however great it may taste to you. And you can have a little fun with your guac by making it spicy with a little cayenne or jalapeño, too.

You: Order white bread.
Vegans: Order rice.
The white versus wheat isn't such a debate for vegans, as not all vegans are necessarily healthy, but many vegans do go for whole grains. However, many breads have eggs in them, so vegans tend to put their food on a plate of rice instead of a starchy loaf.

You: Don't look at the menu before you go to the restaurant.
Vegans: Do.
A lot of stress can be avoided if you hop on your phone or computer to make sure that restaurants carry a large enough selection of foods that your vegan counterpart can enjoy. If that's not the case, keep looking or save the bad spots for a dirty night out with your meat lover friends. Otherwise you really might end up eating in the bathroom.

 

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A Naughty Gallery of Highly Inappropriate Trees

February 24, 2015, 1:33 am

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Trees may provide us with the precious oxygen we need to live, but beyond that, they are filthy perverts and we don't care what anyone says. Case in point: the following photos of trees at their worst. From indecent exposure to lewd sex acts in public, there is nothing these degenerate wooden giants won't do, regardless of anyone being around to hear them. You've been warned. (h/t TreesSuckingAtThings)

 

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12 Signs You're Drunk (When You Don't Realize You're Actually Drunk)

February 24, 2015, 2:52 am

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Have you ever looked around the room and suddenly had the shocking revelation that you're actually drunk but didn't realize it? Some choose to accept their fates and embrace their drunkenness, but others will refuse to admit it until they wake up spooning with a vomit-laced toilet. To help you in your alcohol-soaked adventures, here are 12 signs to be on the lookout for to know when you've hit that sneaky little drunken level.

1. You suddenly understand why rappers make it rain.

For some reason the first thing you stop worrying about is money. You'll buy shots for people you barely know, as long as they drink it with you. Your drink order usually starts with you scanning the cheap bottles then declaring, "You know what..." and ordering a ridiculously overpriced drink because "you work hard and you deserve it!"

2. The burrito you just paid $2 for is the most delicious thing you've ever tasted.

Whatever diet you thought you were on is no longer a priority in your life. Usually this meal takes place while squatting on the sidewalk in front of a food truck that barely passed health inspections. Even if there are things in it that you always pick off, it doesn't matter on this night because right now the only thing that matter in this world is this burrito traveling down to your stomach.

3. There is no such thing as a plain order of fries anymore.

A nice, convenient snack when you're drinking is an order of fries. But suddenly you don't want a simple order of fries. Not when there are additional toppings you can bring into the equation. You start with cheese, then bring in some chili, a little sour cream, bacon, jalapenos, and eventually your simple plate of fries has turned into a $27 bucket of carnival foods with a potato lining on the bottom.

4. You start having really strong opinions on things that you've never cared about in your life.

Even if you aren't being argumentative, you feel the need to contribute to every conversation despite knowing nothing about the topic. The problem is that halfway through your speech you completely forget what you're talking about and just start staring out the window. Usually it ends with, "Look, you know what I'm saying." No one knows what you're saying.

5. You look down at your phone and realize you just sent texts, but don't recall sending them.

If you suddenly feel the need to text your college roommate you haven't spoken to in 8 years just to say hey, it's time to admit you're a little more than tipsy. You think you're playing it cool and sending coherent, sensible texts, but in reality you just sent, "Haaar peach man?" to Cheryl in accounting at 3:30am.

6. You just realized you love Pitbull's music.

Even if you're the biggest music snob in the world, you'll suddenly develop a devoted and untamed passion for terrible music as long as it's playing loudly. You feel the need to tell everyone that, "this is my jam!" They'll tell you that they know because you've already said that six times, but you'll forget and scream it in their faces a few more times before it's over.

7. You start every sentence by saying, "Listen, listen, listen, for real, listen, OK seriously, listen."

No one else is speaking, but once you've given yourself the platform you keep thinking of YouTube videos people have sent you and you keep interrupting yourself with short outburst of laughter. Instead of acknowledging it, you try to compose yourself and insist to everyone that you're now focused. In reality, you've wandered so far from the point you were trying to make that you might as well just show them the cat video you're laughing at then sit back down and eat your fries.

8. Suddenly, not a female in the room is out of your league.

Maybe you're a shy guy that normally doesn't feel comfortable approaching women in a bar or club. That is no longer a concern for you. It doesn't matter if she's still wearing her wedding dress and slow dancing with her new husband, you feel like you definitely have a shot. You can barely make eye contact with these women and your words are mostly replaced with shrugs and nods. If they do shoot you down your exit is usually made by moonwalking back to your table.

9. Normally you don't dance, but you just realized you're the greatest dancer that ever lived.

You have no regard to the fact that your cardio is terrible and your body is going to be sore for the next three days, you're going to attempt the worm. You think everyone is gathered around because you're nailing every move, but they're just waiting for the inevitable fall/vomit so they can put it on the internet.

10. You start planning elaborate and intimate trips or events with casual acquaintances.

Your co-worker brought her new boyfriend, who you've never met and will probably never see again, but by the time the night is over you've realized this guy really gets you so you've planned spending the holidays together, going on a road trip and attending an outdoor music festival, then starting a small business with him on the side. Your catch phrase will become, "This is the best idea ever!"

11. You've misplaced something that would normally be very difficult to lose.

It's easy to forget a scarf or maybe a hat, but somehow you're wandering from booth to booth casually asking strangers if they happen to have seen your socks. How did you misplace your socks, but you're still wearing shoes? Unfortunately, this mystery will probably never be solved.

12. You suddenly realize how much you love everyone in the room and really feel the need to let them know.

In addition to the 36 times you stopped everyone's conversation to let them know how much they mean to you and how much you love them, you'll also pull each person aside to individually tell them how much you treasure their friendship. You'll probably say something really offensive without realizing it in the process of declaring your love. Something like, "I don't care if you always have breath that smells like an open sewer, you're my friend and I don't judge you." This is when another friend will step in with a glass of water and insist you drink it. When they start bringing you water, that's the final sign that you've gone far enough. Your drinking is done and you'll probably be sending a few apology texts in the morning.

 

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The Legs Of Fox News Quiz

February 24, 2015, 4:48 am

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Fox News prides itself on fair and balanced reporting. It just so happens that news comes from reporters balanced on incredibly tiny stools in incredibly tiny skirts. Are they the highest rated news station because of their award-winning journalism or because of their award-winning shot framing? To find out whether you are actually listening to the news or just another pervert out on the prowl, let's test your knowledge of Fox reporters and anchors based on just their legs. (The more you guess correctly, the more shame you should feel.)

1.

Hint: Most popular female anchor on Fox News.

2.

Hint: She won Miss New York USA in 2013 and is a panelist on Fox News' funniest show.

3.

Hint: Currently a co-host on "The Five."

4.

Hint: Anchor of America's News Headquarters, of Colombian descent.

5.

Hint: Cohost of "Fox & Friends."

6.

Hint: Anchor of "Fox Report" and co-host of "Outnumbered."

7.

Hint: Of Filipina descent. Rebellious conservative blogger. Contributor to Fox News.

8.

Hint: News anchor of "Fox & Friends."


9.

Hint: Won the title of Miss Virginia in 1990 and is currently a Fox News journalist and anchor.


10.

Hint: Meteorologist. Born in Nicaragua.

11.

Hint: Ex-college track star. Reporter for Fox Business and co-host of "Outnumbered."

12.

Hint: Left "The View" in 2013 to join Fox.

13.

Hint: The most veteran anchor on this list.



Answer Key:

1. Megyn Kelly


2. Joanne Nosuchinsky


3. Andrea Tantaros


4. Julie Banderas


5. Ainsley Earhardt


6. Harris Faulkner


7. Michelle Malkin


8. Heather Nauert


9. Shannon Bream


10. Maria Molina


11. Sandra Smith


12. Elisabeth Hasselbeck


13. Bill O'Reilly

 

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Police Officer Busted Dancing With Naked Woman at Station

February 24, 2015, 5:13 am

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(Warning: Slightly NSFW photo below.)

Now we know why so many boys in Paraguay want to be cops when they grow up.

According to The LAD Bible, a photo of an officer dancing with a naked woman on a desk at the police station in Pedro Juan Caballero, Paraguay has sparked a huge investigation into whether or not orgies and "much worse" are taking place inside the station's doors.

The officer responsible for the picture said he leaked it to the national newspaper Chronica because he was sick of what was going down at the cop shop and claimed he had seen orgies, prostitutes, strippers and worse.

Officials within the police department said they plan on quizzing other officers to see if this was an isolated incident or just one of many instances of inappropriate behavior while on the job. Either way, we're sure they'll find that most of their officers will be more than willing to put in overtime at the station if necessary:


It looks like cops in Spokane are also having a great time at work. Well, at least they were: Spokane Police Sent Memo Reminding Them to Not Have Sex While on Duty

 

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Florida Man Tries to Pay Bar Tab With Rock Then Threatens to Blow Up the Place

February 24, 2015, 6:09 am

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Actually, depending on the minerals that made up that rock, it might have necessitated change back.

According to Huffington Post, a 24-year-old man was arrested and charged with making bomb threats and a weapon of mass destruction hoax last week after he walked into a Tallahassee bar and threatened to blow up the joint with a briefcase bomb.


Police said Jared Simpson rung up a $10 tab at the 4th Quarter Bar & Grille last Wednesday and attempted to pay for it with a rock. When the bartender informed him that she could not accept the stone as a form of payment, Simpson allegedly threw a ripped-up dollar bill at her and said he would "pay her in other ways."

Simpson briefly left the bar before returning with a credit card that didn't work. He then left and returned a short while later wearing a gray suit and carrying a briefcase that he said would kill anybody who went near it.

Simpson then bolted across the street, and the bar was evacuated. When police caught up with Simpson, he said the briefcase contained "maybe a bomb or a baby." He then started singing a song about being the "rainbow man" and told police he was his own master and only answered to himself.

Maybe it's just us, but we expected a guy who called himself the "rainbow man" to be way less of a dick.

This dude tried to burn down a bar after slamming ten Jager shots: Florida Man Starts Bar Fire and Punches Old Man After Downing Ten Jager Shots

 

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Emily Sears Returns To Tantalize Again

February 24, 2015, 8:26 pm

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Today's Funny Photos

February 24, 2015, 11:32 pm

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11 Famous Recurring Film Locations

February 25, 2015, 12:52 am

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If you've ever wondered why a certain spot in a movie you're watching for the first time looks so familiar, it's probably because it has been used a few dozen times in other films you love. It should come as no surprise that Hollywood might recycle its finite resources and reuse iconic locations for a lot of different films. Here are 11 of the most famous recurring film settings.

Quality Cafe (Downtown Los Angeles, CA)

A small cafe in Los Angeles, this location is the setting for countless diner scenes in both film and television. Heart-to-hearts and break-ups happened in films like "500 Days of Summer," "Million Dollar Baby" and "Training Day," as well as hilarious banter in "Old School" and "Mr. & Mrs. Smith," along with a great scene from "Se7en." Quality Cafe is also a popular spot for television shoots on shows like "Mad Men" and "CSI."

Biltmore Hotel (Downtown Los Angeles, CA)

Now called the Millennium Biltmore Hotel, this popular location is one of the most famous hotels in the world, not just for its looks but its 100 plus film credits, including the classic scene from "Ghostbusters" when the boys in beige go on their first call, along with the long walk up the stairwell at the end of the film. It's also the setting of the striptease scene from "True Lies" with Jamie Lee Curtis, the part-time waiter scene with Brad Pitt's Tyler Durden in "Fight Club" and the classic Eddie Murphy scene from "Beverly Hills Cop." Other films include "Ocean's Eleven," "The Bodyguard," "Wedding Crashers," "Cruel Intentions," "Spider-Man" and "Independence Day."

Greystone Mansion (Beverly Hills, CA)

Its checkered floors are hard to miss when they show up in big room scenes in more than 100 filming credits. It's a popular room in superhero films like "X-Men," "Batman & Robin" and the "Spider-Man" trilogy. The hallway of the mansion was popular in "The Big Lewbowski" and the ending of "There Will Be Blood." Bill Murray has seen some action in these halls as well, with popular scenes out of both "Ghostbusters II" where he meets the mayor and in Ivan Reitman's "Stripes." Other popular films include "The Bodyguard," "The Social Network" and "The Prestige."

Monument Valley (Utah State Line)

A popular setting in westerns and other classics, Monument Valley is located near Four Corners where the four southwest states meet, the Utah and Arizona state line running right through it. The first film to come out of this location dates back to 1939 when John Ford shot westerns like "Stagecoach" and again in "The Searchers." Dennis Hopper and Peter Fonda journeyed through it in "Easy Rider," along with Robert Zemeckis' "Forrest Gump" and Clint Eastwood's "Eiger Sanction" in 1975. Other big films include Stanley Kubrick's "2001: A Space Odyssey," Harold Ramis' "National Lampoon's Vacation," "Back to the Future III," "Thelma and Louise" and the opening scene of "Mission: Impossible II" in which Tom Cruise scales the mountain. Most recently it was used in "Lone Ranger," "A Million Ways to Die in the West" and "Transformers: Age of Extinction" -- all in the last two years.

Hatfield House (Hatfield, England)

Built in 1611 and boasting more than 30 film credits, this house was the childhood home of Queen Elizabeth I and has been a popular room for the likes of fictional superheroes, wealthy businessmen and powerful women in film. Tim Burton used this location for both his Batman films and a scene from "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory." In addition, the Hatfield House was used for Christopher Nolan's "Batman Begins" and "Sherlock Holmes" with Robert Downey Jr. along with Angelina Jolie's "Lara Croft: Tomb Raider" and Tilda Swinton's "Orlando."

Vasquez Rocks (Sierra Pelona Mountains, Los Angeles, CA)

The slanted rock formation is a popular site for desert scenes and sci-fi films, including early "Star Trek" shoots to the present day J.J. Abrams reboot and even the animated Trekkie episode of "The Simpsons." Other TV credits include "Bones," "New Girl" and even "Friends." The location dates back to "Blazing Saddles" in 1974 and was also the location for James Franco's arm-cutting "127 Hours."

Bradbury Building (Downtown Los Angeles, CA)

Built in 1893, this building has some famous stairs used in science fiction and action movies, the most noteworthy being "Blade Runner," "Lethal Weapon 4" and "Terminator," as well as popular scenes from "The Artist," "Pay It Forward" and "500 Days of Summer." It was also a popular TV setting for shows like "Quantum Leap," "Star Trek" and "CSI."

Griffith Observatory (Los Angeles, CA)

In the movie business since 1935, the Los Angeles monument has been a popular sci-fi scene for decades beginning with "The Phantom Empire" all the way up to Michael Bay's "Transformers." It has quick scenes in Jim Carrey's "Yes Man," "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" and "500 Days of Summer" and big scenes in "Rebel Without a Cause" and "Back to the Future II" where Marty get chased by the car in the Mount Hollywood tunnel underneath the observatory.

Courthouse Square (Universal City, CA)

Another popular setting is on Universal's backlot, which has been used since 1949. The famous clock tower scene from "Back to the Future" was shot here, along with other scenes from "Gremlin," "Bruce Almighty," "Batman & Robin" and "Escape from L.A." The courthouse serves as an often recurring location for television as well, including a long stint with "The Incredible Hulk" and the pilot episode of "The Twilight Zone," not to mention "Magnum P.I."

650 Spring Street (Downtown Los Angeles, CA)

Formerly a Bank of America in downtown Los Angeles, 650 Spring Street is now the popular location for a majority of bank scenes in film and television. Michael Caine and Morgan Freeman have been in a few movies in the bank, including "The Dark Knight Rises," "The Prestige" and "Se7en." It's the same bank setting Patrick Swayze goes into in "Ghost" and Jim Carrey works in for "The Mask." It's also the bank where Johnny Depp loses all his money in "Blow" and Doctor Octopus invades in "Spider-Man 2."

Old Royal Navy College (London, England)

Opened in 1694, the naval academy has been a majestic setting for royalty and eloquence, making its way into movies like "The King's Speech," where it doubled as Buckingham Palace, and in "Sherlock Holmes: Game of Shadows." You may also recognize it in the opening scenes from "Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides." Recently, it was the setting of the cafe at the end of "The Dark Knight Rises" and can be seen in the 2012 film "Thor: Dark World" and the "Les Miserables" adaptation.

 

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The 12 Strangest Celebrity Endorsement Deals

February 25, 2015, 1:11 am

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We're used to seeing celebrities endorse products, from cologne (Antonio Banderas) to grills (George Foreman). When the products fit the celebrities' personal brand, like Florence Henderson for Polident or Jennifer Aniston for SmartWater, it makes sense and it works. But then there are the head-scratchers. All we can think is that these celebrities must've gotten paid to rep these products. A lot.

Hulk Hogan - Pastamania

This one may be an oldie, but it's a goodie. In 1995, Hulk Hogan opened a restaurant in the Mall of America in Minnesota named, what else, Hulk Hogan's Pastamania. The restaurant was only in operation for over a year and had dishes like "Hulk-U's" and "Hulk-A-Roos." Sounds delicious, right brother?

Ozzy Osbourne - I Can't Believe It's Not Butter

In 2011, everyone's favorite old rocker turned reality TV star Ozzy Osbourne appeared in a commercial with celebrity impersonator Jon Culshaw. Get it? Ozzy couldn't tell the difference between real butter and the artificial kind, and we weren't supposed to be able to tell the difference between Ozzy and his impersonator. Oh, Ozzy. He's definitely come a long way from biting off a bat's head.

Nelly - Pimp Juice

We don't know what Nelly was thinking when he endorsed this energy drink introduced in 2003 called Pimp Juice. Sure, it was inspired by his song of the same name and was marketed as "Hip-Hop's #1 Energy Drink," but it garnered a ton of (well-earned) controversy. Apparently, it's still sold in Australia, and there's even been two follow-up drinks: PJ Tight and PJ Purple Label. So maybe congrats are in order?

Penelope Cruz - Nintendo

We kinda love this commercial with Spanish hottie Penelope Cruz, but we're confused at the same time. In 2012, she and her sister starred in a commercial for the New Super Mario Bros. 2. In it, Penelope plays Mario Bros, and after losing the game (and a bet), Penelope goes to a grocery store dressed up like the game's iconic Mario. She still looks good no matter the outfit, though.

Sylvester Stallone - High-Protein Pudding

It's not strange that Sylvester Stallone, the ageless Rocky/Rambo/Italian Stallion, would capitalize on his fame for being in-shape by promoting a high-protein product. What's strange is that he chose pudding as the delivery device. Pudding! Would you want to chug pudding after a work-out? Probably not. Maybe that's one of the reasons the product is now discontinued.

Bill Wyman - Metal Detectors

Bill Wyman is famous for playing bass for The Rolling Stones. Can you imagine the stories he could tell? So, how does he parlay his fame? With a line of vodka? Maybe condoms? No, Bill Wyman went all-in with a metal detector. We're not joking. Turns out Bill is fascinated by history and archaeology and he combined his passion into one of the strangest celebrity endorsement products ever.

Carlos Santana - Women's Shoes

Carlos Santana is known for a lot of things: his awesome guitar skills, winning a number of Grammy Awards, and his sold-out shows. But he's become quite the entrepreneur. On his website he sells branded tequila and even Supernatural Salsa. Those items we understand; we'd love some of his tequila and salsa. What doesn't makes sense, though, are his line of ladies' shoes that he launched in 2005. They're still available all these years later, so it must be a success.

Bret Michaels - Pets Rock Pet Toys

Bret Michaels of Poison-fame-turned-reality-dating-TV-star went a different route with his product endorsements. It's yet another example where we thought his brand would be put to an edgier product, but he turned to pets instead. As the ad for his products state, "Bret Michaels' love for pets is even louder than his amplifiers" and the tagline "Pets rock!" Wow. We love pets though, so we'll throw Bret a bone: they're available at PetSmart.

KISS - KISS Kasket

If you're going to go over-the-top, then there's no other band that does it better than KISS. From the make-up and Gene Simmons' lizard tongue, to the spectacle of their live shows, KISS never backs down. So, in 2001 the band introduced the Kiss Kasket, a real casket decorated with Kiss pics. Gene Simmons said, "I love livin', but this makes the alternative look pretty damn good." It was (unsurprisingly) discontinued in 2008. However, as of 2011, a second-generation model was available on the Kiss website. Doesn't look like it's there now, though.

Tico Torres - Rock Star Baby

This is either a stroke of brilliance or the world's gone crazy. Bon Jovi drummer Tico Torres felt that there was one segment of the population missing out on the rock star lifestyle. You guessed it: babies. So he created his own baby fashion line. Now your rug-walker can make you feel like a douche (or a cool dad, depending on your point of view) with skull and gothic graphics. As Tico says, "Every baby is considered a Star." Yep, available here.

Method Man - Sour Patch Kids

For one to grow on, we present Method Man for Sour Patch Kids. Appearing in 2011, the rapper starred in a video where he rapped about candy that exists only to make your life a nightmare. Hip-hop met gummy bears, and it's a trip. Seriously. As for making the video, Method Man said, "I was apprehensive because you think candy, you think kids, but they reassured me they would give me total freedom." Well, they sure did.

Brad Pitt - Chanel No. 5

What's so strange about an actor pushing 50 becoming the spokesman for a famous women's perfume? Everything. Even Pitt himself thought that mockery and parodies of his notoriously strange commercials for Chanel's signature fragrance were "fair game," and we couldn't agree more. The goal was to use Pitt to offer "the perspective of a man on the most feminine fragrance of all time," but all it did was weird everyone out.

 

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14 Mind-Blowing Facts About America

February 25, 2015, 1:19 am

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We all know and can agree that the United States of America is the greatest country of all time and has never done anything wrong. I'm pretty sure they teach that in history classes worldwide. There are other astounding facts about America that aren't taught in schools, though, but fortunately we have Reddit for that. Here are 14 crazy factoids about the U.S. that you should add to your brain's trivia vault.

 

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The 10 Biggest Scam Products of All Time

February 25, 2015, 2:50 am

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These "entrepreneurs" have gigantic balls. It takes a sack of monumental proportions to convince the masses your product is genius, when in fact, it's shit. But it's pretty easy for people to lose themselves in the lucrativeness of painting a pretty picture of an ugly brainchild. These are the biggest scams ever perpetrated by man.

1. Bling H2O

Price: $38.98
Industry: Water
Review: Nothing signifies "culture of excess" like a bottle of water called "Bling" with "crystals" on the glass retailing for $40. Hyped by the MTV Video Music Awards and The Emmy's, its target consumer appears to be one who would spend hunger-solving money on frivolities such as dubs and iced-out grills.

I sincerely hope the person behind Bling H2O had to sell his Armadale stock and chrome gauntlets to keep this dishonest dung afloat. And yes, I'm a hater. Hate me.

2. Harmony Chip

Price: $197
Industry: Crystal Healing
Review: My dog died the other day and I've been chronically ill with a fever. Thankfully I bought the Harmony Chip and my dog came back to life and my fever went away.

Yep, the Harmony Chip is a bonafide cure-all. According to their website, it alleviates aches and pains, cures high blood pressure, and can even fix your car. Is your cell phone experiencing "electro-smog"? Just apply the Harmony Chip to it and electro-smog-be-gone!

Hiding behind the vague and frankly magical concept of quantum mechanics, the Harmony Chip harnesses powers unbeknownst to man. As it states on the packaging, "Never remove the plastic foil," or life may cease to exist, lowering the drapes of a simulated reality a la "The Matrix." Or it could just be some plastic.

Pay $197 to be immortal.

3. HeadOn

Price: $5.24
Industry: Placebo
Review: 'Twas a product claiming to cure the common headache, backed by a commercial that ran for consecutive months between 2006 and 2007. But alas, it was just wax in a tube.

Serving as a fine example of the marketing technique of repeating a lie big enough many times without shame or cessation, HeadOn ended up nothing more than a homeopathic (read: bullshit) product for the gullible masses. "Apply directly to the forehead!"

4. Power Balance Bracelets

Price: $22.66
Industry: Juju
Review: Seizing the power of holographic technology to make you jump higher, swim faster, and evade the authorities better than ever before, the Power Balance bracelet was exposed and consequently admitted as a scam, personally by its Australian director in 2010:

"In our advertising we stated that Power Balance wristbands improved your strength, balance and flexibility. We admit that there is no credible scientific evidence that supports our claims and therefore we engaged in misleading conduct in breach of s52 of the Trade Practices Act 1974. If you feel you have been misled by our promotions, we wish to unreservedly apologize and offer a full refund."

The company filed Chapter 11 Bankruptcy and settled on a $57 million lawsuit in 2011. Although blatantly obvious to the casual observer that Shaquille played worse in Boston than anywhere else in his career - failing to induce mystical wizardry in his veins - that didn't stop a sizable clientele from spending millions in hopes to be just like Mike.

5. Miss Cleo

Price: Call Cleo for Free (not really - they made over $1 billion)
Industry: Shamanism
Review: As a millennial, I viewed Miss Cleo as my surrogate Jamaican mother who told me everything would be OK so long as I emptied my soul for a nominal fee. But those home-wreckers at the Federal Trade Commission would indict my beloved mother from another brother with deceptive advertising, billing, and collection practices. Well, not Cleo personally, but her employer.

I still believe in Cleo, no matter what the naysayers say. Straight up.

6. Vector Marketing - Cutco Knives

Price: Pay for entry into a Ponzi
Industry: Exploiting Young People
Review: You answer a vague ad. They call you into an interview. You tell your parents you have one and it seems great. You're on top of the world. Then you enter a nondescript building in a barren part of town and feel a searing sensation in your tummy telling you to drive away. Fearing parental disappointment you enter anyway and attend a motivational speech by some guy who wants you to pay for your training, give them your friends' numbers, and read a shitload of testimonials (propaganda) bellowing from on high, "Cutco saves lives!"

More than 8,000 people search 'Vector Marketing scam' into Google every month. The business model: Luring young people and giving them a set of steak knives and telling them to sell it, often to relatives who feel bad for you and buy them to make you feel good. In the end, Vector Marketing preys on your desire to get a job, leaving you with less money because you paid for transportation and a pretty new suit.

Pro-tip: If you have no experience and someone wants to hire you, it's too good to be true, high schoolers.

7. An Amazing Nigerian Investment Opportunity!

Price: Your life's savings
Industry: Conning Grandma
Review: It is my kindly pleasure to write to you today, Mrs. Gertrude Smith. I am Prince Adetokunbo Birungi, hier to King Ekundayo. I must kindly have your bank account number, for my father-king was murdered by Congo rebels and I am in desperate situation, kindly please. I must hide money in your bank account. Like now. I shall deposit $500,000,000 at once and you shall reap 40 percent of money. Thank you kindly, and give me bank account number, kindly. Kindly reply. - Price Adetokuno, son of Ekundayo

8. Campus Textbooks

Price: 900 percent more than Amazon
Industry: Robbing Parents
Review: Has it ever occurred to universities that students won't by the books, thus adversely affecting their education?

9. Peter Popoff

Price: Your Soul
Industry: Faith Huckstering
Review: Lawdy lawd. I bought the Miracle Spring Water and dabbed it on my forehead, just like HeadOn, and my problems gone away. Seriously, if you're dumb enough to believe a packet of tap water will solve your problems, you're dumb enough to pay the $19 Popoff asks in return.

10. Paying for Porn

Price: $20 to $40 monthly
Industry: Boners
Review: When I was 14, I carried around the same nudie poker card for eight months. I considered her my girlfriend. Now, I'm pimping for free.

 

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A Clueless Guy's 15 Step Guide To Getting Dressed In The Morning

February 25, 2015, 4:47 am

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Getting ready in the morning can be such a pain in the ass. Not to mention, it really cuts into your sleep time. So, if you're like me and want to have more time to sleep in the morning without any of the "what should I wear to work today?" nonsense, just stick to these 15 steps. Trust me, I do this same exact thing every morning. It works wonders.

1. Scan your closet for any clean shirts.
Feel free to skip this step, as there will be no clean shirts.

2. Check dirty shirts in hamper for any without stains.
This is probably a lost cause, but it's always worth a shot.


3. Miraculously find a single shirt with no stains.
Play the lottery later because today seems to be your lucky day.

4. Give selected shirt the sniff test.
You know from past experiences that this is probably a bad idea.

5. Gag from the smell.
Told you.


6. Weigh the pros and cons between wearing a shirt that smells or a shirt with noticeable stains.
You can cover a stain with all sorts of awkward arm placements, but you won't be able to mask the funk of a shirt that's been sitting at the bottom of your hamper for 3 weeks, pal.

7. Decide "stains" is the way to go.

8. Choose between a shirt with a couple of coffee stains or one with some splashes of dinner from a few nights ago.
It's a tough call, but there's something incredibly unsophisticated about spaghetti sauce on your shirt, whereas coffee stains...well, that just screams go getter.


9. Realize you're probably just gonna spill coffee on yourself again and as long as you try to hit the same exact spots on the shirt, you should be good wearing that one.
You'll find that the day is much more enjoyable when you really don't care if you spill anything else on your shirt. It's like being a fucking toddler again.

10. Put the shirt on.

11. Realize you forgot to put deodorant on (and also probably could've skipped this step if you'd just gone with the smelly shirt).


12. Take the shirt off.
Now that your shirt's off again, you'll probably want to spend some extra time flexing your doughy body in the mirror. So make sure you plan for these extra few moments in advance.

13. Put deodorant on, followed by the shirt.
Please do it in this order exactly. Otherwise, The White Stripes won't just be your favorite band, it'll be your new nickname.

14. Pair your shirt choice with the same pair of pants you've worn every day for the past 3 weeks.
Isn't it amazing that pants never ever have to be washed ever?

15. Head to work where everyone is too busy caring about themselves to even notice you or your clothes.

 

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