Insane Woman Pulls McDonald's Worker Out Of Drive-Thru Window By Her Hair

August 31, 2015, 8:51 am

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We're not sure what was said between these two ladies that it escalated into one of them getting dragged out of the drive-thru window by her hair and smashing through the driver's side window of what looks like one bitchin' ride. However, unless it was over the million-dollar Boardwalk piece from McDonald's Monopoly game, then it's safe to say the driver kind of overreacted.

Then again, based on the fact that the woman is driving a vehicle without any paneling on the inside of her door, coming up with the four bucks for a Big Mac probably feels like she's trying to come up with a million dollars.


Just like the title of the video said, that was crazy. In fact, it was almost as crazy as filming the whole thing and then posting the evidence of the assault on YouTube.

h/t Barstool Sports

This guy "ain't playing" when it comes to BBQ and Sweet 'N Sour sauce: This Man Really, Really Wanted Some Extra McDonald's Chicken McNugget Sauce

 

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Cutoff Shorts Are Back And Thank God They Are

August 31, 2015, 6:32 pm

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Summer is ending, school is starting and chilly weather is on the horizon. We're not trying to bum you out, just reminding you to appreciate the warm days left and be grateful for the greatest gift this summer brought us -- the popular return of girls wearing really short jean cutoffs. From A-list celebrities to neighborhood honeys on the corner to hippie chicks at music festivals, the trend jumped back full-force from the '80s and early '90s and reminded everyone how sexy underbutt looks popping out of ripped denim. To help you forget about autumn responsibilities and live in the last moments of summer, here are 30 hot photos of girls in really short jean cutoffs.


Why do anything once, when you can do it twice?


All you need is denim.


Rihanna is cutoffs greatest champion.


She shares them intimately with her fans (where is that blond girl's hand going?)


She inspired Katy Perry to wear them.


See?


Cutoffs are so versatile. You can wear them just chilling at your pad...


Or at the beach ...


Or at a barbeque...


Or to bed...


Or dress them up...


Or dress them down, as Rihanna has done...


Punk rockers love cutoffs.


Selena Gomez love cutoffs.


Famous twins love cutoffs.


Skaters love cutoffs.


Even Beyonce loves them.


That girl's figure is so hourglass, you can tell the time.


Seeing stars.


The girl is great, but that van is where the really party is happening.


She's daydreaming and so are we.


Catch that phallic imagery?


Clearly a fake tan, but we couldn't care less.


Cutoffs are the new yoga shorts.


We'd followed her for blocks in the wrong direction.


The way she's straddling that park bench makes us wanna be homeless.


Stars and cheeks forever.


Those cutoffs would look great on the floor of my beach shanty.


Even video game characters look hot in cutoffs.


This photo was labeled "What not to wear" on Pinterest. I hate Pinterest.

 

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Today's Funny Photos

September 1, 2015, 12:01 am

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The Weirdest Mascots In Sports

September 1, 2015, 1:37 am

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Mascots have been in use since the early 1900s, when the Chicago Cubs brought a taxidermied bear to the field with them. In the intervening century, they've moved away from actual corpses and toward dudes in stuffy, bad-smelling costumes capering on the sidelines to draw fan attention and build morale. Some mascots are legendary - the Philly Phanatic, Mr. Met - while other are less so. In this piece, we'll travel the world of sports to spotlight the ten most insane mascots we've ever seen.

The Mean Machine

Often times, schools get inspiration from their local wildlife for a mascot. Camas, Washington, is in the middle of lumber country, but instead of picking a beaver or a bobcat, they went a little more literal. Meet the Camas Mean Machine, an anthropomorphic paper rolling device. The Georgia Pacific paper mill employed a huge percentage of the town's adults, so their kids obviously wanted to give back a little bit. The design of the costume is pretty amazing, and you'd think that an opposing mascot could get pretty viciously mangled if it got stuck in those rollers.

The Eutetic

Smaller colleges often have a little more leeway in picking a mascot, but perhaps someone should have reined in the St. Louis College of Pharmacy before they put the Eutetic out there. What the hell is a "eutetic," you might ask? Don't feel bad-so did we. As it turns out, it's a Latin term meaning the process of combining two solids to form a liquid. The name was adopted by the school in 1993 and they soon came up with a mascot for it, which for some reason is a shaggy yellow ogre in a lab coat.

Monty The Biscuit

It's tough to come up with a gimmick for a minor league baseball team when all the good names are taken. When Montgomery, Alabama, got their new team, the owners opened it up to local fans to come up with one. The final result was the Biscuits. The staple starch of Southern food is flaky and delicious, and the team's anthropomorphic biscuit Monty has an entire documentary about him. At games, he's often joined by a pot belly pig named Miss Gravy. Now that's a team up we can get behind.

The Billiken

Most of these mascots are obviously modeled on real-world creatures, but every once in a while you get a real curveball. Here's the St. Louis University Billiken, a white-faced elfin creature that doesn't look like anything. But in the early days of the 20th century, this little bastard was unavoidable. Created by an art teacher named Florence Pretz, the Billiken was a pop culture sensation, and when a student noticed the resemblance between it and football coach John Bender, it became linked to the college's athletic program.

Sammy The Banana Slug

U.C. Santa Cruz is a funny little college nestled on the Northern California coastline with a very laid-back approach to athletics. The school's philosophy has always been that sports are for everybody, not just jocks. When it came time to pick a mascot, they deliberately went for one that was as harmless as possible: the banana slug. These yellow invertebrates can grow to almost ten inches long and are native to North America. In 1980, administration tried to introduce the sea lion, a more serious mascot, as an alternate, but the students resoundingly rejected it.

Speedy The Geoduck

Evergreen State College, located in Olympia, Washington, is a very nontraditional place of learning. So it's not surprising that they have a seriously weird mascot. Pronounced "gooey duck," it's not a waterfowl covered in slime. Instead, it's a sort of clam native to the Pacific Northwest that is famous for its enormous, phallic siphon that can stretch out as far as three feet from the shell. The mascot made its debut in 1971, shortly after the school adopted "Let It All Hang Out" as its unofficial motto. We told you the place was nontraditional.

The Criminal

There's actually a good reason for Yuma, Arizona's, Yuma Union High School mascot, being a criminal. When the school's original buildings were destroyed in a fire, all of the students moved into the closed Yuma Territorial Prison for three years, with classes conducted in the cells. When the football team won the state championship that year, their angry rivals dubbed them the "Criminals" and the name stuck. They've come to embrace the moniker, and the school's gates are actually made of recycled bars from the prison.

The Fighting Okra

Sports teams typically choose mascots that express some essential character trait like dedication, toughness or a propensity for violence. So what can you say about Delta State University's Fighting Okra? When we think okra, the adjective that first comes to mind is "slimy." The vegetable, common in Southern food, is definitely an acquired taste. The Fighting Okra is actually the school's second mascot. Originally, it was the Fighting Statesmen until student athletes complained that it wasn't sufficiently intimidating. Obviously, their replacement choice wasn't much better.

The Tree

Sticking with the vegetable kingdom for a little bit, we come to the Stanford Tree. The school's official mascot is the cardinal, but students really don't give a rat's ass about that bird. Instead, they throw their support behind the Tree, which has been redesigned every school year since its debut in 1975. As an unofficial mascot, the Tree can get away with all sorts of shenanigans, and the school's rivalry with UC Berkeley has seen it in the middle of more than a few drunken brawls.

Scrotie

The Rhode Island School Of Design is weird even by art school standards. If you want to get in, you have to send them a drawing of a bicycle. So it only stands to reason that their unofficial mascot might be the strangest of all time. In 2001, the school launched a student competition to come up with a character to encourage their ramshackle sports teams, and the winner was "Scrotie," an anthropomorphic penis and balls. The costume has gone through several iterations, with the current model a distressingly realistic six-foot dong wearing a red cape.

 

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10 Films You Have To Watch More Than Once To Get And Fully Appreciate

September 1, 2015, 1:50 am

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It's not always easy understanding the entire plot of a movie your first time through, especially with the person next to you squawking in your ear and the jackass behind you kicking your seat. Sometimes we're even smart enough to save highly anticipated movies for home viewing, but even then, there are a number of films you have to watch more than once to fully understand what the hell is going on. Here are some of the movies most commonly deserving of a second viewing. Though there are plenty of confusing ones that don't warrant a rerun, these movies you'll be glad you watched more than once.

Inception (2010)

Christopher Nolan's sidestep during his "Dark Knight" trilogy was the usual mind-bending - sometimes this has literal meaning in the film - thriller that leaves us confused throughout and second guessing everything by the time it's over. Starring the Oscar-less Leo, Tom Hardy without his Bane mask, Joseph Gordon-Levitt somewhat reminiscent of a young Matrix-y Neo in his expensive hallway stunt and the ever-amazing Marion Cotillard, Nolan takes us into a dream inside of a dream where we struggle to understand what's real and what's not. It's almost as difficult to comprehend as that last sentence you just read. With Nolan, nothing is ever straightforward, but here's a hint: the spinning top at the end.

Vanilla Sky (2001)

Another film where the actors struggle to understand which parts are reality as much as the viewer, Cameron Crowe directs Tom Cruise, Penelope Cruz and Cameron Diaz in a twisted love triangle where dream states and murder victims are hard to pinpoint at the cross-section of reality and lucid dreams. Cruise's character, a born-in magazine mogul, throws a birthday party for himself - that's so Tom Cruise -where he meets the love of his life (Cruz), but his future with her is upset by his red-dressed, strappy-shoed stalker, Julie Gianni (Diaz) who drives them both off of a cliff. With his face in shambles, he quickly runs - the standard Tom Cruise run - from reality to a dream world. The trouble for the viewer the first time through is finding where reality ends and the dream begins. It gets better with every viewing, mostly because in the end, Kurt Russell just flat out loses it. Tech support!

The Usual Suspects (1995)

It would've given the ending away to call it "The Unlikely Suspect," and if you have seen the film - spoiler alert! - you'd agree that the handicapped Verbal Kint is incapable of pulling off such a scheme as Keyser Soze. And it's definitely not a Baldwin, as Stephen is just one of those terrible actors. It's definitely one of those Kevin Spacey films you can't watch too many times in a short period of time as the ending is too easy to recall - "K-Pax," "Se7en" - but when you see how spontaneously well-orchestrated his deposition in the police department is, you'll want to go back and see how he pulled it off all over again. One thing is for sure: I'll never look at the physically disabled the same ever again.

Seven (1995)

Speaking of Kevin Spacey as the clever villain, "Se7en" is the gritty detective starring Brad Pitt and Morgan Freeman as two cops following the seven deadly sins to the wife's head in the box. While the ending is too vivid to forget, you have to watch the film again to follow Spacey's character's process. If you've ever been interested in serial killing as a part-time hobby, this is a great film to use for cliff notes on the dos and don'ts of meaningful serial murder. No one really wants to see Gwyneth Paltrow's severed head, but hearing Brad Pitt cry "what's in the box?" a hundred times is kind of entertaining.

Memento (2000)

Another Nolan film that worked our brains to the point of mush was the backwards crime thriller, "Memento," starring a young, ripped Guy Pearce. In the film, adapted from his brother Jonathan's short story "Memento Mori," Leonard Shelby (Pearce) has no form of short-term memory and so has to make notes to himself, working his way around his sickness to find who raped and murdered his wife. Like any Nolan movie, it requires multiple viewings to fully comprehend, except for "Interstellar," which is more time consuming than a part-time job as a serial killer.

Fight Club (1999)

One of the greatest films in history - that's fact, not opinion - is the coming-to-life ego of Ed Norton's character, Tyler Durden. The David Fincher film, a book adaptation based off the Chuck Palahniuk novel, takes an ordinary man who goes very "Office Space" on his mundane, monotonous life, but eventually it leads him down a path of public destruction, which he cannot comprehend nor stop, at least not until you both realize Tyler Durden ( Brad Pitt) is an illusion. Upon returning to the film a second time with that information, the whole movie makes a lot more sense, especially considering Ed Norton never had a name throughout the film. How could you have not gotten this the first time? That's simple. No one wants to believe Brad Pitt is just an illusion. Also, no one is allowed to talk about it.

Donnie Darko (2001)

One of the greatest directorial debuts belongs to Richard Kelly as he takes us on a wild, time-altering ride through the eyes of Jake Gyllenhaal, a teen who has a near-death experience and can change destiny. Between the appearances of the gigantic bunny and endlessly reinterpreted meanings of the film, what appears to be a somewhat simplistic film is a bit of a never-ending universal mind fuck. The good news: You walk away with something new each time, if you so choose.

Mulholland Drive (2001)

It should come as no surprise that something born of David Lynch's mind is difficult to comprehend, but the 2001 mystery-thriller is lined with a strangely structured story, not to mention hot babes making out and a faux Los Angeles where parking seems to be no problem at all. Naomi Watts is a typical new-to-town girl in search of fame and Laura Elena Harring has just survived a car accident and slowly has to piece her life together with the help of Watts' character. It's like "The Bourne Identity," only way hotter and more indulging. Considering it's from the transcendentally meditative mind of Lynch, you'll likely need more than two viewings to get it.

The Sixth Sense (1999)

Whenever something in a film doesn't add up, just assume the main character is dead. That seems to work in "The Sixth Sense," where most people's jaws hit the floor when little Haley Joel Osment exclaimed the infamous "I see dead people," disclosing that Bruce Willis' character was actually dead the whole goddamn time. Upon watching the M. Night Shyamalan classic - it's classic because now he just makes crap - again, you'll realize that although the dark clouded ending came out of the clear, blue sky, the fact that he's dead makes total sense the second time through. Talking about cleverly making money on the backend in movie rentals. Everyone rents it twice.

Unbreakable (2000)

Okay, we'll give M. Night Shyamalan two classics and say that the bigger themes playing in 2000's "Unbreakable," the godlike complexes between Bruce Willis and Samuel L. Jackson, were pretty powerful. When Willis' character is the sole survivor of a terrible train wreck, Jackson's character offers an explanation before you slowly realize the two characters have much bigger identities than either realized. In the end, Willis was just as confused as we were. Of course, now Shyamalan wants to make "Unbreakable 2" and ruin anything decent he's ever created.

 

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A Day In The Life Of Donald Trump

September 1, 2015, 2:31 am

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We all know what Donald Trump claims to do on a daily basis, but what does the hopeful presidential candidate actually do with each hour of his day? We went deep undercover to see how he spends his time when no one else is looking. This is the first ever exclusive look at a day in the life of Donald Trump.

7:00 a.m.

Trump emerges from his cocoon, which is made from confiscated immigration papers and old honeycombs, and makes a sound that is only comparable to a bat being beheaded. The sun pierces his skin as the primordial ooze drips from his body.

8:00 a.m.
He crawls around on all fours gathering various insects and plant roots from the room, then ventures into his yard where he continues to collect them into a large burlap sack tied around his neck. Once the sack is full, he lets out a mighty howl as he stands on only his legs for the first time of the day and beats at his chest. It's a terrifying, repulsive sight to behold.

9:30 a.m.

Trump takes the burlap sack full of moths, earthworms, beetles, scorpions, grasshoppers and other various creatures and holds it in one hand while shaking a coffin with the other. What sort of hideous creature is inside this old, decrepit casket? After a few shakes, the lid slides off as the sun vanishes behind the clouds. The earth rumbles at the presence of pure evil. Ann Coulter emerges with a shriek that causes every bird within a mile radius to burst into flames. Trump empties the contents of the burlap sack into her mouth. "Must consume life," she mumbles as the flames of Hell flicker from beneath her. There is a deep feeling of sorrow and despair with each gulp she takes.

10:00 a.m.
After eating her sacrifice, Ann Coulter crawls back into her coffin. She is pleased with the sacrifice. Trump uses a hose on the side of the house to wash the innards of the insects off of his gelatin-shaped body. His handlers enter. Two of them are carrying a suit and the other is holding the rotting head of a boar. As Trump snaps and lunges for the boar carcass, the other two quickly put his suit on. Now he's ready to meet the public.

11:00 a.m.

On his way to lunch he spots a Latino woman pushing her baby in a stroller down the street. The woman is dressed nicely and appears to be quite happy. Trump begins to foam at the mouth and tries desperately to throw a lamp at her. Thankfully, a handler pulls it from his grips. "Immigration!" he yells to no one in particular.

11:30 a.m.

As Trump and his team arrive at a luncheon, the handlers see members of the press waiting for a statement from him. They act quickly and rub large amounts of peanut butter on his mouth so he won't actually be able to speak, but can still continually move his mouth. They have a soundboard ready that will blurt out random hot words, like China, immigration, jabroni, Kenya and synergy. Their peanut butter budget makes up over 40 percent of his campaign cost.

1:00 p.m.

After lunch, Trump sits down at a laptop for an hour and Googles his own name with various insults like "Trump sucks," "Trump is the worst," and "Trump ate a diaper at the Denver Zoo in 2007, and here's the video to prove it." He makes sure to write down every name on the list so his team can look up their IP addresses.

2:00 p.m.
After his list is made, he hands it to a team of techs who track down their information to see if they're from a foreign country living in the US. If so, he has them immediately deported on terrorism and drug suspicion. One time he had a dog put down just because his bark sounded like he was saying "Trump" in a sarcastic manner.

3:30 p.m.

This is usually the time of day when Ann Coulter starts rumbling around in her coffin demanding additional sacrifices be made, but since Hillary Clinton keeps posting all those ridiculous videos and tweets online, they just stream them into Coulter's chamber of soulless abyss and they please the dark lord just as much. Occasionally, one of her talons of darkness will protrude through the coffin, but a handler tosses in a live fish to distract her.

5:00 p.m.

This is labeled on his daily planner as "Spaghetti Time." You'd think it means he eats spaghetti, but it's actually the time of day he buys as much spaghetti as possible online so he can drive up the price and attempt to make it only available to the top one percent of the population. So far this plan has not worked.

6:00 p.m.

No one knows what happens for the next few hours, because Trump disappears behind a locked door that is completely soundproof. All we do know is that the only people who are allowed to enter are:

Toby Keith
Heidi Montag
Jared Leto
Jared Leto's aunts (any of them)
Jose Canseco
Topher Grace (only if he's wearing his "Spider-Man 3" costume)
Kid Rock
Criss Angel

It's like an Illuminati meeting, except terrible in every way.

9:30 p.m.
Trump exits the room, puts a pillow over his face and screams the word "Muslim" into it for a half hour or so. Somehow he always starts bleeding during this time.

10:00 p.m.

This is the witching hour in which Trump is allowed to run free through the neighborhood unaccompanied. You'll know when he's in your town because there will be a drastic increase in animal attacks that night. Livestock will go missing and family pets will be consumed or maimed. His handlers have to treat every night like those containment crews in "Men In Black" that erased everyone's memory. So far they've been successful, but many pets have fallen victim.

11:00 p.m.

Trump is force-fed a sedative to calm him down as the handlers desperately try to hide any evidence of the dogs he just consumed. He's sedated enough to be crammed back into his cocoon where he'll rest up for another day of campaigning and another night of feasting. From outside you can hear Ann Coulter cackle with joy deep below the earth. Their day of reckoning is coming. We've been warned.

 

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Restaurant In South Korea Is For Single People Only

September 1, 2015, 2:37 am

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Finally, a restaurant for single people only that I'm OK going to. I was getting quite tired of the single people only dine-in I usually go to which is just the parking lot at Burger King. Take a look at this restaurant in South Korea that helps single people meet up (in a very awkward way):


No word yet on whether Kim Jong-un will see this as a sign of disrespect and start a war.

This restaurant isn't as friendly: California Restaurant Bans Crying Children

 

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Kanye West's Campaign Promises For His 2020 Presidential Bid

September 1, 2015, 3:50 am

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Kanye West announced at the VMAs that he would be running for president in 2020. Sure, why not? After all, the White House has basically become a reality competition with Donald Trump transitioning from a sideshow to an actual candidate that people are supporting in mass numbers. Maybe the year after that we can elect a meme into office? Or a Vine star? But what are Kanye's plans for the election? How does he think he's going to get your vote? Amazingly, we stumbled upon his notepad of campaign promises and ideas and are giving you an exclusive look at them. This is your future. Get ready.

 

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This Guy Stole A Scooter And Sweet Karma Caught Up To Him

September 1, 2015, 4:03 am

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Everyone should enjoy seeing people get what they deserve, especially criminals, and the video below captures just that. In the video, a thief, who had just left court for prior burglary offenses, thought it would be a good move to steal a scooter. But it clearly didn't turn out like he wanted.


Cops chased him all through Kaohsiung City, Taiwan, where the good karma gods eventually caught up to him. The thief was arrested and once again taken into custody.

The dumb never learn.

Karma makes another appearance: High-Speed Car Chase Ends With Civilians Beating Down Robber

 

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Watch These Old Folks Struggle To Use A Camera Phone

September 1, 2015, 5:12 am

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There's something quite endearing about old people trying to figure out how to properly use a camera phone, and the Irish (I think) elderly folks above showed us what we will have to look forward to when we get older. All they wanted to do was take a picture of a garden.

At least the old man suggested a selfie. He's just trying to make the best of it.

Here's hoping their grand kids finally got a picture of that sweet garden.

This is also what we have to look forward to: Watch What Happens When This 102-Year-Old Woman Tries To Blow Out Her Candles

 

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20 Rock 'N' Roll Facts You Had No Idea About

September 1, 2015, 5:50 am

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While the majority of us probably don't know any of the interesting rock 'n' roll facts below, there will always be that guy who claims he already knew all about them, and those who didn't know about them aren't true rock 'n' roll fans. He is also the same guy who doesn't get invited to parties because every time he does he just acts like a walking Wikipedia. No one likes that guy. He has an extensive Hot Topic band tees collection. He's insufferable.

Anyway, enjoy these 20 rock 'n' roll facts below that you had no idea about.









































Via The Chive

These rockers are okay flying solo: Successful Rock Lead Singers Gone Solo And Still Going Strong

 

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Kansas Woman Gets Frostbite Trying To Get High On Canned Air At Walmart

September 1, 2015, 6:11 am

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I'll admit that life in Kansas sounds like it's about as much fun as getting kicked in the balls by a mule, but trying to make things better by huffing a can of toxic chemicals that is primarily used for cleaning your MacBook is beyond ridiculous.

According to ABC 13, an Olathe woman who was recently "shopping" at her local Walmart decided to spice things up by sucking on a can of Ultra Duster, which is an industrial strength duster chemical that is usually reserved for cleaning computers.

Now, there are many good reasons not to huff Ultra Duster - like the fact that it can cause kidney failure and even death, for example - but the whole "instant frostbite" of your face thing also has to be toward the top of the list:


Police said Melissa Ann Wright refused medical attention when they arrived on the scene, and they had no choice but to slap her with the "uncommon charge" of abusing toxic vapors.

As far as Wright's face goes, she's unfortunately going to look like that for a long time. Well, unless of course she can come up with the cash for plastic surgery, which, based on the fact that she's huffing computer cleaners at Walmart, is highly unlikely.

This should kill whatever's left of your appetite: This Girl's Frostbitten Fingers Will Make You Never Want To Drink In The Snow

 

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Miley Cyrus Aggressively Shows Her Boobs...Again

September 1, 2015, 6:38 am

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Let's be honest: Miley Cyrus shows her breasts almost as often as my grandfather takes a leak. But that doesn't mean we're sick of seeing those things.

According to Gossip Cop, the pop sensation "bares her breasts and pulls down her underwear in a series of sexually-suggestive photos" for Interview magazine's September "#Me issue."

Sold.





Cyrus' nipples also made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards on Sunday. So, if things are a little tense in the office today, don't worry about missing out on the spectacular NSFW collection, as at this rate, she'll probably one-up herself sometime later this month.

However, if you hate your job or you're working from home, you should take a gander at the NSFW photos here ASAP.

Cyrus' girlfriend also likes to get NSFW: Miley Cyrus' New Girlfriend Stella Maxwell Has A Hot (And NSFW) Instagram

 

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Couple Almost Drowns When Van They Were Having Sex In Rolls Into River

September 1, 2015, 7:30 am

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Sex so good it almost kills you ...


A German couple nearly drowned to death when they failed to realize that the van they were having sex in, a van parked near Lake Plansee in Tyrol, Austria, rolled into the river. The 49-year-old driver and his 42-year-old girlfriend manged to swim to safety after escaping through the van's windows.

"The vehicle had to be retrieved immediately, as there was a risk it could cause pollution and damage the environment," a spokesperson for the fire department stated.

So not only did these guys almost kill each other, but they almost killed the environment, too.

It took about three hours for a crane to pull the van out of the river. Check out the aftermath below.


Next time, this couple should just take ten minutes out of the day to have sex at home while secretly hating each other and waiting for the other to die, like all normal couples do.

Via Death and Taxes

At least they didn't die either: Russian Couple Caught Having Sex On Train

 

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Chinese Man Has 11-Pound Turd Surgically Removed After 10 Years Of Severe Constipation

September 1, 2015, 7:40 am

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So, exactly how much cheese did this guy eat?

Call us crazy, but we probably would have done something about it after, oh, I don't know, 10 days. But according to Fark, a 27-year-old man in Chengdu, China, who had suffered through 10 long years of severe constipation, recently underwent an emergency surgery to remove an 11-pound stool that was stuck in his colon.

We are by no means experts, but we're pretty sure that'll do it.


After a few hospital visits revealed nothing out of the ordinary, X-rays finally led to the discovery that "the patient's heart had shifted to the right because his colon had swelled to twice the normal size." When that happens, it means you have congenital megacolon, and that can cause "paralysis of the movements of the bowel and can sometimes lead to fecal tumors."

And it can also apparently lead to 11-pound turds.

The man is currently in recovery, and we can only imagine that the first crap that he takes on his own this week is going to bring a tear to his eye, and it's finally going to be a good tear.

Apparently, all he had to do was eat some broccoli: Foods That Make You Poop

 

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Ronda Rousey Got Asked Out To The Marine Corps Ball And She Said Yes

September 1, 2015, 8:29 am

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When she isn't being the scariest woman on the planet or breaking arms, Ronda Rousey is doing some pretty great things, like accepting a marine's invitation to go to the Marine Corps Ball.


Recently, Marine Jarrod Hash posted a video of himself asking Ronda, his celebrity crush, out to the Marine Corps Ball in December. Just a few days later, it has gone viral, even reaching Ronda herself.


Well, Ronda has said yes, but warns Jarrod that he has to be a gentleman. I'm pretty sure Jarrod doesn't want to be in the hospital, so he probably won't have any problem complying with that.

Jarrod is a pretty lucky guy, though.






Via Maxim

Yeah, he should be a gentleman or else: Watch Ronda Rousey Break A Dude's Ribs After He Says She Can't Compete With A Man

 

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Street Brawl Between Python And King Cobra Is Terrifying

September 1, 2015, 10:57 am

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If you hate snakes, you are likely already messing yourself, and with good reason. It's not often that a fight will randomly break out on the street right in front of you (depending on where you live, of course), and even less so when it involves a python and a cobra. But perhaps it's more commonplace in Singapore, because people seemed to have no qualms about gathering around to watch these two titans of the reptile kingdom duke it out. We're not really sure who to declare the winner here, but with a video this crazy, the viewer at least always comes out on top.

Seen enough? Of course you haven't: Check Out This Black Widow Fight A Scorpion And Hope You Never Run Into These

 

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The 20 Sexiest Girls With Tattoos On Instagram

September 1, 2015, 9:10 pm

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Today's Funny Photos

September 1, 2015, 11:38 pm

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The Best and Worst Films of Nicolas Cage

September 2, 2015, 1:50 am

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Nicolas Cage is Hollywood's biggest conundrum. Right out of the gate he proved himself as an impeccable actor who brought a tantalizing unpredictability to his roles. He was a leading man, but like none we had seen before. With each performance he gave us, we wanted to see what came next. What eventually did was puzzling. He took an over-the-top acting style that served him well in previous contexts to a disquieting new level, playing bad roles in bad movies that he delivered with laughable gusto. Fans noticed. Hollywood noticed. The Internet noticed, too, and made him and his film transgressions into the stuff of legend. But the underlying argument remains: how did he go from so good to so bad? Sadly, we may never solve that question, so let's instead recall his all-time best and worst films.

THE WORST

No. 5 - Amos & Andrew (1993)

"Sign of the Apocalypse" is not the name of a Nicolas Cage movie, but some might see it as a better title for this early '90s comedy misfire. If not necessarily a warning that the end was near, this was perhaps the first hint that despite a string of box office triumphs and critical acclamations, The Cage was capable of some truly awful stuff. First on our list of the worst of his myriad of film atrocities, "Amos and Andrew" tried to be both funny and a commentary on racial issues, but was neither. While Cage and fellow thespian Samuel L. Jackson lent there big names to shining a cinematic light on the black and white issues of the day, they instead wound up making one huge, colorless mess.

No. 4 - Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance (2011)

If you've ever wondered what movies they show in Hell, it is very possible we have one answer for you. "Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance" is exactly the kind of torture Satan would screen for his subjects. And if we discovered that The Cage actually presided over the Q&A afterwards, it wouldn't surprise us at all. He can do anything, including following up the decidedly abysmal "Ghost Rider" with this even more abysmal sequel. The fact is that no one has given the world a better motorcycle-riding fugitive from the Underworld than singer Meatloaf, and no one ever will.

No. 3 - Bangkok Dangerous (2008)

One location + one adjective = the new Nicolas Cage normal. In other words, Oscar-winning actor slums in lethargic crap. In "Bangkok Dangerous," he's a hotshot hit man who travels to Asia to kill a bunch of people before he takes on a protege and a conscience. The pace is slow, the action is hackneyed and the filmmakers (who also directed the superior yet still mediocre original) double down on The Cage's dismal dialogue with inane voice-over narration. Where the original's lead is a deaf-mute assassin, that innovative spin gets fully "Caged" in the remake and we're forced to hear him utter lines. The mute angle is instead transferred to the love interest, who watches him murder people yet still can't resist him in the end. However, you should definitely resist "Bangkok Dangerous" altogether. Your senses, including smell, taste and even touch somehow, will thank you for it.

No. 2 - Knowing (2009)

If "Amos & Andrew" was a sign of the apocalypse, "Knowing" could be seen as the event itself. There is no denying that even though he'll sneak in an impressive performance here and there, The Cage's more recent film choices have definitely branded him a B-movie queen. Sometimes predicting the end of the world can be barrels of fun on a movie screen. "Knowing" is a good reason to throw Milk Duds at it. Spooky time capsules, mysterious numbers and intervening space aliens compete to outdo Cage himself on the ridiculous scale. Who wins? Who cares? As we watch the world burn down to the ground, we almost envy the fictional victims who no longer have to carry around the memory of this terrible movie in their heads ever again.

No. 1 - The Wicker Man (2006)

Some of the most revered quotes in cinema history include the likes of "I ate his liver with some fava beans and a nice chianti" or "may the Force be with you." "The Wicker Man" contains two of The Cage's best lines, as well, but for all the wrong reasons. Here, he plays a police officer searching for his young daughter on a strange Pacific Coast island populated by a religious enclave run by women and suffering a severe honey shortage. A remake of a 1973 horror film (we featured their masks in a recent article of our own), this is an embarrassment for everyone involved for it's unintentional hilarity and jaw-dropping awfulness. Easily his worst movie, it has achieved cult status as an atrocity to both the craft of filmmaking and acting alike. The Cage is off the chain here, but somehow managed to get us inexplicably hooked with his cringeworthy delivery of lines such as "How'd it get burned!?" and "No, not the bees! Not the bees!"

The Best

No. 5 - Wild at Heart (1990)

While The Cage's manic onscreen energy has brought the term "punchline" into any serious discussion about his body of work, in 1990 it served him brilliantly in David Lynch's "Wild at Heart." A road movie driven by Lynch's bizarre style, Cage was a more than enthusiastic co-conspirator for this, well, wild cinematic ride. Though his future unhinged performances would give critics and fans fodder for ridicule and derision, here, dressed in a sweet snakeskin jacket, craziness was the context and Cage shined. Lynch is known for the blurred, distorted worlds he creates on film and television, and in "Wild at Heart," Cage was electric as that world's beacon.

No. 4 - Face/Off (1997)

It was in the mid-2000s when The Cage started to become a laughable parody of himself with his outlandish acting. But like "Wild at Heart," his outrageousness in 1997's "Face/Off" was exactly what the role needed and the main reason why his performance was given such high praise. He plays a brilliant, violent criminal mastermind being dogged by FBI agent John Travolta who is willing to do anything to put an end to his evil deeds. That includes undergoing of temporary transplant of Cage's face to infiltrate his inner circle. What could go wrong? Well, Cage in turn steals Travolta's face and sparks fly. These two venerable actors give this action thriller all they've got to the audiences' benefit, but Cage pushes it to the very limit with unrestrained antics that definitely triumph in the end.

No. 3 - Leaving Las Vegas (1995)

The Cage's mania is here in "Leaving Las Vegas," but it is suppressed underneath a quiet performance which makes it one of his most nuanced. Here he plays a failed screenwriter, so fed up with what's become of his personal and professional life that he gives it all up and heads to Vegas to drink himself to death. An unexpected relationship with a troubled prostitute complicates what seemed like an easy decision. Cage's great acting is on full display here, making his detour into overacting in later bombs so notable. Toned down with tension boiling beneath, his portrayal not only earned him the respect of an already devoted audience, but a "Best Actor" Oscar as well.

No. 2 - Adaptation (2002)

In most of the films listed in the "Worst" category, one Nicolas Cage was too much. But as we've switched over to his best performances, "Adaptation" proves that two Cages can leave us wanting more. The film has The Cage playing twin brothers, Charlie and Donald Kaufman, who try to put their sibling rivalry on hold to adapt a screenplay together. Mind-bending director Spike Jonze certainly picked the right lead actor to bend minds in this acclaimed film. Cage usually brings enough angst and frenzy to a project for not one but two roles, and in "Adaptation," this has never been more apparent.

No. 1 - Raising Arizona (1987)

The Coen Brothers are two of the greatest living filmmakers working today, and their sharp, dark dramedies continually manage to affect and surprise us. Their second film "Raising Arizona" also boasts Nicolas Cage's best performance ever. In it, he plays a lovable loser ex-con whose desire to put his criminal past behind him and start a family with his infertile wife, who is a former cop, leads them to become kidnappers. Lovable losers are a dime a dozen on the big screen, but Cage has tapped into something revelatory here, filling this sweet, flawed man with an unrivaled grandeur and grace. His character might be a simple dimwit, but the emotions and identification Cage wields as this quiet protagonist is truly beyond genius.

 

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