I would never surf again if I saw this photo.(AKA, why I will never surf again.)

It's like a puppy trying to follow him home.

This is why pools were invented.

I'm glad I'm not the photographer.

Seriously, why do people surf?

Why do people kayak?

And this becomes a shark attack photo in 3...2..1..

Seriously, stop surfing.

How many times do I have to say it, ixnay on the urfingsay.

On the upside, no one can see you crap your pants in the water.

According to this news report, this is a woman surrounded by leopard sharks. (She was not attacked.)

Yes, this is fake.

Women Behind Bars

If you're looking to love a convicted felon, we've got just the dating site for you. On Women Behind Bars, chicks in the slammer seek guys on the outside who'll be their "penpal" (and conjugal visitor) until they're released, at which point the men have earned a sociopathic stalker.

The Ugly Bug Ball

Started in the United Kingdom, where there are plenty of "ugly bugs," this site for the "aesthetically average" now exists in five countries, including the United States. Offering "real dating for real people," the site helps unattractive daters find equally repulsive mates. Since two negatives sometimes equal a positive, this could be a quick route to beautiful children.

420 Dating

Find a Jane who loves mary jane on this site for marijuana enthusiasts seeking equally weed-happy partners who enjoy sitting on the couch and binge eating. If you find a girlfriend on this site, just be sure to have a slightly more heartwarming "how we met" story lined up for your parents.

Ashley Madison

This infamous cheaters site with the to-the-point tagline, "life is short, have an affair," boasts over 17 million members, proving that we're all cheating scumbags at heart. If you'd like to ruin your marriage and royally screw up your life, this is a good place to start.

Nerd Passions

Pick your dweeb passion - choices include Linux, LARP and anime - to find a dorky dame who can't wait to debate "The Big Bang Theory" (both the TV show and the cosmological model). Since geek is currently chic, take a gander and you just may find your very own Zooey Deschanel.

Farmers Only

Local yokels who love "blue skies," "raising animals" and "peaceful, wide open spaces" can get together for a day of milking, tilling and tractor riding through this bumpkin-only business. There's nothing like reverse cowgirl with an actual cowgirl.

Positive Singles

STD-infected guys and gals can get together for worry-free sex and empathetic companionship at Positive Singles. While this service seems helpful for those with incurable diseases, we're not sure why someone with chlamydia, gonorrhea or syphilis wouldn't just take some antibiotics then head to a normal dating site. Remember, the clap + the clap ≠ applause.

Darwin Dating

"Exclusively for beautiful, desirable people" this site comes with a long list of traits you cannot have as a member, like acne, red hair or crooked teeth. You can, however, be a meathead, dickhead or blockhead, because personality and intelligence aren't a factor on this purely superficial site.

Two very good questions in one Yahoo Answers.

Click here to see more unhelpful Yahoo Answers questions.

You can never be too safe.

I'm not sure why this wasn't nominated for a Golden Globe.

That's a pretty strict dress code.

The bigger they come...

OK, I admit, that is pretty cool.

One second, guys, I'm just fisting my refrigerator.

You can go to school for that?

Click here for more super funny Yearbook photos.

Click here for more unbelievable perfectly timed photos.

The differences are minor, but important.

This is my kind of workout.

Click here for more funny high guy meme photos.

You can pretty much say whatever you want if you say it with a kitten.

What was your first clue?

Well, at least she was right for three weeks.

This makes me very happy.

Click here for more deliciously ironic photos.

WiFi networks are a great way to spread your message anonymously.

Mason probably deserves this.

This is probably not a WiFi network you should join.

I think we have the same neighbor.

Here's a WiFi network name for you: CallTheCopsNow.

Sometimes you get caught.

WiFi Burn.

Abraham Linksys: Vampire Hunter

Join the network quick so you can get on the internet to look up a urologist.

Flamingo fuck yourself

Is that the same as not having sex?

Grammar nazis will always win in my book.

So...we're just gonna ignore that someone went with the name PocketRocket?

These are the two greatest WiFi network names in this gallery.

Well, at least they're honest.

And now we all have that horrible song by The Offspring stuck in our head.

Who doesn't?!

See?

I think they're trying to tell you something...

The creator of this network name is 12 years old. And my idol.

And the award for most creative goes to...

Unfortunately, this is what was found on Mr. Roger's computer after he passed away.

Wedged between all of the generic Wifi Network names is an Engorged Rhino and a Fleshlight Recycling Center.

Rikidozan

In Japan, professional wrestling is very serious business. The top stars are national celebrities who wield a huge amount of leverage, and that's a recipe for disaster. The story of Mitsuhiro Momota, better known as Rikidozan, illustrates exactly why. Rikidozan was one of the hugest names in Japanese - a retired sumo who started fake fighting in 1951 and became the country's most famous wrestler. In 1963, while enjoying himself at a nightclub, Rikidozan was stabbed with a knife soaked in urine by a Japanese gangster and died of an infection a week later. It's rumored that the attack was paid for by Masahiko Kimura, his longtime rival in the ring.

Brian Ong

The process of training to be a professional wrestler is a difficult one. Not only is it physically arduous, there's often a lot of attitude from the more experienced performers who see it as their duty to haze newcomers. If you don't know what you're doing, the ring can be a very dangerous place. Case in point: Brian Ong. In May 2001, Ong was a trainee at California's All Pro Wrestling School when he was assigned to take a "flapjack" move from fellow trainee Dalip Singh (now wrestling in the WWE as The Great Khali). Ong accidentally grabbed Singh's shirt as he was being driven downwards into the mat, resulting in his skull whipping back and damaging his spine and brainstem. Ong died as a result of his injuries a few days later.

Bruiser Brody

Frank Goodish, better known by the ring name Bruiser Brody, was one of the wildest competitors the squared circle has ever seen. The bearded Brody had a violent, out-of-control style that made him feared by opponents and audiences alike, and he traveled all over the world taking on all comers. In July 1988, Brody was in Puerto Rico (a huge wrestling market) getting ready for a bout with Dan Spivey. In the locker room, fellow wrestler Jose Huertas Gonzalez approached him and asked to "discuss business" in the shower. The two men walked off and minutes later Gonzalez stabbed Brody in the stomach. He was too huge for paramedics to even lift into the ambulance so other wrestlers had to do it. Brody died in the hospital and strangely enough, Gonzalez was found not guilty for reasons of self-defense.

Oro

Our neighbors south of the border have a rich and exciting professional wrestling culture of their own, with fanciful masks and outrageous characters. But it's just as dangerous, and lucha libre has claimed some lives in the ring. The masked warrior known as Oro was a second-generation luchador who debuted in 1990 with his brother Plata. Oro became famous for his daredevil high-flying style, but that would also lead to his demise. In 1993, Oro prepared for a huge six-man tag team match in Mexico City, instructing his opponents that he wanted to take a big, dramatic fall to make them look good. During the contest, Oro took a clothesline and flipped back insanely, landing on his head. He then collapsed in the ring and was stretchered out to an ambulance, where he died of a brain aneurism. He was only 21 years old.

Chris Benoit

Some of the most dangerous injuries occurring in the professional wrestling business don't leave any scars on the surface. Chris Benoit was one of the most popular wrestlers of his era, with a terrifying work ethic and very believable performances. But those performances resulted in his brain suffering myriad concussions that induced a form of dementia in his brain. In 2007, that dementia led him to murder his wife Nancy and son Daniel, drugging them with Xanax before strangling them to death. Three days after their murder, Chris Benoit also took his own life, hanging himself from a weight machine cord. His autopsy revealed heightened testosterone in his system and a brain so damaged that it looked like it belonged to a man in his 80s.

Ray Gunkel

The whole point of professional wrestling moves is that they're supposed to look a lot scarier than they feel. It's a delicate dance between the giver and receiver to make things look impressive to the crowd. But sometimes, that dance misses some steps. Ox Baker was an old-time legend who brutalized opponents with his "heart punch" finisher, a straight sock to the ribcage that took out some of the era's biggest stars. In August 1972, Baker faced local Georgia hero Ray Gunkel in a match where Gunkel managed to overcome the heart punch and get the win. Unfortunately, the punch actually caused a hematoma to form in Gunkel's chest that created a blood clot in his heart and killed him later that evening.

Dino Bravo

Here's another tale of a professional wrestler tangling with organized crime and paying for it. Dino Bravo was the self-proclaimed "Canada's Strongest Man" who debuted in 1970 and wrestled for most of North America's biggest promotions. After retiring in 1992, he returned to Montreal and opened a wrestling school, but he may have had his fingers in some other pies. In March 1993, Bravo was found shot to death in his home with seven bullets in his head and ten in his torso. The prevailing theory is that it was a Mafia hit in protest of Bravo's cigarette smuggling business - his fame in the ring helped him establish a lucrative line in illegal, untaxed smokes. Bravo was also a nephew by marriage to Montreal mafioso Vic Catroni, so it's not a surprise that the mob found out about his activities.

Emiko Kado

If you've never watched Japanese women's wrestling, it might freak you out a little bit. In contrast to the silicone-stuffed "divas" of the United States, Japan takes lady grappling incredibly seriously, with hard-hitting action that rivals anything the men can deliver. Unfortunately (and this isn't sexism, just biology), women's bodies aren't designed to suffer the kind of physical abuse men are. Emiko Kado was a young rookie in Japan's ARSION promotion, working as "enhancement talent" - i.e., losing matches to make other wrestlers look good. With a perfect 0-15 record, she entered a tag team match against legend Mariko Yoshida and Mikiko Futagami in March of 1999. About 20 minutes in, a strike from one of her opponents ruptured a membrane in her brain. Kado was rushed to the hospital but died a little over a week later.

Gordon Kimbrough

Anabolic steroids can create astounding changes in even the most gentle personality. San Francisco bodybuilder Gordon Kimbrough was a perfect example. Family members described him as a shy, quiet man who wouldn't hurt a fly before he started cycling on growth hormone to increase the size and definition of his muscles. The artificial hormones turned him into a very different person, though, and in 1993 he snapped and murdered his fiancée, Kristy Ramsay, in a fit of passion because he thought she'd found another man. Police found him the next day at the scene trying to inject enough Lysol into his neck to kill himself.

Gregg Valentino

When bodybuilders get so obsessed with their size, they can take some desperate measures to get big. One of the most popular aids in recent years has been synthol, a synthetic oil that is directly injected into a muscle to inflate it. The end result looks unnatural and bizarre, but it certainly does the job. Gregg Valentino was, at one point, the man with the largest arms in the world, and he employed synthol to keep them huge. Administering all of those injections took its toll on Valentino, though, and he developed a hematoma in his right arm that started leaking pus. He tried to drain it himself with a syringe and his bicep exploded, making a grotesque, bloody mess that resulted in a trip to the hospital.

Ruben Azru

It could be argued that the human body is not meant to possess the kind of raw physical strength that some of these bodybuilders bring to the table. If things go bad, they're capable of causing a lot of damage with their bare hands. Take Ruben Arzu, a massive 300-pound mammoth of a man from Colton, California. How would you feel if you came home from a party and saw him stark naked on your lawn with menace in his eyes? That's what happened to a Southern California couple in 2011. Arzu attacked the husband immediately, savagely beating him and breaking his jaw. When the wife ran inside to call the police, Arzu grabbed her by the head and fractured her skull. Thankfully, nobody was killed and the rampaging hulk was taken into custody.

Andreas Munzer

Steroids aren't the only thing that bodybuilders poison their bodies with. One of the greatest foes of a bodybuilder is water weight - to really make your muscles pop with definition, you need to have as little liquid in your system as possible. Many competitors resort to diuretics before they get on stage to push them over the edge, and these can have incredibly scary effects. One of the saddest stories is of Austrian legend Andreas Munzer, who was renowned for his extremely low body fat. In 1996, Munzer was rushed to a hospital complaining of stomach pain and died on the operating table. His autopsy revealed that he had numerous tumors on his liver, his testicles were shrunken and his heart was twice the size of a normal man's, all a result of his chemical abuse.

Chad Brothers

The thing with steroids, though, is they turn your temper into something to be feared. Even the most minor slight has been proven to set off a roid-addled bodybuilder, and the results are catastrophic. In 2011, giant bodybuilder Chad Brothers was in the middle of a workout at a Gold's Gym in Latham, New York, when he tripped and fell off of an elliptical machine. That was all it took to send him on a wild tear through the facility, threatening people and damaging property. Surveillance video sees Brothers rampaging through the gym wired on a lethal combination of PCP and steroids, smashing and toppling extremely heavy gym equipment. When the police showed up to apprehend him, it took two shots with a Taser to bring him down, and he passed out and died an hour later.

Bertil Fox

One of the scariest things about the effects of human growth hormone on the brain is that it can lurk unnoticed for years. Take Bertil Fox; for most of his life, the St. Kitts-born muscle pro was a genial sort, famous for his incredible muscle density. After winning multiple titles in England and the United States, he returned to St. Kitts with his wife to start his own gym. Then one day in 1997, he walked into the dress shop that his mother-in-law owned and shot her and his wife with a pistol. He claims that it was in self-defense, but the evidence was against him and he was sent to jail for life.

Moustafa Ismail

There are some bodybuilders who are all about size - pushing a muscle to the absolute maximum size it can reach. These bodybuilders are specialists, focusing on just one muscle as opposed to making the whole body a harmonious whole. Moustafa Ismail is one of them, and he holds the record for the largest biceps in the world. The rest of Ismail's frame is harmonious and fit, but his bulging biceps - which he maintains with an insane exercise regimen and seven pounds of protein a day - are 31 inches in diameter. For reference, that's about as big as an average man's waist. Ismail denies any claims of cheating with stuff like Synthol injections and complains that it's very difficult to buy shirts that accommodate his audacious arm muscles.

Sally McNeil

Female bodybuilders aren't exempt from the insanity either. Having all that testosterone in your body can really wreak havoc on your decision-making skills. Take the case of Sally McNeil. A former Marine, McNeil got involved in professional bodybuilding after leaving the service, along with her husband Ray. McNeil was often seized by insane jealousy, once savagely beating another woman because she believed that Ray was having an affair with her. She also once dropped a 70-pound weight on his car. Things came to a head in April 1996, when she pulled a shotgun on Ray and unloaded it into his chest, killing him instantly. She's currently in jail and claims that the murder was in self-defense and that Ray was the one who struggled with roid rage.

We're halfway through January, and if you've already slipped on your New Year's resolution, Emily Sears is here to remind you that you better get your ass back in gear. Emily Sears is an Australian model from Melbourne who has been on the cover of ZOO Weekly, RALPH and Kandy magazines, and has appeared in several other sexy publications. We're hoping to see plenty more of this blonde bombshell in 2013, even if she is threatening to spank us with a riding crop.

We're halfway through January, and if you've already slipped on your New Year's resolution, Emily Sears is here to remind you that you better get your ass back in gear. Emily Sears is an Australian model from Melbourne who has been on the cover of ZOO Weekly, RALPH and Kandy magazines, and has appeared in several other sexy publications. We're hoping to see plenty more of this blonde bombshell in 2013, even if she is threatening to spank us with a riding crop.

We're halfway through January, and if you've already slipped on your New Year's resolution, Emily Sears is here to remind you that you better get your ass back in gear. Emily Sears is an Australian model from Melbourne who has been on the cover of ZOO Weekly, RALPH and Kandy magazines, and has appeared in several other sexy publications. We're hoping to see plenty more of this blonde bombshell in 2013, even if she is threatening to spank us with a riding crop.

We're halfway through January, and if you've already slipped on your New Year's resolution, Emily Sears is here to remind you that you better get your ass back in gear. Emily Sears is an Australian model from Melbourne who has been on the cover of ZOO Weekly, RALPH and Kandy magazines, and has appeared in several other sexy publications. We're hoping to see plenty more of this blonde bombshell in 2013, even if she is threatening to spank us with a riding crop.

We're halfway through January, and if you've already slipped on your New Year's resolution, Emily Sears is here to remind you that you better get your ass back in gear. Emily Sears is an Australian model from Melbourne who has been on the cover of ZOO Weekly, RALPH and Kandy magazines, and has appeared in several other sexy publications. We're hoping to see plenty more of this blonde bombshell in 2013, even if she is threatening to spank us with a riding crop.

We're halfway through January, and if you've already slipped on your New Year's resolution, Emily Sears is here to remind you that you better get your ass back in gear. Emily Sears is an Australian model from Melbourne who has been on the cover of ZOO Weekly, RALPH and Kandy magazines, and has appeared in several other sexy publications. We're hoping to see plenty more of this blonde bombshell in 2013, even if she is threatening to spank us with a riding crop.

We're halfway through January, and if you've already slipped on your New Year's resolution, Emily Sears is here to remind you that you better get your ass back in gear. Emily Sears is an Australian model from Melbourne who has been on the cover of ZOO Weekly, RALPH and Kandy magazines, and has appeared in several other sexy publications. We're hoping to see plenty more of this blonde bombshell in 2013, even if she is threatening to spank us with a riding crop.

We're halfway through January, and if you've already slipped on your New Year's resolution, Emily Sears is here to remind you that you better get your ass back in gear. Emily Sears is an Australian model from Melbourne who has been on the cover of ZOO Weekly, RALPH and Kandy magazines, and has appeared in several other sexy publications. We're hoping to see plenty more of this blonde bombshell in 2013, even if she is threatening to spank us with a riding crop.

Some people might put the top up on the convertible before washing it. Those people are called "Not Stupid."

Not one word.

There's way too much symbolism in this photo.

"No, it's cool, there's room for two."

I picked the wrong major.

What a disgrace.

So close...

Yes, yes she is.

This is why I don't have a dog.

Click here for more hilarious sign fails.

Lady Gaga has packed on a few pounds...and turned Satanic.

Tom Brady's ready for Sunday's game. (Tom Brady Ugg jokes are still funny, right?)

Isn't the actual Hobbit supposed to be on the cover, instead of the fat sack who reads the Hobbit?

I almost wish someone would do this to me.

Arch enemies.    

Duct tape really can do anything.

The rarely seen Mrs. Ronald McDonald.

via Jason Hendry on our FB page

Let's play a game called "Guess the key word in that sentence."

And click here for more Plastic Surgery Disasters.

Tigger Fondling, 2004

It's not surprising that the poor schnooks who have to wear character costumes at the "Happiest Place On Earth" get a little wild now and then, but there's no excuse for this. In 2004, Michael Chartrand was dressed as bouncy tiger Tigger when he posed for a photograph between a woman and her 13-year-old daughter. Eight days later, the mother claimed that Tigger had inappropriately grabbed the girl's breast and Chartrand was arrested. He was found not guilty when his lawyer demonstrated how difficult it would be to touch a breast in full costume and Chartrand got his job back. Amazingly enough, he was then later charged with shoving two other people...while dressed as Goofy.

Gumby Robbery, 2011

Claymation is a dying art, but the most famous Claymation character of all time, Art Clokey's bendy green Gumby, still has his fans. First and foremost - the armed robber who donned a full-body Gumby costume to rob a Rancho Penasquitos, Calif. 7-Eleven convenience store. This is probably one of the worst robberies we've ever heard of. The man threatened the counterman with a gun but couldn't manage to actually pull it out before panicking and fleeing the scene, dropping 27 cents in change. The poor worker didn't even know who Gumby was and was too flabbergasted to call the police.

SpongeBob Fistfight, 2011

Hollywood Boulevard used to be an impassable hellhole of panhandlers in a wide variety of ridiculous costumes accosting tourists for spare change in trade for photographs. The cops have thankfully cleared most of them out after incidents like this 2011 assault. When a man in a full-body SpongeBob Squarepants costume got too into the personal space of two women, it was only a matter of time before punches started to fly. Both parties landed some pretty serious hits, including the lovable little undersea denizen taking a knee to the nuts, before the cops came and booked all three brawlers.

Snow White Unlawful Assembly, 2008

Most of the crooks on this list donned their costumes so they wouldn't be recognized, but for the 32 people arrested in Anaheim one August day in 2008, they were counting on it. Employees at a number of Disney-owned hotels dressed up and marched on Disneyland to protest their new contracts, which made it difficult for them to affordably purchase health care and reduced their wages to $2 to $3 less than other area hotels. Workers dressed as Snow White, Peter Pan and others were handcuffed and led away by police to the horror of assembled tourists.

Snoopy Jail Break-In, 2010

If we were going to break into a jail - wait, we'd never break into a jail. That's the last place we'd ever want to break into. But one British yob tried to crack his way into the Albany Isle of Wight prison site in a full Snoopy costume. Waving a pistol and accompanied by a sidekick (not dressed as Woodstock, unfortunately), Snoopy tried to smash down a staff door leading into the prison. When guards arrived, he fled (because the gun was a water pistol) and started throwing chunks of concrete at the jail walls before being arrested. The kicker? The person he was trying to free wasn't even at that jail.

Winnie the Pooh Assault, 2008

Let's head to Japan for the next cartoon criminal. In August 2008, Masayuki Ishikawa, a 20-year-old do-nothing in Tokyo, ran out of clean clothes. So, he decided to go out in a Winnie the Pooh costume he just had lying around his apartment. Wait, it gets weirder. While hanging out on a Tokyo street corner with two of his friends (who were also costumed as animals), Ishikawa naturally drew some attention from passersby. A pair of pedestrians wouldn't stop staring, so the punk Pooh ran up to them, beat them down to the pavement and stole $160 from their wallets. Ishikawa was quickly arrested and taken to jail.

Captain America Burrito Groping, 2010

Sure, Captain America is primarily a comic book character, but an animated version has shown up in cartoons from the 1950s to present day, so he counts. Especially because this story is so ridiculous. In 2010, Dr. Raymond Adamcik, along with other Florida medical professionals, was out on a costumed pub crawl in the Orlando area. The good doctor was dressed as Captain America, but his behavior certainly wasn't up to his standards. In fact, witnesses report that the ersatz Cap had a burrito stuffed down the front of his costume that he kept asking women to touch. When one refused, he pulled out the Mexican food and started groping her. Cops were called and took Adamcik to jail, where he tried to flush a joint down the toilet.

SpongeBob Armed Robbery, 2011

Here's the second appearance on our list of the friendly little fellow who lives in a pineapple under the sea. In July 2011, a man wearing a full-face SpongeBob Squarepants mask walked into an Orlando-area 7-Eleven with a friend and marched up to the cashier. Brandishing an AK-47 assault rifle, SpongeBob and his friend (who was not dressed as Patrick the starfish) demanded that he empty the cash register. He fired two shots into the ceiling to inspire the guy and proceeded to make off with a couple hundred bucks in cash. The man was arrested after a string of other robberies in which he didn't impersonate SpongeBob. Perhaps that was his downfall.